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The Arc of Love: How Our Romantic Lives Change over Time
Aaron Ben-Ze’ev
The University of Chicago Press, 2019
Is love best when it is fresh? For many, the answer is a resounding “yes.” The intense
experiences that characterize new love are impossible to replicate, leading us to reflect
on these moments with longing and pursue the thrill offered by these beginnings.
Aaron Ben-Ze’ev takes these experiences seriously, but he’s also here to remind us of
the benefits of profound love—an emotion that can only develop with time. In The Arc of
Love, he provides an in-depth, philosophical account of the experiences that arise in
early, intense love—sexual passion, novelty, change—as well as the benefits of
cultivating long-term, profound love—stability, development, calmness. Ben-Ze’ev
analyzes the core of emotions we experience in early love and the challenges we
encounter, and he offers pointers for weathering these challenges. Deploying the
rigorous analysis of a philosopher, but writing clearly and in an often humorous style with
an eye to lived experience, he takes on topics like compromise, commitment, polyamory,
choosing a partner, online dating, and when to say “I love you.” Ultimately, Ben-Ze’ev
assures us, while love is indeed best when fresh, if we tend to it carefully, it can become
more delicious and nourishing even as time marches on.
“Aaron Ben-Ze’ev’s new book The Arc of Love is an enthralling account of why so many
people today end up in a series of meaningless short-term relationships, hoping that one
day they will meet their perfect match. But Ben-Ze’ev doesn’t settle for identifying the
root cause of why we are having trouble finding profound long-lasting love. Throughout
the book he offers practical advice that can help you get rid of your unrealistic ideals and
show you how you can come to experience the magic of being able to grow old with the
person you love.”—Berit “Brit” Brogaard, author of On Romantic Love
“It is important, when contemplating the nature of love, to remember that every romantic
love relationship, like the people involved in it, has a history. Love is not static; it is a
thing with a story, a thing that takes place in time. Aaron Ben-Ze’ev’s wide-ranging new
book, The Arc of Love, which focuses on this aspect of love, will be of interest to
philosophers, psychologists, and others who are doing their best to think adequately
about this significant, meaningful, very human phenomenon.”—Troy Jollimore, author of
Syllabus of Errors
“The Arc of Love is a deeply thoughtful analysis that weaves together psychological
insights with philosophy, neuroscience, sociology, economics, pop culture, literature, and
real stories from real people to show how profound and enduring long-term romantic
love is achievable. It untangles a dense web of unhelpful myths, mysteries, and
assumptions about love and gives us an arsenal of handy intellectual tools with which to
open up new romantic possibilities. It also strikes a playful balance between serious
scholarly inquiry and almost poetic prose that makes it delightfully readable and, at
times, laugh-out-loud funny. Ben-Ze’ev’s optimism about keeping and enhancing
romantic and personal flourishing is contagious and inspiring.”—Skye Cleary, author of
Existentialism and Romantic Love
