Invisible Wounds: A heuristic exploration of unintentional racial microaggressions and their relationship to unconscious racialisation. Attestation of authorship

Abstract

Unintentional racial microaggressions towards indigenous and minority peoples while injurious to recipients, are often not recognised by the perpetrator, and when challenged, are commonly met with defensiveness. The difference in racial realities exposed in these encounters can lead to breakdowns in recognition, and polarizing dynamics which perpetuate racial division. They also represent missed opportunities for greater understanding. In this dissertation, I use a vignette of events that occurred during a training course in psychotherapy as an entry point into considering the question, "what meaning may be made regarding unconscious racialisation from making, encountering and challenging unintentional racial microaggressions as a person of mixed 'race' in Aotearoa New Zealand". Through my subjective consideration of the intrapsychic, interpersonal and societal aspects of this phenomenon through heuristic inquiry, I contribute to the therapist's consideration of the mutual influence of unconscious racialisation on the therapeutic encounter. I explore the interplay of subjectivities within the racialised transference-countertransference matrix, and consider how reparational 'I and thou' engagement can be facilitated when unintentional racial microaggressions occur.

Full text

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Invisible Wounds: A heuristic exploration of unintentional racial
microaggressions and their relationship to unconscious racialisation.
Malik McCann
A dissertation submitted to Auckland University of Technology in partial fulfilment
of the requirements for the degree of Master of Psychotherapy
Supervisor: Professor Keith Tudor
2022

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Abstract
Unintentional racial microaggressions towards indigenous and minority peoples while injurious
to recipients, are often not recognised by the perpetrator, and when challenged, are commonly
met with defensiveness. The difference in racial realities exposed in these encounters can
lead to breakdowns in recognition, and polarizing dynamics which perpetuate racial division.
They also represent missed opportunities for greater understanding.
In this dissertation, I use a vignette of events that occurred during a training course in
psychotherapy as an entry point into considering the question, “what meaning may be made
regarding unconscious racialisation from making, encountering and challenging unintentional
racial microaggressions as a person of mixed ‘race’ in Aotearoa New Zealand”.
Through my subjective consideration of the intrapsychic, interpersonal and societal aspects of
this phenomenon through heuristic inquiry, I contribute to the therapist’s consideration of the
mutual influence of unconscious racialisation on the therapeutic encounter. I explore the
interplay of subjectivities within the racialised transference-countertransference matrix, and
consider how reparational ‘I and thou’ engagement can be facilitated when unintentional racial
microaggressions occur.

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Attestation of authorship
I hereby declare that this submission is my own work and that, to the best of my knowledge
and belief, it contains no material previously published or written by another person (except
where explicitly defined), nor material which to a substantial extent has been submitted for the
award of any other degree or diploma of a university or other institution of higher learning.
Malik McCann (Candidate).

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Acknowledgements
I dedicate this dissertation to my husband Cy, and my children Arlo, Meisha, and Remi. Thank
you for your patience, belief, and never ending support. You mean the world to me and I love
you dearly.
To my sister Roisin, who is with me always.
To my Nana Mokatogaloa my hero, and my parents for the different strengths you have instilled
in me.
Thank you Sophie, Amy and Deirdre. My chosen family, for your friendship, faith, and wisdom
and for reminding that my voice is valid when I doubted myself.
Thank you to my dissertation supervisor Keith Tudor for your patience, to John O’Connor and
Anna Fleming and to Nick Brown-Haysom for generously reading drafts, giving feedback and
for vulnerable conversations. Your input was valuable. To Crista for your willingness to engage
around conversations of ‘race’ and culture and in helping me ‘see’ my blind spots.
Deepest gratitude to Le Va for funding my studies through the Futures That Work
scholarship. I hope this work is of benefit to the Pasifika community.

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Table of contents
Abstract ________________________________________________________________________ 2
Attestation of authorship __________________________________________________________ 3
Acknowledgements ______________________________________________________________ 4
Table of contents _________________________________________________________________ 5
Chapter One- Introduction to racial microaggressions and a vignette _____________________ 7
To Make ______________________________________________________________________ 8
To encounter ___________________________________________________________________ 8
To Challenge ___________________________________________________________________ 9
Initial ponderings _______________________________________________________________ 13
Chapter Two - Framing the question ________________________________________________ 14
Introduction ___________________________________________________________________ 14
Defining the question and terms ___________________________________________________ 15
A psychodynamic lens ___________________________________________________________ 17
Context ______________________________________________________________________ 20
Aim and scope _________________________________________________________________ 22
Overview of chapters ____________________________________________________________ 23
Chapter Three- Methodology and method ___________________________________________ 24
Heuristic processes _____________________________________________________________ 27
Parameters ___________________________________________________________________ 29
Limits ________________________________________________________________________ 29
Phases ______________________________________________________________________ 30
Critique of the heuristic process ___________________________________________________ 33
Chapter Four- Literature view _____________________________________________________ 35
Microaggression research ________________________________________________________ 35
Critics of racial microaggression theory _____________________________________________ 41
Aotearoa based racial microaggression research ______________________________________ 41
Chapter Five- Findings. The Interpersonal ___________________________________________ 43
Interracial dynamics ____________________________________________________________ 43
Defenses _____________________________________________________________________ 47
Chapter Six – Findings. Wider society ______________________________________________ 51
The socio-cultural-political environment. _____________________________________________ 51
Overview _____________________________________________________________________ 52
A psychodynamic lens ___________________________________________________________ 56
Chapter Seven- Findings. The intrapsychic. _________________________________________ 60
Cycling self-states ______________________________________________________________ 60
Double consciousness and multiple self-states ________________________________________ 62
Unconscious racialisation ________________________________________________________ 63
Essentialist racial constructs ______________________________________________________ 65

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Acknowledging the disavowed. ____________________________________________________ 69
Experiencing an interracial intersubjective third _______________________________________ 71
Chapter Eight- Discussion ________________________________________________________ 75
Summary of findings ____________________________________________________________ 75
Relating to the literature view _____________________________________________________ 76
How my findings fit into previous research. ___________________________________________ 77
Explication- A broader conceptualisation. ____________________________________________ 77
Relevance to discipline of psychotherapy ____________________________________________ 78
Racial microaggressions and unconscious racialisation _________________________________ 73
Recommendations for further research ______________________________________________ 80
Final thoughts _________________________________________________________________ 80
References _____________________________________________________________________ 81
List of Figures
Figure 1. Wilber’s four quadrants of knowledge (1995). 37
Figure 2. Dissociated racialised self-states 64
Figure 3: The impact of essentialists constructs on my own identity. 67
Figure 4: The interracial intersubjective third. 73
Figure 5. Flow chart of racial microaggressions 80

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Chapter One- Introduction to racial microaggressions and a vignette
In 2007, Sue and colleagues popularised the term ‘racial microaggressions’, in the landmark
paper “Racial microaggressions in everyday life: and their implications for clinical practice”.
Racial microaggressions can be defined as the identifiable outcomes of
racism, whether conscious or unconscious, and are brief and
commonplace daily verbal, behavioural, or environmental indignities that
communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults
toward people of colour (Sue et al,. 2007. p. 273).
Sue and colleagues (2007) proposed a taxonomy to distinguish the overt and covert forms of
racism which exist in contemporary society (McCann, 2019). Three sub-categories further
delineated minority and indigenous peoples experience of this phenomena.
Micro-assaults; referring to an explicit verbal or non-verbal racial attack
which is intentionally meant to hurt the intended victim. Micro-insults;
characterised by communications that convey rudeness and insensitivity
and demean a person's racial heritage or identity. Microinvalidations;
characterised by communications that exclude, negate, or nullify the
psychological thoughts, feelings, or experiential reality of a person of
colour (Sue et al., 2007. p. 274).
In societies with a history of colonialism and oppression of indigenous and minority peoples,
subsequent generations are prone to inherit the racial bias of their forebears (Sue, 2005).
These biases can exist unconsciously alongside individuals conscious beliefs in equality and
social justice (Burkard & Knox, 2004; Sue, 2005). Unconscious beliefs can manifest as
comments or behaviours in the form of unintentional racial microaggressions which convey
denigrating messaging to minorities. Subtle microaggressions are damaging because they are
insidious and covert, and often leave the recipient questioning themselves (Fleischer, 2017;
Sue, 2008).
The invisibility of unintentional expressions of bias indicate the normalisation of negative
constructs of ‘race’ (Sue, 2010). While perpetrators are often not aware they have made an
unintentional racial microaggression, the cumulative damage of such messaging can have
major psychological consequences for recipients including anxiety, paranoia, depression, a
sense of worthlessness, loss of drive, intrusive cognitions and false positives (Holder et al.,
2015).
What follows is a vignette of my experience of encountering and challenging what I perceived
to be an unintentional racial microaggression during my psychotherapy training, which brought
this issue to the fore in my life in an immediate way.

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To Make
A statement was made in relation to a discussion about the potential impact of using robots in
rest homes and occurred in an ethics class. A fellow student spoke of the need to be careful
about perpetuating racism towards Brown people, noting that a recent study had found that
people saw brown robots, like Brown people, as “more shit”.
This statement was made with the intent of protecting against perpetuating racism towards
Brown people, yet the way it was said without consideration of its impact on ‘Brown people’
felt jarring. None of the other students (both Brown and Pākehā) or the tutor appeared to have
registered anything amiss which seemed to indicate it was a common perception. Being a
phenotypically brown woman of mixed heritage in a Pākehā dominant society, my difference
was a normalised constant, but in this moment my racial and cultural difference, world view,
and life experience were felt intensely.
To encounter
My reaction to the initial encounter was an intense autonomic nervous system response; I felt
an emotional flooding of hurt, anger, and confusingly, shame. I did not resonate with this
generalisation, and as a ‘Brown person’ I felt deeply offended. I asked, “What people?”, and
they responded that the study referred to an average representation of the population.
In this moment as a ‘Brown person’, I felt hyper-visible while my
emotional response felt invisible. It felt like the statement was spoken
about me and how the people in the room ‘see’ me, yet they weren’t
aware of this. It exposed something inside myself that was crushingly
painful.
Journal entry 6th April, 2020.
Taffel (2020) highlights the way microaggressions are in fact anything but micro, and can
represent the totality of an individual’s experiences of negative racial messaging. The impact
of racial microaggressions derives from this cumulative effect over a lifetime (Solorzano et al.,
2000; Sue et al., 2007). The power of racial microaggressions lies in the perpetuation of
denigrating messaging and behaviour towards minorities, which further normalise these
beliefs in perpetrator’s and recipients alike (Sue, 2005).
Recipients often describe a vague feeling that they have been attacked, disrespected, or that
something about the interaction is not right (Franklin, 2004; Reid & Radhakrishnan,
2003). Because microaggressions are often invisible to perpetrators who are likely to react
defensively when challenged, recipients often feel put in a bind and feel pressure to stay silent
(Sue, 2007).

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This vignette illustrates a dilemma commonly identified in the dynamics of racial
microaggressions, in the clash of racial realities (Sue, 2008a). Where the majority of white
people do not view themselves as racist or capable of racist behaviour, minorities can perceive
them to be racially insensitive and prejudiced (Sue, 2008a). Research confirms the widespread
existence of unconscious racism in well-intentioned White people (Dovidio & Gaertner, 2000).
Therefore, they state, the assessment of whether a racist act has occurred is most accurately
identified by the marginalised (Jones, 1997; Keltner & Robinson, 1996).
It felt as though my colour was not seen in this interaction. Colour blindness is a common form
of microinvalidation which denies the experiential reality of people of colour (Helms, 1992;
Neville et al., 2000; Sue, 2007). Colour blindness negates difference, and is a common
justification for perpetrators to claim that they have not acted with prejudice (Neville et al.,
2000). ‘We are all the same’ communicates the message that the differing racial and cultural
experiences of marginalised minorities are invalid (Neville et al., 2000).
To Challenge
I tried to make light of this interaction to myself, but later it hit me and I cried. I thought of my
children hearing the statement in a class one day and this was painful to consider. I wondered
whether this was a commonly accepted fact and puzzled at the intensity of my response while
others seemed unaffected.
I knew that the statements were unintentional, yet they had turned my
world upside down. I was angry and hurt but I also felt shame, and I
realised if I didn’t speak to this statement it would be reinforced in my
own psyche. It felt important not to appease the shame by staying silent.
Journal entry 4th June, 2020.
Naming my feelings to the group felt like a necessary first step to challenging this shame in
myself. I also sought to clarify this statement and to heal the invisible rupture I felt towards
people with whom I had a personal relationship.
Not responding to a microaggression has the potential to result in psychological harm (Sue,
2007). “It may mean a denial of one’s experiential reality, dealing with a loss of integrity, or
experiencing pent-up anger and frustration likely to take psychological and physical tolls” (Sue,
2007. p. 279).
I felt fearful of sharing my response and was anxious that I would lose the courage to do so in
person. I initiated a dialogue in our private group chat. My intention wasn’t to shame or alienate
but to share my experience in that moment as a Brown person; the hurt, the realisation that it
had spoken to a fear that lived inside me, and the sense of collusion I would feel if I didn’t

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honour my experience by sharing it. I was hopeful that it could be the beginning of a mutually
vulnerable conversation.
Excerpts of my messages follow.
Speaking as one Brown person in the room, the statement made in class
yesterday hurt.
I know I can’t speak for all ‘brown people’ but I’m sharing this with you in
the hope that you can gain some understanding from a perspective other
than your own. They were not just objective observations to me, but
spoke about me and the way ‘people see’ me in everyday life.
I want to give voice to what usually stays unspoken and of course this
course encourages us to do just that.
Malik McCann, personal communication via private group message.
2018.
My initial approach was conciliatory and tentative. I shared how damaging this statement had
felt. I expressed anger towards the ambiguity of the study and to the racism that existed in
society. This unconscious compromise formation perhaps felt safer than a direct challenge to
the speaker or group, a middle ground of naming my anger and hurt without bringing it
between us.
There were a few responses which acknowledged my experience, and expressed regret that
recognizing the ambiguity of the study was left to myself as the minority. In a way the study
became the convenient common enemy, the container of racism. The experience of sharing
my thoughts and experience initially felt validating and healing of the rupture that I had felt in
relation to my peers.
I sought out the study which stated that “people have similar automatic biases towards darker
coloured robots as they do toward people with darker skin colour” (Bartneck et al., 2018, p. 1).
Automatic bias is unconsciously held, and can sit alongside conscious beliefs in equality, a
condition that potentially relates to us all (Fiske, 2021). Studies on unconscious racial bias
provide evidence that we are all prone regardless of what colour we are, partly because of our
psychological make up as humans to separate each other into ‘us’ and ‘them’, but also as the
result of cultural socialisation into societies where racialized norms are part of the fabric of our
social lives (Fiske, 2021).
The initial reception of understanding I had received in the group messages gave me the
courage to state that we had villainized the study, and that it actually referred to automatic
(unconscious) bias, and that none of us were necessarily immune, myself included. An excerpt
of my communication follows.
As much as I’d like to focus my frustration on ‘those people’ or on a shitty
experiment, I know we need to bring it back to us because if the results

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of the study are a representation of an average population, it’s talking
about us.
Malik McCann, personal communication via private group message,
2018.
No-one replied to this message. I posit that perhaps this was a response to my bringing the
issue of racism and a different racial reality into the ‘here and now’ between us. In the next
class our regular tutor, who had been away the week before, asked what she had missed.
Upon hearing about the interactions and my communication via group chat, the tutor asked if
we’d like space to speak more about it. There was a tense energy in the room, a few people
shook their heads to indicate they didn’t want to speak and the discomfort of the group felt
palpable. I was given an opportunity to speak, and I did. I tried to approach the topic from an
honest, non-defensive stance of ‘this is what happened for me’, to share my affective
response, the questions it raised and my discovery that the study actually referred to
unconscious bias.
I experienced the energy in the room as deeply uncomfortable. A small number of the fourteen
people in the class responded. The responses felt defensive, those who were previously
supportive online were silent or dismissive in their comments and I perceived an overwhelming
discomfort and guardedness in the group. A common sentiment was that nobody related
personally to the study and didn’t believe themselves to be racist, but the statement itself
although conveyed harshly, was stating fact. I asked the speaker how they felt about what I’d
shared. They responded that our private social media chat was an inappropriate forum to
share my views, that they were simply relaying the results of a study and the only thing they
regretted was using the term ‘shit’, but had done so to convey how reprehensible racism was.
My perception of the emotion in this response was cold hostility. I, in turn, felt confused and
deeply ‘othered’, aware that my reality and hurt had been dismissed and the fact that the study
referred to unconscious bias had been avoided. In other circumstances where the issue wasn’t
regarding ‘race’, I consider it would be easy to say ‘I’m sorry you felt that way, that wasn’t my
intention’, or to voice the discomfort of considering this topic in relation to the self. What was
happening in this interaction that ‘I and thou’ relating was no longer possible?
I felt shocked by the responses of the group, which I perceived to be further (and more
defensive) unintentional racial microaggressions which held an undercurrent of hostility. This
felt familiar to other experiences where racial aggression was cloaked in righteousness,
formality and civility, a dynamic I have always struggled to know how to respond to.
The discussion was ended by the tutor who I sensed was empathetic to my experience but
seemed unable to use the opportunity to facilitate further discussion. I felt that I had become

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the container of the group's discomfort around issues of race, that I had broken an unspoken
rule in communicating a different perspective. Feeling hurt, angry and very alone, I walked out.
Perpetrators often perceive there to be minimal harm from racial microaggressions (Sue,
2007). “When individuals are confronted with their micro-aggressive acts the perpetrator
usually believes that the victim has overreacted and is being overly sensitive and/or petty.
After all, even if it was an innocent racial blunder, microaggressions are believed to have
minimal negative impact” (Sue, 2007. p. 279). Research supports the detrimental impact of
covert forms of racism (Chakraborty & McKenzie, 2002; Clark., et al, 1999). “This
contemporary form of racism is more problematic, damaging, and injurious to persons of colour
than overt racist acts” (Sue, 2003, p. 48).
As I reflected on what had occurred, I saw a similarity with this situation and the experience of
minorities in greater society when challenging racism or highlighting injustice, where various
defenses are used to invalidate and dismiss minority world views and experience.
This felt important, and I decided to share this reflection with the group, regardless of how
what I said was going to be received. I’d found a strength in myself and felt liberated from the
need to belong to the group if it was conditional on silence or submission. I shared that wanting
to address racism towards Brown people but not wanting to acknowledge the voice of a Brown
person felt hypocritical. I reiterated that the statement had been made in such an extreme way,
misrepresenting that it referred to unconscious racial bias and that not personally relating to
the study was a misnomer, as unconscious racial bias was by nature not available to conscious
thought. I wondered if the comment would have been made in a room full of Brown people and
reflected that I believed the marginalisation of minorities in greater society was being enacted
in the group. There was no further response from my peers and after awkward silence, the
tutor stated that this was an important issue and the class continued.
Responding with anger or challenging unintentional racial microaggressions (perhaps a
healthy reaction) is likely to result in negative consequences for recipients (Sue, 2007). The
interactions were never spoken of again even as we later covered the topics of racism and
group dynamics in the class. Sue (2007) highlights the catch twenty-two of responding to
microaggressions, the ‘damned if you do and damned if you don’t dilemma. If I hadn’t spoken
up I intuit this would have reinforced my internal sense of ‘less than’ and voicelessness. But
there was also a cost to speaking out, in the loss of trust, safety and belonging I felt towards
the group.

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Initial ponderings
These interactions had opened a wound I didn’t realise I had and the intensity of my feelings
told me they were not just about this moment. As I began to question why this statement had
affected me so intensely, I wondered if a split-off part of myself had feared that this was how I
was seen or, even more alarmingly, how a part of me saw myself and had worked hard to
counter-identify with this disavowed belief. If this was the case, this vulnerability sat alongside
a strong and conscious sense of identification and pride in myself as a Brown woman. Did this
split play a part in my social anxiety about being seen as wrong or different? If I harboured
these beliefs about myself, did they manifest in my perceptions and behaviour towards other
people of colour?
I feel confident that, as a group, we generally held conscious egalitarian values and were
fortunate to have the space to consider racial dynamics and socio-cultural context within our
training. Because of this I had hoped this was a space where we could have these challenging
conversations about ‘race’.
Unintentional racial microaggressions are difficult to challenge. Part of the nature of this
phenomena is that interracial conversations about racism can bring deep anxiety,
defensiveness, fear, guilt, shame and aggression for all parties, often resulting in rupturing
impasses (Sue, 2005; Taffel, 2020). This interaction illustrates how painful unintentional racial
microaggressions can be for the recipient, and how being challenged on them can be painfully
confronting for the offender. This can lead to breakdowns in recognition, and expose divisive,
polarizing racial realities and paranoid schizoid dynamics.
How was I contributing to the group interaction in ways of which I was unaware? I feel that
mutual projection was happening, but what part was mine, what part was theirs? What
meaning can be made of this rupture when considered through a relational lens? How does
the societal context in which we live influence these interactions?

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Chapter Two - Framing the question
Introduction
In this dissertation I use heuristic methodology and self-search inquiry to consider the question
“what meaning may be made regarding unconscious racialisation from making, encountering
and challenging unintentional racial microaggressions as a person of mixed ‘race’ in Aotearoa
New Zealand”. In this chapter I frame the question, defining terms and conditions, and place
it in the context of my own life, in the discipline of psychodynamic psychotherapy and in the
context of Aotearoa New Zealand.
Why this question?
I was becoming conscious of a rather disturbing internal phenomenon in the early years of
psychotherapy training. Rather than sharing my thoughts and perspectives freely, I noticed
myself filtering my responses to what I considered an unhealthy extent. Cognitively I knew that
my perspective was as valid as anyone else’s and that different perspectives could co-exist.
Yet I had a sense of holding back for fear of being ‘wrong’, as if there was a ‘right’ perspective
I was measuring against. This censoring and hypervigilant self-consciousness was attached
to a fear of being exposed as ‘other’, and came with feelings of shame. I understood these
dynamics as a form of ‘false self’, an adaptation to my early childhood experience.
Through the experiences described in the vignette I recognised there was another intersecting
layer to this internal dynamic. Although I know this experience of self-censoring is not
uncommon, for myself it included an internal split involving a censoring of my ‘Brown’ self. This
anxiety occurred more in group situations and involved an internal negotiation between what
I thought and felt, and what I deemed acceptable to share. I wondered if, along with parental
objects, I had internalised a societal object that required me to be a certain way to be
‘acceptable’. Was my ‘false self’ racialised to maintain a sense of belonging and acceptance
in society? (Winnicott, 1960; Long, 2011) Did my ‘Brown’ self hold a subordinate position,
accommodating to the western perspective? (Brandchaft, 2007).
The experience in the vignette brought this internal dynamic to light, gave me insight into how
it may have formed through relational experience, and was perpetuated by the dynamics of
racism in wider society. This experience opened a door to a consideration of this phenomena
and was to be the motivation for the topic of this dissertation.

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Defining the question and terms
Racism
Racism is anything—thought, feeling or action—that uses the notion of
race as an activating or organising principle. Or to put it another way,
racism is the manufacture and use of the notion of race (Dalal, 2002. p.
258).
It is a categorization which exaggerates the similarity of ‘us’ and the difference of ‘them' which
can exist outside of our conscious awareness (Tafjel & Turner, 1979). It is “a complex system
rooted in unequal power relations by ‘race’, ethnicity and culture that involves shared social
cognition (prejudice), as well as social practices (discrimination), at both the macro level of
social structures and the micro level of specific interaction and communicative events” (van
Dijk, 1993 p. 47). Racism is woven into the foundation of our society and is intimately tied to
an asymmetry in power, control and privilege (Dalal, 2002).
‘Race’
My classmates comment about ‘Brown people’ referred to ‘race’. Genetic studies have refuted
the existence of bio-genetically distinct ‘races’ (Dalal, 2002; Morgan, 2002). Noting that genetic
differences are about 1.5% and occur within, as much as between ‘races’ (Begley, 2008).
Rather ideas of ‘race’ are conceptualised as social constructs which reflect specific attitudes
and beliefs imposed on different populations (Takezawa, 2020). Certain ideas of racial ranking
developed around the beginning of European exploration and colonisation in the 16th century
(Hopkinson, 2020). These pseudo-scientific constructs formed a colonising ideology which put
Europeans at the top end of a biologically based racial hierarchy (Hopkinson, 2020). Although
‘race’ is an imagined construct, it has profound significance and influences whether we will
survive birth, our level of education, how much money we’ll earn, and how long we can expect
to live (DiAngelo, 2018). This ideology or “racial worldview” has allowed for “an unequal
distribution of political and economic power” (Lovchik, 2018. p. 3). While ‘race’ is socially
constructed, it is an enduring and complex social dynamic whose real life impact must be
acknowledged and considered (DiAngelo, 2018). I use ‘race’ in apostrophes in this dissertation
to acknowledge the socially constructed nature of this category. I also capitalise racial
groupings- Black, White and Brown, to emphasise the meanings, symbols and associations
that have become attached to these constructs, highlighting the depth to which they have
seeped implicitly into social consciousness.

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Ethnicity and ethnocentrism
Closely associated with ‘race’ is ethnicity, which relates to self-identified cultural affiliations,
membership and a sense of identity with a group sharing common history, cultural traits
and language (Bryce, 2020). In multicultural societies like Aotearoa, prescribed assumptions
of ethnicity are often rigid, and don’t take into consideration the complexities, evolution and
fusion of shifting self-identified or mixed ethnic affiliations (Bryce, 2020).
Specific to Aotearoa and many other western colonised nations is Eurocentrism, a world-view
that implicitly and explicitly normalises European history, systems, values and achievements
as the superior norm, thereby justifying European domination (Ruddick, 2009). It is a binary
perspective which juxtaposes a “white progressive civilised European identity” against a
Black/ Brown/ indigenous “underdeveloped, uncivilised, barbaric ‘Other’ in the colonies”
(Ruddick, 2009. p217). The term ‘new racism’ or ‘cultural racism’ coined originally by Martin
Barker (1981) has been used to describe the shift from assumptions of superiority regarding
perceived biological differences based on ‘race’, to prejudice and discrimination based on
cultural differences between ethnic or racial groups (Barker, 1981; Hopkinson, 2020). Beliefs
in racial and cultural difference are interlinked, resulting in discriminatory practices such as
exploitation and domination (Barker, 1981). This elevation of one (socially constructed) group
of people over others, is the foundation of oppression (Sue, 2010).
Unintentional racial microaggressions
The term racial microaggression was first coined in 1978 by Chester Pierce and colleagues
“to denote subtle, often automatic, verbal and non-verbal communications which are racially
based put downs” (p. 66). Other terms have been proposed to describe (less conscious or
unconscious) contemporary iterations of racism. Aversive racism (Dovido & Gaertner, 1986),
symbolic racism (Kinder & Sears, 1971), modern racism (McConahay, 1986), and implicit or
unconscious bias (Banaji & Greenwald, 1995).
This dissertation looks specifically at unintentional racial microaggressions. These are
microinsults and microinvalidations which “tend to be expressed unconsciously by the
perpetuator, yet communicate a hidden demeaning message to the person of colour” (Sue et
al., 2008. p. 329). I conceptualise unintentional microaggressions as observable outcomes of
unconscious racialisation. I use the term unintentional in this dissertation to indicate that they
are used without conscious intent but with a caveat that they serve an unconscious purpose
of maintaining a racially hierarchical status quo which benefits the dominant group.

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A psychodynamic lens
I use a psychodynamic lens in this study for its focus on intrapsychic processes and the
unconscious, to consider what unintentional racial microaggressions, the observable
manifestations of unconscious beliefs can reveal about unconscious racialisation. I use
psychodynamic and psychoanalytic interchangeably in this research.
Intrapsychic mechanisms of racism
Psychoanalysis often uses Kleinian object relations theory (Klein, 1928; 1952) to explain the
intrapsychic mechanisms of racism (Altman, 2000; Balbus, 2004; Caflisch, 2020; Dalal, 2002;
Fanon, 1982; Kovel, 1995; Rustin, 1991). Klein’s conceptualisation of the paranoid schizoid
position, the relationship between love and hate, between guilt and rage, and the emphasis
on shifting self-states captures some key aspects of racialised dynamics (Rasmussen, 2013;
Stephens, 2020).
Using Kleinian object relations theory, one side of the dyad of racism uses the projective
mechanism of splitting of good and bad across the ‘us-them’ divide of ‘race’, which places
what is projected at a safe distance from the subject (Fanon, 1986). Projective identification is
understood to involve normal infantile mental states or, in the adult, psychotic states of mind,
which explains the force of racist thinking (Davids, 2006). Rustin asserts that race is an empty
construct, making it an ideal container for projecting unwanted aspects of the self (2001).
The problem of racism and discrimination largely comes from a defensive
process of disavowing one’s unwanted parts, one’s unwanted impulses
and insecurities, locating them in the other person and then hating that
other person in order to protect one’s self (Hart, 2017. p. 13).
Being of infantile or psychotic intensity, these projections are highly resistant to rationality or
reason and the return of projected content threatens annihilation and must be avoided at all
costs (Rustin, 1991). This projection of the disavowed implies that the object of racism is
strongly compelled to contain it through projective identification (Davids 2006).
On the other side of the dualistic relationship of racism, introjection or internalisation is the
mechanism by which what is projected comes to reside in the self. This introjection results in
the splitting of the self in the face of the projective gaze of the other (Fanon, 1952; Stephens,
2020). Du Bois described this “peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of
always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others” which is felt intra-physically by the
marginalised on whom the disavowed is projected (1903. p. 2). Davids (2006) asserts that the
internalised racist is a normal developmental achievement, yet I question this perspective.

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A socio-genesis of unconscious racism
I am drawn to the arguments of theorists such as Altman (2000) and Dalal (2001) who see
‘race’ as a social construct and racism as having socio-genesis. Altman suggests the concept
of ‘race’ emerged from dichotomized thinking along the poles of rationality/ irrationality inherent
in enlightenment philosophy (2000). Rationalizing ‘race’ (and other dualistic social categorising
like gender and sexuality) in physical terms conceals their domineering intent by making these
categories innocently appear to mirror nature (Altman, 2000). Foucault (1980) argues
that every social dichotomy establishes a hierarchy. This hierarchy puts one category on top
of the other for the purpose of domination and control, which is “the philosophical basis and
justification for European colonialism” (Altman, 1995. p. 138). Yet according to Layton (2020)
“subordinate group identities are never fully determined by the power of dominant groups” (p.
193) and the identities that minorities fashion for themselves can be healthier than the psyches
of those who conform to “split cultural ideals of whiteness” (p. 193).
How social constructs of race impact the psyche.
The sociologist Norbert Elias (1969) extended Foulkes (1964) conceptualisation of the
influence of families and communities on the psyche, to include the influence of society as a
whole (Dalal, 2002). Elias illustrated, through his studies on the evolution of manners in
European society, how social distinctions were a way to differentiate the ‘haves’ from the ‘must
not haves’ and how it was the powerful who defined what was perceived to be ‘good’ and ‘bad’
(1969). Over time, norms defined and enforced explicitly by the upper echelons of power are
internalised in the psyche and become automatised internally as the imprint of society on the
inner self, which then governs the individual’s behaviour internally (Dalal, 2002). These
mechanisms of exclusion and subjugation become invisible amongst day to day life (Elias,
1969).
The process of racialisation
Dalal applies Elias' (1969) conceptualisation to the understanding of ‘race’ and colour,
exploring how language and constructs of ‘race’ set by those in power to maintain power, also
become imprinted and automatised in the self (Dalal, 2002). Davids summarises Dalal’s
formulation that “manifestations of racism that appear to have an internal origin…actually
reflect powerful processes of racialisation, external in origin, that have been deposited deep
inside us” (2003. p. 168). Dalal (2002) states that through socio-developmental processes, all
psyches are inevitably racialized and colour coded. This suggests that on some level we are
always perceiving (whether conscious or not), ourselves and others as racialised objects. If
‘race’ is a social construct, and the power asymmetry created by racism is both the outcome
and motivation for this construct, racialisation then is the process by which we come to

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internalise the imprint of racial self and ‘other’. I am interested in the way unconscious
racialised object relations and external racial dynamics interact.
The fact that we inhabit a racialized and color-coded world means that,
through the psychosocial developmental process, each of us, of
necessity, imbibes a version of that world order, such that our psyches,
too, become color coded and racialized. And then, in turn, we continue
to reproduce and sustain the processes of racialization, despite our
efforts not to do so (Dalal, 2006. p.157).
I began this dissertation initially intending to explore unconscious racial bias, yet as I deepened
into this process I found that this term did not adequately capture the breadth of the
phenomenon I was exploring. I chose to use unconscious racialisation as it implies a process
which is ingested from outside and internalised by all individuals in society, including the
unconscious racialised matrix of self in relation to ‘other’. The use of the term racialisation is
becoming more prevalent in psychoanalytic literature (Dalal, 2002 & 2006; Layton, 2006 &
2020; Goedert, 2020; Stephens, 2020). My focus is unconscious racialisation, that which is
beyond conscious awareness.
The social unconscious
How are racial constructs formed in the colonial era still alive in a ‘post-colonial’ society and
how do they exist alongside conscious egalitarian beliefs?
To make sense of this I consider the ‘social unconscious’, a concept with its origins in group
analysis, which examines the interrelations between intrapsychic and social realities, and how
these manifest in the group (Geyer, 2017). The phenomena of a social unconscious first
proposed by Fromm (1962) and developed further by Foulkes (1964) became an important
concept in group therapy. Foulkes (1964) deduced that members of a group co-construct a
shared unconscious or ‘matrix’ which involves not only the individual unconscious, but
processes which occur through and between members in the intersubjective space (Weinberg,
2016). The theorisation of the social unconscious suggests that groups share hidden myths
and motives which guide behaviour, as well as shared defenses (Hopper & Weinberg, 2016).
These processes drive social groups in the same way that unconscious forces drive
individual’s out of their awareness. The idea of the social unconscious helps to explain the
relative uniformity of the collective perception of racial identities. The social unconscious is a
concept which has gained more attention in recent years (Geyer, 2017).
Brown (2001) proposed four ways the social unconscious manifests;
1. Assumptions – what is taken for granted and ‘natural’ in society. 2.
Disavowals – disowning knowledge or responsibility for things that are
unwelcome. 3. Social defenses – what is defended against by projection,

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denial, repression or avoidance. 4. Structural oppression – control of
power and information by competing interests in society (cited in
Weinberg, 2018. p. 311).
Other considerations in regards to the social unconscious include the influence that power has
in both subjective experience and interpersonal interactions, which direct the flow of
communication within and between social systems in disparate ways (Dalal, 2001). Hopper
(1996) suggests “a link between trauma and the social unconscious through a psychic process
of ‘equivalence’” (p. 13) in which social systems unconsciously recreate unresolved historic
societal trauma and equate it with the current situation using projection, introjection and
repetition compulsion (cited in Geyer, 2017). These re-enactments condense past and present
events in paranoid-schizoid ways, limiting possibilities for repair (Weinberg, 2007). Layton
uses the term “Normative unconscious processes to refer to that aspect of the unconscious
that pulls to repeat patterns that uphold the very social norms that cause psychic distress in
the first place …these are the oppressive psychological consequences of living in a culture in
which many norms serve the dominant ideology” (2006. p. 242).
The unconscious racialisation I explore in this dissertation includes the intrapsychic
mechanisms employed in racial dynamics, and also expands on them. Considering the
intrapsychic alone, without placing it in the context of the social, risks simplifying these
dynamics solely as natural by-products of human cognition. The concept of the social
unconscious helps to shed light on why racialisation is so pervasive, persistent and
transgenerational, and can exist alongside consciously egalitarian beliefs. It allows for a
broader consideration of societal norms, societal racialisation (including racial positioning) and
transgenerational transmission of racialisation, and the way these dynamics imprint
unconsciously in the psyche.
Context
Placing this study in time and place
I use both the Māori and English names of Aotearoa and New Zealand to acknowledge our
commitment to bi-cultural partnership under the terms of Te Tiriti o Waitangi. However, I will
use Aotearoa for the remainder of this dissertation to privilege Aotearoa’s indigenous people,
whose right to partnership and self-governance has not always been acknowledged. Although
many non- European minorities experience racism in Aotearoa, I focus specifically on the
experience of Māori and Pasifika, as the impact of historical and ongoing racism towards these
groups can be clearly linked to discrepancies in treatment and disparities in well-being
outcomes. Research by Te Atawhai o te Ao, Independent Māori Institute for Environment and
Health (Ellis, 2021), indicated that 93 % of Māori experience racism every day. Furthermore,

21
recent Human Rights commission research found that 50% or more of Māori, Pasifika,
Chinese and Asian respondents have experienced racism since the start of the COVID 19
epidemic (Human Rights Commission, 2021). Although I could not source research on what
percentage of people in Aotearoa would consider themselves to hold racist beliefs, I suggest
that there would be a high discrepancy between this percentage and the experiences of racism
by minorities, illustrating the widespread nature of unconscious racism in Aotearoa.
As tau iwi (non-Māori) I feel it must be acknowledged that all citizens of
Aotearoa by invitation of the Crown, including Pasifika, have been
accommodated at a cost to Māori wellbeing. Although I explore both
Māori and Pasifika together in this dissertation, I do not want to minimise
the exploitation that Māori have experienced. I speak instead to the
commonalities of our marginalisation.
Malik McCann, Journal entry. 20th February, 2021.
This also highlights the challenge Pasifika and other marginalised minorities hold in Aotearoa’s
politically bicultural society, in sitting between Pākehā and Māori as another marginalised
‘other’. Non-indigenous minorities “whose needs also claim visibility, find themselves
competing with the (indigenous) ‘have nots’, but without the status of the indigenous group
and without clearly demarcated policy or processes to support their needs'' (Salpitikora, 2015.
p. 74). This can generate conflicting feelings of identification with Māori and invisibility in
relation to Māori.
As a politically bi-cultural society with a colonial heritage, and a multicultural population,
Aotearoa has had a gradual cultural and political shift since the 1970’s, and racist norms which
were once commonplace, are now increasingly considered to be unacceptable. However
experiences of racism remain, as illustrated by countless anecdotal testimonies from
indigenous Māori, Pasifika and other more recently immigrated minority peoples of colour
(Broughton, 2019; Cormack, Stanley & Harris, 2020; Gerritson, 2020; Meredith, 2020; Muru-
Lanning; 2020; Nielson, 2020; Palmer, 2020; Pickering- martin, 2020; Tuuta, 2020; Walters,
2021).
Current statistics on nearly all indicators of wellbeing reveal disparities and poorer outcomes
for Māori and Pasifika (Ministry of Treasury, 2019). It has been established that unconscious
racial bias contributes to inequity in Aotearoa through systemic, institutional and interpersonal
engagement, despite concerted efforts to address these inequalities (Walsh & Grey, 2019).
As to the current international context in which I write this dissertation, COVID-19 has changed
life as we know it. In this atmosphere, social inequities including racial injustice have come to
the fore. In the U. S. the murder of George Floyd by police officers was captured by video
footage from bystanders (Forliti & Karowski, 2020). This event appeared to be a tipping point
for minorities around racial injustice, and led to the “Black Lives Matter” movement regarding

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ongoing racism and disparity in the U.S. and in the wider world, including Aotearoa. In 2020,
with the uncertainty and existential fear of survival and security in the COVID environment,
modern manifestations of racism towards marginalised minorities have increased and at the
same time they are increasingly challenged, leading to a volatile environment around racial
issues.
Placing myself in this study
I am a forty-three year old female, born and raised in Aotearoa. I identify as a mixed heritage
Aotearoa New Zealander. The first generation born in Aotearoa on my Father’s Irish side, and
the second generation on my Mother’s Niuean, Samoan, Chinese side, I am phenotypically
brown. I can claim to be ‘NZ European’ on a census, yet there is no option to claim a ‘NZ
Samoan, Niuean or Chinese’ identity. This subtly positions Pākehā as belonging, and non-
indigenous minorities as ‘other’, a racial microaggression which illustrates the ‘hiding in plain
sight’ nature of normative unconscious processes. I was raised by my Mother and Nana until
I was fourteen and then by my father through my teenage years, so have had a split cultural
experience which has afforded me a unique position of being both a participant and observer
of my two family cultures. Issues of culture and ‘race’ were peripheral through most of my life,
and it is through the knowledge and experience gained through the study of psychodynamic
psychotherapy that I recognise consciously, the impact these have had, both in my sense of
myself in the world and in my self-identity.
My husband is of first generation New Zealand European descent and we have three children.
My role as a mother is another lens I bring to this work: my children are a mix of shades
between fair, blond and blue eyed to dark brown, dark haired and brown eyed. I have a vested
interest in addressing the unconscious racism that still exists in our society today as I would
like to think that all my children will get the same opportunities and treatment, and in our current
climate I fear that this will not be the case. I feel passionately that addressing our unconscious
racism as a society is necessary in order to pass on a more equitable legacy to our future
generations.
Aim and scope
Through this research I explore the intrapsychic layers that operate unconsciously in the
experience of unintentional racial microaggressions. I am interested in how we can access
and change unconscious racialisation through exploring what we discover in the space
between racial realities which becomes visible during racial microaggression encounters. I
question whether deeper understanding can be fostered inter-psychically (through, with and
by) “the joint functioning and reciprocal influences of two (or more) minds” (Bolognini, 2004. p.
337). The theory and research on racial microaggressions provides an observable foundation

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and a language for my exploration. I build on this knowledge using a psychodynamic lens to
explore subjectively, the deeper processes of unconscious racialisation. I could not source
unintentional racial microaggression research specific to psychodynamic psychotherapy in
Aotearoa, a context in which I suggest it is clearly relevant. I contribute a study of this
experience in Aotearoa, via heuristic exploration. The scope of this research includes a
subjective exploration of the intrapsychic processes of unconscious racialisation in both
recipient and perpetrator, and the underlying dynamics which occur intersubjectively. I
contextualise this with a historical overview and exploration of racial engagement in Aotearoa.
Overview of chapters
In chapter one, I introduce racial microaggression research and consider this in relation to the
vignette which was the inspiration for this research. In chapter three, I explore the methodology
with which I undertake this exploration, I outline the method and the phases of a heuristic self-
study and my experience of this journey. The fourth chapter contains a literature view on racial
microaggression research. The following two chapters are part of my immersion process;
chapter five is a subjective microanalysis of the dynamics in the vignette through a
psychodynamic perspective; chapter six explores Aotearoa’s historical and contemporary
societal context. Chapter seven summarises my findings- the illuminations, explication and
creative synthesis of my heuristic self-search. Finally, chapter eight includes the discussion of
findings and implications for the field of psychotherapy

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Chapter Three- Methodology and method
Heuristic methodology and method
Heuristic self-search inquiry is my chosen methodology and method for this research, in which
I journey into this previously unexplored territory inside myself. The following poem reflects
my sense of self-discovery and liberation through this experience, of bringing something
painful into the light so it could be understood, grieved, and processed. In this chapter, I
explore the theoretical underpinnings of this method, outline the paradigm within which it sits,
explain why I chose this methodology and how it resonates with my worldview, my topic, and
the discipline of psychotherapy.
My voice
She felt them.
Those words,
the feelings a key
to a door that has never been opened,
to a secret universe
where She hides.
Her voice,
a whisper.
Where silence is safety
she wants Her voice,
it’s time.
She opens the door
the ‘I who feels’
and finds Herself
in a lonely sanctuary, or was it a prison
inside herself.
The journey
a final frontier,
A pioneer
For her own liberation.
My voice.
Malik McCann
7th July, 2020.
Heuristic research was first elucidated by Moustakas (1990). It is a qualitative
phenomenological research methodology and method, which aims to discover meaning in
significant human experience (Douglass & Moustakas, 1985). It is a process of exploration
which emphasises the interiority of experience (Sela-Smith, 2002). Douglass & Moustakas
describe it as “a passionate and discerning personal involvement in problem solving, an effort
to know the essence of some aspect of life through internal pathways of the self” (1985, p. 39).

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In the heuristic process the researcher’s “attention is focused inward on feeling responses of
the researcher to the outward situation” (Sela-Smith, 2002. p. 59). Moustakas describes it as
a deeply personal investigation involving “self-search, self-dialogue, and self-discovery” (1990,
p. 11). It is a process which values “imagination, intuition, self-reflection and the tacit
dimension in the search for knowledge” (Douglass & Moustakas, 1985. p.39). Unlike other
phenomenological studies, heuristic research requires that the experience is undergone by
the researcher in a vital way (Moustakas, 1990). New understanding gained through the
heuristic process can result in self-transformation (Moustakas, 1990).
This research is motivated by my lived experience which aligns with the heuristic research
approach (Moustakas, 1990). Undertaking this internal exploration on the heuristic path which
has been walked by others feels reassuringly holding on a journey into the unknown depths of
myself. It is a methodology which allows space to explore what may come from the inward
journey, as opposed “to discovering the truth of a hypothesis” through objective observation
as quantitative methodology entails (Grant & Giddings, 2002, p. 14).
Interpretive paradigm
Heuristic methodology is situated within the interpretive paradigm (Guba & Lincoln, 1994). The
central aim of which is to seek understanding of subjective human experience (Guba &Lincoln,
1994). Interpretivism assumes ontologically that reality is constructed in our minds, and that
there are multiple realities (Edirisingha, 2012), which are relative and perception based
(Hirschman, 1986). Perceptions of reality are understood to be both time and context specific
(Edirisingha, 2012).
Epistemologically, interpretivism assumes that people construct knowledge both subjectively
and intersubjectively (McCann, 2019), rather than determining it objectively through sensory
observation as positivism suggests (Carson, et al., 2001). It posits that there are multiple
truth’s which are discovered through thought (Grant & Giddings, 2002). It is socially and
culturally influenced with a focus on people’s ‘life world’, (McGregor & Murname,
2010). Qualitative methods are generally used in interpretive research (Guba & Lincoln,
1994). The structure of interpretive research is flexible, receptive, and open to new knowledge
rather than narrowly focused on hypothesised cause and effect relationships (Edirisingha,
2012).
Resonating
Having a spacious framework which guides me into the meaning of my experience, feels
validating of my experience which is sometimes questioned in my position as a mixed ‘race’
minority in a western dominant society. This valuing of experience feels holding in moments
where I find myself consumed by self-doubt in this process.

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I appreciate that it incorporates subjective experience into research that has previously been
dominated by a positivist philosophy (Sela-Smith, 2002). I believe it is important to capture the
intangible elements of the experience, and that a focus only on what can be observed misses
so much of what is vital to our understanding of our own humanity. For this particular topic, it
feels vital that I capture the essence of my subjectivity within the context of society and
relational engagement, in order to elucidate the pervasive themes which lie beneath the
shadowy territory of unconscious racialisation.
Heuristic research honours “knowledge that is embedded and integrated within the self
through understanding of the self in relation to, and in the context of the dynamic whole”
(Moustakas, 1990. p27). It includes transparency, and the values and world view of the
researcher, rather than defining and bracketing them as phenomenology requires (Sultan,
2019). As a woman of mixed heritage, born and raised in Aotearoa, my values, world view,
and the context of my life are inherently interwoven with the meaning I make of my experience
of unintentional racial microaggressions and their connection to unconscious racialisation. The
explicit inclusion of these factors feels necessary to capture the essence and meaning I make
of my experience which is also subjective, intangible and context specific.
Sela-Smith (2002) describes the cyclical nature of feeling responses to external experience,
which create meaning that in turn influences our being in the world and organises our culture,
worldview, and paradigms of reality. This is pertinent in the study of unintentional racial
microaggressions as a doorway into unconscious racialisation, because of the interactive
nature between societal, interpersonal and intrapsychic realms of experience. It also speaks
to the value of learning about the macrocosm by going deeply into the microcosm and vice
versa. It suggests that what is discovered in the deepest and most intimate details of one
person’s experience may contribute to understanding of the phenomena as a whole.
Heuristic methodology is research primarily of introspection, with the intention to gain insight
into ourselves much like the journey of psychotherapy (O’Hara, 1986). It is also relational and
contextual, and inherently honours the interacting relationship between self and the
environment. Sela-Smith speaks of the interiority of our experience as the ‘final frontier’ which
has the potential to bring expanded understanding (Sela-Smith, 2002. p54). It asks us to ‘travel
inward’ as we ask our clients to ‘travel inward’ in order to form new and reorganising insight,
which can lead to transformation. I believe we must look towards our own unconscious
racialisation, if we are to address racism in a meaningful way.
Psychodynamic training hones this muscle of self-reflection and indwelling which is imperative
in heuristic methodology. It asks the researcher to “follow the feelings” (Sela-Smith, 2002. p.

27
61) in the same way that we guide clients to follow their feelings, to value the wealth of self-
knowledge that they tap into, bringing what is unconscious into the light of conscious knowing.
Heuristic processes
“What meaning may be made regarding unconscious racialisation from making, encountering
and challenging unintentional racial microaggressions as a person of mixed race in Aotearoa
New Zealand?”. To answer this question heuristically asks that emphasis is placed on my own
internal frame of reference, self-dialogue, tacit knowing, intuition and indwelling (Moustakas,
1990).
Sela-Smith (2002) further clarified this method, and extrapolated that psychological research
incorporates the internal subjective experience of the I-who-feels (p. 59). “Feeling” provides
the door, and heuristic inquiry provides the key to the territory of the upper left quadrant of the
“I who feels” ( Sela-Smith, 2002; Wilber, 1995). Sela-Smith (2002) speculates that it is not the
thinking-observing self, but rather the I-who-feels who is experiencing the feeling that provides
access to the aspects of the tacit dimension of nonverbal thought. The ‘I who feels’ refers to
the upper left quadrant of Wilber’s (1995) four quadrants of knowledge.
Figure 1.
Wilber’s four quadrants of knowledge (1995).
Reproduced from Sela-Smith, 2002.
Interior- The ‘I’ intentional subjective
Thoughts, emotions, memories, states of
mind, perceptions and immediate sensations
Exterior- ‘You’ (it) behavioural objective
Material body (including brain) anything you
can see or touch in time and space
Interior- “We’ intersubjective cultural
Shared values, meanings, language,
relationships and cultural background
Exterior- ‘Them’ (it) inter-objective social
Systems, networks, technology,
government and the natural environment
Note: I observed and dialogued with these quadrants in my own exploration; the
collective ‘we’ and ‘them’, the objective ‘you’, returning to the ‘I who feels’, my
subjective internal response to these perspectives.
Wilber’s (1995) integral philosophy (cited in Forman, 2010. p. 3) captures the essence of
intersubjectivity that I found valuable to hold in mind, holding both the ‘reality’ of my own
perception while leaving space for other ‘realities’ alongside it.

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• What is real and important depends on one’s perspective.
• Everyone is at least partially right about what they argue is real and important.
• By bringing together these partial perspectives, we can construct a more complete and
useful set of truths.
Heuristic processes always relate back to the internal frame of reference. “Whether knowledge
derived is attained through tacit, intuitive, or observed phenomena—whether the knowledge
is deepened and extended... through indwelling, focusing, self-searching, or dialogue with
others—its medium or base is the internal frame of reference” (Moustakas, 1990. p. 27).
Self-dialogue is the vehicle to be able to discover the constituents and qualities that make up
an experience (Moustakas, 1990). One's own self-discoveries, awareness, and understanding
are the initial steps of the process (Moustakas, 1990). In immersion I began a dialogue with
this phenomenon, considering and reflecting between its observable manifestations and my
own experience, “to engage in a rhythmic flow with it—back and forth, again and again”
(Moustakas, 1990. p.16) from whole to part, from concept to experience, from thoughts to
feelings, from societal to individual and back again, to understand the problem more fully
through the power of direct experience. “In self-dialogue, one faces oneself and must be
honest with oneself and one's experience relevant to the question or problem” (Moustakas,
1990. p. 23).
Tacit knowledge is deeply embedded in the self and not normally available to conscious
awareness (Moustakas, 1990; Polanyi, 1969). Sela-Smith states “The tacit dimension of
personal knowledge is that internal place where experience, feeling, and meaning join together
to form both a picture of the world and a way to navigate that world” (2002. p. 59). It is a
continually growing multileveled structural foundation on which all other knowledge stands
(Sela-Smith, 2002). This deep dimension of knowledge is under construction each time a new
experience is introduced (Sela-Smith, 2002). An ongoing process occurs by which “if what is
‘out there’ doesn’t match ‘in here’, new evaluations, thoughts, feelings and behaviours must
be formed to make new wholes” (Stern, 1985, p. 260). I believe this process was necessary
to transform my own incorrect tacit knowledge regarding unconscious racialisation.
Intuition refers to “an internal capacity to make inferences and arrive at a knowledge of
underlying structures or dynamics” (Moustakas, 1990. p.24). Through intuition a bridge is
formed between the implicit knowledge inherent in the tacit and the explicit knowledge which
is observable and describable (Moustakas, 1990). “Intuition makes immediate knowledge
possible without the intervening steps of logic and reasoning” (Moustakas, 1990.
p.24). Surrendering to one's inner wisdom is required to achieve integration, unity and
wholeness (Moustakas, 1990).

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“Indwelling refers to the heuristic process of turning inward to seek a deeper, more extended
comprehension of the nature or meaning of a quality or theme of human experience”
(Moustakas, 1990. p.25). Every possible nuance, texture, fact and meaning is drawn from
dwelling inside the peripheral and central factors of the phenomenon (Moustakas, 1990). “It
follows clues wherever they appear; dwells inside them and expands their meanings and
associations until a fundamental insight is achieved” (Moustakas, 1990. p.26). Unwavering
attention to the researcher’s experience is required to foster understanding of its qualities and
to find holistic creative synthesis (Moustakas, 1990).
These processes align well with the self-reflexivity fostered in psychodynamic psychotherapy
training. They feel essential to make meaning of the experience of making, encountering, and
challenging unintentional racial microaggressions which are observable but whose meaning
is interpreted subjectively through each individual's internal frame of reference. This
framework allows me to explore the dynamics of unconscious racialisation which is abstract
and not suitable for purely positivistic interpretation.
Parameters
As this is a self-study, the findings of my experience will not represent that of all Pasifika and
Māori people. I am aware of the danger of absolutes and arbitrary categorizing of racial, ethnic,
and cultural experiences as being clearly defined and separate. I generalise Māori, Pasifika
and Pākehā identities for practicalities sake in this dissertation while acknowledging that these
groups are not homogenous. While there are commonalities which are valuable to identify
within ‘races’, ethnicities and cultures, there are always differences within and similarities
between these identities. Being a heuristic study, the literature view and theories I choose to
frame my experience are not exhaustive; rather they represent that which I was personally
most drawn to.
Limits
Being a heuristic self-search inquiry, I offer my own subjective experience, perception and
interpretation of events and dynamics including my perception of others who do not have a
voice in this dissertation. A consideration of my perception of ‘the ‘other’ felt essential in coming
to understand my own process and to make meaning of what occurred intersubjectively in
these moments. With the guidance of qualitative and quantitative research on this topic and
various theoretical conceptualisations I suggest underlying dynamics of those who are a
counterpoint to my position in these interactions, but emphasise that this is only my
interpretation. I use group supervision and feedback from others of diverse racial and cultural
backgrounds as recommended by Rose and Loewenthal (2006), to assist in alerting me to my
blind spots. Because of the nature of this topic, I imagine I will still inevitably have them.

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Phases
In this chapter, I describe the method of heuristic self-search inquiry, its phases, and my
experience of each phase. The framework for heuristic inquiry outlined by Moustakas (1990)
follows six phases. Initial engagement, immersion, incubation, illumination, explication and
creative synthesis (Moustakas, 1990).
The researcher must remain internally focused and dwell within the
feelings of the tacit dimension, allowing the six phases to unfold naturally
by surrendering to the feeling state of the subjective “I.” (Sela- Smith,
2002, p. 63).
Initial engagement
“The task of the initial engagement is to discover an intense interest, a passionate concern
that calls out to the researcher, one that holds important social meanings and personal,
compelling implications” (Moustakas, 1990. p. 27). My engagement with this topic began with
a profound experience, which opened up an only vaguely known place inside myself which I
felt a deep desire to understand. Moustakas (1990) speaks of the personal question, rooted
in tacit knowledge, creating a sense of unease that the researcher seeks to resolve, which
also has a potentially broader significance. This phenomenon of unconscious racialisation is
difficult to grasp at its depths from an empirical perspective. It holds great significance as it is
part of the invisible framework of society and thus the social unconscious, and therefore cannot
easily be addressed. It is a phenomenon which insidiously leaves the imprint of society in the
psyche, which is maintained through social discourse over generations. Formulating
something which is usually unspoken has been challenging. Discovering the language of racial
microaggressions, I found a foundation, an observable starting place. Adding unconscious
racialisation to my question satisfied the depths to which I wished to go in this exploration. I
hoped to use the observable manifestations of unintentional racism to explore the intrapsychic
processes and outcomes of unconscious racialisation. I included making, encountering,
challenging unintentional racial microaggressions intentionally, as a way to remain open to the
reality that I may at times be a perpetrator as well as a victim in this phenomenon. An
intersubjective focus on the dynamics of this issue, highlights its’ relational and cyclical nature
in that what gets unconsciously ingested is likely to be unconsciously egested in some form.
Immersion
Loewenthal and Winter (2006) describes immersion into the topic in question to the point
where it permeates every aspect of day to day life. My immersion involved journaling to capture
my own process and my responses to social discourse, research, current affairs, social media
threads, and other depictions of racial microaggressions in Aotearoa. I was alarmed at how

31
prevalent racial ruptures were, and was unsure if this was due to current social issues and/ or
I was becoming more attuned to what was always there. During immersion, I was drawn to
explore the interpersonal aspects of my personal experience in the vignette, to put words to
my sense of the underlying interpersonal dynamics, and to place my experience in context by
exploring the historical and societal environment of Aotearoa. These explorations were
unavoidably a subjective interpretation, and I was concerned I was diverging from the purely
inward focused heuristic inquiry. Yet as I went deeper into the process, I felt that the splitting
of psyche and society were reflective of the dynamics of this phenomenon. I found the external
exploration crucial in making meaning of my own unconscious racialisation.
Resistance
At times my immersion into the relational and societal aspects of this question became a
distraction, which reflected the resistance that Sela-Smith described to feeling unbearable pain
which can lead us to “shift the research from the self’s experience of the experience, to
focusing on the idea of the experience” (Sela-Smith, 2002. p. 52). She counselled overcoming
this ambivalence by recognising and acknowledging one’s own resistance.
If I can find the external enemy I can engage, challenge and sometimes
attack but what it protects me from is recognising that there are two
battlefields, and the other resides in myself.
Journal entry. 3rd September, 2020.
At times, (as I perceived both society and the group to do), I used racism ‘out there’ as a
convenient container to rally against, rather than attending to the discomfort of addressing
aspects of my own racialisation. Fighting it ‘out there’ was perhaps an unconscious reprieve
from confronting self-examination. As my journey progressed, I began to understand
resistance as a vital aspect of this phenomenon. Even in the process of looking outward, I was
learning about aspects of my own psyche, which I was not yet fully able to grasp.
Incubation
I am not in immersion or illumination right now but in a crushing state of
inertia and stress. Incubation?
Journal entry. 6th June, 2020.
Incubation often happened of its own accord when I reached saturation, a place I would often
reach not by choice, but out of necessity. It also happened outside of any scheduling I had
planned, a protective mechanism which kicked in when my feeling, thinking self was spent.
Incubation necessitates retreating from the intense, concentrated focus on the question
(Moustakas, 1990). Detaching from conscious contemplation to allow a resting phase
facilitates a space where tacit knowing and intuition can surface (Moustakas, 1990). The space
to clarify and understand on levels outside of immediate awareness “results in discoveries that

32
do not occur through deliberate mental operations and directed effort” (Moustakas, 1990. p.
29). Incubation, particularly moments of freedom from the grip of intense deliberation often led
to illumination.
Illumination
Illumination involves facilitating a receptive state of mind without conscious striving or
concentration, a space for synthesis (Moustakas, 1990). It felt magical to experience the way
tacit knowing and intuition created these moments of illumination that came when I was
absorbed in a task where conscious thought felt suspended. In the shower, while walking,
swimming in the ocean, when driving; these were the seemingly inconsequential moments
when new insights would rise from the unconscious. Illumination came in fragments, which
can be summarised in five themes- 1. Internalised racial self-states and their relationship to
the ‘I who feels’; 2. Awakening to the power of unconscious racialisation and its’ influence on
my psyche; 3. The impact of essentialist racial constructs; 4. Opening to my own disavowed.
5. Healing experiences of an interracial intersubjective third. These are discussed in chapter
seven.
Explication
Explication is “to fully examine what has awakened in consciousness, in order to understand
its various layers of meaning” (Moustakas, 1990. p31). I utilise focusing, indwelling, and self-
searching, allowing meanings which were unique and distinctive to my experience and which
depended on my internal frame of reference. This phase oriented my own experience within
the wider context of society and interpersonal engagement. A zooming in, then out, then in
again from my inner world, to the outer world and back.
I feel like Neo in the Matrix, woken from an illusion. Much like the Matrix,
I believe society and the social unconscious to constitute a powerful force
which creates an invisible web that suspends us in a system much
greater than ourselves, but is also sustained by us as individuals. Like a
child adapts unconsciously to their early environment in ways they are
unaware, I believe I too have adapted unconsciously to hold
(hierarchical) racialised positions which exist in society and echo in my
psyche.
Journal entry. 3rd June, 2021.
This journal entry captures my sense of explication as a growing critical consciousness,
“learning to perceive social, political, and economic contradictions, and to take action against
the oppressive elements of reality” (Friere, 1994. p. 17). Watts and colleagues (1999, p. 255)
described critical consciousness as an “antidote to oppression” due to its ability to provide
people with the awareness, motivation, and agency to recognize and address societal
inequities. I see this awareness as also necessary to recognise and address the imprint of

33
racialisation (both oppression, oppressed and oppressor) on my inner self which involved
painful confrontation of my own disavowed racialisation, a recognition trauma on both sides of
this binary equation.
Creative synthesis
There is something transpersonal about what emerges that seems to
take on a life of its own. It is an amazing time of synchronicity, harmony,
connection and integration. (Sela- Smith, 2002, p. 69).
Creative synthesis occurs when the components, core themes and learnings about the
question can be synthesised and communicated. Moustakas (1990) notes that these phases
do not follow a linear progression and may occur and be revisited many times. I identify key
learnings through creative expression, which translated into transformation in my tacit
knowledge and self-transformation.
I am finding freedom from the exhaustion of feeling I have to conform, to
prove I am something else. This dissertation is shaking off the shackles
of an invisible imprisonment in a world of measuring myself between two
ideals, the western perspective and the essentialist notions of being
Pasifika and finding myself coming up short. A freeing of the desire to
have to prove myself to be enough. To realise that ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ are
arbitrary. I am more complex than any binary constructs which exist
outside of myself. I am acceptable to me.
Journal entry. 4th June, 2021.
From my internal frame of reference, the narrative of my life experience, I gain a sense of how
my particular iteration of racialisation was formed. This also illuminated how it was previously
unconscious; it was woven into the fabric of family and my society and hidden in plain sight,
as I imagine it is for all of us, regardless of ‘race’ in Aotearoa.
Critique of the heuristic process
Limits
I found the freedom within this process terrifying at times. The permission I had within this
method to follow my intuition, hunches, and curiosity led to an expansive exploration of
context, environment, and the in-between; an overwhelming deluge of stimuli to metabolise.
At times, trusting the process was a challenge, and my level of self-doubt was overwhelming,
particularly in my internal experience of viewing this phenomenon from shifting and varying
paranoid schizoid racialised self-states.
I find it challenging to hold the vulnerability that my findings are my truth in this moment as
opposed to The Truth. The vulnerability I feel in my self-disclosure in this research, and the
part of myself which projects invalidation within this topic, are deeply uncomfortable to sit with.
An ethical consideration in the heuristic process alongside the challenge of self-exposure is of

34
being true to my experience while protecting the identity of others. Affective distancing, the
protective comfort of concrete ‘knowing’ and the safety of framing individual experience
anonymously within some research methods are comforts which aren’t afforded in this
process.
Strengths
The strengths of this process represent the flip side to the limits already defined. The
spaciousness of the heuristic process was liberating. As a person who lives historically by
many ‘should’s’, I found this framework ‘holding enough’ while feeling free to forge my own
path within it. Observing and journaling my experience through periods of self-doubt and
fragmentation as part of the Heuristic process were crucial in coming to understand them as
manifestations of this phenomenon. I was also assured that feeling lost was a common aspect
of the heuristic journey, which helped me maintain trust in the process. The knowledge that
this dissertation speaks to my truth or ‘a’ truth, helped me to be wary of concrete thinking which
is an integral challenge in this phenomenon which tends towards binary and concrete thinking.
There is a freedom from external judgements of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ in knowing that my
conceptualisation primarily needs to feel valid to myself.
Another strength in the heuristic method is the consideration of intersubjectivity and the macro
(society and the interpersonal) in relation to the micro. This felt essential in this exploration
which feels so clearly about the interplay of society, the interpersonal, and the self. “It is now
broadly accepted that central issues concerning self-consciousness should not be studied by
taking into account the individual alone, but also by exploring the role of intersubjectivity and
interaction with the social environment” (Crone & Huemer, 2018. p.2).

35
Chapter Four- Literature view
The impact of racial micro-aggressive experiences reside in the body, and are often
inaccessible to words (Schmidt, 2018). The feelings that arose from my experience as
illustrated in the vignette in chapter one felt deeply embodied, yet putting words to the
experience took time. In this literature view I explore research on the experience of racial
microaggressions for a variety of minority peoples in everyday life, within academic and
training settings, in the workplace and finally, in the therapeutic environment.
There are twelve research papers included in this chapter. Research was sourced from
psychotherapy and psychology databases- PEP, Psych-articles and Psych-info. Initially the
search terms “racial microaggressions” and “qualitative research” were used, with the edition
of “psychotherap*”, “therap* alliance” and “counselling” to source research specific to the
clinical setting. The research is predominantly qualitative, sourced from psychoanalysis and
associated disciplines of psychology, social work and counselling.
Microaggression research
Minorities experience of everyday racial microaggressions
Everyday experiences of racial microaggressions by varying minority groups have been
elucidated through research. This includes Asian Americans (Sue, et al., 2007b), Filipino
Americans (Nadal et al., 2012), Black Americans (Sue et al., 2008a), and university students
of Indigenous Canadian descent (Canel-Çınarbaş & Yohani, 2019; Clark, et al., 2014). Racial
microaggressions were experienced by all minority groups studied, with both global themes
and others which appeared ‘race’ specific. For Black Americans, themes included denial of
individual racism, assumption of criminality, inferiority and lower intellect and colour-blindness
(Sue et al., 2008a). For Asian Americans themes included being an alien in one’s own land,
perpetually foreign even when second or third generation, denial of their racial reality,
invalidation of ‘racial’ difference, pathologizing of cultural values and communication styles,
second class citizenship, and invisibility (Sue, et al., 2007b). For indigenous Canadians overt
expressions of racism were commonly experienced, including discrimination and racial
segregation (Canel-Çınarbaş & Yohani, 2019). Covert racial microaggressions including
assumption of inferiority and criminality, invalidation, denial of personal racism and the myth
of meritocracy were also reported, aligning with other minority experiences (Canel-Çınarbaş
& Yohani, 2019). These studies gave voice to the experience of racial microaggressions by
minorities in The United States, Canada and The United Kingdom.
These everyday microaggressions form a picture of specific racial
constructs which have in common, the positioning of a discrete inferior

36
racial ‘other’. There is an unspoken juxta positioning within these
assumptions for those on the opposite side of this binary, which infer
belonging, entitlement, superiority, trustworthiness, validation, visibility,
and a ‘right’ way. To me this captures the intrapsychic privilege of Pākeha
and the intrapsychic disadvantage of minorities which can play out
unconsciously in microaggression dynamics. I have experienced many
of the microaggressions discussed, as a ‘Brown’ person in Aotearoa
committed by individuals who believe they are not racist. As a person of
mixed heritage, have I internalised both positions?
Journal entry, 4th April, 2021.
Reaction to racial microaggressions
Sue and colleagues (2008b) explored the psychological processes of Black American
participants regarding their perception and interpretation of racial microaggressions.
Unintentional micro-aggressive incidents were categorised as verbal (such as assumptions
based on stereotypes), non-verbal (for example a shopkeeper placing change on the counter
rather than into a customers outstretched hand), and environmental (for example people of
colour in predominantly entry level positions or middle management, while executives are
predominantly White). Psychological responses of recipients involved the difficulty of deciding
whether the incident was intentional or not and following this, deciding whether or how to
respond (Sue et al., 2008b). Paranoia was identified as a common response to regular
experiences of racial microaggressions (Sue et al., 2008b). Common strategies to manage
the affective disturbance of these experiences included sanity checks with other of the same
‘race’ and self-validation, “it’s not me, it’s their white unconsciousness” (Sue et al, 2008b, p.
332). Another common factor identified was resistance to confronting the racial
microaggression for fear of hurting the offender, a form of rescuing (Sue et al, 2008b). The
interpretation by participants of these experiences included “you are intellectually inferior”,
“you do not belong” and “you are all the same” (Sue et al, 2008b. p. 333). The psychological
effects of racial microaggressions included feelings of invisibility (not being noticed or
acknowledged); forced compliance; a sense of powerlessness to question subtle acts of
discrimination for fear of being labelled hypersensitive or angry and the necessity of presenting
an accommodating false self (Sue et al, 2008b. p. 334).
Constantine and colleagues (2008), explored the experience and impact of racial
microaggressions in academia by people of colour who worked in counselling/ counselling
psychology. Themes included inadequate mentoring; identifying which intersecting social
constructs the discrimination was based on (for example gender, ‘race’ or class); alternating
feelings of invisibility and hypervisibility; credentials being questioned by colleagues and
students (Constantine et al., 2008). Participants described a sense of needing to work harder
to be recognised as legitimate scholars (Constantine et al., 2008). Strategies described to
cope with racial microaggressions included confronting the perpetrator/s; distancing from

37
colleagues and acquiescence to the reality of racism in the academic environment
(Constantine, 2008).
Aside from challenging microaggressions (which often comes at a cost),
the strategies outlined by minorities to manage their responses involve a
great deal of psychological effort and self-management, while the
behavioural implications and overall impact on those in the dominant
position seem minimal. I feel deep sadness as I consider the
psychological effects of experiencing microaggressions- the
powerlessness, paranoia, sense of invisibility, fear of being labelled
angry or over-sensitive and acceptance that ‘this is just how it is’ which
resonate with my own internal experience. I also consider the
intersectionality of ‘race’, class and gender constructs representing
layers of discrimination which are difficult to distinguish at times. I feel so
frustrated by this dynamic which seems designed to silence minorities
and maintain comfort for the perpetrator, reinforcing an asymmetrical
status quo.
Journal entry. 4th April, 2021.
Racial microaggressions within counselling and psychology training
An interracial study of post-graduate counselling students in the United Kingdom explored how
issues of ‘race’ were implicit within their training and supervision regarding clinical work
(McKenzie-Mavinga, 2005). Themes for students of colour included “finding a voice” and
“recognition trauma”, while the discomfort of talking about racism, processing guilt and
defensive reactions were identified as central themes for White participants (McKenzie-
Mavinga, 2005).
This process of exploring racial issues was what I was hoping to initiate
in sharing my experience. I imagine how valuable it would have been to
experience the difficulty of ‘race talk’ within our training, and to build
tolerance and recognition of how unconscious racism/ racialisation
manifests in ourselves, before experiencing these dynamics in the
clinical environment.
This dissertation is my own process of ‘finding a voice’ and ‘recognition
trauma’. I feel myself emerging from what feels like racial dissociation. I
am more attuned to recognising damaging racialising experiences, which
I imagine I previously managed out of conscious awareness, and to feel
their impact on my psyche. I also resonate with the guilt and discomfort
of facing my own racism and its impact on others, a grieving process on
both sides of the equation.
Journal entry. 5th April, 2021.
Constantine & Sue (2007) conducted qualitative research on the experience of Black
supervisees in cross-racial dyads. Microaggression themes included stereotypic assumptions
made by supervisors regarding clients and supervisees of colour; invalidation of racial and
cultural issues; supervisors focusing primarily on clinical weakness and reluctance to provide
authentic performance feedback for fear of offending the supervisor. Racial microaggressions
were identified as “detrimental to supervisees, the supervisory relationship, and, indirectly, to

38
clients of colour” (p. 142). It was noted that unconscious racism could manifest in the
supervision process by supervisors even after cultural competence training (Constantine &
Sue, 2007).
My own supervision experiences have varied. When racial and cultural
differences were acknowledged and able to be spoken about, this
contributed to a sense of mutual respect, recognition and safety. I found
it valuable to be able to consider unconscious racialised positions and
realities between the supervisor, myself and clients and how these might
interact with each other in the context of greater society. I felt both
supported and challenged in my clinical work.
These contrast with interracial supervision experiences where I’ve felt
silenced regarding racial dynamics. In one experience during training I
shared with a clinical supervisor that I was feeling increasingly unseen in
the supervision relationship and was finding it difficult to hold my own
mind alongside theirs. I acknowledged that my internal dynamics (my
racialisation) were part of the picture and that I thought this was related
to the inherent power asymmetry and different lived experiences
between us as a Pākeha male supervisor and a ‘Brown’ female
supervisee. I perceived the supervisor to respond defensively, asserting
adamantly that this feeling was due solely to my projection, and maybe it
was. Yet his conviction without self-reflection felt telling and familiar. I felt
increasingly unsafe and wary in the supervision space and wanting to be
transparent and respectful, I spoke with my supervisor directly,
requesting a more suitable fit. This request was ignored and I was later
failed on the learning outcome of ‘using supervision for self-reflection of
client work’. Although accurate in this situation, I found this ironic. As I
perceived it, his defensiveness, resistance to reflect or dialogue on racial
issues inevitably resulted in my lack of trust and safety in the supervision
relationship. In this experience I felt silenced and stuck, with no clear
institutional guidelines through which to navigate this issue.
Journal entry. 7th April, 2021.
Racial microaggressions in the clinical setting
Recent studies have centred on racial microaggressions in the clinical setting, exploring how
they are experienced, addressed or not addressed, their impact on the clinical relationship and
on micro-interventions by which microaggressions may be addressed to navigate ruptures.
Constantine (2007) conducted a mixed method study which explored African American clients'
experience of racial microaggressions by therapists in interracial counselling. The study found
a correlation between unaddressed racial microaggressions and perceived lower therapeutic
alliance, counsellor competence and satisfaction with the overall therapeutic relationship
(Constantine, 2007 cited). The study concluded that racial microaggressions left unaddressed,
may result in ruptures to the therapeutic alliance and can contribute to early termination of
therapy by minority clients (Constantine, 2007). Qualitative focus groups exploring racial
microaggression themes in the clinical encounter were also undertaken. Emergent themes
echoed the everyday racial microaggressions identified by Sue and colleagues (2005), with

39
the addition of themes related specifically to the therapy environment (Constantine, 2007).
Themes included denial of personal racism, colour-blindness, over-identification, minimising
of cultural issues, accused hypersensitivity around racial issues, assumption of stereotypes,
culturally insensitive treatment recommendations, sub-optimal behaviours accepted because
of racial membership, idealisation and dysfunctional helping or patronising (Constantine,
2007). Clients noted that attempting to address the racial microaggression often resulted in
further misunderstanding and was potentially more injurious than the initial microaggression
(Constantine, 2007).
Miranda (2013) conducted a qualitative, semi-structured interview study exploring the
experience of racial microaggressions in cross racial therapy by second generation Asian and
Latina women. This study found that the therapeutic relationship mirrored participants
everyday cross racial interactions (Miranda, 2013). Navigating racial microaggression
encounters which involved managing and repairing the therapeutic relationship were identified
as key tasks by participants (Miranda, 2013). Repeated incidents of racial microaggressions
when challenged by the client, were frequently reported to be minimised or invalidated by the
therapist (Miranda, 2013). These incidents were often followed by the clients early termination
(Miranda, 2013). Some participants reported handling racial microaggressions by
compartmentalising issues of ‘race’ to protect themselves from additional micro-aggressive
injury (Miranda, 2013). Navigating multiple identities (American, and Latino or Asian) were
identified as a supplementary difficulty faced by participants (Miranda, 2013).
Chang and Berk (2009) determined that racial microaggressions were a common experience
in therapy. When microaggression ruptures were raised, acknowledged, and processed
together they were reported to form a stronger therapeutic alliance (Chang & Berk, 2009).
However, therapist responses to conversations about racial and cultural difference using the
strategies of colour-blindness and undermining or invalidating the client’s experience tended
to create further ruptures, often resulting in early client termination (Chang & Berk, 2009).
Lee and colleagues (2018) used critical discourse analysis to examine the dialogue of cross
racial dyads, exploring how clients and therapists strengthened or resisted contested values,
norms, and power using discursive tactics in therapy conversation. Examining therapy
transcripts where racial and culturally relevant conversation occurred in a cross-racial dyad,
all seven microaggressions proposed by Sue and colleagues (2007) were identified (Lee et
al., 2018). Lee and colleagues (2018) concluded that in cross-racial therapy, racial
microaggression ruptures are unavoidable. They recommended the study of these moments
as being beneficial towards increasing therapists inter-cultural reflexivity (Lee et al., 2018).

40
Santos and Dallos (2012) conducted a qualitative study in the United Kingdom exploring the
experience of cross racial dyads. This study had value as it looked at the cross-racial
experience from both the client and therapist's perspectives, although it did not explore racial
microaggressions specifically. Themes identified for White therapists in the thematic analysis
included wariness about speaking directly to ‘race’ for fear of offending the client, and
hypervigilance about political correctness (Santos & Dallos, 2012). Negative aspects of
working with Black clients were tempered by positive identifications towards the client group.
Clients (who identified as English, of African- Caribbean descent), stated that to make use of
their therapy experience, they followed an implicit rule of not speaking about racial issues in
therapy (Santos & Dallos, 2012). Minority clients were conscious of the power differential at
play in the therapy relationship which mirrored this phenomenon in their wider world (McCann,
2019). Santos and Dallos (2012) recommended that therapists be more active in bringing the
topic of race into the therapeutic space in order to take full account of the clients whole identity.
This research highlights the difficulty of talking about ‘race’ in cross racial dyads but also how
cultural competence includes the ability of therapists to do so (Santos & Dallos, 2012 cited in
McCann, 2019).
In my experience, having a therapist who was open to talking about ‘race’
and racism, and to acknowledging our different racialised positions in this
dynamic so that what happened between us could be explored was
deeply beneficial and healing. Statements I experienced as unintentional
racial microaggressions felt safe to raise, and were able to be worked
through in relationship. The dynamics of racialisation were
acknowledged as being mutually alive in the room, and not a pathology
that existed solely in myself. This facilitated a safety in which I could
consider my own conscious and unconscious racialisation and develop
critical consciousness of its presence in the external world.
This research highlights the anxiety and resulting avoidance that
therapists can feel in speaking to racial issues in interracial engagement.
When racism (which is unconscious racialisation) is revealed or
perceived through unintentional racial microaggressions and the client
challenges this, it is often responded to with denial. This protects the
therapist from acknowledging or recognising their own racialisation at
great cost to the client and the therapy relationship.
As the research highlights, this seems to be a common racial enactment.
Without acceptance of the likelihood of their own unconscious racial bias
and racialisation as therapists (as an inevitable response to a racist
society), they will not able to use the opportunities that arise in these
moments as an avenue into the clients exploration of their own
unconscious racialisation.
Journal entry. 10th April, 2021.
Ethical considerations regarding racial microaggressions research
An ethical consideration mentioned in racial microaggression research is the dilemma of
defining between (homogenised) categories of ‘race’ and ethnicity, which are highly

41
ambiguous. Researchers tended to navigate around this difficulty by declaring the use of these
terms interchangeably and stating that participants in the studies self-identified their racial or
ethnic category.
Another ethical consideration is the impact that partaking in these studies may have for those
participants in professional academic settings as students and employees in terms of both the
psychological cost and professional repercussions. It may be beneficial to factor this into the
research design.
Critics of racial microaggression theory
Lillenfield (2017) critiqued the conceptual basis for microaggressions as well as the scientific
rigor of academic scholarship on the concept. His arguments included concern for ambiguity;
asserting that ‘aggression’ implies a conscious intent where these transgressions are
unintentional, creating a paradox which encourages aggression in recipients. He also
suggested that calling out microaggressions created a victim culture in minorities, encouraging
hyper-vigilance and racial tension. Lilienfield (2017) framed microaggressions as cognitive
distortions in which individuals assumed "without attempts at verification—that others were
reacting negatively to them” (p. 147).
Williams (2020) systematically deconstructs Lilienfeld’s argument, highlighting that it omits the
fact that microaggressions are caused by racial bias and prejudice into which individuals are
socially conditioned. Williams refers to social-dominance theory (Sidanius & Pratto, 2012),
which suggests that socially constructed group based inequalities are fortified through
intergroup behaviours (microaggressions), including behavioural asymmetry and individual
prejudice (Sidanius & Pratto, 2012). Behaviours which are justified by socially constructed
legitimizing cultural myths, and perpetuate fabricated stereotypes that reinforce and
perpetuate inequality (Sidanius, Pratto, & Devereux, 1992).
While making an important point that cognitive distortions can occur, Lilienfield seems
unaware of the mutuality of distortions that occur on the other side of this dyad, or to the
societal context in which these are formed (assumably as a result of unconscious racialisation
and racialised object relations). This illustrates unconscious racialisation which pathologizes
and invalidates minority perceptions while the similar cognitive processes which occur in the
psyches of the privileged are conveniently omitted.
Aotearoa based racial microaggression research
Mayeda, Ofamo’oni and Dutton (2014) interviewed 90 high achieving Māori and Pacific
university students on their experiences with every-day colonialism and racism in Aotearoa.
The study identified interpersonal microaggressions and institutional Eurocentric norms as

42
detrimental to Māori and Pacific students’ feelings of inclusion and achievement in University
settings. Common racial microaggressions identified were the expression of surprise at Māori
and Pacific academic success, and invalidation of students who accessed training through
equity programmes. Intervening protective factors included integration of Māori and Pacific
learning practices, positive ethnic identity and support from university and family role models
(Mayeda et al, 2014; Walters & Simoni, 2002). Microinvalidations were not included in this
research.
Aotearoa based research on how to work with internalised racism in the client.
Emma Ellis’s (2015) work on how internalised racism in minority clients is identified and treated
by Pākehā psychotherapists feels complementary to this research, as it includes the interplay
between the unconscious racism of minority clients and Pākehā therapists in the clinical
encounter. Ellis interviewed four Pākehā therapists, identifying themes seen as beneficial to
the therapeutic process of addressing internalised racism. These included “recognising and
naming the client’s acceptance and identification with negative cultural and racial
stereotypes and representations (and linking this with wider social racism); the understanding
of clients’ dis -identification from their racial or cultural heritage; the therapist’s explicitness
about racial differences as an intervention; and connection to culture as a therapeutic aim”
(Ellis, 2015. p. 88). Therapists recognised that racial microaggressions contributed to ruptures
which led to premature termination of therapy by minority clients, but found it difficult to identify
their role in these dynamics (Ellis, 2015).
This literature view illustrates that microaggressions occur interracially in many contexts
including the therapeutic setting, and contribute to ruptures in relating and early termination in
therapy. This dynamic is an interplay of subjectivities and as Ellis (2015) highlights, those of
the dominant race often find it difficult to identify exactly how their unconscious racial bias
manifests, suggesting this as an area for further research.

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Chapter Five- Findings. The Interpersonal
In this chapter, I share a micro-analysis of my perception of the unconscious racial dynamics
in the vignette. This analysis is unavoidably influenced by my own selfobject and object
relations. Others perceptions of these interactions would undoubtedly differ. Yet considered
intersubjectively, an interplay between my internal world, and the self-object and object
relations of the group occurred which I felt drawn to explore. I make blanket observations of
‘the group’ but acknowledge that there were many differing subjectivities in the room.
Interracial dynamics
I posit these interactions reflect the interplay of dynamics that commonly occur in moments of
interracial conflict. Ellis (2018) states that, “for members of the dominant culture, racism
becomes embedded as automatic attitudes and behaviours towards minorities,
despite the conscious holding of liberal and non-racist beliefs and values” (p. 99). Yet
paradoxically, not being seen as tolerant of different ‘races’ and cultures can provoke anxiety
and fear of being labelled racist which can lead to a “silencing of inner responses and a state
of bewilderment, confusion and paralysis” (Dalal, 2012. p. 6). Where for minorities, racist
representations of culture and race become identified with or distanced from, perpetuating
inferiority, low self-esteem, hypervigilance and shame (Ellis, 2018. p. 99). These descriptions
capture my perception of the dynamics alive in these interactions.
I was confronted with my own disavowed racialisation in response to the initial comments
which I experienced as unintentional racial microaggressions. These interactions brought alive
a sense of double consciousness; of seeing myself as a ‘Brown person’ through the eyes of
the group who had ironically not recognised me as the ‘Brown people’ initially spoken of. In
speaking up, I was perhaps attempting to disempower a negative internalised view of myself
which was activated by the interactions as well as drawing attention to the assumptions made
by the group.
I suggest that highlighting assumptions (people see Brown people as “more shit”) and
disavowals (but not us), and sharing the impact of the interactions on myself in the moment,
also brought a sense of White double consciousness alive in the group, (a view of themselves
through my racial reality). I perceived this to trigger defensiveness and discomfort. For Whites,
honest discussions about ‘race’ are “impeded by fears of appearing racist, of realizing their
racism, of acknowledging White privilege” (Sue, 2015. p. 663). However resistance towards
authentically engaging means self-reflection doesn’t occur, and unconscious beliefs are acted
out without being directly addressed (Sue et al., 2013).

44
This dynamic feels infuriating, confusing and crazy-making. Dalal (2002) speaks of the double
bind of these experiences, one prong of which is racism, the other, denial of racism. As the
minority in the experience, my options felt limited. I suggest that the unconscious racialisation
of both myself and others in the group were palpable in these interactions. In my opinion this
moment was a moment of potential which was missed.
Racial re-enactments
Drawing attention to a different racial reality can destabilise group cohesion, activating
unconscious defenses to avoid unbearable feelings (Hopper, 2003; Fanon, 1986; Layton,
2006). Acknowledging difference threatens a fantasy of wholeness and sameness (Layton,
2006). I suggest that this challenge initiated a re-enactment, a hierarchically racialised trauma
present in Aotearoa’s social unconscious, in Hopper’s terms ‘an equivalence’. Hopper states
that the social unconscious is revealed when traumatized societies display in-cohesion,
containing different presentations of aggression, and protection against aggression, where
“members of a group purge themselves of unacceptable and dangerous feelings, ideas,
attributes and qualities by projecting them into particular people and sub-groups, who are then
peripheralized, marginalized, shunned and even banished” (Hopper, 2003. p. 337). This is
achieved with attitudes of indifference, hostility and withdrawal in response to “threats to
identity and to the boundaries of the self, narcissistic injury, affronts to self-esteem, confusion
and failed dependency” (Hopper, 2003. p. 336). This response resonates with my experience.
I felt scapegoated by what felt like the group's unconscious decision to protect a self-idealised
non-racist identity at the cost of acknowledging my racial reality and affective response.
Persecutory anxiety
The defensive responses to my challenge could be interpreted as a shift into the paranoid-
schizoid position, where non-racist idealisations of self were challenged and the group were
defending against a binary view of themselves as all-bad (Caflisch, 2020; Klein, 1946). Where
fearing exposure of something “bad” in the self, the other is experienced as “fundamentally
threatening, simply for witnessing and holding a mirror to our internal process” (Rankine &
Loffreda, 2016 cited in Caflisch, 2020. p. 589). In the paranoid-schizoid position, guilt is
experienced not as a feeling from within, inspiring concern and repair, but as a threat or injury
from without, which is defended against (Caflisch, 2020). Persecutory guilt can lead to
breakdowns in thinking, self-reflection and dialogue. (Caflisch, 2020; Davids, 2011; DiAngelo,
2018; Esprey, 2017).
This can give rise to projection of our guilt and aggression onto others in
an attempt to protect ourselves from persecutory anxiety, leading to a
confusion between subject and object in which the harmed other, and the

45
fact of their suffering, comes to be experienced as a threat to the
idealized self (Caflisch, 2020. p. 584).
I too was perhaps defending against persecutory anxiety from exposure to my own disavowed.
My conscious process initially was not ‘they are bad and I am good’. It was the sense that
something of my own had come alive in response to something that was missed by the group.
By sharing my subjective experience I was asking for space for more than one racial reality in
the room. I didn’t feel like I was attacking in my communications but I felt they were received
as an attack. When the response to my challenge felt defensive and aggressive, I intuit I shifted
to the paranoid schizoid position myself, and also became defensive. I was infuriated and
began to respond to the group as a ‘bad’ White object in response to feeling perceived as a
‘bad’ Brown object.
The idea that good people can’t be racist
This series of interactions seemed to be driven by a resistance to recognising racism in the
self. Morgan notes the basic assumption that “we are all inherently decent, and that evil and
hatred belong to others” (Morgan, 2008. p. 41). She asserts that in order to rid ourselves of
the uncomfortable notion that we aren’t inherently decent, we must find others to whom the
badness belongs. Extreme racists then become the convenient container to which our racist
self is projected (Morgan, 2008). There are painful costs to allowing an exploration of racism
in ourselves. It can raise uncomfortable feelings including shame, guilt, envy, denial,
defiance, fear, of saying something unforgivable and of exposing internal badness (Morgan,
2008). Lousada suggests that genuinely addressing racism means “being able to live in the
presence of our own positive and destructive (negative) thoughts and instincts..(this) is the
only basis on which the commitment to change can survive without recourse to
fundamentalism” (Lousada, 1997. p. 41).
Racialised positioning in the social unconscious (unconscious racialisation)
We unconsciously ascribe certain fantasies to ourselves and others based on racialized
groupings and then act accordingly (Goedert, 2020). In these interactions I felt a sense of
double consciousness, an internal observation of myself as a Brown object, which held a
subordinate position in relation to a White object. From this place I viewed my subjective
experience as invalid, over sensitive and misguided. What fortified my sense of validity was
the fact that in this situation I was speaking of my experience in the moment as a Brown
person, an issue in which, I rationalised, I was qualified to speak.
In challenging the group, I experienced them as claiming a superior position. This felt
communicated as prioritising their affects, perspective and racial reality over mine. Projection
of my internal racialised object world was undoubtedly part of the picture, but I posit that this

46
met with the group’s projected racialised object relations. I intuit these interactions hooked into
pre-existing unconscious racialised inferior and superior positions (alive in the social
unconscious) which were brought alive between us and enacted in the ‘here and
now’. Dominance and oppression are hierarchical positions that cannot exist without the other.
These positions can be utilised unconsciously in moments of conflict by the dominant, to
restore and maintain supremacy and the disavowal of supremacy (Di Angelo, 2018).
Who is the aggressor?
I found the dynamic of doer and done to, proposed by Benjamin, where a mutual breakdown
in recognition occurs, helpful to consider in this situation (2004). These interactions
represented a complementary impasse where it seemed each person felt done to, and not like
an agent in a co-created reality (Benjamin, 2004). Benjamin notes that in these dynamics,
conflict cannot be processed, observed, or mediated and there is instead an unresolved
opposition based on each party’s use of splitting (Benjamin, 2004). Complementary relations
reflect a symmetry wherein both parties experience the impossibility of acknowledging the
other’s reality without abandoning one’s own (Hoffman 2002). Complementarity is an ongoing
struggle for superiority, dominance, and self-regard always at the expense of the other (Shaw,
2018). Benjamin (2004) speaks of a kill or be killed power struggle, where there seem to be
only two choices, either submission or resistance.
In the doer/done-to mode, being the one who is actively hurtful feels
involuntary, a position of helplessness. In any true sense of the word, our
sense of self as subject is eviscerated when we are with our “victim,” who
is also experienced as a victimizing object. An important relational idea
for resolving impasses is that “the recovery of subjectivity requires the
recognition of our own participation (Benjamin, 2004. p. 11).
This sense of being experienced as a ‘victimizing object’ after challenging the groups
assumptions resonates. I suggest that what occurred was a breakdown in mutual recognition
where neither party was seeing a subjective other.
Unconscious associations
I was curious about why such a denigrating term as ‘shit’ was used. In psychoanalytic thought,
this spoken error could be considered a parapraxis or a Freudian slip, defined as unintentional
errors regarded as revealing unconscious feelings (Freud. 1901).
In 1966, James Hamilton proposed the psychoanalytically based ‘anal theory of racism’
describing the “anal components of white hostility towards Negroes” a theory which influenced
analytic thought at the time (Stoute, 2017). Kovel recalls a supervisor interpreting black people
in his client’s dream as representing her faeces (2000). He recognised the idea was grossly
reductive, subjectivistic and deeply offensive but it illustrated how, for White people, racism is

47
not simply behavioural but through symbolic association becomes part of the fabric of the
‘social unconscious’ (Kovel, 2000).
The fact is that in racism, a whole category of human beings was being
regarded and treated as excrement—their history and culture taken from
them, their individuality and indeed their very souls denied. From this
standpoint, it might be said that racism was inserted into the social
unconscious and, like a virus, would replicate itself and take varying
forms in the mental life of people (Kovel, 2000. p. 583).
Kovel’s intention was to acknowledge external reality non-reductively, and to connect this with
an understanding of the psyche. Kovel challenged the popular belief that racism could be
engineered away simply through addressing racist behaviour (2000). He suggested that
racism had been inserted into the social unconscious taking various forms in the individual
psyche (Kovel, 2000, Altman, 2000). He argued that addressing behaviours alone would not
expunge racism from the social psyche, but entailed engagement in an ongoing process of
recognizing the racist thought as it appears in the mind (Kovel, 2000). I acknowledge the
history and resulting dynamics between black and white in the United States is comparatively
more extreme and polarised than the situation between Pākeha, Māori and Pasifika in
Aotearoa. Yet I find Kovel’s conceptualisations valuable to reflect upon in relation to
unconscious racialisation and its relationship to the social unconscious
This analysis captures my perception of the normative unconscious processes- denials,
disavowals and assumptions- which underlie the conflict in interracial encounters.
Defenses
Gas lighting
The invalidation of my racial reality felt like a form of gaslighting, where a person or group
sows seeds of doubt in the recipient, making them question their own memory, perception, or
judgement (Dorpat, 1996). Using denial, misdirection, contradiction and disinformation,
gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the recipient and delegitimize their beliefs (Dorpat,
1996). Gaslighting or invalidation is a common response to challenges regarding unintentional
racial microaggressions, and represents a second micro-aggressive act (Williams, 2020)
which compounds the damage from the initial transgression (Rini, 2018). No matter how
sensitively recipients approach offenders, they are typically met with further aggression or
heightened emotional responses (Minikel-Lacoque, 2013). Invalidation in the moment
compounds the cumulative invalidation of racial realities that minorities face in wider society
(Williams, 2020).

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Racism lives ‘out there’
The initial statement was made as ‘people see’ while the study referred to unconscious bias.
The reframing of the study to address explicit overt racism allowed it to be considered as an
extreme position which could be condemned, while the term ‘people’ was used - yet no-one in
the group related personally to the statement. I believe that nobody did personally relate, yet
I suggest it illustrated a disjunctive cognition. Using generalized symmetrical identity
constructs that ‘people’ are racist towards ‘Brown people’ (and therefore Brown robots), while
assuming an asymmetrical caveat that the individuals in the group were exempt. If the
statement referred to an average representation of the population but not us, who exactly was
it referring to? This feels reflective of Matte-Blanco’s (1988) asymmetrical and symmetrical bi-
logic, the abstraction and manipulation of similarity and difference relating to the formation of
group identities (cited from Dalal, 2002). I posit this sophisticated form of splitting is a common
element of modern racism (Caflisch, 2020; Dalal, 2002; Davies, 2011). I suggest that much of
the damaging racism in contemporary society is committed by individuals who acknowledge
society's racism but deny their own.
If we said that racism is “out there,” in racist society, and not “in here,” in
our very psyches, we would be splitting off and denying an important “bad
object” experience between us (Altman, 2000. p. 597).
Minorities distance from racism too.
There were a number of other phenotypically brown people in the class, a few of whom shared
with me outside of the group that they felt similarly when their self-identified groups were
targeted, where evidently ‘Brown’ was interpreted as Māori and Pasifika. Another voiced that
their support for the issue I raised but didn’t feel confident to speak to the group.
The reality is that there is risk to challenging racial microaggressions. Recipients learn that
should they challenge behaviours, they may be responded to with anger, defensiveness and
denial (DiAngelo, 2012; Sue et al., 2007). Challenging those in positions of power is
particularly risky, as the offense caused by the challenge can lead those in the dominant
position to abuse their power in retaliation. Williams (2020) notes there is often strong social
pressure to endure these encounters without recourse. I can’t profess to know the internal
process of my fellow minority students but for much of my own life I’ve stayed silent in these
moments, unsure, and fearful of challenging assumptions, stereotypes or subtle put downs. I
understand the social pressure to remain silent is a normative unconscious process, an
unspoken rule conveyed implicitly to minorities (Sue, 2013).

49
Denial of ‘not knowing’.
I felt the group defended against their ‘not knowing’ in relation to the original statements.
Rather than acknowledging ‘I did not realise that what was said could be hurtful to someone
of a different racial reality’, the responses communicated that my perception was invalid. This
defence against acknowledging ‘not knowing’ seems to be a common element of conflictual
inter-racial engagement (Hart, 2017). Morgan (2008) reflects the difficulty of those who are
accustomed to being in a position of power or knowledge, to acknowledging their ‘not knowing’
in regards to the issue of ‘race’. The person of minority ‘race’ is likely to be far more knowing
regarding issues of ‘race’ and racism (Morgan, 2008). For learning to take place, the person
in the position of power needs to become conscious that, in this matter, they do not know
(Morgan, 2008). To sustain a place of knowing for those in power, their unconscious
incompetence must be projected back into the other (Morgan, 2008). As a result I suggest
‘internal racist organisations’ (Davids, 2011) remain unchallenged and racialised positions are
reinforced.
Resistance to recognising the minority voice
What was driving the resistance to hearing my voice as a Brown person? Morgan (2008)
describes the well laid system of assumptions and pattern of uncritical thought of colonial white
western culture in regards to racism, which she asserts needs to be aggressively broken
through to ‘challenge the squatting rights of our internal colonizer’ in the unconscious. Morgan
quotes Hogget (1992. p. 29) who states that uncritical thought is not simply passive but will
“actively cling to certain beliefs… where it will reject and refuse any view that may contradict
it”. This resonates with my experience in this interaction, which I experienced as a wilful
ignorance, a refusal to hear or acknowledge my perspective (Sue, 2015).
Confusing paternal benevolence with allyship
In the initial statement, there was an implicit positioning of the speaker as a rescuer or
protector, ‘Brown’ people as the victim and racist people ‘out there’ as the perpetrators. In
these interactions I felt repositioned as the persecutor, and became aware of the triangular
dynamic of rescuer, perpetrator and victim alive in racialised interactions (Altman, 2000;
Benjamin, 2020).
Granted, it came from a place of wanting to protect but it also placed the speaker in a position
of power which implied protection over a helpless ‘other’. Challenging someone who has
positioned themselves as the rescuer is difficult when placed in the position of victim. The
difference between paternalistic protection and allyship were illustrated by the refusal to
acknowledge my perspective when it differed from their own. I believe this phenomena is
familiar to the colonial narrative. Under the conscious narrative of protection, when we rescue

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‘the other’ there is a risk of unconsciously undermining them, reinforcing power relations as
we require the other to be in a victim state as a counterpoint to our rescuer state (Straker,
2018). There is a sense of ‘we know what is best for you’ or ‘we can help you with what we
believe you aren’t capable of doing yourselves’. I believe this attitude of paternalizing
benevolence differs from that of an ally, in that it seems to involve speaking for, as opposed
to listening to, the minority voice.
Through this analysis I formed a subjective picture of the interplay of unconscious racialisation
and the disavowed in both minorities and the dominant group, the ‘norms’ which maintain racial
oppression in the social unconscious, and how they can interact relationally. This analysis felt
like a coming into focus of what Layton terms ‘normative unconscious processes’ (2006).

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Chapter Six – Findings. Wider society
So long as we police our psychoanalytic frame in such a way that family
memory remains distinct from collective memory, from the Big History,
we will not be able to adequately deal with the soul wounds of class
inequities and classed racism (Layton, 2019. p115).
The socio-cultural-political environment.
During immersion, I felt drawn to place these interactions in their larger context; to understand
the relationship between colonisation, racism and disparity within Aotearoa’s historical socio-
cultural-political context in which they have manifested, and their relationship to unconscious
racialisation. I explore our colonial history and societal developments in ‘race’ relations. The
issues we currently face in regards to racism as a society are explored.
Examining colonialism in Aotearoa through the lens of Fanon’s theory
According to Fanon (1952), colonialism constructs its own discourse and perpetuates itself
through creating a powerful divide between the coloniser and the colonised (Dalal, 2006).
Fanon saw colonialism as an ideology with both a conscious and a social unconscious (Dalal,
2002). The conscious mythology of colonialism regards itself as a civilising project of
humanizing the primitive native, masking its true intentions which are exploitative and
economic (Fanon, 1952). One of these conscious mechanisms is the day-to-day repetition of
myths or stereotypic assumptions about ‘the other’ achieved through social discourse (Fanon,
1952). The second is the appropriation of history in which the coloniser casts himself as the
civilising founder of a land of primitive natives, for whom his presence is beneficial (Fanon,
1952). This implies a form of suspended reality where exploitation is performed under the
narrative of benevolence.
This discourse creates a binary equation between ‘us’ and ‘them’. A world of absolutes- good
and bad, coloniser and colonised. Fanon posits that this becomes part of the belief system of
those it denigrates and is repeated and perpetuated by them too (1952). The colonised has
internalised the colonial gaze, causing an internal fragmentation, a splitting of the self (Dalal.
2002; Fanon, 1952).
In the colonial situation, the black person has to look in the white man’s
eyes to give himself substance, to find himself, but instead of himself he
finds the white mans’ perception of himself, in effect he is torn asunder
and becomes an object to himself (Fanon, 1952 cited in Dalal, 2002, p.
97).

52
Overview
How racism and Eurocentrism manifested in colonial Aotearoa
Europeans had a long history of conquest and colonisation before the British arrived in
Aotearoa in 1769 (Waswo, 1996). Racist and Eurocentric beliefs were well established in the
British Empire, which was far reaching and had developed a complicated discourse through
which to justify colonisation (Waswo, 1996). Namely that of a duty to spread Christianity and
civilisation to heathen and savage peoples (Waswo, 1996). Although ‘race’ relations in
Aotearoa started out with trade and diplomacy, it evolved into unjust treatment towards Māori
when resources and power weren’t able to be acquired through diplomatic means (Barnes &
McCreanor, 2019 ; McCreanor, 1997).
In Aotearoa, both prejudice towards Māori and Eurocentric ideology became normalised and
institutionalized in law (Barnes & McCreanor, 2019). Māori endured escalating prejudicial
treatment, cultural oppression and marginalisation which escalated after the signing of Te Tiriti
o Waitangi in 1840, despite the reo version specifying kawanatanga (governorship) of Māori
to be retained by Māori (Taonui, 2012; Houkamau, Stronge & Sibley, 2017). This commitment
to protection and self-governorship was largely dismissed for over a century (Taonui, 2012 &
Houkamau, Stronge & Sibley, 2017). Efforts to protect Māori sovereignty and land were
attempted through rebellion, protest, war, diplomacy, activism and appeals to the Queen (King,
2003). Assimilation of Māori into colonial culture was employed through policy (Phillips, 2021).
Systemic discrimination towards Māori include legislation such as The New Zealand
Settlements Act (1863) and the Tohunga Suppression Act (1907). In total it has been
established that colonisation dispossessed Māori of 95% of their land and resources (Mutu,
2019).
Racist beliefs became normalised in the general population (McCreanor, 1999), and became
what Fanon termed myths, which became self-perpetuating. McCreanor (1999) notes in his
historical overview of Māori/ Pākeha relations, split constructs of ‘good Māori’, “those who fit
successfully or unobtrusively into Pākeha society” (p.42) and ‘bad Māori’, “those who protest,
agitate or fail in Pākeha society” (p.42). This allowed discursive flexibility to label selectively,
depending on compliance (McCreanor, 1999), which I imagine exerted psychic pressure on
Māori to assimilate.
Denigrating stereotypes labelled Māori as lazy, slovenly, violent, uncivilised and inefficient by
the news media (Belich, 2011). The active dismantling of Māori culture, confiscation of land,
negative profiling and second class citizenship under the guise of ‘progress’ resulted in
widespread displacement, economic disadvantage, psychological trauma and
transgenerational consequences for Māori in Aotearoa’s colonised society (Mutu, 2019).

53
Pasifika peoples had varying experience of colonisation and European intervention, and an
introduction to Christianity in their own homelands, exposing them to assumptions of a binary
racial, ethnic, and spiritual hierarchy which favoured the western view before their arrival in
Aotearoa. In the 1950’s and 1960’s when Aotearoa was expanding the manufacturing sector,
access to immigration was opened up to Pacific people as demand for cheap labour increased,
resulting in an influx of Pasifika to Aotearoa (Phillips, 2005). However in the 1970’s, when
economic conditions deteriorated, scapegoating and stigmatising of Pasifika peoples as a
drain on the economy was touted by politicians and reinforced through the media (Loto, 2006).
Populist opinion regarded Pacific Islanders as taking the jobs of New Zealanders and they
were blamed for the deterioration of inner-city suburbs, and for law and order problems
(Spoonley, 2011). Many with short-term work visas were subjected to the invasive ‘dawn raids’
by the police from 1974 to 1980, despite European migrants more frequently working on
expired visas (Pearson, 2021). Pasifika were objectified as the scapegoat for Aotearoa
society’s ills (Loto et al,. 2006).
A 2006 study on the portrayal of Pasifika in Aotearoa print media revealed that they were
predominantly portrayed as “unmotivated, unhealthy, and criminal others who are overly
dependent on Palagi (European) support” (Loto et al,. 2006. p.100). This portrayal echoes the
stereotypes that were developed towards Pasifika during the 1970’s, illustrating that these
myths remain nearly four decades on. Although Pasifika have been marginalised in Aotearoa
for a much shorter period of time, the outcomes in general wellbeing are staggeringly similar
to that of Maori and I posit that Pasifika were positioned in a similar vein to Maori as a
homogenized, inferior ‘other’.
Dalal (2002) concludes that denigrated images of the ‘Other’ are conveyed through “language
and societal structures and their images and associations will remain deeply embedded in the
psyche of those born into those systems” (Woodard & O’Connor, 2020. P.100). Inherent in the
complex history of colonial Aotearoa are the deeply entrenched normalisation of negative
stereotypes of firstly Māori and later Pasifika culture, ethnicity and ‘race’, and a privileging of
the Eurocentric worldview. Therefore these images and their binary implications were
embedded (and normalised) in the psyches of both Pākehā and minorities in Aotearoa, as
unconscious racialisation, and have resulted in very real disparities in economic distribution
and overall well-being.
Racial justice movement of the 1970’s
Through the 1970’s, activism regarding racial injustice increased in Aotearoa as it did around
the world. Key movements included the Tākaparawhā (Bastion Point) protest, the 1975 Māori
land march, and the formation of anti-racism groups such as Ngā tamatoa, and the Polynesian
Panthers who worked together to fight racial injustice (Consedine, 2011). In 1973, the

54
Auckland Committee on Racism and Discrimination (ACORD) was formed to research and
expose institutional racism in the education, health, social welfare and justice systems
(Consedine, 2011). The Waitangi tribunal (1975) was formed to define the true terms of Te
Tiriti. In 1987, the government adopted a policy of bi-culturalism and a commitment to
honouring treaty principles which meant addressing the inequalities that existed between
Māori and Pākehā (Houkamau, Stronge & Sibley, 2017). This era raised wider awareness of
racial justice and marked a shift in critical consciousness (Cornell, Fleras & Spoonley, 2001).
Overtly racist sentiments which were once commonplace were increasingly seen as
unacceptable, and racism began to evolve in its manifestations to subtler forms (Cornell,
Fleras & Spoonley, 2001; Houkamu et al., 2017).
Developments
It has been recognised that a growing cultural renaissance since the activism of the 1970’s
has increased pride and connection to culture, and a stronger voice for the rights and needs
of both Māori and the Pasifika diaspora in Aotearoa (van Meijl, 2020; Mackley-Crump, 2015).
It appears that Māori and Pacific people are finding their voices and at the same time society
is increasingly opening up space for those voices to be heard. Alongside this has been a
growing appreciation for the value of collectivist worldviews, particularly that of Māori in
Aotearoa (Grimes, McCullough & McKay, 2015).
Over the ensuing years Aotearoa’s collective understanding of the phenomenon of racism is
evolving, and it’s outcomes increasingly recognised. Racism and discrimination have been
increasingly acknowledged as a contributing factor to ongoing inequality (Came, 2012; Marriot
& Sim, 2014; New Zealand Human Rights Commision, 2013). There are progressive efforts to
address the impact of racism on health and mental health of Māori and Pasifika (Harris et al.,
2018; Talamaivao, et al., 2020). Aotearoa has comprehensive laws, policies, and practices in
place to prevent racism and discrimination (Houkamau et al., 2017). Initiatives to address
disparities for Māori and Pasifika such as affirmative action and equity schemes to develop a
more diverse work-force were introduced (Curtis et al., 2015). There is growing recognition
towards the necessity for including Māori and Pasifika in developing strategies, frameworks
and processes regarding how to best work with their communities (Laking, 2012). The Crown’s
treaty claims settlement policy has given iwi (tribes) an avenue of investigation for illegally
claimed lands (Mutu, 2019).
In 2021 developments towards racial equity continue. There is more Māori and Pasifika
representation in the ruling party, more reo used in mainstream media (Triponel, 2021). New
Zealand (Aotearoa) history and the impact of colonisation on Māori is to be taught in schools
from 2022 (Gerritson, 2021). A new Māori Health authority and Pacific health strategy to be
led by Māori and Pasifika has recently been announced (Tukuitonga, 2021). In 2021 an official

55
apology was made to Pasifika people regarding the Dawn Raids (Gabel & Nielson, 2021).
Ardern went on to acknowledge that "to this day, Pacific communities face prejudices and
stereotypes established during, and perpetuated by, the Dawn Raids period” (Tokalau, 2021).
Yet marginalisation & discrimination continues
In spite of these important developments and a focus on racial equity, disparities remain
(Marriot & Sim, 2014; Ministry of Treasury, 2019). Dalal (2002) noted that racism can be
revealed through statistical evidence and analysis. Statistically, the disparities between
Pākeha, Māori and Pasifika are stark and infer a level of discrimination and resulting inequality
which lies in contrast to the picture of progress. In 2019, Māori and Pasifika still ranked lower
in most measures of wellbeing relative to the rest of the population (Ministry of Treasury, 2019).
These include lower incomes, education, health, home ownership, poorer housing and shorter
life spans, as well as a widening wealth gap comparatively to Pākehā (Ministry of Treasury,
2019; McKenzie, 2020). Furthermore, Māori are still grossly overrepresented in suicide
statistics and incarceration rates (Ministry of Treasury, 2019). Racial marginalisation has
resulted in a societal structure with an implicit class system where Pākehā are skewed toward
the upper ruling class based on wealth and ownership, while Māori and Pasifika are skewed
toward the lower end, making up just under half of those living below the poverty line
(McKenzie, 2020). It seems unconscious racialisation and the impacts of racism are
intrinsically linked to these disparities.
Recent research has provided more evidence of the ways racism is still impacting on the lived
experience of Māori and Pasifika. Among these findings, and despite concerted efforts made
over many decades to address disparity in these areas, expectations of Māori and Pasifika
academic achievement are lower, and levels of expulsion are higher (McDonald, 2018;
Mayeda et al., 2014); Māori and Pasifika experts on government health advisory boards were
“frequently ignored, debated, contested or perceived as unworthy or invalid” (Came et al.,
2019), they are still less likely to receive accurate, effective treatment in health settings by
medical specialists (Talamaivao et al., 2020; Cormack et al., 2017); are often paid less for the
same roles and experience (Te Kawa Mataaho, 2020), are resented for gaining access to
tertiary education through equity schemes (Mayeda et al., 2014) are still likely to be given
heavier sentences than Pākehā for the same offenses (Morrison, 2009; Ashton & O’Connell,
2018); and experience more racial discrimination which is associated with poorer self-rated
health, poorer mental health, and greater life dissatisfaction (Cormack, Stanley and Harris
2018).

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A psychodynamic lens
Disillusionment
The current situation as outlined in this overview, paints an ambivalent picture. There is a
dissonance between progress, and the continuing (and in some cases increasing) disparity
and experiences of discrimination (racial microaggressions) reported by minority people,
(although this may positively indicate increased recognition by minorities of subtle racism
which were previously normalised). There are clearly genuine attempts to address and
acknowledge racism on all levels from the systemic to the interpersonal through what is
consciously recognised. I suggest this progress is undermined by what remains unconscious
and out of awareness and that unconscious racialisation in both minority and dominant
psyches contributes to this discordance.
I felt disillusioned when looking at the macro of this phenomenon, a sense of both
disappointment and validation that my own experience wasn’t an anomaly. It was
uncomfortable to face into the shadows, to hold them alongside the narrative of racial
progress. Lynne Layton (2019) advocates for an ethic of disillusionment in order to recognise
and disrupt normative unconscious processes, which keep racial oppression in place.
Disillusionment, the undoing of disavowal, is a painful process. It first
entails a willingness to become conscious of historical trauma (Salberg
& Grand, 2016), a process that renders visible the ways this trauma, alive
in intersectional ghosts, haunts all of our institutions…including the
theories and practices of psychoanalysis….The alternative is disavowal,
turning a blind eye to painful truths; this lies at the heart of perversion,
repetition, and the inability to learn from experience (Layton, 2019. p.
110).
Facing illusions
Steiner (2018) adds to this exploration by using the story of Oedipus to speak to the role guilt
plays in the psychic retreat of idealised illusion in response to trauma. Disillusion comes as an
awakening via a new event which reveals the disavowed trauma, where its impact can no
longer be denied (Steiner, 2018). Unintentional racial microaggression encounters and
challenges could be considered an awakening event, and have the potential to be an entry
point for both the recipient and offender to awaken to the disavowed of their relative positions
and affects.
Steiner’s (2018) thoughts on the working through of disillusionment seem relevant to the topic
of racism. He asserts that working through first shame and then guilt, which is experienced by
both offender and recipient, is essential in reaching the depressive position; but caveats that
the guilt must be bearable and that responsibility must be taken without denying the guilt of
others (Steiner, 2018). Without this, a return to denial, idealisation, and omnipotence are
inevitable. Steiner (2018) notes the importance of guilt being neither minimised or

57
exaggerated, but recognised as appropriate to the truth of what happened. When faced into,
it often turns out to be less severe than one's unconscious phantasies imply (Steiner, 2018).
Persecution lessens as guilt gives rise to remorse and the wish to make reparation (Steiner,
2018). With the case of Oedipus, he must be protected from guilt for the original trauma, but
guilt might emerge over the way he turned a blind eye, or suppressed hatred that led to a
violent reaction (Steiner, 2018). Steiner gives some direction about how this can be worked
through in a therapy relationship.
The analyst has not only to help the patient accept his guilt, but also help
him to attribute guilt where it is appropriate, and this may require that the
patient is free to hold the analyst responsible for his errors and
enactments. True reparation does not then recreate ideal objects, but
accepts real ones and strengthens the capacity to discriminate between
them (Steiner, 2018. p. 565).
This implies that both client and therapist must be willing to acknowledge their own illusions
and guilt regarding unconscious racist beliefs, behaviours, and norms.
White privilege, white fragility and white defensiveness.
Despite the fact that many Pākehā see themselves as non-racist, and actively advocate for
racial justice, unintentional racial microaggressions still occur, presumably regarding beliefs
and behaviours which are still unconscious. When these transgressions are challenged,
Pākehā are confronted with assumptions, norms and privileges of which they were previously
unaware. The spoken word performance in the link below, speaks to the invisible privilege of
being Pākehā in Aotearoa, a confronting narrative which speaks to the depths of what may be
disavowed and defended against.
Norrie, S.(2013). Invisible privilege: Spoken Word. South Auckland poet’s collective.
The term ‘White fragility' has been coined to describe the feelings of attack and sensitivity that
Pākehā can feel in response to challenges, a defensive response which often seems out of
proportion to the transgression. I perceive further un/intentional microaggressions in response
to challenges as manifestations of ‘White defensiveness’. Resistance to acknowledging the
microaggression may unconsciously reflect shame and guilt for the greater trauma of
colonisation, along with fear, hostility, and resentment for what might have to be given up in
order to achieve true racial equity.
Today, these black men are looking at us, and our gaze comes back to
our own eyes (Jean-Paul Sartre, 1964–1965, p. 13).
With this statement, Sartre was describing the interpersonal impact of people of colour on
White subjectivities in the context of decolonization (Stephens, 2020). The “shock of being

58
seen” as a White subject prompting a form of White double-consciousness, a confronting
experience which holds up a mirror to what has been disavowed (Stephens, 2020). This may
foster persecutory guilt, which can feel unbearable and annihilating “when reparation is felt to
be impossible” (Caflisch, 2020. p. 578). If able to be tolerated, I believe double consciousness
(for both Pākeha and minorities) is also how we might come to know our own unconscious
racialisation.
When we stop relating to racism as something abstract and outside
ourselves, and begin to reclaim some of our own projections, another
possibly irreparable fact emerges: namely, that the history and present-
day realities of racism are inscribed in our own minds, permeating and
shaping our thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and relationships, at times
outside our conscious awareness, or at the edges of this awareness
(Davids, 2011. p. 132).
Defending internal racist organisations
Common defences against racial guilt or “Internal racist organizations” (Davids, 2011. p.13)
are denial, over-identification, and manic reparation (Caflisch, 2020).
Denial of historical context and current inequities is the subtext in the resentment expressed
for the ‘allowances’ being made to marginalised minorities in addressing resulting disparities.
This is captured in statements like ‘Māori and Pasifika are now the most privileged in society’
(Bassett, 2021). Contradictory to egalitarian values, there is perhaps a (less conscious)
resistance to giving up the privileges that come with racial inequity, an inner conflict which
might increase persecutory guilt and defenses against recognising these feelings (Caflsich,
2020; Di-Angelo, 2018; Davids, 2011). Stephens (2020) formulates this as ‘white resistance’,
“an inescapable feeling of resentment at needing to submit to a new global, decolonial, racial
reality” (p.211). Judith Collins, former National Party leader, exemplifies this defensiveness in
which she responds to calls for diverse representation in her caucus, as an attack “Is there
something wrong with me being White?” (Collins, 2020). To me, comments like this are a form
of microaggression which express persecutory anxiety by framing minorities as the oppressor.
“To the privileged, equality feels like oppression” (Nicholas, 2017. p.9) captures my sense of
this racial defensiveness.
Over-identification and splitting are also employed to keep the racist at a distance (Caflisch,
2020). I suggest that, in our attempts to avoid guilt, we use more sophisticated splitting,
acknowledging that racism exists, ‘out there’ and ‘back then’ while the internal racist that lives
‘in here’ stays hidden. I consider that perhaps my classmates were unconsciously over-
identifying with the minority perspective in their initial statements and responses in the
vignette. Over-identifying with the minority position, unconsciously bypasses our own affective
and self-reflective reckoning with this phenomenon. Di-Angelo (2018) describes another form

59
of over-identification in ‘White progressives’. Because their intentions are good they think they
have already arrived and have nothing more to learn. Their defensiveness and certitude make
it difficult to explain how they uphold and perpetrate racism (DiAngelo, 2018).
The current equality movement also holds an element of the manic reparation spoken of by
Melanie Klein (1940), in the rush to repair in order to avoid disavowed feelings of guilt and
anxiety (Dalal, 2012). “Reparative guilt can often become focused more on self than other;
inspiring ways of thinking and acting that …have less to do with repair than with protecting
ourselves from a sense of persecution by others, and by our own thoughts and feelings“
(Caflisch, 2020. p. 582). Manic reparation involves a fantasy of omnipotence and erasure
(Caflisch, 2020; Klein, 1935, 1940; Mitchell, 2000). A desire “to repair the object in such a way
that guilt and loss are never experienced” (Segal, 1973, p. 95). Caflisch describes this as a
narcissistic goal of restoring our idealised ‘goodness’ (Caflisch, 2020).
To get to the reparative guilt of the depressive position we must begin to synthesise destructive
impulses and feelings of both love and hate from both sides of this polarity towards each other
as integrated objects (Klein, 1940; Balbus, 2004). Functioning from the depressive state of
mind, Caflisch suggests that reparative guilt can instead serve as a compass, guiding us to
take responsibility within the limitations of our ‘ordinariness’ (2020).
It will necessitate acknowledgement of our own aggression and
destructiveness, without collapsing into a view of ourselves as
irredeemably harmful or broken; and in respect and concern for those we
have harmed, maintaining an awareness of their separateness, rather
than identifying with their suffering in an appropriative or masochistic way
(Caflisch, 2020. p. 582).
It is when both love and hate can be felt together that feelings of guilt and anxiety for the harm
we have caused will be experienced, in order to make true reparation (Klein, 1940; Balbus,
2004).

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Chapter Seven- Findings. The intrapsychic.
In this chapter, I summarise the findings of my heuristic self-search inquiry outlining five key
themes of illumination- 1. Cycling self-states; 2. Unconscious racialisation; 3. Essentialist racial
constructs; 4; Confronting my own disavowed; 5. The intersubjective racial third.
This uncovering and meaning making is an evolving process. What I offer in this work is a
moment in time on this journey of meaning making.
Cycling self-states
The ‘I who feel’s.
I had ambivalent and fluctuating internal responses to the encounters in the vignette, and
found myself cycling through them repeatedly in relation to this phenomenon. My first response
came from a self-state I identify as the ‘I who feels’, my authentic unfiltered response to the
casual normalisation of injustice and oppression that the initial statement represented to me.
The words were a shock. My body registered them as an attack which
invoked a visceral response, my breathing, my muscles, everything on
edge, ready to fight, to protest. I felt an outrage which frightened me and
underneath that a deep hurt, like a new cut into an old wound.
Journal entry. 8th March, 2020.
I came back to these feelings many times over the course of this dissertation journey. These
painful affects which were denied, repressed or otherwise disavowed, belonging not only to
this moment but to the enormity of this issue and the helplessness I sometimes feel within it. I
also came to know another self-state, an inner voice which arose almost immediately.
The divided self- the minority experience
I felt fearful and doubted the validity of my response. This dialogic voice
fostered self-doubt, it questioned the legitimacy of my feelings, whether I
was being irrational, unreasonable, over-sensitive. It invoked a silencing
shame. It also brought hyper-awareness to the uncomfortable feelings I
might have evoked in others, and fear of retribution for being too
confrontational, too oppositional. It rationalised away my anger and hurt,
compelling me to hide my feelings, dissociate them or present them in a
more palatable way, to question their validity all together. This voice was
subjugating, invalidating and minimising.
Journal entry. 8th March, 2020.
This self-state, has been an intermittent invalidating voice of my feeling responses to this
issue. This inner judgement is perhaps akin to double consciousness (Du Bois, 1903), the
colonial gaze (Fanon, 1952), and internalised racism (Davids, 2011); which are related
conceptualisations of the phenomenon of a divided self, a splitting of the self in response to
the internal imprint of the external environment. Alleyne’s (2007) description of ‘The Internal
Oppressor’, added to my understanding of this experience, “where minorities’ struggles are
not just concerned with everyday racial external impingements and racial oppression, but also

61
with psychic impingements from an internal adversary” which lies dormant, and awakens in
contact with an external oppressive situation that is real, perceived or a mixture of both (2004.
p. 269).
I found a central challenge in this experience was the difficulty in determining what was due to
my own projection and what was related to the behaviour of the group. I felt what I now
understand as my ‘internal oppressor’ (an invalidating White object) come alive in response to
the initial statements. Voicing my experience at all represented a victory over this oppressor.
In doing so I was also challenging the unconscious assumptions of the group. In sharing my
perspective I was perhaps hoping that my fear of invalidation was unfounded, however the
groups responses felt like confirmation that my sense of invalidation wasn’t solely internal. I
posit that these interactions represented an iteration of the kind of relational engagements that
created and reinforced the ‘internal oppressor’ in the first place, and that there was a more
complex interplay of racial subjectivities occurring than my internal process alone.
The divided self- the dominant position
I had an uncomfortable sensation today of inhabiting the dominant position in an
initial session with a minority client. I felt this as a sense that I was being experienced
as superior, and was missing something important. I felt like I had become the one
making unintentional racial microaggressions, judgements, and assumptions.
Journal entry. 23rd June, 2021.
In this transference/ countertransference dynamic I experienced myself holding a superior
position. I felt the rupture as a slow affective disconnect. It was subtle and unspoken but I felt
it growing between us and observed my behaviour changing defensively in response to it. I
had asked if my client was interested in applying for a counselling subsidy as she was on a
sickness benefit (as I would do with any client in that situation). Perhaps this was the catalyst
for the shift. Did it feel as if I was implying that she couldn’t afford the cost of therapy? Was I
denying difference, making assumptions or over-identifying because we were both Pasifika? I
had a sense she was experiencing me as fia palagi (trying to be White). This is a self-
consciousness that I sometimes hold as mixed Pasifika/ Palagi (White) heritage with a
westernised upbringing. I can’t help being westernised, but I am aware that in many ways I
am. Were we both defending against or projecting internal judgement? I recognised her
affective withdrawal as familiar to moments when I felt positioned as ‘less than’ but felt trapped
in this enactment. I considered how I might approach this next time we met but she never
returned. I have thought much about this encounter, what it triggered in us both and how I
might navigate it differently. How did the interplay of our unconscious racialisation come alive
in this interaction?

62
It took over a year of focus on this topic to recognise this sense of holding the dominant position
in my subjective experience. This speaks to the difficulty of identifying my own internal
Whiteness and privilege, perhaps because it is rendered invisible against the baseline of
western society.
The power of ideology is such that the ‘whiteness’ as organizing principle
is unconscious. In other words the white ensign at the centre is invisible,
and it is only the black ensign at the margins that is able to be seen. Thus
those at the centre feel themselves to be innocent, unfairly assaulted
from without. (Dalal 1998, p. 206).
Double consciousness and multiple self-states
These illuminations suggest that my unconscious racialisation is multi-dimensional, dynamic,
intersubjective, context specific and relative to the position of ‘the other’. Importantly these
previously dissociated self-states came into conscious awareness through experiences of
seeing myself through the eyes of a perceived racial ‘other’. For myself the internal oppressor
more easily activated and ego-dystonic.
Standing in the spaces
I relate this sense of double consciousness which views myself through both a Pākehā and
Pasifika lens to Bromberg’s ‘multiplicity of selves’ (1996), where experiences of double
consciousness brought awareness to dissociated self-states. “We transition between these
self-states unconsciously (with the use of healthy dissociation) to produce an overall
experience of ‘I-ness’, maintaining a sense of integrity of the self” (Bromberg, 1996. p. 516).
Bromberg suggests that “there are always self-states enacting their experience, because they
are not symbolized cognitively as “me” in the here-and-now of a given moment” (1996. p. 525).
I believe these racialised self-states can represent not only how I am ‘seen’ by the ‘other’ but
also how I am viewed by parts of myself.
I found myself cycling between these self-states with increasing awareness through this
dissertation journey, while my ability to stand in the spaces and observe them ego-dystonically
has increased (Bromberg, 1996).

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Figure 2.
Dissociated racialised self-states and their relationship to the ‘I who feels’.
Note: this figure summarises my observation of these dissociated racialised inferior/
superior self-states triggered by a projective gaze, and their relationship to the social
unconscious.
Unconscious racialisation
Immersion in the heuristic process heightened my awareness of the undercurrents of the social
unconscious which sustain disparity and power asymmetry. I apply this to an exploration of
my own unconscious racialisation.
According to Neblett and colleagues (2008), racialisation occurs through transgenerational
transmission of ‘race’, culture and positioning communicated by parents. Psychoanalytic
theorists such as Dalal (2002), Erikson (1958), and Fanon (1987) explored how ingestion of
social material occurs through the nurturing process. I intuit this involves racial positioning and
implicit relational adaptations which may include responses to the trauma of cultural
oppression and/ or cultural privilege which are dissociated from the experiences which formed
them.
I am proud of my Pasifika identity, yet I understand my upbringing to be a mix of Western and
Pacific culture. I wasn’t raised immersed in the language or traditions of our culture. Despite
this, (and in comparison to my Father’s culture), what I understand to be Pasifika values
My observing self
Triggering a
view of myself
as a ‘White’
object
Triggering a
view of myself
as a ‘Brown’
object.
The ‘I who feels’
My lived
experience
Less conscious
More conscious
The social unconscious.
Including normative
unconscious processes
Projective gaze of
myself as
westernized
Projective gaze of
myself as a
‘Brown’ person

64
(collectivism, humility, duty, and family first) were inherent. Although my Nana was fluent in
Niuean and Samoan, she mostly spoke to us in English and dismissed our attempts to learn
more of our language, culture and of her life in the islands where she had her first five children.
It was unspoken and subtle but she enforced a firm separation between us and our Pasifika
culture. The unspoken messaging was to focus on looking forward not backwards. I asked my
Mother about this and from her perspective, my grandparents were too busy raising twelve
children and many grandchildren to put energy into anything except putting food on the table.
There are complexities behind my grandparents' decision (whether conscious or not) to
assimilate to Western culture that I can only surmise. As early immigrants to Aotearoa in the
mid 1940’s I imagine the societal pressure to conform may not have felt like a conscious choice
at all (Versey, 2019). By the 1980’s there was a strong Pacific community in Ponsonby and
my high school was predominantly Pasifika. I became self-conscious of my difference in
comparison to my friends who were fully fluent and whose life was steeped in Island tradition
in a way that mine wasn’t. It is my generation, the grandchildren who feel the loss of our
heritage and seek to reconnect.
I recognise modelled ways of being in my family which are perhaps influenced by unconscious
racialisation but may also be culturally influenced- a subtle hypervigilance, a relentless work
ethic, the expectation of impeccable behaviour, a guardedness and formality outside our own
family and rigid rules around not accepting charity. I sense that these were partly unconscious
adaptations to counter-identify with negative racial constructs. This anecdotal account of a
conversation between Fanon and Sartre spoke to me as capturing something of this internal
experience.
A member of a colonised people must be constantly aware of his position,
his image. He is being threatened from all sides, impossible to forget for
an instant the need to keep up one's defences. (Bhabha, H.K. cited in
Fanon, 1963. p.ix).
I moved to Tauranga to live with my father at fourteen years old and became aware of my
cultural self against the back drop of a very different way of being. This experience of double
consciousness, of viewing myself through the eyes of Pākehā, who I felt assumed who I was
without making efforts to know me beyond their pre-conceptions. I felt viewed as a Brown
person, to measures of Pākehā culture in which I didn't feel accepted as different, but
unconsciously judged as less than. In this home environment, which was predominantly
Pākehā, I adapted to ‘fit’. I relate my grandparents' assimilation to my experience of adapting
to my father’s culture, which felt like survival more than conscious choice. These experiences
which I never verbalised but which were incredibly painful, perhaps contributed to the
formation of a White invalidating object and an unconscious White object self-state.

65
I believe the study of unconscious racialisation focused solely on the family unit is remiss
without a consideration of racial and cultural socialisation in the wider context of society. This
is the broader experience of racialisation through which we are all indoctrinated. In retrospect,
from childhood I was socialised into assumptions and myths about different ‘races’ both in and
outside my own family which were so normalised as to be internalised as truths, without critical
reflection.
This messaging was conveyed through avenues such as media, social media, education,
social discourse and politics. I posit that minorities are racialised about themselves more
consciously than Pākeha, and that positive protective experiences of racialisation can occur
alongside the oppressive aspects.
Essentialist racial constructs
Layton (2006) asserts that identity categories can be used as a source of strength, but can
also be regressive and restrictive (Layton, 2006). Internalised negative beliefs, which exist out
of conscious awareness, form racist representations that become introjected and
organised into a set of object relationships and form “bad-cultural objects”
(Davids, 2011).
I counter-identify with these ‘bad cultural objects’, the denigrating
stereotypes and assumptions of both parts of my racial identity, while
being hyper-aware of these affects and traits in myself. This results in an
internal vigilance in which I feel shame in response to recognising
aspects of my own nature.
Journal entry 3rd May, 2021.
Layton defines the regressive force of racial/ cultural identity constructs as the normative
unconscious processes that push to consolidate the “right” kind of identity (2006). Idealisation
and denigration are both at play in societally constructed hierarchical identities, defining
different aspects of self and ‘other’ to which we identify and counter-identify, and which we
project (Layton, 2006).
It seems the cost of this adaptation is that identity is not choice driven, but a reaction to
definitions. I believe both idealising and denigrating racial constructs create narrow and
contradictory definitions of ascribed racial identity.

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Figure 3
The impact of essentialists constructs on my own identity
Note: The figure reflects my perception of the stereotypes and assumptions of ‘good’
and ‘bad’ in Pasifika and Pākeha which may influence what I strive to be and what I
disavow.
Narcissistic injury
I suggest the sense of narcissistic injury and responding defensiveness in the dynamic of racial
microaggressions (which I believe occurs in both minorities and Pākeha), are a response to
the sense of double consciousness experienced in moments of conflicting interracial
engagement. The view of ourselves we ‘see’ through the other, might also include projections
of the way a disavowed part of us sees ourselves, exposing or challenging the racialised traits
with which we identify or counter-identify. In response to the sense that we have become the
‘bad’ cultural object, we may project these judgements as coming from ‘the other’ as a defence
against the way a part of us sees ourselves. Because of the realities of racism, unconscious
racialisation, power asymmetry and normative unconscious processes involved, I suggest
Pākeha are more efficient at keeping these internal racist organisations out of consciousness.
Essentialist
Pasifika
constructs
Essentialist
Pakeha
construct
My own
cultural
identity
Negative Pasifika constructs:
lazy, criminal, ignorant,
uneducated, unhealthy, angry,
violent, irrational, over-
sensitive, uncivilised, poor,
dependent, inferior
Negative Palagi constructs: Entitled,
insensitive, superior, selfish,
individualistic, materialistic,
righteous, racist
Idealised Pasifika constructs:
Polite, respectful, hospitable,
generous, caring, collectivist,
dutiful, humble, connection to
culture,
Idealised Pakeha constructs:
Educated, articulate, law- abiding,
Intelligent, rational, productive,
driven, hard-working, civilized,
capable, assertive, affluent,
independent
BAD
GOOD

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Being afakase (mixed heritage)
I am Pasifika. My brownness is what is seen yet I feel a sense of
illegitimacy towards claiming my Pasifika heritage, as if I’m not Pasifika
enough. I am also Pākehā and this has implicitly influenced my way of
seeing the world, yet I do not move through the world as Pākehā. I have
a sense of belonging to neither and both of my racial identities. Between
these two poles of identifying and counter-identifying, my own sense of
self gets lost.
Journal entry January 16th, 2021.
These sentiments are reportedly a common experience of multi-racial people (Sue, 2010,
Keddell, 2006). Perceptions of minority ethnicities or constructs of race are highly
dichotomized and politicized in Aotearoa (Cornell, Fleras and Spoonley, 2001; Keddell, 2006).
The pressure to exhibit an ethnicity ‘authentically’ is experienced both from society and from
inside the ethnic group (Keddell, 2006). Those who don't fit these narratives can become
marginalised as inauthentic, creating rigid boundaries to negotiate such as those who are of
multiple ethnic ancestries (Keddell, 2006).
The term ‘fia palagi’ which infers ‘trying to be White’, is a derogatory term used towards those
who are afakasi (half cast) or perceived to be overly assimilated to Western culture and
therefore don’t exhibit an ‘authentic’ Pasifika identity (Keddell, 2006). This term captures the
internalised judgement (the sense of White double consciousness) I feel in being too Palagi
(White).
It seems I have both a sense of double consciousness and White double consciousness, a
view of my Pasifika self through Pākehā eyes, and a view of my Pākehā self, through Pasifika
eyes. A dynamic that makes sense of a previously unconscious hyperawareness of myself in
relation to both idealised and denigrating racial constructs.
The False Self
Alleyne (2007) observed that the ‘internal oppressor’ creates a false self. Winnicott described
how a ‘false self’ or ‘caretaker self’ defence can develop in order to protect the ‘true self’ (1960).
The ‘false self’ is turned outward, and is based on ‘compliance, adapting and fitting in’ to the
expectations of the environment (Winnicott, 1965). I relate both conforming (identifying) or
resisting (counter-identifying) to an ascribed cultural identity as a form of false self.
My false-self defenses crumbled in the face of the unintentional microaggressions which spoke
to my own disavowed- the negative Pasifika constructs to which I counter-identified, while
being clearly hyper-sensitive to. At this point in my journey I feel grateful for this experience.
Without the destruction of my false self I would not have had the opportunity for the
transformation that this experience facilitated. I intuit that my disavowed constitutes the
negative stereotypes of both Pasifika and Pākehā as listed in diagram 3. These fears/ beliefs

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belong to self-states that contradict my conscious sense of self, perhaps this is the self-
idealised false self that Alleyne (2007) speaks of. In challenging the group I was also
challenging the way my ‘internal oppressor’ sees myself and breaking its’ ‘rules’ of
accommodation and silence. Over time, what I felt as a vague cognitive shadow has become
more crystallised. Recognising these beliefs belonging to different self-states has allowed a
process of acknowledging, accepting, grieving, and addressing these beliefs as being alive in
my environment but also importantly residing in parts of myself.
Shaking off the shackles of a racialised False Self
My sense of racial and cultural identity has evolved over the course of this heuristic process.
Identifying and counter-identifying with racial constructs has influenced what I accept in myself
and what I disavow. When I step back from the experience and view it from a distance, these
constructs split traits, affects and behaviours along binary lines creating an illusion
(expectation) of perfection which is not based on the reality of human experience. Rather than
colluding with this illusion of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, I feel able to acknowledge all my thoughts,
feelings, traits, adaptations and experiences. Alongside my positive traits, I can at times be
hurt, angry, irrational, lazy and ignorant. I can also at times be entitled, superior and express
or act out unconsciously racist beliefs, and hold these alongside the ‘good’, addressing what I
discover in myself, rather than falling into or denying a binary view of myself as all ‘bad’.
Essentially I can resist becoming a White object or a Brown object to myself.
My evolving sense of myself is as a third identity, which encompasses my cultures and my
experience of being brown skinned and multi-ethnic, born and raised in the multi-cultural,
politically bi-cultural context of Aotearoa. My identity therefore feels somewhat liberated from
identifying and counter-identifying with ascribed criteria between racial essentialist constructs
and is becoming something I can define on my own terms.
Narcissistic wounding
Alleyne suggests ‘the internal oppressor’ is the result of narcissistic wounding, which she
asserts underlies a compensatory false self (Alleyne, 2007). This explains the depth of my
affective response to the unintentional racial microaggressions which were experienced as a
personal attack. Narcissistic wounds are characterised by idealisation, denigration and other
schizoid dynamics, where exposure of a psychic wound feels annihilating to the self (Kohut,
1966). My narcissistic wounding came from an unintentional racial microaggression which
voiced a belief that also lived hidden in a part of myself (my internal oppressor). ‘Brown people
are seen as less than’. This pathogenic belief still feels painful, but I can tolerate it. I have
come to accept that it also exists in the social unconscious, where I suggest it contributes to
racial disparities through discrimination towards minorities, but also through self-denigrating
behaviours and beliefs minorities might hold toward themselves, through unconscious

69
racialisation. I find this heart breaking. If unconscious racialisation is the imprint of our external
environment, it can exist in our psyche’s in a similar way. Facing the truth that this belief has
been internalised and exists in a part of myself, I can confront it, address it and heal it.
Looking at narcissistic wounding as it manifests in the minority psyche alone would constitute
an example of normative unconscious processes which reinforce racial oppression. Layton
(2009) suggests that narcissistic wounding is present on all sides of racialised enactments and
results from attempts to defend against, or align with, societally constructed racial/ cultural
identity norms. While I don’t deny the sense of narcissistic wounding in my own experience, I
perceived the group's response to indicate an essentially similar narcissistic
wounding. Perhaps ‘I am racist’ is disavowed and defended against by Pākeha in the same
way that ‘I am inferior‘ was defended against in myself. The fear of recognising ‘I am racist’
might feel annihilating in a similar way to ‘I am inferior’. I conceptualise the intrapsychic
mechanisms of ‘the group’ as similar to my own in these interactions. Driven by fear, guilt,
shame, and other disavowed affects that belonged to more than just this moment.
Acknowledging the disavowed.
I feel distraught, suffocating from the many current examples of how the
minority perspective is positioned as subordinate, and the Eurocentric
perspective is privileged. I feel infuriated that this is so unconscious that
as it occurs, it is denied. I can’t breathe.
Journal entry, 11th May, 2020.
When I look back on this journal entry, I recognise that although I was speaking to this dynamic
in greater society, I was also speaking to my own ‘internal oppressor’. Through sustained
immersion I observed my internal oppression, my disavowal of the feelings involved in this
phenomenon. I came to know the part of me that judged my grief as over-sensitivity or
victimhood, and my anger as irrationality, the imprint of society on my psyche which
manifested in denying these feelings as unacceptable or invalid.
Grief
I felt the dam break today, and felt my grief for the transgenerational
impact of ‘race’, class, and social inequities which are often denied. The
impact of colonisation and adaptations to the experience of
disenfranchisement and acculturation and it’s connection to current
socio-economic disparities, a trauma which is often dissociated from its
outcomes and adaptations. I consider that these unacknowledged
advantages/ disadvantages are both external and internal.
I grieve the pain involved in reckoning with this reality, and the sense of
powerlessness which tempts me to submit, rebel or simply withdraw. I
grieve the effort it takes to fight for a seat at the table and that having a
seat at the table doesn’t guarantee being heard. I grieve the internal
oppressor, the gaslighting I experience even as I write this, the false
belief that to entertain my sadness is positioning myself as a victim. I
grieve the racism I find in my own psyche.

70
Journal entry. January 14th, 2021.
Responding emotionally to racial injustice is often attributed to over-sensitivity, which is “a
coded language, a gas-lighting of the micro-aggressive moment and its structural implications”
(Taffel, 2020. p. 384). It’s an expression of White privilege which says “you don’t get to
challenge me about the impact of my biases” (Taffel, 2020. p. 383). Denying my sadness not
only colluded with normative unconscious processes, but suspended an important grieving
process. It feels healing to grieve without shame.
Rage
I used to be ashamed of this rage in myself, now I want to use it. I am
tired of trying not to be the angry Brown person. I am angry! How can I
not be? I want to channel a healthy sense of entitlement. To give myself
permission to feel my feelings, to fight for my own rights and to speak my
truth. I feel I’ve been disarmed of the protective capacity of anger by the
effort I make to disprove this stereotype of ‘the angry Brown
person’. What does this counter-identification cost?
Journal entry. 8th September, 2020.
Taffel notes the impact of affectively charged moments of experiencing racial injustice and
invalidation can re-emerge in flashes of deep anger and resentment (2020). Pathologizing
these affects can lead to an endless second guessing of minorities affective realities in
response to these moments, and reinforce these dynamics while denying they exist (Taffel,
2020). Taffell (2020) suggests that “although unnerving, the expression of enraged protest is
better than the despair of silenced anger or dissociation” (p. 383). “Working psychoanalytically
with cultural discrimination and trauma has the potential of reversing the colonizing process”
(Hooks, 1995 cited in Guralnik, 2016. p. 654).
Shame and fear
Shame is what drives me to silence, to hide. I fear what will happen for
stepping out of line.
Journal entry. 5th May, 2020.
I battled these feelings intermittently during this dissertation journey, in which I feel I am
‘stepping out of line’, I felt shame that I might be ‘wrong’ and fear that I will be villainized or
pathologized. According to Woodard (2020), shame or whakamā is prone to develop in “hostile
or infertile conditions where mana and self-image (are weakened), accompanied by
corresponding experiences of powerlessness” (p102). Although whakamā has been explored
in relation to Maori as a result of colonisation, my experience of this phenomenon as a woman
of Pasifika/ Pākehā ethnicity, resonates with this research. There is relief in normalising the
shame that comes with this phenomenon, in which I suspect I held shame for feeling shame,
a self-perpetuating cycle. I realise that ‘stepping out of line’, not following the unwritten

71
protocols of racial engagement is the only way to shift the sense of powerlessness, both
interpersonally and intra-psychically.
Assimilation, unconscious racism and privilege
I strongly identify with my Pasifika self, and it is how I am identified in the world, it is what is
most conscious in me. Perhaps in this I too am prone to over-identify and sidestep
acknowledgement of my own privilege as a person of mixed ‘race’. I am also Pākehā, western
society is the environment in which I was raised and western culture is also my culture. I also
hold a western perspective and am socialised into normalised unconscious processes which
are still probably beyond my awareness at the present time. As well as costs, there are many
privileges I hold due to my mixed heritage.
This is by far the hardest part of my disavowed to connect with, and where I experience the
most resistance. Bringing this into the light and understanding it more deeply as an
understandable response to my societal and familial context has changed my relationship to
these aspects of myself. In claiming and reframing the disavowed, I feel the power of society's
gaze on my inner self lessening, and at the same time my own sense of self strengthening.
Experiencing an interracial intersubjective third
After reading my dissertation draft, an advisor challenged some aspects of the dissertation
with which he held a different perspective. This was a vulnerable and courageous
conversation; being an inter-racial dyad we spoke of the potential to enact the racialised
dynamics in this dissertation because we were aware they were alive between us, whether
conscious or not. We were able to consider and speak to our different perspectives and
positions, shaped by our racial realities, societal positioning and life experience (as a Pākehā
male and a Brown female), and how these impacted the lens through which we interpreted the
world.
Awareness of dissociated racial self-states and willingness to hear the perspective of the other
without losing our own, facilitated a feeling of safety where we could share the fragments of
racialisation we found in society as reflected in ourselves, and grieve this painful reality
together. I posit that awareness of our various self-states allowed us to be less defensive, to
hear each other's perspectives without projecting into them, and feeling attacked by them. I
perceived this as an emotionally vulnerable and open conversation where neither of us denied
or submitted to the other (Benjamin 2004). Instead we held our different subjectivities
alongside each other within the realities of our shared social context, creating an
intersubjective racial third similar to Ogden’s (2004) analytic third. Benjamin (2004) describes
this recognition of mutual influence as ‘surrender’, “not to an idealized or projected version of
either the accuser or the accused” (Benjamin, 2007, p 2). Rather a surrender to the possibility

72
of multiple selves and the multiple selves of the other, which facilitates vulnerable ‘I and thou’
relating (Stephens, 2020).
Considering double consciousness from the perspective of intersubjectivity, Stephen’s (2020)
suggests that in racial engagements, “projective identifications and affective enactments
around racial identities are seen as engaging simultaneously, next to, and alongside each
other” (p. 216) . Double consciousness is an essential component of the psychodynamics of
intersubjectivity (Bromberg, 2008). The combination of “the experience of one’s relationship to
one’s internal, disavowed ‘not me’s’, and the stimulation by a real, experience-near, interaction
with a racial other” (Stephens, 2020. p. 219), which if able to be held in an interracial
intersubjective third, facilitates deeper knowing of both the ‘not me’s’ of the ‘other’ and
ourselves.
Figure 4
The intersubjective racial third.
The social
unconscious
Normative unconscious processes
Assumptions
Disavowals
Defenses
Structural
oppression
Unconscious
racialisation-
dominant position
Unconscious
racialisation-
minority position
Dominant
subjectivity
Minority subjectivity
The intersubjective racial third

73
Note: Figure 4. illustrates the interracial intersubjective third; capturing what could be observed
through interracial intersubjective relating. The black arrows represent the flow of societal
influences on individual psyches. The blue arrows represent what can be observed from the
position of the intersubjective analytic third. The orange arrows represent relationships
between the minority and dominant position both conscious and unconscious. The spaces
between and the double consciousness which comes alive through the projective gaze of the
other is how we may come to better understand normative unconscious processes and
dissociated/ disavowed aspects of ourselves.
How unintentional racial microaggressions contribute to and reflect unconscious
racialisation
The encounter and challenge of unintentional racial microaggressions represent a moment of
opportunity not only for mutual recognition but an opening for discovery and an intersubjective
exploration of the interplay of racialisation in self and ‘other’.
The flowchart below captures the role unintentional racial microaggressions play in the
perpetuation of unconscious racialisation. I aim to depict a broad and generalised
overview of this phenomenon. The processes in light yellow illustrate the relationship to
historical context and resulting normative unconscious processes; the ‘invisible norms’
and assumptions which lead to unintentional racial microaggressions. Secondly, the light
blue and green processes speak to the relationship between the external manifestations
of unintentional racial microaggressions, and their internalisation as unconscious
racialised positioning, representing the psychic privilege and disadvantage which result
from an asymmetrical societal hierarchy. These result in further external and perpetuating
manifestations of disparity. I suggest some iteration of this matrix is internalised into the
psyche of all individuals, who orient to their relative racial position. I emphasise that these
positions are dynamic and intersubjective, and depend on the specific context and the
racial position of ‘the other’. I highlight the cycle of transgenerational transmission of these
positions/ constructs. Finally I draw particular attention to the benefits that can come from
using the opportunity’s offered in these moments of engagement with unintentional racial
microaggressions both intra-psychically and societally (in bright yellow). If these moments
of mutual double consciousness are able to be held and considered intersubjectively, they
can lead to greater recognition.
Although the actual processes of unconscious racialisation into our object and self-
object relations from the external environment are, in reality, much more complex, I
believe it is helpful to hold this simplified flow of processes in mind.

74
Figure 5
Flow chart of unintentional racial microaggressions and their relationship to unconscious racialisation.

75
Chapter Eight- Discussion
Summary of findings
This exploration was made with the intention to make meaning of unconscious racialisation
through the experience of making, encountering and challenging, unintentional racial
microaggressions. It was framed within the context of Aotearoa and my lived experience as a
woman of mixed racial heritage. A vignette of my experience formed the basis of this
exploration. I sought to elucidate the interplay of unconscious racial dynamics and the
dissonance between my perception and that of others (a clash of racial realities) regarding
these interactions. I used psychodynamic theories and conceptualisations of racism from an
object relations and interpersonal perspective, and a consideration of the influence of societal
dynamics on the psyche to frame this exploration.
Immersion included a micro-analysis of the interpersonal dynamics involved in the vignette
from my perspective as a recipient of racial microaggressions. This focused on the processes
and defenses of racialised relating, disseminating my perception of the dynamics underlying
these interactions. I suggested that micro-aggressive encounters invoked a sense of double
consciousness in both recipient and aggressor. ‘Equivalent’ enactments of dissociated
historical trauma and mutual racialised projections were brought to life in these moments,
which contributed to the immensity of affect involved in these ruptures. I discussed the
interplay between the disavowed and persecutory anxiety in this phenomenon and my
perception of the unconscious socially sanctioned defenses which reflected entrenched racial
power asymmetry which invalidate the minority perspective.
The second focus of immersion was the socio-cultural-politico context in Aotearoa. An
exploration of colonialism and a historical overview of societal racialisation, the external
circumstances which shape unconscious racialisation. I perceived a dissonance between the
conscious narrative of egalitarianism and progress, and the reality of disparity and continued
discrimination, highlighting the split between what is conscious and what remains
unconscious. I suggested that increased social discourse regarding Whiteness is raising
‘White double consciousness’. I explored how the defenses of denial, over-identification, and
manic reparation are utilised to avoid the unbearable affect that this White double
consciousness may evoke and how these defenses keep awareness of ‘internal racist
organisations’ unconscious. Disillusion was identified as necessary in order to recognise the
impact of racism in our environment on our own psyches.
In chapter seven I summarised the findings of my own intrapsychic exploration. This included
the discovery of my own racialised self-states (exposed through experiences of double

76
consciousness) and their relationship to the ‘I who feels’. I considered my distress in response
to encountering unintentional racial microaggressions as narcissistic wounding, (and posited
that narcissistic wounding is mutual in this phenomenon). I suggested this wounding occurred
as a result of exposure to disavowed aspects of the self. The impact of discrete racial and
cultural constructs, and the repressive nature of these constructs which influence what is
disavowed, resulting in the formation of a ‘false self’ were explored. I share my awakening to
my own disavowed unconscious racialisation, a form of recognition trauma, and a process of
acknowledgement and grieving. Finally, I shared my healing experience of an intersubjective
interracial third.
Relating to the literature view
The Literature view in chapter four explored current racial microaggression research. It
identified racial microaggressions as a common experience for minority peoples. It explored
racial microaggression themes and the ways they are interpreted by minorities. It spoke to the
impact of this messaging as cumulative and detrimental to psychological well-being.
The decision making process involved for recipients in how to respond to microaggressions
was outlined (Sue et al., 2008b). Research explored minority perceptions of the risks to
challenging racial microaggressions within academia in counselling training and supervision
experiences, which included further racial invalidation; and the consequences of not
challenging, which included feelings of powerlessness, resignation and invisibility
(Constantine et al., 2008; Hernandez et al., 2010).
Therapeutic relationships served as a microcosm of participants' experiences in cross racial
interactions in their greater lives (Miranda, 2013). It was noted that racial microaggressions
were a common experience in therapy (Chang and Berk, 2009; Lee et al., 2018). It wasn’t
the microaggressions themselves, but the way they were met when challenged that
determined whether minority clients in cross racial dyads remained in therapy. It was noted
that challenging microaggressions can lead to more ruptures, and that mutual recognition is
often not attained (Chang & Berk, 2009; Owen et al., 2014)
When the microaggression was raised, acknowledged, and understood by both parties,
ruptures could be repaired and the therapeutic alliance became stronger because of it (Chang
& Berk, 2009). Not responding well to conversations about difference created further ruptures
that often resulted in client termination of therapy (Chang & Berk, 2009). The difficulty of talking
about race and the necessary training to be able to hold these conversations was identified
(Santos & Dallos, 2012)
In Aotearoa based research, Māori and Pasifika tertiary students identified racial
microaggressions as inherent in their training, and detailed protective factors which countered

77
these forces (Mayeda et al, 2014). Ellis (2016) considered how to work with clients'
internalised racism and suggested an exploration of how therapists might be able to better
recognise their own internal racism as an area for further research.
How my findings fit into previous research.
Reflecting my perspective of the underlying dynamics in these interactions and the societal
environment in which they occurred, I was able to contextualise my own internal exploration.
I compared experiences of rupture which resulted in racialised object to object relating, to the
creation of an intersubjective interracial third which enabled observation and exploration of
unconscious racialisation, enabling mutual vulnerability and recognition.
Explication- A broader conceptualisation.
Unintentional racial microaggressions are an instrument of indoctrination into racialised norms,
as well as an expression and perpetuation of these norms, reinforcing unconscious
racialisation. Racial microaggression ruptures are enactments which begin with the
unconscious projection of denigrating constructs towards minorities as ‘cultural objects’. This
can evoke double consciousness in the recipient, who is then reacting not only to the external
situation but to their own ‘internal oppressor’. Challenges to these assumptions often evoke
White double consciousness in the perpetrator, who in turn responds defensively to what is
felt as an attack on the self-idealised non-racist self. Assumptions, behaviours or attitudes that
the recipient is calling attention to with their challenges, are then not able to be considered.
The exposure of disavowed racialisation is commonly felt as narcissistic wounding. Mutual
defensive and projective responses to this wounding lead to breakdowns in recognition and
polarising paranoid-schizoid dynamics. This clash of racial realities can transform ordinarily
empathic subject-to-subject relationships into hostile and polarised object-to-object relating.
these re-enactments can result in the perpetuation and reinforcement of unconscious
racialisation and hierarchical racialised positioning.
Unintentional racial microaggressions are inevitable, and can represent moments of
opportunity for deeper recognition of differing racial realities, oppressive ‘norms’ and
exploration of unconscious racialisation. Rather than a defensive response to challenges
focused on who is right or wrong; a re-orientation towards ‘what can I learn about myself and
the other’ and even ‘can we feel the grief of our racialisation together’, can create a different
end to this story. Through the creation of an interracial intersubjective third, these ruptures can
become moments of ‘I and thou’ relating. The mutual sense of double consciousness that can
arise in both minority and dominant positions in this dynamic of unintentional racial
microaggressions, if able to be held, then becomes valuable, facilitating a situation where both

78
recipient and offender can “sit (together) with sadness and a sense of mutual containment and
recognition” (Swartz, 2020. p. 619).
I suggest the burden of responsibility to transform these moments lies with the person in the
position of power. If those being challenged are willing to be open to the possibility of their ‘not
knowing’, they have an opportunity to learn what they do not yet know. Rather than an
irreparable rupture or splitting of good and bad, it is possible to navigate racial difference
through surrender and acknowledgement of the inevitability of unconscious racialisation and
wounding that lies in each of us as a response to a societal context in which unconscious
racialisation is alive.
Relevance to discipline of psychotherapy
Unintentional racial microaggressions are a window into exploring unconscious racialisation in
both minorities and the dominant ‘race’. With its focus on the unconscious, psychodynamic
psychotherapy can help navigate this process.
Relevance to psychotherapy training
I suggest that a strong foundation in recognising and addressing unconscious racialisation in
the self, begins through the training process (Sue, 2013). Experiencing, exploring, and building
tolerance for the discomfort which arises in these moments of racial rupture may assist
psychotherapists to identify their own unconscious racialisation, their disavowed, and their
resistance (Sue, 2013).
This includes framing unintentional racial microaggressions as an inevitable result of belonging
to a society where binary assumptions about ‘race’ and culture exist in the social unconscious,
alongside conscious egalitarian values. Emphasis must be given to the fact that it is not the
microaggression itself, but the navigation of rupture and repair in these moments which
determines the ability to maintain relationships (Lee et al,. 2018; Taffel, 2020; Sue, 2013;
Caflisch, 2020).
The findings in this dissertation support further exploration of the influence of wider society on
our internal framework of object relations. This includes not only a consideration of the social
unconscious, but an explication of the normative unconscious processes which become the
invisible norms by which power is maintained (Layton, 2019). Normalising the existence of
unconscious racialisation would perhaps allay the sense of narcissistic wounding experienced
by both recipient and perpetrator in these moments, reducing resistance to acknowledging
unconscious racialisation when it comes alive in the self, and encourage self-reflexivity and
willingness to explore these issues.
I suggest that tutors and supervisors do the work of self-reflection, to explore their own
unconscious racialisation so they can facilitate discussions as allies, and speak to normative

79
unconscious processes and power asymmetries when they come alive in the classroom or
experiential training setting (Sue, 2013; Morgan, 2008). Facilitated experience of an interracial
intersubjective third in conversations around ‘race’ and culture, privilege and power, and
unconscious racialisation which influences our perspectives and world views- provide an
avenue by which we come to better know the racial/ cultural/ ethnic ‘other’ and ourselves. I
recommend a formal process within institutions which allows trainees to address cultural
issues (unconscious racialisation) that arise in cross-racial supervision relationships.
In the clinical encounter
The therapy relationship has the potential to provide a reparative experience of intersubjective
racial engagement. It can facilitate exploration of unconscious racialisation on the psyche,
acknowledge the reality of racism, and the different societal experiences and world views
which racial positions entail. This requires the therapist to be open to the possibility of their
own unconscious racialisation and ‘not knowing’. The awareness of normative unconscious
processes and the interplay of unconscious racialisation may facilitate the therapists ability to
acknowledge unintentional racial microaggressions non-defensively when challenged in the
clinical encounter. Whether a clients sense of injury originates from projection of the
perpetrator or the recipient in the moment is (in my view), essentially irrelevant. Minorities
iteration of ‘the internal oppressor’ has formed through membership in a social environment in
which we are all a part. We are all implicated in this phenomenon whether we are conscious
or not and regardless of best intentions. If the therapist can neither deny, or collapse into a
view of themselves as ‘bad’, I believe these moments are the pathway to true reparation.
My personal exploration of unconscious racialisation will be of value in understanding how to
work with this phenomenon in the clinical encounter. I found, in interracial relationships both
therapy and supervision, the acknowledgement of racial difference and openness to explore
the differing experiences and world views this entails was valuable. Explicitly acknowledging
the social reality of racism and the inescapable fact that unconscious racialisation exists in the
room between therapist and client helps build safety in the therapeutic environment (Dalal,
2002). Dalal (2002) suggests a model of moving from the outside in will build sufficient trust
for the client to look at the internal aspects of this reality, ie. how they have internalised
racialisation. With the creation of what I now understand as an interracial intersubjective third,
I was able to explore my own unconscious racialisation in a way that didn’t feel pathologizing
or reinforcing of my internal oppressor. Understanding the regressive and damaging influence
of these constructs while acknowledging the aspects which are protective and positive helped
me take ownership of my identity. This in turn allowed the disavowed of both my minority and
dominant self-states to be recognised, addressed and accepted for both good and bad (the
depressive position).

80
Recommendations for further research
Further research into the experience of racial microaggressions and navigation of these
moments for both minority clients and Pākehā therapists in the cross-racial clinical encounter
would be valuable to contextualise this experience in the Aotearoa context. I believe this
dissertation gives weight to further exploration of unconscious racialisation, the influence of
society and normalised unconscious processes on the psyche. A consideration of the
possibility of ‘societal object relations’ and societal attachment from dominant and minority
positions would also be valuable. For minorities, who may feel less secure and safe in society,
an exploration of insecure attachment, the strategies of avoidance (moving away), anxious
ambivalent (conforming) and mixed (moving against) responses to societal authority, (which I
allude to in the flow chart above) would be an interesting and I believe a currently pertinent
area for further research.
Final thoughts
I had a dream early on in the dissertation process in which my class mates followed me home
uninvited and sat in my lounge. I felt deeply exposed, powerless to protect myself and my
family, and painfully self-conscious of their judgement. Aside from my initial interpretation of
wanting to protect my children from the external forces of racism, I now intuit another meaning.
My house is my psyche and my classmates represent the totality of the projective gazes I have
internalised from my societal environment. I want to protect my children from my own
unconscious racialisation and from my adaptations to it. Rather than compliance, silence and
powerless toleration of this critical inner gaze, I feel capable of acknowledging these guests,
understanding how they came to be there, and holding my sense of myself alongside their
view of me. This sense of having agency, safety, and authenticity in my own psyche captures
my sense of self-transformation in this process.

81
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