Presence of Grandparents in Families A Blessing for Grand Children

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Presence of Grandparents in Families: A
Blessing for Grand Children
Sarjoo Patel
Assistant Professor,
Deptt. of Family and Community
Resource Management,
Faculty of Family and Community
Sciences,
The Maharaja Sayajirao
University of Baroda,
Vadodara
Maneesha Shukul
Professor,
Deptt. of Family and Community
Resource Management,
Faculty of Family and Community
Sciences,
The Maharaja Sayajirao
University of Baroda,
Vadodara
Keywords: Grandparents, Grandchildren, Interpersonal Communication.
Introduction
History has always shown changing social patterns affecting the
lives of people and the homes in which they live such as the family.
Although the family has survived thousands of years, withstanding odds of
the highest order, it has not remained untouched by social change. This is
largely due to the process of modernization bringing with it a breaking way
from accepted family controls and increasing opportunities for social
mobility, fast changing technologies, easy and fast communication, better
educational opportunities and changing attitude. A peculiar feature of
Indian Society has always been the joint family system. In ancient time,
India was the home of joint family. Social traditions sustained and
reinforced joint family system as primary social groupings. These joint
family traditions preserved the position of elderly in the family and society
as well. The three generations lived together under the same roof and all
social and economic affairs were controlled and managed within the
domain of the household. But in the modern times, the social matrix has
however, not remained what it used to be. Now a days the other major
change observed is the joint family system being replaced by nuclear
families. Increased communication with outer world and education has
brought about change in the attitude and values of family members which
led to value conflicts among generations leading to breaking down of joint
family and the nuclear family came into existence in the society. In the
Abstract
Traditionally in India, the aged enjoyed place of honour and
respect in the family and community and were treated as repositories of
experience, skill and wisdom. They were earlier a store house of
anecdotes and stories for grand children before TV, Video games, and
comics took away this role from them. With the breaking up of joint family
system, the knowledge and experience of the old people lost significance
in the proper functioning of society. Commercialization, Industrialization
and modernization have influenced, modified or even altered many social
values and traditions particularly relating to older persons. Nowadays it
has been again observed that as women are taking up dual career the
need for an elderly member in the home to take care of children is felt.
The hired help to take care of household and children was taken as a
resort in dual career families. The higher remuneration demanded by such
service providers has made the people think of the importance of
presence of some elderly person in the home who unselfishly and with
love takes care of the household functions and of children. Such changing
thoughts have made the grand parents also valuable asset of the family. It
becomes important to make them realize their worth and give them due
respect which is very much in the Indian philosophy. Taking all this into
consideration a multidimensional study on three generation families was
conducted on 60 households. The present study proved that the grand
parents and children are sharing a special bond especially in dual career
families. The young grand children receive benefit from having close and
supportive relation and the grand parents can serve as advisor of adult
grand children as well as and they can provide help in various areas of life
transitions. In general if the grand children‟s contact with their grand
parents is maintained both can live a contended life. Grand children can
indeed act as a resource in helping to care for grand parents and the
grand parents enjoy more with grand children. The present study throws
light on the place of communication for the purpose of healthy relation.
This has widened the data base. The experts from various field concerned
with interpersonal relations can provide counseling to the families to allow
the grand children to respect their grand parents and spend time with
them so that interpersonal communication can be strengthened between
family members.

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past, the elder member of the family was the
breadwinner but now-a-days the trend is changing.
The women also have started entering the dual career
and all this has led to generation gap and has affected
the situation of the elderly in society. A research was
preliminarily conducted on 40 homemakers belonging
to nuclear families to find out the extent of problems
experienced by them regarding child rearing. The
findings revealed that majority of homemakers felt that
children feel dissatisfied with the amount of attention
and time given to them, and they frequently fight with
siblings on small issues. Some homemakers who
were employed felt that children remain alone at
home for most of the time as parents went out to
work. Nearly half of them felt that children feel
neglected as parents were not able to spend much
time with them. They also felt that in the absence of
parents children do other activities which are not good
for them such as watching TV, making lots of phone
calls, inviting friends at home or going out with friends
etc. As the homemakers lived in nuclear families they
were not able to help children in studies due to
several responsibilities, and in turn children become
disobedient and arrogant in behavior as the parents
are not able to devote enough time and attention in
training them.
Gangrade (1999) asserts that Indian Society
is undergoing transformation under the impact of
industrialization, urbanization, commercialization,
individualism, etc. Consequently, the traditional values
and institutions are under the process of adoption and
have often led to sharpening of inter- generational
differences.
Traditionally in India, the aged enjoyed place
of honour and respect in the family and community
and were treated as repositories of experience, skill
and wisdom. They were earlier a store house of
anecdotes and stories for grand children before TV,
Video games, and comics took away this role from
them. With the breaking up of joint family system, the
knowledge and experience of the old people lost
significance in the proper functioning of society
(Pathak , Bora and Borah, 2010) Commercialization,
Industrialization and modernization have influenced,
modified or even altered many social values and
traditions particularly relating to older persons. The
main argument is that the elderly enjoyed a much
higher status in pre-industrial society marked by group
oriented. Social interaction, agricultural mode of
production, extended family system, kinship and
patriarchal authority. In the prevailing situation,
conflict and problems of adjustment have become a
normal feature of the Indian families. Many of the
elderly parents are compelled to leave their children
and stay in old age homes. Parents are some times
defined as grand children‟s “gate keepers” when the
household is composed of three generations, even
when the latter are already adults (Glarrusso,
Silverstein and Bengtson, 1996) Close and proper
relationships even between grandparents and parent
create opportunities for reinforcing relationships and
creating positive ties between grandparents and
grand- children, while weak or negative relationships
between grandparents and parents lead to less
involvement of grandparents in their grand children‟s
lives and even to negative relationship (Roberto, Allen
& Bliendszness, 2001; Unlenberg & Hammill, 1998).
In any case, when grand children mature they
determine the nature of their relationships with their
grand parents independently as parental influence or
the grand child- grand parent relationships with them
grand parents independently as parental influence or
the grand child- grand parent relationship gradually
wanes (Harwood & Lin, 2000).
Nowadays it has been again observed that
as women are taking up dual career the need for an
elderly member in the home to take care of children is
felt. The hired help to take care of household and
children was taken as a resort in dual career families.
The higher remuneration demanded by such services
providers has made the people think of the
importance of presence of some elderly person in the
home who unselfishly and with love takes care of the
household functions and of children. Such changing
thoughts have made the grand parents also valuable
asset of the family. It becomes important to make
them realize their worth and give them due respect
which is very much in the Indian philosophy. With this
background a multidimensional study on three
generation families was conducted on 60 households
from Vadodara (Gujarat).
Objectives
1. To study the background characteristics of youth,
parents and grand parents in families
2. To study the selected aspects of interpersonal
communication between grand parents and
youths viz. the extent of communication, the
content of communication and the time for
communication
3. To find out the areas of conflict and methods of
resolving conflict between grand parents and
youth.
Methodology
The research design of the study was
descriptive in nature conducted on 50 three
generation families living in Baroda City, selected
through purposive sampling technique. Interview
schedule was used as an instrument for gathering
data as the educational level of respondents was
expected to vary. Interview provides an opportunity to
probe further and clarify the questions, hence
interview was selected as the tool. The scales
developed to find out „extent of communication‟ and
„conflict between youth, parents and grandparents‟
were subjected to establishment of content validity
and reliability through test-retest method. The data
were analyzed employing descriptive statistics.
Major Findings
Background Information
Majority of the youth considered as sample
were female and a little more than one third of them
were male respondents. Mean age of youth was
found to be 19.8 years, mean age of father was 49.1
years of mother was 46.4 years, of grand father was
73.8 years and that of grand mothers was 71.4
years. It was found that all the fathers were employed
whereas majority of the mothers were not employed.
A wide majority (95.6%) of the grand mothers and
grand fathers (70.6%) were not employed. Mean
income of the family was found to be Rs. 21980. The
mean number of family members were 6.3.

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Extent, Content and Time for Communication
A scale was developed to find out the extent
of communication. The scale contained two sub
sections A and B. Part A contained some areas for
communication viz. educational, money, personal,
religious matters, household activities, recreation
socializing matters and health. It was a three point
scale reflecting the extent to which the communication
took place between youth and parents and youth and
grandparents. The respondents were requested to
indicate whether they communicated to great extent,
to some extent or to a low extent with each other and
the scores of 3 through 1 were ascribed respectively.
Their responses were scored for each areas and were
summated. The possible score of the scale were
divided into two categories which indicated low and
great extent of communication. In Part B the various
areas of the communication were listed and the
respondents were requested to specify the time
(approximately) they spend in communication with
each other during a day.
Extent of communication
A probe into different areas of
communication revealed that majority of children and
grandparents had communication to a great extent on
religious, socializing and health matters. Majority of
the youth had good communication with grand
parents than parents. The mean weighted scores
regarding content of communication revealed that the
child communicated with grand parents mostly on
health aspect, educated, religious and socializing
matter.
Time Spent on Communication
It was observed that majority (68%) of the
children and grandparents communicated for less
than half an hour on education. For money matters it
was observed that majority of child and grandparents
spent less than half hour for communication. It was
further seen that majority of the children and
grandparents spent less than half an hour on personal
conversation. Forty six percent of the child-
grandparent spent less than half an hour on religious
matters. For household activities it was observed that
forty five per cent of children and grandparents spent
less than half an hour. More than half of the children
and grandparents spend less than half an hour on
recreational and socializing matters. Lastly the same
percentage (40%) of child-grandparent spent less
than half an hour for conversation on health. The
present research is a pioneer in dealing with the time
aspect in communication between the three
generations as no study could be found on this aspect
by researcher. It has been found through the research
that the time spent on communication is very less.
Due to the advancement of science and technology,
the other activities like computer, Internet, surfing,
polo games, television, Gyms, hobby centers,
chatting, dating etc., have increased rather than the
interaction within home with family members. So they
may be left with less time to spend with the family
members. The choice and interests of youths and
adults do vary which leads to less of communication.
Extent of conflicts
“Generation gap is much talked about by the
social scientists. It is in fact a conflict between the two
generations. The study aimed to find out the areas on
which conflict mostly takes place between the
grandparents and children. In this section some of the
areas of conflicts were listed viz.; Educational, Money
matters, Personal matters, Religious matters,
Household activities, Recreation, Eating habits,
Discipline, and freedom for making decisions. The
respondents were requested to indicate the frequency
with which they experienced conflicts with their
parents and grandparents for a particular area. This
was a three point summated rating scale. The
responses of always, sometimes and never were
scored and the scores of the respondents were
summated separately for each area of conflicts. The
possible score was divided into two categories low
and great which indicated their extent of conflict. An
overall view of the scores obtained on total scale
revealed that majority of the child and parent
experienced great extent of conflicts whereas majority
of the child-grandparents scored low which depicted
their low extent of conflict.. Probing into areas of
conflict it was observed that majority of the child-
grandparents score low on education money,
personal, religious matters, households activities,
recreational matters eating habits and freedom for
making decision areas which revealed that they
experienced low extent of conflicts.
Methods of Resolving Conflict
“One of our most common errors in
communication in all fields and at levels
is to take for granted that when we talk
to others they understood what we say.
We assume that others use words just
as we do. Instead we often talk past or
by-pass them. We use language in ways
that fail to convey accurately what we
mean what we say is not what other
hears or what we want them to hear,
words, ideas, gestures, signs, symbols,
none of these instruments of
communication mean the same to others
that they mean to us. Yet we blithely
assume that they do, and risk our
welfare upon the assumption that our
personalities, plans, and purposes will
be surely, safely, and effectively
communicated”. (Harlow, 1957)
When a number of people live together
under a common roof conflicts occur because
every person has his/her own personality and
thinking. They may disagree on certain points.
When good understanding is found among the
members there are no conflicts. When difference
of opinion and misunderstanding are prevailing
among the family members then conflicts among
the family members occur. Conflicts however,
cannot be stopped totally. Conflicts may affect an
individual‟s peace of mind, create tension and
also affect the health. To avoid conflicts, person
should have control on one‟s anger and should
not loose temper. Conflicts can also be avoided
by discussing and sharing problems in a group.
Methods of Resolving Conflicts
When there is disagreement between
people on any issue there are six possible

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outcomes representing different levels of
adjustment. (Fallet, 1960)
Dominance
Struggle and victory of one side. In the
dominance method one person forces the other
to obey it. It may be physical or mental force and
the person accepts it. For e.g. parents force the
child to study hard to achieve good grades in the
class.
Voluntary Submission
Voluntary submission of one side. A
person can accept the force according to his/her
wish and according to his/her likes and dislikes
for e.g. If the child is not interested in doing
household chores the parents leave up to the
child whether he/she wants to do household
chores or not.
Compromise
Compromise is possible by the
contribution of the two person or more. There is
some voluntary yielding on all side without which
the essential harmony of feeling or resolution of
fundamental differences is not possible for e.g. If
the child is not able to secure good grades in
exam the parents lower their expectations for the
achievement by children, at the same time the
child raise his goal for level of achievement.
Integration
Integration is the level of the settling
conflict in which all person reach to a new
solution together, all are satisfied. For e.g. if the
child is not satisfied by the pocket money given
by the parents, both the child and parents sit
together and mutually think of an option by which
both are satisfied for future allowance.
Conversion
In this, all the members of the group
agree for the solution and they have to choose
among these after weighing all the situations and
decide if the decisions were to be made a new
one.
Acceptance of Differences
The last method of adjusting or solving
conflicts is acceptance of differences. In this the
policy of “live and let live“ works. It is the feeling
about the differences, which determines the
success of this type of solution. It is most
important to understand that there is no conflict
on the earth, which cannot be solved when there
are noble intentions on both the sides.
Most of the child and grand parents had low
extent of conflicts as they followed integration method
of resolving conflicts. This was observed in the dual
career families as the grandparents and children got
more time to interact with each other than the parents.
Conclusion
In recent decades, research has expanded
to investigate ties between grand parents and their
grand children. The present study proved that the
grand parents and children are sharing a special bond
especially in dual career families. The young grand
children receive benefit from having close and
supportive relation grand parents can serve as
advisor of adult grand children as well as and they
can provide help in various areas of life transitions
(Silvesteen & Marrenco, 2001).
In general if the grand children‟s contact with
their grand parents is maintained both can live a
contended life. Grand children can indeed act as a
resource in helping to care for grand parents and the
grand parents enjoy more with grand children. The
present study throws light on the place of
communication for the purpose of healthy relation.
This has widened the data base. The experts from
various field concerned with interpersonal relations
can provide counseling to the families to allow the
grand children to respect their grand parents and
spend time with them so that interpersonal
communication can be strengthened between family
members.
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