The American diagnosis manual Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, version four,-DSM-(APA-95) operates with nine criteria in relation to borderline personality disorders. BPD is diagnosed when at least five of these criteria are confirmed through psychological/psychiatric tests and examination by a competent person. The nine criteria are as follows: 1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment 2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation 3. identity disturbance: unstable self-identity 4. potentially self-damaging impulsivity 5. recurrent suicidal behaviour 6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense dysphoria, irritability) 7. chronic feelings of emptiness 8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger) 9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms DSM presupposes theoretical indifference regarding criteria relevance. This means that the system does not operate with a hierarchy of symptoms in which certain symptoms are more important than others in relation to the correct diagnosis. The only thing that one should make sure is that five out of nine specific criteria are met before diagnosing a borderline personality disorder. This might be seen, in any case clinically, as a weakness of the system since it does not give the clinician any instruction about which criteria or symptoms he should pay more attention to. ICD (International Classification of Diseases, now version 10), the category system which has been adopted by WHO, has to a great extend been harmonised with DSM. However it has historically a somewhat different theoretical base that allows a certain selection of symptoms. This implies that in the ICD-system some criteria must be included in order to reach a certain diagnosis. Furthermore ICD divides "Emotional unstable (Borderline) personality disorder" into an "impulsive type" that is primarily characterised by emotional instability and lack of impulse control, and a "Borderline type" that in addition includes the remaining criteria according to DSM IV. The disorder of the character that we call borderline or unstable personality disorder is characterized primarily by a relational incapacity. This includes continuous emotional instability; impulsiveness, inadequate-possibly excessive-aggression and irritation together with diffusion of identity united with a wavering or even rudimentarily established self-image. Marziali and Blum (-90) consider, referring to Clarkin and Hurt (-88), that "borderline disorder is best defined by three criteria: 1) unstable relationship, 2) affect instability, and 3) impulsive behaviour". This is in agreement with what others report as the dysfunctional central domain (for instance Westen-91). Clarkin and Hurt 2 (-88) consider the first 6 criteria of the DSM-system as expressions of interpersonally characterized disorders. In the research about the pathogenesis and aetiology of BPD a traditional dividing line exists between those who maintain that the cause primarily consists of an unsolved central conflict in the development phase Margaret Mahler (-84) calls the rapprochement phase (Kernberg-75, Masterson and Rinsley-75) and between those who think that the borderline person in childhood and youth has experienced an uninterrupted deficit of an environment that could have supported the development of healthy qualities of the mind, for instance stable identity of the ego (Gunderson-84). The deficit theoreticians consider these repeating traumas during a long period of time in childhood and youth as the fundamental cause. As a consequence Gunderson lays greater stress upon the interpersonal factors in the pathogenesis than for instance Kernberg does (Valliant-77, Buie and Adler-82, Gunderson-84, Segal-90). In any case representatives of the different points of view share the acknowledgement that interpersonal disorders are a key element in characterizing the borderline disorder. Possibly Kernberg is quite right in stating that something went wrong in the individuation/separation phase. Yet intuitively it seems more plausible to assume that it is not only separate events during a certain sensitive period in childhood that mainly determine later development (even though these events naturally can have a profound influence on the person's later development), but more likely the total relation pattern (upbringing and model behaviour included) that the parents show during a long period in the development of the child, which primarily forms the personality of the child (Buie and Adler-82, Gunderson-84). Zanarini and Frankenburg summarise it all with the hypothesis that borderline pathology develops "in response to serious, chronic maladaptive behaviours on the part of immature and emotionally incompetent, but not necessarily deliberately malevolent caregivers" (p. 26, Zanarini and Frankenburg-97). This is quite consistent with my own experience with persons that have a borderline disorder or structure. Conclusively it must be mentioned that the literature generally speaking is short of epidemiological data. Gunderson and Zanarini (-87) estimate the occurrence between 2 and 4%. In an outpatient setting Kass and others (-85) and Widiger and Frances (-89) calculate the prevalence to be approximately 11%. Another source (Widiger and Weissman-91) calculates that up to 2% of the normal population as a whole is to be considered as suffering from a borderline disorder, 15% of a mixed psychiatric population, and that half of all the personality disorders are either borderline cases or a comorbid type. Note that these studies do not operate with Kernberg's hypothesis about a borderline personality structure (Kernberg-75) and the epidemiological derivative of this theoretical conception which estimates that up to about 15-20% (Gunderson-84) of a normal population can show this type of personality structure. Widiger and Weissman (-91) estimate that ca 76% of people with a borderline disorder are women. This overrepresentation of women can be considered as being relatively well verified in the international literature. There are few things one can be more certain about in the case of borderline than the fact that it is a female, more than a male, phenomenon. Swartz and others (-90) accordingly state, supported by a comprehensive study of the literature for the purpose of reaching valid prevalence estimates of borderline, that "the only consistent demographic feature associated with borderline 3 personality disorder appears to be female predominance"(p. 258). This is why, for reasons of simplicity, we will in the following indicate the person with the borderline disorder as "she" and the partner as "he". 1 SOME RESEARCH ON COUPLE-RELATIONS Below I will briefly refer to some studies, which try to find out what it is that distinguishes a close personal relationship between two people. This will offer a background for the following discussion that will focus on trends in the borderline pathology, which cause relational problems. In this connection it should be mentioned that the research program we refer to is founded on studies of normal populations-and the results are naturally characterized by that fact. This gives the advantage that the result can form a background or contrast to the relations that will be described below which are characterised by more psychopathological deviations. It is difficult to determine what the definition of a couple, which I concisely reproduced in the introduction, should contain more specifically. Research from different disciplines-social psychology, micro sociology, communication theory, social anthropology and psychotherapy, just to mention some relevant fields-has a tendency to reach somewhat different results. Often one finds, reading the literature on the subject, that studies use the hypothesis, or have proven, that there exist certain essentials, which can be considered as absolutely fundamental to what the research on "personal relationship" (La Folette-96) calls "romantic relationship" (as opposed to friendship, comradeship and more "distant" forms of "personal relationship"). An example of such an essential is found in Sidney Jourard's work. He describes the fact that happy marriages are always characterized by partners who are self-revealing ("self-disclosure") in relation to each other. This implies being transparent to each other, appearing as the persons they really are-the real self-, being able, and being allowed, to do so. One allows oneself to be translucent and has access to look into the other person's psyche (Jourard-71). Now and then discoveries of such basic "facts" are cited in support of building therapy systems, which have their rationale in these facts. For instance Jourards research has become the foundation of a more general approach for a kind of couple therapy that has been described as successful. The results are documented in the journal Family Process (Warning-90). Another example is the finding of Hendrick, Hendrick and Adlers (-88), based on an earlier study of six different "love styles" (Hendrick & Hendrick-86), that the aspect of love or "love style" they call "Eros" (the passionate, erotic and intensively experienced emotional love) is the one which in both men and women has the highest correlation to satisfaction in couple relationships. 2 1 This implies in consequence that it is the man in some relationships who will have borderline traits. It will also be possible that both partners will have these traits, and-this must be underlined-that bps also will occur in situations where the persons have the same sex. (About bps and homosexuality, see among others Zubenko-87, Dulit-93). 2 The words ludus, storge, pragma, mania and agape indicate the other styles. 4 Often the essentiality of (the good) relation is comprehended by looking at the factors that determine basic conflicts or the field of relation problems. This kind of reaching a definition by a negative approach is especially justified in a situation where the scientific material has an empirical character to a high degree. This is the case with research based on cognitive psychology, which has been done by Howard Markman, Scott Stanley and others for a number of years (Markman and others-88, Markman and others-93). In his self-help book Fighting for your marriage (Markman and others-94)-which by the way forms the theoretical background for those who have taken the training for course leader in the life-together program PREP-four areas or conflict models are reported as fundamentally injurious for good couple relationships:-escalation owing to negative responses,-disqualifying the thoughts, feelings and acts of the partner,-an avoiding or withdrawing style of coping with conflicts,-tendencies towards interpreting the other one's statements and actions negatively. Hinde 1981 (referred to in Duck-88) figures out that close personal relationships of the affective kind are determined by a collection of factors that change, but are still present as phenomena during the development of a relation. Below we will refer to these factors and some examples of questions that can be raised against the background of the factors presented.