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© 2000 Douglas N. Honorof, Jill McCullough & Barbara Somerville. All rights reserved.
Comma Gets A Cure
COPYRIGHT & CITATION: Comma Gets a Cure and derivative works may be used freely for any purpose
without special permission provided the present sentence and the following copyright notification accompany the
passage in print, if reproduced in print, and in audio format in the case of a sound recording: Copyright (©) 2000
Douglas N. Honorof, Jill McCullough & Barbara Somerville. All rights reserved.
Well, here's a story for you: Sarah Perry was a veterinary nurse who had been working daily at
an old zoo in a deserted district of the territory, so she was very happy to start a new job at a
superb private practice in North Square near the Duke Street Tower. That area was much
nearer for her and more to her liking. Even so, on her first morning, she felt stressed. She ate a
bowl of porridge, checked herself in the mirror and washed her face in a hurry. Then she put on
a plain yellow dress and a fleece jacket, picked up her kit and headed for work.
When she got there, there was a woman with a goose waiting for her. The woman gave Sarah
an official letter from the vet. The letter implied that the animal could be suffering from a rare
form of foot and mouth disease, which was surprising, because normally you would only expect
to see it in a dog or a goat. Sarah was sentimental, so this made her feel sorry for the beautiful
bird.
Before long, that itchy goose began to strut around the office like a lunatic, which made an
unsanitary mess. The goose's owner, Mary Harrison, kept calling, "Comma, Comma," which
Sarah thought was an odd choice for a name. Comma was strong and huge, so it would take
some force to trap her, but Sarah had a different idea. First she tried gently stroking the
goose's lower back with her palm, then singing a tune to her. Finally, she administered ether.
Her efforts were not futile. In no time, the goose began to tire, so Sarah was able to hold onto
Comma and give her a relaxing bath.
Once Sarah had managed to bathe the goose, she wiped her off with a cloth and laid her on her
right side. Then Sarah confirmed the vet's diagnosis. Almost immediately, she remembered an
effective treatment that required her to measure out a lot of medicine. Sarah warned that this
course of treatment might be expensive-either five or six times the cost of penicillin. I can't
imagine paying so much, but Mrs. Harrison-a millionaire lawyer-thought it was a fair price for
a cure.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: We thank the following for helpful comments on an early draft: Alice Faber of
Haskins Laboratories, Paul Meier of the University of Kansas, Rudy Troike of the University of Arizona, Ginny
Kopf of the University of Central Florida and Enid Parsons, Pronunciation Editor for the Random House
Dictionaries. All shortcomings remain the sole responsibility of the editor and authors. More information about a
number of the keywords used here (comma, cure, nurse, happy, start, north, square, near, face, dress, fleece, kit,
goose, letter, foot, mouth, goat, strut, choice, force, trap, palm, bath, cloth, lot, price) may be found in J. C. Wells
(1982) Accents of English, Vol. 1., Cambridge University Press. The editor acknowledges support from NIH Grant
DC-03782 to Haskins Laboratories during the preparation of the present technical report. Comments to: Douglas
N. Honorof (dialectdoug@gmail.com).