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Abstract
Objectives: Self-love has been conceptualized and studied in both the broader constructs
of narcissism, as a negative trait referring to excessive self-focus, and self-compassion, as a
positive trait pertaining to self-affirmations. Little is known about the lived experience of and
attitudes towards self-love in young adults, for whom self-compassion is a known resilience
factor against psychological difficulties. The present study aimed to explore young adults’
attitudes towards self-love.
Methods: Eight participants (4 males and 4 females; age range 19-35; 3 Black, 2 White, 3
Indian) were recruited through convenience sampling methods on Facebook and interviewed
via Zoom using a semi-structured interview schedule. Thematic analysis was used to analyse
the data.
Results: Three overarching themes were found: Self-love is insight; External and internal
factors of self-love; Self-love links to resilience. The data suggested that young adults view
self-love from a positive perspective, stating that it leads to increased resilience towards
developing strong negative reactions from traumatic experiences, which thus aided in the
prevention of depression or anxiety. Cultural norms and beliefs were barriers to self-love, such
as how able one feels to express emotions, or by influencing how one feels about aspects of
their identity.
Discussion: The findings suggest that young adults may view self-love as an important aspect
of resilience through cognitive, affective and social processes. Internalized cultural norms may
influence the development of self-love in individuals.
Conclusions: Cultural factors and internalized norms warrant further investigation, such as
how they may positively or negatively influence self-love and coping strategies.
Keywords: Self-love; Self-compassion; Resilience; Self-stigma; Positive Psychology
European Journal of Applied Positive Psychology
Vol 6, Article 10, 2022
ISSN 2397-7116
www.nationalwellbeingservice.com/journals
Self-love is to break boundaries: Young adults’
views of self-love in Johannesburg –
A thematic analysis study
Maushmi Patel1, Dr Alastair Pipkin2
RESEARCH PAPER
Corresponding author
Dr Alastair Pipkin, Senior Clinical Psychologist,
Berrywood Hospital, Duston, Northamptonshire, NN5
6UD, UK email: alastair.pipkin@nhft.nhs.uk
Affiliations
¹ Arden University, Arden House, Middlemarch Park, Coventry
CV3 4FJ, UK
² Senior Clinical Psychologist, Berrywood Hospital,
Duston, Northamptonshire, NN5 6UD,, UK
Copyright
© National Wellbeing Service Ltd
Processing dates
Submitted 10.10.21; Resubmitted 23.01.22, Accepted 08.02.22;
Published ???
New paper statement
This paper has not been published elsewhere and is not under
consideration in any other publication.
Ethical approval
The research involved human participants and received full ethical
approval from a University Ethics Board. All participants provided
full informed consent and had the right to withdraw, and steps
have been taken to ensure their anonymity. No deception was used
throughout the conduct of the study and no concerns regarding
adverse events or harm were identified nor raised.
Data availability statement
Due to being qualitative in nature, data is not available to protect
the anonymity of the participants. Supplementary materials are
available upon request from the corresponding author.
Funding
None
Declaration of conflicting
interests
None
Acknowledgments
None
INTRODUCTION
Modern trends in psychotherapy theory
and research focus on concepts such as
self-acceptance and self-compassion as
moderators of positive psychological
well-being (Bernard, 2013). Self-
acceptance has been defined as having
an unconditional regard for oneself
and one’s emotions, values and overall
self-concept (Vasile, 2013), while self-
compassion has been defined as one’s
capacity to treat oneself with kindness
and nurturance (Gilbert & Irons,
2005). A key underlying process within
self-acceptance and self-compassion has
been identified as having a nurturing,
loving relationship with oneself, known
as self-love (Neff & Germer, 2017).
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However, self-love is defined as both the “regard for and interest
in one’s own being or contentment”, and “excessive self-regard, or
a narcissistic attitude toward one’s body, abilities or personality”
(American Psychological Association, 2020), suggesting a
paradox in the conceptualisation and study of self-love. Theorists
have long proposed that individuals’ perception of their worth
may be conditioned towards basing self-worth on the extent to
which they view themselves as held in high or low esteem by
others, rather than a more global and stable appraisal as the self
as acceptable or worthy of compassion (Cooley, 1902; Flett et
al., 2003). Recent research in the field has suggested that self-
love may have been erroneously associated with narcissism (Neff
& Germer, 2017) and that this may be better conceptualised as
a maladaptive over-focus on the self rather than self-love per se
(Vasile, 2013). This may have influenced attitudes towards self-
love for both the general public and researchers, though there is
a noted shift towards self-affirming and self-love narratives with
the increase in social media usage in young adults (e.g. Phelps-
Ward & Laura, 2016). Therefore, the study of self-love may
enable elucidation of the cognitive, affective and behavioural
components underlying self-love, as a shared component of
both self-acceptance and self-compassion, which would inform
theoretical and clinical developments in improving resilience to
adversity. The present study aims to explore how young adults
in South Africa view and experience self-love and its possible
relationship with resilience to emotional difficulties, with the aim
of adding to the emergent literature viewing self-love as a positive
psychological concept and to inform therapeutic conversations in
line with how self-love may be conceptualised by this population.
Defining Self-Love
A wealth of research has considered self-love in the context of
narcissism, such as viewing it as a negative over-investment in
the self and/or driving narcissistic patterns of relating to others
(see Cichocka et al., 2015; Cichocka et al., 2017; He & Zhu,
2016; Jung & Chang, 2021; Peterson & Dehart, 2014; Pooley &
Cohen, 2010; Rohmann et al., 2011). The majority of studies of
self-love have focused it being a facet of narcissism in the context
of romantic relationships, such as finding that higher levels of
self-love may be associated with increased conflict behaviours
(Peterson & Dehart, 2014) and lower levels of investment in
relationships (Rohmann, et al, 2011). On the contrary, positive
psychological research has recently begun to consider self-love
as a component of self-compassion, which is defined as “a basic
kindness, with a deep awareness of the suffering of oneself and of
other living things, coupled with the wish and effort to relieve it”
(Gilbert, 2009, p.13). The study and practice of self-compassion,
predominantly via Compassion-Focussed Therapy (Gilbert &
Irons, 2005), concerns itself with increasing the extent to which an
individual hold an affirmative, caring and nurturing relationship
with oneself, having a sense of shared humanity and being
able to decentre from negative thoughts or feelings, essentially
turning love and care inwards (Gilbert, 2014). A growing body
of research suggests that higher levels of self-compassion result in
more positive psychological outcomes such as self-efficacy (Liao,
Stead & Liao, 2021) well-being and better mental health (Zessin
et al., 2015, including depression and eating behaviours (Ferrari
et al., 2019), suggesting that therapeutic interventions aimed
at fostering a self-loving relationship are effective at improving
well-being. While self-compassion as an over-arching concept has
been examined by a range of quantitative and qualitative studies,
very little research has explored the experience of and attitudes
towards self-love as a key component of self-compassion (Neff
& Germer, 2017). This may be important given that holding
negative beliefs about self-compassion and self-love have been
identified as barriers to developing self-compassion (Chwyl,
Chen & Zaki, 2021). Better understanding the acceptability
and lived experience of self-love will therefore enable further
theoretical and clinical knowledge of this field, given its overlap
with two strands of modern therapeutic practice (Bernard, 2013).
A more recent theoretical framework proposed by Wong
and colleagues (2019) suggests that self-stigma – internalised
negative beliefs about a facet of identity, such as gender,
sexuality or culture in light of stigma and/or adverse experiences
– may be alleviated by self-compassion. They suggest that
self-compassion may alleviate self-stigma through cognitive
(e.g. positive self-affirmations), social (e.g. a sense of social
connection) and affective (e.g. positive emotion regulation skills,
such as acceptance) processes to reduce the impact of adverse
experiences and reduce the extent to which negative societal
messages are internalised. Examining attitudes towards and the
lived experience of self-love may expand this conceptualisation of
the cognitive, affective and social processes bolstering the impact
of negative societal messages and adverse experiences.
Resilience and Well-being
Research has found that self-compassion moderates the impact
of discriminatory experiences on subsequent internalised stigma
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and subjective well-being, thus bolstering resilience – defined as
the ability to ‘bounce back’ from or adapt in the face of stress
(Luthar, Cicchetti & Becker, 2000) – adverse life experiences (e.g.
Vigna et al., 2018). Research has linked higher levels of resilience
to better coping and less mental health difficulties (Campbell-
Sills, Cohan & Stein, 2006), and lower rates of depression and
post-traumatic reactions following childhood trauma (Wingo et
al., 2010). The development of a positive and coherent identity
is a central developmental task usually occurring around young
adulthood, during which the internalisation of societal and cultural
norms are occurring (Cavanaugh & Blanchard-Fields, 2015).
Recent research suggests that higher levels of resilience in young
adulthood is associated with better coping and improved mental
health, suggesting that it is an important psychological outcome for
young adults as they navigate stress and identity development (Afek
et al., 2021). Further studies have found that higher levels of self-
compassion are associated with higher levels of resilience in young
adults (Neff & Germer, 2009), and interventions for resilience
broadly focus on fostering mindfulness skills (Joyce et al., 2018) – a
core component of self-compassion interventions. However, some
research suggests that young adults may have lower levels of resilience
compared to older adults (Gooding et al., 2011). There may
therefore be challenges to developing resilience for this age group
with particular developmental importance for future mental health
outcomes, and prior research has implicated self-compassion as a
potentially facilitative factor. No research to the authors’ knowledge
has considered self-love and resilience, as a possible over-arching
concept between self-acceptance and self-compassion. The present
study is therefore interested in better understanding self-love as an
over-arching concept likely underpinning self-compassion and self-
acceptance, and what link it may have to resilience as an important
contributor to positive functioning and improved mental health.
The study aims to hear from young adults themselves regarding
self-love and its possible benefits or drawbacks to further theoretical
understandings given conceptual differences in prior research. It aims
to better elucidate the lived experience and opinions of self-love and
resilience, and explore young adults’ perspectives on if, and how, they
may be linked.
Thus, the following study aims to answer the following
research questions:
1. What do young adults think about self-love and resilience?
2. How do young adults experience self-love?
3. Do young adults feel that self-love benefits their resilience,
if so how?
As the present study was interested in the lived experience of a
dynamic concept, qualitative enquiry was implicated. The study
is the first exploration of the lived experience of self-love to the
authors’ knowledge and focuses specifically on young adults aged
between 18-35 in South Africa. It aims to inform the theoretical
understanding of self-love as a concept by foregrounding the
views of young adults, which will enable further study of self-love
as a factor in well-being and resilience.
METHODOLOGY
Design
The study used a cross-sectional, qualitative design, taking
a critical realist epistemological perspective (Wiltshire &
Ronkainen, 2021) and utilising thematic analysis (Braun &
Clarke, 2006). As such, the researchers take the view that a reality
exists ‘out there’ which can be observed, however the researchers’
perspectives and positions are acknowledged as influencing the
analytical process and subsequent interpretations made. Steps
were taken throughout to acknowledge and limit such biases.
Participants
A convenience sampling approach was taken using online
recruitment. An advert was posted to local Facebook groups. The
inclusion criteria were anyone aged 18-35 living in Johannesburg
who was able to provide informed consent, speak English and
was willing to take part in an interview. There were no explicit
exclusion criteria. A total of 10 participants reached out within
the two-month recruitment window, one of these was unable to
take part due to other commitments, one was conducted as a
pilot interview to develop the interview schedule, and eight were
included in the final study. Demographic details are presented in
the Results section.
Procedure
Seven interview questions and follow-up probing questions were
drafted and considered with the pilot interviewee. Broadly, the
interview schedule covered open questions, e.g. “what do you
think about self-love?”, “can you tell me about an experience you
have had with self-love?”. It was used in a semi-structured fashion
and largely followed participants’ leads with the use of prompting
questions.
Potential participants who responded to the online advert were
given the information sheet and consent form. After this form was
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returned and consent was given the participants were contacted.
Once contacted they provided their demographic information
and their availability for being interviewed was also discussed.
Due to COVID-19 restrictions all interviews were conducted via
Zoom and audio recorded with the participants’ consent. After
the interview was over, the participants were debriefed about the
study and extra resources were provided to them if had they wished
to know more about the topic of study or needed to consult a
professional well-being counsellor. They were given a participant
identification number to ensure anonymity and enable them the
right to withdraw prior to their recording being deleted.
Analysis
The interviews were transcribed verbatim. Thematic Analysis
(Braun & Clarke, 2006) was used to analyse the data. The six stages
of thematic analysis were followed with additional consideration
for Nowell and colleagues’ (2017) trustworthiness criteria. The
first author conducted the interviews and kept reflective diaries
throughout the interviewing and analytical processes to support
objectivity. Biases and assumptions were identified and discussed
throughout at regular meetings with the research team.
First the data was familiarized with; the first author read
each transcript twice in full and documented their personal
and professional resonances and reactions to the data, forming
auditable reflexive comments and initial interpretations.
Thereafter the data was checked and then re-checked. Line-by-
line coding was the second step, where codes are given to every
statement made by the participants. The first author issued all of
the codes, of which 40% were co-coded by the second author,
following which consensus was made. The final entire list of
codes were discussed and agreed upon at a meeting. After the
coding was completed, the codes were organised into initial
themes for each transcript. The initial thematic structure for
each transcript was discussed and agreed upon by both authors.
The main themes across the transcripts are then identified, such
as grouping similar themes or meanings together. This stage was
re-iterative, with constant revisiting of the original data to ensure
the original meanings were fed through into the final themes,
and peer debriefing to discuss on-going draft thematic structures.
Both authors then agreed the final thematic structure.
Ethics
This research study has been cleared by a University Ethics
Board. All the participants were above the ages of eighteen and
thus were consenting adults. No concerns were raised during or
following any of the interviews, and all participants were given
details of local mental health charities and counselling agencies.
RESULTS
The results will be presented in line with the research questions.
Quotes are presented verbatim.
Demographics
Demographic information for the final sample of eight are
presented in Table 1.
Table 1:
Summary of Demographic Information of Participants
Participant number Gender Race Religion Age
1 Male Indian Hindu 20
2 Male Black Christian 28
3 Female Indian Muslim 32
4 Male White Atheist 29
5 Female Indian Hindu 28
6 Male White Jewish 24
7 Female Black Christian 35
8 Female Asian Buddhist 19
The final thematic structure is summarised in Table 2.
Self-love is insight
This theme encapsulated each participants’ views and thoughts
of self-love, which seemed to suggest that self-love meant having
insight. Participants described that self-love related to their ability
and awareness of gaining a deep and accurate understanding into
themselves, being true to themselves, and representing a positive
relationship that they had with themselves.
“I guess self-love is knowing thyself, you know.” Participant 7
“I think self-love is achieved in young adults through having more
insight. You know who you are, what your capabilities are. You don’t
need validation from others. And I guess you understand your role in
life better, what goals you want to achieve. And so, your own goals
and your own expectations of yourself are not influenced by what
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other negative people say you should be doing or achieving. You have
the insight and understanding of yourself and life.” Participant 5
The data suggested a stepwise process. Participants expressed
how their thoughts, opinions, and life experiences led them
to having more insight into themselves. This increased insight
allowed participants to embrace various parts of themselves (some
of which were newly discovered parts and some of which were
previously disliked parts). This then increased their feelings and
behaviours of self-love.
“Definitely, self-love can be found in the emotional aspects of self.
Like the thoughts you have and if those are negative where you have
strong feelings of hate for yourself, feeling worthless, then self-love
would be very important, I think, to change this into something more
positive. Like if you know and are aware of yourself through self-love
you can bring yourself to accept your weaknesses, work on it if you
really want to, and move forward happily. I’ll give you an example.
If you didn’t like how much you weighed before, but now you know
that that doesn’t define you and you are much more than that. You
accept that weight and change it into something positive for yourself
Themes and Sub-themes Example quote
1. Self-love is insight “I think self-love is achieved in young adults through having more insight. You
know who you are, what your capabilities are. You don’t need validation from
others. And I guess you understand your role in life better, what goals you want
to achieve. And so, your own goals and your own expectations of yourself are
not influenced by what other negative people are saying you should be doing
or achieving. You have the insight and understanding of yourself and life.”
2. Factors contributing to
self-love
“Self-love needs to be practiced, but can come naturally to some people, based
on personality, upbringing, environment, self-care, a good relationship or
connection with self, and personal life experiences.”
2.1 Internal factors of self-love “Genetics also involved in influence. Depending on the person determines how
susceptible you are to negativity. So, you as a person can determine how good
your self-love is.”
2.2 External factors of self-love “Self-love is everything about yourself basically. Like providing care to yourself.
So, if you feel good playing sports and that is what defines you and gives you a
sense of happiness then you participate in sports. Like physically if you want to
groom yourself, as well, then that’s the care that you are placing in yourself to
look after yourself. Even exercise and eating healthy.”
3. Self-love links to resilience “So, self-love is having more introspective into yourself, and if you like have
more introspective that would allow you to overcome or be resilient towards
depression or anxiety.”
“If people had more self-love, they would be more confident. It would help
them overcome and become resilient to fears or PTSD.
Table 2:
Summary of Themes Found from Young Adults’ Views of Self-love and Resilience
PATEL AND PIPKIN
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or you decide to take care of yourself better by going for more walks.”
Participant 4
Participants further explained how the insight that came from
self-love allowed for growth of self and personality, over time.
“Being able to grow is part of life. Having insight means you are
aware of your faults, right? You cannot grow if you do not correct your
faults. If you don’t correct your faults it cannot be considered as true
self love.” Participant 1
“I put love, care, effort into growing my personality above all
else. By doing this I get so much more insight into myself and
understanding who I truly am. That is what I think having true
self-love means.” Participant 2
The findings within this theme also included unique life experiences
and individual feelings and thoughts of self-love that had led to
the development of insight into self. Participant 3 described strong
feelings and thoughts of embracing their femininity. They described
their life journey as a discovery of their feminine side, insight into
their feminine side, and then a love for their feminine side.
“My life experience of self-love came from discovering and
understanding that I am a female. Self-love has given me insight into
my own thoughts as a female and feelings about being female. It has
given me a good understanding of myself and that I love being girly!
I love wearing dresses, painting my nails, and treating myself to a spa!
You know, self-care myself. I came to the realisation that embracing
my femininity is a way of self-acceptance which is self-love.”
Overall, participants described self-love as stemming from an
increasing positive sense of self-awareness. They were of the
view that particular experiences can help increasing insight into
oneself, which is a platform for having positive affirmations for
the various parts of themselves.
Factors contributing to self-love
The data suggested that self-love is caused by a variety of factors.
Participants suggested that these factors need to have a lot of
practice and care put into them in order to maintain self-love.
“So, after discovering what self-love means to you that then
definitely leads into journey of practice too. Self-love is a continuous
thing that you need to do to yourself. Because no one else is going to
self-love you. For the simple fact where I said self-love is about eating
healthy food, exercise, and dressing nicely. That’s a practice. If I don’t
eat fruits regularly then that’s not going to help. I need to make sure
I eat fruits regularly.” Participant 5
These factors contributing to self-love have been split into two
sub-themes of external and internal factors.
Internal factors of self-love
This sub-theme highlighted all the factors that exists, internally,
within the participants that contributed to self-love. These factors
included a person’s personality, emotional, mental, and spiritual
self. For instance: participants 1, 2, and 4 stated that self-love
could be developed differently depending from person-to-person
based on genetics, personality, and life experiences. Moreover, that
personality could determine how easy or difficult it may be for a
person to attain self-love.
“Genetics also involved in influence. Depending on the person
determines how susceptible you are to negativity. So, you as a person
can determine how good your self-love is.” Participant 4
“My personality 100% contributes to my self-love. I feel like
wherever I go I make people happy; I can always make jokes and
lighten up people’s mood. And I enjoy making people laugh, it makes
me happy, give me a good sense of being, and it makes me feel good
about myself.” Participant 1
Another internal factor mentioned by the participants was
that their emotions affected their mental health and that this
determined their capacity for self-love:
“Okay, I think toxic masculinity can crush self-love by not
allowing men to express themselves better, emotionally. And by not
allowing men to express their emotions will just cause things to start
to build up within themselves, from bottling so much emotions. This
can then cause men to have serious mental health problems like
depression or social anxiety.” Participant 6
Societal narratives and expectations, such as gender-related
pressures or norms, could influence their self-love indirectly
via their emotions. Participants 2, 3, 5, 7 and 8 spoke about
spirituality in terms of the role that praying, yoga, and meditation
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had in creating an inner feeling or sense of serenity and balance
within their daily lives; which then contributed to their self-love.
“Yoga and meditation play a huge role in developing self-love and
that helps benefit us spiritually. By looking inward, you become calmer
and more at peace with world and yourself.” Participant 8
“Self-love is spiritual. It gives you time to look inside yourself and
find peace of mind. It makes you think about life proactively. You feel
the joy that comes from within. I think that the spirit helps balance
body and mind.” Participant 2
External factors of self-love
In comparison to the internal factors, this sub-theme highlighted
all the factors that exists externally which the participants thought
had contributed to self-love. These factors included the physical
self and the influences of the environment, society, friends,
parents, religion, media and social media.
The data showed that all of the participants thought that taking
care of themselves, physically, contributed greatly to self-love. The
data further suggests that participants attributed healthy eating and
exercise, as well as, grooming to having good self-love.
“Self-love is everything about yourself basically. Like providing care
to yourself. So, if you feel good playing sports and that is what defines
you and gives you a sense of happiness then you participate in sports.
Like physically if you want to groom yourself, as well, then that’s the
care that you are placing in yourself to look after yourself. Even exercise
and eating healthy.” Participant 1
Moreover, that this physical self-care allowed participants to feel
happy and good about themselves.
“So overall by eating healthy I show my body respect, and because
my body is good and healthy, I have some sort of worth and yeah, I feel
good and happy about that.” Participant 3
While each participant had similar thoughts about grooming,
eating, and exercise habits contributing to self-love, it did
differ across genders. For instance the female participants spoke
getting their hair and nails done, on the other hand, the male
participants spoke about shaving their beard.
“So, I believe self-love is taking care of yourself and the moment you
do that you can like find the strength or like believe in yourself to do
things. Okay, so like taking care of yourself physically…even something
as ordinary as painting your nails or doing your hair.” Participant 5
“I think self-love is your view about yourself and how you look
after yourself. I guess how comfortable you are with who you are. So,
basically, no matter what people say or people do you don’t let that
affect you. You are comfortable with the kind of person you are, the
interests you have, your physical appearance and health. For example, I
shave everyday as I feel that grooming myself and being neat is showing
love and care to myself.” Participant 6
Data showed that participants attributed self-love as being
extremely important to maintain relationships, whether they were
romantic or platonic. They stated that one could not expect to
flourish in a relationship if they did not have any self-love. That
self-love was important so that the person did not become
exhausted in their relationship giving love and not receiving it
back.
“I think self-love is important to the relationships that I have
with others, also family, friends, work life and all those things. If
you are the one who continuously need validation from your partner
or from a relationship then chances are your partner is going to
become so emotionally drained. I would say to maintain intimate
relationships with romantic partners or close family members and
friends, you’d need to actively practice self-love. Like for example if
you were more content and happier with yourself then you can give
more of yourself freely in a relationship. It makes you a more
compassionate and understanding person towards others too, if you
have self-love.” Participant 7
Similarly, participants also believed that relationships with
friends could be an excellent source of motivation and
inspiration in contributing to self-love.
“I think young adults learn about self-love from friendships. I
would say, some of the best friendships I’ve made are from sports
teams. So, friends doing competitive sports could motivate others into
wanting to exercise or stay fit too. To self-love themselves. Also, having
good friends can help you have more insight into the person that
you are which allows you to explore new things about yourself to
love.” Participant 2
Many participants associated societal factors as environmental
or religious influences stating that society/environment/
religion could be detrimental to the development of self-love,
depending
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PATEL AND PIPKIN
on the circumstances. For instance, participant 7 spoke about the
frustrations from experiences of living in a low socio-economic
bracket:
“I discovered self-love from my struggles. My father passed away…
he was the main bread-winner in the house. I belonged to a poor
family, I had no degree, and could only get a job cleaning other
people’s houses. I used to think that something was wrong with me.
But throughout the years, I have come to realise that I am strong and
I am capable person. I love that part about me. So, self-love plays a
big role within my workplace. Because without work that means that
I am not capable of doing anything. I’d even dislike myself which is
kind of the opposite to loving yourself…if you think about it.”
On the other hand, participant 4, 3 and 6 discussed how a
judgmental society and religion can enforce particular beliefs
about what is/isn’t acceptable which can influence self-love;
and the frustration or joy that they felt from this.
“The norms of perfect body image are always determined by society
and is very judgmental. Media advertises a six-pack or flat-stomach
as being worthy of love and self-love. Gender can be affected by
different value systems from society and media and this leads to
different developments of self-love. It’s kinda irritating.”
Participant 4
“We live in a male dominated society where there is no progression
for females in life. Even the media tells women how to look. It’s so
frustrating. If you look at it from a feminist point of view, women have
been always told what to do, sit at home, don’t get a job, it’s the men’s
role to go out and work and he is the breadwinner, your role is to
look after the kids and cook. Yes, I am a female, but I am a human
being! So, whatever a man can do, why can’t I do it. Why is being a
female that sort of barrier for me being able to do other things. I used
to hate myself for just being female, and self-hate is the opposite of self-
love.” Participant 3
“Religion can also be used to destroy self-love. Religion can
be misused for powerplays, for instance a good example, like I said
with homosexuality, like if you are homosexual then, you know, in
terms of religion, you’re not going to get very far. Especially, a gay
Muslim man, very interesting dynamic there where if he is very
religious then that will be a way for him to incorporate self-love,
but in the same way the Quran is going against sexual preference
and many Muslim scholars also go against him. So, it’s a very…
it can go both ways. These influences can either build or destroy
self-love.” Participant 6
Conversely, some participants acknowledged that a strong
supportive environment, religion, and society could contribute
to the development of self-love.
“I think one of the ways to achieve self-love is having a
good supportive network, good family environment, good friend
environment, supportive environment, I think that’s one of the major
ways for someone to develop self-love. But I think if you had a more
supportive and understanding base, I think that’ll be one of the great
ways to develop self-love. For sure.” Participant 1
“Religion has helped me reconnect with God. The faith and
belief in God or the spirit means having faith in yourself and that
everything will be alright. If you have a strong relationship with
yourself and God, and a supportive religion to help you flourish, it
could help you become more expressive, more loving to yourself and
bring more positivity into your life.” Participant 2
Self-love links to resilience
The data suggested that participants believed that self-love
had a strong link to resilience. Participants describe their
understanding of positive functioning in terms of resilience.
Participants believed that the factors contributing to self-love
needed to be in balance and practiced regularly to promote
healthy positive functioning.
“We have our inner type of resilience that you are just born with.
Meaning whatever happens around you, you have something within
yourself that helps you cope with difficult moments, but then I
would say it’s your environment in which you are constantly in too,
can affect your self-love. So, if there is a supportive balance, like if
you have family and friends around you that support you and cares
for you, spiritual you are at peace with yourself. I think that would
be very conducive towards your self-love and help you develop self-
love. Whereas, if you are in a critical environment where you are
constantly put down, where you don’t receive any affirmations of any
form, I think that could somehow affect your…the way you see self-
love.” Participant 2
Many of the participants believed that self-love and resilience were
useful tools which assisted them to cope with difficult situations.
The data also suggests that having self-love and resilience had
benefits towards mental health, specifically assisting people with
overcoming depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
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“I personally think that mental issues, like depression comes from
the way you see yourself, the way we perceive ourselves, how we
think and how we act, so if we are more in tune to who we are,
and obviously you become more confident in yourself and you know
that you are capable of things instead of thinking negatively. I think
depression is a lack of self-confidence, but if you are in that place
where you are happy with yourself and love yourself even a tiny bit, I
think it will just bring you back into a good frame of mind where you
can achieve and accomplish your dreams and goals. If you have good
self-love than people’s thoughts and opinions won’t matter, basically,
you will have strong resilience to it.” Participant 8
Overall participants believed that self-love would allow them to
become stronger internally which assisted them in being resilient
against negative external factors such as toxic masculinity, toxic
religious beliefs, judgemental societies and peer or parental
pressures.
“The benefit of self-love is to break boundaries. Do not accept
everything society tells you. Be you and be happy with it. If you
have a strong sense of self that is developed from the insight, which
is self-love, that I spoke about then you wouldn’t care what other
external sources have to say or think. You’d be resilient towards it I
think and that will keep you in a healthy and stable mental state.”
Participant 5
DISCUSSION
The results of this study seemed to suggest that young adults’
view self-love from a positive perspective and that the meaning
attributed to self-love seemed to encompass insight; that is
feelings of self-awareness, self-compassion and self-acceptance.
Moreover, it was suggested that the factors that contributed
towards self-love are both internal and external. Furthermore,
the results suggested that young adults think that having self-
love leads to increased resilience towards developing strong
negative reactions from traumatic experiences or negative societal
messages, such as pertaining to gender or sexuality. The findings
will now be considered in light of prior literature.
Self-Love and Self-Compassion
The interpretations of the findings of this research study
support emerging theoretical and research findings that self-love
represents having a positive overview of one’s internal world
and positive feelings towards oneself, which translates into
self-caring behaviours (Neff & Germer, 2017). This may be an
important element of self-compassion, possibly encompassing
positive thoughts about oneself and one’s identity, positive
emotions towards oneself and fostering a sense of connection
with the world (Gilbert & Irons, 2005; Wong et al., 2019).
Furthermore, the young adults interviewed thought that having
facilitative internal and external experiences of self-love bolstered
their resilience via adaptive ways of coping, such as connecting
with others and engaging in self-care, and through having
alternative perspectives in the face of negative societal messages
or difficult experiences. This supports research into resilience,
such as the presence of positive or growth-based cognitions in
the face of adverse experiences being associated with positive
outcomes (Reber et al., 2009; Zwanziger et al, 2017). This may
have developmental relevance in young adulthood or prior,
supporting research into the benefits of positive, flexible cognitive
processes supporting adjustment to early adverse experiences
(Masten & Cicchetti, 2016). To the young adults interviewed,
self-love represented an important part of remaining resilient in
the face of adversity. Self-love as a standalone concept warrants
further inquiry as a potential protective mechanism against
distress. Further understanding what facilitates and hinders its
development in young adulthood may support intervention
development.
Self-Love and Self-Stigma
Further themes suggested a range of barriers to self-love, which
appeared to centre around societal norms or expectations
that were perceived as counter to self-love. Participants spoke
of gender, including ‘toxic masculinity’ norms as negatively
influencing their emotion regulation and a sense of oppression
for being female or homosexual, socio-economic status as posing
barriers to a sense of well-being, and supportive messages from
religious beliefs. All of these themes support prior research into
the complex nature of internalised cultural or indeed stigma-
based beliefs (e.g. internalised rigid masculinity norms associated
with depression: Iwamoto et al., 2018; internalised homophobia
negatively predicts psychological distress: Xu et al., 2017). One
participant noted that self-love to them is to “break boundaries”;
perhaps to break the boundaries of negative beliefs about oneself
and to behave in positive, constructive ways. The present findings
suggest that such societal messages may positively or negatively
influence the capacity for self-love. Wong et al.’s (2019)
References
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PATEL AND PIPKIN
mediation-moderation model of self-compassion and self-stigma
suggests that possible mechanisms may be through cognitive,
affective and social processes. The findings presented here
suggest that cultural norms may influence all three, for example,
internalised beliefs about how to regulate and express emotions
may influence cognitive (e.g. I must not express vulnerability
as a man), affective (e.g. avoidance of emotions) and social
(e.g. reduced scope for authentic connections) processes. This
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how internalised homophobia may influence cognitive, affective
and behavioural factors related to the development – or lack – of
self-compassion.
Limitations
The present study is limited by its small, self-selecting sample size,
and therefore cannot be generalised. It also represents this sample’s
views and experiences and may therefore not be representative
beyond their experiences. Further research is needed to replicate
and build on these findings. Although attempts were made
through peer debriefing, monitoring reflexivity and co-coding,
the risk of bias in interpreting the findings is acknowledged. The
cultural specificity to Johannesburg is also a potential limitation
in the wider application of these findings, though it provides a
platform for the views of young adults within this context.
Research Implications
Further research can continue build on the present findings by
exploring individuals’ experiences of particular cultural norms
in relation to self-love, such as beliefs about masculinity or
femininity and their influence on the cognitive, affective and
social aspects identified in Wong et al.’s (2019) model of self-
compassion and self-stigma. Given the theme of religious beliefs
and self-love identified here, further qualitative studies could
examine different religious perspectives and their relationship
to the experience of/attitudes towards self-love. Prior research
highlighted the potential developmental importance of self-
love and resilience, so generational differences with different
age groups would be important to examine to enable specific
adaptations to potential interventions or clinical conversations
as required. Quantitative research could be useful in examining
the contributing factors to self-love, and examining whether it
influences psychological well-being and resilience to adversity as
a standalone mechanism.
CONCLUSION
Overall, the results of this study suggest that young adults may
hold positive views of self-love, in line with research into the
concept of self-compassion. The sample held the view that self-
love represents having insight into one’s identity and viewing it
positively, which can be positively or negatively influenced by a
range of internal and external factors. Cultural norms and beliefs
warrant further exploration as potential facilitative mechanisms
of self-love, such as beliefs about emotions, and contributors to
positive self-affirmations. n
Citation
Patel, M. & Pipkin, A. (2022). Self-love is to break
boundaries: Young adults’ views of self-love in Johannesburg
– A thematic analysis study, European Journal of
Applied Positive Psychology, 6, 10, 1-11. http://www.
nationalwellbeingservice.org/volumes/volume-6-2022/
volume-6-article-10/
Biographies
Maushmi Patel is with Arden University, Arden House,
Middlemarch Park, Coventry, CV3 4FJ, UK
https://orcid.org/0000-0002-1579-8014
Alastair Pipkin is a Senior Clinical Psychologist at
Berrywood Hospital, Northamptonshire, NN5 6UD, UK
https://orcid.org/0000-0001-8202-6383
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RESEARCH PAPER: YOUNG ADULTS AND SELFLOVE
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