(PDF) Resilience (UK) 2024.

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ResilienceResilienceResilience

Pramod Ambadasrao Pawar

Nyaa Publishers

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Resilience

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Dr. Pramod Ambadasrao Pawar

Resilience

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Published in the United Kingdom by

NYAA PUBLISHERS

B57 North Park Road

Birmingham

www.nyaandpartners.com

nyaapublishers@yahoo.co.uk

Tel. +44 7438 465864

First Published, 2024

Tel.: +91 8888951510/8888651510

Email:drpramodambadasraopawar@gmail.com

a retrieval system, transmitted in any form: electronic, electrostatic, magnetic

tape, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior

written permission from the author and publisher.

ISBN: 978-9956-454-99-0

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Index

Chapters 1: Graveyard : A Final Call................... 1

Chapter II: News of Plane Crash........................ 43

Chapter III: At the Airport.................................. 59

Chapter IV: At Home ......................................... 77

Chapter V: Reunion Miracle, Reconciliation

and Hope in Trauma Healing

Reconciliation...................................................... 85

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Dedicated to

Aashna & Parth

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Preface

Resilience is a ctional story about a socio-cultural

play of different phases in a woman’s life, created in

the midst of my literary opus of poetry and writing

of literary theories. This is a touching story of Rose,

an innocent girl who meets unexpected events in her

life, however still she never gets defeated until the

harsh destiny smiles at her. Life is a scourge that

causes great sufferings to her.

She loses her parents, friends, and even husband in

the air crash who returns or not later is a big thematic

suspense to the readers until the end. She passes

through many ordeals in her life, however still she

never gives up struggling, is the core of this novel.

I hope the readers will love reading the novel. I extend

my sincere thanks to the publisher.

I always love my dear readers for staying engaged

with the text.

Dr. Pawar Pramod Ambadasrao

1

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I

GRAVEYARD: A FINAL CALL

A scorched red-eyed sun with pampered chubby

cheeks spreading its golden-skinned rays all over the

sky was feeling shy in a rainbow and a bit agitated

to fall down on the bank of river. They lost in a

tuneful rapture currently after screwing scarlet, tiny

holes into the unfertile land of hope. The rays pinned

down steadily to kiss grey stones on the stunned cliff

wearing a scarlet gold necklace. The silver-skinned

rays painted with the tints of rainbow to beautify their

ambience on a burning breezed land rested in a sound

sleep. They inaudibly relaxed into dazzled beauty in

peace silencing the cold breeze of the frenzied ocean.

The ying birds were looking for the lost ways in

deep sky. The helpless and mute birds found the

earth infertile as they failed to spot out a single drop

of water for quenching their thirst. They hurriedly

2

journeyed towards the destination altogether to

reach the land of hope. The skeleton-shaped dark

leaves with perturbed minds waved their hands in the

sizzling wind to the sharp rays. The drowsy yellowish

leaves were uttering down the earth to rest into grave

silence. The birds were in despair sobbing into the

twilight to the ardent meet with the dearest ones. The

soil pined for lost love and got drenched into water

to merge into a unique settlement of life once again.

Yellowish leaves left for the parched land moving in

tiny circles into the air boosting to be very high and

noble in status. They waited for a cold winter to gush

into a little within while they were unskilled to stand

by heat and dust on the land. People were struggling

for water with empty buckets and pails in their hands

as the thirsty land had absorbed water into her. The

burning sun was relentlessly staring at the dead

bodies on the land through his reddened eyes of re.

The life on the earth was dead for the frenzied rays,

had fallen down from the deep skies. The banks of

rivers were parched and thirsty to quench the desires

of time. The ways were lled with snow, grey stones,

and marbles.

3

Uprooted by the gale, trees had fallen across the

ground and blocked all the ways of pedestrians, motor

cyclists and cars . No stagnant water was distinct at

sight for cooling the eyes. The entire air was lled

with heated particles refused to rest into the land. All

lives seemed to be vagrant and wandering, stuck in

auspiciously into the labyrinth of time. The sun over-

shooting the rays of re on the earth lay like a dying

patient on the stretcher motionless and silent.

I was nowhere hHowever, at the piles of dead bodies

at the cremation with lingered hopes for his survival

on the mind. I gently glanced at many weird dead

bodies on the pyre for the cremation and burial in the

crowd. My penetrating mind was much stressed to

identify the lost face in the darkness.

As I entered, a cat was crossing my way when I

stepped onto the graveyard. I promptly recalled the

gem words of my grandpa who used to say, to get back

ten steps straight away, and then proceed further. I did

what he had been told even though I hardly believed

in superstitions, which were inculcated deeply in me

by the culture I was born and brought up. Thousands

4

of black crows were hovering over me, repetitively

warning me about upcoming signs of ill-timed death

of an individual. I was utterly scared to behold all

that as a nightmare. I made up my mind to ignore all

signs of danger coming across me unpredictably on

the way. Still I was peculiarly reading all movements

of the foreseeable nature that incessantly hints me

repeatedly at the death of a man whom I love very

much. The red, red burning sun overhead was creating

the impressions of the lost upon me. The wind-breeze

blowing in friction was continually hammering me

about a ceaseless ow of cruel time. It was 12 O’clock

sharp. The trees were swaying from deep roots

breaking the silence of the graveyard. The uttering

leaves chatting with yellow-colored dried leaves fell

on the ground whirling and dancing. Birds sitting in a

queue together on the electricity-insulated wire were

modestly staring at my new presence in the yard and

commenting on me. They were making a fun of long

faces of people in the crowd gathered there. I was

heart-broken and in distress and my salty mouth was

parched in the sun. I couldn’t nd a single drop of

water to quench my thirst. I was thirty and alone on

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the way to nowhere. I felt reeling and knelt down on

the ground unconsciously under a tree of dark shadow.

Meanwhile, a cool brook came to my sight nearby

and had water hastily. I was just like a sh that has

thrown out of the pond mercilessly and left struggling

for survival. Water in the pond was inviting, cool and

sweet to me. Stagnant water manifested the stillness

of life and the cruel time assassinated and trapped

me in. I was fully embarrassed and inexplicable to

myself. To be or not to be – that was my destiny and

decision. I could neither live nor die for myself. I

could not wish to live in the absence of my love and

die leaving my sweet heart, Riya, behind, lonely and

distressed. My ceaseless sufferings seemed ending

nowhere. I reclined my back to the tree and recalled

a few sweet memories of my lost love in tearful eyes.

Yeah! I miss my Ray very much now, my sweet

husband.

Ray was a playboy with a towering, gallant and

gracious outt. He was in love with the girl he

encountered anytime, anywhere and anyhow. He

expressed his deep love for the girl at the outset. I

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screamed while reminding his harassing the girls many

times. His physique was magnetic, gracious, and eye-

catching that any girl used to fall in love with him. I

was no exception for this. However, my dreadful past

had kept myself away from him, as I never wanted

to divulge my past and trouble him anymore. I never

wanted him to love me because I was conspicuously

displeased with my own life. However, I honestly

loved him when I found him supporting people by

donating money to the orphanage and the poor. He

was simply straightforward, benevolent, and romantic

in temperament. He often helped the people in need

and made their careers bright.

Standing alone at the bus stop, I was very late for

my ofce on that day. The buses were over-crowded,

non-recurrent and a very few in number. All of a

sudden, a red car approached me slowly, a blue glass

of the car went down and a good-looking, gallant

gure with goggles spoke out mildly. I was stunned

to experience Ray for the rst time, he said.

“Excuse me, may I help you?”

“Sorry,” “Thank you very much.” I replied.

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The car then moved on and again came to me afterten

minutes.

“Excuse me; I think you need a lift, don’t you?” He

said.

I need it desperately as I am late to my ofce. Sorry,

I cannot get in the cars of strangers.

“I am Ray,” “Is it not enough to introduce me to you

the way I am?”

“No,” I said, “Do not tease me, or else I’ll lodge a

complaint against you at the police station.”

“Madam, I help you and you think of complaining

me.”

“How weird you are!” He said.

“Look, there is an old woman sitting under a tree,

waiting for a bus. Why don’t you go and help her?

She’ll bless you too.” I said.

He parked his car to the extreme left side of the road.

He then went straight to the old woman and asked

her to get into his car. She refused to come along with

him in the beginning, However later who knows how

she got ready to be with him in his car.

“Oh madam, look, the old woman you pointed out is

now sitting in my car. Now you can sit beside her.”

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He said.

“No,” I said.

Then another woman passenger standing beside me

in blue jeans with a pink T-shirt said to me,

“Are you coming or not? It’s urgent for me. I get to go

to my ofce on time at any cost, so I’m getting into

his car. I ask you to come with us because he only

wants you to sit in his car, it seems to me. Come on,

nothing happens. Why are you thinking so deeply?”

As I was getting late and there were no buses available

to go to my ofce on time, I got into his car and

reached my ofce on time. It was our rst meeting

that impressed me a lot, However, he continued to

dog me thereafter like a road Romeo.

Once, Rubi, my friend asked me to watch a movie

running in a nearby Globe Theatre. She forced me to

accompany her. Lastly, I got ready to watch the lm

with her. It was one of the most famous theatres in

Florence. House Full board was still hanging at the

entrance gate and all the black tickets were sold. Rubi

said to me,

“Today the lm is released. Therefore, there is hardly

any chance to get the tickets. We’ll come another day

to watch this movie.”

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“Okay, as you wish,” I said to her.

We were about to leave the theatre, a boy who gave

us a lift in his car encountered us again and said,

“I have two tickets; I have just received a call from

my friend waiting for us at the airport to receive him.

We got to go right now at any cost and have already

cancelled watching the lm tonight. Could you please

do me a favor by receiving these two tickets?”

Rubi got the tickets without much debate on that.

“Thank you very much,” Rubi said to him.

“You’re most welcome.” He responded and left went

away.

I was totally bafed to notice the young boy again

dogging me wherever I go. I was very disbelieving

about his character. I didn’t understand why he was

doing me a favor. Many questions mystied me to see

his presence. When he got disappeared from there, I

began to think more about him. Perhaps, his absence

tortured me. Something in him was still fascinating

me and dragging me towards him by an invisible

force.

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Ray handed over his tickets to Rubi and left the

theatre in a jolly mood. We later entered the cinema

hall at the balcony way, we were late by fteen

minutes. A boy wearing a cap helped us to get our

seats in the dark hall. There were four seats vacant in

our row at the corner. We occupied two seats and felt

relaxed in an air-conditioned balcony. After an hour,

two men came in and occupied vacant seats beside

me. I was feeling uncomfortable to watch the lm

with the man who was deliberately touching me. He

attempted to touch my hands and feet watching the

lm. Therefore, I asked Rubi to change the seats. She

agreed and I could escape myself from the trouble.

“Do you have any problem sitting to my side?” Rubi

asked me.

“Yes, I can’t see movie properly from here.” I replied.

I was incapable to concentrate on the lm for a long

time because I wanted to see the face of the man

touching my hands and feet while watching the lm.

I was truly waiting for an interval break to behold

him. Still I was struggling to imagine his face in utter

darkness in the theatre. Rubi said nothing to me about

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his touching hands and feet to her that amazed me a

lot. I thought that he must be doing the same with her.

I was simply looking at her hands and feet after every

ve minutes in the theatre. I thought that she might

tell me about him at the interval break. However, she

didn’t!

At the interval break, Rubi turned her face to that

man and began to talk to him in a friendly way.

“When did you get back here? I indeed didn’t nd

you coming.” She said to him.

“Exactly after an hour.” He said.

“You said you were going to receive your friend at

the airport and you returned so early.” Rubi asked

him surprisingly.

“Yes, you are right,” he said,

“Actually we received our friend coming from

America. However, he refused to accompany us

because he was very exhausted by journey. He was

taking rest at home. I had four tickets in total, I gave

you two and the rest of the two are with us now.”

“It’s okay, I got it.” Rubi said to him.

I wanted to see the face of the man who had been

talking to her since long. Therefore, I turned around

12

and saw the same man who had given me a lift and

then tickets free of cost. He was the same man who

was vexing to touch my hands and feet while the lm

was screening. I had never thought that Ray, the same

man would be a spoilt one and I isolated him utterly

from my heart. I wanted to re-conrm that the man

would not have mistaken with Rubi, my friend as he

would fall in love with anyone anywhere anytime.

That is why; Rubi said nothing about the disobedience

of that young boy in the theatre. Ray dreamt fancies

for Rubi and she too reacted condently to him. The

cherished relations again tortured me a lot. I could

not feast my eyes on their love-relations. I was not in

love with Ray, However still I could not succeed in

convincing myself about my hating to him. I began

to hate both Ray and Rubi. Still I did not know why?

“What’s your name?” Rubi asked him.

“Ray,” he said with a curt smile.

“I think you are a college going boy, aren’t you?” She

asked him.

“No,” he said,

“I have completed all my education. I’m a pilot by

profession. So, I’m engaged with trainings right now

under the supervision of my experts.”

13

“Oh, I see. Indeed I’m pleased to see you,” Rubi said.

“Me too,” he said, shaking hands a bit heavier.

Ray unnoticed me on purpose and gone astray himself

in passionate staring at Rubi. I still remembered his

blue eyeballs thirstily drinking me through the corner

of his eyes. I must have suspected theirloveaffair,

Howeversilenced herin that matter. I would have

suspected love affair he had had, but a cruel time

anyhow silenced me in that matter.

“Could you please have a coffee with us?” Ray asked

Rubi.

It was quite habitual to Rubi to behave freely in

Florence; However I had to unwillingly accompany

her to have coffee with them.

At last, Rubi introduced me to Ray,

“This is my best friend, Rose.”

“Nice to meet you,” he said to me.

“Hello,” I said.

He presented himself for a heavy handshake and I

did so without losing my condence, as the bizarre

situation seemed to be quite unfriendly to me.

After a few days, Ray used to park his car in front of

my room, knock at the door and say,

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“Rose, it’s me, your gallant Ray. Open the door.”

I never opened my door for him. However one day,

I opened my door and scolded him the way I could,

“Why do you tease me every day? Tell me what

exactly you want.”

“I love you,” he said.

“Are you crazy?” I said to him.

“Yes, I am,” he said,

“Truly I love you, Rose and I want to marry you.”

“However, I don’t. For God’s sake, you rst get lost

from here.” I shouted at him like anything.

He left saying,

“I indeed love you, Rose. You believe me or not. I

know you love me too. ”

“No… never,” I cried in despair.

I am indeed fed up with his routine harassment. Next

day, I went to the police station early in the morning

to lodge a complaint against him. However, there was

no police ofcer who had taken me seriously.

“Did he do anything with you?” A police ofcer

asked me.

“Are you waiting for him to do something wrong

with me?” I cried.

15

“Oh, Mam, answer my questions politely.” He said.

“No,” I said.

“What do you mean by No?” He asked me.

“I mean he didn’t do anything with me,. However, he

has been teasing and dogging behind me since long.”

I sighed in pain.

“Can you show that dogged companion?” He asked

me.

“Yes, I can if you come to my room and wait for him

at the door in your civil dress.”

“Oh, Mam, do not teach me what I am supposed to

do. I know my duty and its priority. I have a number

of problems to resolve here. Yours is nothing for me.

All the police ofcers are appointed to execute their

duties. I am directed to attend “Politicians’ Meet

Ceremony tomorrow without fail.” He said,

“Please, do not waste my time. Go home; lock the

door of your room neatly from inside before you go

to bed.”

Later on, I dared to enter the cabin of higher authority

and lodged a complaint against the police ofcer.

The ofcer was quite serious; he immediately called

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the police ofcer in his cabin and scolded him in an

irritating voice.

“First of all, you take her complaint into consideration.

You then go to her room and nd out the road Romeo

harassing her for a long time. Listen, put on your

regular civic dress so that nobody can suspect you as

a police ofcer. Get that scoundrel by hook or crook.”

“Yes, sir,” he said,

“However, Sir, What’s about the “Politicians Meet

Ceremony” tomorrow.”

“Just do what I say. No more questions.” The ofcer

said.

“Yes, sir.” He said.

I then gave my complete address to that police ofcer

and left the police station in great relief.

However, the man who was troubling me didn’t turn

up for a couple of days.

A police ofcer said to me,

“Madam, you are indeed wasting our time. Nobody

comes and goes here. You might have dreamt

something horrifying.”

“Just wait for one more day,” I requested him.

Next day, Ray came to my door and knocked the door

as usual.

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“How are you, Rose? He said.

Hardly had I opened the door of my room, the police

ofcer caught him to his collar and forcibly dragged

him towards a police jeep.

“You don’t know who I am.” Ray said.

“Even you don’t know me.” The police ofcer cried.

I went along with the police ofcer and the irate man

to the police station. It was crowded, tensed like a hell

as usual. The ofcer who considered my complaint

accosted me by chance.

“Ray, it’s you.” The ofcer said.

“Yes, sir. It’s me who loves this woman-called-Rose

very much and wants to marry her. Even the court

gives permission to our wedding.” Ray said.

“However, the way you propose her is mistaken.

She is not ready to love and marry you. Why are

you disquieting her like this? Look, this is a crime

to tease anyone as you do. Everybody has his own

rights to lead life at liberty in a democratic country.

If she loves you as you love her, the matter would be

different.” The ofcer said to Ray.

“Sir, I didn’t do anything. This police ofcer caught

and dragged me here like a criminal.” Ray said.

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“Let him go rst,” the ofcer said to the police ofcer,

“His father is my best friend.”

“Sir, how can you free him like this?” I asked the

ofcer.

“What’s your name?” He asked me.

“Rose,” I said calmly.

“Listen, Rose. First you tell me what crime he has

done.” He said to me.

I remained silent, simply looking at the fact how rich

people escape after doing crime. I was unemotionally

observing changing roles of police ofcer. All of a

sudden, I left the police station after withdrawing my

case.

Thereafter, Ray followed me like a dog. I couldn’t

understand whether it was his madness, true love or

lust for me. He tried his level best to get me by hook

or crook. Perhaps he might have adhered to the notion

‘everything is fair in love and war.’ Ray was gallant,

arrogant, and crazy for me. In fact, he doesn’t know

how to propose a woman for love and then wedding.

He troubled me a lot in my ofce, room and even in

public on the road. And there was nobody to help me

19

out of that. I once told it to Ruhi, my friend. However,

she unheeded me.

One day I went to the Art Exhibition in Florence. I

was very interested in art and painting. I happened

to come across a beautiful painting entitled “Rubi”.

It was a painting of Rubi seating deserted, pining for

her lost love. Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

The dark room was a symbolic manifestation of

suffocation or asphyxiation of a woman, whose

socio-political status was undened. She seemed to

be on the horns of dilemma to escape herself from

the maddening crowd of people surrounding her

as she was trapped in. She has been suffering from

xenophobia since her birth. The painting showed a

woman trapped in the labyrinth and demanding to

escape from man-made disasters. She is looking for a

light of love. It was a speaking picture resembling my

life. A woman shading tears in the dark room needs

love and her rights to live in life better.

“Is it on sale?” I asked a seller.

“Yes, it is.” He said.

“How much does it cost?” I asked him.

20

“Only ninety thousand rupees,” he said.

I had only three thousand rupees with me, However,

I, in reality, liked that painting very much. It was the

best painting in the exhibition costing for the highest

price.

“Do you want to go for this painting?” A seller asked

me.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” I said when I was coming out of

the exhibition hall in a gloomy mood.

I was walking along the way to my room. Meanwhile

a man accosted and informed me, “Excuse me,

madam, a seller is calling you.”

I thought he must have called me for the negotiation

of the price.

“No, I don’t want that painting,” I said to him clearly.

“Madam, you decide what to do. I was supposed to

deliver his message to you only. Nothing else.” He

left.

As I liked the painting very much, my pleasing steps

mechanically moved towards the exhibition hall to

see the reason for which he called me. I was thinking

I must have misread the price. It might be nine

thousand rupees.

21

I said to myself,

“I have three thousand rupees with me and I will take

that after negotiations. I will convince him to sell me

the painting before it is sold to somebody else.”

I entered the exhibition hall and rst checked the

price. The price was ninety thousand rupees. I

remained silent and retreated slowly.

A seller asked me,

“Madam, I called you,”

“Oh, yes, why did you call me?” I asked him in a

little louder tone.

“Are you going to give me this painting for three

thousand rupees?”

“No, madam, the prices of all the paintings hanging

on the wall are xed. We never negotiate in the prices

of paintings.” He said.

“Tell me, then, why did you call me here.” I again

asked him.

“Just wait for a while,” he said while he was packing

the painting in the envelope.

“I don’t want this painting because I don’t have that

amount. It’s unaffordable to me, sir.” I said.

“Listen to me, madam.” He said.

22

“Sorry, I don’t.” I said turning around to set out of

the hall.

“Madam, it’s free of cost for you,” he said.

“Are you kidding me?” I furiously turned around.

“Indeed, madam,” he said.

It was a golden chance for me to get the painting I

liked most with free of cost.

“I am confused. Why are giving it to me free of cost?”

I asked him.

“I have just received a call from the painter who told

me to give you this painting free of cost.” He said.

“Who is the painter?” I asked him.

“R ay,” he said.

I recollected the name Ray instantly that had been

following me since long. I used to tear off his love

letters and throw at the dustbin many times. Moreover,

he told me that he was a pilot by profession. Then I

thought a painter must be a different man. I could not

resist myself taking the painting free of cost. A seller

packed the painting properly and handed over to me.

I was very pleased to get that. I didn’t ask him any

questions although many questions were bafing me.

I later came to my room and opened the painting.

23

“How beautiful!” I explained.

Again, I read a caption inscribed there.

“A struggler in life always treads a path of re.”

At the corner of the painting, a signature was put on

artistically along with the name, Ray.

I kissed the painting repeatedly and hung it on the

wall permanently depicting a story of my life entirely.

I certainly fell in love with the painter who portrayed

my whole life in his painting.

I went to bed looking at the painting that had deeply

touched me inward.

Next day, I received an unknown call. He said,

“Did you like my painting?”

“Yes, very much,” I said.

“I’m very thankful to you as you offered me a nice

gift. What’s your name?” I asked him.

“Ray,” He said.

However, the voice seemed to be at ease with me.

His voice resembled Ray who was in love me and

me too. However, the mobile number was different. I

overlooked all and thanked him once again.

Ray used to write love letters to me. However, he

didn’t turn up later. Many months left. In fact, I

24

missed him a lot. Aall of a sudden considering that

even he had once been my secret admirer.

One day, he returned unexpectedly and accosted me

in the garden. I was alone as usual. Children were

playing on the ground and old people were busy at

gossiping seated in a circle.

Some loving couples were having snacks or some

refreshments there.

“Hi, Rose,” He said.

I noticed him coming close to me. However, I acted

as if I didn’t see him. Old people were looking at me,

perhaps I was a married woman of thirty-ve years

old, and he was quite young, just around twenty-six

years old.

“Hi,” I said.

“Did you like my painting?” He asked me in public.

I heard the same voice on the phone in the morning.

“Is it you?” I asked him startlingly.

“Yes,” he said,d

“Last time I told you that I was a painter. However, I

am a painter too.”

“I don’t believe that you are a painter too,” I said.

“Anyone can be a painter, just he should be a gifted

25

one,” he proudly said.

“Indeed, I don’t trust you anymore,” I said.

“Is it because I bothered you more or I wrote love

letters to you and publicly humiliated you?”

He asked to me.

“None of these you said.” I replied.

“Then what?” He asked me expecting something

from me in turn.

“Because you are not serious towards the life you

lead I think,” I said.

“Of course, I am.” He answered quickly.

And continued thereafter,

“You know I was born and brought up in a very rich

family. Moreover, there was hardly any to restrict

what I had said and how I had behaved. I had been

free to do anything I liked.”

“That’s the reason you used to irt me,” I said.

“Please do not misjudge me.” He humbly requested.

“Come home and meet my parents. They are not

prudish like me. They will talk to you generously

because they truly love my friends and me too. You

might not know that I am the only son in the family.”

“Okay, I will think about it,” I said.

26

“And you can see my other paintings.” He said.

“Oh, sure,” I said.

The experience I had there was quite funny, unusual

and strange. It was a novel experience to me than the

experiences I had had before. However, his painting

mesmerized me hugely and Ray himself. There was

something in him that drove me irrational about him.

I never abided rushed changes in my life. However,

my cruel destiny had forced me to adapt them as per

circumstances.

Again, he asked me,

“Do you love me or not?”

“Are you stupid?” I asked him.

“Only for you,” he said.

“I love you very much as love is not dened the way

it has to be and I want to marry you soon,” he insisted.

I stayed silent.

He asked me again, “Will you please marry me?”

“Look, what do you know about me and the life I led

before? I asked him.

“Nothing,” he said, “Even I don’t want to know about

it.”

“I think you are instinctively in love with me. Today,

27

I can eyewitness how love is dened as blind and

deaf.”

“I honestly love you, Rose,” he said in a desperate

tone,

“Whatever you think about me I would like to marry

you by all means,” he said.

“What can you do for me?” I asked him reading

through the ridiculousness of love.

“I cannot die like other lovers do because I love you

very much.” He said.

“Go on, tell me rst.” I insisted.

“I can quit my most caring family and be with you

always.” He said.

“Do you want to leave your dear parents?” I asked him.

“For you I can do anything, Rose.” He said.

“Please come here and sit beside me,” I said thinking

about his unbalanced walk.

He came and sat beside me feeling as if he conquered

half of the battle.

“Ray, look, I’m from a very poor family.” I said.

“Then, I will make you rich.” He said instantly.

“How old are you?” I asked him.

He said, “I’m twenty six years old.”

28

“You know girls hesitate to tell their age as boys’ do

for salary.” I said.

“And it is immoral to ask them like this.” He said.

“Can you guess how old I am?” I asked him.

“Perhaps twenty-three or twenty-four, not more than

that I think,” he said,

“However, age makes no difference to me.”

“I love you. Andand Would get married to you at the

soonest.”

“Okay, I tell you. I am thirty-ve years old.” I said.

“No Problem,” he said.

“Yes, no problem to you, hHowever, there must be a

very big problem to your family, Ray.” I said a little

loudly.

“I’ll ask my parents and do convince them. And I’m

sure that they never say ‘no’ to me.” He said.

“Listen to me carefully,” I said,

“I’m a married woman. And my husband is still

alive.”

“Then, I’ll kill your husband and marry you,” he said

and laughed loudly.

“What did you say?” I asked him.

“Sorry, where is your husband?” I he asked him, me.

29

“And what is he?”

“Ray, I do not live with him.” I said.

“Then, you are not a widow.” He said.

“No, I’m a widow of a living husband.” I said.

“Have you taken divorce from him?” He asked me.

“No,” I said.

“Do you want to take a divorce from him?” He asked

me again.

“I sent him a notication of divorce a week ago. The

court will decide the rest,” I said.

“Ray, I do not want to indulge myself into love and

wedding. My past memories torment me all the time.

My husband is deceased for me.” I said.

Ray became quite serious. I found him throwing

stones in the pond nearby in an unsure mood.

“What’s your future plan then?” He asked me.

“Nothing else, just live life as it comes to me.

Ultimately, I have not yet thought over it.” I said.

“Rose, you are a married woman about thirty-ve

years old. I still love you and want you as a wife,”

he said,

“You please think about me earnestly, make a decision

30

as early as possible, and do tell me tomorrow. You do

not forget the fact that I have been waiting for your

positive reply since long.”

Meanwhile, a friend of Ray called him.

“Ray, come fast, we are getting late for tonight’s

birthday party.”

“Oh, yes.” He replied,

“Tomorrow, I will be waiting for your reply, Rose.”

At that night, I could not even doze a bit. I thought

about Ray deeply whom I love very much. However,

the bitter experiences of wedding,and ruthless

society opposed me constantly to do so. Ray was

straightforward, immature and kind-hearted. His

transparent nature impressed me a lot. He never

criticized a man at his back. In fact, he talks to a man

on his face. However, I was feeling ashamed to say

that I love him very much and even I wanted to marry

him. At dawn, I decided to see his paintings.

Next day, I didn’t get any call from him. I was just

waiting for his call for hours together. Then, I typed

an SMS for him as follows:

“Why didn’t you call me?” I typed.

“I’m waiting for your call.” He replied.

31

“Are you not taking me home?” I again typed.

“You mean you are ready.” He replied elatedly.

“First, I want to see your paintings and I will meet

your parents later.” I replied.

“Just wait for a while, I’ll catch you soon. It takes

twenty minutes to reach your room.” He said.

“Do you know my address?” I asked him.

“Yes, of course,” he replied.

“Then I will get ready till you get back to me.” I

typed.

“Okay, here I come. I love you, Rose.” He replied.

“Me too, Ray.” I typed.

I put on a blue jeans and white shirt on it. It was a dress

offered to me as a gift by Ruhi, my childhood friend.

I did not know why I refused to opt for wearing a sari

on the day. It was the rst time I looked very stylish,

liberal and rich in the mirror. I kept my hair loosened

pinning all together at my back as a pony. I usually tie

my oily hair tightly folding them all around in a circle

in a traditional hairstyle.

Within next fteen minutes, Ray reached the room.

“Rose, are you ready?” He asked me.

“Yes, here I am.” I replied.

32

He came to receive me in his car.

He said,

“Get in the car, Rose.”

“Yes,” I said.

I was just opening a backside door of a car. He said.

“Rose, you will be the owner of a car if you sit like

this,” Ray said,

“Are you relaxed there?”

“Yes, I am,” I said.

“You do not know why I call you here. People may

fault me as a driver and you as an owner. You are

undoubtedly an owner right now. ” He said.

“Yes, you are a driver.” I said to him.

“Jokes apart, I indeed wanted you to seat beside me

to talk to you.” He said.

“Do not talk as you drive,” I said,

“Have you disremembered the basic rules of driving?”

“Yes, I will learn from you any howany how.” He said.

Ray came to me and held my hand lovingly and said,

“Please come and seat here with me.” He requested.

I couldn’t say no to him and sat beside him nally.

When the car was speedily going, he asked me,

“Rose, would you like to see my paintings or parents

33

rst?” He asked me.

“Paintings,” I said.

“Okay, let’s go.” He said.

He took me to his bungalow, a big palace. He was

born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He showed me

all his paintings that were indeed very appreciative

and artistic. I congratulated him for his ne art. Then

I moved on to see his parents along with him.

“Dad, this is Rose whom I love very much and want

to marry her.” He said.

“How dare you to make your own decisions like

this?”

His dad shouted, “Are you stupid?”

“Yes, I’m. I told everything about Rose last night.

Just give me your blessings.” Ray said.

“You disrepute me, Ray,” he said,

“Have you gone mad?”

“I tell you something solemn now. If you marry the

old widow, I’ll donate all my property to schools and

colleges or to your cousin.” He said.

“She belongs to a lower caste having no family link

or richness, no cultured background with a social

dignity as we do have.”

34

He said.

“Yes, dad. I know all.” Ray said.

“Both of you rst get lost from my home and never

show me your face.” He said.

“Thank you, dad.” Ray said.

Ray gave a bunch of keys to his father. We lastly

came out of home carrying his paintings in the hand.

I didn’t know the fact that I had already informed his

parents about our affair.

At the gate Ray said, “Are you with me?”

“Rose, I left my parents and property forever for you.

I do not say things in the air. , However, I do it. You

have witnessed all what happened inside.”

“Yes, Ray.” I said.

He smiled and hugged me. I was indeed surprised

how he felt my inner self.

He said,

“You call your friend, Ryan to the ofce of Registered

Wedding and I’m going to call a few friends there.

We are getting married, Rose.”

I hugged Ray for the man I dreamt. His courage and

unconditional love for me truly maddened me. Then,

I called Ryan, a friend working at the Registered

35

Wedding ofce. I told him what happened in brief.

We put our signatures on the register and garland each

other binding us permanently as a so-called newly

wedded husband and wife. We had a grand party that

night organized by his friends. All congratulated both

of us and gave compliments for our bright future.

Those were the compliments to a suffered woman

who had been conned within four walls in a dark

room. It was a new birth to a dead woman as if the

destiny did a great favor upon me again. It was a

beginning to new challenges and ordeals and a big

full stop to the sufferings I had had earlier.

“Here is a dead body.” A man shouted.

All my sweet memories of Ray shattered once again.

I pushed myself a bit onwards from my reclined

backbone on the tree and resumed my directionless

journey. Opening my eyes, I found a huge crowd

of people all around a dead body. I happened to see

a woman in a black sari crying loudly along with

shocking faces of children hugged to her legs. She was

hopelessly asking for a return of her dead husband,

yearning for her unfullled dreams, promises and

36

hopes made before his departure. She was sharing to

all her anxieties with the crowd in his absence and

hopes of survival.

“Is the life of a woman a sin?” I was questioning

myself. I was rotating just like a pendulum moving

from death to life and life to death in a stereotypical

chained wheel of time.

There is a no sign to get Ray to me amidst the crowd of

dead bodies. According to the ofcial announcement

made on the television, Ray is dead and therefore,

there was no hope left for his life. Unfortunately, I

have lost him forever. The ofcer at the graveyard

announced to all the relatives that the pilot in the air

crash died on the spot along with all crews travelling

in the plane.

There was no sign of his survival; all searches were

in vain. I went astray to regain my lost condence

and kneeled down painfully on the ground. All of

a sudden, I accosted a worried woman with a baby

crying loudly for the death of her husband. I gathered

my courage to console and calm her down.

“What happened with you?” She later asked me.

37

“My husband who was a pilot is declared to be dead

in the air crash.” I told her.

“Have you got his body?” She asked me.

“No, in fact, I’m looking for it.” I said.

“Look, all the bodies have not yet been found. Most of

them are burnt completely and therefore it would be

quite difcult to recognize the faces.” She informed

me.

“Are you sure that a pilot is dead?” I asked her.

“I heard that almost all died in the air crash in the

BBC news and the BBC has never been wrong.

I even read in the Times of London and watched a

deadly scene on Aaj Tak, a Hindi news channel by a

reporter.” She said.

“Both of us are losers,” I convinced her, “You have at

least had a dead body of your husband.”

“Yes, you are right. I got a faceless burnt body.” She

cried in pain.

Holding her weightless body, I supported her and

asked her after some time,

“Why is the plane crashed?”

“There was a machinery fault, you know. Before

taking ight, it was a very minor fault, so workers

38

ignored it, However, the minor fault became a major

one in the air where there is nobody to help them

out.” She cried loudly.

“Why don’t engineers look into the matter carefully

before a plane takes off?” I asked her.

“Sometimes it happens. You must have heard about

air crashes and their reasons of crash. Weather

conditions and machinery faults are mostly the root

causes of air crash.” She said.

My tears had dried up. Then I asked her again,

“Why couldn’t they use parachutes to save their

lives?”

“Madam, there is a meaningless use of parachutes on

the land because the plane got red when it was being

landed.” She said, “Excuse me.”

“It’s okay.” I said.

Later on, she left carrying a dead body for cremation.

“A very few bodies were hospitalized.” A passerby

remarked.

“Where have the bodies been hospitalized?” I asked

him.

“They are admitted in ICU at Sanjeevani Hospital.”

He said.

39

“Can you please give me the address?” I asked him.

“It’s placed in front of the old gate of a graveyard.

Ask anybody at the gate, you’ll get it as you expect.

Look, it faces south.” He said.

I thanked him and left for the hospital.Almost all

the dead bodies hospitalized seemed to have been

paralyzed, almost dead in ICU except a single one.

My hopes once again rose up.

“Can I see the patient?” I asked the doctor.

“No,” the doctor said, “Are you his relative?”

“No,” I said.

“Then for what reason are you meeting him right

now?” He asked me.

“My husband is said to be dead ofcially, but still my

heart does not permit me to believe in what they’ve

said. Just I want to conrm it.” I pleaded.

“Look, his wife is seating sitting beside the body.” He

said so and left me.

Despite all red-eyed warnings, I nally dared to peep

inside the ICU room and could look at his face. Yes,

it was not Ray. “Oh, God!” I exclaimed.

Another body was much burnt; however, the

face seemed to be unsafe. The body was alive to

40

lead a dead life ahead. I was upset within and felt

disappointed about the absurdity of life and cruel

times hovering over my head like a sword to slash me

brutally anytime, anywhere, and anyhow. My heavy

steps were steadily moving towards the graveyard

researching for my love lost forever.

All of a sudden, I encountered a huge crowd of

people rushing through a door inside the graveyard

to identify and locate the dead bodies for cremation

or burial and I found kneeled down men and women

crying for a big loss of loved ones.

Dogs were barking loudly and crying in tune heading

towards the red sun. They cried as if they lost their

dear ones. The cry was monotonous, a sign of bad

omen and a perpetual reminder of vanished God

who forgot to restore human beings from their stuck

cycles and redeem them from the incessant cycle of

births and deaths forever.

My trodden steps were heavy, unbalanced and lifeless

in pain and feet swollen, dared to tread on a heated

land over-scorch in the sun. Motor cars, bikes, and

ambulance vans were disorderly parked at the gate

41

and the entry of people rushing over as a frenzied

tide in the ocean was strictly prohibited for a specic

reason.

At the entrance of the main gate, I encountered little

girls carrying pots, lled with water, on their heads.

As it is a good omen, I hurriedly felt my purse,

brought out a coin, and put it inside the pot praying

for the survival of Ray as a miracle. The event made

me optimistic as it could bring back a wide smile on

my face.

“Shall I be an exception for that?” I thought about it

for a while.

A gravedigger was busy at his work. Almost all the

faces of the dead bodies were covered and wrapped in

a plastic coating tightly. No dead body was detectable

to us except a number hanged up in a circle for

recognition of dead bodies. It was not stinking at all.

“Can I see the face?” I asked a gravedigger.

He said, “All are faceless bodies? Already burnt in

explosion, you see.

I asked him, “What is his name?”

“Don’t ask me stupid questions. Let me do my work.”

42

He angrily said.

“Please you keep yourself aside and let us do our

duties. We have many bodies to burn and bury here.

You do one thing. You go to the ofce nearby and

check the list carefully,” he shouted.

I closed my eyes and brought back a smiling face of

Ray in my bafed mind. He was telling me something,

However, I didn’t get it. I didn’t know perhaps he was

telling me that my husband was alive.

“How can he be alive?” I said to myself.

There I saw a child crying and all of sudden I thought

of my child, Riya, whom I forgot to give medication

and she might be thirsty too. She is lonely and helpless

at home.

“How cruel am I?” I whispered.

I gave up nding out the dead and rushed to the living

at home.

43

II

AIR CRASH NEWS OF PLANE CRASH

“Take care, Rose,” Ray said. Tears rolling down the

cheeks of his eyes as he was leaving for Maldives for

the rst time as a pilot with silent words…see you

soon, bye…bye…

Ray met ofcers at the airport.

“Sir, I’m Ray. I have completed a pilot training

course as per the schedule given to me. I am informed

to drive the plane from Pisa to ttonight. Here is my

identity card and credential for your perusal and

conrmation.” Ray said to ofcers at the airport.

“Sure,” he said,

“The plane got a few machinery problems. So

engineers are busy at looking into the problem. That

is a minor problem, I think, and that will be all right

shortly. You just do one think - have supper and

get ready in a uniform by the time the plane gets a

complete recovery. Is it all clear?” The ofcer ordered

him.

“Yes, sir!.” Ray said.

44

Ray was still thinking about Rose as her story

touched him deeply. Something in her story might

have created a great impact upon him. He reminded

an event with Rose after wedding.

Ray closed his eyes and visualized an event in the

past reclining his back on the seat.

It was a late midnight. Rose was waiting for me on

the rst oor porch gallery. Even I was very late to

reach home than my usual timings because of some

ofce work pending. I didn’t call her since I had been

very busy with the work. To please her, I bought a

sari for her costing near about Rs. 2000 and entered

the house like a thief through the back door.

“Rose, it’s me.” I said.

She didn’t pay her attention to me. She was still

waiting for me on the porch. She opened the door and

called me in. She said nothing. There was no anger

and affection on her face.

“Your dinner is ready before you go to bed.” She said

and entered the kitchen room.

I said, “I had it in the ofce.

Did you take your dinner?” I asked her.

She said, “No.”

45

“Why?” I asked her.

“A wife cannot have food before her husband.” She

said.

“Who told you this?” I asked.

“By so-called male-dominated society.” She said.

“Rose, please you naturally have your food in my

absence too.also. Do not wait for me like this. Just

see, I had my dinner when I was hungry. You do the

same. Ours is a modern society.” I said.

“Our ideas should be modern rst. I do not know how

you react with this habitual situation at home. I just

did what other women did. So I didn’t.” Rose said.

“Rose, do you know sati, where a wife is burnt alive

thrown unwillingly on the pyre of her husband,” I

said.

“I know it well”, she answered silently and continues,

“It is a social evil resided deeply into the minds of

people who always discriminate woman from man

as she is weak. Even today also, people in some

remote places in rural hilly areas still get stuck to this

unchanged social evil, customs and traditions. This is

perhaps a culture of uncultured citizens of London.”

“Rose, I do agree with you. We have to rst uproot

46

such social evils from the minds of people who indeed

do not know that woman is a great contribution to the

progress of the nation at large if the attitudes toward

women are radically changed by men. This is a

crucial time to modernize ourselves coping ourselves

with the western progression of gender equality while

retaining our cultural heritage. However, whenever

I look at the present situation regarding all social

evils exploiting women in London, I lose my temper.

Indeed we have not yet recovered from our mental

sickness and poverty,” I said, “Gang rape in Delhi,

dowry deaths, bride burning, mental torture still

create storm in London. The system fails to control

all frequent happenings in London.”

“What system are you talking about, Ray?” Rose

asked.

“The law and order in our nation,” I said, “Evil doers

should be put behind the bars and punished so that

nobody dares to perpetuate crimes in London.”

“Why don’t people abide by law and order in

London?” Rose said,

“Why do they think of their superiority in breaking

47

rules by power?

“Yes, rules are made for human benet and safety

life of every individual. People neglect them all.

Implementations seem to be weaker because of

power. One who pays more money turns out to be an

innocent criminal and one who has no money suffers

for the crime he has not done in reality.” I said,

“Our nation will progress only when the law and

order are strictly followed without being a victim to

recommendations and ongoing corruption.”

“I agree with you, Ray.” Rose said changing the topic,

“Tell me why a woman suffers in her life.”

“Woman suffers because of her own faults. She blindly

believes what she is told and silently drinks drops of

her unending sufferings saying nothing to men around

her. Look, she should be brave, aggressive and ght

against all social evils within and without deeply

rooted into the society. She has to come up with her

own ideas breaking chains of male-domination and

her perpetual connement in a dark room. A woman

must not be sitting in a dark room However kindle the

world with love and progress.” I said.

“Ray, don’t you think man is responsible for woman’s

48

sufferings at large from her birth till death?” Rose

asked.

“Yes, you are right However not the feminist man

like me; who always supports and encourages you in

hardships.” I said.

“That is true, my darling.” Rose said.

I waited till she nished her dinner. After food, she

pulled me towards her and kissed me. I put my hands

on her tender waist and said,

“I love you, Rose.”

“Me too.” She said.

I always tried to lower her hidden grief as I found her

absent-minded and lost in thoughts.

“I have a gift for you, Rose.” I said.

“For what?” She asked me.

“After our wedding, I didn’t give you anything,” I

said,

“Just go for three guesses you think.”

“Bangles, hair-pin or purse.” She said.

“None of them all you said.” I spoke out.

“Please tell me what it could be.” I said to her.

“I indeed do not know, Ray,” She said.

49

I knelt down by her and offered her a gift sealed.

“How much does it cost?” She asked.

“Rs. 2000 /- only,” I said.

“Why did you spend so much money? She said.

“You know everything very well that we do not

have enough money to run the family. Again we are

planning for a child now.”

She opened a seal and said,

“It’s very expensive, Ray. Have you gone mad?”

“This is my rst gift to you after our wedding.” I said.

“That’s okay. I have many saris like this.” Rose said.

In fact, she had only two saris and a dress given by

Ruhi.

I said,

“I spent money and bought a gift for you thinking that

you will be pleased to see this. And you are scolding

me.”

Having been disappointed, I left the room keeping

the sari on the table and I went upstairs.

It was a starry night. All the stars got together and were

shedding glittering light to the world. A few stars were

absorbed into playing a game of hide and seek and

the moon became a judge in the game. Dark clouds

50

were keeping losers of the game behind themselves

whereas winners resting near the moon and smiling at

others defeat. Seven friendly stars seemed unmoved

were still twinkling in the sky in a designed pattern.

And some random stars were shooting the light of re

on the earth while falling down from the skies that had

imprisoned them. No star dared to be grounded and

therefore preferred disappearing into sky slowly. The

moon felt like being lonely refusing all other stars to

stay beside her. Perhaps she was to witness the cluster

of stars and thus kept one and all aside from her. The

moon was keeping a safe distance from obstinate

stars that were struggling to touch her. Her hatred

made all stars twinkle and giggle in revolt against her.

The clouds were in guise of strange faces unknown to

me and all. Some dark clouds were predicting rain on

barren land and busy at fetching water on the earth.

All were marching hastily onwards, rushing through

many dense clouds and making ways out of lost path

following orders of the God of rain. Bright radiance

of stars was making soft eyes of the moon glitter

and therefore she was closing her eyes at their sight.

Long hands of clouds were separating stars aside and

51

rushing onwards to get the work done at the earliest.

Breeze was blowing at a snail’s pace touching and

making the heart chill and inviting.

At that night, she wore a sari and came in front of me.

She was looking gorgeous. Her dazzling beauty was

inexplicable without wearing any ornaments. She is

fair, and has a same height as I have. Her silky hair

was fallen up to her waist, looking slim with a cute

face.

“I’m sorry, Ray. I have indeed disheartened you.

I should have not said so to you. However you can

understand why I said so.” Rose said,

“Please do not buy expensive things for me hereafter.

You need not buy for yourself as well until we get

settled. We must save money now. I know you belong

to a very rich family and Rs. 2000/- is nothing for

you. In addition to this, we have property left behind.

We suffer economically every day. And money means

a lot to both of us.”

“I’m extremely sorry, Rose. I will be very careful

about spending money hereafter. I will save money

as I can.” I responded her agreeing the mistake I

committed.

52

“Look, Ray, once we get settled and earn enough

money, I will never say no to you. In fact I will

ask you for buying new things for our family like

refrigerator, television and laptop...etc.” She said it

touching my cheeks.

She then kissed me.

“Stop it, please.” I said.

However still, she didn’t stop kissing me. Perhaps

she might have liked my gift.

“I need to get fresh rst,” I said.

“I’m in a mood now. Please come fast.” She said.

I still remember,

“It was a starry summer night. We were sleeping on

the top of the building. The sky was glittering shading

drops of silent light upon us. The night mesmerized

us of both with her twinkling stars in our eyes. The

wind was exciting and a bit biting with warming

cold. It was something like entire world’s ecstasy has

fallen upon us in a dim moonlight. That honey night

still bites me over and again.”

“Ray, is everything ready now. Are you okay?”

The ofcer at airport shouted and my memories wind

up into the heart with my duty interruption.

53

“I’m just waiting for your call, sir. Everything is okay

now. I’m coming in a moment.”

I said to the ofcer and entered in his cabin thinking

about Rose who might have reached home by then.

Bidding a farewell to my husband with heavy steps I

walked off the airport. I didn’t know something was

missing there. Nothing seemed meaningful to me

then; life looked so gloomy and dark, I murmured,

perhaps his absence was felt strongly to cope with the

surroundings encircled me. Oh…moving trees stood

still and the light in a day hid behind clouds and silent

winds were hinting at me something serious. Black

crows were crying kau…kau…kau…all of a sudden

over my head shedding tears of lost love in the air.

I asked a stranger,

“What time is it now?”

“12 at noon,” a passerby said.

I felt something evil was going to happen with me as

all bad omens had been dogging me since long.

I ignored all what was going to scare me and reached

home lonely waiting for a call from my husband.

Hours left, no call I received…may be my husband

was busy at work. I tried his mobile many times and

54

found that his mobile was out of reach. I was worried,

I heard the groaning, “Mamma, I want a glass of

water.” I regained my consciousness and rushed

to Riya lying helplessly in the bed as she was born

paralyzed, the only daughter we had.

I said, “Riya, how are you now?”

‘Fine, Mamma’, she said.

“Mamma, did you get your salary?” She asked me.

“Not yet, Riya, I do not know what’s wrong with

me. All teachers are worried because no salary has

been deposited in the bank for the last six months.

However you do not worry; I’ll manage anyhow and

hospitalize you at the earliest.” I assured her.

“Mamma, why you look so stressed, my dad will

bring lots of money and all our problems will be

solved soon. You know he promised me to hospitalize

me in America for the treatment of paralyses I have

been suffering since long.” Riya said.

Every moment I felt like carrying a huge stone on my

head. I was stressed However with whom I needed

to talk to and shared my despair. I used to tell her

that when he returned, we would live in a bungalow

and travelled around by a car. I used to talk about

55

all luxurious life to lead in future. Riya soon went to

sleep and dim light of the candle kindled in me and

out and I felt physically and mentally exhausted to

relax on the bed.

Just to close the door I stood at the door there. A

neighbor shouted and said, “Air Crash…” “What”?

I said.

“Yes, air crash, you can watch it on the television,”

she screamed.

The news terried me and my entire senses reeled

like a wheel of time in me. I knelt down and prayed

for his safety.

A neighbor said, “Come on, I will show you all.”

I regained my consciousness anyhow and picked up

falling courage and went straight to her door to see

what the matter was.

“Oh God, he is no more,” I screamed,

“How God can be so ruthless and unfair to me?

I felt unconscious for the whole night and was

thinking of committing suicide that night.

I talked to myself, “However what’s about Riya, how

will she survive without me?

During that horrible night I couldn’t let my eyelash

56

fall down.

At midnight, Riya said,

“You are still awake, Mamma. What’s wrong with

you? Why don’t you rest as you worked for the full

day?”

“Oh, yes…I’ll do,” a sobbing voice sprang out from

me.

“Are you crying, mamma?” She said.

“No, I just thought about something evil.

Nothing else,” I said.

The sun rays didn’t dare to enter my house; perhaps

the darkness in me and my house was so thick and

cruel.

Riya asked, “Are you not going to school today?”

“School…I forgot,” I said.

“Then, why are you not getting ready for it?” She

asked me again.

“Riya, I am not feeling well and therefore I need to

have some rest.” I said.

And then continued, “You tell me why God is so

cruel.”

“No, mamma, you are absolutely wrong in your

conception.” Riya said,

57

“God is not cruel. He sees our patience in life. He just

puts forth many ordeals to pass and bestows upon us

unending sufferings.”

“Yes, you’re right.” I agreed.

I was controlling my grief, still philosophy was

peeping out of me in a discontented tone. In the

morning as I was leaving for school, I knew some

dead bodies of the air crash were found and all were

being brought back to London for cremation.

A neighbor shouted,

“The plane got crashed when it was landing, a big

re…a big explosion…

Almost all died on the spot, you know.”

I found Riya thinking of the world outside. Slowly

she closed her eyes and seeped into imagination.

Something was lingering her mind.

Riya might be thinking about,

“The dust-kissing drops of rain pouring from the dark

sky were busy at encircling tiny holes into the heated

land and spreading perfume of wet land all around.

And the dust was bursting into tiny particles and

dancing in the air pleasantly at the approach of rain.

A red tooth of bleeding lightening was roaring like a

58

tiger behind dark clouds of rain and the rain-loaded

clouds were pushing other clouds and marching

silently onwards. All of them were lost in playing

a childish game of hide and seek. The wind was

blowing cold air through lungs of tired mind. And

children were collecting hailstones into pockets and

singing songs of rain. The land seemed to be satised

with the pouring of rain upon her and was smiling

at me. A few rain drops were still dripping through

the pipes hung high at the roof. Trees shed drops of

rain resting on their backs on to the ground steadily.

The retiring sun rays were feeling cold touch of air,

enlightening the particles and kissing them tenderly.

People were opening the doors heated air packed

inside and moving out of their rooms to feel the

breeze of trees inviting me and all.”

59

III

AT THE AIRPORT

“I’m getting late to the airport now. You know I am

ordered to resume my work as y to as a pilot

for the rst time. It takes only one hour forty-ve

minutes to reach Male, the capital city of Maldives.

Having had enough training course in London as a

pilot, I am still a little bit scared to enter into the new

profession. Rose, I am going to call you as soon as I

get there. Don’t worry about me. Take care of Riya

and yourself,” Ray said to me,

“Rose, are you coming with me to the airport?”

“Just wait for a while, I am getting ready.” I replied.

“Rose, have you given medication to Riya?” Ray

asked.

“Yes, I did. She will not get up by the time I reach

home.” I said.

Both reached airport in time. The airport was

crowded as usual; passengers were in a queue to get

their luggage checked. A woman was quarrelling

with the ofcers of custom duty to carry her excess

60

luggage without ne to be paid in dollars that was,

of course, more than twenty kilogram excluding her

seven kilogram luggage secretly carrying in her hand

as a hand bag. She had almost asked all the customers

in a queue to adjust her luggage with their luggage.

She seemed to be a quarrelling woman with a baby

playing around. And a man wearing a red cap was

caught by ofcers for carrying a gym appliance with

him for his physical exercise. He was asking for the

permission to carry the same with him.

“Rose, the plane is delayed due to heavy rain. And

anew schedule of plane departure has already been

displayed on the screen. I need to talk to the ofcers

rst and get back to you shortly.” Ray said.

“Okay, I will be here waiting for you. Come soon.”

I said.

After half an hour, Ray arrived and said,

“The plane boarded from her is going to arrive here

late by two hours. We have enough time to talk now.

Let’s have a cup of coffee in a restaurant.”

“As you wish,” I went silently along with him.

“Since our wedding I have not talked to you about

your past life you led before wedding. I only know

61

that this is your second wedding with me. Your

dazzling beauty and innocence fascinated me very

much. I fell in love with you at rst sight. However

you refused to talk to me many times. I still know I

wrote many love letters to you as well to get you at

any cost. And you used to simply tear it off and throw

at the dust bin.

You know one day I asked you directly,

“Do you love me or not? I wanted to get married to

you.”

Then you looked at me and said, “I hate love and

wedding both.”

After two years you asked me, “What am I?”

“I am a pilot. I said so proudly to you.

In the course of time, all your hatred luckily turned

out to be love for me. We loved, got married and had

Riya, a paralyzed daughter unfortunately later.”

“Say something, Rose, I am talking to you now,” Ray

asked,

“Why are you so silent since long I observe you?”

“Is there something serious happened in your life and

therefore you never want to share your problems with

me at any cost.”

62

“Rose, you know if we share our problems to others,

we get a relief from our stressed minds.”

Ray was closely reading her face and expecting her at

least say something in turn.

“I am indeed worried to recall what happened with

me before our wedding. It is a story of suffering and

great relief I could have because of a savior from

skies for my help. Perhaps you may get angry with

me and break up our relations forever.” I spoke softly

in a mufed voice.

“I am strong and mature enough you know. I believe

in you more than I believe myself. I trust you, my

sweetheart. Come on; tell me truth you have concealed

in you for a long time.”Ray insisted.

“Okay, as you insist.” I cleared my voice and made it

a little louder gathering my courage.

“As you know, I belong to a very poor orthodox

family. It was very difcult for my parents to run

the family. My parents used to suffer economically

since my birth and had a debt upon them to pay in

time. They always wanted a boy-child to be born in

the family and my birth disappointed both of them

anyhow. Before my birth, they actually wanted to

63

abort me. However, my father couldn’t do so because

there were a few complications which might have

occurred to my loved mother causing her to die after

the abortion. She had been suffering from stomach

ache since their wedding and all the treatments given

by doctors were in vain. And being so poor, we could

not afford high fees of doctors for her operation.

Her problems of operation actually gave me my life

back.” I sighed and then continued.

“My mother passed away when I was just ten years

old and my father met a road accident at the time of

my rst wedding.”

Ray found her sobbing; her red eyes and reddened

face clearly showed him that something very serious

must have happened in her life. However, the tears on

her cheeks had almost dried up.

I continued clearing my voice again and said,

“Ray, do you want me to continue my story or stop

her?”

“I think you might have a lot work to do.”I said.

“I have still one and half hour more; you do not worry

about me.” Ray said,

64

“However, I am indeed sorry I hurt you by asking to

divulge your past in front of me. You are nostalgic

now. I can understand how much you must have

suffered in your life since your birth. Now the days of

your suffering have gone far away from you. It’s your

new birth; just think so. The past is gone, you know.

Leave what happened with you and be positive to

yourself henceforth. Think of the present and future.

And bear in your mind one thing that the pricking

past you led before must not spoil your present and

future. What happened with you was your past and

me and Riya is your present and future. It’s me who

troubled you a lot; I cannot see you crying at the time

of my departure from you.”

“No, Ray…

Now you will have to listen to me now,” I condently

continued.

“Just before the death of my father, my wedding was

arranged with a carpenter. Feel the wrath of time; he

turned out to be drunkard, cruel and short-tempered.

Every night he used to beat me and I was forced to

listen to his stupid stories for hours, you know. He

used to scare me and threatened to kill me asking for

65

the reasons of fewer dowries he received, which is

fty thousand rupees my father had given him selling

our home. My father died on the same date I got

married to him in the road accident I told you. I was

completely embarrassed to lead my wandering life

thereafter. I was lonely, homeless and friendless.”

This is actually where my sufferings begin. Ray, I

was fed up with the life I led - a ceaseless chain of

endless miseries.

I went on...

“One day my husband made a deal with Mia, a

prostitute and sold me to her profession for the sake

of money. He got ninety thousand rupees in turn. Ray,

this is true…I was forced to enter that profession. I

still know it was my rst day; the customers were

struggling to get me and ready to pay the money Mia

wanted. I was looking at all happenings through a key

hole. I was beautied and made to sit in a room. I

cried loudly and refused to do so. They convinced

me saying that every girl refuses to do so, later it

becomes habitual. They even warned to kill me if I do

not listen to them. The dark woman chewing a betel

nut repeatedly said to me,

66

“If you are not ready within ve minutes, I will pour

kerosene on you and burn you here.”

Ray, after all, dear death seemed to be a great relief

from the life of death I led. Indeed, the life I led

was dead, empty and meaningless. Later, I gathered

courage and fought against the oddities of life and

helpless fate that have already bought to the world

unknown. It was 11 O’clock at night. A drunken

middle-aged man entered my room. He seemed to be

very rich from a good family; perhaps the dress he

put on was expensive. His golden chain was coming

out of his unbuttoned shirt and a thick bracelet was

moving with his hands. Then I thought for a while,

how can the people belonging to good families come

here without thinking of their own families? How can

they keep their children and wife at home and spend

nights for sensuous happiness here? Many questions

were bafing me and making a way to come out. I

was feeling very vulnerable and worried about my

own life trapped in labyrinth. I was thinking where

to go. I was talking to myself: “Is there any way that

can take me away from all such maddening crowd

of absurd life? Will there be any mythological hero

67

or superman or a savior who can rescue me from

horried situations I got trapped in?

Do you want a glass of beer? A customer said to me.

“No,” I said.

He was approaching me as if he has a complete right

to own me legally.

I asked him, “Does your wife know about this?”

He said, “Yes, my children too.”

He continued, “And knowing this also, what will they

do? I earn money and I have the right to spend the

money the way I like. I can live my life the way I feel,

you know. What is wrong doing all such things?”

“Nothing,” I said in a little voice.

Something was terribly going wrong with him. I

observed. I dared to ask him again,

“Do you not think you are killing a living being here?

You know, no woman is willing to do this. She has

some problems that forced her to do it.” I said.

“Why should I think about you and your problems

now?”A customer said, “The night is mine and I have

to live my life the way I want. I am what I am, that’s

all.”

I was actually thinking of telling him what happened

with me and how I was brought there. However, he

68

was not in the mood of listening to me anymore. He

said:

“I am an educated man. I can understand almost all

problems of women in London. I know what makes

them come willingly or unwilling. You do not teach

me.”

“Then your education is a complete waste of time.

You are young; you can eradicate problems of a

woman.” I added.

“I am not a social worker or reformer.” He said

strongly.

You know when prostitutes get older; there is nobody

to look after them. They are used by the people like

you and thrown in the dust bin to rust forever.

“What is your profession?” I asked him.

“A businessman,” he said,

“I had a great loss in my business since I started my

business. Business means loss or gain comes naturally,

nothing else. It happens with every businessman. I

am stressed and annoyed, to release my tension and

anxieties, I do come here sometimes. I usually have a

beer and come here seeking pleasure”, he said.

He asked me,

69

“Have you been brought here forcibly?”

I said, “Yes.”

“Then tell me what happened with you,” he asked me.

I told him what had happened with me. He listened to

a story of lost parents in early age and extreme cruelty

of my husband. He thought about my brutal destiny

ending me forever. All of a sudden, he laughed at me

and said,

“Every girl who comes here says the same thing you

say. This is habitual to me.”

Again he became quite serious and said,

“I met many girls like you. However, nobody is as

true as you are. Nobody asked me questions like this. I

am truly enthralled by your innocence, homelessness

and honesty. You made me feel concerned about the

problems of women in London. Every husband wants

to know the nature of a woman. However, he fails to

know her completely as a wife. Thank you very much

for the open discussions you made with me. Usually

I come here, do what is meant and leave away. Truly,

the tears in your eyes are beyond doubt. Your tears

tell me no lies. I believe in you and the stories you

told me. He buttoned his shirt and retreated to the

70

door. He again asked me,

“Do you indeed want to escape from her?”

“Yes,” I said.

He told me, “Just do as I tell you. I will go and tell

Mia paying her extra charges to take you along with

me to my own house. I am sure that she never says

no to me in such matters as I am an old customer and

always pays the amount she asks for. You will have to

simply get in my car and come along with me silently

till we leave this area.”

“Is it clear?” He asked me.

“Yes,” I said happily.

When I was touching his feet, he retreated a bit

backwards and blessed me without touching my

shoulders. Everything happening with me was like

a dream, absolutely an unbelievable fact of human

philanthropy. God in human esh rushed to assist me.

I never dreamt such experience in my life before. He

opened the door and nally, I came out of the room.

Mia asked him,

“What happened, leaving her so early?”

“Didn’t you like her at all?”

“Not such as you think right now. I’m taking her

71

along with me as there is nobody at home. Take your

extra charges!” He said.

Mia refused to accept the amount; I thought perhaps

she expected more money from him. I was indeed

bewildered to notice the fact that she didn’t take extra

money from him saying, “Go anywhere you want,

enjoy. However, do not forget to send her back again

to me because she is an unlimited source of income

in this profession. Send her back before 9 O’ clock in

the morning tomorrow. You regularly pay money to

me. I really feel ashamed to extract more money from

you every time.”

I looked at her honesty in the profession like

prostitution. I was indeed surprised to see all their

dealings of the profession they run.

A blue colored car appeared in front of the gate. I was

tensed to get in the car and thought deeply perhaps

the man who took me along with him was a cheater or

a simple guy. I didn’t know about him much. I nally

got in his car. He sat silently beside me looking at the

running trees on the road in a blank mood. The light

music in that car was pleasing me a lot. A car was

moving fast on the silent, inviting and blue-coloured

72

roads in Pisa at night. In front of Twinkling Stars

Restaurant, he stopped the car and said,

“I’m hungry now, I need to have dinner,” he then

asked me,

“Would you please join me?”

I said, “No.”

Basically, I was very hungry; I hadn’t had enough

food for the last many days. He insisted and my steps

automatically walked towards a restaurant. He placed

a menu in my hand and asked me to order the dish

I preferred the most. However, I had never been to

such hotels before and I had no idea how to order

looking at the menu in a restaurant. I said,

“You give orders for any dish of your choice and a

vegetarian dish will do for me.”

He was quite silent, looking at my innocence or

perhaps stupidity. He gave orders for me only and he

ordered an ice-cream for him to accompany me. He

said,

“I’m not hungry. I had food and wine before I left. I

am sorry I told you a lie to bring you here. And thanks

a lot to you as you opened my eyes. I need to always

think of my family rst and then business and avoid

73

going to prostitutes.”

He paid the bill and asked me,

“Where do you want me to drop you?”

I was utterly directionless and I didn’t want to trouble

him anymore. I trusted that man, however, I still felt

like escaping from his clutches at the earliest.

“I am going to Florence.” I said.

He said okay and dropped me at the bus stop nearest

to that restaurant. He got me a seat in the bus and

said,

“I think you need some money.” I was silent at that

time. And he handed me over ve thousand rupees

and left me smiling.”

“This is my journey from Pisa to Florence by bus,

Ray.” I said.

Ray was stunned, silently listening to me.

“What is next?” He asked me.

You know, in fact, nobody was familiar to me in

Florence; even I didn’t have any relatives there. I was

standing beside people sleeping on the benches as

their own home. There were nearly about a hundred

people in total. The battery of my mobile phone

was very low, only one line was dancing indicating

74

a red light. It was frustrating to look for a contact

number of one of my friends in Florence. Finally, I

found no contact number in my mobile. I thought

that it was totally a waste of time choosing the place

for my destination. Luckily, my search for contacts

didn’t go wasted. Finally, I got one contact of Ruhi,

my childhood friend from Pisa. No sooner did I take

out a pen to write the number, my mobile phone got

switched off. I was disappointed to see all that. Again

I tried to switch on my mobile, it opened by chance

and I could write the number in the diary. I asked for

a mobile to an impeccably dressed gentleman. I was

waiting for a bus and I had to make an urgent call to

my friend. He gave me his mobile phone and I could

call Ruhi. However, I thought that it was an unused

call because I knew she was surely from Pisa. I made

a call to her and spoke out,

“I’m Rose, your childhood friend.

You remember…

Where are you right now?”

I could recognize her voice clearly as there was a little

change in her voice. I felt her voice quite mature.

Rubi said on the phone -

75

“Rose, how can I forget you, you are the best friend

I have ever had. I am in Florence working as a bank

manager.

“Where are you now?” She asked me.

I said, “In Florence at the central bus stand.”

“Wait there for a while; I will pick you up within

fteen minutes.”Rubi said. I was crying, however,

my eyes were lled with tears of delight for the rst

time. I thought the world was as if mine then.

At 6.30 a.m. Ryan took me to her home. The same

day I shared my painful story to her and she was

completely shocked to know all that. Listening to the

story, she boosted my condence and generated in

me the feelings of a strong struggler in life.

“Ray, you know the rest of my story.” I said.

I continued, later on I joined Business Hub in Florence

and solved the problem of bread and butter and daily

wages.

This is what had happened with me, Ray. I was

looking at Ray who seemed to have lost in trance. He

must have lost his self and deeply absorbed into the

story I told him.

“Rose,” Ray said,

76

“I indeed appreciate all your efforts to come out of

danger. I salute you for your valor and learn a moral

lesson from you that a man should not stop struggling

until destiny smiles at him. Please, you do not bother

about what I might have felt after listening to your

story. In reality, you told me the truth at the right time

at a right place.”

“Rose, if you had told me the story at the time of our

wedding, I would have mistaken you.” Ray said and

went on,

“However, I know you very well. If I were you, I

would have done what you did in reality.” Ray spoke

out encouraging her.

“This is the time to depart now, Riya might have

woken up and you need to get going as she is waiting

for you. She is all alone at home, you know.” Bidding

a farewell, “see you soon, Bye, Bye.” Ray hugged

her tightly and kissed on her forehead feeling love,

concern and affection for her.

77

IV

AT HOME

It was raining cats and dogs outside. Trees swayed

from the roots to escape from the wrath of red

lightening in the dark sky. Clouds were loaded with

heavy rain water rushing to win the race of fetching

water to the sea on the earth. Uprooted trees have

almost blocked all the roads towards the way home.

An empty, sightless, blue sky was unconsciously

staring at me and scolding me to go home before

lightening sparkled in the capricious sky.

No way was perfect for me to reach home at any cost.

I gathered a little courage and fought with the cruel

nature all around me. I got drenched into water; still I

struggled to walk through an incessant ow of water.

My sari was torn and wet, and I was feeling a bit

heavier to walk all along the way home.

Reaching home, I found my child counting for the last

breath of her life. I hugged her tightly close to my heart.

Riya, Riya.

I love you a lot.

78

I am really very sorry for you.

No response I received from her. So I checked her

heartbeats putting my ears close to her heart, nose to

her warm breathing, sensing her deepened pulses. I re-

sensed her heart beating rarely and breathing hardly.

Her pulse was numb and was swelling red. I picked

up her in my arms and rushed to hospital. No doctor

was ready to admit her as I was penniless. I pulled

out my golden necklace so-called Mangalsutra and

offered to the doctor.

“This is not enough, madam?” a doctor said,

However, I wanted to admit her for operation at any

cost. “You rst get money from anywhere.” A doctor

said, “Money makes the mare go.”

“I do not assure you to cure her completely. You just

sign on the paper after paying fees.”

It was a very critical condition of Riya who was

relentlessly groaning on the stretcher. The doctor

seemed to love money rather than her life. I felt so.

Riya was rolling on the stretcher painfully and the

doctor was simply looking at her.

“The child will die if I do not take her to the Operation

79

Theatre. You do one thing; you arrange money

anyhow from anywhere till I take her to Operation

Theater. This is an emergency case.” A doctor said

and left for the Operation Theatre.

All of a sudden, the doctor agreed with all the

conditions laid down to me. Who knows how?

And why? I fell down on the bench in the hospital

unconsciously and started thinking about my

uninterrupted chain of endless miseries.

The operation was successful.

Riya was in a deep thought about her own life in the

Operation Theatre looking at her life stuck in a dark

room,

“Oh Lord, why did you give me birth paralyzed? You

made me seat in a dark room silently for the whole

day and night. I’m dying to live life outside, touch

rain water and feel ecstasy of life within and without.

But, I can’t do so here within four walls. The walls

of my room I was trapped in are grey in colour even

hate to look at me right now. The mirror hanging on

the wall refuses to identify me. It reects a dim light

upon my faceless face doing a little favor of time.

80

The suffocated, stale air in my room struggles hard

to meet the sun rays which are stuck at the cloudy

chimney and the air wishes to get drenched in water

outside. It is eager to dash against the window bars

seeking my permission to release her. Even the

mosquitoes are fed up of my dead body lying in a

dark room paralyzed in the bed. They also refuse to

accept my enmity as they deny biting me. The dark

room wherein my destiny put me into is a hell, is

asking for a light of hope. The blue colors of the wall

turning into white are faint, bare and quite old, are

demanding colors of rainbow upon them. The cot on

which I was kept lying helplessly seeks to change her

position anyhow. The particles in my dark room are

encircling me to open the new doors of their destiny

and live the life of their own. God has cut a joke upon

me making all others suffer because of me. I’m Riya

asking for the death of life. I’m killing cruel times

having hopes against all hopes of survival.

“How are you, Riya? The doctor asked.

“I am feeling much better,” Riya replied,

“I have no pain at all. Tell me, will I get a complete

recovery.”

81

“Yes, it’s possible. However, you will have to undergo

one more operation again in America. And it costs

very much, see whether your parents afford it or not.

I do not know about it.” The doctor said.

“You are right, doctor,” Riya said,

“We are suffering nancially right now. Still, my

father has promised to take me to America for the

next operation. He tries his level best for my complete

recovery from paralysis, a life of death.”

“Then, there is no problem for you at all.” The doctor

said to her.

“Now also, my parents have never neglected me since

my birth as a paralyzed girl-child. I think that no

parents in the world can tolerate all this. My mother

always looks after me with love and care and father

buys expensive medicines to recover me as early as

possible.” Riya cried loudly.

Diverting her mind, the doctor said,

“Do you like reading and writing?”

“Yes, I do,” Riya said,

“My mother taught me how to read and write. You

know I can read books, magazines and newspapers

to kill my time. However, I tell you the fact that I am

82

completely fed up of the life I lead. I simply lie on the

bed for the entire day and night. Even I am not able to

move by myself. I always need a support. I feel like

going to school to learn and be a successful woman

in my life.”

“How old are you?” The doctor asked me.

“I am seven years old.” Riya said.

“Doctor, at least cure me properly so that I can be a

great help to my mummy in her household activities.”

She said.

“Medicines I have prescribed are indeed very

effective. You will get strength in your organs slowly.

Do not lose your condence and always try to move

by yourself slowly. Time is the best medicine that

cures all diseases if He thinks so. Now, this is the

time you need experts in our profession to help you

come out of this completely.” The doctor reassured

Riya.

“Thank you doctor for your moral support and

motivation.” Riya said.

“Take care,” the doctor said wishing her strength and

hope.

83

The doctor then came out of the operation theater and

said,

“Nothing to worry now, the child is out of danger

now.”

I was about to touch his feet, once he said so,

“No, it’s all right. Then I offered him the golden

necklace for the operation he has undertaken for my

child.

He said, “No need.”

“But why? I said.

He said, “All your money is paid and the next operation

will be done in America. Take your Magalsutra and

wear it.”

He gave my Magalsutra back to me and said,

“Go home and take care of her. Everything will be all

right.” The doctor assured me.

I was indeed surprised about who must have done all

this.

“Who paid your fees?” I asked him.

“Just relax, all the fees is paid by the man who told

me not to disclose his name.

I was talking to myself that the doctor didn’t know

anything about the death of my husband in the

84

air crash. That’s why, he asked me to put on my

Mangalsuta back.

The doctor said,

“Now, you can meet your daughter. She is perfectly

all right now? Please, do not talk to her much.”

“Thank you very much, doctor,” I said and was about

to enter in her room to see her.

“Doctor, please tell me. Who paid the bills?” I asked

again.

“The man who paid money is the closest one to you.

You will be surprised to see him as soon as you reach

home.” He confused me and left.

I thought who the man must have been. I then felt for

a while that he must be alive somewhere. The news

must be wrong. “All the news on the television is not

true,” I mumbled.

“Is it not my husband who must have paid all the

fees? It is so because he is the nearest to me than

all. However, how can it be possible? The ofcial

announcement made on the television says,

“All the passengers in the plain are dead including a

pilot and other crew members.”

85

V

MIRACLE, RECONCILIATION AND HOPE

IN TRAUMA HEALING

I was utterly stunned and about to turn around to see

him if I could see him anywhere. I visualized that

his smiling face was spreading his arms to hug me

tightly in his uniform. His eyes were lled with tears

rolling continuously on his cheeks. I pinched myself

and tried to stop day dreaming.

Hardly had we reached home, I found my home door

open. I saw a man of the same height, colour, dress

and hairstyle standing in front of my home, waiting

for me.

“Oh, it’s Ray, my dear husband.” I cried.

I cleared my eyes and pinched myself many times.

However, I saw the same picture every time. It was

true that I was not dreaming at all.

“Rose”, Ray said, “I am here.”

I hugged him tightly and asked,

86

“Where were you?”

“And why didn’t you call me that you were alive.”

“Indeed you killed me.”

“It’s a miracle! That I see you alive now.” I said.

“Yes, miracles do happen!

First, you come inside, I will tell you what had

happened with me and how I am alive for you,” Ray

said,

“How is Riya now?”

“She is out of danger now, she is perfectly all right

because of you only.”

I said to Ray.

I was overwhelmed because I got my love back.

Riya’s operation was successful and my love returned

home. I was the happiest woman in the world. Still I

was very curious to know what must have happened

with him.

I asked him,

“Did you use a parachute to save your life?

Or else, you must have jumped into an ocean, swum

across a long distance and returned safe and sound.”

“Tell me what had happened with you,” I re-insisted,

“I know that you were in the aeroplane. Then, tell me

87

exactly what had happened with you all?

How is it possible to save your life when the ofcial

announcement says even the pilot is dead at the

crash?”

I kept on asking him many questions. His safe arrival

at home was enough for me, but his abrupt presence

had generated many questions into my mind, lingering

since long.

What must have happened there?” I asked myself.

I thought as I showered a rain of questions upon him,

he was unable to answer me properly.

“Tell me, Ray.

What’s the actual matter?” I asked him when he was

silent.

I said to him, “It is true that you were in the same

plane that was crashed. Then, how did you save your

life?

As per the information I received, nobody was alive

after the immense air crash, you know.

“Yes, I know,”Ray said,

“I am exhausted now, I will tell you a detailed story

later.”

“I am alive, isn’t it enough for you right now?” He

88

said.

“Yes, tell me in brief what had happened actually?”

Rose insisted.

“Okay, rst you sit in the chair here.

And do not disturb me till I complete the whole

story.” he said.

“Okay, my darling.” She said.

Ray went on telling me his story as, thus:

“It is true that you saw me driving the plane as a pilot

for the rst time. And you know that I was not so

perfect although I had completed all my trainings.

And this was also true that you had seen me taking

off my ight safely in the air. After an hour, I saw

a red indicator ickering, warning me a probable

danger of an air crash. I knew it was a minor problem.

However, it might be a major one any time in the air,

I thought. I actually didn’t want to take any risk at

all. So, I landed my plane to the nearest airport in

Colombo, the Capital city of Sri Lanka. When I met

the ofcers and shared the problem of my plane, they

laughed at me and said,

“You are absolutely new to this profession being a

89

pilot. And you need to have more training for the

same.”

Rose, you know very well that I was indeed very

scared to sit as a pilot in the same plane and drive

it with a known risk. All the ofcers were simply

staring at my long face and enjoying my expressions

of unknown fear displayed on the face. Finally, they

did me a favor by asking another pilot to pilot the

plane. They asked me to train myself well before I

enter the profession. They asked me to pay a ne for

urgent landing of plane and gave me a new schedule

to join the training in the rst week of next month.

“Then, what’s it about the air crash I had watched on

the television? Was it wrong?” Rose interrupted.

“You are right,” Ray said.

“The same plane with a replaced pilot got red while

landing. And nobody is alive in the plane.”

“Oh God, thanks a million!” Rose sighed,

“Oh Lord, you saved my life anyhow.”

Tears were rolling down my cheeks. All were tears of

love and happiness. Riya who was lying on the bed

helplessly was struggling to get something out of it.

She smiled again asking Papa to be with her forever.

90

“Your phone is ringing,” I said to Ray.

“Just a minute,” he said so taking a phone from me.

He was on the phone for fteen minutes in the yard.

When he returned, I asked him,

“What’s the matter? Who is there on the phone?”

He said,

“A seller of my paintings called me. He said that he

had sold my two paintings for seven hundred dollars

each to a foreigner and asked me to collect a demand

draft in the evening.”

“Congratulations to you, Ray.” Rose said,

“God bestows upon us a shower of blessings with

many hands like this.”

“Thank you so much,” I said.

Then, Ray took out an artistic shell necklace and a

key chain from his pocket and said,

“Rose, this is for you. I bought it in Colombo, the

Capital city of Sri Lanka.”

“So nice of you,” she said,

“You are alive and with me forever, is the most

precious gift to me.”

I was standing in front of the mirror and he was

behind me. He silently moved my hair aside and put

91

a necklace around my neck. My eyes were lled with

happiness when I said,

“I love you, Ray.” I said turning around and kissing

him.

On that day, I was on the top of the world. I thanked God

for many blessings bestowed upon us. I appreciated

Ray for his wonderful gift and his bewildering return.

“I forgot to tell you one more thing, Rose.” Ray said.

“What’s up? I asked him.

“I got promotion in my profession.” He said.

“How can you get promotion in the beginning?” I

asked him.

“I’m going to be promoted to a higher position at

the airport Engineering Section ofce than being a

mere pilot shortly. You need not to worry about me

as I am not supposed to y in the sky. I should check

plane machines before planes take off. I mean I’m

to monitor plane systems as I completed my M. E.

(Mechanical) you know. They have interviewed me

and veried all my documents.” Ray said.

“Then, what about a new training schedule given to

you that you told me earlier?” I asked him.

92

“Oh, that is only for keeping me engaged at work.”

He said.

“Please, you say no for this.” I said.

“Look, Rose, a trainer will be sitting beside me

always.” He assured me.

“Then, it’s okay.” I think.

“What will be your salary for the new job?” I asked

him.

“$1100/- per month.” I said.

“Congratulations to you once again!” I said to him.

“Today, God is smiling at both of us with blessings.”

“Rose, we need to shift our house in a couple of few

days as my ofce will be in Pisa. I can go by bus from

Florence regularly, however, that will be troublesome

to me.” Ray said to me,

“And Rose, why are you so silent now?

Are you not pleased to know this?”

“I’m sorry, Ray. I can’t come with you there.” I told

him.

“What’s the matter? What’s wrong with you?” He

asked me.

“You know, it is my birthplace. I spent my childhood

there and had the worst experiences of my life. I want

93

to forget them all and live with you happily here.” I

said.

“Can you change your ofce to Florence?” I asked

him.

“It’s not possible,” he said convincing me.

“Rose, nothing will happen to you there. I’m with

you now. We will live in a good area.”

“Okay, I’m ready as something good is waiting for

both of us.

I said, “Who knows what is next?”

“What is next is our present, Rose.” He said.

Within a week we shifted our house from Florence to

a good area. The place was indeed far away from the

place where I had horrible experiences.

One day, I went to a restaurant with Ray. The family

sitting in front of us was familiar to me. It was a

family of a customer who saved my life from Mia,

a prostitute. I was shocked to see him again as I was

trying to forget all those memories from my mind

at any cost. However, he was a good man who gave

me a new life to live. So, I couldn’t stop myself

introducing Ray to him.

94

After our dinner, I went straight to him with Ray and

said to him,

“This is Ray, working as an executive ofcer at the

engineering department in the airport. And I think

you know me, I’m Rose.”

“Oh, Rose, I know you well,” he said looking at his

wife sitting in front of him.

“How are you?”

“I’m ne,” I said.

“Who are they?” His wife asked him.

“She is my classmate. We have not met since our

school days.” He said.

I smiled as the customer told lies to his wife.

Later his wife said, “Okay.”

I was looking at the innocence and simplicity of

his wife. His children were very charming, busy at

enjoying their food. They had table manners and

etiquettes too.

I didn’t say anything to Ray there. When we set out

of that restaurant, I told Ray that he was the customer

who had saved my life from the clutches of Mia. Or

else I would have been a prostitute. Ray then turned

95

around and waved his hands to the man, the savior.

And he could understand what was meant to him. I

was looking into tearful eyes of Ray that expressed

his sincere feelings of gratitude to him.

Ray said to me,

“Look, the world is made up of both good and evil

people together. It exists because of good people

like him. Even it is not destroyed by evil people,

goodness triumphs over evil after all... Infact, good

people wheel the life cycle onwards.”

“Yes, you are absolutely right.” I said.

I also waved my hands to him for the benevolence

and kindness he showered upon me. Later, we went

to a garden. It was 9.00 p.m. The people were leaving

the garden along with their children.

“In London, the weddings are arranged by

conventional society in many regions. Parents still

choose the life partners for their sons and daughters.”

I said to Ray seating on the bench.

“Yes, it’s true. However, I didn’t get you very well.

What exactly do you mean?”Ray said.

“I mean a daughter or a son should be given liberty in

choosing their life partners.” I said.

96

“You mean that.” He said,

“In our nation, religion, caste, color etc. do not stand

as a barrier to wedding. However, love surpasses all

such barriers. Therefore, we can see many successful

inter-caste weddings in London despite disputes

today. Again, religion is a big issue in terms of

wedding because men are emotionally attached to

religious and cultural practices they belong to. This

causes many problems to the poor lovers in love.”

“Ray, do you believe in love or arranged wedding?”

I asked.

“Of course, love weddings as we did.” He said.

“Then what do you think about arranged weddings.”

I asked him.

“Arranged weddings are also good sometimes if the

life partner turns out to be a good one.” He said.

“Most of the love weddings are successful than

arranged weddings, I think?” I said.

“I agree with you because it is very important to

know your life partner whom you are getting married

to.” He said.

“Look, how our ideas come up with a realistic picture

while talking about a serious issue of love weddings

97

against arranged weddings?” I said,

“A family world of each individual becomes happier

if love weddings surpass arranged weddings in

London despite disputes in castes or religion. Law

and order effectively works the things out in terms of

weddings.”

“Yes, Rose, you are right.” He said.

Then, we came home.

The next day, we went to a mountainous area after

having been fed up with the hustle and bustle in the

city. Ray went to get some snacks for me while I was

lonely on the bridge; watched owing water that was

struggling to make her ways. Water was inviting,

white with thousands of bubbles rise up and all of

a sudden break into pieces. Ray after arriving there

asked me,

“What are you looking for so closely?”

“Swallow water,” I said.

“Oh, it’s indeed beautiful,” he said.

“What do you think of the nature all around you?” I

asked him.

“Always it hints at us showing how we have to live

and lead life ahead.” He said.

98

“You are right, Ray. I was also looking at courageous

waves making their ways through many hurdles.

Life is not at all still. It moves on and on with good

and bad times of beings. At bad times, life becomes

meaningless where nothing seems to please us. And

life becomes fascinating to all at good times. Even

sand and stones look beautiful at that time.” I said to

him.

“You are absolutely right, Rose,” he said.

“What do you think about human life?” I asked Ray.

“Human life is full of ordeals. It always challenges us

to outght all hurdles on the way. In fact, it surpasses

them all while thinking about the future. Water never

thinks of the past, but it acts in the present time and

condently leads to the future.”

He said.

“Are you looking at a ock of ducks gliding on the

water?” I asked him.

“Yes, I witnessed them all,” he replied.

“Look, how nicely they are marching towards us.

They are the happiest ones in the world. If I were

a bird, I would rather be happier than I am. I love

99

liberty, a life of own.” I said.

“Who knows whether a bird is happy or sad?” He

said.

“Of course, they are happy because nothing hurts

them at all.” I said.

“What we behold in reality never means what the

fact must be. Perhaps they do not exhibit their grief

hidden deeply inside them. They feel like divulging

secrets to us about their problems in life. However,

they can’t. They are always silent by temperament

and remain speechless by the decree of God.” He said

to me.

“Perhaps you are right, Ray. Who knows much about

their lives?” I said.

“Rose, whatever it is, one thing is true that nature is

always beautiful. It fascinates one and all with her

unpredictable powers. It’s great solace to sensitive

beings that can easily be hurt and get lost in life.” He

said.

“Indeed you made my evening special. Thank you

very much for bringing me here. I feel very happy

today.” I said.

“Okay, it’s time to move now.” He said.

100

Later, both of us returned home, but still, the picture

of water dashing against stones and breaking into

tiny pieces was still lingering in my mind. The

water which was marching ahead overcoming all the

challenges had impressed me a lot. It was a lesson to

human beings because it always motivates us to be

like struggling waves in the battle of life.

The next day when I woke up, I was bewildered to

see the same picture in the hands of Ray as he had

painted the picture on the drawing sheet for the whole

night.

“It’s indeed beautiful,” I said.

“Thank you, my darling.” Ray said.

“How did you know that I liked the scene very

much?”I asked him.

“I can read you very well, Rose.” He said.

I hanged the picture in the gallery where he had

written “Struggle like waves.”

It was my time to go to bed.

I asked Ray,

“Will you give me permission if I ask you something

for?”

“Yes, of course.” He said.

101

“I wanted to see Ronaldo, my rst husband.” I said,

“Why are you still thinking about him?” Ray said,

“You have almost forgotten him that you had said to

me earlier.”

“It is true that he exploited me a lot. He used to beat

me every night. I also said all those experiences still

torture me even today. But still, I want to secretly

know something more about him anyhow.” I said to

Ray.

“Please, never seek my permission for anything you

do because you always do the right. I can understand

your feelings for him. Every evil man has goodness

somewhere in him. Who knows he might have

changed into a good human being after the incident?

Life changes our time radically once it eets along

with experiences in the course of time.”

Ray said.

“He did nothing good to me. He was the worst

companion in my life, an unnecessary load exerted

on the earth.” I said.

“Then why do you feel like meeting him again.” He

asked me.

“Not only now I felt like this, but also for the last many

102

months. I certainly feel that something was terribly

wrong with him once he sold me to Mia, a prostitute.

A man who ruins me nally nds himself in dust. In

short, I just wanted to know what happened next in

his life. Perhaps he must have remarried to another

innocent girl and sold her to Mia.” I said to Ray.

“Okay, we will go there and get information about

him.” He said.

“Thank you very much, Ray.” I said.

The next day we set out for that area exploration. It

was a hot day. Ray drove me to my old house where

I entered as a newly wedded bride. The roads were

unfamiliar to me due to the new constructions in that

area. The sky-touching buildings had almost closed

all my ways to old house of in-law’s family. I could

nd out a narrow way to reach my house that was

indeed with full of ditches to walk through and cross

the road. Many houses neighboring my house had

been demolished and replaced with new buildings

and plot markings. I could see the garden in front

of my house. Perhaps, God saved my house from

demolition anyhow. Ray refused to come along with

me; so he stood near the garden and asked me to enter

103

in. The old electricity board, poles with hanging wire

was the same. I had written on the electricity board

“Danger” with a white chalk, it was not yet wiped

off by anybody. And a grey-colored building in the

front yard stood still as it was before. It was clear that

a very few things got changed there after I was sold

to Mia, a prostitute. The sand in the yard was heated

and felt familiar to me once I trod the path. The colors

of the wall were almost fainted, and the broken arm

chair with wheels recalled me the day of our wedding.

Rex, a black dog lovingly looked at me moving his

tail and approached me steadily. I took the dog in my

arms and consoled him. Everything seemed to be

unchanged and still. We had reached that slum area

after many difculties because many new buildings

were constructed in the location. No sooner did I look

at that house, all my dead memories stood in front of

me like a king cobra. My mind was still looking for

something I lost there forever. Perhaps it was my dad

who met an accident and died on the spot in a road

accident next to that house. Who knows his memory

must have brought me there again?

104

However, the door was locked. I found an old woman

sitting in front of the house. She recognized me and

said,

“Where have you been so long?”

“It’s a long story. I will tell you some other day. You

rst tell me why the door is locked.” I asked her,

“Where is Ronaldo now?”

“Ronaldo, he was handcuffed by the police because

he was indulged into the sex scandal of supplying

girls to Mia, a prostitute. I heard that Riley, an old

customer of hers lodged a complaint against Mia who

had been running a profession of prostitution since

long. Many girls selling bodies against their will

were forcibly brought into the profession. All those

girls were released from there by the CBI government

ofcers on duty and given good jobs as a source of

income thereafter.” That old woman said.

“Oh, I see.” I said, “Then Ronaldo must be in jail.”

“Rose, he is no more now. As you know that he was

addicted to drinking wine excessively. Almost all the

doctors warned him that even a single drop of wine

would take his life away. He didn’t listen to anyone

else and nished his life. He died in jail just in a week

105

after his arrest.” She said.

“How are you, Rose?” The old woman asked me

again.

“Fine,”

I said it retreating myself and returning to Ray forever.

After ve years, Riya was hospitalized in America for

her operation of paralyses she had been suffering for

a long time. Fortunately, she got a complete recovery

there and we got back to London.

Riya grew up as an independent, strong and beautiful

woman. Her operation of paralyses in America and

the medications prescribed by doctors made radical

changes in her body. She resembles me in facial

features.

One day, I took her to school for admission. The

principal interviewed her for half an hour and allowed

her to seek her admission in seventh standard.

She completed her education from seventh up to

graduation in the same institution. She is talented and

a born artist as her father. It was in Prince’s Science

and Arts College in Florence, a well-known college.

106

She was good at learning from the beginning. She

used to analyze facts on her own with whatever

experience she had during her span of life.

“Live-in relationship, I hate it,” Riya said to Isabella,

her friend,

“Why a man falls in love and asks for the death of

love in it.”

“I do not get it well.” Isabella said.

“I mean a live-in relationship is the worst thing as it

does break the divinity of love.”

“No, I do not agree with you in this regard,” Isabella

replied,

“Live-in relationship strengthens a delicate bond

of love rmly. It brings body and soul together and

boosts condence, so lovers need to continue their

relationship further.”

“You are right, Isabella. However, it is a great risk

to the life of a girl. Once she is rejected by her lover,

then she has to be locked in a dark room for the whole

life. Who guarantees a lover after all?” Riya said.

“I got what you meant. Look, a man is free, and in the

same way a girl is also free. She can look for another

life partner.” Isabella said.

107

“Who will marry her then?” Riya said.

“Anyone,” Isabella said.

“You have gone mad,” Riya said,

“Live-in relationship brings two bodies close.

However, it keeps minds stand poles apart.”

“What do you mean by love?” Isabella asked Riya.

“Love is love that counts even after death. It is an

inseparable bond between two lovers. There is a

presence of divinity where two bodies and true minds

intermingle forever. It is beyond the reach of social

obligations.”

“Which wedding do you prefer?” Isabella asked.

“Of course, love wedding as my parents did.”

Riya said,

“My parents love each other. They are always together

and have the same vision of life. I was also brought

up lovingly. They gave me birth as a girl child and

saved me from paralyses. Suppose if they had a live-

in relationship, the story would have been different.

I truly hate live-in relationship and believe in true

love.”

“You are right, I do not argue with you. But still, I

feel that a live-in relationship would be better where

108

one can choose the life partner of one’s own and lead

the life condently thereafter. If one likes it, one can

continue one’s relations. If not, quit it any time and

go for the next.” Isabella said.

“Isabella, something has terribly gone wrong with

your mind. Life is yours, make a decision of your own

about love and wedding. As I am your friend, I tell

you one thing that this is a very important decision

in life; the choice makes us suffer in life. A choice is

suffering and suffering is an action. So, please, think

deeply before you do anything with your life. We are

born and die once.” Riya said.

“We are actually getting late for our last lecture.

Our English professor must be waiting for us in the

lecture hall.”

“My dear students, what is a live-in relationship?”

The English lecturer asked students.

Isabella looked at Riya angrily and got up from her

seat. She collected all her notebooks and suddenly

left the room with many questions unsolved and

unexplained. She was stressed while leaving the

room.

“Look, this is the best example of live-in relationship.”

109

A lecturer commented on her and all the class roared

in great laugher.

Ray was busy in his ofce work. I was alone at home.

Riya also came late that night. She came and asked

me to come along with her upstairs. We went upstairs.

I asked her,

“Why are you late today?”

“Mummy, today there is a meeting with the Principal

about college gathering. Each student is said to

participate in at least one of the events. I suggested

my name for painting, quiz and essay-writing

competition. Our gathering date is near; please guide

me in essay-writing.”

“What’s the topic?” I asked her.

“Save a Girl-child: Need of Life.”

“You can do it.” I motivated her.

“Yes, I can. But still, I need some stuff to think over

the matter deeply.” She said.

“I can help you by telling my own story that you do

not know. It’s about saving a girl-child.”

I said,

“Will you listen to it?” I asked her.

“Yes, mummy. Tell me now, what’s that? She showed

110

her interest in the story.

Listen to the true story now, Ronaldo is your

grandfather and Rayna grandmother. Both are my

parents, got me.

“I know they are my grandparents and their names

too, mummy. What’s next?” She said.

“Do not disturb me till the story is over.” I said.

“Okay, go ahead.” She said.

Once Ronaldo said to Rayna,

“We had better check whether we have a son or a

daughter.”

“No need to check it. It’s God’s gift I’ll give birth

to any one of them, a male or a female. A son or a

daughter makes no difference to me.” Rayna said to

him.

“You bitch; it is a big difference to me. I want a son

only. If a daughter is born, I’ll kill you and your child

together.” He said so and left home.

“How can I convince my husband the worth of a girl-

child? Who will tell him about it? Is he a beast or

a devil in the guise of a human being?” Rayna was

talking to herself.

She was not able to walk properly due to much stress

111

and a girl-child in the womb. She was psychologically

sick and needed support of the wall for nding a way

to the bathroom. She had to do all her household

activities before your grandfather returned home.

She used to put her hands rmly on the wall as she

walks. At night, Ronaldo talked about the same

subject insisting on the birth of a boy-child. Your

grandmother was fed up of all that.

“You bitch; you have already given births to two

girl-children before. And you know me very well

that I killed both of them. This time, I want a son at

any cost. If it doesn’t happen, I’ll kill you both and

remarry another woman.” Ronaldo shouted at her.

“Do as you like. However, this time I’ll give birth to

a girl-child.” Rayna said to him.

“How do you know that it’s a girl-child in your

womb?” He asked her.

“Yes, it’s intuition, I can feel her inside. She is asking

for her life.” She said,

“You are a killer. You have brutally killed our two

girl-children.”

“Yes, I am. Do you have any doubts?” He said.

“Not at all.” She said.

112

“I want a son now because a boy shines like a sun

and can continue our family line whereas a daughter

can’t.” He said.

“Just think of Savitri, Zansi Queen, Indira Gandhi

and Mother Teresa, all are great Indian women. All

of them were born as a girl-child and not a boy-child.

Whatever may be the consequences of my action, I’m

giving birth to a girl-child because this is a question

of a lost identity of a female in the world. Who are

you to decide what sex a baby should carry taking

a birth? I heard that a male is responsible for sex

determination and not a female. It is something like

XX chromosomes for a girl and XY for a boy. Thus,

for a male it is XY and a female XX both.” She said.

“I do not know; what are you talking about? Stop

quarrelling with me and do what I say. This is my

nal order to you as I’m after all your husband. Just

follow what I say as I know that the brain of a woman

lies in knees. Therefore, you’ll not think what I can.”

Ronaldo said.

“Yes, you only think of killing daughters after birth.

You have already killed two daughters and you’ll do

the same with the next girl-child in my womb.”

113

“What can I do? You tell me I want a son. You also

know why we want him.” He said.

“You want a boy-child, but it doesn’t mean to kill

girl-children. God must be taking an acid test because

he wants to know how many girl-children you can

kill like this.” She said.

“You bitch, keep quiet.” Ronaldo slapped her.

“Okay, you can kill me, but not my daughter. I touch

your feet.” She said.

Ronaldo deeply thought over the matter. Rayna

expected a positive change in him by God’s grace.

“Yes. Rayna. You are absolutely right.

You are indeed brilliant.

How lucky I am to get you as my wife producing girl-

children only.” He said.

“Why did you get married to me then?” You had

better gotten married to a man who can only give you

men. What is the role of a woman in this world? Let

her perish and you can conquer the whole world. Man

is incomplete without a woman.” She cried,

“You men are indeed selsh. You just think about

yourself. I lived with you for three years. All the

114

years have been horrible to me. I wanted to die now.”

She said.

“Go and end yourself then; who stops you?” Ronaldo

said.

“A girl child in my womb.” She said,

“Who gave you birth, a father or a mother?” She

asked him.

“Both,” He said.

“No, a father cannot produce children. It is a mother

who does it.” She said.

“I do not want details, stop now.” He said.

“Your mother is a girl, not a boy.” She said.

“You are right.” He said.

“There will be no girl-children on this earth if all the

people go on killing girl-children like you.” She said,

Ronaldo was silent. Perhaps he thought about his

follies he has committed.

“Don’t talk nonsense.” Ronaldo shouted all of a

sudden.

“Yes, it’s true. There will not be girls on the earth as

you are eating them voraciously.” She cried loudly.

“You have gone mad.” He said.

“Most of the species get extinctions in the course of

115

time like tigers, sparrows and dinosaur and next one

would be girls.” Rayna said and entered the kitchen

room.

Ronaldo kept himself busy in repairing the old

cycle. He acted as if he is doing something seriously.

However, something was working on his mind.

Perhaps the pointed words of Rayna harmed him

deeply and must have washed off his rusted brain

completely. There was a heap of dust mounted up

on his brain. He thought over something very deeply

showing her annoyance.

Ronaldo washed his hands and entered the kitchen

room. He hugged Rayna from behind and said,

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry, for what?” She said to him.

“I’m indeed sorry for what I said to you in anger.”

He said,

“I should not have said so.”

“I know why you say sorry to me. You said like this

for thousands of times before.” She said.

“But this time, I’m indeed serious.” He said.

“You men read the pulse of woman’s limits.” She

said.

116

“You are parasites; you are sweeter at night and

harsher in the day, only to taste the honey of love.”

“Please, leave me alone and let me work now. Nobody

is going to help me.” She said.

“I know you are hungry.” She said,

“Wait in the hall for a while till I nish my work.”

She said.

Ronaldo left the kitchen room. Rayna simply smiled

at the absurdity of life. She perceived the mentality of

men altogether.

She said to herself,

“The nature of man and woman stand poles apart.

Both of them are born to harass each other. There is

absolute imperfection in their minds and therefore

their unication of bodies is beyond a reach of

comprehension to human minds.”

Rayna nally served him food. Her cheeks were

reddened with deep lines of his slaps on her cheeks.

“Is there any bottle of poison in the kitchen?

Please, pour it in this curry.”Ronaldo shouted at her.

“What’s wrong with you now?” What happened?”

She said.

“I saw your medical report kept in the cupboard and

117

asked a man to read and tell me. It’s a girl-child again

to be born in the future. I thought you just tell me

about the birth of a girl-child to prepare me mentally.”

Ronaldo said,

“When did you go to the doctor without my

permission?” He said.

“Last week, I went to him out of the fear of giving

birth to a girl-child again.” She explained.

“Now I knew why you were giving me a lecture on a

girl-child.” He said.

“Actually I wanted to tell you about it, but didn’t dare

to do so.” She said,

“I’m pleased to know that you have a very good habit

of looking into my matter.”

“Yes, you are my wife.” He said.

That night, the behavior of Ronaldo was abnormal.

Then, he said nothing to me and silently had his

dinner. She was surprised to notice a radical change in

him that he didn’t ing his served plate on the ground

as he usually had to do before. All of a sudden, he

became cool. Even Rayna didn’t dare to say a word

to him that night.

“Good night,” Rayna said to him and entered the

118

bedroom.

“Wait for a while; do not close the door from inside.

I’m coming, so keep it open.”

Ronaldo said.

Rayna got surprised to see many changes in his

behavior. She was very happy to know positive signs

of human transformations in him. She got into her

bed room keeping the door open for him.

After half an hour, Ronaldo opened the door and

entered in. He found her asleep and therefore sat

beside her silently. He wanted to say something to

her, but searching for a few words of expression. He

waited for a while to see her awake, but she didn’t

wake up.

“Are you listening to me, Rayna?” He said.

There was no reply from her except a few echoes in

the room. Ronaldo got her awake from sleep moving

her right hand to him.

“What do you want?” She asked him,

“I’m feeling very sleepy now. I’m tired very much

due all the house hold works. Please, let me sleep and

do not disturb me.”

Then, Ronaldo entered the kitchen room and brought

119

some sugar in his hand. He switched on the light in

the dark room. It was the light of his knowledge and

unusual change in temperament.

“Rayna, you are giving birth to a girl-child. Yes, I am

not killing her at all. I am extremely sorry for killing

girl-children before.”Ronaldo whispered in her ears.

“Am I dreaming? Yes, I must be dreaming.” Rayna

said to herself awaking from her sleep.

Ronaldo repeated what he said before and with that,

she got up immediately and reclined her back to the

pillow.

“What did you say?” Rayna asked him.

“I’m not going to kill the girl-child in your womb.

In fact, I would like to listen to what you say to me.”

Ronaldo said.

She was overwhelmed and hugged him tightly in

her arms, tears rolling down her cheeks. Those were

motherly tears of extreme ecstasy she had had in life

for the rst time.

“Is it Ronaldo, my husband?” She said.

“Yes, it’s me.” He said.

“Give birth to a girl-child. I’m your husband, and

you’ll have to follow my orders.” He said.

120

Both of them laughed with each other. True smile on

his face was a ray of hope for Rayna.

“I want to talk to the baby in your womb.”Ronaldo

said to Rayna.

“Keep your ears on my stomach and listen to her. You

then tell me what she says to us.” She said.

My parents used to tell me that a girl child indeed

spoke to my father at that night. You believe me or

not, but it’s the fact of my life.

The girl child is no other than Rose, your mother.

“Tell me Mummy, what did you say to my grandfather

when you were in the womb?” Riya asked me.

Listen now,

“Baba, I love you very much. I want to see the world.

You should be so cruel upon me and kill me expecting

a boy-child. I can do what a boy can. I cannot get

myself immediately transformed into a male and take

a male birth only for you. You’ll have to believe in

me. Do what my mummy always tells you. I am a

witness to all your tensions, stress and anxiety before

my birth. Let me see you both and the beautiful world

that surrounds me. Even I want to see, whom do I

resemble more - you or my mummy? I know both of

121

you are very protective, loving and caring. You are

not like other parents who do not let girl-children see

the world.

Papa, I feel your presence with the breath of my

mother. But now, I am feeling very sleepy. I need to

sleep not in my mother’s arms, but in the dark womb.

I feel asphyxiated inside and feel like coming out as

early as possible. You call me Rose, when I am born

because I always beg you for my birth. This is your

turn to survive me by a favor. I’m your Rose, a hope

of life. I’m still scared that you will kill me when I’m

asleep in the womb. Please save me. Good night to

you both.”

“Rayna, I heard her voice indeed. God talked to me

through her voice. I have committed a sin of killing

my two daughters brutally. Her birth is a not penance

for me. I will give her birth. I do promise you.”

Ronaldo said.

“The next day your grandmother was hospitalized and

she gave birth to me. Yes, it’s a real story of my life.

Your grandmother told me the story in detail later.

Your grandfather also told me that he heard my voice

122

from my mother’s womb. Today, every girl-child

talks to the world before she is put to birth in this

world through the womb of her mother. The society

changes her mind set-up now. I gave you birth even

you are a girl-child because I make no difference

between a son and a daughter.”

I said to Riya.

“Thank you, Mummy.” Riya said kissing me.

“The entire world should think like you, Mummy.”

“Truly,” I said.

“The birth ratio of male and female is unequal,

Mummy.” Riya said.

“That is correct. The world has to keep the balance of

ratio.” I said.

“Isn’t the stuff enough for you, Riya?” I asked her.

“It’s more than enough. I’ll do the rest.” She said

looking at my eyes full of tears,

“I’m deeply inspired by you, Mummy.”

Riya had a great fascination for drawings and

paintings like her father. From the beginning, Ray

guided her properly and that’s why she could stand

on her legs as a condent woman. Gradually, she got

her name and fame in ne arts she was interested in

123

and became a very famous artist like Ray. We then

decided to let her pursue her career in ne arts. We

loved her very much as she was the only girl we had

in our family.

After many days, I asked Ray,

“Is it a sin being born as a girl-child?”

“Not at all,” he replied.

“Yes, it’s a sin I mean.” I said,

“You know I suffered so much in my life like other

helpless women.”

“You are right, Rose, however, suffering matters to

both male and female beings. Then you’ll have to say

suffering is a sin.”Ray said.

“Today, both male and female are the same along

with their rights.”

But still, a woman suffers more than a man.” I said

to him.

“What do you think?

“After all, it’s our perspective how we look at the

things around us.” He said.

“The birth of Riya is a virtue to us. She is perfectly

all right today by God’s grace and with our efforts.

She is a victor rather than a victim. Her paralysis is

124

no more today.”

“

Surely, Riya is gifted. She resembles you in the art of

drawings and paintings and me in beauty you say so.”

I said.

“Rose, I must say that you suffered a lot in your

life. You are a successful woman. Ronaldo, your ex-

husband who sold you to Mia, a prostitute at the rst

night suffered for his actions.”

Ray said.

“All is possible because of you, Ray.” I said.

“No, it’s you who made all impossible possible. You

have all the guts in you as a strong woman.” Ray said

it and took me in his arms tenderly.

The next day, Riya showed me all her drawings and

paintings. It was indeed outstanding. She pointed out a

painting entitled as “A Red, Red Rose” which inspired

me a lot. The painting showed Rubi struggling to

come out of it. She was holding a candle and stepping

out of a threshold of the door. Her painting brought

tears into my eyes. Then I asked a few questions to

Riya:

“Who is a woman?”

125

“It’s you, mummy.” Riya said.

“Okay, who is the man standing behind the woman?”

I asked her.

“That’s my dad because behind every successful

woman there is a successful man.” Riya replied.

“What re is this on the wall?” I asked her.

“It means that she has been scorched in a re within

four walls connement and is shedding tears of re.

Red color symbolizes her revolution and resolution

to come up with new ideas to change the social and

mental make-up. She is walking through darkness to

light.”

“Good, tell me, what do you mean by this threshold?”

“It’s a barrier to human welfare at large. Man is free

whereas woman is left in a dark room to die. If she

crosses a threshold of her imprisonment, our nation

can progress as she walks along with the man to

eradicate evil from the minds of people who still

make her suffer.”

I indeed liked her painting and asked Ray to send the

painting to Germany. Ray sent her painting in an art

exhibition held in Germany that fetched her the rst

prize.

126

At that night, I dreamt my father, who said,

“Rose, I’m terribly sorry as I could not look after you

well. We used to think the birth of a girl-child was a sin.

However, nothing was like this. Today I can witness

how you succeeded in your life and well-settled with

your family now. You have achieved everything

in your life. I am proud of you, my daughter. My

blessings are always with you. I learnt the lesson that

a girl-child is equal to a boy-child. You have proven

that we should not get scared of things around us. In

fact, we need to be brave to ght against evils resided

within and without to achieve our destination.”

Saying so, my father disappeared in the skies behind

the clouds waving his hands to me.

Even I was mentally and physically exhausted, I

could not sleep that night. I was just looking at a

woman in the paintings hanging on the wall, “A Red,

Red Rose.”

It was 10 o’clock in the morning. I was late to get up

early next day and therefore, I had to do lots of work

at home.

Riya was reading a newspaper.

127

“Riya, someone is knocking at the door. Can’t you

hear the sound?”

Go and see who is there.” I said.

“Mummy, here is a postman.” She said.

She looked very happy after receiving a letter from

the postman.

“Whose letter is it?” I asked Riya.

“Mummy, this is a letter from Germany. It must be

about the result of my painting sent to them.” She

said.

“Open it and read the matter.” I said.

“Mummy, my painting “A Red, Red Rose” fetched

the rst prize.”

“That’s great.” I said,

“When is the prize award ceremony?” It must be in

Gemany I think.”

“No, Mummy. This time luckily, the venue is Pisa,

London.”

“Congratulations to you, Riya.” I said,

“Your Daddy would be pleased to hear this.”

“Yes, Mummy.” Riya said.

“Tell me why the program is organized in London

instead of Germany.” I asked her.

128

“Perhaps most of the winners are from London. I’m

not sure.” She said.

“Mummy, Daddy is calling me. Excuse me.” Riya

said receiving the call.

“Riya, tell me good news.” I said.

“Okay, I will.” She said.

Riya is on the phone.

“Hello, Daddy. I would like to tell you good news.

Guess what it might be.” She said.

“Congratulations to you, Riya. You won the rst prize

for your painting A Red, Red Rose.”

Ray said from the other side.

“How did you know about it as I have just received a

letter from the postman?” She asked him.

“I have also got one.” He said.

“Indeed,” She said.

“Yes, it’s true. I have also received a letter from

Germany where I got the second prize.”He said.

“Did you participate in the competition, Dad?” Riya

asked Ray.

“Yes, because I wanted to compete with you.” He

said.

“Please hold on, Dad. Someone is knocking at the

129

door again.” Riya said.

“Here is one more letter for you. I’m sorry I forgot to

deliver this letter.” The postman said.

“One more letter,” Riya got surprised.

“Who is at the door, Riya?” I said.

“Mummy, it’s a postman.” She said.

“Is there any letter for Ray.” I said.

“Mummy, again this is a letter from Germany. What

will be the matter inside?”

She said.

“Your Daddy must have got the third prize for his

painting, that is, one of my favorite paintings.” I said.

“Daddy said he got the second prize and you said he

got the third prize. I’m confused now.”

Riya said.

“Can I open the letter and see the matter inside,

Mummy?” She said.

“Let Ray open and see. Wait for a while. When is he

coming home tonight?” I said.

“By 7 o’ clock.” She said.

Ray returned home at 7 p.m., all were waiting at the

dining table for dinner. Riya handed him the letter.

“Why did they send me two letters? I have already

130

got one in my ofce address.” Ray said.

Ray opened the letter and read the matter inside.

“Here I got the third prize. Who must have sent my

painting in the competition?”

Ray asked.

“It’s me.” I said.

“Rose, it’s you.” He said.

“Yes, it was a painting showing waves struggling to

make their ways through stones.” I said.

“I knew that they were going to accept two paintings

at a time. However, they have accepted both of them

for the prize.”He said.

“Three prizes belong to our family.” I said.

“Yes, Mummy. You are absolutely right.” Riya said.

“Congratulations to you, Riya, once again.” Ray said

kissing on her forehead.

“Thank you, Daddy. Both of you are my inspiration.”

Everybody was very happy in the family that night.

“On which date is the prize distribution ceremony

going to be held?” Ray said to Riya.

“On 25th December, the Christmas Day at Blue bell

Auditorium, station road, Pisa.”

Riya said.

131

On that day, we reached the place on time. The hall

was over-crowded and beautifully decorated. The

paintings of winners were displayed on the board

at the entrance. First of all, Ray received his two

prizes. Then a painting entitled “A Red, Red Rose”

was enlarged on the big screen. Riya’s name was

announced to receive the prize. They asked a few

questions to Riya after receiving the rst prize.

“It’s indeed wonderful. I appreciate you for this

beautiful painting.” The chair-man said to Riya on

the stage.

“Who is your inspiration?” He said.

“My parents,” She said.

“Who is the woman in the dark room?” He asked her.

“Rose, my mother.” Riya said.

“Is she standing on the threshold at the door?” He

asked her.

“She has already come out of the dark room holding

a candle in her hand.” Riya said.

With this answer, there was a huge round of applause

in the audience.

“Why is she crying now?” He asked her.

“No, those are the tears of happiness.” She said.

132

“Which lesson can we learn from this painting?” He

asked her.

“Woman is power. She is not found in the dark room

today. However, she has become a light to the world.”

I was looking at the woman in the dark room in the

painting who didn’t dare to cross the threshold of the

room. Some invisible powers were pulling her inside

and trying to extinguish the candle held in her hand.

“What are you thinking, Mummy? Riya asked me off

the stage.

I uttered shading drops of tears from my eyes,

A woman is still in the dark room

Let love reign the world.

Let the world be a light to her.

Let women be treated equally with men.

Let there be a light for a woman in darkness!

“To sum up, Resilience is the ability of Rose as a

human being to adjust to adversity in life, keeping

HOPE while living. Time in life overcomes all the

endless chain of miseries by giving inner strength

to face all odds. Overcoming life’s struggles puts a

cute smile on her face forever…”

133

Resilience is a thrilling story about Rose who comes across

unexpected events in her life. Her first husband, Ronaldo,

sells her out to a prostitute-dealer, but she is eventually

freed. She moves on avoiding to have anything to do with

men until the young pilot, Ray, finds her attractive and

starts wooing her. Ill luck strikes a nd Rose finds herself

having to bear excruciating pain again. The novelist uses

Rose’s resilience to portray the strength of a woman. The

story ends on a blissful note.

About the Author

Pramod Ambadasrao Pawar, a poet,

novelist and critic spent his childhood at

Gunjoti (where he was born in 1976). He

teaches English and is the Director of IQAC

at Sant Dyaneshwar Mahavidyalaya,

Soegaon, Dist. Chhatrapati Sambhajinagar,

Maharashtra State, India. He is the Editor-

in-Chief of Epitome: International Journal

of Multidisciplinary Research & Seagull Journals. He is

author of 16 books and has edited 27 books. His theories

like Trans-deconstruction, Trans-interpretations have

been a bone of contention at national and international

conferences. He has been a visiting lecturer at Gulbarga

University, Kalaburagi and Ramanujan College, the

University of Delhi. Pramod Ambadasrao is a winner of

several awards.

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ISBN: 978-9956-454-99-0

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Discover more books at

www.nyaandpartners.com

Cover design :

Nyaa & Partners (UK Ofﬁ ce)

and Ndansi Edward

Resilience (UK) 2024.

Abstract

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