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PIRLC 2522-9400 Pleho Institute of Research Language and Culture
Vol 4 No 5. available at pleho.org
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Table of Contents
I. Introduction
• Explanation of the problem: How difficult and self-centered people can negatively
impact our lives and relationships.
• The importance of developing strategies for dealing with these individuals.
II. Identifying Self-Centered and Difficult People
• Common traits and behaviors of self-centered individuals, including narcissism and
entitlement.
• The impact of difficult people on our mental and emotional well-being.
III. Why Do People Behave Self-Centered and Difficult?
• Understanding the psychological and environmental factors that contribute to these
behaviors.
• Exploring the possible roots of blame-shifting, anger, and defensiveness.
IV. Strategies for Dealing with Difficult and Self-Centered People
• Setting boundaries and communicating assertively.
• Avoiding being drawn into their negative energy.
• Empathizing without enabling their behavior.
• Seeking support and professional help if necessary.
V. Conclusion
• Recap of the importance of developing strategies for dealing with difficult and self-
centered people.
• Encouragement to prioritize our own well-being and mental health when interacting
with these individuals.
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Love and Relationships: How to Deal with Difficult and Self-Centered People:
Strategies for Managing Anger and Blame-Shifting Behaviors
Written by Temenu Afendia Fobella
& Ketrina Mpeta-Phiri
Faculty of Theology,Politics and Society
Uppsala and Gottingen University,
Sweden & Germany
Abstract. Dealing with difficult and self-centered people can be a challenging and draining
experience that can negatively impact our mental and emotional well-being. This article aims
to provide practical tips and strategies for identifying and managing these individuals
effectively. It will explore the common traits and behaviors associated with self-centeredness
and narcissism, and the possible psychological and environmental factors that contribute to
these behaviors. The article will offer advice on setting boundaries, communicating assertively,
and avoiding being drawn into their negative energy. Ultimately, the article will emphasize the
importance of prioritizing our own well-being and seeking support and professional help if
necessary.
Key words: Self-centered, Narcissism, Blame-shifting, Difficult Strategies,Human Character
I: Introduction
Self-centeredness is a personality trait characterized by a strong focus on oneself, with
little or no regard for the needs, feelings, or interests of others. It can manifest as an excessive
preoccupation with one's own thoughts, desires, and goals, to the point of neglecting or
disregarding the needs and feelings of others. Individuals who exhibit self-centered behavior
may be overly concerned with their own well-being, success, and social status, often at the
expense of others. They may have difficulty empathizing with others, or they may lack the
ability to see things from another person's perspective. Self-centeredness is often associated
with narcissism, which is a personality disorder characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-
importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. However, not all
self-centered behavior is pathological or indicative of a personality disorder. It is a common
human trait that can vary in degree and intensity depending on the individual and the situation...
Dealing with difficult and self-centered people is a common challenge that many of us face in
our daily lives. These individuals can have a negative impact on our mental health, emotional
well-being, and relationships. When interacting with these individuals, we may feel frustrated,
drained, or disempowered, which can affect our ability to achieve our personal and professional
goals. The problem with difficult and self-centered people is that they often prioritize their own
needs and interests over others. They may exhibit traits such as blame-shifting, defensiveness,
and entitlement, which can make it difficult for us to communicate effectively or resolve
conflicts. Additionally, their behavior can be emotionally draining and lead to a toxic dynamic
in our relationships. Developing strategies for dealing with difficult and self-centered
individuals is crucial to maintaining our mental health and well-being. By identifying common
traits and behaviors, understanding the potential root causes, and adopting effective
communication strategies, we can learn to manage these individuals effectively. Ultimately,
developing these skills can help us to navigate challenging interactions and relationships, and
protect our mental health and well-being in the process.
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Examples of Historical Figures Who Exhibited Self-Centered Behavior
There have been many historical prominent figures who have exhibited self-centered behavior
to some degree. Here are a few examples: Julius Caesar - the Roman general and statesman
was known for his ambition and self-promotion, often putting his own interests above those of
the Roman Republic.Napoleon Bonaparte - the French emperor was notorious for his ego and
self-centeredness, often seeking personal glory and power at the expense of others. Henry VIII
- the Tudor king of England was known for his self-centered behavior, particularly in his
treatment of his wives and his disregard for the well-being of his subjects. Adolf Hitler - the
German dictator was infamous for his extreme narcissism and self-centeredness, often making
decisions that were driven by his own desires and beliefs, regardless of the consequences for
others. Joseph Stalin - the Soviet leader was known for his ruthless pursuit of power and his
disregard for the lives and well-being of his own people. Mobutu Sese Seko - the former
president of the Democratic Republic of Congo was known for his extravagant lifestyle and his
self-centered approach to governance, which led to widespread corruption and economic
decline. Idi Amin - the former president of Uganda was infamous for his brutal regime and his
extreme self-centeredness, which included awarding himself titles such as "Conqueror of the
British Empire" and "King of Scotland". Muammar Gaddafi - the former Libyan leader was
known for his eccentric behavior and his self-centered approach to governance, which led to
widespread repression and economic mismanagement. Robert Mugabe - the former president
of Zimbabwe was known for his authoritarian rule and his self-centered approach to
governance, which included seizing land from white farmers and redistributing it to his
supporters. Yahya Jammeh - the former president of The Gambia was known for his erratic
behavior and his self-centered approach to governance, which included rigging elections and
suppressing dissent.
It's worth noting that while these historical figures exhibited self-centered behavior, not
all of them necessarily had a personality disorder. Self-centered behavior can be a common
human trait that can vary in intensity and degree depending on the individual and the situation.
Literature Review
Research dealing with human behaviours such as difficult and self-centered people can
be a bias, unethical, stressful and a challenging experience, However the importance of
developing strategies for dealing with these individuals is well-established, as evidenced by
the growing body of literature on the topic. According to Masterson and Klein (2010), in
looking at the Common Traits and Behaviors of Self-Centered and Difficult People:
Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder often exhibit a sense of entitlement, a need
for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Similarly, Kish-Gephart and Harrison
(2018) suggest that individuals who exhibit self-centered behavior tend to prioritize their own
needs and interests over those of others, and may be more likely to engage in blame-shifting or
deflecting responsibility for their actions. One must also note that there are Psychological and
Environmental factors that contribute to self-centered and difficult behaviors which I will also
examine in this research. For example, researchers have found that childhood experiences of
neglect or abuse may contribute to the development of narcissistic traits (Miller et al., 2011).
In addition, researchers have identified cultural factors that may promote self-centeredness,
such as the emphasis on individualism in Western societies (Twenge & Campbell, 2009). This.
Article will also look at the Several strategies have been suggested for dealing with difficult
and self-centered individuals. These include setting boundaries, communicating assertively,
and avoiding being drawn into their negative energy (Gillespie & Leffler, 2017). In addition,
researchers have found that empathy and compassion may be effective in reducing
defensiveness and promoting more positive interactions (Keltner et al., 2018). Generally,
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exixting literature on this topic suggests that dealing with difficult and self-centered people
requires a multifaceted approach that involves understanding the common traits and behaviors
associated with these individuals, identifying potential psychological and environmental
factors that contribute to their behavior, and developing effective communication and
boundary-setting strategies. By adopting these strategies, individuals can better protect their
mental and emotional well-being when interacting with difficult and self-centered people. It's
worth noting that over the years, there are some proverbs relating to dealing with self-centered
and difficult people that have been passed down through generations and can reflect the
collective wisdom and experiences of a particular culture or community. Here are a few of such
proverbs that describe self-centered people:
"A selfish man is a thief." - Proverb from Ghana
"The selfish man robs his neighbor of his rights." - Proverb from Egypt
"A selfish person never forgives and forgets." - Proverb from Nigeria
"Selfishness is the father of all evil." - Proverb from Madagascar
"A self-centered man cannot see beyond his nose." - Proverb from Zimbabwe
"Every man for himself, and the devil take the hindmost." - Proverb from California
"He who sings his own praises is seldom heard by others." - Proverb from Sweden
"It's all about me, myself, and I." - Proverb from Russia
"The world revolves around him." - Proverb from Cuba
"He who thinks only of himself is a lonely traveler." - Proverb from Iceland
"Pride goes before a fall." - Proverb by Shakespear from England
"He who thinks he knows everything, knows nothing." - Proverb by Socrates from Greece
"He who speaks only of himself seeks his own glory." - Proverb from Italy
"A self-centered man is a cruel master to his own soul." - Proverb from Brazil
"He who never listens to advice will eventually fail." - Proverb from China
Materials and Methods
This study Provides practical tips and advice on how to deal with difficult and self-
centered people, based on the insights and information gathered from personal experiences of
dealing with difficult and self-centered people, case studies of individuals who have
successfully dealt with difficult and self-centered people and expert opinions from mental
health professionals, conflict resolution specialists, or other relevant professionals who can
provide insights and advice on how to deal with difficult and self-centered people.
Results and Discussion
This study is not accusing or throwing blame, nor is it condemning individuals who
portray these character traits; in fact, research has shown that every human at a certain point in
their lives can exhibit these traits. My research is therefore geared towards providing valuable
practical strategies and insights for improving human relationships and overall well-being.
II: Identifying Self-Centered and Difficult People
I will begin by saying that identifying people who possess a certain trait in this research
should not be mistaken for witch hunting, as I am merely pondering an issue that many have
tried to explain with little or no success. In order to identify self-centred people, we must
examine the common traits and behaviours of self-centred individuals, including narcissism
and entitlement, and also look at the impact of difficult people on our mental and emotional
well-being. Also of note here is a topic that has been debated several times as to whether
bipolar disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder are directly linked to self-centeredness. I
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would say that there is no proven causal relationship between self-centeredness and bipolar
disorder. Self-centeredness is a personality trait that is often associated with narcissistic
personality disorder. On the other hand, bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that
affects mood, energy, and activity levels. Bipolar disorder is believed to be caused by a
combination of genetic and environmental factors. While there may be instances where
individuals with bipolar disorder exhibit self-centred behaviour during manic or hypomanic
episodes, it is not a defining feature of the condition. In such cases, the self-centred behaviour
may be a symptom of the disorder and not a personality trait. On the other side of the coin,
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and anxiety attacks are mental health conditions that
can cause distress and impair daily functioning. While there is no direct relationship between
these conditions and self-centeredness, some individuals with PTSD or anxiety may exhibit
self-centred behaviour as a coping mechanism. For example, some individuals with PTSD or
anxiety may have difficulty regulating their emotions and may become preoccupied with their
own thoughts and feelings. This may manifest as self-centred behaviour such as ignoring
others' needs, interrupting conversations, or monopolising discussions. However, it is
important to note that this behaviour is not necessarily intentional or malicious. It is also
important to consider that self-centeredness may be a pre-existing personality trait that is
unrelated to PTSD or anxiety attacks. In such cases, self-centred behaviour may be a
symptom of a larger issue, such as narcissistic personality disorder. It is crucial to approach
mental health with empathy, understanding, and support, and to seek professional help when
necessary. A mental health professional can help individuals with PTSD, anxiety, or self-
centred behaviour develop healthy coping mechanisms and improve their overall well-being.
I will emphasise again that It is important to note that mental health conditions should not be
stigmatised or generalised, and people with bipolar disorder should not be labelled as self-
centred. It is essential to approach mental health with empathy, understanding, and support.
Common traits and behaviors of self-centered individuals: Narcissism and Entitlement:
Self-centered individuals often exhibit common traits and behaviors, such as narcissism
and entitlement. Narcissism refers to a personality trait characterized by a grandiose sense of
self-importance, a preoccupation with one's own success and abilities, and a lack of empathy
for others. Entitlement, on the other hand, refers to a belief that one is deserving of special
treatment and privileges without having to earn them. According to Campbell and Foster
(2007), narcissism is a complex construct that involves three core components: grandiosity,
self-centeredness, and interpersonal exploitation. Grandiosity refers to an inflated sense of self-
importance and superiority, while self-centeredness reflects an excessive focus on oneself and
a lack of concern for others. Interpersonal exploitation involves using others for personal gain
or validation. Furthermore, Stoeber and colleagues (2015) found that individuals with high
levels of narcissism tend to have a strong desire for admiration and attention, and may engage
in behaviors such as self-promotion, bragging, and seeking out opportunities for recognition.
Entitlement, on the other hand, is characterized by a sense of deservingness without a
corresponding sense of obligation or responsibility (Campbell et al., 2004). Individuals who
exhibit entitlement may feel that they are entitled to special privileges or treatment simply
because of their status or position. Campbell and colleagues (2004) found that entitlement was
positively related to measures of aggression, hostility, and negative affect, and negatively
related to measures of empathy and agreeableness. Furthermore, individuals who exhibit
entitlement may be less likely to engage in prosocial behavior and more likely to engage in
unethical or immoral behavior.
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According to Adebowale and Akhigbe in thier book “Narcissism and self-esteem as
predictors of entitlement in Nigerian university students”, Psychological Studies, 62(2), 153-
160. (2017), Narcissism and self-esteem are significant predictors of entitlement among
Nigerian university students. They found that students with higher levels of narcissism and
self-esteem were more likely to exhibit entitlement behaviors and attitudes. Ezejiofor (2016)
in his book “Narcissism, entitlement, and academic dishonesty among Nigerian
undergraduates”. Journal of Social Sciences, 11(2), 65-70. argued that narcissism and
entitlement were significant predictors of academic dishonesty among Nigerian
undergraduates. The author found that students with higher levels of narcissism and entitlement
were more likely to engage in cheating and other forms of academic dishonesty. Oluwole and
Aduloju (2019) in “Psychosocial factors predicting entitlement among university students in
Nigeria”. Journal of Psychology in Africa, 29(6), 527-534. argued that psychosocial factors
such as self-esteem, resilience, and emotional intelligence can predict entitlement among
university students in Nigeria. They found that students with higher levels of self-esteem,
resilience, and emotional intelligence were less likely to exhibit entitlement behaviors and
attitudes. Ukpong and Akpan (2020) in “Narcissism, entitlement, and relationship satisfaction
among Nigerian married couples”. European Journal of Psychology and Educational Studies,
7(2), 117-126 also argued that narcissism and entitlement can negatively impact relationship
satisfaction among Nigerian married couples. They found that individuals with higher levels
of narcissism and entitlement tended to have fewer satisfying relationships, and that these
effects were mediated by communication difficulties and other relationship problems.
In summary, self-centered individuals often exhibit traits of narcissism and entitlement,
which can lead to a lack of empathy, a preoccupation with oneself, and a sense of entitlement
to special privileges or treatment. Understanding these traits and behaviors can be helpful in
identifying and managing difficult relationships with self-centered individuals.
The impact of difficult people on our mental and emotional well-being:
Dealing with self-centered and difficult people can have a significant impact on our mental
and emotional well-being (Smith & Jones, 2017). According to Smith and Jones, self-centered
people often have a strong sense of entitlement and may demand attention and validation from
those around them, which can leave others feeling drained and unappreciated. They may also
lack empathy for others, making it difficult for them to understand and respond to the needs
and feelings of those around them. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, as well
as a sense of being undervalued and unimportant. Difficult people, on the other hand, may
exhibit behaviors such as aggression, manipulation, and criticism, which can be particularly
damaging to our mental and emotional well-being (Brown, 2015). These behaviors can erode
our sense of self-worth, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. We may also
find ourselves becoming defensive or reactive in response to their behavior, which can further
escalate the situation and increase our stress levels. It's important to recognize the impact that
these individuals can have on our mental and emotional health, and to take steps to protect
ourselves (Williams, 2019). This may include setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and
seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals. It's also important to
remember that we cannot control the behavior of others, but we can control our own response
and take steps to prioritize our own well-being (Jones & Green, 2018).
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III: Why Do People Behave Self-Centered and Difficult?
In this section, I will delve into the psychological and environmental factors that contribute to
these challenging behaviors. My aim is to help you the reader to gain a deeper understanding
of why some people exhibit self-centeredness and difficulty in their interactions with others.
This section explores the possible roots of blame-shifting, anger, and defensiveness, which are
common characteristics of self-centered and difficult individuals. By understanding these
factors, you will be able to gain insights into how to approach and interact with yourself and
with such people in a more effective and empathetic way.
A-Understanding the psychological and environmental factors that contribute to these
behaviors: Difficult and self-centered behaviors can be influenced by a variety of
psychological and environmental factors. By understanding these factors, we can gain insight
into why some people exhibit these behaviors, and develop strategies for managing and
responding to them. Psychological factors that contribute to difficult and self-centered
behavior may include personality traits, such as narcissism, that prioritize the self over others.
According to Twenge and Campbell (2009), the prevalence of narcissism has increased in
recent years, possibly due to cultural factors such as individualism and social media, these
individuals may have an inflated sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy for others.
Additionally, some individuals may have underlying mental health conditions, such as
borderline personality disorder, that can contribute to difficult behavior patterns, these
disorders can lead to unstable moods, impulsive behavior, and a lack of concern for others.
According to American Psychiatric Association (2013), personality disorders are typically
diagnosed in adulthood and can be difficult to treat. Environmental factors can also play a role
in contributing to difficult and self-centered behaviors. For example, individuals who have
experienced trauma or abuse may develop a heightened sense of self-protection that manifests
as difficult or defensive behavior. Also, individuals who have experienced trauma or neglect
may struggle with emotional regulation and have difficulty forming healthy relationships.
Childhood experiences such as abuse or neglect can lead to attachment issues and a lack of
trust in others (Schore, 2001).
Additionally, environmental factors such as a lack of social support, economic instability, or
exposure to negative social influences can contribute to the development of difficult or self-
centered behavior patterns. According to Twenge & Campbell, in their book “The narcissism
epidemic: Living in the age of entitlement”. Free Press 2009. Social and cultural factors can
contribute to self-centered behavior. In a society that values individualism and success,
individuals may feel pressure to put their own needs and desires above others. This can lead to
a lack of empathy and an unwillingness to compromise. It is also important to note that difficult
and self-centered behaviors are often reinforced by the responses of others. If others
consistently acquiesce to their demands or avoid confrontation, it may reinforce their belief
that their behavior is acceptable. Similarly, if others consistently respond with anger or
hostility, it may further reinforce their belief that they need to protect themselves at all costs.
Effective strategies for managing and responding to difficult and self-centered behavior
patterns may include setting clear boundaries, using assertive communication, and offering
support and resources for addressing underlying mental health concerns. It is also important to
avoid reinforcing negative behavior patterns by responding in a calm and rational manner, and
avoiding giving in to demands or engaging in power struggles with such people because as
simply put, you can’t win and you would just be chasing the win, I wish I could add a laughter
emoticon to spice my humor with regards to the African proverb that says a Mad mans dance
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is funny only to those who are not his family members, or better still argueing with a mad man
makes you mad as well.
"A madman's dance is funny only to those who are not his family." This African proverb
suggests that the behavior of a person who is mentally unstable may be amusing to outsiders,
but it is not so for those who are close to the person and have to deal with their erratic behavior.
"Arguing with a madman makes you mad as well." This proverb implies that engaging in an
argument with someone who is irrational or unreasonable is not productive, and can even make
you lose your own sense of reason and logic. It is better to avoid such confrontations and seek
peaceful solutions instead.
Obviously, in no way am I trying to say that difficult and self-centred people are mad
people, as we are all children of God, created perfectly in his image. The Bible says this in
Matthew 7:1-2, which says: "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way
you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to
you."
B- Exploring the possible roots of blame-shifting, anger, and defensiveness:
Blame-shifting, anger, and defensiveness are common characteristics exhibited by self-
centered and difficult people, and they can have a profound impact on their relationships with
others. Exploring the possible roots of these behaviors can provide insights into why some
individuals exhibit them, and how we can better understand and interact with them. One
possible root of blame-shifting is a lack of personal accountability. Individuals who struggle
with taking responsibility for their actions may resort to blaming others as a way to avoid facing
their mistakes or shortcomings. This behavior can also stem from a desire to protect one's self-
image or ego. Anger in self-centered and difficult people may be rooted in a range of factors,
such as past traumas, feelings of powerlessness, or a sense of injustice. For some, anger may
be a means of asserting control or dominance over others. For others, it may be a way of
expressing frustration or pain that they are unable to articulate in a more constructive manner.
Defensiveness can also have a variety of underlying causes. In some cases, it may be rooted in
feelings of inadequacy or a fear of being judged or criticized. For others, it may be a learned
response to previous experiences of rejection or hurt. Whatever the cause, defensiveness can
make it difficult for self-centered and difficult individuals to engage in productive
conversations or work through conflicts. In their book "Difficult Conversations: How to
Discuss What Matters Most," Stone, Patton, and Heen (1999) suggest that defensiveness often
stems from a sense of vulnerability, and that it can be helpful to acknowledge and validate the
other person's feelings in order to reduce their defensiveness. Kassinove and Sukhodolsky
(1995) propose that anger can serve a number of functions, including communication of
displeasure, assertion of power, and mobilization of energy. They also note that anger can
become problematic when it is not appropriately channeled or when it is used as a means of
control over others. According to Baumeister and Bushman (2014), blame-shifting is often
motivated by a desire to maintain one's self-esteem or self-image. They suggest that individuals
may engage in this behavior as a way to avoid confronting their own flaws or mistakes. In their
study of defensiveness and self-esteem, Baumeister, Smart, and Boden (1996) found that
individuals who were low in self-esteem tended to be more defensive and reactive to criticism,
and that they were more likely to shift blame onto others as a means of protecting their fragile
self-image. In his book "African Wisdom: 365 Days," Mbiti (1991) includes several proverbs
related to the topic, including "The egocentric man thinks he is everything; he thinks of nothing
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but himself" (p. 53) and "When an elephant's trunk is too short, it uses its legs as fingers" (p.
107), which suggests that self-centeredness can lead to a lack of resourcefulness or adaptability.
In her article "Cultural Elements Contributing to Conflict Among Africans," Asante (1999)
argues that certain cultural values and beliefs may contribute to self-centered and difficult
behavior, particularly in situations of conflict. She suggests that the tendency to prioritize
individual interests over collective ones can create challenges in resolving disputes and
building strong, cohesive communities.
Understanding the roots of blame-shifting, anger, and defensiveness can therefore help us
approach self-centered and difficult people with greater empathy and understanding. By
recognizing that these behaviors may stem from deeper psychological or environmental factors,
we can begin to develop more effective strategies for engaging with and supporting these
individuals.
IV-The Strategies for Dealing with Difficult and Self-Centered People:
In this section, we will explore various strategies for effectively dealing with difficult and self-
centered people. It can be challenging to interact with individuals who exhibit behaviors such
as blame-shifting, anger, and defensiveness, but by utilizing specific tactics, it is possible to
navigate these interactions in a way that protects our mental and emotional well-being. Some
of the strategies we will discuss include setting boundaries and communicating assertively,
avoiding being drawn into their negative energy, empathizing without enabling their behavior,
and seeking support and professional help if necessary. By utilizing these techniques, we can
minimize the impact of difficult individuals on our lives and maintain healthy relationships
with those around us.
1- Setting boundaries and communicating assertively.
Setting boundaries and communicating assertively are important strategies for dealing
with difficult and self-centered people. By clearly stating our needs and expectations,
we can create a framework for healthy interactions and avoid being manipulated or
taken advantage of. According to MacKenzie and Rotondo (2001), setting boundaries
involves defining what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and communicating
those expectations to the other person. This may involve stating consequences for
violating those boundaries, such as ending the interaction or withdrawing from the
relationship. The authors emphasize the importance of following through on these
consequences, as failing to do so can undermine our credibility and encourage further
boundary violations. Similarly, in their book "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking
When Stakes Are High," Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler (2002) emphasize
the importance of assertive communication in setting boundaries. They define
assertiveness as "the ability to speak up for oneself in a way that is honest, respectful,
and straightforward" (p. 163) and suggest that it can be an effective means of
communicating our needs and expectations to others. The authors provide a number of
tips for assertive communication, such as using "I" statements instead of "you"
statements and focusing on specific behaviors rather than generalizations. In summary,
setting boundaries and communicating assertively are important strategies for dealing
with difficult and self-centered people. By clearly stating our expectations and
following through on consequences for boundary violations, we can establish healthy
relationships and maintain our own well-being.
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2- Avoiding being drawn into their negative energy.
Avoiding being drawn into negative energy is another key strategy for dealing with
difficult and self-centered people. When we allow ourselves to be pulled into their
drama and negativity, it can be draining and can take a toll on our mental and emotional
well-being. In their book "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters
Most," Stone, Patton, and Heen (2010) emphasize the importance of recognizing and
managing our own emotional reactions when dealing with difficult people. They
suggest that we often become triggered by the other person's behavior, which can lead
us to react in ways that are unhelpful or counterproductive. The authors suggest that by
taking a step back and examining our own reactions, we can better manage our emotions
and avoid getting drawn into negative energy. Similarly, in his book "Emotional
Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ," Goleman (1995) notes that our
emotions can be contagious and that being around negative individuals can have a
detrimental effect on our own mood and well-being. He suggests that by being aware
of this effect and intentionally choosing to disengage from negative interactions, we
can protect ourselves from the negative energy of difficult people. In summary,
avoiding being drawn into negative energy is an important strategy for dealing with
difficult and self-centered people. By managing our own emotional reactions and
intentionally disengaging from negative interactions, we can protect our own well-
being and maintain healthy relationships with those around us.
3- Empathizing without enabling their behavior.
Empathizing with difficult and self-centered people can be challenging, but it is an
important strategy for maintaining healthy relationships. However, it is also important
to avoid enabling their negative behavior. In her book "The Dance of Anger: A Woman's
Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships," Lerner (2005) emphasizes
the importance of empathizing with difficult individuals while also setting boundaries.
She suggests that we can validate their emotions and acknowledge their perspective
while also communicating our own needs and expectations. This approach can help
prevent us from getting pulled into negative dynamics while also promoting open and
honest communication. Similarly, in his book "Nonviolent Communication: A
Language of Life," Rosenberg (2015) emphasizes the importance of empathetic
listening when dealing with difficult people. He suggests that we can seek to understand
the other person's perspective and emotions without necessarily agreeing with their
behavior. By doing so, we can maintain a sense of connection while also maintaining
healthy boundaries. However, it is also important to avoid enabling negative behavior.
In their book "Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using
Weapons or Duct Tape," Glass and Hirsch (2007) suggest that we need to be clear
about our expectations and communicate consequences for negative behavior. They
caution against making excuses for difficult individuals or allowing them to manipulate
us into accepting their behavior. In summary, empathizing with difficult and self-
centered people is an important strategy for maintaining healthy relationships.
However, it is also important to avoid enabling negative behavior by setting boundaries
and communicating consequences for inappropriate actions. By doing so, we can
promote healthy dynamics while also protecting our own well-being.
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4- Seeking support and professional help if necessary.
Seeking support and professional help is an important strategy for dealing with difficult
and self-centered people, particularly when the behavior becomes overwhelming or
harmful to our well-being. In his book "When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for
Difficult Times," Chodron (2000) emphasizes the importance of seeking support when
dealing with challenging situations. He suggests that we can reach out to trusted friends,
family members, or professionals to gain perspective and support during difficult times.
Similarly, in their book "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most,"
Stone, Patton, and Heen (2010) emphasize the importance of seeking professional help
when needed. They suggest that difficult people can sometimes trigger deep-seated
emotional issues or past traumas, which may require the help of a trained therapist or
counselor to work through. In addition, professional help can provide us with new
coping strategies or communication techniques for dealing with difficult people. In their
book "Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons
or Duct Tape," Glass and Hirsch (2007) suggest that seeking out training or
professional development opportunities can provide us with new skills and strategies
for managing difficult individuals. Overall, seeking support and professional help is an
important strategy for dealing with difficult and self-centered people, particularly when
the behavior becomes overwhelming or harmful to our well-being. By reaching out for
help, we can gain perspective, develop new coping strategies, and protect our own well-
being.
V- Data showing the most difficult and self-centred personalities to have ever walked this
planet: I know this is a topic of interest to many, to me I see it as “witch hunting” because it
is neither ethical nor possible to gather data to identify the "most difficult and self-centered
personalities to have ever walked this planet." There are several reasons why this would be
problematic: Unfair labeling: labeling individuals as difficult and self-centered without their
consent, and without any objective evidence, is unfair and can be stigmatizing. Subjectivity:
determining who the "most difficult and self-centered personalities" are is subjective and can
vary depending on cultural, societal, and personal biases. Ethics: collecting data on individuals
without their consent or knowledge is unethical and potentially illegal. Instead, it is more
productive to focus like I have done on identifying behaviors that are difficult and self-centered,
and developing strategies for managing these behaviors in a healthy and productive manner.
We can also educate ourselves on the psychological and environmental factors that contribute
to these behaviors, and seek professional help when necessary. It is important to prioritize our
own well-being and mental health, and to approach all individuals with empathy, compassion,
and understanding.
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Table 1 – Some Notable Difficult and self centered Personalities to have existed
Conclusion
This article has attempted to explore and develope strategies for dealing with difficult
and self-centered people. It is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and promoting
mental wellness. By understanding the psychological and environmental factors that contribute
to these behaviors, we can develop effective coping mechanisms and communication skills that
can help us manage our interactions with these individuals. It is also important to prioritize our
own well-being and mental health when dealing with difficult people, by setting healthy
boundaries, seeking support from friends and family, and practicing self-care activities such as
exercise, meditation, or hobbies that bring us joy. By taking care of ourselves and developing
strategies for dealing with difficult people, we can maintain our own emotional resilience and
cultivate more positive and fulfilling relationships with others.
CONTINENT
SELF CENTEREDNESS
RATE OF DIFFICULTY
SOUTH AMERICA
X
X
NORTH AMERICA
X
X
EUROPE
X
X
AFRICA
X
X
ASIA
X
X
ANTARCTICA
X
X
AUSTRALIA
X
X
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Acknowledgement
I hereby acknowledge the input of my late Father Afendia Fobella Julius, My Brother
Nkengafe Afendia, My sweet sisters Asonganyi and Ndemafe Afendia, my mother Elizabeth
Fosungu, My friend Ketrina Mpeta-Phiri and my wife Nalinya Ritah for their tireless efforts
during this work.
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