“In my head it feels a little bit more derogatory”: Women’s experiences and expectations of MMF threesomes

Abstract

Using Mimi Schippers’ “threesome imaginary” as a framework, this research utilises semi-structured qualitative interviews to investigate female perspectives of male-male-female (MMF) threesomes. Schippers suggests that MMF threesomes are often seen as a less appealing option, and receive more stigma when compared with female-female-male (FFM) threesomes. Drawing from interviews with women who at some point have engaged in a multi-sex threesome, I investigated attitudes towards, or experiences of MMF threesomes. I found that whilst many women (and some men) did view the MMF as: intimidating; degrading; dangerous; and technically challenging, this was underpinned by the assumption that men never interact sexually together in a MMF threesome. When questioned further, many women suggested that they found the thought of male-male sexual interaction arousing, and this prospect made the idea of engaging in a MMF threesome less intimidating, and much more appealing. Those with experiences of MMF threesomes suggested that those instances where men interacted together sexually were the most satisfying. Thus, whilst this research does support Schippers’ assertions that the MMF is more stigmatised, this stigma may not be absolute, especially when women view themselves as in equal partner within a three, rather than a sexual object to be enjoyed by men.

Full text

“In my head it feels a little bit
more derogatory”
Women’s experiences and
expectations of MMF threesomes
Ryan Scoats
@RScoats

Context
•Karlen (1988) Threesomes: Studies in sex,
power, and intimacy
•Schippers (2016)
– The Threesome Imaginary
•Collective cultural expectations around threesomes
•MMF is stigmatised
•FFM is acceptable (sometimes)

Design
•Part of a larger study
•12 Men & 16 Women who had ever
engaged in a multi-sex threesome
•Snowball sampling
•Semi-structured interviews

Results from female sample

Women who want MMF
•‘Oh fuck yeah. Dude I've been trying to get that to
happen for like years!’
•‘I would like to try with two guys. I think because I
find men more attractive, and although I liked it
with a woman, I find for me, cunnilingus is not that
big of a turn on’

Intimidation
•‘there would just be too much testosterone,
and I'm a strong woman but I couldn't
defend myself with two men’
•‘that's being used and abused and I'm not
up for that’

Intimidation
•‘I thought about it, and I think I would have been
intimidated to be honest. Lots of penises to
manage at the same time…I don't think in my
mind I would feel as aroused, because it's nice to
be desired by two men, but the technical aspects,
being penetrated by two men at the same time,
that would be a little bit too much for me; more
hard-core than sensual’

Understanding through porn
•‘My only, obviously knowledge of men, like two
males, one female threesomes is from porn, and
it always just seems absolutely brutal. The
woman just seems to be absolutely violated, and
obviously porn isn't a true representation of sex
but it's never something that I've watched and I
thought that's really appealing to me. It just looks
like, really uncomfortable’

Understanding through porn
•‘I associate that more with porn, and feeling like
an object that two men are sharing… You feel like
you're probably the thing that they're sharing. I
don't know, it's weird, because it could be
completely different. I guess it could be really
satisfying and open, but that's the first idea that
popped into my head’

Assumptions made about men
•Negative views of MMF threesomes related
to assumption the men won’t be sexually
interacting together
•If men do interact:
–Seen as less intimidating
–A more enjoyable experience
–Sexually arousing

MMF with men interacting is
desirable
•‘if you're going to have a threesome, then it
should be about all three of you…I would
feel less apprehensive if [the men] were
going to enjoy each other as well’

MMF with men interacting is
desirable
•‘I think in my head when I think of a guy
who only wants to have sex with a woman
then I think of a guy who’s a bit
homophobic possibly. I know I’m making
assumptions, but I wouldn't feel as
comfortable or connected with someone
like that, and that's important for me’

MMF with men interacting is
desirable
•‘If there is no homo, there is no trio. I find it really
annoying if they are reluctant to touch each other.
I mean they like it when I make out with someone,
and I like it when they make out with someone’
•‘I do find the guy on guy action quite hot, so it’s
an element I like’

Conclusions
•Women with an openness to threesomes are
more wary of MMF threesomes (but there is still
interest in them)
•Negative assumptions around the men in a
threesome (somewhat based on pornography)
•The most desirable context for many is where the
men sexually interact together

Thank you for listening
Contact:
ryanscoatsphd@gmail.com