Jealousy in Men and Women in Couples Infidelity through Online Media

Abstract

Every human being in this world has a jealous attitude that has been felt by both men and women. In the younger generation which is a generation in the early stages of maturity jealousy often occurs especially for young couples who are in a dating relationship. Jealousy usually occurs due to a partner affair done through online media or the use of the internet as a medium to communicate with third people. This study aims to find out the extent to which differences in jealousy in men and women that are consistently found in real life can also be found in modern life which involves the use of internet technology. The method used in this research is a quantitative research method. This research was conducted in Indonesia by involving young people in it. In taking the research sample, several characteristics of the participants had to be met, including participants aged 20 to 40 years, single, had at least a high school education, and used the internet for at least 7 hours per week. The results showed that there was a significant difference in female participants in jealousy facing emotional and sexual types of infidelity via the internet and vice versa. In addition, the majority of people in Indonesia, especially young people or students in Indonesia, use social media, and jealousy between partners is often expressed on social media, and young people in Indonesia are easily influenced by the times

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Volume 3, Number 1, May 2023
Jealousy in Men and Women in Couples Infidelity through Online
Media
Wayan Karang Yana1, Esti Melinda2
1Doctoral Student of Language, Literacy, and Technology, Washington State University, Pullman United States
2Lecturer of Public Administration Department, University of Bandar Lampung
*Correspondence: Esti Melinda, University of Bandar Lampung.
Email: estimelinda1002@gmail.com
Received: March 30, 2023 Accepted: May 17, 2023 Online Publish: May 17, 2023
Abstract:
Every human being in this world has a jealous attitude that has been felt by both men and women. In
the younger generation which is a generation in the early stages of maturity jealousy often occurs
especially for young couples who are in a dating relationship. Jealousy usually occurs due to a partner
affair done through online media or the use of the internet as a medium to communicate with third
people. This study aims to find out the extent to which differences in jealousy in men and women that
are consistently found in real life can also be found in modern life which involves the use of internet
technology. The method used in this research is a quantitative research method. This research was
conducted in Indonesia by involving young people in it. In taking the research sample, several
characteristics of the participants had to be met, including participants aged 20 to 40 years, single, had
at least a high school education, and used the internet for at least 7 hours per week. The results showed
that there was a significant difference in female participants in jealousy facing emotional and sexual
types of infidelity via the internet and vice versa. In addition, the majority of people in Indonesia,
especially young people or students in Indonesia, use social media, and jealousy between partners is
often expressed on social media, and young people in Indonesia are easily influenced by the times.
Keywords: Man and Women; Jealousy; Couples Infidelity; Emotional; Online Media
1. Introduction
Becoming an adult in the younger generation is an early stage of maturity in one's life. According to James, the
age range of young adults starts from the age of 20 years to the age of 40 years. In the young adult age range, a
person is undergoing the sixth level of psychosocial development (Whitty & Quigley, 2008). The sixth level of
developmental tasks is intimacy versus isolation, which is a major issue in the stages of young adulthood. One
possible way to meet the need for intimacy at a young adult stage is to find a life partner through a romantic
relationship, namely dating. Dating is a process carried out by individuals consciously and deliberately to select
or choose a partner (Groothof et al, 2009).
In a romantic relationship, communication and intense interaction with a partner are needed. Bryan stated that
an individual needs regular and pleasant interactions with a partner in an ongoing relationship. Communication
activities today can be supported by a variety of technologies that have developed rapidly. The presence of this
technology can facilitate humans in carrying out daily activities. These technologies include online media
through the internet. Soesilo describes the internet as a social technology that forms new variations of
interpersonal relationships (Tirto. id, 2023). The internet is an online media that is valued to help humans to be
able to communicate with others without having to be present in person to meet and meet face to face (Groothof
et al, 2009).

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In addition to providing benefits in building a romantic relationship, the internet as an online media also can
potentially be a threat to relationships that have been formed before or that have long formed. The Internet
makes it easy to enjoy committed relationships and infidelity at the same time (Tirto. id, 2023). In a romantic
relationship, commitment is one of the most important elements for two individuals involved in a love
relationship.
A partner's commitment to the relationship may change and vary with time. Individuals may meet with people
they find interesting and considered to be an alternative to the partner they already have. This can then threaten
a relationship because the presence of an alternative partner or other attractive person has long been identified as
one of the main threats to the stability of a love relationship (Vossler & Moller, 2019). Through online media in
the form of the internet, individuals can be able to communicate without space and time limits with others, both
known and unknown. Gabriel stated that individuals can use online media through the internet to be able to meet
strangers, flirt, and engage in a conversation or a sexual activity, through or without a webcam (Dunn & Billet,
2017). These people may be able to attract the attention of individuals so that ultimately the potential for
infidelity.
Differences in jealousy in men and women can occur due to differences in reproductive pressures in dealing
with changes or stages of maturity (Tirto. id, 2023). Lusiana explained that in human ancestors, sexual infidelity
committed by women, even if only once, could jeopardize men's beliefs about their offspring (Whitty &
Quigley, 2008). If the partner is committing a sexual affair, a man may be at risk of raising another man's
genetic child and not his own genetic. In women, a sexual affair committed by a man will not carry this risk
because the child he is carrying is genetically bound to be his offspring. In this way, a woman will raise her
genetic child. If the partner is emotionally involved with other women, then the affair can pose a risk to women
that the resources owned by their partners such as commitment, energy, and investment will be divided by the
presence of a third person.
In the theory of evolutionary psychology, it is said that a man and a woman will be psychologically different in
assessing the signs that can cause jealousy (Dunn & Billet, 2017). Differences between men and women in
jealousy have been proven time and time again by different researchers in studies that view jealousy from a
psychological, physiological, or cross-cultural perspective (Groothof et al, 2009). Soerjono Soekanto, Franklin,
and Angeline consistently have proven that men will feel more depressed with a partner's sexual affair compared
with women, whereas women will feel more depressed with a partner's emotional affair compared with men
(Kelas Cinta, 2023). One form of infidelity that often occurs is infidelity through online media, namely through
the Internet. Heresy and Jersy argued that internet infidelity is a romantic or sexual relationship facilitated by
using the internet which is seen by at least one of the partners as a violation that is considered unacceptable to
the contract of trust in the relationship (Johnson, 2007).
Specifically, this study aims to find out the extent to which differences in jealousy in men and women that are
consistently found in real life can also be found in modern life which involves the use of internet technology.
The difference in jealousy will be measured by looking at the difference in frequency between men and women
who choose emotional or sexual affairs as an affair that can further cause jealousy. So, researchers will find out
about the difference between jealousy in young men and women who are not married in dealing with partner
infidelity through online media or the internet with two types of infidelity, namely emotional affair and sexual
affair.
Researchers also feel the need to conduct this research because the development of technology and information,
one of which is the internet, can increase the likelihood of someone having an affair. Therefore, it can be said
that the internet can indirectly jeopardize the relationship which in turn can cause jealousy of the couple. This
research is considered important to be carried out to find out the effects of forms of infidelity through the
internet on someone's jealousy so that appropriate actions can be taken on victims of a partner infidelity case
through online media, namely the internet and if possible perform actions that can be assessed preventive
against this threat.

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Understanding Infidelity
Infidelity can be interpreted as sexual or emotional activities carried out by one or both individuals who are
bound in a committed relationship and are considered to violate visible or invisible beliefs or norms that can be
related to the exclusivity of an emotional or sexual (Whitty & Quigley, 2008). There are two types of infidelity,
namely emotional affair and sexual affair (Groothof et al, 2009). Sexual infidelity is a sexual activity carried out
with someone other than the partner they have, while an emotional affair is giving love, time, and attention to
someone other than a partner (Dunn & Billet, 2017). Infidelity through internet media, commonly called online
infidelity, can be defined as a romantic or sexual relationship that is facilitated by using online media over the
internet which is seen by at least one partner as an unacceptable violation of a contract of trust in a relationship
(Groothof et al, 2009).
Just like Infidelity that occurs in the real world, Infidelity through online media or the internet has two types,
namely cyberlove, and cybersex. Cyberlove can be considered a type of emotional affair through online media
or the internet, while cybersex is considered a type of sexual affair through internet media (Buss, 2014).
Cyberlove is defined as a romantic relationship that is formed from communication through computer media.
Although in reality couples in cyber love can be physically separated and have a certain level of anonymity,
there is one aspect of cyber love that is as important as romantic relationships that are run offline, which are the
emotions of love that are felt to be as large and equally intense (Buss, 2014).
Grace defines sexual activity through the internet as all activities including sounds, writing, and images that
involve sexuality or stimulation as entertainment, satisfaction, commercial, business endeavors, and others
(Beasley, 2005). Such activities include participating in exchanging ideas about sex, exchanging messages about
sex, and social interaction through online media, namely the Internet with at least one of the perpetrators being
very sexually aroused (Chapman, 2010). Cybersex in its implementation can involve two online users who have
a private discussion about sexual fantasies that are owned and usually can be continued by carrying out a sexual
self-stimulation activity (Buss, 2014).
Freed and Jacob stated that jealousy is a negative reaction from a partner to the emotional or sexual involvement
of a partner with another person, both real and merely imaginary. Jealous experiences and expressions can be
influenced by several factors, including culture, personality, and relationship characteristics (Chapman, 2010).
Jealousy can be said to be a complex emotion because its presence is also marked by the experience of other
emotions. The three feelings that best describe jealousy are hurt, fear, and anger (Guadagno & Sagarin, 2010).
Injured can arise from the perception that our partner cannot value commitment to our relationship, while fear
and anxiety can arise from fear of being ignored until lost. Anger can arise from feelings of number two from
others (Buss, 2014). The same thing stated by Hamka is that jealous experiences will usually be followed by
other emotions. If the individual changes the focus of his attention to other aspects of the situation, besides the
threat of losing something valuable, then this experience will be better if explained with different emotions. In
this case, an individual who feels jealous is an individual who also feels angry, hurt, depressed, and even
disgusted or displeased (Kelas Cinta, 2023).
Jealousy in men and women with the Jealousy as Specific Innate Module (JSIM) model is a different model of
jealousy in men and women that occurs because of differences in the pressures of change (Buss, 2014).
Specifically, the Jealousy as Specific Innate Module (JSIM) is a model that explains that differences in males
and females in jealousy are due to differences in reproduction pressures faced by males and females (Groothof
et al, 2009). Janet explained that in human ancestors, sexual infidelity committed by women, even if only once,
could jeopardize men's beliefs about their offspring. Based on the JSIM model, it is stated that women will feel
more jealous than men in responding to an emotional affair with a partner, whereas men will feel more jealous
than women in responding to a partner's sexual affair (Dunn & Ward, 2019).

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Other alternative theories can explain the difference between men and women in jealousy facing a partner affair,
namely the double-shot hypothesis, or can be called the belief hypothesis (Buss et al, 1992). This hypothesis
states that individuals will become more disappointed with one type of infidelity when they believe that this type
of infidelity is a sign of another type of affair. If someone believes that a sexual affair signifies a more emotional
affair than vice versa, then someone will be more disappointed with a sexual affair than an emotional affair. If
someone believes that what happened is the opposite condition, then that person can be predicted to be more
disappointed in an emotional affair.
In addition, other theories explain the differences between men and women in jealousy is the parental
investment model. The parental investment model is a model based on the sexual selection theory proposed by
Stephen (Dunn & Ward, 2019). The sexual selection process suggests that men and women have their way of
choosing a partner. According to Traves, a man, and woman will experience a different form of loss when they
fail to choose the right partner so both use different criteria in choosing their partner (Buss, 2014).
Joseph and Harry explained that women who seek long-term involvement with their partners will be more
concerned if their partners fall in love with others and do not care if their partners have sexual relations with
others. This is because women need men who are emotionally loyal to be able to provide valuable resources for
the survival of themselves and their offspring. Therefore, when a partner is having an emotional affair then a
woman will be able to experience a very painful loss than when her partner is having an sexual affair because
she will lose valuable resources from her partner to another woman (Dunn & Ward, 2019).
Sujono and Ahmad also explained that men who do care not to provide valuable resources for other male
offspring are more concerned if their partners have sexual relations with others and do not care if their partners
fall in love with others (Tirto. id, 2023). This is because men need sexually loyal women so that they feel
confident that the child they care for and raise is their biological descendant. Therefore, when a partner is having
an sexual affair then a man will experience a very painful loss than when his partner is having an emotional
affair because he will experience uncertainty about his offspring (Kelas Cinta, 2023).
2. Method
The method used in this research is the quantitative research method. This research was conducted in Indonesia
by involving young people in it. In taking the research sample, there are some characteristics of the participants
that must be fulfilled, among them are participants aged 20 to 40 years, not married, having a minimum
education in High School, and using the internet at least 7 hours per week. With internet usage of at least 7
hours/week, individuals are assumed to be able to do other things after doing routine activities such as checking
email and social networking site accounts. Other things done can be in the form of chat, video calls, etc. so that
participants do not have significant difficulties when asked to imagine these things when filling out the
questionnaire. The total number of participants in this study was 168 people. Of the 168 people, 75 are male and
93 are female. This research was tested systematically and measurably using statistical measurement tools.
Researchers processed this research data using the SPSS 15.0 program. The statistical techniques used by the
authors in data analysis are Frequency Distribution and Chi-square Test. A chi-square test is a type of non-
parametric technique that tests hypotheses about the shape of the overall frequency distribution.
In this study, researchers developed a measuring instrument developed by Buss (2014). The measuring
instrument consists of six items and is then called the Infidelity Dilemma. The researcher developed the six
items by translating and moving the context following the objectives of this study. In the original item, the affair
scenario given is a picture of the affair in real life. Therefore, researchers need to move the context into the
affair scenario through internet media by the objectives of this study. In addition to translating and moving the
context of items, the researcher also added 5 additional items to the research measurement tools for cultural
reasons.
The response method used in this measuring instrument is forced and choice response. This method was chosen
because it is one of the important and useful methodological approaches in testing the perspective of

49
evolutionary psychology regarding romantic jealousy (Creswell, 2014). This method is the most commonly used
method to test the JSIM model, where participants are asked to indicate whether the type of sexual affair or
emotional type is more disappointing for them (Buss et al, 1992). Therefore, this forced and choice method can
also be used to find out the differences in preference for the type of infidelity that is more jealous.
3. Results and Discussion
3.1 Results
The total number of participants was 168 people with 93 women or 55.4% and 75 people or 44.6% men. If seen
from the age range, participants with an age range from 20 years to 26 years amounted to 156 people or 92.9%,
Ages 27 years to 33 years amounted to 11 people or 6.5%, and with an age range of 34 years to 40 years
amounted to 1 person or 0.6 %. If viewed from the status of dating the number of participants with dating status
is as many as 87 people or 51.8% and with no dating status 81 people or 48.2%. If it is reviewed from the last
education, participants with the last high school education are 78 people or 46.4%, participants with the last
education Diploma 1 to Diploma 3 are 12 people or 7.1%, participants with the last Bachelor education are 73
people or 43.5%, and participants with the last Master's education were 5 people or 3%.
There are four main results from this study. The first is that there are significant differences in female
participants in jealousy-facing emotional and sexual types of affairs via the internet (□ 2 (1, n = 93) = 57,301, p
<0.05) where female participants will feel more jealous in dealing with emotional than sexual affairs. The
second is that there are significant differences in male participants in jealousy facing emotional and sexual types
of infidelity via the internet (□ 2 (1, n = 75) = 16,333, p <0.05) where male participants will feel more jealous in
dealing with emotional rather than sexual infidelity. The third is that there are significant differences in men and
women in jealousy facing the type of emotional affair via the internet (□ 2 (1, n = 138) = 5,681, p <0.05) where
women will feel more jealous than men if their partners make an emotional affair. The fourth is there is no
significant difference in men and women in jealousy facing the type of sexual affair via the internet (□ 2 (1, n =
30) = 3,333, p <0.05) where both women and men will feel the same jealousy if their partner is having a sexual
affair.
3.2 Discussion
The results of this study indicate that there are significant differences in female participants in jealousy facing
emotional and sexual types of affairs through the internet where female participants will feel more jealous in
dealing with emotional affairs than sexual. The results of this study are based on a review of the results of
research conducted by Buss, Larsen, Westen, and Semmelroth who suggest that women will feel more
depressed when their partners commit emotional affairs rather than sexual.
The tendency of women to feel more jealous of emotional affairs when compared to sexual affairs has also been
stated by Buss, Larsen, Westen, and Semmelroth (1992) in the JSIM theory model. Specifically, Buss states that
if their partners commit sexual affairs, then women do not have the risk to invest in children who are not their
offspring because the child they are carrying must be their offspring. However, if their partners are emotionally
involved with other women, then the affair can pose a risk to women that the resources owned by their partners
such as energy, commitment, and investment will be divided by the presence of a third person. Given these
reasons, women will feel more jealous if their partners have an emotional affair than a sexual one.
Men and women are not different in caring about an affair, but they are different in thinking about the possible
consequences of the affair (Pew Research Center Internet & Technology, 2023). Women's jealousy that leads to
emotional infidelity can also be explained by the theory of the parental investment model which states that
women are more concerned with financial factors and emotional loyalty to their partners, so when their partners
commit emotional affairs then women will experience greater losses than when their partners do sexual
infidelity because he will lose valuable resources from his partner to other women.
No different from what was found in women, researchers found that there were significant differences in male
participants in jealousy facing the type of emotional and sexual affair through the internet where male

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participants would feel more jealous in dealing with emotional affairs than sexual. Dijkstra, Barelds, and
Groothof who consistently prove that men will feel more depressed by the existence of a partner's sexual affair
than a woman (Dijkstra et al, 2013).
Based on aspects of culture and living habits of people in Indonesia, especially young people or students in
Indonesia, the majority use social media, and jealousy between spouses is often expressed on social media.
Apart from that, young generations in Indonesia are easily influenced by the more recent developments, so
conflicts often occur between young couples on social media.
Research conducted by Whitty and Quigley found that some online activities, such as online sexual activities,
were considered more significant as cheating behavior than some offline activities, such as exchanging personal
information (Whitty & Quigley, 2008). However, the appearance of individual jealousy in these activities will
be based on certain reproductive pressures as stated by Buss, Larsen, Westen, and Semmelroth (1992). The risk
of offspring uncertainties in men does not occur in sexual affair couples in the real world are not found in
partner infidelity through the internet media, then the possibility of greater pressure will be felt when their
partners make an emotional affair through the internet media. Although in reality the couple in cyber love can be
physically separated and have a certain level of anonymity, there is one thing in cyber love that is as important
as a romantic relationship that is run offline ie the emotions of love that are felt can be as great and equally
intense (Dijkstra et al, 2013). This is what then allows men to feel more jealous of the emotional affair of a
partner than the sexual affair of a partner through the internet media.
Another result of this study is that there are significant differences between men and women in dealing with the
type of emotional affair through the Internet where women will feel more jealous than men if their partners
commit emotional affairs through the internet media. This finding is following the JSIM model proposed that
women will feel more jealous than men in responding to the emotional affair of a partner (Buss et al, 1992).
In this study, researchers also found that there were no significant differences in men and women in dealing with
types of sexual affairs via the internet where women and men would both feel jealous of their partner's sexual
infidelity via the Internet. This is different from what was stated by Buss, namely that men will feel more
jealous than women in responding to a partner's sexual affair (Buss, 2014). The results of this study are also
different from the results of Whitty and Quigley's research (2008) which proves that men will feel more
pressured by the existence of a sexual affair between a partner than a woman.
4. Conclusion
In this study it can be concluded that (1) there are significant differences in female participants in jealousy
facing emotional and sexual types of infidelity through the internet where female participants will feel more
jealous in dealing with emotional than a sexual affair, (2) there are significant differences in male participants
Men in jealousy face types of emotional and sexual affair via the internet where male participants will feel more
jealous in dealing with emotional than a sexual affair, (3) there are significant differences in men and women in
jealousy facing emotional types of affair via the internet where women will be more jealous than men if their
partners have an emotional affair, (4) there is no significant difference in men and women in jealousy facing the
type of sexual affair through the internet where women are ladies and gentlemen will both feel jealous if their
partners commit sexual affair.
Acknowledgments
Thank you very much to the University of Bandar Lampung for assisting the author in providing the required
data and providing support in completing this research. In addition, I would also like to thank all Indonesian
people, especially the younger generation have helped and contributed to this research so that this research can
be completed promptly and as expected.
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