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The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth: An Israeli Case Study

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Abstract

The study examines internet newsgroups as a potential mitigating tool in the complex coming-out process of gay male youth. Employing a qualitative discourse analysis of the newsgroup’s messages, the chapter focuses on an Israeli newsgroup that appeals to GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) youth and operates within the most popular UGC (user-generated content) portal in Israel. The findings indicate that the researched newsgroup functions as a social arena that offers its participants an embracing milieu, where for the first time in their lives they are free of moral judgment of their sexuality. Through four distinct yet interrelated ways, the newsgroup helps its participants to cope with one of the most significant milestones in a gay person’s life – the coming-out process: (1) refuting prevalent stereotypes of homosexuality; (2) facilitating the acceptance of one’s sexual orientation; (3) prompting its disclosure; and (4) creating social relations within and outside the virtual environment.
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DOI: 10.4018/978-1-60960-209-3.ch013
Chapter 13
The Role of Internet
Newsgroups in the Coming-
Out Process of Gay Male Youth:
An Israeli Case Study1
Avi Marciano
University of Haifa, Israel
INTRODUCTION
The 1960’s and 1970’s were charged with sig-
nificance for the lesbigay struggle. Two decades
after the publication of Alfred Kinsey’s startling
findings (Kinsey, [1948] 1998) regarding the
prevalence of homosexuality, three pivotal events
occurred: The Stonewall riots in 1969,1 the removal
of homosexuality from the DSM (The American
Psychiatric Association’s Manual of Mental Dis-
orders) in 1973, and the publication of Foucault’s
([1976] 1978) renowned book “The History of
Sexuality: The Will to Knowledge” three years
later. In tandem with these events scholars aban-
doned the pathological focus in favor of social and
cultural explanations. Consequently, a rich body
of research that examined the interrelationship
between media and homosexuality took shape.
Alongside these processes, from the 1970’s
onward the Israeli GLBT community achieved
ABSTRACT
The study examines internet newsgroups as a potential mitigating tool in the complex coming-out process
of gay male youth. Employing a qualitative discourse analysis of the newsgroup’s messages, the chapter
focuses on an Israeli newsgroup that appeals to GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) youth and
operates within the most popular UGC (user-generated content) portal in Israel. The ndings indicate
that the researched newsgroup functions as a social arena that offers its participants an embracing
milieu, where for the rst time in their lives they are free of moral judgment of their sexuality. Through
four distinct yet interrelated ways, the newsgroup helps its participants to cope with one of the most
signicant milestones in a gay person’s life – the coming-out process: (1) refuting prevalent stereotypes
of homosexuality; (2) facilitating the acceptance of one’s sexual orientation; (3) prompting its disclosure;
and (4) creating social relations within and outside the virtual environment.
This chapter appears in Youth Culture and Net Culture: Online Social Practices edited by Elza Dunkels,
Gun-Marie Frånberg & Camilla Hällgren. Copyright 2011, IGI Global, www.igi-global.com. Posted by
permission of the publisher.
223
The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
impressive developments in societal, cultural and
legal spheres, with the founding of the Society for
the Protection of Personal Rights (SPPR). Among
the societal achievements were the nationwide
deployment of the society’s branches, the forma-
tion of various community-based organizations,
and the increasing popularity of the Gay Pride
Parade (Kama, 2005; Moriel, 2000). In addition,
the community experienced a cultural upsurge,
reflected in publication of several GLBT journals,
the emergence of queer movies, and a significant
improvement in media attitudes toward homo-
sexuality (Kama, 2005; Padva, 2005). In the
legal-judicial field too, numerous achievements
constituted a “gay legal revolution”, as Harel
(2000) put it. 2
Starting in the 1990’s, the unique characteris-
tics of the internet attracted substantial attention
in media research. However, in spite of the grow-
ing body of research that focuses on the internet
and homosexuality, there is a notable absence of
research assessing the internet’s role in the lives
of gay youth and more particularly its role in the
coming-out process, entitled a “rite of passage”
(Bridgewater, 1997) due to its importance for the
gay individual. Research linking the internet and
gays tends to focus on random sexual relation-
ships, Aids, and other elements (Grov et al., 2007)
that formerly played a central role in reducing
the homosexual individual (who later became a
“gay”) to his sexuality.
This investigation seeks to contribute another
layer to “the science of oppression”, a term coined
by Monique Wittig ([1981] 1993) in relation to
feminist and lesbian insights based on personal
oppressed experience, in order to shed fresh and
critical light on the homophobic reality. Many
gay male youth undergo an onerous life experi-
ence as a result of continuing homophobia. The
innovative nature of the internet, historically a
new medium, opens up new possibilities. Exam-
ining the interaction between these possibilities
and the peculiar life experience of gay youth is,
therefore, of primary importance. This chapter
examines newsgroups as a potential mitigating tool
in the complex coming-out process, by tracking
the impact of gay youth’s participation in those
newsgroups, the quality of this impact, and the
ways it’s achieved. However, the chapter focuses
on a specific newsgroup, and therefore there is
no intention of generalization. This research is
placed in a broader context in which the internet
is examined as an empowering tool for various
marginalized minority groups.
BACKROUND
Coming-Out of the Closet
during Adolescence: Meanings
and Implications
The coming-out process consists of three chief
stages during which the individual recognizes
his sexual orientation, adopts an appropriate
identity, and discloses it to others. This process, as
depicted by informants, is a linear progression of
self discovery whereby the heterosexual identity
enforced and artificial – is gradually replaced by
a substantive and genuine gay one (Rust, 2003).
During the 1970’s and 1980’s several models
depicting the gay identity formation were intro-
duced (Cass, 1979; Coleman, 1982; McDonald,
1982). By and large, these models are composed
of gradational stages through which the indi-
vidual faces dilemmas and obstacles, while the
last stage is the desired one. Although each model
underscores different facets, all of them indicate
an initial stage in which the individual identifies
himself as heterosexual and sequential stages
in which he acknowledges his uniqueness, tries
to explain it, strives toward contact with peers,
and finally accepts his new identity. While early
awareness of homosexual attraction may begin as
early as the age of nine (Herdt & Boxer, 1993),
acknowledging the orientation and exposing it
occur at 15 and 17 respectively. These ages are
under a steady decline (Grove et al., 2006).
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The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
Coming-out during adolescence is even more
complex. As a formative and sensitive period,
adolescence poses harsh challenges (Erikson,
1968) that appear to be even harsher for gay
adolescents (Garnets & Kimmel, 2003). The
fundamental challenge is the heterosexual social-
ization gay youth go through. Unlike members
of other minority groups who have easy access
to socialization agents similar to themselves, for
gay youth such agents are neither visible nor ac-
cessible (Kama, 2002). Consequently, they grow
with a default heterosexual identity. During the
coming-out process this identity is replaced by a
new, extrinsic and stereotyped one, in a process
of resocialization. This process is portrayed in the
literature as a loss that situates the individual in
a state of psychological vulnerability, requiring
support and relief (Rust, 2003).
In addition to that fundamental and ongo-
ing challenge, gay male youth come up against
quotidian impediments that burden their daily
routine and hinder the acquisition of positive
identity. Paradoxically, it is the schools – pivotal
socialization agents that fail to function properly.
This failure finds expression in the nurturing of a
homophobic and oppressive atmosphere (Smith,
2007); in demeaning attitudes of teachers (Mei-
xner, 2006; Mudrey & Medina-Adams, 2006);
and in the failure to provide relevant and accurate
information on homosexuality (Uribe & Harbeck,
1992). A research report of The Israeli Gay Youth
Organization supports this state of affairs and pro-
vides data regarding the Israeli education system:
Out of 390 GLBT respondents, 31% complained
that most students had uttered homophobic com-
ments, 55% reported that teachers had ignored
these comments and 23% complained that teach-
ers themselves had made such comments. As to
information resources in schools: 45% reported
to have access to GLBT internet sites, 15% re-
ported that books and other resources existed in
the school library and 50% noted that at least
one staff member in the school was “open to the
issue” (Pizmony-Levy et al., 2008). The direct
implication of the shortfall of information is the
inability to refute homophobic prejudices. More
importantly, the lack of relevant, accurate infor-
mation in the first stage of Cass’ model (1979)
may impede the progression to the next stage and
therefore hinder or prevent the consolidation of
an affirmative gay identity.
Two additional factors compound the dif-
ficulties that gay youth encounter. The first and
most significant is frequent abuses, including
verbal insults, threats of physical violence, and
chasing or following in ratios of 80%, 44%,
and 31% respectively (Pilkington & D’Augelli,
1995). Here too the research report of The Israeli
Gay Youth Organization reveals that 20% of the
respondents suffered from physical assaults and
36% felt insecure, both as a result of their sexual
orientation (Pizmony-Levy et al., 2008). The
second factor is parental reaction, which tends
to be severe and uncompromising (Mallon, 1998;
Thompson, 2001). This reality explains the social
isolation that many gay youngsters suffer (Martin
& Hetrick, 1988). In this reality, coping with sexual
orientation can often end in failure (Beaty, 1999;
McDonald, 1982), which is reflected among others
in suicide statistics that are three times higher than
those of heterosexual youth (Gibson, 1994). The
importance of this state of affairs intensifies in
view of the positive impact of coming-out on the
emotional (Lasala, 2000) and physical (Larson &
Chastain, 1990) state of the gay individual. Consid-
ering these difficulties, and the life circumstances
of marginal groups in general, many researches
stressed the actual contribution of the internet as
an empowering tool for these groups (Barak &
sadovsky, 2008; Bowker & Tuffin, 2007; Mehra
et al., 2004; Radin, 2006).
The Newsgroup as a Social Arena
“Virtual communities are social aggregations
that emerge […] when enough people carry on
[…] public discussions long enough, with suf-
ficient human feelings, to form webs of personal
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The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
relationships in cyber-space” (Rheingold, 2000:
xx). Virtual communities are based among others
on newsgroups, defined as a specific forum style
method of communication (Long & Baecker,
1997). Newsgroups belong to the category of
computer-mediated communication (Marcoccia,
2004) and are actually a hybrid of interpersonal
and mass communication (Baym, 1998). They
constitute a multi-participant arena that is not
dependent on time (asynchronous) or place (Granit
& Nathan, 2000), and characterized by the public
nature of its messages (Baym, 1998). Whereas
the asynchronicity disrupts its inner dynamics
and makes the discussion structure more complex
(Marcoccia, 2004), the technical interface allows
progressive interactions that counteract this com-
plexity (Donath et al., 1999).
Granit and Nathan (2000) list five types of com-
munities. Two of them are relevant for this study:
A supportive community and a social community.
The goal of the first is to improve its members’
condition, while its principal advantages are the
common denominator that unites them and the
interactions based on it. The virtual form of the
supportive community benefits its members with
accessibility in time, accessibility in place and
anonymity. The goal of the second type is to cre-
ate social relations while the benefit of its virtual
form lies in the willingness to accept members
who suffer from social inferiority, and to help
them to create relations as equal peers.
On-line communities and newsgroups in
particular provide their members with a sense
of belonging (Wellman, 2001) and help them to
form and maintain social ties (Boase et al., 2006).
These insights were demonstrated in two differ-
ent empirical studies, where 66% of respondents
reported that they felt a sense of belonging to
the group (Roberts, 1998) and 61% reported that
they formed a personal relationship with someone
they “met” in the newsgroup (Parks & Floyd,
1996). Some scholars even credited newsgroups
as propitious agents of a social and civil revival
(Connolly, 2001).
As to adolescents, the newsgroup functions
as an unprecedented arena of information.3 This
merit becomes more prominent in light of the
substantial difficulties of youth to obtain informa-
tion on the web (Dresang, 1999), as well as the
unique information needs of GLBT adolescents
and particularly the blocks to the provision of
information they face (Fikar & Keith, 2004). On-
line searches reduce the difficulties of traditional
search methods, such as problems of access and
embarrassment, whereas the heterogeneity that
typifies the newsgroups – where members of
different ages and experiences gather – may help
the neophytes with guidance. Another merit of
the internet at large relates to its role as an arena
for mental-aid seekers (Gould, Munfakh, Lubell,
Kleinman & Parker, 2002) and to the assuasive
potential it may consequently have.
The researched newsgroup is a lesbigay
medium. Lesbigay media, as depicted by Kama
(2007), are produced by and for the members of
the lesbigay community and are able to compen-
sate for the deficiency in the mainstream media.
Lesbigay media hold several objectives: Forming
a shared consciousness; fostering empowerment
and communal consolidation that provides a sense
of belonging; validating the self, and remedying
alienation. It also serves as a socializing agent that
fosters the development of positive gay identity,
being a symbolic sphere where gay adolescents
feel free of judgment. These merits were stated in
research studies that had examined the internet’s
role in the lives of minority groups, including
sexual minorities (Mehra et al., 2004), and gay
male youth in particular (Nir, 1998). The first
study examined the importance of computer-
mediated communication for adult GLBT, and
stressed its role as a social support system as
well as its contribution to the development of
positive “queer” identity, and to the establishment
of political awareness. The second study focused
on Israeli gay teenagers’ involvement patterns
in newsgroups. However, both studies refrained
from relating to the coming-out process which, as
226
The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
stated, constitutes a major milestone that merits
a thorough study.
The above literature portrays the newsgroups
as social arenas. Considering the unique life ex-
perience of gay male youth, and especially the
social consequences of the coming-out process,
these arenas seem to be an ideal sphere to embrace
this process.
The significance of the internet and newsgroups
in particular intensifies due to new statistics that
reveal their popularity among youth: 93% of the
American youth surf the internet (Lenhart et al.,
2010) and over half of them regularly participate in
on-line groups, whose number constantly increases
(Joyce & Kraut, 2006). Similar data characterize
the Israeli case: 92% of the Israeli Jewish youth
surf the internet, whereas “only” 34% participate
in newsgroups (Rafaeli et al., 2010). The general
internet penetration-rate, it should be mentioned,
is higher in Israel than in the United States (Inter-
net World Stats, 2009). In light of these statistics,
today’s youth can be best described as “digital
natives” (Palfrey & Gasser, 2008).
METHOD
The research is aimed at illuminating the role of
newsgroups for gay male youth in coping with
the coming-out process and is based on a qualita-
tive discourse analysis of the messages posted on
the newsgroup “Young Pride”. The newsgroup,
launched in 2002, applies to GLBT youth and
operates within the most popular user-generated
content portal in Israel.
Since the portal’s management decline to
furnish details regarding the newsgroup (out of
confidentiality), the only available information is
the one accessible on the “About” page, where
the newsgroup is depicted as a “home for GLBT
youth”, open to various discussions with emphasis
on pride.
The number of active participants is unavail-
able as well since posting messages is not con-
ditional on subscribing. Nevertheless, during the
research the newsgroup included 66 members
aged 14 to 20 who had chosen to subscribe and
maintain a visible profile, and many more unsub-
scribed members.
At the beginning of the research, which ex-
tended over five months in 2008, the newsgroup’s
archive contained 9,000 messages (on 600 pages,
with 15 messages per page). Of these, 250 mes-
sages were sampled by non-probability purposive
sampling: Out of the 600 pages, 100 were sampled
(in equal increments of six pages), while two
or three messages pertaining to the coming-out
process or related aspects were sampled from
each page. Sampling 250 messages out of 9000
inevitably restricts my interpretation; yet the fact
that the messages’ topics tend to recur allowed me
to classify them into eight thematic categories.4
The recurrence of the discussion topics, and thus
the ability to categorize them, made it possible to
study the newsgroup’s prevailing mindset and to
identify the most pertinent messages.
A discourse analysis of the messages as a socio-
cultural text has been conducted, assuming that
within different social contexts these messages
embody concealed meanings (van Dijk, 1990).
Those meanings were interpreted on the basis of
insights gained from the theoretical section (of
the research) in compliance with the inner dy-
namics of the newsgroup, shaped predominantly
by interpersonal relationships. Examining these
dynamics through the messages, I assumed that
they may reflect reality but also – and maybe
primarily – serve as a significant constructing
factor of it.
This examination adopts Foucault’s ([1969]
1972) insight regarding the nexus between power-
relations and discourse, and Butler’s (1993) as-
sumption as to the constructive quality of discourse
and its ability to shape our perceptions of the
normal as opposed to the aberrant.
Discourse Analysis is an umbrella term used
to characterize different approaches to the study
of textual components and discursive practices
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The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
(Tracy, 1995). The messages examined in the
research were analyzed by Tracy’s (ibid) Action-
Implicative Discourse Analysis (AIDA),5 which
focuses on the examination of communicative
practices, and the problems and contradictions
elicited thereby. Moreover, it aims at revealing the
meanings behind them. The text was examined
by addressing the interrelationship between the
explicit meaning of the text and the broader context
in which it appears, in order to indicate how the
individual’s world, values and tenets are reflected
in the text. During the research I avoided any in-
tervention in the newsgroup’s inner dynamics in
order to grasp its natural atmosphere, unaffected
by external manipulations.
DISCUSSION
Participation in the newsgroup helps its partici-
pants cope with the coming-out process in four
main ways: Refutation of stereotypes; coming to
terms with their sexual orientation; encouraging
them to reveal it; and creating social ties. The
majority of the posts describe feelings of relief,
evoked by the participation itself. Among such
posts are explicit declarations of the participant’s
wish to come out of the closet:
(1) It encourages me: the very fact that I posted
here brought me huge relief, knowing I’ve
got someone to share all my dilemmas
and problems with ☺, and since I started
posting here (just a few days ago), I feel an
even greater need to shout out loud and tell
everyone.6
(2) I think I’m close to being happy: writing
here has been so helpful…I feel I’m about
to become really free! I’m happy to say that
I think my close friends will accept it really
well… huge thanks to all of you!
As noted, in these messages the writers con-
nect the sense of relief with their desire to come
out. According to Rust (2003), coming-out of
the closet is indeed easier for gay youth who feel
they can connect socially with other gays. That
is, the very fact of posting on the newsgroup and
creating contact with similar members encourages
coming-out.
The Newsgroup’s Contribution
to Refutation of Stereotypes
A major part of the messages reflect stereotypical
perceptions shaped by a biased world of images
through which the newsgroup’s members see the
adult community. Researchers (Beentjes et al.,
2001) assert that adolescents devote much of their
time to media which inevitably become a chief
source that informs their world of images. The
importance of the media for young gays intensifies
due to the lack of similar agents of socialization,
a lack that leads them to rely more strongly on
gay images presented in the mass media. These
images, to put it mildly, are far from being ideal
and were accompanied over a long period by
symbolic annihilation and negative stereotypes
(Kama, 2002) in various media: Film (Dyer, 2002),
television (Croteau & Hoynes, 200) and the press
(Alwood, 1996).
(3) Dissatisfied with myself: […] don’t get me
wrong, I haven’t got a problem with lesbians
and gays but their way of life looks frighten-
ing. I don’t want to go to drak [drag] queen
parties and live in an isolated community,
that’s totally frightening for me […].
(4) A quickie or a serious relationship?: And
now there’s something that really worries
me. I’m 17 and I’m so looking for a seri-
ous relationship with someone. I feel it’s
something I really lack in life. […] I know
that life alone is tough […] I’m afraid that
the stigma is true and most gays are looking
for quickies. I don’t want to remain alone
for the rest of my life […].
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The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
The finding that gay and lesbian youth suf-
fer from a lack of actual role-models (Vincke
& van-Heering, 2004) explains the stereotypes
discernible in these messages. In the absence of
appropriate models, young people rely on partial
representations that picture gays as lonely people
who waste their time at parties.
Perceiving the stereotypes as true is liable to
cause the young people to reject their gay identity,
in an attempt to escape such a lifestyle. Beyond
that, however, social tagging entails significant
psychological implications: Meyer (2003) argues
that gays, like any tagged minority group, suffer
from chronic tension as a result of the tagging they
receive. Society’s reaction to deviance causes the
tagged individual to develop defensive behavior,
with attendant mental symptoms. In practice, it
finds expression in self-hatred, in over-shyness,
in obsession deriving from the stigmas, and even
in rebellion. Goffman (1963) holds that among
the implications of the perceived stigma, the in-
dividual feels he is “less deserving” and develops
mistrust in-, and a sense of alienation from the
dominant culture. These feelings coincide with
the low self-esteem that characterizes young
GLBTs (Garnets et al., 2003), and are evident in
messages dealing with love. The vast majority
of such messages relate to the lack of love, to
perceptions of love as the root of all evil, and as
the source of the general depression expressed
there. It is hard to assess whether this attitude
toward love is the cause or the outcome of low
self-esteem, but it can be assumed that the second
option is more probable because gay youths are
exposed to numerous risk factors such as negative
stereotypes and heterosexist attitudes that may
foster poor self-esteem.
The discourse on the newsgroup reflects an
agreed-on division between two groups: Confused
“newbies” who are unfamiliar with lesbigay
matters, and senior, self-aware surfers who have
gained their position after having “gone through
the mill” of experiences typifying the early phases
of the coming-out process. The main advantage
of this division lies in the tendency of the senior
members to refute prevailing stereotypes, as a
part of a conscious attempt to ease feelings of
distress. In other words, the juxtaposition of the
two groups enables the experienced members to
provide useful instructions, as reflected in many
posts, such as posts nos. 8, 10 and 18 below.
In contrast with the negative influence of ste-
reotypes, positive gay images are likely to help
prevent denial of the identity by reducing internal-
ized homophobia (Rust, 2003). Indeed, some of
the messages contain links that provide positive
role-models, such as GLBT Israeli artists. For
example, in a reply to a message claiming that gay
couplehood doesn’t exist, surfers provided links
to articles relating the story of a well-known gay
Israeli couple Dr. Amit Kama and Prof. Uzi Even
– who contributed substantially to advancing the
Israeli gay community. Gay Israeli respondents,
it should be noted, state real longing for norma-
tive images of gays in the media (Kama, 2002).
The Newsgroup’s Contribution
to Reconciliation with
Sexual Orientation
Discourse on the newsgroup reveals that some of
the youths are not reconciled with their conscious
sexual orientation. Unlike the confusion entailed
in the sexual orientation, which may occur because
they are still in the early stages and due to imma-
turity, the failure to reconcile with the conscious
tendency should be examined in terms of internal-
ized homophobia. It has been claimed (Garnets et
al., 2003) that this is one of the outcomes of the
heterosexist ideology prevailing in society. It goes
without saying that internalized homophobia is a
delaying factor that one must overcome in order
to complete the coming-out process. Many of the
messages posted on the newsgroup indeed contain
expressions of self-homophobia (examples 5 and
6 below).
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The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
(5) I hate myself: hate those thoughts, that
attraction, that I’m the way I am […] you
don’t think perhaps it’s true what they say
and if I do everything possible, I’ll get over
it? […] I’m simply angry at myself […] I
was always different, I’ve had enough of it!!
(6) “I can’t accept it: […] I don’t want to be
gay, or a gay in denial. Every day I battle
my tendencies, and it’s destroying me from
the inside. What do I have to do to become
straight? [i.e., heterosexual]. I don’t want
to accept myself. Maybe witchcraft would
help me, or hormone treatment […] because
I can’t live this split […] but I have to, I
mustn’t give in, otherwise I’ll be lost, it’s
so stupid that God created me a boy and I’m
not attracted to girls, what a huge joke, just
to see if people can cope with their lives?
[…] Is there anyone in the whole world who
managed to change his sexual tendency, or
is it in your genes for ever?
These messages fit the situation described in
the first stage of Cass’ model of identity formation
(Cass, 1979). At this stage, the individual wonders
whether his behavior fits the description of homo-
sexual behavior. The thoughts undermine his het-
erosexual identity and, to resolve the contradiction,
he either seeks relevant information or reacts with
denial. Denying one’s sexual orientation is com-
mon on the newsgroup’s messages, and it mostly
finds expression in posts where the writer wants to
learn something from the newsgroup members, but
claims that he’s straight. Responding to a message
where the writer maintained he was straight, but
wanted to know how other participants’ fathers
reacted when they heard about their sons’ sexual
tendencies – another participant wrote:
(7) You’re curious, as a straight guy? Why do
you want to hear what our fathers think about
it? Do you want to share something with us,
maybe? Regards.
According to Rust (2003), such a response,
despite its lack of sensitivity, can render an un-
thinkable situation conceivable. It validates the
individual and his denied tendency, helping him to
imagine an alternative reality in which he accepts
himself. The individual’s understanding of his
power to bear and cope with that reality may well
advance him along the coming-out stages by re-
ducing denial reactions. As noted, in contrast with
the option of denial, the healthy option involves
attempts to obtain information about the commu-
nity. The internet in general, and particularly the
messages posted on the newsgroup, facilitate the
individual to obtain information relevant to him,
and thus backs-up the transition to the second stage.
In many cases, the information needed to come
out of the closet is contained in the talkbacks to
messages describing lack of acceptance:
(8) Coming-out of the closet toward yourself:
society conditions us to think that the
only normative lifestyle is heterosexual.
Everyone raised in this world assumes that
he’s straight […]. That’s the precise reason
that coming-out of the closet is such a big
deal - it shatters some kind of assumption.
Regrettably, the situation you’re in is the
rule for everyone who isn’t straight. A gay
who doesn’t go through this stage […] is
the exception to the rule […] gradually
you’ll start to realize there’s nothing wrong
about your sexual orientation […] just think
of yourself as a caterpillar that eventually
becomes a butterfly.
This talkback was apparently written by a
young man somewhat older than the others, and
it projects several ideas to the addressee: First of
all, there is an attempt to inform the youth about
his condition, to locate him on a linear develop-
ment axis, and also to make it clear that despite
the deviance (due to heteronormative definitions)
– it’s OK. Additionally, the writer tries to show
what the future holds (“you’ll start to realize”) and
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The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
to sow hope about it (“a caterpillar that eventu-
ally becomes a butterfly”). In other words, this
response tries to compensate for the instability that,
according to Savin-Williams (2005), character-
izes many young gays. Similar to that message,
hinting that linear development does exist, other
messages detail the coming-out stages, and those
details are likely to be beneficial since they help
identify which stage the youth is at, and its typical
problems (Rust, 2003).
The most common reason for rejecting the gay
option and for the uncompromising desire to be
“straight”, as elicited from the messages, is unwill-
ingness to give up the family framework which is
perceived possible only as part of a heterosexual
lifestyle. Rust (ibid) asserts that during the process
of mourning the lost heterosexual identity – a
normal and necessary stage in the reconciliation
process the individual forces himself to abandon
certain expectations, such as the expectation for
a family, while in fact he only should adapt his
expectations to the new circumstances. Some of
the messages on the newsgroup supply informa-
tion as to the feasible coexistence of a family
framework and a gay way of life:
(9) Just wanted to ask your opinion: […] I really
want to be straight. […] I know you’ll say
it’s ok to be gay or bi […] but I want to be
straight. I always dreamed about having a
wife and kids, and I could travel the country
to meet my parents and hers. […] but I still
want a regular family […].
A response:
(10) Want to be straight: […] I have to say that’s
one of the stages I went through myself […]
I thought about not having a wife, a home,
two kids and a white picket-fence, like I
always dreamed. It seems that some dreams
are never fulfilled […] what will happen if
in a few years time you fall in love with the
man of your dreams? Will you go back to that
childhood dream when you were 16 and tell
him ‘Listen, it’s over between us, because
I’m looking for a woman?’ I’m positive it
won’t happen. Take your time, and think
about it […].
Other responses offered more concrete infor-
mation:
(11) If the reason is children, you can take it off
the list, because lesbigay parenting [a link
to Gay-Lesbian Parenting newsgroup is
provided] is starting to be run-of-the-mill,
including court cases and adopted kids […].
If you’re sure about yourself, it’s a pity to
keep on ‘trying’ to be straight, because it’s
impossible, it simply takes your strength
away […].
(12) And now it’s official: gays and lesbians
can be the heirs of their partners [a link to
an article is provided] – a major step in the
struggle for rights.
Unlike response 10 which attempts to “soften”
the young man’s feelings by expressing identi-
fication and pointing to his error, the two other
responses provide URLS to internet sites where
concrete information is available. The very aware-
ness of the existence of a newsgroup for gay
and lesbian parenting may settle the erroneous
discrepancy between the familial framework and
the gay way of life. As noted, this awareness may
encourage self-reconciliation and assists coping
with the coming-out process.
In addition to this kind of information, many
messages provide information relating to histori-
cal, psychological and legal matters relevant to
the GLBT community. For example, responses to
questions like “what is a bisexual?”, “can gays
get married?” or “how does sexual identity take
shape?”. Other messages explain how the Gay
Pride Parade was created, or invite newsgroup
members to a meeting that will discuss similari-
ties and differences between the gay and feminist
231
The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
struggles. According to Shiloh (2007), as part of
the consolidation of identity, youth need infor-
mation about lesbigay culture, the community’s
history, the local community’s activity, safe sex
and so on. Sharing information, particularly during
meetings, he continues, may serve as a catalyst for
advancing personal development processes and
helps boost self-confidence. It is a vital condition
for disclosing one’s sexual orientation.
The Newsgroup’s Contribution to
Disclosing Sexual Orientation
The various messages analyzed so far contribute
in diverse ways, mostly indirect, to completing
the coming-out process. Alongside these mes-
sages are more than a few that deal directly with
coming-out and its ramifications. Most of them
address the connection between coming-out and
the family’s reaction, which young gays consider
an influential and significant factor. Studies in-
dicate that concerns about parental reactions and
about damaging the relationship with them after
disclosing one’s sexual orientation is the central
issue that worries teens who attend support-groups
(D’Augelli et al., 2002). The newsgroup provides
a suitable platform for bringing up troubling
questions and dilemmas regarding these issues:
(13) What did you feel when you came out of the
closet?! Did you come out to your parents /
friends / family?! How did they react?! Did
you lose any friends?! Did you come to terms
with it right away, or did it take time?! Write
here everything that happened!”
(14) I want to come out of the closet: how do I do
it, do I tell all my friends and my parents?
In a way they will accept?
Answers to these sort of questions are im-
mensely important because the questioners receive
reliable answers from people like them, who went
through the same experience. This is all the more
important when it concerns young gays who suffer
during adolescence from a central deficit the lack
of socialization agents who can provide informa-
tion and advice on related matters. Moreover, mes-
sages like these are often answered with practical
recommendations and salient information likely
to help in the coming-out process:
(15) Warmly recommend: I want to recommend
the book “Mom, I have something to tell
you”, which I think most of you know. It’s
about gays and lesbians, how they live with
it, coming-out of the closet, and how their
parents reacted […]. It also has explana-
tions and answers to questions we all ask,
and always wanted to get answers [about].
I’m sure you’ll feel better about yourselves
after you read the book, which will fill you
with hope about the next stage […].
Other messages include declarations about the
intention of coming-out, and are generally fol-
lowed by encouraging, motivating replies. They
tend to support the declarations and to urge the
writer to take the next step, offering backing and
advice on how to come out, as well as noting that
another reality is possible – to those participants
who view coming-out as an impossible option:
(16) Coming-out: …me?: Guys, it sounds a
bit unexpected but my head’s starting to
change… and I’m actually starting to think
about coming-out…[…] yes…I’m aware
of the problems ahead but they’ll be there
anyway. I can already predict their hate for
me…the mortification... not allowing me
to meet boys … but I won’t give in […] I’ll
fight to the end…I’ll struggle … I’ll rebel
– everything, until they start accepting me
the way I am…it can be done…[…].
(17) Fateful decision: OK, that’s it… I’ve finally
decided! I’m going to tell my sister in a day
or two, and then my mother […] afterwards
I’ll tell my father and older brother… wish
232
The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
me luck!!! And a hug won’t do any harm,
either.
In response:
(18) First of all, way to go for taking the step!
I hope you’re really ready for it, and your
parents and friends too. There are lots of ways
to do it, but first of all I think you should
read an article about coming-out, and then
decide if it’s really right for you. Then we’ll
move to ways of telling them and how they’ll
accept it. Look at the Tehila site [gives the
URL and a link to a specific article]. […]
And afterwards if you like, I’ll gladly help
you and answer questions. Anyway lots
of luck!
As discernible in Message 16, this is a partici-
pant who changed his mind about the feasibility
of coming-out, although he understands that prob-
lems may result from taking the step. Coming-out
of the closet after taking part in the newsgroup
(even passive participation) is done despite the
exposure to the tough implications it may have.
While participating in the newsgroup, the young
people read about coming-out experiences that
include stringent reactions from society and from
the family too. Therefore, the choice to come out
of the closet nevertheless is necessarily a consid-
ered, calculated step that requires self-acceptance.
Its significance lies not only in accepting one’s
sexual orientation but also in the willingness to
deal with the results of disclosing it, even if they
are harsh. Participating in the newsgroup, as the
messages show, helps to overcome some of the
barriers and speeds up the disclosure of orienta-
tion through support and help, practical hints or
suggestions, and providing an attentive ear for
the young men’s dilemmas.
The Newsgroup’s Contribution
to Creating Social Ties
Taking part in the newsgroup plays a central role
in creating a consolidated sub-community (of
newsgroup members) and in linking it up with
the broader GLBT community. The contribution
is reflected at two levels: At the first conscious
level, it seems that the newsgroup members feel
part of the community whose members share
similar circumstances. At the second physical level
the newsgroup serves as a platform for creating
social ties with members of the community, while
simultaneously offering official and unofficial
support.
The messages on the newsgroup provide gay
youth with three types of information that helps
them join a new social community: Information
about communal social groups, about places
of entertainment for the community, and about
professional support organizations. A support-
ive social community composed of people with
similar identity provides its members with a sense
of shared destiny and according to Rust (2003),
contributes to coping with the coming-out process,
which is inevitably accompanied by the loss of
social relationships. Examining the community
using Cass’ model (1979) makes that contribution
clear: Unlike the first stage in the model, where the
individual confronts lack of self-acceptance, in the
second stage – although he is beginning to accept
his queer orientation and consider its implications
he still presents himself as a heterosexual. At the
same time, at this stage the individual is likely to
allow trusted friends to give him support, and he
tries to disclose his identity gradually, attempting
to test initial reactions before the “great revela-
tion”. At the third stage – the Identity Tolerance
stage the individual is more strongly committed
to his new identity, and seeks a GLBT commu-
nity; the next stage includes strengthening ties
with its members. Familiarity with the GLBT
community and access to it are therefore almost
vital conditions for progressing along the various
233
The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
stages of the coming-out process. Participating
in a newsgroup lets the members learn about the
very existence of the community, get to know its
members, gradually become part of it, and enjoy
its potential advantages in coping with the inher-
ent difficulties of the coming-out process. A great
number of messages that describe distress and
isolation are answered with a recommendation
to join a community-based social group:
(19) It’s tough in this glass closet: Okay. So I’m
gay in the closet and of course everybody
guessed it because of my nickname […] I
feel really alone […] I’m very frustrated
at school, and ashamed to come out in the
classroom […]. I tried to meet other gays
in chat rooms but they’ve only got sex on
their mind. Please help me!!!
In response:
(20) Go somewhere like the Open House: there’s
one in Jerusalem and one in Tel Aviv, if you
come to Jerusalem I’ll introduce you to
friends... How about it? […]. Every city has
its own community, and you’re not the only
gay where you live!!! Go out, get to know
gays, go to places where gays get together,
but the most recommended thing is meeting
groups of gays and lesbians, who talk, enjoy
themselves, and make contacts… and you
get to meet lots of new people. I hope I’ve
helped you.
An answer like this, which could be perceived
as a rather amateur, trivial recommendation, can
in fact contribute immensely to consolidating
sexual identity and helping the individual with the
coming-out process. According to Yalom (1995),
lesbigay youth who were in social contact with
other lesbigay youth, have a similar health con-
dition to that characterizing heterosexual youth.
This finding is notably important in view of the
findings presented previously that GLBT youth
suffer from low self-esteem and problematic
psychological state. Yalom’s findings (ibid) also
coincide with Cass’ (1979) claim that the quality
of social ties is a significant factor in the process
of coming to terms with one’s sexual orientation.
Social groups of lesbigay youth, as the cited
reply recommends, help youth to share their
feelings with others and to receive validation for
their feelings from other young people who have
undergone similar experiences. Such groups also
help to develop social skills and to get accustomed
to a resocialisation process that matches the new
circumstances (Shiloh, 2007). The importance of
these groups increases in places where the lack
of a GLBT community intensifies the difficulty
(Rochlin, 1994). Other people post to the news-
group express a conscious need for involvement
in the community:
(21) I assume I won’t change schools at this
stage […] but what I can do is get to know
people from activities outside school. I need
to meet new people because the primitive
homophobes at my school are driving me
crazy!!! I want to know if there are normal
people in the world! Can you recommend
me a volunteering place […] in the central
Israel?
Alongside information about social meetings
and places of entertainment, there is great demand
for information about professional support and
help organizations. Obtaining help from sources
that take a positive approach to sexual orientation
is likely to be strongly significant in creating a
positive gay identity (Klein, 1993). Professional
advisers can ask questions that help the individual
to imagine himself as gay. Questions such as “how
will people around you react to your coming-out,
and how will you react to their reaction?” allow
the individual to assess more realistically if the
coming-out process will be a “worthwhile step”.
Moreover, questions of this kind can reduce the
social alienation that typifies closeted gays, be-
234
The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
cause they allow the individual to imagine himself
creating social ties that he perceives as impossible
(Rust, 2003).
Participation in the newsgroup therefore en-
ables users obtain information about social groups,
places of entertainment, and support groups. The
social relationships created within the newsgroup
join forces to create a communal framework that
facilitates the coping with the coming-out, due to
its physical existence but no less because the young
boys become aware of its embracing nature. At
this stage, when the social isolation is replaced by
social ties and feelings of belonging, expressions
of pride are likely to surface.
Pride and Subversion
Some of the discussions on the newsgroup tran-
scend the everyday preoccupation with sexual
orientation. As such, the newsgroup is also a
social arena that encourages debate on general
matters that can divert members’ attention from
the daily difficulties entailed in their sexual orien-
tation. Thanks to this role of the newsgroup, and
taking into account the psychological situation
of many young gays, as described previously,
the newsgroup is important not only as an arena
encouraging coming-out, but also as an “island
of sanity” that lets them take a break from their
complex life circumstances an ever-present part
of their adolescence. Another kind of messages,
less common but still noticeable, are those mes-
sages expressing a discourse of pride as well as
subversion of heterosexual norms:
(22) Ucht’ch-ism.7 A way of life or an incurable
illness? […] I was always more sensitive
and had no tendencies for the usual male
brutality, but recently I took on the burden
of being an ucht’cha. Why? Just because!
[…] if I would want to keep my sexual at-
traction secret I could talk and act about it
differently, more concealed, but that’s not my
goal […] You ask yourselves - so why be an
ucht’cha?! Why?! And I say I feel like it.
It’s the figure I choose to represent myself
with [...] If I really want to do something, I
immerse myself in the stereotype. [...] And
so, my dear freaks […] standing before you
is an ucht’cha […].
Nicknaming himself as a sissy attests to the
acceptance of his identity and even pride in its
queerness. Moreover, the content of the message
and particularly the way it’s phrased, correspond
with the central idea of the political lesbigay
struggle, during which gays and lesbians adopted
the term “queer” precisely because it is homopho-
bic slander. Similar to adopting the term “queer”,
a young man proudly defining himself as a sissy
challenges the “compulsory heterosexuality”, a
term coined by Rich (1993 [1986]) in the lesbian
context. At a deeper level, this message can be
identified with Butlers (1990) notion of gender
as a performance. She argues that gender is not
an essentialist-intrinsic component but merely
an expression of physical gestures, subjected to
a strict social policing that catalogues them into
two genders: Woman and man. A deviant gendered
appearance – by adopting gestures of the other
gender – enables the individual to undermine the
naturalness of the concept and disclose its inherent
depressive nature. The message’s author chose “to
appear” as a sissy, a figure characterized by those
deviant physical gestures that Butler discusses. In
doing so, he rejects the policing norms and refuses
to accept the gendered identity he was designated
for. In other words, the writer’s choice deconstructs
the enforced trinity (biology, gendered identity,
gendered appearance) and thus subverts its natural-
ness. In another message, where the writer relates
that he came out of the closet during a class, and
was applauded by his classmates, he says:
(23) […] and I know I’m proud and did what I
felt, and no one can take my pride away! I
wish you all happiness, love and pride!
235
The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
Although in this case it is not easy to determine
conclusively if participation in the newsgroup is
what inspired the feelings of pride, or whether it
is a case of feelings that took shape outside the
newsgroup, in both cases the newsgroup’s contri-
bution is discernible. Even if the second option is
correct, it is an expression of affirmative feelings
on a newsgroup whose members gathered due
to shared traits, principally those of deviance,
alienation, and rejection by family and society -
and hence its importance. For participants who
perceive coming-out as an unreasonable option,
expressions of pride may sow hope for the future,
being proof of absolute self-acceptance.
CONCLUSION
The Young Pride newsgroup is an empowering
arena that is capable of easing the coping of young
gays with the coming-out process. Its contribution
is achieved through four chief ways: Refuting
stereotypes; reconciliation with one’s sexual ori-
entation; encouraging young people to reveal their
orientation; and helping them build social ties.
A discourse analysis of the newsgroup’s mes-
sages and a study of the inner dynamics prevailing
there allow charting an imaginary line. At one end
of the line is the closeted individual, confused and
lacks social ties with the GLBT community, and
at the other is one who has come to terms with
his sexual orientation and is seeking to integrate
into the community. Between these two poles
the four mentioned processes unfold, in parallel
with the process of consolidating a gay identity.
The newsgroup allows its members to “find their
place” along that line, in accordance with their
progression (as they perceive it) and to choose the
contents most relevant to them. As such, it becomes
a social arena that can help a broad spectrum of
young people, at whichever stage they are (attest-
ing to this, a 16-year old who presented himself
as transgender, a situation considered extreme on
this newsgroup, also received appropriate help
and support).
The newsgroup’s content is embedded in three
levels. At the first level – the personal – the in-
dividual experiences inner processes, which lead
him to reconcile to his orientation as a vital but
insufficient condition for coming-out. The second
level - the familial – includes processes that help
the individual understand his interaction with the
family, which he perceives as a significant factor
in the process. At the third level – the social – the
individual comprehends the relationship between
himself as a gay and his social setting. The impor-
tance of the three levels (myself, family, society)
is that they serve as criteria by which young men
assess their progress in the coming-out process,
and thus their position as to the gay matter.
In addition, an overall view of the newsgroup’s
dynamics reveals two contributions at the macro
level. They are ostensibly contradictory, but in
fact complementary. Above all, the newsgroup
is an “island of sanity”, precisely because of its
ability to detach its members from the homo-
phobic, heterosexual environment where the
young men are subject to constant, inflexible
judgment. Moreover, for young gays further along
the coming-out process the newsgroup functions
as a bridge that connects them with the external
GLBT community. In other words, these are two
gradual stages: First, the newsgroup is a protec-
tive sanctuary allowing them to consolidate their
identity as gays, while receiving support from
similar people, and only afterward to come out
into “the real world”.
Nir (1998), who examined gay youths’ in-
volvement patterns in newsgroups, regards her re-
spondents as an imagined community (Anderson,
1983), and she distinguishes between the space
where it exists and the tangible world of its mem-
bers. Although the newsgroup initially constitutes
an isolated arena, social relations are subsequently
formed outside the newsgroup, where the imag-
ined community becomes a tangible one. This is
how the newsgroup compensates for the lack of
236
The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
a central need – a healthy socialization process
– and socializes its members into the gay world,
where for the first time in their lives, their sexual
orientation is not an indication.
The potential contribution of newsgroups for
young gays coping with the coming-out process
supports research studies pointing out the positive
influences of the internet on different minority
groups, such as cancer patients (Radin, 2006),
low-income families (Mehra et al., 2004), the
hearing-impaired (Barak & Sadovsky, 2008), and
the physically handicapped (Bowker & Tuffin,
2007).
In the light of these findings and the vary-
ing patterns of coming-out of the closet among
populations with varying socio-demographic
characteristics, such as ethnicity, race, and gen-
der (Grov et al., 2006), there is room for future
quantitative research that examines the correlation
between internet access, internet usage patterns
and scope, and surfers’ coming-out experiences.
The percentage of internet use is higher among the
young, educated, and affluent (Slevin, 2000). A
potential correlation between internet-use patterns
of gays belonging to different cultural groups, and
the coming-out experience (if it occurs, at which
age, and so on) might be complex, but certainly
interesting and important.
ACKNOWEDGMENT
* I want to express my heartfelt gratitude and ap-
preciation to Dr. Einat Lachover for her supporting
and enriching guidance. I also want to thank Dr.
Rivka Ribak, Dr. Michele Rosenthal, and Mr.
Elad Hamo for their contributions and support.
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KEY TERM AND DEFINITIONS
Computer-Mediated Communication:
The full range of communicative acts that occur
through the use of networked computers. Research
in the field of CMC usually deals with the social
implications of networked technologies.
Heterosexism: An ideological array of atti-
tudes, acts or institutions that nurture the belief in
the superiority of heterosexuality and discriminate
none-heterosexual people on that basis.
Homophobia: Antagonism, fear or hatred to-
ward those who love and sexually desire others of
the same sex. Homophobic attitudes derive from
prejudice and find expression in discrimination,
harassment or acts of violence.
Newsgroup: One kind of a networked discus-
sion group. Newsgroup is a multi-participants fo-
rum mostly focused on a specific topic of interest.
Unlike some other kinds of discussion groups, the
newsgroup is asynchronous and usually public.
Stereotype: A common public belief directed
toward a social group or “representatives” indi-
241
The Role of Internet Newsgroups in the Coming-Out Process of Gay Male Youth
viduals. The stereotype is a simplified conception
based on a prior assumption in order to reduce
complexity, and it may result in generalization
and prejudice.
Virtual Community: A network of individuals
who maintain social ties in cyber-space. The virtual
community is not place-bound and therefore it
potentially transcends traditional boundaries such
as geographical, racial, political etc.
ENDNOTES
1 The Stonewall Inn was a New York bar
for gays that, like similar venues, suffered
from frequent police raids accompanied
by violence, humiliation and arrests. On
the evening of 27 June 1969, the raiders
encountered powerful resistance from the
guests in the bar, which ended after three
days of riots (Alwood, 1996).
2 On 1 August 2009, a gunman opened fire
at a gay youth center in Tel Aviv and killed
two people. The incident served as a rude
awakening to the local community that
has been experiencing a very gay-friendly
atmosphere.
3 Surfing the internet, it should be noted, is
fraught with dangers. This chapter focuses
on the ways by which the participation in
newsgroups shapes the coming-out process,
and therefore it does not elaborate on these
dangers. However, this is not to deny the
concrete negative aspects of surfing.
4 These are the subjects of the posts on the
newsgroup: requests for information on a
specific subject; love matters; expressions
of confusion and disappointment about the
writers’ sexual orientation; a direct reference
to the newsgroup’s centrality in the young
people’s lives; the coming-out experience;
expressions of depression alongside ex-
pressions of pride; announcements about
newsgroup meetings; and discussions of
stereotypes.
5 Under this approach, the discourse-analysis
process is principally ethnographic, and
requires the researcher to be familiar with
the examined environment. In this context,
it should be noted that my personal experi-
ence with the coming-out process naturally
structures the worldview that runs through
the textual analysis.
6 Message structure: a chronological number
added for convenience and for common
language (in parentheses); the message title
as written by the surfers (unless no title was
written); a colon, followed by the message’s
content. The emphases as well as all the text
in square parentheses are mine. Three dots
in square parentheses […] reflect deleted
text.
7 From the word “Ucht’cha”. It is commonly
used in Israel’s GLBT community as a deri-
sive nickname for feminine flamboyant gays
(analogous to “sissy”), and is part of a whole
language that has developed in Israel’s GLBT
community. Israeli gays tend to talk about
themselves using the feminine (Hebrew is
a gender-biased language). Ucht’cha is a
corrupted form of the word Uchti - Arabic
for “my sister”.
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