Partner Violence in Muslim Marriages: Tips for Therapists in the US

Abstract

Partner violence in Muslim marriages is one of the most challenging subjects in the therapy setting for both therapists and Muslim clients. Due to the lack of studies and the negative reputation of Muslim families’ in Western culture, many therapists may carry stereotypes about partner violence in Muslim societies. Moreover, as a result of these same reasons, many Muslim clients might be hesitant to seek help or share their negative experiences. In family therapy, therapists would benefit from knowing what Muslim marriages are like and from learning to respect their clients’ cultural values. Understanding Muslim families better can be valuable in the therapy setting for many Muslim clients by helping therapists recognize abuse and enabling clients to seek help for partner violence. The current study aims to guide therapists in understanding marriages, cultural values, and partner violence in terms of Muslim marriages; to prepare them for challenges in therapy; and also to encourage future studies focused on preventing and combatting intimate partner violence.

Full text

Received: September 21, 2018
Revision Received: December 6, 2018
Accepted: December 24, 2018
Copyright © 2019  EDAM
eISSN: 2458-9675
spiritualpc.net
DOI 10.12738/spc.2019.4.1.0055
Original Article
SPIRITUAL PSYCHOLOGY AND COUNSELING
1IstanbulKadıköyCounselingandResearchCenter,Istanbul-Turkey.E-mail:esranihanbridge@gmail.com
2 Correspondence to: NesrinDuman.BartinUniversityPsychologyDepartmentKutlubeyCampus,Bartın-Turkey.E-mail:
nesrinduman@bartin.edu.tr
Citation: Bridge, E. N., & Duman, N. (2019). Partner violence in Muslim marriages: Tips for therapists in the US. Spiritual
Psychology and Counseling 4, 57–66. http://dx.doi.org/10.12738/spc.2019.4.1.0055
Abstract
PartnerviolenceinMuslimmarriagesisoneofthemostchallengingsubjectsinthetherapysettingforboththerapistsand
Muslimclients.DuetothelackofstudiesandthenegativereputationofMuslimfamilies’inWesternculture,manytherapists
maycarrystereotypesaboutpartnerviolenceinMuslimsocieties.Moreover,asaresultofthesesamereasons,manyMuslim
clientsmightbehesitanttoseekhelporsharetheirnegativeexperiences.Infamilytherapy,therapistswouldbenefitfrom
knowingwhatMuslimmarriagesarelikeandfromlearningtorespecttheirclients’culturalvalues.UnderstandingMuslim
familiesbettercanbevaluableinthetherapysettingfor manyMuslim clientsby helpingtherapists recognizeabuseand
enablingclientstoseekhelpforpartnerviolence.Thecurrentstudy aimstoguidetherapistsin understandingmarriages,
culturalvalues,andpartnerviolenceintermsofMuslimmarriages;topreparethemforchallengesintherapy;andalsoto
encouragefuturestudiesfocusedonpreventingandcombattingintimatepartnerviolence.
Keywords:
Muslimmarriages•Intimatepartnerviolence•Couples•Violence•Therapist
Müslüman Evliliklerde Partner Şiddeti: ABD’deki Terapistler İçin Öneriler
Özet
Müslüman evliliklerde partner şiddeti, hem terapistler hem de Müslüman danışanlar için terapi ortamındaki en zorlu
konulardanbiridir.Çalışmalarınyetersizliği veMüslüman ailelerinBatı kültüründekiolumsuz itibarınedeniyle, pekçok
terapist Müslüman toplumlarda partner şiddeti ile ilgili önyargılartaşıyabilmektedir. Ayrıca, bu benzer nedenlerin bir
sonucuolarak,birçokMüslümandanışanyardımistemede veyaolumsuz deneyimlerinipaylaşmada tereddütyaşayabilir.
Aileterapisinde,Müslüman evliliklerinnasıl olduğunubilmek vedanışanların kültüreldeğerleriniöğrenmek terapistlere
faydasağlayacaktır.Müslümanaileleriterapi ortamındadahaiyi anlamak,birçokMüslüman danışanayönelikterapilerde
terapistlerinşiddetitanımalarınayardımcıolmadavedanışanlarınpartnerşiddetiiçinyardımaramalarınısağlamadadeğerli
olabilir.Buçalışma,terapistlereMüslümanevliliklerini,kültüreldeğerlerinivepartnerşiddetinianlamadarehberliketmeyi;
onlarıterapidekizorluklarahazırlamayıveayrıcaeşe/partnereyönelikşiddetiönlemevebunlarlamücadeleyeodaklanmış
gelecektekiçalışmalarıteşviketmeyiamaçlamaktadır.
Anahtar Kelimeler:
Müslümanevlilikler•Yakınpartnerşiddeti•Çiftler,Şiddet•Terapist
EsraNihanBridge1
Kadıköy Counseling and Research Center
NesrinDuman2
Bartın University
Partner Violence in Muslim Marriages:
Tips for Therapists in the US

SPIRITUAL PSYCHOLOGY AND COUNSELING
58
Understanding cultural diversity and assessing religion’s impact on families have
increasingly received attention from many therapists and researchers in the eld of
family therapy (Daneshpour, 1998, 2016). Even though a large Muslim population
exists in the US, the majority consists of African-Americans, Asians, and Arabs
(Abugideiri, 2010) with the religion of Islam still being one of the most unfamiliar
and misjudged religions in the world (Mohamad, 1996). Daneshpour (1998) stated
Western thinking to have many negative opinions related to Islam, such as the religion
being oppressive to women and many Muslim men being aggressive or terrorists
(Daneshpour, 1998, 2016). One can predict that many therapists also might lack
information or even carry negative assumptions about the religion.
Daneshpour (1998) believes that this negative reputation causes Muslim people
in the USA some reluctance in seeking therapy. The fears of being judged and of
being viewed as irrational may cause many Muslims to resist seeking therapy, even
in serious situations (Daneshpour, 1998, 2016). In the eld of family therapy, having
therapists know what Muslim marriages are like and learning to respect clients’
cultural/religious values is very important for clients being able to feel understood
and respected in a therapy setting. For Muslim clients as well as the therapists, partner
violence in Muslim marriages appears as one of the most difcult topics. Partner
violence includes physical-sexual-emotional violence, stalking, and psychological
aggression (including coercive acts) by a current or former intimate partner (“Intimate
partner”, 2018). When Muslim families in the USA encounter partner violence, many
of them may be reluctant to seek help or talk about their negative experiences in a
therapy setting. Moreover, in some situations, therapists might overreact about the
power dynamics in couple relations or be confused about the indicators of partner
violence in Muslim marriages. For this reason, understanding the values of Muslim
families can be invaluable for therapists and many Muslim clients for recognizing
and assisting with partner violence. The purpose of this paper is to address partner
violence for Muslims in family therapy. It aims to guide therapists in understanding
marriage, cultural values and partner violence in Muslim marriages, in preparing
them for challenges in therapy, and also in encouraging future studies focused on
preventing and combatting intimate partner violence.
Muslim Marriages and Cultural Values
To begin with, providing some information about Muslim marriages and family
cultural values is crucial for comprehending this culture. Even though the term
Muslim marriage is used to describe the general characteristics of the community, this
term seems to minimize the differences between customs and tradition (Robinson,
2010). While marriage in Muslim culture may have some similarities with marriages
in other cultures, is also has obvious differences. Primarily, many Muslim people also

Bridge, Duman / Partner Violence in Muslim Marriages: Tips for Therapists in the US
59
desire to have a religious ceremony apart from the ofcial marriage to be counted as
married in their religion (Daneshpour, 1998, 2016). A Muslim marriage ceremony
takes place with a religious guide (Ayyub, 2000) and involves certain prayers. Many
times this religious ceremony will be held after a short period of time after the couple
has started dating, as opposed to the long engagements in USA culture. One of the
motives for Muslim couples to get married early is their desire to receive Allah’s
blessing before they become involved in a sexual relationship.
The most signicant differences in Muslim marriages appear in gender roles.
For example, according to Abugideiri (2010), many Muslim women might presume
that one of the ways to worship God is by being the best wife to their husbands.
On the other hand, many traditional Muslim men might desire to have control over
their family instead of sharing power (Ayyub, 2000). Also, many traditional Muslim
women can surmise that their husbands’ responsibility is to lead the family according
to Muslim guidelines (Abugideiri, 2010). They may be more willing to follow
their husbands’ rules. Many Muslim families usually adopt a patriarchal system;
therefore, traditional Muslim men might maintain authority over making decisions
(Ayyub, 2000). This authority can cause the Muslim women to think that asking
their husbands’ permission is mandatory when she wants to do something, such as
going out or meeting up with friends. Consequently, many married Muslim women
nd obeying their husbands to be appropriate when their husbands do not approve of
something, thus giving up something they desire.
Even if they live within USA culture, many Muslim women still might hold some
traditional beliefs about problems in marriage (Abugideiri, 2010). Some Muslim
women believe extremely that they are responsible for failures in the marriage;
therefore, they experience shame during marital conicts (Abugideiri, 2010).
Daneshpour (1998) stated that many Muslim families also see themselves as the root
of any problems. For instance, parents may consider a child’s behavioral problems to
be due to their lack of responsiveness to the child’s needs (Daneshpour, 1998).
In addition to seeing personal and marital problems as a failure, discussing them
with family or outsiders is another challenging topic for Muslim couples. Sharing
problems in their marriage and seeking support from others for marital problems can
bring shame to Muslim couples (Daneshpour, 1998). These women may also believe
that, if they talk about their private problems, the community might ostracize them
for sharing details of their marriage and for not respecting their husband (Abugideiri,
2010). One may predict that with this belief, intimate partner violence is able to remain
undiscovered for long periods of time. Aside from seeking support through resources,
Muslim women asking for help from their parents for their marital problems may also
be dishonorable (Abugideiri, 2010). Al-Krenawi and Graham (2005) mentioned the

SPIRITUAL PSYCHOLOGY AND COUNSELING
60
extended family’s power and inuence over the family. In some situations, extended
families can exacerbate existing problem by blaming the mother for her parenting
skills or criticizing her for not managing the marriage well. Especially in serious
marital problems, many women may be hesitant to go back to their parents’ house, or
her parents may not even accept her back home.
In terms of divorce, even though Islam views divorce as a very unpleasant and
bitter event, Muslim law allows a couple to divorce (Daneshpour, 1998). Unlike legal
divorce, the Muslim way of divorcing can only be done verbally (Isgandarova, 2018).
In talaq (repudiation, divorce), the husband has a right to dissolve the marriage by
simply announcing to his wife that he repudiates her. However, the main point is
usually how the Muslim families react to divorce. As previously stated, many Muslim
women might consider divorce as a failure, and they nd it shameful to go back to
their parents’ house. Also, the extended family may oppose their daughter’s divorce
and force her to remain married and be patient. Being divorced can be considered
especially reprehensible for women. Moreover, a custody battle may arise; child
custody can cause serious problems for the couple, especially when they attempt
to remarry. In addition, Muslim children with divorced parents who grow up with
only one parent and are removed from the other it can be challenging and considered
reprehensible. This might also cause the child/children to be ostracized in the
community (Abugideiri, 2010). As a consequence, many Muslim couples may desire
to begrudgingly stay married to keep the family together.
Partner Violence in Muslim Marriages
When the issue is of violence in the domestic setting, anyone in the Muslim family
can undeniably become the victim. Researchers have emphasized violence in Muslim
marriages to be unrelated to any race, ethnicity, or socio-economic level (Faizi, 2011);
the perpetrators and victims of violence can also come from any Islamic sect (Khan,
2006). The current literature has demonstrated partner violence in Muslim marriages
to appear as physical, sexual, or emotional violence (Faizi, 2011) and may also include
spiritual, verbal, and nancial abuse (Isgandarova, 2018). Khan (2006) reported the
research on Muslim families to have illustrated 47% of the Muslim community to have
suffered from some type of domestic violence, and 12% of the Muslim community in
the US to have experienced physical violence in the families. The literature has a lack
of studies, particularly on partner violence in Muslim marriages.
According to Ayyub’s (2000) study with South Asian Muslim families, those who
had experienced partner violence indicated the majority of cases to be about power
sharing and control. While fewer percentages of cases involved alcohol or substance
abuse, nearly 20% of clients said it involved another woman (Ayyub, 2000). Surveys

Bridge, Duman / Partner Violence in Muslim Marriages: Tips for Therapists in the US
61
have indicated women and children in Muslim communities to have experienced
tremendous risks of violence (Abugideiri, 2010). Isgandarova (2017) conducted a
study to explore domestic violence against pregnant women and interviewed seven
Azerbaijani Muslim women. That study revealed the baby’s gender to also play a
crucial role in violence against pregnant women. While many families prefer boys
over girls, discovering that a baby is female may lead to emotional and physical
violence. That study’s participants stated that putting emotional pressure on women
to have a boy and/or threatening them with divorce are common ways to emotionally
abuse pregnant women. Furthermore, some husbands might force women to have
an abortion if the baby’s gender is learned to be female, even though sex-selective
abortion in Islam is prohibited. The study demonstrated that, if a family is going
through nancial struggles, women are usually blamed for getting pregnant, which
will cause more nancial problems (Isgandarova, 2017).
Firstly, mention how the religion of Islam views violence in marriage is imperative.
Khan (2006) stated that Islam, like many other religions, aims to promote harmony
and peace everywhere, including in marriage. Islam emphasizes being patient and
practicing perseverance in overcoming challenges; however, this cannot be interpreted
as the religion silently enduring violence (Abugideiri, 2010). Lack of knowledge about
Islam usually leads to the idea that Islam tolerates violence towards the wife (Ibrahim
& Abdalla, 2011); however, Islam certainly does not promote domestic violence
(Khan, 2006), as violence in the marriage being unacceptable in Islam is very well-
known by most Muslims (Abugideiri, 2010). Furthermore, many Muslim women are
quite certain that God abhors oppression and injustice (Abugideiri, 2010). Ibrahim
and Abdalla (2011) stated the reason why partner violence is associated with Muslim
marriages to be an attribution to verse 4:34 in the Qur’an. While this verse simply
explains a husband’s responsibilities toward the wife, reading that specic verse out
of context has misled many to think that Islam allows partner violence. Even though
many Muslim women know the Qur’an does not legitimize violence towards spouses
(Ibrahim & Abdalla, 2011) and oppression and violence to be unacceptable, they can
experience moments of confusion and doubt in violent situations (Abugideiri, 2010).
Because being a good wife and being patient during challenges are promoted in the
religion, this belief can affect Muslim women’s behaviors toward violence. Isgandarova
(2017) stated that not seeking support and not reporting violence to the police is fairly
common among Muslim women. Due to their desire to keep the family together, many
Muslim women sacrice themselves and tolerate domestic violence. Noting that Muslim
people are not more resilient to domestic violence than other populations is imperative
(Abugideiri, 2010). However, many Muslim women remain in an abusive relationship
for a long time, and acknowledging the reasons is crucial. Recognizing women’s role
in keeping the family together in Muslim culture is imperative. Faizi (2011) reported

SPIRITUAL PSYCHOLOGY AND COUNSELING
62
the most common reasons for Muslim women staying in abusive relationships to be
nancial dependency, unwillingness to break the family apart, hope that the violence
will end, and/or social pressure, which is not at all different from the reasons for non-
Muslim women who stay in abusive relationships.
The literature has demonstrated that marital conicts can appear during acculturation
processes due to adjusting to the differences in new societies and the major changes in
daily, family, and social life (Al-Krenawi &Graham, 2005). Ammar, Couture-Carron,
Alvi, and San Antonio (2014) researched domestic violence with female Muslim
immigrants and compared their results to female non-Muslim immigrants, nding out
that 23% of female Muslim immigrants and 27% of female non-Muslim immigrants
stated still experiencing violence from an intimate partner and the main reasons for
them remaining in the relationship to be nancial reasons, lack of social support, fear
of the perpetrator, cultural and religious beliefs, and/or immigration-related issues
(Ammar et al. 2014). This study also indicated in its comparison of both Muslim and
non-Muslim immigrant women, nearly 35% of the Muslim women reported cultural
and religious beliefs and fear of the community’s negative reactions toward divorce
to be critical factors for their staying in the relationship (Ammar et al. 2014).
Not only are cultural and religious values crucial for understanding intimate partner
violence, but also the view of Muslim community toward partner violence. Firstly,
some Muslims can nd being violent or being faced with violence acceptable under
certain circumstances. Abugideiri (2010) stated that some Muslims might approve or
accept wife beating when it comes to disobedience, indelity, or insulting behavior
towards the husband because Islam sees the husband as the protector and maintainer
of his wife and gives him the responsibility of heading the family. This approach
encourages the wife to obey her husband. As stated before, if a Muslim woman does
not receive her husband’s approval before acting or does things which her husband
opposes, she can be considered disobedient and the Muslim community can view the
violence as acceptable. According to Abugideiri (2010), many Muslim women can
justify experiencing and accepting violence for having had an affair. Furthermore,
some Muslim men may increase the level of violence, even killing their wives as a
result of an affair (Abugideiri, 2010).
Furthermore, other risk factors are powerful in understanding intimate partner
violence in Muslim marriages. Isgandarova (2017) emphasized that one of the
reasons women become vulnerable to partner violence is early-age marriage. Similar
to the literature, poverty, alcohol, and substance abuse are also considered risk factors
that contribute to domestic violence (Isgandarova, 2017). Abugideiri (2010) stated
that many Muslim women who have been in abusive relationships realized during
the therapy sessions that their parents had been in a similar type of relationship and

Bridge, Duman / Partner Violence in Muslim Marriages: Tips for Therapists in the US
63
that their father had been abusive to their mother. This information demonstrates that
witnessing violence in one’s parents’ relationships can be considered a risk factor for
Muslim women in their tolerance of abuse and refusal to leave an abusive relationship
with their husband. Moreover, one can assume that witnessing familial violence can
be a risk factor for Muslim men’s violence in their marital relationship. For this
reason, intimate partner violence in Muslim families should be recognized as being
able to also resemble partner violence in other cultures and as being unexplainable
through strictly religious or cultural values.
Discussion and Conclusion
The prevalence of partner violence in Muslim marriages is not fully known due to the
limited studies. Moreover and as stated before, domestic violence in Muslim families is
usually concealed for several reasons (Khan, 2006). The most critical cause intriguing
the mental health eld is Muslim families’ hesitance in seeking help. While some
clients might nd talking about their private life acceptable, others might consider this
as a betrayal to the family. Sharing problems in their marriage and seeking support from
others for marital problems can also bring shame to Muslim couples (Daneshpour, 1998,
2016). In addition, Muslim women might be reluctant to go to therapy due to her belief
that a non-Muslim therapist will not understand her or that she will be underestimated
or judged. In therapy settings, a non- Muslim therapist can nd connecting with
Muslim clients, staying unbiased, fully understanding their experiences, and properly
recognizing violence in their relationships to be challenging. While two of the main
reasons are the lack of studies and therapists’ lack of knowledge about what Muslim
marriages are like, another reason might relate to the biases against Muslim people and
a negative reputation. For this reason, becoming a culturally competent therapist and
understanding the values of Muslim families can be benecial for many Muslim clients
in several areas, particularly in seeking help for partner violence.
In two case studies of Arab Muslim Palestinian couples, Al-Krenawi and Graham
(2005) emphasized the challenges of working with Muslim couples in therapy.
They reported that the couple usually prefers talking about difcult issues in their
individual sessions; the women may not mention violence until having an individual
session. Therefore, having individual sessions with both partners could be benecial
for therapists. Also in couple’s therapy, Muslim men may try to control the therapy
session and compete with the therapist to gain authority (Al-Krenawi & Graham,
2005). In this situation, until a therapeutic alliance occurs, understanding and
respecting Muslim men’s desire to be powerful may assist the therapist. Al-Krenawi
and Graham (2005) stated that, in some situations, the therapist’s gender might create
a conict for the Muslim couple. For instance, some Muslim women might believe a
male therapist will take her husband’s side and, for this reason, might prefer a female

SPIRITUAL PSYCHOLOGY AND COUNSELING
64
therapist. Additionally, Muslim women in couple’s therapy might stay more passive
and rely on the therapist to explain to their husbands their negative feelings, rather
than talk about them (Al-Krenawi & Graham, 2005).
Therapists need to stay present and neutral and hear the client’s story and perceptions
of their marriage in the therapy setting without judging. Religion is indispensable for
most Muslims in their daily life, and not respecting their values might cause them to
limit their interactions with others (Robinson, 2010). Because unfamiliar approaches
and suggestions are usually not internalized by clients, therapists should take into
consideration the importance of religion in the roles of marriage, divorce, and gender
for Muslim clients and should adopt an approach compatible with Muslim values
(Daneshpour, 1998, 2016) Al-Krenawi and Graham (2005) recommended having
therapists adopt a strengths-based approach and being more active in sessions. They
also stated therapists should explore support systems and the circumstances for
having immigrated; they should have a holistic view of the problems, including the
psychological, social, spiritual, and family dynamics (Al-Krenawi & Graham, 2005).
Therapists also should remember that violence in Muslim marriages can range
from emotional violence to physical violence (Ibrahim & Abdalla, 2011). In addition
to this, therapists should receive intensive training on evaluating intimate partner
violence in order to recognize the signs; they should provide support and referral
resources to victims (McPhail, Busch, Kulkarni, & Rice, 2007). The feminist
approach emphasizes the importance of empowerment and self-determination work
for female victims of partner violence (McPhail, Busch, Kulkarni, & Rice, 2007).
Fulu and Miedima (2016) stated that, in the USA, women with high status have
lower rates of violence. This knowledge illustrates that women with high status in the
community can be a protective factor for Muslim women. In addition to high status,
having less pressure towards divorce and having more balanced marriage roles can
also be considered protective factors in Muslim marriages (Fulu & Miedima, 2016).
For this reason, contributing to the positive image of women and their education
is fundamental in preventing and combatting partner violence. As previously cited,
Muslim women might be confused about their duties and responsibilities and may be
under the pressure of their roles. Isgandarova (2017) recommended that the Islamic
community can be used for advising women not to view tolerating violence as a
religious duty. Collaborating with Muslim community would also be compelling for
encouraging Muslim women to seek help and support in violent situations.
While almost all societies oppose partner violence, facing this might manifest
in different ways. According to Hajjar (2004), countries should be responsible for
protecting citizens from family violence, for providing resources to combat violence
in domestic settings, and for regulating laws. Khan (2006) stated that educating

Bridge, Duman / Partner Violence in Muslim Marriages: Tips for Therapists in the US
65
families about the effects of domestic violence and supporting training for religious
leaders to increase awareness of violence in Muslim families should be the most
important steps taken. Religious leaders can play an active role in preventing partner
violence by giving speeches against partner violence and training the Muslim
community (Cunradi, Caetano, & Schafer, 2002). Finally, preventing and combatting
partner violence requires interdisciplinary work.
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