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What are the Marital Problems of Happy Couples? A Multimethod, Two‐Sample Investigation

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Family Process
Authors:
Amy J Rauer at University of Tennessee at Knoxville
Amy J Rauer
Allen Sabey at Northwestern University
Allen Sabey
Christine Proulx at University of Vermont
Christine Proulx
Brenda L. Volling at University of Michigan
Brenda L. Volling
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Abstract

How couples handle marital conflict may depend on what issues they are facing, as some issues may be more difficult to resolve than others. What is unclear, however, is what issues happy couples face and how these issues may be different for couples depending on their developmental stage. To explore this possibility, the current study used both self‐reports and observations drawn from two separate samples of happily married couples—one early in middle adulthood (N = 57 couples; average marital duration = 9 years) and one in older adulthood (N = 64 couples; average marital duration = 42 years). Results indicated that all issues were relatively minor, but early middle‐aged couples reported more significant problems than did older couples. As to determining the most salient topic for happy couples, it depended on the spouses’ gender, developmental stage, and how salience was assessed (i.e., highest rated issue vs. most discussed issue). Only moderate links were found between what happy couples said was their most serious concern and what they actually tried to resolve during observations of marital problem‐solving, but there were differences in how spouses behaved based on the proportion of their time discussing certain topics. Findings suggest that more attention should be devoted to understanding what marital issues happy couples discuss and why, as doing so may reveal how couples maintain their marital happiness.
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What are the Marital Problems of Happy Couples?
A Multimethod, Two-Sample Investigation
AMY RAUER*
ALLEN K. SABEY
†
CHRISTINE M. PROULX
‡
BRENDA L. VOLLING
§
How couples handle marital conflict may depend on what issues they are facing, as some
issues may be more difficult to resolve than others. What is unclear, however, is what issues
happy couples face and how these issues may be different for couples depending on their
developmental stage. To explore this possibility, the current study used both self-reports and
observations drawn from two separate samples of happily married couples—one early in
middle adulthood (N=57 couples; average marital duration =9 years) and one in older
adulthood (N=64 couples; average marital duration =42 years). Results indicated that all
issues were relatively minor, but early middle-aged couples reported more significant prob-
lems than did older couples. As to determining the most salient topic for happy couples, it
depended on the spouses’ gender, developmental stage, and how salience was assessed (i.e.,
highest rated issue vs. most discussed issue). Only moderate links were found between what
happy couples said was their most serious concern and what they actually tried to resolve
during observations of marital problem-solving, but there were differences in how spouses
behaved based on the proportion of their time discussing certain topics. Findings suggest
that more attention should be devoted to understanding what marital issues happy couples
discuss and why, as doing so may reveal how couples maintain their marital happiness.
Keywords: Conflict Topics; Marriage; Happy Couples; Middle Adulthood; Older
Adulthood; Observations
Fam Proc 59:1275–1292, 2020
When problems arise in a marriage, the long-term success of that relationship
depends, in part, on how spouses handle the issue (Fincham & Beach, 1999; Mark-
man, Rhoades, Stanley, Ragan, & Whitton, 2010). Recent work, however, suggests that
what couples discuss may play a large role in how they discuss it, as some issues may be
more difficult to resolve than others (e.g., conflicts about money, sex, personality; Papp,
Cummings, & Goeke-Morey, 2009; Rehman, Rellini, & Fallis, 2011; Williamson, Hanna,
*Department of Child and Family Studies, University of Tennessee, Knoxville, TN.
†
The Family Institute, Northwestern University, Evanston, IL.
‡
Department of Human Development and Family Science, University of Missouri, Columbia, MO.
§
Department of Psychology, University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI.
Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Amy Rauer, Department of Child and
Family Studies, University of Tennessee, 1215 West Cumberland Avenue, Knoxville, TN, 37996 E-mail:
arauer@utk.edu.
The research reported was funded by grants from the John E. Fetzer Institute and the Alabama Agricul-
tural Experiment Station. We are grateful to the families of the Marriage and Child Development Study
and the Marriage and Retirement Study for their participation.
1275
Family Process, Vol. 59, No. 3, 2020 ©2019 Family Process Institute
doi: 10.1111/famp.12483
... Global self-report measures of communication quality ask couples to reflect on their communication across a variety of situations. Observational paradigms, though typically based on a specific topic of a couple's choosing, nonetheless generally ignore what topics were discussed and focus instead on overall communication patterns (see Rauer et al., 2020; Williamson et al., 2013a, for exceptions). Prevailing approaches have thus largely not considered how communication might vary by topic and the implications of this variability, despite Kurdek (1994) highlighting the importance of examining "what couples fight about" nearly 30 years ago. ...
... This work has suggested that communication processes can differ according to the topic. For example, communication about children (Williamson et al., 2013a) and relatives (Rauer et al., 2020) was associated with less positive or more negative observed communication. However, because couples provided a single sample of communication for these analyses, these conclusions are based on comparisons between couples who selected one topic and those who selected a different topic. ...
... Our first aim was to examine (a) if there are within-person differences in communication quality between these topics and (b) if, across the entire sample, some topics are rated as higher in communication quality relative to others. Based on the aforementioned findings showing that communication difficulty and processes can vary by topic (e.g., Dew et al., 2012;Rauer et al., 2020;Williamson et al., 2013a), we hypothesized that there would likely be significant within-person variability in communication quality by topic (i.e., communication quality would differ across topics for a given person). We did not have hypotheses regarding whether communication quality for some topics would be rated higher than others (e.g., whether communication about finances would be lower quality than communication about kinfolk) given the lack of research on these topics and in this population to date. ...
Couples’ Communication Quality Differs by Topic
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Extensive research has demonstrated that couples' communication quality is related to many aspects of couples' lives, including relationship satisfaction. However, the possibility that the quality of couples' communication might vary as a function of the topic of communication and the implications of this variability have received relatively little attention. Accordingly, this study sought to examine (a) within-person variability in communication quality between topics, (b) associations with relationship satisfaction, and (c) associations with stressors focal to specific topics. Black coparenting couples (N = 344) reported on their communication quality around four topics: finances, children, racial discrimination, and kinfolk. Results indicated that communication quality significantly differed across topics. Communication quality was lowest for finances and kinfolk, significantly higher when discussing problems with children, and highest when discussing racial discrimination. Moreover, communication quality when discussing finances, kinfolk, and racial discrimination each uniquely predicted relationship satisfaction, even after controlling for each other and for general communication skills. Experiencing more stress around finances and children was associated with poorer communication quality in the focal area (and for financial stress, in some other communication topics as well), whereas the extent of racial discrimination was not significantly associated with communication quality for any topic. These findings reveal significant variability in couples' communication across topics and demonstrate that considering communication for different topics can offer unique information about couples' relationship satisfaction beyond general communication skills. Further research examining topic-specific communication quality may enhance understanding of and interventions for couples' communication. (PsycInfo Database Record (c) 2023 APA, all rights reserved).
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... Another study using older couples without children living in the home noted chores, communication, and habits were the most frequently cited topics (Papp, 2018). In one sample comparing age groups, leisure, and emotional closeness was a top concern for younger couples (Rauer et al., 2019). In contrast, older couples designated health as a common conflict topic, while emotional closeness was no longer one of the top five concerns (Rauer et al., 2019). ...
... In one sample comparing age groups, leisure, and emotional closeness was a top concern for younger couples (Rauer et al., 2019). In contrast, older couples designated health as a common conflict topic, while emotional closeness was no longer one of the top five concerns (Rauer et al., 2019). The addition of leisure to the conflict topics, perhaps, demonstrates that couples' problem areas are beginning to evolve as society is changing (Rauer et al., 2019). ...
... In contrast, older couples designated health as a common conflict topic, while emotional closeness was no longer one of the top five concerns (Rauer et al., 2019). The addition of leisure to the conflict topics, perhaps, demonstrates that couples' problem areas are beginning to evolve as society is changing (Rauer et al., 2019). ...
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... The findings of this study align with prior studies (Alizade, 2022;Falconier et al., 2023;Hiefner, 2021;Isanejad & Alizade, 2020;Kärner et al., 2021;Markman et al., 2022;Molgora et al., 2022;Omidian et al., 2019;Rauer et al., 2020;Ştefǎnuţ et al., 2021). ...
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... flict has been linked to problems such as psychological distress (Papp, 2018), sadness, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression (Polenick et al., 2018). For example, internalization about unresolved conflict (Daminger, 2020), stress (van der Wal et al., 2019), isolation or social withdrawal, and criticism (Rauer et al., 2020) have been reported between partners. Intergenerational conflict is defined as the perceived differences between generations in values, behaviors, or identity (Urick et al., 2017). ...
The Lived Experience of Postpartum Intergenerational Conflict of Vietnamese American Women with their Vietnamese Immigrant Parents: It's A Generational Thing!
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Purpose US-born Vietnamese women who are in their childbearing years are more likely to identify with “western” perspectives when compared to their immigrant mothers who were born in Vietnam. Still, a gap in knowledge exists of their intergenerational differences. The purpose of this study was to explore and better understand Vietnamese American women's experiences of postpartum intergenerational conflict. Study Design and Methods van Manen's methodological approach (1997) was used. The purposive sample included 11 US-born Vietnamese women who experienced postpartum intergenerational conflict with their parents. Data were transcribed verbatim and analyzed using thematic analysis. The researcher transcended the themes through music. Songs and lyrics were arranged for guitar to bring the phenomenon to life. Results Four themes were identified: (1) “It's a Generational Thing!” (Một điều thế hệ): Leaning both ways; (2) “To rebel or not” (Nổi loạn hay không): Weighing the evidence of postpartum cultural practices; (3) “Stand My Ground” (Giữ vững lập trường của tôi): Keeping my newborn safe and healthy; and (4) “See Me” (Nhìn con): My mental health overshadowed by my mother's thoughts. This study revealed that the intergenerational conflict was influenced by the family's understanding over the division of infant care tasks, disagreements over cultural practices, and generational differences such as age, consistent with previous research. Clinical Implications Tailored interventions for Vietnamese American women should consider the family as a whole. Nurses can assess proactively in prenatal care if there are cultural issues such as family hierarchy, gender, and history influencing one's choices or maternal autonomy.
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... Several studies have shown that couples who fight more have a more fulfilling and long-lasting relationships (University of Michigan, 2008). Further research into this phenomenon has shown that there is a correlation between the pattern of resolving conflicts and relationship satisfaction (Rauer et al., 2019). What might seem irrational at first glance can often prove to be a significant scheme of how our relationships work. ...
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... Status, noted in earlier work (Bravo et al., 2017), albeit at low frequency, was not mentioned by this sample, perhaps because couple members were not as concerned about peer group norms as are adolescents (Brown, 1999). The Family/Friends theme was mentioned by this sample but not by previous ones that used emerging adults, although concerns about tension with partners' family members were found with married couples (Rauer, Sabey, Proulx, & Volling, 2019). Rather than concerns about fitting in with the general peer group (Status), concerns about being accepted by family and close friends fit the developmental shift towards romantic partners becoming more central figures in the social networks of emerging adults (Furman & Wehner, 1997). ...
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... Status, noted in earlier work (Bravo et al., 2017), albeit at low frequency, was not mentioned by this sample, perhaps because couple members were not as concerned about peer group norms as are adolescents (Brown, 1999). The Family/Friends theme was mentioned by this sample but not by previous ones that used emerging adults, although concerns about tension with partners' family members were found with married couples (Rauer, Sabey, Proulx, & Volling, 2019). Rather than concerns about fitting in with the general peer group (Status), concerns about being accepted by family and close friends fit the developmental shift towards romantic partners becoming more central figures in the social networks of emerging adults (Furman & Wehner, 1997). ...
Break-up Anxiety in Conflict Narratives Told by Emerging Adult Couples
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