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Analysis
Stepchildren as Eyewitnesses of Domestic
Abuse
Elisa Reiter, Daniel Pollack, and Jeffrey C. Siegel | April 25, 2024
It is not uncommon for people to remarry, to feel grateful for a second
opportunity at true love. Hopefully, family and friends will welcome the
new spouse, but this is not always the case. This can be particularly true
with children who may feel conflicted about their parent’s new partner.
The term stepparent is used to describe a person who is married to a
child’s biological or adoptive parent of a child, while the stepparent has
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no biological connection to the child nor has the stepparent adopted the
child.
According to The Stepfamily Foundation, the U.S. Census Bureau
has found that:
• 1,300 new stepfamilies are forming every day.
• Over 50% of US families are remarried or recoupled.
• The average marriage in America lasts only seven years.
• One out of two marriages end in divorce.
• 66% of those living together or remarried break up, when children are
involved.
• 80% of remarried, or re-coupled, partners with children both have
careers.
• 50% of the 60 million children under the age of 13 are currently living
with one biological parent and that parent’s current partner.
Domestic abuse colors every aspect of family interactions, especially
during the pendency of a divorce case. Decisions regarding child support,
alimony and custody are the ones that immediately come to mind.
According to a survey sponsored by the Office of Juvenile Justice and
Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP), U.S. Department of Justice, “Children’s
Exposure to Intimate Partner Violence and Other Family Violence”, 1 in
15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year; 90% of
them are eyewitnesses to domestic violence incidents.
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From a legal perspective, are there some approaches and strategies to
keep in mind when the alleged perpetrator is the “new parent” and the
eyewitness is their stepchild rather than biological child? Are
stepchildren less credible as witnesses? Are they biased in favor of or
against their own biological parent?
Children and adolescents—among the most vulnerable members of
society—are exposed to domestic and family violence whether those
children are raised in a traditional nuclear family or in a blended family.
Blended families are formed when at least one partner had a previous
union that produced children. Blended families can make for complex
relationships. Nuclear families may develop at a slower pace, allowing
the relationship between the parties to the marriage to develop before
children are introduced.
Perhaps readers have heard a relative opine: “The marriage may have
been a little late, but the baby? The baby is always on time.”
Abuse and trauma may occur in a traditional family. Abuse and trauma
may occur in a blended family. The latter may not have the benefit of
relationships being formed over time. Instead, children from various
prior relationships may be thrust together, and tensions and abuse may
occur.
How will experiencing trauma impact children and adolescents who are
part of blended families as they age?
A child who witnesses violence is “at greater risk to externalize
destructive behaviors such as fighting, bullying, lying, or cheating and to
internalize negative behaviors such as anxiety and depression.” Such a
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child witness, traumatized by what they have witnessed between
relatives, may suffer a variety of symptoms, including “an
inappropriate use of violence as a means of resolving conflicts and show
a greater willingness to use violence themselves,” and may further
suffer physical manifestations of what they have witnessed, including
“allergies, asthma, gastrointestinal problems, bed-wetting or nightmares
and headaches.”
Stepparents may lack unconditional love for their stepchildren. Research
indicates that family structure such as stepfamilies “may pose a greater
risk of violence to children compared with intact families with both
biological parents.”
One judge opined many years ago that life would be easier without
fairytales, or certainly without the words “stepmother” or “stepfather”—
adding if only such an individual could have the benefit of being known
as a favorite aunt or best uncle, that individual’s entrance to the lives of
their new spouse’s offspring or the lives of their significant other’s
children would be substantially easier.
Perspectives to bear in mind when a witness is a stepchild rather than a
biological child include:
• Authority. Stepparents may be perceived as legal guardians by their
spouse, but only if a court has entered an order granting a stepparent
authority to act. See the recent case of In Re C.J.C. The legal rights of a
stepparent depend on the laws of the state in which they reside. A
stepparent’s legal rights significantly increase if the stepparent legally
adopts their spouse’s child(ren).
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• Reach out. Listen to the child and assure them that what they
witnessed is not their fault. Alleviate immediate safety concerns. Validate
fears expressed by children.
• Implement a family violence safety plan. Can the victims leave the
home? Do what you can to provide basics, including formula, diapers,
groceries, clothing and transportation. Identify safe places in the home,
and prepare emergency kits with essentials and important documents
such as drivers’ license, birth certificates and credit cards.
• Encourage a connection with others. The support of an organization
that focuses on counseling for victims of abuse can be essential in
moving a family out of the social isolation that often accompanies abuse.
• Provide resources. Help the stepchild connect with professional
advocates, such as attorneys and faith leaders who can counsel, assist,
and perhaps help provide safe haven.
• Protective orders and restraining orders. Seeking a protective order
and/or restraining order may have a significant impact on the future
relationship of a child and their stepparent. However, such orders may
be used to protect victims of domestic violence.
• Restrict access. If there is proof of domestic violence, a court may
implement or adjust access to and possession of a child by a stepparent.
The court will consider many factors, including evidence of abuse, the
ongoing threat to the child by their alleged abuser and the testimony of
credible witnesses as to whether access to or possession of a child
should be supervised by a neutral third party, restricted or eliminated.
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• Discipline and decision making. Often stepparents have a limited
role in making major decisions that impact a child’s welfare. Should that
remain the case? Stepparents must understand that they do not have
legal rights to their bonus children in the ways that parents do to their
biological children.
• Modification of the existing situation. For instance, New Jersey
courts may grant legal rights to a stepparent if there is sufficient proof
that the child considers them a ‘psychological parent.” See V.C. v. M.J.B.,
where the New Jersey Supreme Court held that:
Third parties who live in familial circumstances with a child and his or
her legal parent may achieve, with the consent of the legal parent, a
psychological parent status vis-a-vis a child, which may not unilaterally
be terminated by the legal parent; the standard to be applied to custody
and visitation issues between the legal parent and a psychological parent
is the best interests of the child.
Each case must satisfy the venue and jurisdictional requirements of the
state in which the case is initiated. Few state statutes enunciate specific
rights for stepparents.
• Is the parent unfit? The parent child relationship is perceived to be
worthy of constitutional protection. Sometimes though, parents choose
their current spouse, lover or companion over their own child. If doing
so puts a stepchild at risk, a court should err on the side of caution and
take appropriate steps to protect the children within the blended family.
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• Vigilance. A stepparent must be vigilant to assure that there are no
signs of physical or psychological abuse between their own biological
children and the stepparent’s bonus children.
• Disciplinarian. Issues of discipline are complicated. The power
dynamic in a blended family can be unique, such that the parent with a
biological connection strives to protect their own child over the needs of
their bonus children.
• Unified Front. The parties to the relationship should address the
needs of “our” children, not “yours” and “mine,” even if they have
different parenting styles.
• Empathy. A stepparent must be sensitive to the fact that their bonus
children have a sense of dislocation from their parents’ prior
relationship.
• Willing suspension of disbelief. Allegations of physical and/or sexual
abuse may be made to attempt to gain advantage in a living situation or
in a legal case. Domestic violence allegations involving a stepchild can
have far reaching consequences. Any outcry by a child needs to be taken
seriously, and validated.
The legal rights of a stepparent are intricately tied to the laws of the state
in which they reside, with significant implications if the stepparent has
adopted their “bonus” children. In cases of family violence, immediate
action to protect children is crucial. Reaching out, listening and
reassuring the child is paramount to dispelling any sense of fault that the
child might harbor. Addressing safety concerns, providing essentials and
preparing for emergencies are vital steps.
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Navigating the complexities of protecting children, and “bonus” children,
requires a thoughtful and proactive approach tailored to each unique
situation.
Elisa Reiter is a senior attorney with Calabrese Budner in Dallas, Texas,
and is board certified in family law and child welfare law by the Texas
Board of Legal Specialization. She has served as an adjunct professor at
SMU and is admitted to practice in New York, Massachusetts and
Washington, D.C.
Daniel Pollack, MSW, JD is a professor at Yeshiva University’s School of
Social Work in New York City. He was also a Commissioner of Game Over:
Commission to Protect Youth Athletes, an independent blue-ribbon
commission created to examine the institutional responses to sexual
grooming and abuse by former USA Gymnastics physician Larry Nassar.
Jeffrey C. Siegel, Ph.D., ABPP is a forensic and clinical psychologist in
Dallas, Texas. He has conducted child custody evaluations for over 40 years
in multiple states and provided court testimony over 300 times. He is board
certified in clinical psychology and family psychology through the
American Board of Professional Psychology and is a fellow of the American
College of Forensic Psychology.
Original link:
https://www.law.com/newyorklawjournal/2024/04/25/stepchildren-as-
eyewitnesses-of-domestic-abuse/