Helping Children Overcome Socio-Emotional and Behavioral Problems Based on the Kids’ Skills Method

Abstract

Developmental, emotional, social and behavioral disorders of children and adolescents are a worldwide problem. Many of them can be avoided by undertaking a therapeutic and personal development intervention aimed at helping children overcome their problems. Children are able to solve some of them on their own, with the participation of adults including relatives. Finding a solution and its effective implementation results in better functioning of children in the social context and in assuming responsibly the roles assigned to them. It is also an investment in the future of children, because the solved difficulties will not be baggage in adulthood. Experience points out to the effectiveness of the Finnish Kids’Skills method in solving children's problems. It consists in learning new skills, the lack of which can be the cause of the children’s malfunction and of behavior that is inconsistent with the expectations of the people around them.

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Revista Românească pentru Educaţie Multidimensională
ISSN: 2066-7329 | e-ISSN: 2067-9270
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2023, Volume 15, Issue 3, pages: 31-43 | https://doi.org/10.18662/rrem/15.3/751
Submitted: March 31st, 2022| Accepted for publication: August 23rd, 2022
Helping Children
Overcome Socio-
Emotional and
Behavioral Problems
Based on the Kids’
Skills Method
Beata ZIĘBA-KOŁODZIEJ 1
Maria OLIINYK 2
1 Lecturer at State University in Tarnobrzeg,
Poland, m.oliynyk@chnu.edu.ua
2 Yurii fedkovich National University of
Chernivtsi, Ukraine,
m.oliynyk@chnu.edu.ua
Abstract: Developmental, emotional, social and behavioral disorders
of children and adolescents are a worldwide problem. Many of them can
be avoided by undertaking a therapeutic and personal development
intervention aimed at helping children overcome their problems.
Children are able to solve some of them on their own, with the
participation of adults including relatives. Finding a solution and its
effective implementation results in better functioning of children in the
social context and in assuming responsibly the roles assigned to them. It
is also an investment in the future of children, because the solved
difficulties will not be baggage in adulthood. Experience points out to
the effectiveness of the Finnish Kids’Skills method in solving children's
problems. It consists in learning new skills, the lack of which can be the
cause of the children’s malfunction and of behavior that is inconsistent
with the expectations of the people around them.
Keywords: emotional, social and behavioral disorders, children and
young people, the Kids' Skills method.
How to cite: Zięba-Kołodziej, B., Oliinyk, M. (2022).
Helping Children Overcome Socio-Emotional and
Behavioral Problems Based on the Kids’ Skills Method.
Revista Românească pentru Educaţie Multidimensională, 15(3), 31-
43. https://doi.org/10.18662/rrem/15.3/751

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Introduction
Problems with emotional disorders in children and adolescents
include several types, including destructive behavior, depressive and anxiety
states, developmental disorders (e.g., autism). The most common behavioral
problems in preschool and school children are tantrums, attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder or disruptive behavior disorders (Ogundele, 2018).
The nuisance of these problems concerns both children and the people
around them. In consequence, it affects the functioning of children and
young people, and thus difficulties in fulfilling social roles and fully using the
potential inherent in children.
As the World Health Organization points out, one in seven children
and adolescents aged from 10 to 19 worldwide experience mental disorders,
accounting for 13% of the global burden of disease in this age group.
Depression, anxiety and behavior disorders are among the main diseases and
disabilities among adolescents (WHO, 2018). The consequences of
adolescent mental health problems, often beginning in childhood, extend to
adulthood, worsen both physical and mental health, and limit the ability to
lead a satisfying adult life.
Emotional and social problems are particularly visible in the group
of premature babies. It is estimated that each year 15 million children (more
than 1 in 10) worldwide are born prematurely, i.e. before the 37th week of
pregnancy (WHO, 2018). As a result of medical advances in neonatal care,
the viability of premature babies has increased significantly. Nevertheless,
the adverse neurodevelopmental consequences of children who are born
alive remain a problem. Extensive evidence indicates that children and
adolescents born before the 32nd week of pregnancy are at high risk for
cognitive and socio-emotional disorders that can persist into adulthood
(Aarnoudse-Moens et al., 2009; Siffredi et al., 2021). During social
development, children acquire skills that enable them to live in society. Their
development is the most important task of upbringing. Socio-emotional
problems are related to the perception and understanding of themselves and
other people. Children with better social skills achieve better learning results
in their first years of school education. Children with limited social skills are
significantly more prone to problems, less able to cope at school and in
various social situations. They are also at risk of emotional and behavioral
development problems (Lilleoja et al., 2019, p. 39).
It is also necessary to add to the causes that trigger or strengthen
mental, emotional and behavioral disorders in children and adolescents,
inappropriate educational interactions of adult caregivers, a poor atmosphere

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and relationships in the family and other family dysfunctions, as well as a
lack or insufficient psychological and specialist support in the living
environment.
The problems of children and young people are not restricted to one
country, continent or region. They are present all over the world and cultural
issues should be taken into account when analyzing the problems. This
approach does not preclude the use of educational, therapeutic and
specialized methods of interaction adopted in one country. Their adaptation,
taking into account the cultural context, can bring positive effects in working
with children and young people from distant countries and cultures.
Unresolved childhood problems do not disappear, but turn into difficulties
in adult life. Big problems are often a consequence of unresolved small
problems. Therefore, in the case of problems manifested by the child,
regardless of their severity, educational and specialized intervention should
be undertaken.
In this article we describe the Finnish Kids'Skills method, which is
applied to overcome children's problems and thus the difficulties
experienced by families in everyday childcare. It is a safe method, and
through its simplicity – quite effective and culturally adaptable. But, similarly
to any other available method, it is not ideal.
Assumptions and history of the Kid's Skills method
Kids'Skills is a solution-focused method
1
that is helpful in learning
different skills and in overcoming a child's emotional and behavioral
problems with the help of people closest to the child. These can be friends,
parents, acquaintances, or other people whom the child trusts and is in good
contact with. The group of people professionally applying this method in
working with children includes educators, guardians, teachers, social
workers, pedagogues, psychologists and therapists. They cooperate in the
implementation of the procedure with the persons indicated by the child.
1
Solution-Focused Approach; Solution Focused Brief Therapy – SFBT) is a method of
working with a client consisting in "searching for solutions to problematic situations (basically
regardless of the nature of the problem itself), without referring to the analysis of the causes of
a given problem, its nature and background. The essence of the Solution-Focused Approach is
to develop the clients’ motivation and change process by strengthening their effective actions
leading towards the expected goals. The Solution-Focused Approach (SFA) is used both in
working with individuals, couples, as well as families and other groups." (Krasiejko, 2009, p.
267). This model of psychological help originated in the USA, and Steva de Shazer and Insoo
Kim Berg are considered to be its authors. The approach is successfully implemented in
schools and in cooperation with parents.

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Due to the fact that the method is easy and safe, it can also be used by
parents. The procedure (method) is a solution to problems that hinder
development, interfere with the daily and social functioning of the child.
Kid's Skills is designed for children aged 3 to 12, but in some
problems it can also be used in a group of teenagers and even adults. This
method can be used to help children with a wide range of emotional and
behavioral problems. It also applies to children with ADHD and autism
spectrum. It also fosters cooperation between teachers and parents, because
it is devoid of grounds for mutual blame and treats parents as relationship
partners whose task is to support the child in learning a new skill.
The source of inspiration for the Kids'Skills method were numerous
psychological ideas. Their authors include Milton H. Erikson, Jay Haley,
Insoo Kim Berg, Steve de Shazer, Michel White and David Epston. The
method uses the assumptions of solution-focused therapy and narrative
therapy (Furman, 2010, p. 16).
The Kids'Skills method was developed in the 90’s of the twentieth
century at the Helsinki Brief Therapy Institute. Its authors are considered to
be Ben Furman and his associates: Tapani Ahola, Sirpa Birn and Tuija
Terävä. Initially, the method was used as a practical tool for working with
problems manifested by preschool children. The set of rules and practical
exercises that the method had originally been, has been verified, modified
and supplemented over the years. In 2003 a book was published in Finland
which contained a detailed description of the 15 steps to learn new skills
(Furman, 2010, p. 15). Training of the "I can do it!" method is available in
many countries, and the register of ambassadors of the method can be found
on www.kidsskills.org.
The method is used to eliminate emotional and behavioral problems
manifested by a child/children. It is applicable to individual and group work,
e.g. to improve the atmosphere in the classroom, to increase motivation to
learn or to improve relations with teachers. Available examples show that
the Kids'Skills method can be used to limit time spent on playing computer
games, improve the mood of the child after the divorce of parents, weaken
laziness and activate children to act, regulate family life, overcome the fear of
spiders, break the habit of swearing, learn to walk calmly, learn punctuality,
control aggression, behave properly in social situations, improve
relationships between siblings, control enuresis and train how to use the
chamber pot as well as many other problems (Furman, 2010). The method
can be used in working with a child in the intellectual norm and with a child
requiring special educational intervention (reduced intellectual norm,
ADHD, autism). It can be applied to the problems of children with self-

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regulation, which is fundamental for child development and learning
(Hautakangas et al., 2021; Zatloukal et al., 2020), in the work of a child with
stuttering (Faściszewska, 2022), in the work with children with special needs
(Lilleoja et al., 2019), with children exhibiting undesirable behavior such as:
refusing to cooperate, ignoring requests from adults, violating discipline at
school, aggressive and provocative behavior (Khymko, 2021).
How should you think about changing a problem into a new skill?
The way adult care-providers and other people from the child's
environment think is important in the search for a solution to the problem
manifested by the child. Typically, adults see children's problems as
symptoms of deeper disorders that need to be treated. However, many of
these problems are a lack of skills that children need to learn. And although
many of them often avoid talking about the problem, they are eager to learn
new solutions, new ways of behaving and acting (Furman, 2009; 2010, p. 14;
2012; 2018).
There are important questions in the process of solving the
children's problems by teaching them new skills: "Why should the child
change? ", "What's going to come of it for the child? ", "What exactly is the
child to learn? ". The question most frequently asked in the search for
solutions to the problem - "why?" - "anchors" adults in the past, tells them
to focus on the causes, and the answers given most often take the
perspective of an adult. An example would be the problem of a child
misbehaving during the lesson described below.
Description of a situation
John, 8 years old. During lessons, he performs tasks faster than other
children, and then walks around the class, disturbs other children,
disrupts the work of others through loud statements about interests
(cars), distracts other children. It also happens that he disrupts
lessons by speaking too long, asking questions not related to its
content. The above had already been discussed with John, but the
situation changed only for a moment. Meetings with parents, during
which the discussions about John's behavior were held, did not help,
either. The child was not diagnosed with retardation.
How do adults see the problem?
Teacher: John is naughty, he is ill-mannered, he misbehaves, because
of him other children cannot learn. Parents are to blame for this
situation, because they have no influence on the child, because they

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do not cooperate, because they are not able to explain to the child
why he goes to school. In short: he misbehaves.
Parents: after all, they talk to Jan, but it is the school that provokes
his behavior of that kind. It is the teachers who are not competent
enough to "reach" the child. At home, John does not disturb others,
he is polite. In short: they know he misbehaves, but not at home.
How does John see the problem?
John: "I'm bored at school."
It can be seen that adults focus on the answer to the question: "Why
is this happening?". John talks about what really causes his behavior, which
is not in line with the expectations of adults. He's simply bored, so he tries
to fill in the rest of the time waiting for the other students to finish the task.
Needs are crucial to understand the circumstances, but, at the same
time, they diverge in the individual people involved in the situation.
Unfortunately, they are often overlooked or unconscious enough to be
spoken. If we find that John does not take into account the needs of the
children, then this will be a statement irrelevant to the solution of the
problem and not entirely true, either. John may understand that he disturbs
others with his behavior, but he has his needs, too. Thus, the reported
improvement in his behaviour is temporary. Understanding the child's needs
is essential to support him in learning a new skill, i.e. to start the process of
change. This change leads to solving the child's problem, and thus to
eliminating difficulties experienced by adults. In this approach, it is not
important what adults want, but how much they can help the child in the
search for a solution and in changing his behavior or emotions.
Needs of the persons involved in this situation
Teacher: he does not want John to disrupt the class; he wants John
to change his behavior; he wants his parents to influence John and
cooperate with him.
Or maybe the teacher wants to be competent and wants to have an
influence on John?
Parents: they don't want to listen to the teachers' accusations; they
do not want to hear that they are bad parents; they want John to
change his behavior.
Or maybe: they want to feel competent and parents and have an
influence on John?
John’s friends: they want to do a good job and get a good grade.
John: I don't want to get bored in class.

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Responding to a problem, adults focus on themselves, their
emotions, expectations and needs. They know what they do not want and
what they want, but they do not know what John wants. They expect him to
conform to their expectations. Both groups of adults want to have an impact
on the child. But are they aware that influencing the child also means helping
the child to change the behavior by learning a new skill?
The solution to the problem should be future-oriented. Therefore,
the following questions should be asked: "What should the child have in
return"? , "What else is the child supposed to do rather than disturb the
class? ". The solution is to teach John a new skill. It is necessary to focus on
what the child should not do, but what new the child can do. John does not
learn "not to disturb in class" and does not learn "how not to be bored"
because it is impossible to learn something that is not there. John should
learn to wait for the completion of tasks by other children. How? There are
many possibilities, and it can be helpful to ask: "What can you do at this
time (when you have finished the task) and other children are still working? "
The case in question may fall within the area of working with a gifted
student, but working with such a student is not always obvious and possible,
especially in class. It is the teacher who is responsible for the organization of
the teaching process in class and it depends on him or her how each student
will work, and how the teacher will share this work. Parents and teachers
want a skill that is impossible to teach: don't disturb. John, on the other
hand, may (want to) acquire a new skill – the proper use of time in class. The
child can learn how to use the time spent at school in an interesting way. In
the above example, this skill may be, for example: helping other students to
complete tasks ("assistant"
2
, the ability to be a helper) or documenting the
team’s life and work in class – in words, by drawing, photography, a short
film ("documentary filmmaker", skill: documenting the life of the class). It is
important to offer the new skill in an attractive way that it is accepted by the
child. When presenting an offer, it is necessary to indicate the benefits that
the child will have from the new skill (the child will have friends, will be the
author of a film, a photo exhibition about the life of the class, will spend
time in an interesting way). It should be remembered that the benefits must
lie with the child, not adults (although the benefits will appear indirectly). It's
not about the teacher feeling good in class or the parents being happy with
John's behavior. These are the benefits of adults. The benefits must not be
distant, they must be "here and now", or in the time cognitively accessible
2
Contrary to appearances, John in the role of a teacher's assistant is not a threat to him or
her, but a person whose logic can be more understandable to children.

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for the child, for example, as in the case of "celebration", which will be
discussed later in the text.
The sense of self-agency and competence of adults will appear when
these feelings are also shared by John (it is he who is to solve his problem
with the help of adults). Working on a problem – a change in behavior –
works best when children themselves indicate the skills they want to learn.
They have their own beliefs about the change and solutions needed, but it is
the child who has to take responsibility for learning skills. It is easier for
them to take it when they are active in their decisions and choices. The
Kids'Skills method allows children to become the authors of the solution to
the problem.
Children's skills and needs are in line with their developmental age,
but also with their views. It is them who know what they need to learn in
order to function better in a group and better cope with tasks and
expectations. Children who do not recognize or poorly recognize the
problems and skills needed should be told how they can make them feel
more satisfied. The aim of the actions of adults should be to encourage
children to look for a solution, i.e. to learn the skills thanks to which
children will overcome the problem and organize their actions. For children
acquiring a new skill must be attractive, pleasant, satisfying, noticed and
rewarded.
Kids' Skills – 15 steps to solve a problem
The Kids'Skills method is a collection of 15 well-ordered, practical
guidelines. It is quite simple and possible to be implemented by specialists
and parents with specialized support. The outline of the procedure is as
follows (Furman, 2010, pp. 21-30):
1. Converting a problem into a skill to learn or determining what skill a
child needs to acquire or develop in order to overcome the
problem. One can apply the brainstorming technique with adults
who care about the change, or the child's independent work on
ideas.
2. Making an agreement with the child about the skill to learn. Children
are usually aware of their weaknesses and willing to improve new
skills. At this stage it can be helpful to ask: "Is there anything
difficult for you, and you would like to learn how to do it
better?" The following statement can be used to provide a
suggestion from an adult: "I would like you to cope better with
...".

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3. Identifying the benefits of a new skill. Children must be convinced
that the new skill will benefit them. This increases their
motivation to gain it. These benefits should be discussed with
children. It is important to indicate what children will get, not
what children will not be (a child will not shout vs the child will
be calmer).
4. Naming a skill. Ask the child to name the skill he or she will be
learning. You can use neologisms, words that are mysterious,
funny and serious, the meaning of which will be understood by
the child and people supporting him or her in the process of
change. The child's independence in the search for a name
makes the child identify with it more closely.
5. Choosing an imaginary supporter. It can be an animal, a man, a being
or a fairy tale hero who will be an assistant in acquiring a new
skill. The idea of a powerful being is something natural for a
child, because at a certain point in their lives, children have their
imaginary friends. They play with them, talk to them and confide
their secrets to them.
6. Building social support. At this stage children choose people that
they can ask for support. They can be close people, friends, a
stranger that the child likes (e.g. a lady from a store). The person
helping to acquire a skill (e.g. the mother) contacts these people
and talks about the plan. In the course of the process leading to
a change, they praise, congratulate on achievements, suggest
ideas, remind, celebrate the acquisition of a new skill with the
child.
7. Building self-confidence. The person coordinating the process of
learning a new skill asks the people indicated by the child to say
why they believe that the child is able to learn this skill. This
reinforces the child's belief that he or she is capable of doing
this. You should also ask the child, "Do you believe you can
learn this skill?" and "What gives you this confidence?"
8. Planning a celebration. Planning a celebration is a pleasant moment
for children. They know that their effort can be rewarded, which
further motivates them. The celebration is not just a reward, but
an important social event, a summary of the child's effort and an
opportunity to tell the child how the change was made, and to
thank for the support. If the child does not want to celebrate
with others, you can alternatively ask what would make the child
happy (e.g. a trip with parents).

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9. Defining a skill. Defining or naming the skill that the child is to
acquire, does not mean that the child knows how to apply it
practically. You should talk to your child about how they will
behave when they already have this skill. Visualization, role-
playing, or a modified question about a miracle in the case of
older children can be useful (from the authors).
10. Going public. Together with the child, it is necessary to decide
how to inform important people in the child's life about a new
project. The information must not contain content about the
problem, but about acquiring a new skill. Revealing is only an
option that the child does not have to agree to. The will of the
child must be respected.
11. Practicing skills. This stage a time to develop a plan for what the
child will do to learn or develop a new skill. A skill must be
practiced or put into practice in order for it to become a habit. If
your child is having trouble finding a way to learn, you should
share your ideas with the child.
12. Creating reminders. In learning new skills, there are situations when
the child forgets about them. This should not be treated as a
step backwards or a return to the problem, but as a natural
situation – forgetting a skill temporarily. The child with adults
decided on how to remind the child of the skill. It can be a
catchword, a gesture known only to those involved in the
process of change.
13. Celebrating success. When a skill is acquired by the child, the plan
of celebration should become a realistic idea. During a meeting,
the child shares impressions and expresses thanks to the
supporters. The manner and content (for what?) of thanks
should be agreed with the child. This is an additional social skill
that the child acquires.
14. Teaching others. Teaching others is an excellent form of
reinforcing and learning new things. A child who has acquired a
new skill is an expert in this field and a reliable teacher. Teaching
others raises a child's self-esteem and reputation among peers.
15. Learning another skill. Success in learning a new skill can
encourage a child to acquire new, often more difficult skills. You
can ask the child if he or she would like to learn another skill or
recommend learning a new skill. Positive experiences strengthen
children’s self-confidence and thus motivate them to change and
to look for new solutions.

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It should be remembered that in order for the Kids'Skills method to
work, it is necessary for adults to know about the protocol (its principles),
their own intrinsic motivation and readiness to help. If a child has failed to
master a skill, consider breaking down the complex skill into simpler
elements, re-explaining the benefits of having it, and making the exercises
for acquiring it more attractive. You should also make sure that the persons
providing support are fully involved in the process of learning skills by the
child.
Conclusion
Adults tend to see children's problems as symptoms of a disorder
that requires treatment, specialized diagnoses and consultations. Children,
on the other hand, perceive them as a lack of certain skills that need to be
learned. They feel "a lack of something", often expressed in statements such
as "I can't", "I don't know how", and in behavior that harms themselves.
Parents perceive the child's problem as a difficulty of the child or a difficult
situation that the child creates. On the other hand, they rarely point to gaps
in self-knowledge and a lack of specific skills, for example in the field of
educational methods. For a child, a lack of a skill means the need to learn it.
For parents and guardians of the child, it means quite often a necessity to
resort to a specialist consultation. The Kids'Skills method helps parents
acquire new competences, so indirectly, they are also its addressees.
Kids'Skills is a method of helping children learn new skills to solve
their own emotional and behavioral problems. The method is possible
thanks to the cooperation of adults and children. Among the positives of the
method one can mention the increase in creativity, a sense of self-agency,
responsibility, self-control of the child, as well as raising the awareness of
adults involved in the action. This awareness concerns the way of working
with children, starting from the children’s perspective of looking at the
problem, and ending with acting together with children according to their
scenarios.

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