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Which Love Language do You Speak With Your Child? What Are the Effects of your Age, Level of Education, Work Status, and the Number of Children in the Family on the Used Love Languages?

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The purpose of the current study was to identify which languages of love that the mother used with her child. In addition, it examined the effect of mother’s age, level of education, work status, and the number of children in the family on the extent of the mother’s use of love languages. The study sample consisted of 729 mothers from the study population. The researchers used a questionnaire instrument that consisted of 105 items that were groups into five dimensions that represent the five love languages proposed by Gary Chapman, (1992). The researchers adopted and adjusted five love languages questionnaire to make it appropriate to be used in the Arab world. The questionnaire instrument was presented to panel of experts to check its validity. Appropriate statistical analysis methods were performed on participants’ responses to the questionnaire. The findings showed that the most common type of love language that the mothers used to speak with their children was “acts of service”, while the least common type of love language that the mothers used to speak with their children was “words of affirmation”. In addition, the results showed that there were no significant differences in the extent of the mother’s use of love languages based on mother’s age, level of education, work status, and the number of children in the family. Based on the findings, the study provided some recommendations that were related to the important guidance roles of the institutions, centers and associations that concerned with the childhood sector and the parental relationship. These institutions, centers and associations should conduct training sessions and seminars that aim to discuss the nature of the relationship between mothers and their children. They should publish more training manuals and records that discuss the concept of love between the mother and her child and improve parents understanding of the love relationship between the mother and her child. Another important recommendation was related to the need to conduct more research studies to understand the relationship between the mother and her child.
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International Journal of Learning and Development
ISSN 2164-4063
2019, Vol. 9, No. 2
http://ijld.macrothink.org
187
Which Love Language do You Speak With Your Child?
What Are the Effects of your Age, Level of Education,
Work Status, and the Number of Children in the Family
on the Used Love Languages?
Reham Al-Mohtadi (Corresponding author)
School of Education
Al- Hussein bin Talal University Jordan.
Intisar Turki Al-darabah
School of Education
Al- Hussein bin Talal University, Jordan
Tel: 96-279-810-8464 E-mail: entesusm@yahoo.com
Khaled Mohamad Hamaden
School of Education
Middle East University, Jordan
Received: December 25, 2018 Accepted: June 6, 2019 Published: June 27, 2019
doi:10.5296/ijld.v9i2.15012 URL: https://doi.org/10.5296/ijld.v9i2.15012
Abstract
The purpose of the current study was to identify which languages of love that the mother used
with her child. In addition, it examined the effect of mother’s age, level of education, work
status, and the number of children in the family on the extent of the mother’s use of love
languages. The study sample consisted of 729 mothers from the study population. The
researchers used a questionnaire instrument that consisted of 105 items that were groups into
five dimensions that represent the five love languages proposed by Gary Chapman, (1992). The
researchers adopted and adjusted five love languages questionnaire to make it appropriate to be
used in the Arab world. The questionnaire instrument was presented to panel of experts to
check its validity. Appropriate statistical analysis methods were performed on participants’
International Journal of Learning and Development
ISSN 2164-4063
2019, Vol. 9, No. 2
http://ijld.macrothink.org
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responses to the questionnaire.
The findings showed that the most common type of love language that the mothers used to
speak with their children was “acts of service”, while the least common type of love language
that the mothers used to speak with their children was “words of affirmation”. In addition, the
results showed that there were no significant differences in the extent of the mother’s use of
love languages based on mother’s age, level of education, work status, and the number of
children in the family. Based on the findings, the study provided some recommendations that
were related to the important guidance roles of the institutions, centers and associations that
concerned with the childhood sector and the parental relationship. These institutions, centers
and associations should conduct training sessions and seminars that aim to discuss the nature of
the relationship between mothers and their children. They should publish more training
manuals and records that discuss the concept of love between the mother and her child and
improve parents understanding of the love relationship between the mother and her child.
Another important recommendation was related to the need to conduct more research studies to
understand the relationship between the mother and her child.
Keywords: love languages, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service
and physical touch.
1. Introduction
Some parents believe that love means providing clothes and gifts to their children, while they
ignore the sentimental part of love that is related to express their emotions and feelings to their
children (Chapman, 1992). One of the most important needs that a child need to in order to
strength his/her personality is the emotional satisfaction of love and compassion, where mother
should satisfy her children’s emotional needs in order to make them feel safe and comfortable
(Chapman, 1992).
Raising children depends on the love relationship between these children and their parents, the
child who feels loved would accomplish the desired results (Nichole & Denise, 2006). The
parents naturally love their children. However, sometimes the children may not feel loved since
the parents fail to communicate their love to their children (Chapman, 1992; Deborah, 2000).
Typically, satisfying children’s physical needs is easy for their parents, but physical needs are
not the only significant needs for the children (Chapman, 1992; Dainton, 2000). Parents’ use of
love languages with their children does not mean that these children would not rebel against
their parents in the future, but parents’ use of love languages with their children means that
theses children will feel that they are loved and that would enhance their feelings of hope and
safety (Chapman,1992; Backett, 1982). Making the children feel loved would help raising
them to be responsible individuals. Love is the essence of the relationship between the parents
and their children. When parents speak the child's love language, they fill his/her emotional
reservoir with love (Brannen & Moss 1987). Children who feel loved would respond better to
parental discipline and refinement compared to the children who do not feel loved.
Therefore, the parents, particularly mothers, need to learn about the five love languages and the
most common language that they used with their children (Chodorow, 1978; Chodorow, 1989).
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However, love can be communicated using more than one love language (Dainton, 2000;
Chapman, 1992). The children would feel loved through the use of different types of love
languages (Chapman, 1992). Therefore, parents need to learn about the different types of love
language to in order to improve their communication with their children. Parents need to learn
about the main type of love languages that they use with their children and the factors that
would influence the levels of their use of the different types of love languages with their
children. The current study focused on the mothers’ use of love languages with her children.
2. Theoretical Framework
Love can be communicated to the child using at least one of the five love languages (Chapman,
1992). The five love languages include physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time,
receiving gifts, and acts of service (Chapman, 1992). Physical touch is the simplest expression
of love that can be used without conditions. Physical touch is not limited to hugging and
kissing, but it includes any form of physical communication such as friendly pat on the
shoulder. Words of affirmation have great power to express love, where words of
encouragement, appreciation, praise and compliment as well as the words that express positive
attitudes toward the child would mean to him/her that “I do care about you” (Chapman,1992;
Crouch, & Manderson 1993). The mother can express her love to her child through using
quality time, where giving the child enough attentions through spending time playing and
talking to him/her is a way to express her love to the child (Daly, 1993; Ehrensaft, 1995).
Receiving gifts is another type of love languages, where the only way for some children to feel
loved is to receive gifts (Chapman, 1992). However, giving gifts for the child should be
associated with expressions of love and the gifts should be given to the child with the presence
of the whole family. In addition, the parents should choose the right gifts for their child (Daly,
1993). Acts of service involve helping the child accomplishing tasks that he/she cannot do by
him/herself. Through the language of acts of service, the child would learn how to help others
in the family and how to be mature and responsible. In addition, it is important to teach the
child how to help others (Chapman, 1992). Satisfying the child's needs of love and tenderness
would make him/her obedient, cooperative and would improve his/her discipline. Therefore,
expressing compassion and love to the child is a cornerstone of his/her education, where
expressing compassion and love to the child would help in understanding his/her actions and in
earning his/her trust (Everingham, 1994; Hays, 1996)
3. Problem of the Study
Changes in lifestyle and the effect of technological advancements have led to increase in the
social distance and limitations in expressing personal feelings in the society, where people are
becoming cold hearted and their relationships are characterized by being free of feelings. Many
mothers are not provided with appropriate guidance to express their feelings to and strengthen
their association with their children. Nowadays children might not have gotten much physical
touching from their fathers compared to the older generations, where nowadays fathers are
working for long hours and they are returning home exhausted.
Research studies have shown that the children, who have received affection, tenderness,
closeness, and physical interaction with their teachers or relatives, have had a much better
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social and emotional development than those who have been deprived of such forms of love
(McMahon, 1995; Ribbens, 1994). Moreover, the behaviors and personality characteristics of
adult people are strongly associated with their experiences during their childhood. Happy
children have positive emotions, high self-confidence skills, flexible personality, and skills of
optimism.
4. Importance of the Study
Raising children with love would help them in their emotional reconciliation process. Raising
children with love would make them able to react properly to their different and sudden
emotions states. Raising children with love would teach the children how to show stable
reactions to different emotions such as love, jealousy, anger, fear and depression, which the
child naturally faces.
Social and emotional development of the child would determine the characteristics of his/her
future personality in terms of being brave or fearful, selfish or collaborator, a person who love
to control others or a person who love to work and cooperate with others, and a person who
would accepts criticism or a person who are constantly tense and anxious.
The parents should be very careful in dealing with children between the ages of 2 and 6 years,
where this stage of age is very sensitive stage of development, where this stage is considered as
the most important stage in the lives of children. Children between the two and six years old
would start to learn the moral values, to use their imagination and to shape their emotions.
Richards, (1978), Verheyen, (1987), Lupton, and Barclay (1997), and Ribbens, (1994),
reported that the emotions of children between the ages of 2 and 6 years would overcome their
logic, where the children at this stage would be spontaneous and having volatile mood. In
addition at this stage of age, the children would develop complex emotions like the sense of a
deficiency and guilt, anger and fear, envy and jealousy". These feelings are spontaneous
reactions from children to express their frustrating feelings that they hide and reject at the same
time.
Every mother would like to have a perfect child who is quiet and obedient and who do not make
mistakes (Hays, 1996; Komter, 1987). However, the mother would be disappointed when she
feels that her child does not behave as she expected (Everingham, 1994). Mothers need to learn
that the child would acquire his/her behaviors and the ways of expressing his/her feelings from
observing the adults around him/her. The mother is the first person that the child would take as
model in his/her behaviors and he/she would imitate her (Crouch & Manderson 1993).
5. Purpose of the Study
The aim of the current study was to answer the following research questions:
1. What are the levels of mothers’ use of five love languages (words of affirmation,
quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch) with their children?
2. Are there any statistically significant differences at (α=0.05) in participants’ levels of
using the five love languages based on their age?
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3. Are there any statistically significant differences at (α=0.05) in participants’ levels of
using the five love languages based on the number of the children in their family?
4. Are there any statistically significant differences at (α=0.05) in participants’ levels of
using the five love languages based on their educational level?
5. Are there any statistically significant differences at (α=0.05) in participants’ levels of
using the five love languages based on their work status?
6. Research Methodology
The researchers used descriptive survey research approach. Descriptive survey research
approach was appropriate for the nature of the current research queries.
6.1 Study Sample
The study sample consisted of 729 mothers who had at least one child between the ages of two
to six years old. Table 1 shows the distribution of participating mothers based on the Jordanian
governorate that they were from.
Table 1. The distribution of Participating Mothers based on the Jordanian Governorate that
they were from.
6.2 Study Instrument
Participants’ agreements to the questionnaire’ items were measured using three-point Likert
scale, where the responses options for each questionnaire’s item were: 1 for disagree, 2 for
neutral, and 3 for agree. The following equation was used to describe participants’ level of
approval to the questionnaire’ items
Governorate Number of mothers
Amman 200
Irbid 160
Karak 119
Ma'an 100
Aqaba 15
Total 729
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The length of interval =
highest value-lowest value = 3-1 = 0.66
number of levels 3
Based on the result of the above equation, the following descriptions of the levels for
participants’ approval to the questionnaire’ items were adopted:
Between 1 and 1.66 – Low
Between 1.67 and 2.33– Moderate
Between 2.34 and 3 – High
In order to examine the reliability of the used questionnaire and the internal consistency of the
questionnaire’s, Cronbach’s alpha coefficients were computed for the collected data from a
pilot sample that consisted of 150 mothers who were not part of the current study. The values of
the Cronbach’s alpha reliability coefficients were high and appropriate for the purpose of the
current study. Table 2 shows the values of Cronbach’s Alpha reliability coefficients.
Table 2. The Values of Cronbach’s Alpha Reliability Coefficients for the Questionnaire’s
Scales.
Scale Internal consistency
Words of affirmation 0.99
Quality time 0.98
Receiving gifts 0.98
Acts of service 0.98
Physical touch 0.98
Overall 0.99
6.3 Study Sample
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Table 3. The Frequency and Percentage of the Participants distributed based
Categories Frequency Percentage
Mother 's age
18-30 years old 180 24.7
31-45 years old 254 34.8
45 years old 295 40.5
Number of children in the
family
One child 135 18.5
Two to three children 313 42.9
Four children or more 281 38.5
Mother's Educational level Educated 289 39.6
Un-educated 440 60.4
Mother's work Status Working 293 40.2
Not working 436 59.8
Overall 729 100.0
6. Results
First research question: “What are the levels of mothers’ use of five love languages with their
children?”
In order to answer the first research question, means and standard deviations were computed
for mothers’ responses to each scale in the questionnaire. Table 4 shows the means and
standard deviation of mothers’ responses to each scale in the questionnaire that measured
levels of mothers’ use of the five love languages.
Table 4. Means and Standard Deviations of Mothers’ Responses to the Levels of their Use of
Love Languages with their Children
Rank Number Scale Mean SD Level
1 3 Acts of service 2.35 .74 High
2 4 Physical touch 2.32 .74 Moderate
3 2 Quality time 2.24 .63 Moderate
4 3 Receiving gifts 2.23 .70 Moderate
5 2 Words of affirmation 2.16 .69 Moderate
Overall 2.25 .68 Moderate
The results showed that the means of the participants’ levels of using the five love languages
ranged between (M = 2.35, SD =.74) to (M = 2.16, SD =.69). The mothers responded most
positively to “Acts of service” scale (M = 2.35, SD=0.74). The mothers responded least
positively to “Words of affirmation” scale (M = 2.16, SD =.69). The level of overall mean of
the participants’ use o five love languages was moderate (M = 2.25, SD=0.68).
Second research question: “Are there any statistically significant differences at (α=0.05) in
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participants’ levels of using the five love languages based on their age?
In order to answer the second research question, means and standard deviations were computed
for mothers’ responses to each scale in the questionnaire based on their age. Table 5 shows the
means and standard deviation of mothers’ responses to five love languages scales based on
their age.
Table 5. Means and Standard Deviations of Mothers’ Responses to the Levels of their Use of
the Five Love Languages with their Children based on their Age
Scale Categories Number Mean SD
Words of affirmation 18-30 years old 180 2.16 .72
31-45 years old 254 2.20 .678
45 years old 295 2.14 .69
Overall 729 2.16 .69
Quality time 18-30 years old 180 2.22 .65
31-45 years old 254 2.28 .61
45 years old 295 2.22 .63
Overall 729 2.24 .63
Receiving gifts 18-30 years old 180 2.21 .74
31-45 years old 254 2.27 .68
45 years old 295 2.21 .70
Overall 729 2.23 .70
Acts of service 18-30 years old 180 2.32 .78
31-45 years old 254 2.40 .72
45 years old 295 2.33 .73
Overall 729 2.35 .74
Physical touch 18-30 years old 180 2.28 .78
31-45 years old 254 2.36 .71
45 years old 295 2.31 .74
Overall 729 2.32 .74
Overall 18-30 years old 180 2.22 .72
31-45 years old 254 2.29 .66
45 years old 295 2.23 .68
Overall 729 2.25 .68
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Table 5 shows that there were variations in the means of mothers’ responses to the levels of
their use the five love languages with their children based on their age. Analysis of variance
(ANOVA) was carried out to check whether these differences were statistically significant at
(α =0.05) (Table 6).
Table 6. One-Way ANOVA- Mothers’ Responses to the Levels of their Use of the Five Love
Languages with their Children based for their Age
Scale Groups Sum of squares Degrees of freedom Mean Square F Sig.
Words of affirmation Between groups .622 2 .31
.64 .53
within groups 350.49 726 .48
Overall 351.11 728
Quality time Between groups .584 2 .29
.74 .48
within groups 286.20 726 .39
Overall 286.78 728
Receiving gifts Between groups .60 2 .30
.61 .54
within groups 358.12 726 .49
Overall 358.72 728
Acts of service Between groups .80 2 .40
.73 .48
within groups 397.57 726 .55
Overall 398.37 728
Physical touch Between groups .91 2 .45
.83 .44
within groups 398.51 726 .55
Overall 399.4 728
Overall Between groups .64 2 .32
.69 .50
within groups 338.41 726 .47
Overall 339.05 728
Table 6 shows that there were no significant differences in the levels of mothers’ use of the five
love languages with their children for their age. In addition, there were no significant
differences in the overall mothers’ use of love languages for their age.
Third research question: “Are there any statistically significant differences at (α=0.05) in
participants’ levels of using the five love languages based on the number of the children in
their family?
In order to answer the third research question, means and standard deviations were computed
for mothers’ responses to each scale in the questionnaire based on the number of the children in
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their family. Table 7 shows the means and standard deviation of mothers’ responses to five
love languages scales based on the number of the children in their family.
Table 7. Means and Standard Deviations of Mothers’ Responses to the Levels of their Use of
the Five Love Languages with their Children based on the Number of the Children in their
Family
Scale Categories Number Mean SD
Words of affirmation One child 135 2.18 .68
Two to three children 313 2.16 .69
Four children or more 281 2.16 .71
Overall 729 2.16 .69
Quality time One child 135 2.26 .62
Two to three children 313 2.24 .62
Four children or more 281 2.23 .64
Overall 729 2.24 .63
Receiving gifts One child 135 2.24 .69
Two to three children 313 2.23 .70
Four children or more 281 2.23 .71
Overall 729 2.23 .70
Acts of service One child 135 2.35 .72
Two to three children 313 2.36 .74
Four children or more 281 2.35 .75
Overall 729 2.35 .74
Physical touch One child 135 2.34 .74
Two to three children 313 2.32 .74
Four children or more 281 2.31 .74
Overall 729 2.32 .74
Overall One child 135 2.26 .67
Two to three children 313 2.25 .68
Four children or more 281 2.24 .69
Overall 729 2.25 .68
Tables 7 shows that there were variations in the means of mothers’ responses to the levels of
their use the five love languages with their children based on the number of the children in their
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family, Analysis of variance (ANOVA) was carried out to check whether these differences
were statistically significant at (α =0.05) (Table 8).
Table 8. One-Way ANOVA- Mothers’ Responses to the Levels of their Use of the Five Love
Languages with their Children for the Number of Children in their Family
Scale Groups Sum of squares Degrees of freedom Mean Square F Sig.
Words of affirmation Between groups .07 2 .03
.07
.93
within groups 351.047 726 .48
Overall 351.11 728
Quality time Between groups .064 2 .03
.08
.92
within groups 286.72 726 .40
Overall 286.78 728
Receiving gifts Between groups .020 2 .01
.02
.98
within groups 358.70 726 .49
Overall 358.72 728
Acts of service Between groups .01 2 .004
.01
.99
within groups 398.36 726 .55
Overall 398.37 728
Physical touch Between groups .10 2 .051
.09
.91
within groups 399.31 726 .55
Overall 399.41 728
Overall Between groups .041 2 .021
.04 .96
within groups 339.01 726 .47
Overall 339.05 728
Table 8 shows that there were no significant differences in the levels of mothers’ use of the five
love languages with their children for the number of the children in their family. In addition,
there were no significant differences in the overall mothers’ use of love languages for the
number of the children in their family.
Fourth research question: “Are there any statistically significant differences at (α=0.05) in
participants’ levels of using the five love languages based on their educational level?
In order to answer the fourth research question, means and standard deviations were computed
for mothers’ responses to each scale in the questionnaire based on their educational level. In
addition, t-tests were conducted to examine the differences in in the means of mothers’
responses to the levels of their use the five love languages with their children based on their
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educational level (Educated Un-educated) (Table 9)
Table 9. Means and Standard Deviations and Results of T-Tests of Mothers’ Responses to the
Levels of their Use of the Five Love Languages with their Children based on their Educational
Level
Scale Mother's Educational level n M SD t F Sig
Words of affirmation Educated 289 2.13 .71
-1.06 727 .29
Un-educated 440 2.19 .68
Quality time Educated 289 2.21 .64
-1.05 727 .30
Un-educated 440 2.26 .62
Receiving gifts Educated 289 2.20 .72
-1.08 727 .28
Un-educated 440 2.26 .69
Acts of service Educated 289 2.31 .76
-1.24 727 .22
Un-educated 440 2.38 .73
Physical touch Educated 289 2.28 .76
-1.22 727 .23
Un-educated 440 2.35 .73
Overall Educated 289 2.21 .70
-1.12 727 .26
Un-educated 440 2.27 .67
Table 9 shows that there were no significant differences in the levels of mothers’ use of the five
love languages with their children based on their educational level. In addition, there were no
significant differences in the overall mothers’ use of love languages for their educational level.
Fifth research question: “Are there any statistically significant differences at (α=0.05) in
participants’ levels of using the five love languages based on their work status?
In order to answer the fifth research question, means and standard deviations were computed
for mothers’ responses to each scale in the questionnaire based on their work status. In addition,
t-tests were conducted to examine the differences in in the means of mothers’ responses to the
levels of their use the five love languages with their children based on their work status
(working or not working) (Table 10)
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Table 10. Means and standard deviations and results of t-tests of mothers’ responses to the
levels of their use the five love languages with their children based on their work status
Scale Mother’s work n M SD t F Sig
Words of affirmation
Working 293 2.22 .68 1.62
727
.11
Not working 436 2.13 .70
Quality time
Working 293 2.29 .61 1.68
727
.09
Not working 436 2.21 .64
Receiving gifts
Working 293 2.28 .69 1.54
727
.12
Not working 436 2.20 .71
Acts of service
Working 293 2.40 .73 1.57
727
.12
Not working 436 2.32 .75
Physical touch
Working 293 2.37 .72 1.45
727
..15
Not working 436 2.29 .75
Overall Working 293 2.30 .67 1.60 727 .11
Table 10 shows that there were no significant differences in the levels of mothers’ use of the
five love languages with their children based on their work status. In addition, there were no
significant differences in the overall mothers’ use of love languages for their working status.
6. Discussion
The findings showed that the most common type of love languages that the mothers used to
speak with their children was “acts of service”, while the least common type of love languages
that the mothers used to speak with their children was “words of affirmation”. A possible
explanation of the result is that the parents would express their love to their children through
doings things for them that the children cannot do by themselves. The parents would express
their love to their children through preparing food for them and paying their school expenses.
Some mother would feel grateful for providing her children with different types of services.
These mothers would express their love to their children through washing dishes and cleaning
the house. Furthermore, the mothers who use acts of service to express their love to their
children would like to do nice things for their children such as helping them in their home
works and school projects and giving them rides. These mothers would believe that acts of
services would fill their children’s emotional reservoirs with love
Regarding the effects of mother’s age, mother’s educational level, number of children in the
family, and mother’s work status on the extent of the mothers’ use of love languages, the
results showed that these variables would not affect the extent of the mothers’ use of love
languages.
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7. Recommendation of the Study
Based on the findings, the study suggested the following recommendations:
The need to emphasize on the important guidance roles of the institutions, centers
and associations that concerned with the childhood sector and the parental
relationship. These institutions, centers and associations should conduct training
sessions and seminars that aim to discuss the nature of the relationship between
mother and her child. These training sessions should particularly target newly
married couples.
There is a need to publish more training manuals and records that discuss the
concept of love between the mother and her child and improve parents
understanding of love relationship with their children.
There is a need to conduct more research studies to understand the relationship
between the mothers and their children. In addition, there is need to introduce
and examine new concepts related to love between the mother and their children
such as the concepts of giving love, punishment as an act of love, blocking love,
equality of the child with passion.
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