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ANG NAGING KAMALAYAN BUNGA NG
HIWALAYAN: UNDERSTANDING YOUNG
ADULTS’ ATTITUDES TOWARDS
PARENTAL SEPARATION
PSYCHOLOGY AND EDUCATION: A MULTIDISCIPLINARY JOURNAL
2023
Volume: 7
Pages: 637- 657
Document ID: 2023PEMJ586
DOI: 10.5281/zenodo.7749977
Manuscript Accepted: 2023-15-3
Psych Educ, 2023, 7: 637-657, Document ID: PEMJ0, doi: 10.5281/zenodo.7749977, ISSN 2822-4353
Research Article
Paras et al.
637/657
Ang Naging Kamalayan Bunga Ng Hiwalayan: Understanding Young Adults’ Attitudes
Towards Parental Separation
Niña Ercie Paras*, Nicole Anne Espiritu, Ma.Rovelyn Escoto, Jimboy Duran, Jenalyn Conquilla,
Jhamby Agustin, Amor Artiola, Wenifreda Templonuevo, Jhoselle Tus
For affiliations and correspondence, see the last page.
Abstract
The end of a relationship entails a significant change in one’s life. Separation of parents is defined
as living in a household with only one parent or in a home where the parents are married but eventually
stop living together as a couple. Typically, the experience of having a dysfunctional or unsatisfying
relationship precedes the parents’ separation. This study aims to explore the lived experiences of young
adults towards their parents’ separation, specifically: (1) to describe the lived experiences, advantages
and disadvantages, towards parental separation; (2) to determine young adults’ specific attitudes
towards parental separation; and (3) to identify the coping mechanisms regarding parental separation.
Utilizing the Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA) method, the study findings are the
following: (1) Young adults experienced more disadvantages from parental separation than advantages.
Most participants battled mainly with longing for parental support, early childhood responsibility, and
delinquency. (2) Young adults displayed various attitudes regarding affect, mainly sadness, perplexity,
anger, fear, frustration, and envy. Some of them displayed inappropriate behaviors towards social
relationships, such as avoidant, apathetic, disrespectful, and violent behaviors. (3) Most young adults,
primarily males, coped mostly through acceptance and forgiveness, social support, positive changes,
optimism, and lessons from the situation.
Keywords: attitudes, young adults, philippines, phenomenological study, parental separation
Introduction
The end of a relationship entails a significant change
in one's life. Separation of parents is defined as living in
a household with only one parent or in a home where
the parents are married but eventually stop living
together as a couple. Typically, the experience of
having a dysfunctional or unsatisfying relationship
precedes the parents' separation (Helsingin Kaupunki,
2021). Signs that separation is imminent include scorn,
harsh criticism, silence, persistent defensiveness, and
an inability to resolve disagreements. Numerous studies
have examined or identified parents' separation and
child outcomes, including cognitive abilities,
educational outcomes, and emotional and
psychological well-being. Many Filipinos have had or
tried to have their marriage dissolved, despite the
convergence of conditions that prevent most Filipinos
from doing so (Abalos, 2017). In the United States, an
estimated 1.1 million youth experience this change
within the family each year, with 30-50% living in
separated families before age 16 (Wolchik,
Christopher, Tein, Rhodes, & Sandler, 2018). Parental
separation is a significant adverse childhood
occurrence that is generally a risk factor for a child's
behavioral conflict (Xerxa et al., 2019). It instills
various emotions in many children, including fear, rage,
and relief.
Attitude is the mind's proclivity to act in a particular
way due to experience and behavior (Muslim, Harun,
Ismael, & Othman, 2020). As a concept and holistic
term, an attitude has been defined as a psychological
propensity to assess various entities with varying
degrees of agreement and disagreement. Attitude is
associated with behavioral intention in a good way. A
more thorough definition states that an attitude is a
person's perspective or personality comprised of
affective, cognitive, and behavioral components. The
cognitive component is one's beliefs or facts about the
attitude object. Regarding children's attitudes towards
parental separation, it is regarded as an added trauma
to an adverse stressful situation at home and a lengthy,
challenging journey. According to one study, separated
parents and raising children to influence their
children's affective, behavioral, and cognitive aspects. It
also includes increased rates of depression and other
types of maladaptive behavior, difficulty recovering
from stressors, and struggle to control emotions (De
Witte, 2018b). For instance, when a child of separation
shows the models of behavior obtained from their
parents when they separated, they internalize their
thoughts and attribute these events to a lack of trust in
people or a general mistrust toward relationships
(Pearce, 2017). Several studies have been conducted
on children's attitudes toward their parents' separation.
However, these studies still need to be more extensive
and adequate to guarantee young adults' overall lived
experiences with their different family structures and
within the different life contexts of young adults with
their parents separated.
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According to Gongala (2022), research shows that
children might get better grades when their parents
separate, as they no longer have to worry about the
issues in their families. Most or some of the children
of separated parents may also learn the best lessons in
handling relationships on a positive note and strive
hard to avoid repeating the same mistakes from their
parents. Generally, parental separation would free their
children from stress, which might improve their
physical and emotional health (Leamon, 2017).
However, these studies do not support other studies'
claims with the inconsistencies about girls' and boys'
attitudes towards parents' separation. According to
Justice Research and Data (2015), girls showed poorer
self-esteem and more behavioral issues than boys.
Comparatively, 63% of the girls and 27% of the boys
had worse psychological conditions. Contrarily, some
studies claim that there are no differences in males'
and girls' attitudes at all.
The study's objective is to explore the lived
experiences of young adults regarding their parents'
separation. It also aims to determine young adults'
specific attitudes and coping mechanisms regarding
parental separation. This study aims to contribute to
the small but growing body of knowledge about
children's attitudes following their parents' separation.
This study will be used in psychology to create and
promote awareness about children who have
experienced an unhealthy family structure.
Understanding children's health and emotional well-
being in connection to their family structure will
expand the field of study on the social and
psychological factors and the relevance of parental
separation to their children's attitudes.
Research Questions
This study, entitled "Ang Naging Kamalayan Bunga
ng Hiwalayan: Understanding Young Adults' Attitudes
Towards Parental Separation," aims to explore and
understand the attitudes of BS Psychology (1st-year to
4th-year) college students in private schools in
Bocaue, Bulacan in the Academic Year 2022-2023.
Specifically, this study sought answers to the
following questions:
1.
What are the lived experiences of young adults with
parental separation?
2.
What are the attitudes of young adults towards
parental separation?
3.
What are the coping mechanisms of young adults
towards parental separation?
Methodology
Strategies of Inquiry
A qu al ita tive rese arc h stra teg y called
"phenomenological research" was utilized to
comprehend and characterize a phenomenon's
fundamental elements. The methodology examines
human experience in daily life while putting aside the
researchers' prior notions about the phenomenon. In
other words, phenomenology research investigates
actual events to learn more about how people interpret
them. The premise behind phenomenological research
design is that individuals employ a standard structure
or essence to interpret their experiences (Delve, 2022).
They interpret the participants' emotions, perceptions,
and beliefs to elucidate the essence of the event under
inquiry. The researcher's preconceived notions about the
experience or phenomenon must be bracketed in
phenomenological research design. To fully
understand it, phenomenological research designs are
used to examine the perspectives of persons who have
encountered a phenomenon to comprehend its
universal character. This method is frequently used to
investigate lived experiences, learn more about
people's thinking, and widen a researcher's
understanding of a phenomenon.
Respondents of the Study
The study’s participants involved BS Psychology
college students in private schools in Bocaue,
Bulacan.The participants were between eighteen (18)
and twenty-five (25) years old. The researchers only
selected respondents whose parents separated and lived
with only one parent or without both parents. The
researchers focused on their criteria to identify and
select participants to contribute to the study. The
researchers ensured the availability and willingness to
engage and the respondents’ capacity to convey
experiences and views coherently, expressive, and
reflective. The participants’ selection reflects and serves
as an example of the homogeneity of the sample pool. In
a phenomenological approach, the researchers ask the
participants to remember, reflect on their lives, and
explain and interpret these recollections. The purpose is
to gain a comprehensive, holistic, and more in-depth
understanding of the respondents’ lived experiences.
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Data Collection Approaches
The researchers conducted one-on-one interviews with
young adults whose parents have separated to enhance
the findings of this study. Given the safety precautions
and COVID-19 constraints, the discussion took place
via an online video conference call using tools such as
Zoom, Google Meet, or Messenger, as preferred by the
participants. Participants were given consent forms
ahead of time to comply with legal requirements. The
consent form was delivered to each participant via
Google forms, permitting the full interview to be
videotaped for transcription reasons. Participants were
guaranteed that all information and data were kept
confidential following the conversation. This study
used a semi-structured interview guide submitted to an
intensive validation process by subject matter experts
to guarantee accuracy. The researchers created an
interview guide with particular questions to narrow this
study's three primary themes. The inquiries primarily
focused on young adults' experiences, attitudes, and
coping techniques in the aftermath of their parent's
separation. Furthermore, it is vital to emphasize that
participants can provide clarification or concerns about
these questions.
Data Analysis Procedure
The study used a qualitative approach, precisely the
Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA)
method. The benefit of the study is quadrupled
because of the bonding relationship the technique
allows researchers to build with their research
participants. It provides researchers with the best
opportunity to understand the most intimate reflections
on the "lived experiences" of research participants. The
interpretive-phenomenological analysis approach as a
"participant-centric" approach allows respondents
(research participants) to express themselves and their
"experiential stories" at their discretion, without bias
or persecution. The use of the IPA approach in a
qualitative research study underscores the fact that its
main aim and essence is to explore the participants'
lived experiences and allow them to narrate the research
results through their 'lived experiences (Alase, 2017).
There are several methods for gathering qualitative
data. One of the most efficient strategies for
eliminating content inconsistencies is to record and
transcribe interviews. A detailed review of the data
acquired from young adults whose parents have
separated was required. The interview data included
each participant's precise statements verbatim and
were thoroughly reviewed. The interview
transcriptions underwent thematic content analysis to
weed out biases, identify common themes as the data
is being searched, and find common patterns across the
data set. Familiarizing oneself with the information and
extracting preliminary analytic ideas from it is critical
(Canary, 2019). The next step was creating basic codes
and themes that captured and unified each piece of
information. The participants' experiences, attitudes,
and coping techniques were significant issues in this
study. Furthermore, the method culminated with
creating more precise sub-themes and a brief and
cohesive report containing these sub- themes. These
tactics ensured that the information was trustworthy,
accurate, and unavoidable.
Results and Discussion
The Lived Experiences of Young Adults with
Parental Separation
The experiences of parental separation among young
adults varied greatly, and it is complex to assume
whether parental separation is entirely a “good” or “bad”
experience for them. However, specific patterns of
shared experiences and viewpoints were found.
This theme presented the lived experiences of young
adults, and various themes involved ten (10)
participants who had positive experiences with
parental separation. This theme emphasized
independence, a non-chaotic environment after the
separation, parents’ better lifestyle, freedom, and
financial assistance. Moreover, fifteen (15)
participants had negative experiences with parental
separation. This theme emphasized longing for
parental support, early childhood responsibility, neglect
of childhood, the feeling of incompleteness,
delinquency, and sudden adjustment.
Advantages
Being independent is a skill that only some possess.
However, being overly independent can sometimes
result in loneliness. Nevertheless, in today’s fast-paced
world, it is crucial to learn how to be independent
(Delaware Psychological Services, 2021). Due to
parental separation, some participants, like Kwangsoo,
expressed and shared their experience of becoming
independent. As he shared:
“Ayun siguro yung natuto kaming maging independent
sa mga sarili namin and mas nag bond yung
relationship namin magkakapatid na okay lang na
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kahit wala kaming magulang natuto kaming magluto,
natuto kami sa sarili namin, kaya namin imanage yung
bahay naglilinis kami, naglalaba, nagluluto kaya namin
patakbuhin to ayun mas naging independent kami ayun
yung nakita kong advantage.”
Jungkook, another participant, shared the same
sentiments and experience. He stated:
“Isa sa mga advantages, is naging independent ako
ngayon, kasi simula nung natuto akong kumayod,
tumayo sa sarili kong paa sa mga gigs, nag work. Dun
ako natuto na kahit bubuhayin ko yung sarili ko,
susuportahan ko iyong sarili ko, kasi iyong stepfather
ko hindi niya ako pinag aaral and yung mama ko walang
trabaho. ”
Also, in line with Jihyo’s response. He also shared that
due to his parent’s separation, he learned to be
independent like the two other participants, Kwangsoo
and Jungkook.
“Siguro yung advantages po siguro yung matuto kang
maging independent kasi hindi rin naman ako maka asa
sa lolo at lola ko nga since nagtatrabaho sila that time
and talagang elementary palang, ako na ang
gumagawa lahat tapos may kapatid pa ako kaya
talagang nag stand up ka talaga parang naging parent
ka na rin sa kapatid mo yung naging sense of
responsibility mo bilang bata palang.”
Even though the participants went through a lot, it
cannot be denied that despite their parents’ separation,
there are still advantages. Parental separation enables
them to independently care for their emotional,
physical, or financial needs (Delaware Psychological
Services, 2021).
Fortunately, young adults are not permanently harmed
by parental separation. As studied by Graine (2020),
there are various circumstances in which young adults
gain from their parent's separation. As Jimin shared:
"Hindi na magulo, hindi na maingay, and masyadong
tahimik na, gano’n."
J-hope also shared his peacefulness in the said
situation:
"Since medyo chaotic ang settings kapag yung parents
mo nag aaway sila sa iisang bubong. And that's kinda
sad na makita ng mga children like me na mas
naguguluhan yung bata kapag yung parents nila ay
laging nag aaway kaya advantages sa amin ang
hiwalayan nila."
Morin (2021) states that children may be more prone
to behavioral and mental health problems if they grow
up in families with much bickering, animosity, and
discontentment.
Also, although parental separation is difficult for
families, staying together just for the benefit of the
children is possible, and there are better courses of
action. Sometimes, choosing what you think is wrong
is the best for everyone. Just like Lisa shared:
"Basta po alam ko mas sumaya po si mama dito sa
step dad ko. Kaya tingin ko advantage na rin po yon
kasi her teenage life hindi po masyadong maganda."
Sana also shared how her parents turned out to be better
after the separation:
"Naging advantages siya at some point sa mama ko,
kasi medyo hindi na mga masyadong maganda iyong
pagsasama nila. Mas nagawa ni mama kung ano man
iyong mga dapat niyang gawin or gusto niyang gawin,
since nung sila pa kasi parang meron pang limitation
na hindant noong nag sasama pa sila. Pero nung
naghiwalay na sila, ayun nagawa na ni mama iyong
mga gusto niyang gawin ganun din si papa."
That is why separating is also a good choice,
especially if it is already toxic. As Graine (2020)
mentioned, the stress at the heart of the ongoing conflict
can frequently be relieved by the parents’ separation.
To continue when it comes to decision-making, some of
the participants shared how they became self-reliant
after their parents separated. As Jin shared:
“Ah! Yung ano ako yung nagdedesisyon sa sarili ko, sa
mga kailangan kong gawin tapos walang pumipigil sa
akin ganon. Yung sarili ko lang mga paa talaga, ayun
lang yung pinaka advantage ko.”
Also, it is somewhat similar to Tzuyu’s response. She
said:
"Yung parang walang nagbabawal sa’kin. Yung walang
didisiplina na sa aking tatay, syempre ‘di ko naman
alam kung ano yung tama’t mali noon kung bakit ko
nagagawa yung mga gano’n.”
Experiencing parental separation is challenging,
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exhausting, and mentally draining, but some
participants still see its advantages, especially in money.
As Rose shared:
"Siguro mababaw… tas ayun nga, dalawa inuuwian
ko. It’s either sa Mama ko or sa Papa ko. Minsan kapag
umuuwi ako doon sa papa ko… tas uuwi ako sa mama
ko, laging may pabaon. Laging may pa extrang
allowance. Para sa’kin, ‘yon siguro yung advantage."
Citizens Information (2022) analyzed that parents must
help their children financially and have a legal right to
receive financial support from both parents. That
continuous duty remains the same whether a couple
separates or is divorced.
Disadvantages
Separation from parents is stressful since it eliminates
children’s most crucial protection while also creating
additional trauma. Indeed, research on institutionalized
children has demonstrated that such isolation disrupts
normal child development and has long-term harmful
effects on both physical and psychological well-being
(De Witte, 2018). According to Lodge (2012), parents
must be urged to stay attentive and receptive to their
children’s needs while creating family arrangements
following separation, including having flexible plans
around their children’s routines, for example, doing
schoolwork, playing sports, and seeing friends.
However, according to Jin, he experienced the
opposite.
“Disadvan tage ko syempre yung wala akong
mapagkukwentuhan at tsaka ano walang ano example
sa parents meeting minsan humihiram pa ko ng parents
ng mga kaibigan ko example sa pagkuha ng mga card
humihiram pa ako ng mga magulang ng kaibigan ko
para kumuha ng card ko ayun yung disadvantage ko
wala akong kasama.”
Rose, on the other hand, experienced the same thing
Jin experienced.
“Ang pinaka-disadvantage sa akin, sa kanila din siguro,
yung hindi nila akong nakikitang lumalaki,
nag mam atu re. K umb aga hind i n ila ako
nasusubay b ayan. ”
Parental divorce may be difficult for their children. If
parents separate, they must continue to care for their
children. Children must retain a close bond with both
parents (You are Mom Magazine, 2018). However,
Jungkook experienced the opposite, and it greatly
affected him for a long time.
“Basta ang disadvantages number one diyan yung
inggit, selos, tsaka ano apektadong-apektado ako kapag
may mga events na kailangan ng magulang especially
graduation, at kapag sumasali ako ng contest, syempre
parang iba iyong laban mo kapag nanonood ang
parents mo. So, walang ganun, walang ganun bagay,
kaya nasabi ko na mahirap, ang laking impact pa rin
niya na kahit so b rang tagal naapektuhan pag din
ako.”
Parental separation is a difficult period for adolescents,
and they require enough assistance. Adolescents were
aided by family members, particularly parents, who
listened and provided knowledge and reassurance. Also,
parents must be present to listen and supervise their
children’s actions in a non-intrusive manner (Lodge,
2012). However, RM did not experience the same thing
in his family.
“Ang disadvantages nun, hindi sila magkasama at hindi
napoprovide yung mga needs namin tapos walang
moral support.”
It is not unusual in today’s environment for older
children to take on a large amount of responsibility for
younger siblings, domestic duties, dinner preparation,
and other parts of running a family with either two or
one working parent. If the child has more domestic
responsibilities than its parent, they have handed them
too much to do. You are the parent; thus, parents should
share more home responsibilities than the child. It is
simpler if they have several children to distribute
responsibilities among, but depending on one child to
handle everything at home is too much. Realize that you
are the parent, choose to have children, and live your
life. Your child did not (My Family Digest, 2014). As
stated by Jennie, all responsibilities when her mother
left were transferred to her and eventually became her
responsibility, which was supposed to be not.
“Hmm… mahirap po nung una kasi po ano eh yung mga
responsibilities po na naiwan po talaga. Ako po yung
sumalo lahat nung umalis po si mama lahat po ng
gawaing bahay ako po yung sumalo yun po yung
disadvantage.”
According to Exploring Your Mind’s (2022) blog,
particular demands should never be performed on a
minor. The first is to take the place of a parent. It is not
a child’s obligation to guarantee their sibling’s well-
being. If the parents cannot execute this duty, it must
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be delegated to another adult. Older siblings should
not be forced to put their sibling’s needs before their
own. They should be able to do it whenever and
wherever they choose. However, Kwangsoo did not
experience the same thing and was obligated to care
for his younger siblings at a young age.
“Yung mga responsibilities na hindi pa ako dapat
obligado lahat yon nararanasan ko and ngayon
obligado na ako. Pero okay lang sakin syempre mga
kapatid ko kaya nga lang mahirap kasi katulad ng sinabi
ko hindi lang naman ako kuya eh! Estudyante din ako,
boyfriend din ako, kaibigan din ako marami akong
commitment marami akong ginagawa kaya hindi
madali.”
Every child understands the world through interactions
with their parents, teachers, friends, carers, and specific
social events. Children and families flourish when they
access a secure, stable, and supportive environment
that fosters excellent childhood experiences (Wahi,
2022). Also, according to Healthy Children
Organization (2015), several traits are commonly
associated with a well-functioning family. Some
examples are encouragement; love and concern for
other family members; safety and a feeling of
belonging; open communication; and enabling every
family member to feel important, valued, respected,
and appreciated. Which is the opposite life that Jihyo
has grown up with and nurtured.
“Yung disadvantage naman yung hindi mo naranasan
maging bata tulad ng ibang batang may parents.”
According to Dean (2022), familial love is distinct love
with its sensations, behaviors, difficulties, and rewards.
A family consists of people acting as a unit, not blood
relatives. This frequently, but only sometimes,
includes parents and children. Families that participate
in activities together strengthen their family bonds.
These interactions draw them closer, whether they are
going on a date or enjoying the evening engaging in
board games.
When Dahyun sees a happy and complete family,
something in her heart breaks because she knows she
will not experience it. After all, her parents are not
together anymore.
“Ano, malaking pagsubok sa akin yun lalo na kapag
ka may nakikita akong complete iyong family ganun.
Parang malungkot ako kasi wala akong ganun, di
magkasama ang mama at papa ko kaya malungkot.
Yun yung disadvantage parang laging may kulang sa
sarili ko ganun.”
According to the study conducted by Boccio and Beaver
(2019), because of patterns of change in family
structure, the relationship between parental separation
and delinquency is of particular relevance. Parental
divorce is linked to various adverse outcomes,
including psychiatric issues, poor mental health, poor
academic performance and accomplishment, and
greater engagement in delinquent behavior.
Just like Tzuyu, who had poor academic performance
and engaged in some delinquent behavior in high
school. She says:
“Feeling ko mayroon eh, kasi syempre parang
nagbubulakbol ako noon at parang ang dami kong
ginawang mali noon. Sa pag-aaral ‘di ako masyado
nakakapag-focus, noong high school cutting ako nang
cutting.”
In addition, in many circumstances, poor parental
monitoring begins in early infancy; moreover, the
implications of this parenting style may only become
apparent once the child approaches adolescence. Parent-
child connection is critical for the child’s social and
emotional development. Uninvolved and
inattentive parenting, including criminal activity, can
seriously affect the child (Law Teacher, 2013).
Any separation causes sadness. Children who are going
through a hard time may want the presence of both
parents as well as the family life they formerly had
and loved. (Hanlon, 2020). The sudden adjustment of V
in his environment because of his parent’s separation
also leads him to depression. He stated that:
“Ano po... marami po siyang naging cause, e. Una po,
nasanay po na kumpleto kami at masaya tapos biglang
gano’n nga po. Kaya malaking epekto po sa mga anak.
Ano po... nagkaroon po ng depression, gano’n.
Lumala po yung situation.”
Attitudes of Young Adults Towards Parental
Separation
This subordinate theme elucidates young adults’
attitudes toward parental separation, and are the
subordinate themes identified: affect, behavior, and
cognition.
Affect towards parental separation emphasized
feelings of sadness, perplexity, anger, fear, frustration,
and envy. Cognition towards parental separation
highlighted the participants’ thoughts about parental
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separation, their life perceptions, and their
realizations.
Affect
Certain emotions, such as anger, perplexity,
frustration, and grief, are all common feelings children
may experience due to life events (OurFamilyWizard,
2019). For instance, the fact that many parents are
unable to address their c hild r en’s demands,
particularly in the period immediately following
parental separation, can significantly arouse
these powerful emotions. Sadness is primarily one of
them. This is reflected in Dahyun’s statement below:
“Ano, yung sa mga unang stage kasi or phase ay
malungkot. Parang di ko tanggap yun eh, di ko tanggap
na hiwalay na si mama at papa hirap talaga ako
tanggapin yun. Hangga’t nga maaari noon ayoko
talagang pinag-uusapan yung ganun.”
Dahyun expressed her sadness, hardly accepting that her
parents have separated and avoiding certain situations
that remind her of it. The same emotion was felt by
Tzuyu every time she encountered a complete family.
She stated:
“Basta ‘pag mayroon akong nakikitang buong
pamilya, nalulungkot lang ako.”
According to Morin (2021), parental separation causes
emotional anguish for the entire family, but it can be
frightening, perplexing, and upsetting for children.
Young children frequently have difficulty
comprehending why they must go between two homes.
Likewise, some young adults in the study have
experienced perplexity since the parental separation.
This is reflected in Jennie’s statement, saying:
“Nung mga time po na yon eh kinukwestiyon ko yung
sarili ko ganon tsaka kinukwestiyon ko po kung deserve
ko po ba yon or deserve po ba yon tatay ko yon na
iwanan kami ng ganon.”
The participant expressed her perplexity in the
situation, questioning whether she deserved such an
occurrence and if it was worthy of being left by her
father. In addition to the author’s claim, Morin (2021),
teenagers may feel enraged by separation and the
resulting changes. They may hold one parent
accountable for the collapse of the marriage or harbor
resentment toward one or both parents for the family’s
upheaval. This emotion is reflected in J-Hope’s
response:
“Ahhh, number one yung nagagalit eh sa kanilang
dalawa. Kasi pwede naman nilang pag-usapan ganun.
Akala ko kasi that time, it was as simple as that na
makipag-usap lang to apologize to each other and heal
the wound of each other, pero ayun galit talaga yung
unang naramdaman ko.”
According to Kim (2017), separated parents’ children
frequently struggle more intensively and destructively
with relationship and marital fears. These fears build
to a crescendo in maturity when they find themselves
standing where their parents once stood. Indeed, this
fear was an experienced emotion by Rose. She said:
“.. takot na yung naramdaman ko nun. No’ng time na
yun, kahit ba na bata-bata pa ako and up until now,
naiisip ko pa rin yun. Kinakain ako no'ng ano, e…
baka in the future, gano’n din yung mangyari sa akin.
Gano’n… sa magiging asawa ko. Ayun yung naging
epekto sa akin kasi parang fresh pa rin sa akin, e.
Nakikita ko kasi talaga sila sa harap talaga namin nag-
aaway, ganyan. Parang 'pag sa akin na nangyari yun,
na-imagine ko na parang ayaw ko na agad.”
In addition, Jisoo stated her side in relation to what Rose
had felt regarding her parents’ separation. She feared
that what happened to her parents might as well happen
to her future family, and she said:
“Madalas po akong mag overthink sa mga bagay-
bagay kasi syempre parang natatakot po ako na baka
someday ganito din po iyong ma experience ng
magiging family ko, and ayoko po na dumating sa
ganoong situation.”
According to HandsOn (n.d.), reactions will differ
depending on the child or young person's age and
developmental stage. Children and young people's
emotional changes are quite diverse since each
separation is unique, just as the children and young
people are. Some people may become furious and
frustrated. Same with Jennie showed frustration due to
her parent's separation. She said:
“Nung una po medyo ano po frustrated po talaga kasi
po sudden po eh yung biglaan po yung paghihiwalay
nila kaya po nagkaroon ng frustration po sa akin.”
Aside from frustration due to sudden parental
separation, Kwangsoo added another point for being
frustrated by his parent's separation. He emphasized
the responsibility and hardship passed onto him and
his siblings after their parents separated. It caused
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them mainly financial problems and stress. His
frustration is reflected in his statement below:
“Yung mga ginawa nilang pagkakamali noong bata
bata pa sila kami yung nag susuffer kami ng mga
kapatid ko. Ako syempre kapag nakikita kong
nahihirapan yung mga kapatid ko sa ganitong bagay
kapos kami financially ang epekto sa akin non syempre
psychologically nahihirapan ako. Naiistress ako kasi
maraming times na nagkaklase ako walang padala yung
papa ko walang bigay yung mama ko tas nagkaklase
ako kailangan ko mag-aral. Magsasabi yung mga
kapatid ko na, ‘kuya wala na tayong pagkain, kuya,
wala na tayong ganito eh!’ Minsan, that point, wala
din ako kaya minsan nahihirapan ako kasi bigla ako
maghahagilap kung saan kami kakain, saan kami
kukuha ng pang kain, saan kami kukuha pambayad dito.
”
Another powerful emotion that the participants showed
is envy. Jealousy, which is sometimes prevalent along
with envy, is distinguished from it (Greenwood, 2016).
Envy only involves two individuals and the perception
that someone is completer than oneself because they
possess something one does not. On the other hand,
jealousy incorporates three people and the dread that
someone else has taken the beloved object rightfully
theirs. This is reflected in Suga’s statement below:
“Minsan po naiinggit ako kapag may nakikita kong
kumpleto kumakain ganon po yung sa pamilya po. Saka
one time po, nakita ko po silang kumakain sabay. Dapat
ganyan din kami eh! Kumakain din kami ng sabay kaso
iniwan po kami ganon.”
The participant envied those who bond together and
have a complete family. Moreover, Jihyo added her
sentiment regarding being envious of her classmates
who have their parents supporting them in their
academics and school events. She said:
“.. tapos nung nagkaisip na wala pala akong ganito
ganyan tapos parang nakakainggit sa mga ibang
kaklase ko nung high school. Nakikita ko yung parents
nila kumukuha ng card tapos ako di ako makakuha ng
card kaya pinapasabay na lang sa mga kaklase.”
Behavior
According to Marripedia (n.d.-a), children of separated
parents are more likely to develop behavioral
difficulties. A study indicates that there is occasionally
no statistical difference in the behavioral problems
observed for children whose parents separated or
divorced versus children whose parents remained
together. One behavioral problem among the
participants was their avoidance of their parents or the
situation. This is reflected in Nayeon’s statement,
saying:
“Siguro ano... yun lang hindi ako nakikipag-
communicate talaga sa kanila. Like, hindi ko talaga sila
pinapansin kasi ayoko talaga silang makausap. Kasi
nasa utak ko no’n, once nakausap ko sila, feeling ko
hindi maganda yung sasabihin ko kasi nando’n pa rin
naman sa utak ko na magulang ko pa rin sila. So, I have
to still respect them kahit anong ginawa nila. So ayun,
hindi lang talaga ako nakikipag-communicate sa kanila.
Tapos, avoidance lang talaga sa lahat ng desisyon nila.
Kung may desisyon sila, bahala sila, gano’n.”
Likewise, Jungkook showed the same behavior by
avoiding himself to open up to his parents. He said:
“So ayun nga, yung behavior hindi ako nag oopen sa
kanila, hindi ako nag oopen ng problema ko, the word
na hindi ako open sa kanila ganun iyong masasabi
ko.”
According to VisiHow (2018), teaching children to
respect their mother or father who has left the house is
undoubtedly the most crucial. Respect is always
necessary, even though separation is never a positive
example for the children. It is essential to teach the
children that respect is a decision one makes and never
to have terrible thoughts about their parents, much less
say anything about it in public. However, parents should
take their children's feelings into account. Given that
their separation is the most stressful and difficult time,
they cannot blame their children's inappropriate
behavior on them. It will inevitably lead to melancholy
and loneliness. Parents cannot prevent the child from
feeling fear or resentment over the possibility of
separation. Children may act disrespectfully, but
they express their sadness and helplessness during this
challenging time. This is reflected in Rose's response:
“Parang teenager na ako no’n, yung ugali na pinakita
ko, mas naging matigasin na yung ulo ko. I mean,
matigas na talaga ulo ko pero no’ng time na yun, mas
lalo. I mean no’ng grade 8, do’n ako natutong
maglakwatsa. Hind i naman ako tota lly na
nagrerebelde. Ano lang talaga… yung ugali na
pinakita, yun sumasagot-sagot ako, puro ako gala.”
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J-Hope also showed such a behavior, being hostile and
disrespectful, towards his parents. He said:
“Siguro ano, mas naging maldito ako towards them.
Like, kaunting tanong lang naiinis na ako sa kanila.
Kasi parang ayoko na talaga silang kausap kapag
ganun, kasi everytime na kausap ko sila kahit
irrelevant naman dun sa issue nung family parang
naiisip ko na nandun pa din sa hiwalayan nila.”
The possible reason behind a behavior like this was
explained in an article by Hurd (2018). She said parents'
relationship issues affect children of divorced parents as
they tend to relate similar problems to their
relationships, recalling their parents' suffering, which
ended in a crumbled marriage. Even when a
relationship is going well, a child of divorced parents
may perceive imagined issues. These issues can
occasionally be little more than illusions and may result
in a rift between partners. One of the participants in a
relationship admitted how she tends to behave, causing
an argument with her partner. Tzuyu shared:
“Sa una, okay kami pero habang tumatagal,
lumalabas yung ugali. Parang ganun din, nag-aaway
kami. Yung parang sinasagot-sagot ko at inaaway-
away ko. Basta kung ano yung ugali ko sa bahay, gano’n
din.”
In addition to being hostile and disrespectful to
separated parents, the study found some participants
who also appeared apathetic towards their parents. This
is reflected in Jennie’s response, saying:
“Syempre po ano naging cold po yung pakikitungo po
talaga tapos po yung mga fondness po nila hindi ko po
talaga na a-appreciate parang kapag may ginawa po
sila para sa akin parang wala lang po yon ganon po.”
It is also reflected on Tzuyu’s brief answer, saying:
“Ayun, yung pagsagot-sagot tapos yung pagiging
walang pakialam.”
Separation is not a process only couples go through
(Çetinkaya & Erçin, 2015). Since children are present
in most separated families, separation is also a
significant event for the child. It is noted that a
separation may result in several changes that could
harm the child.
Deveraux (2019) claimed that parental separation could
result in undesirable behavior, particularly in young
adults who frequently deal with intense parental
displeasure. Family ties may break down as a result, or
you may engage in violent conduct like shouting and
offending those around you. As Rose shared:
"Sa magulang, iyon talaga. Mas naging ano ako talaga,
basag-ulo."
Grandparents, relatives, close family members,
instructors, and other school personnel are all familiar
adult caregivers in a child's life. Each may play a role in
assisting children and adolescents as they cope with the
family transition. They can offer children and young
people protection and support, helping them feel
competent and in charge and uphold standards and
consistent discipline (Phillips, 2016). Just like Jin
experienced with his relatives despite his parents'
separation.
“Ahmm… sa kamag-anak normal lang maayos naman
kami pinalaki kasi yung tita ko medyo strict niya eh kaya
okay naman hindi kami naligaw ng landas.”
Jennie also stated that her parents’ separation also led
her to be close to her relatives.
“Ahmm… sa kamag-anak po ano eh sila po yung naging
sandalan ko nung mga time na yon so mas naging close
po kami nung nangyari po yon.”
According to the Department of Justice Canada (2017),
adolescents are much less dependent on their families.
Therefore, the separation appears to be less harmful to
them. Furthermore, it does not affect their relationship
with their family and relatives. As Jisoo stated, her
parents' separation does not affect her relationship with
her relatives; she still treats them respectfully.
“Ahhh sa kamag anak ko naman po ganoon din po. Kasi
sila po iyong nagkukwento eh na ganito iyong parents
mo before na ganito iyong daddy mo. Kumbaga
kung ano po iyong sinasabi nila pinapakinggan ko
lang po, pero kung yung behavior or kung paano ko
sila pakitunguhan nandoon pa din po iyong respeto.”
Jungkook also supports this claim as he states:
“Sa mga kamag-anak naman this time normal lang
siya. Parang we are just acting like walang
nangyaring hiwalayan ganun. Kasi ang awkward lang
kasi kapag kunwari magkakasama kami ng kapatid ni
mama, tapos kapatid din ng papa ko in both sides. Ang
awkward pag usapan ang ganyang klase ng bagay na
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parang samin-samin na lang dapat ng parents namin.
So, kung dun sa behavior naman, wala, this time normal
lang iyong pakikitungo ko sa kanila. Kasi wala naman
dapat ibahin or baguhin towards may kamag anak so
ayun for me normal lang siya.”
Jimin also experienced the same thing regarding his
relationship with his relatives, as he stated:
“Sa mga kamag-anak ko... kaunti lang naman mga ka-
close ko. And mostly naman, halos lahat sila gano’n
pa rin naman. Madali pa rin naman kausap, magaan pa
rin naman kausap, gano’n . Wala namang
pagbabago.”
Reactions can also differ over time. Children may
refuse to realize that the separation or divorce is genuine
or permanent, believing their parents must reconcile.
They may eventually understand that despite their hard
work, they cannot make it happen. Despite this
emotional roller coaster, research shows that most
children finally accept their parents' separation or
divorce and adjust to their new family system (Public
Legal Education Association of Saskatchewan, n.d.).
Rose, another participant, said that her parents'
separation made her distant from her relatives. As she
stated:
“Sa relatives naman, no’ng maghiwalay parents ko,
medyo lumayo loob ko and gano’n din sa mga pinsan
ko, sa tito ko, hindi ko na sila masyadong kinakausap.
Thinking ko no’n, parang hinayaan, lalo na sa mga
tito ko, o kaya sa mga lolo’t lola ko na kung bakit nila
hinayaan na gano’n.”
Also, Jihyo said that sometimes she feels
uncomfortable when she talks with some of her
relatives.
“Hmm, sa kamag anak naman po medyo ano lang
merong ilangan ganun sa ibang side pero sa side
naman ng mother ko since dito naman siya nag stay or
dito ako sa side niya nag stay, wala naman pong
nagbago.”
Regarding friends, some participants expressed how
willing they are to help and spare time for their friends.
That way, they got closer and more connected as
friends. Jin shared:
“Minsan lang ako magkwento sa kanila. Kasi hindi
naman ako natutong mag share ng mag share ng mga
nararamdaman ko. Bali ako nalang yung nakikinig sa
kanila tapos kapag may problema sila kapag
kailangan nila ng katabi or karamay pupuntahan ko sila
kahit gabi pa yan. ”
Another participant, Jungkook, on the other hand, was
the only participant to express how fortunate his friends
were to have a complete family. For this reason, he
advises his friends to cherish the moments with the
family. As he stated,
“Ayun, kasi sa mga friends ko ako lang iyong may
broken family the rest puro alam mo yun ang sasaya,
kumpleto na, minsan nga nandudun iyong lola at lolo
nila kumbaga extended family tawag dito sa pinas.
Towards them, lagi kong sinasabi sa kanila na
sobrang swerte nila, lagi kong sinasabi sa kanila na
hindi ko maitatanggi na minsan sinabi ko na naiinggit
ako sa kanila. Parang sabi ko isave nila yung mga
ganung moments together with their family, kasi ang
sarap ispend ang time kapag buo ang family mo na
talagang never kong naranasan. Lagi kong sinasabi sa
kanila na napaka swerte nila na talagang ikeep nila
yung mga ganung moments kasi mahirap, sobrang
hirap kapag broken family ka.”
As for the other participants, they shared that they
become more open when their friends are with them.
Rosè, one of the participants, shared her main reason for
feeling comfortable expressing and saying things to her
friends.
“Ayun, sa kaibigan naman, mas nag-o-open ako do’n
sa mga alam akong maiintindihan ako. Mas gusto ko
talaga na sila yung kasama ko talaga.”
Likewise, this is reflected on Dahyun’s response:
“Sa kaibigan, yung nabuo kong pag uugali mas malapit
ako sa mga kaibigan. Kasi ano eh, sila yung mas
nakakasama ko eh. Mas open ako sa kanila ganun.”
Compared to other participants, Nayeon was the only
participant who expressed and shared how she limits
herself to showing love to her friends. Nayeon shared:
“Siguro ano lang, negative side sa mga kaibigan is
parang super limit lang ng mga actions ko sa kanila,
like, showing how I love them. Parang hindi gano’n ka-
showy as the others na may effort na ganito, may effort
na gan’yan. Ako kasi, yung way of showing love to my
friends is parang through actions talaga na medyo
tough love, gano’n.”
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Just at home, children's cognition may be influenced or
driven by their families, typically their parents. In cases
where the parents are separated, children's cognitive
development is affected by the emotional trauma from
the given situation (Perez, 2021). Parent separation is
difficult for a child to understand, but it causes trauma.
As Jennie said,
“ Sig ur o po y un g ano [s ep ar atio n of parents]
traumatizing po talaga siya ayun po always… Hindi rin
po agad maintindihan yung sitwasyon since bata pa nga
po, ganon.”
At a young age, children might not be able to
understand the separation of their parents yet.
However, for children with separated parents, their
parents' emotional changes and absence is easy to
interpret. This event in a child's life would mean
abandonment to them. Furthermore, the environment
this parental separation created has stolen the security
children need and would significantly result in
psychological consequences (Exploring Your Mind,
2021). Parents might not be aware, but their children are
mostly affected by the chaos rendered by their
separation. Children of separated parents cannot do
anything but seek the presence of their parents; as
Jungkook said,
“…ang pananaw ko bilang isang anak at bilang isang
product ng broken family, napaka-selfish. Iyon ang
masasabi ko, ang selfish kasi alam mo yun iniisip lang
nila ‘yong sarili nila, ‘yong sariling kapakanan nila,
hindi nila iniisip ang pwedeng epekto bilang isang anak,
lalo na sa aming mga product ng broken family. Hindi
nila alam kung gaano kahirap ang buhay ng isang anak
na hindi nakakasama ang nanay at tatay, so, parang sa
akin ang selfish ng dating lang sa akin. Bakit kailangan
maghiwalay? Hindi ba parang hindi niyo ba alam yung
trauma na maibibigay niyo sa mga anak niyo? Like,
dumating nga sa point na nasaan papa ko, nasaan
mama ko gano’n...”
Being in a love relationship and a convenient
relationship are different. In a convenient relationship,
couples believe that it is better to have someone as a
companion than to have an emotional and deep
attachment towards them. The problem with
convenient love is when the couple is no longer satisfied
with their current status and wants more, and then there
the relationship starts to fall apart (Pace, 2020a). Love
and convenience are different in that children can
formulate ideas of what kind of
relationship their parents had. Jennie is one of the
participants who think that some people get into a
relationship because it is convenient for them. Here is
her statement:
“Siguro po perspective ko sa love hindi po sa life. Ano
po nabuo po yung thought na ano some people are
together not because they love each other but because
it is convenient with them po. Yung nga po na parang
it doesn't matter kung may responsibilities na may
naiiwan ganon po.”
One of the bitter realizations from the participants that
cannot be argued is that nothing lasts forever. Such as
the known quotation from Heraclitus, "The only thing
constant is change." After separating these
participants' parents, their eyes opened to this thinking.
See it in Jungkook's statement:
“Realization ko dun, wala talagang forever. Yung
realization ko dun there is no permanent in this world.
Lahat nawawala, lahat nagbabago, lahat nasisira, kahit
sabihin mo na sobrang tatag nung relationship nung
dalawang taong yan. Hindi pa din mawawala parang
darating at darating pa din sa punto na maghihirap,
magkakaroon ng struggle, dadating sa point na
mawawala.”
Another realization of the participants is that there is
no perfect family. A story that the participants can relate
to is the story of Elisa Morgan. Her parents are
separated. She said that life is not perfect, and so are
families. Beyond the circumstances in her life, she is
determined to have an intact family (Morgan, 2014).
Here is Kwangsoo's statement about family:
“Ang naging realization ko na parang there's no perfect
family I mean kahit man kayo eh! Although buo kayo or
broken lahat ng pamilya walang perpekto may times na
nag aaway kayo diyan or problema ayun. Pero ayun din
family is important talaga walang perfect family pero
family is important kasi nga yung family ko may mga
times na hirap na hirap nako sukong suko nako pero
kapag nakikita ko sila parang narealize ko na kailangan
ako ng mga kapatid ko. Kailangan ako ng mga to gusto
ko pa silang bigyan ng magandang buhay na hindi
naibigay sa amin ng mga magulang namin.”
In her article, Zacharias (2020) mentions that
Pickhardt's article on Psychology Today explores the
age-related differences in responses and why teens are
more likely to develop greater independence. Older
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children are already testing the waters of being apart
from their parents more frequently. Pickhardt also said
that dependent-minded adolescents tend to deal with
divorce more aggressively. They often react
rebelliously and disregard family discipline, taking care
of themselves as their parents failed to do so. Stated
below is Dahyun's realization:
“Realization ko ano, mas nakilala ng mga tao bilang
fierce. Ang lakas daw ng loob ko, matapang ganyan,
kumbaga binuilt ko yung sarili ko sa ganun. Kasi
kailangan ko maging ganun, kasi wala naman akong
sandalan na magulang eh na foundation ko. Kaya ako
sa sarili ko ang nag built na kailangan maging matatag
ako sa buhay.”
Everyone desires a happy marriage that lasts.
Everyone wants to succeed in life, and a happy
marriage is undoubtedly a significant factor in
achieving certain levels of success. At some points, the
person that one loves the most or who initially loves one
may not always be the right partner. Relationship
experts concur that love alone will never be enough to
ensure a successful union. There must be a high level
of sexual and interpersonal compatibility between
partners for a relationship to be happy and lasting
(Mangubat, 2022). One of the participants also
realized that choosing a suitable partner is very
significant in marriage. Here are V's sentiments:
“Dapat kapag po nagkakaroon ng family po, dapat po
talaga sure sa magiging partner. Ano po kasi yun, e,
dadalhin mo po yun hanggang sa pagtanda. Once na
maling tao po yung nakasama niyo po, syempre dapat
una pa lang, hindi na ituloy. Late mo na mar-realize
yung gano’n, saka ka pa lang magsisisi.”
Adapting to the Circumstances
Acceptance entails fully recognizing the realities of a
situation and letting go of the idea that things ought to
be different (Sharp Health News, 2021). This mindset
enables Rose to let go of judgmental thoughts and accept
and forgive. As she said,
“...tinanggap ko yung sitwasyon namin ngayon. The
more kasi na hindi ko tinatanggap, baka ngayon dala-
dala ko pa rin. Baka hanggang ngayon may sama pa rin
ako ng loob. Tinanggap ko yun sa sarili at
pinatawad both sides. Dahil kahit sino man sa
kanilang dalawa, parehas may pagkakamali.
Naniniwala rin kasi ako na yung paghihiwalay ng
magulang, labas doon yung anak kasi wala namang
ginagawa yung anak, e.”
Jihyo, one of the participants, quietly shared the same
thoughts about how she handled and accepted the
situation. She stated:
“Ang ginawa ko na lang eh parang tinanggap ko na
lang na yun naman na ang nangyari. Di ko na siya
mababago. Di ko naman na mapipilit ang parents ko
dahil may another family naman na and yung part
siguro na ginawa ko is acceptance talaga saka yung
pagiging strong na lang din para ma overcome ko yung
kung ano ang dinala nung experience na yun sakin.”
Some participants talked about how the circumstances
put them to the test. They felt a sense of responsibility
early because of their parent's separation. Nayeon
shared:
“Everything starts from yourself naman, e, so if yung
mindset ko ngayon is parang mature na for my age at
22, tapos lagi nilang sinasabi mindset ko raw parang
26. Through that, I act as someone na mature and
adult talaga na kasi doon na ako namulat at an early
age. Doon na ako nagkaroon ng vague view in life.”
It is almost the same as what RM experienced, where he
had the responsibility early on to provide for his family.
He shared:
“...pero nung goods pa, ako yung ano nagpoprovide
din. Nag working student akong nung senior high ako.
Tapos naisip ko na hindi namin kayang dalawa na,
dalawa kasi kaming magkapatid na parehas na
pinapaaral, so napagtanto ko na hindi namin kaya so
nag decide ako na titigil na lang ako tapos yung
kapatid ko na lang ang mag aaral. Tapos
magtatrabaho na lang ako para makatulong sa
pamumuhay namin ganun.”
Despite everything, some participants shared that their
situation was a way to prove to themselves that they
could live independently. As Jin, one of the
participants, confidently said:
“...ang nasa mindset ko lang non na ano hindi ko naman
kailangan ng kasama yun lang yung coping mechanism
ko na hindi ko sila kailangan. Tapos iniisip ko lang na
lahat kaya kong gawin depende sakin kung gusto ko yun
lang yung coping mechanism ko lagi. Kaya nga ako nag
ano eh! Kumuha ng mga part time job or trabaho para
lang mapatunayan ko na hindi ko
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kailangan ng kasama.”
Another participant, Jungkook, shared his experience
of how, despite his parent's separation, he used the
circumstance as inspiration to achieve his life goals.
As a response, this made him become an independent
person. Jungkook shared:
“Bilang isang kabataan iyong naging hiwalayan ng
parents ko yun yung naging inspirasyon ko eh. Eto
iyong naging inspirasyon ko para may mapatunayan
and lumaking hindi gawin yung same na ginawa nila.
Gaya nga ng sabi ko kanina may mararating ako kahit
hindi ko kasama yung dalawang magulang ko, may
maipapakita ako sa kanila kahit na hindi buo iyong
guide na dapat binibigay ng isang ama at ng isang
ina. nasabi ko eh matutupad lahat ng pangarap ko
actually malapit na nga eh kasi graduating na. Ayun
nga hindi humihingi ng kahit na anong tulong sa
kanilang dalawa until now. Kaya from the word
independent talaga ako. Yun lang ang masasabi ko.”
The other participants' way of handling the situation is
different. Due to their parents' separation, they focused
more on their studies. Jimin, a participant, said that he
focused more on himself and his studies.
“Sumipag ako sa pag-aaral. Kasi siguro before,
sobrang stressed ko kase sa nangyayari. Ang then,
simula nong nawala nga, naka-focus na ako sa kung
ano yung gusto kong gawin kasi parang wala ka ng
masyadong iisipin. Mas iisipin mo nalang kung ano
yung gusto mong mangyari sa sarili mo.”
In line with what J-Hope stated,
“Ahhh, isa sa naging focus ko talaga that time is yung
study ko, sa school ganiyan. Talagang ginalingan kong
mag aral tas sinabayan na din ng kaunting gala.”
There are various circumstances in life that people might
categorize as challenging (Paudyal, 2016). One such
challenging circumstance is the separation of parents.
Being ready, facing it, and engaging with it are wise
actions.
Overcoming Struggles
Witnessing a parental separation can be traumatic at any
age (HelpGuide Organization, n.d.). Struggles in
parental separation can be overcome in any aspect, such
as psychological and social. Psychologically,
Rosè, one of the participants, did not let her parents'
separation stay in her mind. She chose not to entertain
it. As she said:
“Hindi ko siya hinayaan mag-stay sa isip ko kasi hindi
lang naman doon natatapos yung pwedeng problema na
dumaan, e. May mga problema pa na dadaan after
noong paghihiwalay nila. ”
Jisoo, on the other hand, stated that crying was how
she used to feel better about what happened to her
parents.
“Ayon nga po gaya po ng sinabi ko kanina talagang
iniiyak ko lang po siya para po gumaan-gaan iyong
pakiramdam ko kapag po naiisip ko.”
Another participant, Jennie, spoke about how reading
books had shaped her mindset. She stated:
“Siguro po ano that time po kasi doon po ako nahilig
po talaga sa mga books po na motivation al po yun
nga po napulot ko po don yung mindset na meron po
ako ngayon.”
If Jennie got help by reading books, the other
participant, Jihyo, got help from other people’s
perspectives. He said:
“...yung pag open up sa iba, like naka help din na nag
shashare tapos maririnig mo yung side nila na ok lang
yan ganun na hindi naman lahat ng tao maganda yung
family, na may tao talaga na parang hindi naging swerte
sa family ganun. Dun siya naka help.”
Of all the participants, Nayeon had the most heart-
touching experience shared. She talked about how
effective prayer is for her and how it helped her get
through difficulties. She shared:
“Mahirap. No’ng time kasi na nandoon na ako sa point
na parang ayoko na, doon na ako nagkaroon ng view
pa kay God kasi yun yung first time na nag-pray ako.
Sabi ko, God, ayoko na. Kunin mo na ako, ganon. Ayun
yung prayer ko non. But then, ang expect ko kase non sa
Kunin mo na ako, kunin mo na ako is mamatay ako. But
what he did is he saved me. He saved me from all the
burdens, all the hatred, all the anger that I have. ”
Regarding the social aspect, some participants, like
Rose, revealed how her friends supported her with no
harsh judgments as she struggled with parental
separation. As she stated:
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“Sa kaibigan ko that time, high school ako nong
naghiwala y si l a. So, marami kami and sa
pagkakatanda ko, kapag medyo nabibigatan ako, yung
mga kaibigan ko talaga yung nasasabihan ko. Doon
lang sa kanila ako naging open talaga. Naiintindihan
din naman nila yun. Kumbaga wala akong thoughts na
baka i-judge ako. Kapag sila naman yung may
problema, sinasabi rin naman nila sa akin. Kumbaga
parang give and take lang talaga.”
The same goes for Jimin. He also shared how his friends
were there for him and completely understood his
situation.
“Lahat sila naintindihan naman nila kung ano yung
situation ko before. And mostly naman kasi, parang
similar lang naman yung situation namin though sa
kanila hindi broken pero magulo tas ganon din, away-
away. Normal lang sa kanila yung ganon. Sa amin,
parang naintindihan naman nila na ganon talaga yung
sitwasyon ko…”
Despite what happened to his family, another
participant, RM, still treated other people well. RM
stated:
“Sa pakikipagkapwa naman tinitreat ko yung mga tao
na napakahalaga nila na parang kahit anong estado
nila sa buhay deserve po nila na pahalagahan. Kasi
pare parehas lang din naman tayo na tao so kung ano
yung deserve nung isa deserve po ng lahat.”
Compared to RM, Nayeon, another participant, shared
that until now, she still struggles in her social life.
However, as she said, she is doing her best to be
outgoing. This is what she said:
“Hanggang ngayon nags-struggle pa rin ako
pagdating sa social life. But I am trying my best to be
more outgoing person kasi may mga tendency na nag-
i-isolate ako. Hindi ako nagc-chat sa mga friends ko,
ganon. Ina-avoid ko talaga lahat ng way ng
communication. How I deal with it is parang be more
outgoing, na balance lang. If I need isolation, sige give
it to myself but then, dont overdue isolation kasi hindi
rin siya healthy. Tapos, I make time na kahit call,
through call, through ganitong meeting with my friends,
ginagawa ko para ma-practice yung social skills ko.”
Jungkook, another participant, expressed a very
inspiring experience about overcoming his social
difficulties. He behaved in a way that made other people
feel like members of his own family.
“Like from I said earlier di ba sabi ko naiinggit ako sa
kanila ganun kasi kumpleto iyong family nila. Ang
ginawa ko iyong family nila tinuturing ko na ding
pamilya which is ganun din ang turing sa akin ng mga
pamilya nila. So, feeling ko sila na rin iyong nanay ko,
sila na rin yung tatay ko. And sabi ko ayun dun ko
nacope up na kahit hindi mo pala kadugo pwede mong
maging magulang. ”
Each participant has a unique approach to dealing with
struggles associated with parental separation. The
positive side to this is that dealing with life's struggles
frequently necessitates collaboration with others or, at
the very least, enlisting their support (Ware, n.d.).
Modification of Developed Behaviors Towards
Loved Ones
Giving up hatred and ideas of vengeance is necessary
for forgiving people (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2020).
Forgiveness is one of the coping mechanisms used by
some of the participants. Nayeon, one of the
participants, shared her experience about how she was
able to forgive her father. Nayeon stated:
“Yung binago ko is forgiving talaga, like hindi ko
naman kasi siya makakausap kung hindi ko siya
pinatawad. Hindi rin naman kami magkakaroon ng
maayos na relationship ngayon kung hindi ko siya
finorgive. Ayun, like, it’s still in the process of building
the bond na ini-expect niya kasi hindi ko pa kayang
ibigay yun sa kanya. So, I'm still putting myself in the
process, e, so ayun, just forgive and one step at a time.”
Jungkook, another participant, also shared his
experience of modifying his behaviors toward his
parents. He stated:
“...this time ano parang ni lugar ko iyong ugali ko
base sa sitwasyon ko ngayon and sa edad ko parang
mas tiningnan ko iyong utang na loob sa kanila. Kasi
kung wala sila wala rin ako dito. Kasi kahit malaki yung
pagkakamali nung parents ko sa sarili ko hindi pa din
maaalis iyong pagmamahal, respeto, tsaka utang na
loob talaga. Kaya sabi ko eh magbalik loob, ibalik ang
nararapat na para sa kanila kasi kahit bali- baliktarin
mo ang mundo parents ko pa din sila at hindi na
magbabago iyon.”
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The same goes with J-Hope, who quite shared the same
response. Like Jungkook, he still chose to show respect
to both of his parents despite being separated.
“Ahhh mas ipinapakita ko na respectful ako sa kanila,
ipinapakita ko na okay kahit hindi naman okay.
Ipinapakita ko na lang sa kanila na at some point
mabuti pa din akong anak sa kanila.”
Another participant, Jennie, expressed herself as
someone who is trying to be more understanding since,
according to her, her parents were still trying to be better
despite being separated.
“Ahm… ano po I’ll try to understand them more po
tapos yung mga ginagawa nila sa akin tinatanggap ko
na lang din po willingly since nag eeffort naman po
silang maging better.”
To continue, the participants variously shared their
experiences with their relatives. Jungkook shared that
now that he is already at the right age, he is getting more
open to discussing his parents' separation from his
relatives. He believes he will know the reason behind
his parents' separation through his relatives.
“Sa kamag-anak naman, siguro dahil nga tumatanda na
din ako mas nagiging open na ako sa kanila kumpara
sa sinabi ko kanina na nung medyo bata-bata pa ako
ayokong pag usapan iyong mga ganung bagay kasama
sila kasi parang ang unusual and awkward. Etong na sa
tamang edad na ako, this time na siguro yung matanong
ko pa sila, mas maging malapit pa iyong loob ko sa
kanila kasi kahit papaano may alam iyong mga kamag-
anak ko sa hiwalayan ng magulang ko and ayaw lang
nila sabihin sa akin nung time na iyon. ”
Aside from Jungkook, Nayeon, another participant,
shared how to stand up when expressing an opinion to
her relatives, especially when she knows she is right.
Nayeon stated:
“Tapos ayun, pagdating naman sa kamag-anak, kapag
may certain view or point of view kasi gaya ng
sinasabi ko kanina na nahihirapan ako makipag-
communicate sa kanila when it comes to my opinion so
kapag may nakikita akong mali talaga na alam kong
mali, sinasabi ko talaga sa kanila na okay lang magalit
sila basta I’m telling them what is not right. Kung hindi
ko yun sinabi, baka hindi magkaroon ng changes, diba?
So ayun.”
When it comes to friends, most participants expressed
how happy they are with their friends. According to
Jungkook, one of the participants excitedly shared how
he and his friends are on good terms, especially now that
they are becoming more mature when it comes to things.
“...Siguro this time mas umokay, mas good yung
relationship namin ng mga kaibigan ko kasi like what i
said na sa tamang edad na rin kami parang mas
nakikita na namin yung mga kahalagahan ng bawat
bagay specially family and also syempre alam naman
na namin yung mga tama at mali at yung mga bagay
na dapat gawin sa hindi.”
Another participant, Jin, talked about how willing he is
to spare time, especially for his friends who are in the
same situation.
“Ang ginagawa ko ako naman nakikinig sa kanila para
kung maranasan nila yung nararanasan ko atelast may
kaagapay sila nandito ako para sa kanila. Kasi kung
ibang tao yon tapos mahina yung loob mo feeling ko
maliligaw sila ng landas kung wala silang gabay. Ayoko
non kaya nandito ako para sa kanila.”
Moreover, Nayeon, one of the participants, also shared
that she wants her friends to feel love, gratitude, and
care as much as she can. She stated:
“So, parang I'm putting myself in a position na do
whatever you can to show the love to everyone na hindi
lang siya limited. As much as I can, kung may naiisip
man akong way to show love, gratitude, and care to
them, binibigay ko yun sa kanila.”
Most participants in this study revealed that they have
significant others. Some of them shared that after
witnessing how their significant other gets angry, he
changed and became better. J-Hope shared:
“Kasi dati mainitin ang ulo ko talaga kahit walang
reason at all naiinis ako sa kanya. Nabago lang yun one
time nung na galit na siya. Kasi cm beses lang siya
na galit kaya medyo natakot ako. After nung situation
na yun mas naging romantic ako ganun, like kung ano
yung ginagawa ko sa friends ko ginagawa ko din sa
kaniya everytime na magmi meetup kami. Minsan ako
yung gumagastos para lang mabawi ko yung mga
wrong doings ko sa kanya.”
RM, one of the participants, talked deeply about the
importance of respect in a relationship. He said:
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“...sa karelasyon kailangan nating respetuhin ang
partner natin. 'Wag natin siyang pilitin sa kung anong
ayaw or gusto niya dapat ano bigyan natin siya ng
kalayaan. Hindi yung puro pansarili lang natin ang
iniisip kailangan hindi tayo bias.”
Another participant, Nayeon, still shared her thoughts
about having a relationship even though she did not
have a significant other. Nayeon stated:
“Hindi ko pa rin kasi masabi kasi parang nandoon pa
ako sa position, like, actually, kahapon lang, kakaisip
ko lang about sa relationship. Parang hindi pa talaga
ako ready. So, siguro ang positive lang talaga na
masasabi ko is waiting for the right man na alam mo
yun, tatanggapin yung lahat ng traumas ko kasi
syempre as a partner, you have to accept and respect all
the traumas that the other person has, na hindi mo
dapat ini-invalid yun kasi hindi yun mawawala sa isang
tao na porket ilang years na ang nakalipas, hindi yun
mawawala agad sa isang tao. For my future partner, he
has to respect and validate all the traumas that I had.”
When faced with difficult situations, being surrounded
by people with whom one can share both positive and
negative moments can also help one control their levels
of stress and anxiety (RAQ, n.d.). The majority of the
participants' relationships with their loved ones had a
significant impact on their well-being.
Essence of Optimism
Challenging times inevitably occur. However,
individuals can take action to mitigate them a little
(Wardleigh, 2019). Most participants expressed and
shared how optimistic they were despite the situation.
Jungkook, one of the participants, shows his optimism
by accepting the situation wholeheartedly. Jungkook
said:
“Iyong mapabuti ang sitwasyon isa lang ang ginawa ko
eh yun yung tanggapin ang katotohanan. Na yung
pangarap ko na buong pamilya hinding hindi na siya
babalik sa dati like sobrang labong mangyari ulit. Alam
mo yun para ma cope up ko yung ganung feeling mas
tinanggap ko na forever na akong ganito. ”
Also, Jihyo, another participant, expressed the same
thoughts.
“Yun nga, yung nabanggit ko din kanina is yung
acceptance talaga. Yun yung parang key factor para
gumaan ang situation kasi kung parang titignan mo
lang siya as negative, mag fofocus ka lang sa negative
na nangyari or negative na naganap related dun.
Parang di mo kasi maaappreciate yung mga good
things na nangyari saka di mo marealize na may good
things naman palang nangyari sakin ganun saka
marami kang mamimiss na opportunity kapag
talagang magbase ka lang sa nangyaring yun eh.”
Moreover, the optimism one participant, Jin, shows is
quite impressive. Instead of being sad or depressed
because of the situation, he took it as his opportunity
to learn other skills. He shared:
“Ah… ano una natutuo ano ng mga skills na ano
kinakailangan para mabuhay ka. Kunwari diba yung
tatay mo nagtatrabaho para sayo sila yung nag iisip
kung ano yung mga gagawin sa bahay. Nag aral ako
ng mga tech vocational skills kaya lahat ng skills
natutunan ko kaya ko matutunan dumiskarte
nakakapag isip ako ng maayos kung sakaling
magkaroon ng problema.”
Kwangsoo, another participant, talked about how he
eased the situation by being generous and a loving
eldest brother to his siblings. He shared:
“Ginagawa ko para mapagaan parang ano yung mga
kailangan ng mga kapatid ko attention, paghahatid
sundo, bumibili ng mga kailangan nila yung mga
sakripisyo ko kasi nga ano kumukuha ako ng pera dahil
sa scholarship ko ganun binibili ko ng mga kailangan
namin dito. Ayun kapag nagkakapera ako ng maliit
binibili ko ng pagkain namin ayun kapag nagkakapera
ako pinapaayos ko yung bahay namin. Tapos ayun
inaano na magbond kami ganon para kahit broken
family kami mafeel nila na normal kami parang kapag
may kailangan kayo sabihin niyo nalang sa akin
ganyan.”
It is also somewhat similar to how J-Hope made light of
the situation. He made his siblings feel their connection
was still not lost by visiting both sides.
“Napapagaan ko na lang yun kapag dumadalaw kami
sa kanila in both parties. Ipinapakita ko and my other
siblings na ah kumbaga connected pa din kami sa kanila
kahit separate na ganun. Dalaw, and konting kain sa
labas.”
In challenging situations, having faith can help
individuals experience calmness in God's presence
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(GCU, 2021). As an effect, it is not surprising that this
is one of Nayeon's most effective strategies. one of the
participants eased the situation. She shared:
“Just obeying to God kasi nga its the first time that I
prayed nga na doon ko talaga naramdaman na may
hope yung family. So, hindi ko talaga siya kaya kung
iisipin ko sarili ko lang as my own capabilities, hindi ko
talaga siya kaya. Siguro kung hindi ako sinave ni God,
baka hindi ko pa naf-forgive yung family ko ngayon,
baka nandoon pa rin yung anger at hatred. So, ayun,
just obey God kasi God will give a lot of visions and a
way of communicating to you na parang doon niya
sasagutin lahat ng struggles mo. Yung mga ganong
moments na parang ask God, seek, tapos ayun, just obey
what he says basta alam mo na si God yun.”
Lessons Learned from the Situation
In life, people experience challenges and downfalls.
Difficulties and setbacks push them down, and they
occasionally experience demotivation and depression.
The truth is that those situations help them grow and
impart important life lessons (Patil, 2018). Jungkook,
one of the participants and one of those who will prove
that his parents' separation is why he is as strong as a
person today. He shared:
“Yung lesson para sa akin na nakuha ko sa hiwalayan
ng magulang ko is "You should learn how to be
independent and you should learn how to stand on
your own". Yun yung natutunan ko na until now
pinanghahawakan ko and inaapply ko sa sarili ko. Kasi
kung hindi rin naghiwalay ang parents ko hindi ako
magiging independent ng ganito, hindi ko gagawin
yung mga bagay na like work, gigs, yung mga bagay na
nakapag support sa akin in terms of financialing.
Through this mas naging strong ako kasi walang ibang
taong magpapalakas sa akin talaga kung hindi sarili ko
lang.”
In line with Jungkook's response, Jihyo, another
participant, also shared how he learned to stand on his
own and became strong as a person. Because of his
parent's separation, he also shared that he has become
sensitive to the feelings of the people around him. He
stated:
“Ang pinakanatutunan ko siguro, pagiging strong saka
pagiging yung maging ano ka sa sarili mo kasi wala
kang malalapitan eh. Pag times na wala ka namang ano
kasi meron ding time na sabi ako nang sabi sa mga
kaibigan ko tapos parang feeling ko na
dradrain ko na sila kaya talagang kailangan mo ring
ibuild yung sarili mo ng ikaw lang eh kasi kung
magbase ka lang sa kanila, parang ma stress mo na sila.
Walang mangyayari. Paano kapag naubos na rin sila?
Wala ka na malalapitan.”
Jisoo, another participant, talked about entering a
relationship. She learned that those things should not
be rushed, so there are no regrets. As she said,
“Ano po na hindi po dapat tayo nagmamadali sa mga
ganung bagay-bagay kasi po nung nakabuo po sila,
bata pa po sila kaya parang naiisip po nila na kaya
ganito po iyong daddy ko kasi feel niya kinuha sa kanya
iyong kabataan niya. Kumbaga hindi po dapat
minamadali iyong ganyang bagay para wala po tayong
pagsisisi sa huli.”
Similar to the participant's response, V. He points out
the importance of being sure, especially when
choosing a partner before committing to a relationship.
V stated:
“Ayun nga po, ano... yung about po sa family kasi
once na pinasok mo po yun, dapat sure na sure ka po
talaga sa magiging partner mo. Kasi pangit po yung
magiging kakalabasan, e, sa magiging anak. Marami
pong pangit na mangyayari. Nandoon na po yung
bullying, ganon. Kaya mas mabuti pong goods po yung
magiging partner mo. Ayun po.”
To proceed, J-Hope, one of the participants, shared
two important lessons he learned from his parent's
separation. First, he shared:
“Never make decisions when anger is raging inside
you.”
He added:
“...kapag masyado ng problematic ang dalawang tao
mas naiisip ko ng maghiwalay na lang sila kasi mas
napapabuti nila yung situation nilang dalawa as peace
of mind para na din dun sa ibang tao na included sa
kanila. Yun lang.”
J-Hope's second lesson is somewhat related to what
Sana, another participant, learned. She thinks some
situations should not be forced to work out for the
best. Sana shared:
“Hmmmm ang natutunan ko sa kanila somehow is na
may mga bagay talaga na hindi na ipinipilit pa. Kasi
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nung nagkita kami na tatay ko sinasabi niya po sa akin
na gusto niya makipagbalikan sa mama ko then sinabi
ko naman pero sabi ng mama ko ayaw na niya. So, ako
naman nirerespeto ko ang gusto ng mama ko. Kaya
natutunan ko na huwag ng ipilit ang matagal ng tapos
na. Kasi yung mama ko naka move on na, hindi na
niya iniisip iyong silang dalawa ang iniisip niya na lang
yung ikabubuti namin.”
Other participants, like Nayeon, shared how important
it is to forgive and accept the situation. Nayeon said,
“Marami kasi pero ang main lesson is forgive talaga.
Like, oo, nandoon yung term na forgive and forget, but
you can’t forget, e, so you have to forgive and accept.
Forgive and accept what happened. Forgive to the other
person kasi God will forgive them if you forgive the
other person. Ganon yun. If you forgive them, God will
forgive din, and they will set free din. So, ayun lang
talaga. Just lean to God kasi hindi ko talaga siya kaya
na ako lang.”
Rose, another participant, also shared the excellent
insights she learned from her parent's separation. These
are the insights she shared:
“So ayun, pinakanatutunan ko, e una, dapat sure mo
na may tiwala ka sa relasyon niyo. Magtiwala ka at
magpatawad ka lang kasi masasaktan at masasaktan
natin yung isat isa lalo na kapag ano… nasa relasyon
ka na. So, ayun, una, dapat Christ-centered, tiwala, and
pagpapatawad. Ayun.”
Participants would only be as intelligent, experienced,
and appreciative of others if they had been humbled or
encountered challenges, criticism, and failure.
Therefore, as people develop through challenging
situations, they pick up countless lessons (Patil, 2018).
Discussion
This study emphasized the fascinating aspects of being
a product of parental separation, which are rarely
studied and rarely emphasize the attitudes that young
adults exhibit. Conclusions derived from the study's
findings are the following: (1) Young adults
experienced more disadvantages from parental
separation than advantages. Most participants battled
mainly with longing for parental support, early
childhood responsibility, and delinquency. (2) Young
adults displayed various attitudes regarding affect,
mainly sadness, perplexity, anger, fear, frustration, and
envy. Some of them displayed inappropriate behaviors
towards social relationships, such as avoidant,
apathetic, disrespectful, and violent behaviors. (3)
Most young adults, primarily males, coped mostly
through acceptance and forgiveness, social support,
positive changes, optimism, and lessons from the
situation.
It is recommended that people surrounding the young
adults, like their relatives, teachers, and friends,
establish healthy interactions that foster a sense of
belonging and significance and assure emotional,
physical, and identity safety by providing a supportive
environment. Quality parenting includes giving each
child one-on-one time, acknowledging their strengths,
reinforcing positive behaviors, listening without
judgment, accepting conflicting emotions, reflecting
understanding, connecting words to emotional
responses, allowing silence, and giving children space
to be passive. These will improve parent-child
connections.
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