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These% pages% are% filled% with% the% pain% and% delight% of% being% a% parent,% a%
child,% a% member% of% humankind.% Their% words% are% like% liquid% love% and%
tenderness,% held% together% by% the% bittersweetness% of% fear% and% loss.%So%
evocative%are%these%gems,%that%each%twinkles%with%sparks,%that%reveal%the%
depth%of% life.% They%are%reminders%of% what%matters%most% and%they%will%
enchant%you%and%touch%your%heart.%
Emmy%van%Deurzen,%PhD%
Professor,%New%School%of%Psychotherapy%and%Counselling%at%the%
Existential%Academy%in%London%
Author,%Existential*Psychotherapy*and*Counselling*in*Practice*(3rd%ed.)%
and%Everyday*Mysteries%(2nd%ed.)%
!
The% outstanding% Introduction% sets% the% stage% for% an% existential% and%
humanistic%immersion%into%the%depths%of%one%of%our%most%impactful%and%
treasured% relationships.% This% extraordinary,% heart-centered% collection%
of%poignant%reflections%on%the%vicissitudes%of%parenting,%being%parented,%
and% inclusive% family% relationships% provide%intimate% glimpses% into% a%
nuanced% appreciation% of% the% depths% of% vulnerability,% doubt% and%
uncertainty,%loss% and%mourning,% the%gifts% of%tenderness% and%revealing%
oneself,%the%delicacy%and%resilience%within%life’s%challenges%and%growth%
opportunities;%and% the% power% of%hope% to%heal% betrayals%and% breaches%
with% beloved% others.%% A% transformative% journey% into% the% heart% of% the%
relationship.%
Shawn%Rubin,%PsyD%
Past-President,%Society%for%Humanistic%Psychology%
C0-Editor,%Humanistic*Psychotherapies:*Handbook*of*Research*and*
Practice%
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Lullabies)&)Confessions:)
Poetic)Explorations)of)Parenting)
Across)the)Lifespan)
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Edited&by&
Louis&Hoffman&
Lisa&Xochitl&Vallejos&
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Colorado%Springs,%CO%
www.universityprofessorspress.com%
% %
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Dedication*
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To%t h e%p a r e nts%a nd%c h ildren%who%have %tou c h ed%my %life %the %mos t %de e p ly… . %%
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%%%%%My% sons,% Lyon,% Lukaya,% and% Lakoda—you% have% brought% so% much%
laughter%and%meaning% into%my%life.% You%have%brought% an% unspeakable%
love%into% my% life—one% that%has%challenged% my%love%of% words%to%try% to%
bring%expression%to%this%love.%%
%
%%%%%My% parents,% Lynn% and% Clarence% Hoffman—you% have% modeled% love%
and%acceptance%in%my%life%and%helped%me%to%pass%this%same%love%on%to%my%
sons.%Your%love%has%become%my%love.%%
%
%%%%%My% mothers-% and% father-in-law:% Helen% Rahming% and% Earnal% and%
Stephanie% Cleare—thank% you% for% welcoming% me% to% your% family% and%
enriching%my%life.%In%your%witness,%I%have%learned%much%about%parenting%
and%being%parented,%and%I%have%been%blessed%by%the%wisdom.%
%
~%Louis%
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%%%%%To % Ga br i el % a nd % Ed e n, % my % c hi l dr en . % If % I% h a d% a % m ul ti t ud e % of % wo r ds % an d %
eternity%to%speak,%I%would%still%never%be%able%to%convey%the%beauty%you%
have%brought%to%my%life.%%
%
!!!!!To%my %pare n t s—each%of%you%brought%something%different,%some%dark,%
some%light,%but%it%was%all%necessary.%It%was%all%a%gift.%
%
!!!!!To%my%bro t h er,%Anth o n y—I%watched%parenting%change%you,%soften%
you,%and%saw%the%delight%on%your%face%being%a%father.%You%have%shown%
up%for%your%babies%in%a%way%that%has%been%powerful%to%witness.%Thank%
you%for%always%leading%the%way.%%
%
~%Lisa%Xochitl%%
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*
Table* of*Contents*
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Acknowledgments%% % % % % % i%
Foreword%by%Barbara%Williams%&%Heather%Williams% % iii%
Introduction%%%%%%%v%
%
Poems&&&&&&&&1&
The%Light%Inside%–%Alan*King* * * % % 3%
Icarus’s%Mother%Talks%to%Her%Son%-%Lois*Marie*Harrod% % 4%
Mother%by%Any%Means%-%Ellaraine*Lockie% % % 7%
Not%My%Mother’s%Daughter%–%Lisa*Xochitl*Vallejos% % 9%
Every%Version%–%Louis*Hoffman%%%%%11%
By%What%Right?%–%To m * G reening% % % % 13%
Fear%of%Heights%–%Carol*Barrett*%%%%14%
The%Day%She%Stopped%Telling%Me%Everything%–%Maura*Snell%16%
I%Hold%a%Small%Death…%-%Christina*Lovin%%%17%
Bitties%Turning%4%–%Marion*Deutsche*Cohen%%%18%
Right%Field%Siberia%–%Charlotte*Mandel**%%%19%
The%Genes%of%Guilt%–%Patricia*Wellingham-Jones% % 21%
Why%I%Chose%My%Parents%–%Shoshauna*Shy%%%23%
Ice%Storm%–%W.*F. * La ntr y%%%%%24%
Night%Fear%–%Charles*Rossiter%%%%%26%
Definition%–%Marilyn*Zelke*Windau% % % % 27%
The%Hundred%Names%of%Love%–%Annie*Lighthart%% % 28%
I%Go%Back%in%Time%and%Rescue%My%Mother%–%Leah*Browning%29%
She’s%Moved%to%the%Other%Side%of%the%World%–%Phyllis*Wax% 31%
A%Family%Affair%–%Carol*Barrett*% % % % 32%
Going%to%Meet%Our%Birth%Daughter%After%Nineteen%Years%% 34%
%%%%%%%–%Maura*Snell% % %
I%Want%to%Be%Ready%–%Louis*Hoffman% % % % 35%
I%Never%Called%Him%Foster%–%Nathaniel*Granger,*Jr.% % 36%
The%Catch%–%W.* F. *L a nt r y % % % % % 38%
At%Jack%London%State%Historic%Park%–%Shahé*Mankerian*%39%
The%Matter%of%Smiles%–%Marion*Deutsche*Cohen%% % 40%
My%Window%–%Evgeny*Krayushkin-ZheKa% % % 42%
Learning%from%the%Landscape%–%Carol*Dorf% % % 43%
Two%Balloons%–%Michael*Moats% % % % % 44%
Empty%Nest–%Michele*Riedel% % % % % 46%
%
A%Mother%is%Gathering%Pens…%-%Marilyn*Flower%% % 47%
Mother%and%Son%–%Nesreen*Frost% % % % 48%
Zoe%Dances%–%Milton*J.*Bates% % % % % 50%
Swedish%Rye%–%Christina*Lovin*% % % % 51%
The%Heart’s%Dark%Rooms%–%Brenda*Yates% % % 52%
Waiting%on%My%Daughter’s%Night%Class%–%Carol*Barrett*% 54% %
Packing%a%Box%to%Send%Home%from%My%Daughter’s%House%% 56%
%%%%%%%in%Portland%%–%Shoshauna*Shy%
Playing%in%the%Sprinkler%–%Patricia*Wellingham-Jones% % 57%
Brown%Chair%–%Louis*Hoffman*% % % % 58%
The%Orphan%–%Juanita*Ratner% % % % % 60%
Whiskers%–%Kimberly*Weikert*% % % % 61%
Haiku%for%a%Wanted%Child%–%Christina*Lovin% % % 62%
Arguing%the%Curriculum:%Coleslaw%–%Carol*Barrett% % 63%
Daughter%in%Her%Eighth%Month%–%Felice*Aull% % % 65%
My%Father%–%Tom*Greening% % % % % 66%
The%Glass%of%Water%–%Jeff*Santosuosso% % % % 67%
At%the%Doorstep%–%John*C.*Mannone% % % % 69% %
Every%Mother’s%Son%–%Marcella*Remund% % % 70%
Next%Steps?%–%Rodger*E.*Broomé% % % % 71%
Photograph%–%Maura*Snell% % % % % 72%
My%Father%at%Ninety-Two,%Splitting%the%Days%% % % 73%
%%%%%%%–%Charlotte*Mandel*% %
Necessary%Condolences%–%Ronnie*Hess*% % % 74%
By%Love%–%Veron i ca*Lac *% % % % % 76%
Hydro%Superintendent%–%Joanne*Corey*% % % 78%
The%Emerald%–%Nathaniel*Granger,*Jr.% % % % 79%
My%Imperfect%Perfect%Son%–%Louis*Hoffman% % % 81%
My%Son%the%Artist%–%Michael*Harty% % % % 84%
Wrenhouse%–%W.* F. *L a nt r y % % % % % 85%
How%it%Feels%–%Alan*King% % % % % 87%
That%Time%Comes%–%Patricia*Wellingham-Jones%% % 89%
A%Heart%Attack%–%Michael*Waterson% % % % 90%
A%Few%Unheard%Words%–%W. * F.* L an t ry % % % % 91% %
St.%Dominic%–%Marcella*Remund%% % % % 92%
What%Goes%Around%–%Ellaraine*Lockie% % % % 93%
Faerie%Panic%–%Daniel*Ari% % % % % 94%
Four%Months%–%Alan*King% % % % % 95%
Risk%–%Maura*Snell% % % % % % 97%
The%Art%of%War%–%Shahé*Mankerian% % % % 98%
Bird-Boy:%Eve%Remembering%Abel%–%Charlotte*Mandel*%99%
Insomnia%Immediately%Post-Partum%% % % % 101%
%%%%%%%–%Marion*Deutsche*Cohen% % %
Inside,%Looking%Out%–%Felice*Aull% % % % 102%
Counterpoint%–%Carol*Barrett%%%%%103%
Brushing%My%Mother’s%Teeth%–%Christina*Lovin*%%105%
The%Mother%of%the%Bride%Smiles%–%Phyllis*Wax*%%107%
Daddy–Daughter%Dance%-%Lisa*Xochitl*Vallejos%%%108%
The%Night%He%Broke%His%Collarbone-%Leah*Browning% % 109%
Binky%Bond%–%Marilyn*Zelke*Windau% % % % 112%
Light%Rain%–%Annie*Lighthart%%%%%113%
Skating%with%Our%Daughter%on%Veteran’s%Day%–%Carol*Barrett%% 114%
Crossing%from%One%Continent%to%the%Next%–%Leah*Browning%116%
Fruit%of%Stories%–%Carol*Dorf%%%%%118%
The%Child%–%Juanita*Ratner% % % % % 119%
The%Talk%–%Louis*Hoffman%%%%%121%
Walk%–%Marilyn*Zelke*Windau%%%%%124%
The%Message%–%Annie*Lighthart%%%%%125%
Morning,%Third%Sunday%in%June%–%Phyllis*Wax%%%126%
Photograph,%1975%–%Christina*Lovin% % % % 127%
My%Mother’s%Power%–%Felice*Aull% % % % 128%
The%Smell%of%Pine%–%John*C.*Mannone*% % % 129%
Private%Enterprise%–%Marion*Deutsche*Cohen%%%130%
Sleeping%Child%–%Charlotte*Mandel% % % % 131%
Watch%–%Maura*Snell%%%%%%132%
Mom%Raps%Me%on%the%Knuckles%%-%Lois*Marie*Harrod%% % 133%
Comforting%Jack%When%He%Wakes%Coughing%and%Crying%%134%
%%%%%%%with%a%Cold%-%Charles*Rossiter%
Sea%Creatures%–%Patricia*Wellingham-Jones%%%135%
After%She%Tells%You%–%Maura*Snell% % % % 136%
The%College%of%Mothers%–%Shoshauna*Shy%%%137%
The%Interview%–%Michele*Riedel%% % % % 138%
Father%Hunger%–%Michael*J.*Gargano*% % % 139%
Return%–%W. * F.* La n tr y *%%%%%141%
Rehearsals%–%Brenda*Yates%%%%%142%
Impelled%Toward%Light%–%Carol*Barrett**%%%144%
Winning%Ways%–%Carl*“Papa”*Palmer% % % % 147%
Night%Fears%–%Louis*Hoffman*% % % % 148%
%
Poetry%Activities%%%%%%151%
About%the%Editors%%%%%%155
!
Acknowledgements*
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! ! ! Lullabies!&!Confessions!
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