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Chapter 10
PATIENCE AND HUMILITY –
KEEPING PERSPECTIVE WHILE YOU
WAIT
Cam Caldwell & Brian Long
Although enduring patiently without getting upset is often described as a
virtue, waiting for a hoped-for outcome can be a source of anxiety and frustration
in an “instant gratification” world1. Patience requires both perspective and
humility, especially when we are inclined to take action and seek an outcome that
is beyond our control to immediately achieve. Whether patience is required in
improving a personal relationship, in developing a desired capability, or in
pursuing an organizational goal, it can be challenging to manage our emotions and
stay productive and positive while waiting.
1
The purpose of this chapter is to explore the relationship between patience
and humility and to identify how humility’s virtues can make it easier to be patient
when we yearn for something that we deeply desire. The chapter begins by
defining the nature of patience as a personal quality, calling upon insights from a
variety of scholarly sources. We then review qualities of humility that have
practical application to patience, identifying eight paired commonalities between
patience and humility. The chapter then focuses on six ways that humility can
make it easier for individuals seeking an important outcome to maintain patience
living productive and positive lives. The chapter concludes with a challenge to
leaders seeking to apply humility in leading others.
Understanding Patience
Patience involves the exercise of restraint and the capacity to tolerate delay,
misfortune, or suffering without getting upset2. It has also been compared with
stoicism, or the ability to endure pain or hardship without complaint3. Patience
suggests the willingness to pay the required price to achieve a delayed or foregone
benefit in the hope of receiving a better outcome. In some cases, patience is
described in terms of the recognition that a project, outcome, or person is “a work
in progress.”
2
People with patience are perceived to be persistent, despite
disappointments4. They display the ability to wait, typically because they fully
recognize the costs of being impatient. Patience demonstrates the understanding
of context—an insight that is often achieved by being willing and able to
appreciate the vital importance of timing. Patience and humility are both quiet
virtues5 with no fewer than eight pairs of commonalities. In clarifying the nature
of patience, we identify these qualities while noting important distinctions and
differences between patience and humility.
Preparation and Insight
Both patience and humility begin with an individual’s preparation in the
anticipation of a desired possible outcome. Both incorporate knowledge about a
world of cause and effect in which there are expectations about a future state or
condition that could occur--but that is, nonetheless, uncertain. Associated with the
two virtues is the awareness that this future occurrence is positive and beneficial,
Nonetheless, there is a disconcerting possibility, as well, that the outcome desired
may not come about and, by not occurring, leave the waiting individual
disappointed. Uncertainty and the inability to control the future create the anguish
that can accompany both patience and humility6. That anguish contains elements
of fear that must be managed and that can cause worry, frustration, and
disappointment – sometimes leading to bad decisions and even ill health.
3
The quality of preparation, the availability of information, and the certainty
about the validity and accuracy of information can strengthen both patience and
humility. For patience, the ability to wait and, while waiting, to maintain hope
and inner peace can be substantially increased by the degree of confidence that
one has about what to expect. That confidence and accompanying patience are
affected by perceptions about the trustworthiness of others upon whom one is
dependent – often a result of personal experiences, past performance, and beliefs
about the other party’s integrity and ability. Similarly, for humility a person’s
preparation and insight are associated with one’s self-knowledge – often a
personal sense of one’s role and purpose in life -- and sometimes one’s faith in
God. If an individual possesses the Spiritual Intelligence to correctly understand
his or her relationship with God and the direction of God’s plan for him or her,
that person’s trust and faith make it easier to be buoyed up by inner tranquility and
to remain quietly humble while looking forward to a better future.
Perspective and Context
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Patience and humility are enhanced when available information includes a
perspective about the driving and restraining forces that impact a situation and
that frame its context. The likelihood of an event occurring, the probability that
an expected benefit will result, and the degree to which that benefit is considered
to be extremely important all are factors that make it easier to wait and to defer
that anticipated benefit7. Knowledge of past similar situations make patience
easier and serve as a basis for comparison.
For humility, how one views his or her situation and the context of a
situation are powerful factors that can influence the willingness to improve, the
commitment to treat others better, and to discipline one’s actions. Humility can
include one’s relationship with God or with the belief that one’s actions can affect
whether an outcome occurs – but humility can also acknowledge that a person
may not obtain a greatly desired outcome for reasons that are beyond one’s
current level of understanding. From a religious perspective, humility can
motivate an individual to express a strong desire for a specific outcome while also
acknowledging that God’s will is nonetheless most important.
Character and Self-Discipline
Humility and patience both require discipline and the ability to be in control
of one’s responses. Losing confidence in oneself or in one’s view of the world
can occur if a person desires a specific outcome so badly that (s)he loses the
ability to follow the best possible path to achieving that outcome. Humility’s
ability to know oneself well makes it easier to identify past self-defeating actions
that may inhibit the likelihood of achieving a valued result.
Having the integrity to follow correct principles and to avoid short-cutting
are qualities that demonstrate patience, wisdom, and self-discipline.
Unfortunately, it is sometimes simple to rationalize and to justify actions that can
inhibit the achievement of a sought-after result. Relating character and self-
discipline to humility, each individual knows the standards of behavior to which
(s)he is committed – whether in relationship to others, to self, or to God.
Honoring those standards and staying true to the person who one really is requires
the character to be one’s best and to refrain from compromising ideals.
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Trust and Faith
Trust within a secular context is the intimate cousin of faith in religion.8.
Both trust and faith include the relinquishing of one’s choice or power in the
expectant hope that another party will honor the duties of a psychological contract
that exists between the parties.9. Trust and faith are present when supporting
behaviors are accompanied by a clear belief, an expectant attitude, the intention to
wait with quiet confidence in being able to not only wait but to wait while keeping
an optimistic and positive outlook.
Patience enables the individual to appreciate the value of the expected
outcome and humility demonstrates that the person waiting believes that his or her
preferences are not always the determiner of what will happen and/or when a
desired result will actually occur. Both trust and faith are in play when one is
dependent upon another party’s actions. Both require an accurate understanding
of the relationship between the parties. Patience and humility are both most
effective and most healthy when an individual possesses clarity and trust in the
relationship with the significant other, and when that understanding is
accompanied by an accurate sense of self and a long-term view of what matters
most.
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Remembering and Focusing
Patience and humility require the ability to identify the importance of basic
principles that are the foundation of one’s world view. That capacity to keep in
mind that “big picture” empowers an individual to balance present discomforts
with the anticipation of a better future. Patience is required whenever one is
learning the fundamentals of a new skill or is rehabilitating from an injury. Being
able to keep in mind the desired outcome that will eventually result enables a
person to keep working to improve.
Similarly, a person with an understanding of correct principles and a sense
of personal identity can lean on that insight to endure a short-term
disappointment. Remembering the validity of the principles that make up one’s
fundamental beliefs and focusing on their practical significance during tough
times enable drawing upon inner reserves that make it possible to stay in balance
despite what often seem to be difficult hardships.
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Yielding and Surrendering
Patience and humility require the ability to surrender to circumstances and
to yield to realities that cannot be controlled. Humility makes it easier to
surrender one’s own expectations to a higher truth -- enabling a new paradigm to
be accepted and patience to be practiced more easily. Humility acknowledges a
realistic assessment of one’s self in the context of the bigger realities of life.
Surrendering demands tolerance for the disappointment, discouragement, and pain
that can accompany a lack of progress. Yielding and surrendering do not equate
with “giving up” but acknowledge that one must face conditions that are neither
desired nor pleasant.
Patience recognizes that the realities of the status quo are exactly what they
are – yet patience demonstrates the ability to put up with reality’s discomforts.
Humility views undesirable conditions as a part of life and recognizes that few are
exempt. The capacity to surrender to the conditions that one must face can cause
tears and even heartbreak; nevertheless, the patience to be able to hang on and the
humility to understand that others have succeeded despite similar adversities can
make the pain bearable. Humility and patience require both passion to achieve a
desired outcome and the perseverance that motivates a person to hang on, keep
working for success, and make productive use of time while waiting10.
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Accepting and Valuing
When wisdom and faith combine to inform patience and humility, it is
possible to not only accept disappointing outcomes and painful circumstances but
to actually be grateful for those “teaching moments.” Difficult circumstances test
one’s character and reveal weaknesses that are not discernible in good times. The
humility to acknowledge that one has more work to do to become the person that
one truly wants to be can be reinforced by recognizing that one has responded
poorly to an unanticipated circumstance. Patience in valuing such conditions and
in enduring without complaint is a true test of one’s integrity and demonstrates the
capacity to learn from life, to look for truths taught by painful realities, and to use
those lessons to continue to grow11.
Although painful testing and learning experiences and disappointments can
hurt, they can teach as well. The ability to ask, “What am I supposed to be
learning from this experience?” can be a powerful source of personal insight12. In
retrospect, humility often recognizes, “I hated going through that experience, but I
am ultimately grateful for what I learned about myself from it.”
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Learning and Adapting
Both patience and humility acknowledge that the learning process is not
over – and both demonstrate the ability to embrace what needs to be learned.
Humility is generative13 and an accurate assessment of things one has to learn,
ways to improve, and postures itself in openness, with a willingness to grow and
improve. Humility asks questions readily and seeks feedback back consistently.
Humility values others by doing more listening, rather than talking. Humility
easily looks for opportunities to lift others and champion their efforts. Growth
occurs from patience and humility when they are accompanied by adapting to
life’s conditions that are often unpleasant.
Stephen R. Covey described such opportunities as lessons of life learned in
the gap between stimulus and response14. The capacity to endure whatever reality
exists requires personal resilience and courage. When we are patient, we
recognize that we must adapt and grow to become what we ultimately want to be.
The ability to patiently acknowledge that we need to be better is also a precious
quality of humility.
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Matching the willingness to constantly improve with principle-based
actions enables a person to change who (s)he is and to become what is ultimately
possible15. Humility welcomes that opportunity and patience in the struggle to
incorporate the necessary changes in how one thinks, responds, and acts makes
true growth possible. It is by embracing what we discover that we need to learn
that we are able to grow from the experiences and disappointments that are a
natural part of life.
We note that for each of these eight commonalities the dominating
characteristic for each of them is how these factors are translated into actions and
behaviors. According to the Theory of Reasoned Action, our individual behaviors
are a product of cognitive beliefs, accompanying affective attitudes, and the
conative intention to act16 – as indicated in Figure 1 below.
Figure 1: Elements of the Theory of Reasoned Action
Our cognitive beliefs about each of the eight pairs of common qualities are
matched by emotional feelings or affective attitudes which combine to form our
intentions associated with patient or humble behaviors for each quality. The
degree to which we actually act with regard to each of the eight specific qualities
reflects how strongly we believe and feel about the underlying insights that we
have17. For example, our degree of faith about who we are and our relationship to
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God involves both our conceptual understanding of divine concepts and our
strength of emotional commitment to honoring God and our spiritual identity.
In every case, patience and humility acknowledge that it is impossible to
control factors outside of our sphere of influence, and that our only choice is to
control our own actions and response. Those responses sometimes are limited to
our ability to choose how we think or feel. Those cognitive and affective
elements affect our intentions to act in obedience to principles that we understand
to be true and our character and integrity allows us to translate those intentions
into the behaviors, feelings, and thought that demonstrate that faith.
Acquiring patience and humility is a lifelong learning endeavor that
demands wise choices. Richard G. Scott remined us that “(w)e become what we
want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day18.” As
guidelines for personal action, they provide a foundation of wisdom that enables
individuals to maintain balance amidst the turmoil of life. Consistent with the
perspective of patience and humility as behaviors, those seeking to live and love
like Jesus are invited to, “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,
gentleness and patience19” by their actions rather than simply by their words.
12
Practicing humility-empowered patience is a choice one can make on a
daily basis. Humility and patience must be decided upon one day at a time until
they become habits and a paradigm for life. Such patience and humility involve
choices to shed prideful attitudes and actions by choosing behaviors that are
expressions of humility.
Humility and Maintaining Patience
Acquiring humility can make it easier to develop a patient life perspective
and can be a powerful resource for maintaining balance and peace of mind.
Humility’s ability to keep life in perspective, to correctly assess one’s strengths,
and to have a clear and accurate self-perspective enables individuals to recognize
that life’s challenges must be understood, learned from, and overcome20. When
leaders demonstrate humility, they strengthen their personal credibility within an
organization and inspire others to be more effective as well21.
The following are six ways that humility can contribute to the development
of patience, to keeping a balanced perspective, and to enjoying a more productive
and positive life22.
1. Separate Events from Patterns. Distinguishing between a
recurring problem or pattern and an unusual situation creates a
clearer understanding of what has happened and what needs to be
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addressed. Learning from what has happened requires
understanding symptoms and their causes. Determining what has
led to a disappointment or poor result and what could have been
done instead provides insights and also enables an individual to
understand his or her role in the causation of a problem or
situation that exists. Once a recurring pattern has been identified,
it is possible to make the changes required to take a different path
to avoid its future recurrence.
2. Manage Expectations. Managing expectations requires
accurately differentiating between overly optimistic hopes and
likely probabilities – particularly for the short term. Identifying
how and why false expectations occurred and what could have
been done to have generated a better outcome makes it easier to
anticipate future opportunities. Differentiating between errors in
judgment based upon poor logic or incorrect assumptions and
those that were due to wishful thinking or emotions can be
important in being able to prevent repeating the same pattern of
making inaccurate projections. Readjusting the assessment of
what is possible and recalibrating expectations for the immediate
future can avoid further discouragement and prediction errors.
3. Incorporate Forgiveness. Dwelling on the negative, holding
grudges, attacking others, and complaining are just not beneficial
to a situation and do not allow for the creation of better
opportunities. Fixing the problems that can be fixed rather than
fixing the blame is a more productive focus. Forgiving others and
forgiving yourself make it easier to eliminate the negativity that
makes being patient and positive decision-making more likely.
Letting go of self-justification and the condemning of self or
others can free you emotionally to be able to identify solutions to
the status quo that can make your situation less uncomfortable.
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4. Be Grateful. Appreciating the positives and being thankful for
them can refocus energy and attitudes. Acknowledging that
worse things could have happened and being grateful that they did
not occur provide a healthier perspective. One of the great
qualities of true humility is that it is based upon accurate self-
knowledge. That recognition of one’s positive strengths helps to
put life into proper balance and gives a more positive insight into
short-term problems. Being wise enough to identify opportunities
to make changes and beginning the process of turning things
around helps to reframe the focus of a situation.
5. Focus Forward. Identifying opportunities that are available to
make improvements in the status quo creates positive energy.
Gather resources and create partnerships, whenever possible.
Look past the current situation and acknowledge that
opportunities for success continue to be possible. Look forward,
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not backward. Very little can be accomplished by dwelling on
disappointments. Pushing forward and identifying what needs to
improve helps to keep an individual or team on track with the
steps that need to be taken to make improvements.
6. Stay Productive. Despite the realities of disappointment and
adversity, responding with humility enables individuals to
continue to learn and to engage productively in opportunities to
prepare for a better future. Delays, trials, and failures will happen
in everyone’s life. Looking for productive options and using time
and other resources to keep learning and to be as productive as
possible makes it much easier to maintain a positive outlook and
endure the requirement to wait patiently.
Each of these six action steps can enable wise individuals to become more
patient, to demonstrate greater vision and perspective, and to develop the humility
to learn from the experiences of life.
The Challenge
There is no easy path to developing great character or to acquiring integrity.
Life’s lessons often require that we develop the strength to endure, to be patient,
and to maintain a health perspective even when doing so can be difficult.
Enlightened leaders understand that they and those whom they serve face
daunting challenges on a regular basis. And the challenges of life must be faced
and overcome. By having a correct understanding of ourselves, by constantly
seeking to grow, and by working cooperatively in partnership with others whose
talents balance our weaknesses, we can develop greater humility and earn the trust
of others23.
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The challenge for leaders is to recognize the value of patience and humility
and to develop those virtues – and to be able to call upon those qualities when
times become difficult. Overcoming adversity and managing the difficult trials of
life are the requirements of great leadership and have been recognized as such for
millennia. As each of us reflects upon the importance of humility and patience in
our lives, we can benefit by studying the lives of great leaders and examples who
have shown the way by their courage amidst times of trial and remember the
character and wisdom that they demonstrated when life’s burdens seemed bleak
and threatening24.
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1 This observation summarizes the insights of the University of Michigan’s David Ulrich in Ulrich, D. (2017). “Patience in
Turbulent Times: Top Tips for Leaders to Develop Patience.” Leadership Excellence Essentials, Vol. 34, Iss. 2, pp. 6-7.
2 Schnitker, S. A. & Emmons, R. A. (2007). “Patience as a Virtue: Religious and Psychological Perspectives” in Research in the
Social Scientific Study of Religion. Brill Online Books and Journals, Vol. 18, pp. 177-208.
3 Ulrich, D. (2017), op. cit.
4 Ibid. All of these insights are included in Ulrich’s review of patience.
5 Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2007). Humility: The Quiet Virtue. Philadelphia, PA: Templeton Foundation Press.
6 The uncertain of humility and its close association with patient waiting is described in Elliott, J. C. (2010). Humility: Development
and Analysis of a Scale. Knoxville, TN: University of Tennessee-Knoxville.
7 These three criteria are fundamental elements of expectancy theory and are explained in Vroom, V. (1994). Work and Motivation.
San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
8 This point is often made. See, for example, Caldwell, C., and Holloway, C. S. (2017). “Trust, Faith, and Commitment – A
Reasoned Action Approach.” Business and Management Research, Vol. 6, No. 3, pp. 51-57, Caldwell, C., Guevarra, L., Licona, B.,
Tayor, T., and McConkie, M., (2013). “Trust, Faith, and Fear: Moral Development Applications for Leaders and for Life.” Journal of
Advanced Management and Business Research, Vol. 1, Iss. 1, pp. 1-15, and Caldwell, C., Davis, B., and Devine, J. A. (2009). “Trust,
Faith, and Betrayal: Insights from Management for the Wise Believer.” Journal of Business Ethics, Vol. 89, Iss. 1, pp. 103-114.
9 Ibid.
10 This combination of qualities has been found to be even more important than talent in achieving success. See Duckworth, A.
(2016). GRIT: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. New York: Scribner.
11 Von Hildebrand, D. (1997). Humility: Wellspring of Virtue. Manchester, NH: Sophia Institute Press.
12 This insight comes from Scott, R. G. (2003). “The Sustaining Power of Faith in Times of Uncertainty and Testing” found online
on May 5, 2018 at https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2003/04/the-sustaining-power-of-faith-in-times-of-uncertainty-and-
testing?lang=ase.
13 See Dickson, J. (2011). Humilitas: A Lost Key to Life, Love, and Leadership. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
14 Covey makes this point many times in his wise counsel about learning from life. See, for example, Covey, S. R. (2004). The 8th
Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness. New York: Free Press.
15 Ibid.
16 See Fishbein, M. & Ajzen, I. (2015). Predicting and Changing Behavior: The Reasoned Action Approach. New York: Psychology
Press.
17 Ibid.
18 Scott, R. G. (2003), op. cit.
19 Colossians 3:12.
20 Rego, A., Owens, B., Leal, S., Melo, A. I. Cunha, M. P. Goncalves, L., & Ribeiro, P. (2017). “How Leader Humility Helps Teams
to be Humbler, Psychologically Stronger, and More Effective: A Moderated Mediation Model. Leadership Quarterly, Vol. 28, Iss. 5,
pp. 639-658.
21 Ibid.
22 Several of these insights come from the wonderful article Ulrich, D. (2017), op. cit.
23 Rego, A., Owens, B., Leal, S., Melo, A. I. Cunha, M. P. Goncalves, L., & Ribeiro, P. (2017), op. cit.
24 See, for example, the stories of great Americans who demonstrated humility and courage in Bobb, D. J. (2013), Humility: An
Unlikely Biography of America’s Greatest Virtue. Nashville, TN: Nelson Books.