Technical ReportPDF Available

Should Parents Coach Their Own Children?

Authors:

Abstract

Many parents coach their own children on youth sports teams, sometimes with good results, sometimes with negative results for both the child and the parent. Some experts have noted the advantages of parents coaching their own children as they best know the strengths and moods of their children (Dure, 2015; Lauer, 2016; Cumming & Ewing, 2002). On the other hand, other experts have argued that parents should not coach their own children due to problems associated with switching roles from parent to coach and children perhaps not feeling as comfortable with having their parent as a coach (LeBolt, 2016; Wrestle Club, 2016). Some authors have offered suggestions for how parents can switch roles effectively from parent to coach (Clarke 2016; NAYS & Bach, 2016; Spiker, 2013). The purpose of this brief is to discuss the advantages/ benefits and disadvantages of parents coaching their own children.
Research Brief
Number 43/October, 2016
Should Parents Coach Their Own Children?
Tek B. Dangi and Peter A. Witt
Introduction
Many parents coach their own children on youth sports teams, sometimes with good results, sometimes
with negative results for both the child and the parent. Some experts have noted the advantages of
parents coaching their own children as they best know the strengths and moods of their children (Dure,
2015; Lauer, 2016; Cumming & Ewing, 2002). On the other hand, other experts have argued that
parents should not coach their own children due to problems associated with switching roles from
parent to coach and children perhaps not feeling as comfortable with having their parent as a coach
(LeBolt, 2016; Wrestle Club, 2016). Some authors have offered suggestions for how parents can switch
roles effectively from parent to coach (Clarke 2016; NAYS & Bach, 2016; Spiker, 2013). The purpose
of this brief is to discuss the advantages/ benefits and disadvantages of parents coaching their own
children.
Benefits/Advantages of Parental Coaching
Youth sports experts have identified a number of benefits/advantages of parents serving as coaches for
their own children (Dure, 2015; Lauer, 2016; Scandiffio, 2015; Weiss & Fretwell, 2005). Some of the
specific benefits identified include:
Knowing their children better than anyone else, and being able to do what is necessary to meet
their needs.
Being in a good position to deal with their child’s mood swings and reactions to certain
situations.
Being able to spend more time with the child.
Getting to spend quality time with their child and being able to be a good role model.
Being able to teach skills and valuable life lessons to their child.
Being able to have a shared experience and shared memories with their child.
Having an opportunity to expand their own social network, develop new skills and life
lessons, and get an opportunity to work out.
In addition, Vallerand, Deci, & Ryan, (1987) stated that “Children’s perceptions of parental support and
involvement in physical activity have been identified as positive predictors of enjoyment, participation
in physical activity, and continued participation in youth sports” (p. 391).Thus, a number of positives
seem to emerge when parents coach their own children. However, parents should weigh the benefits
with the possible downsides before deciding to become a parent-coach.
Disadvantages/Downsides of Parental Coaching
Several disadvantages to parents coaching their own children have also been identified. For example,
parents can become over-involved and children can feel that it is the parent, not them making the
decision that they should play sports (Vallerand, Deci, & Ryan, 1987). Under these conditions, children
may show less interest in sports and lower levels of enjoyment, with a possibility that children will drop
out of the activity. While parents may know their child better than anyone else, parental coaching may
lead to conflicts during practice, games, and at home (Lauer, 2016). In addition, children may become
frustrated with their parent’s coaching tactics or team members may perceive that the coacher’ child is
receiving preferential treatment, which could be harmful to relationships the child has with teammates.
Several other disadvantages for parents coaching their own children have been offered (LeBolt, 2016;
Weiss & Fretwell, 2005; Wrestle Club, 2016) and should provide guidance for parents, practitioners
and administrators for reviewing current policies and programs relating to youth sports coaching. They
include:
Parent-coaches tend to favor their own child. This may create strained relationships between
child and teammates or between the parent and child.
Parent-coaches tend to be harder on their own kids, e.g., criticism of child for mistakes,
which could lead to child having negative emotional responses.
Parent-coaches may be unaware of how they are behaving with their own kids and show a
lack of understanding/empathy.
Parent-coaches may see themselves as more qualified than they really are.
Parent interacting with parents of other children on the team may be a problem; may affect
previous friendships.
Children separating parent as parent role from parent as coach.
A kid never forgets the time you yelled at him in front of 100 people. Parent may be more
apt to lose his/her temper with his or her own child.
The car ride home from a game may be turned into a time for criticism…is the parent the
coach or a parent during this time?
Parent-coaches may set higher expectations for their children, thus creating undue pressure
and leading to burnout.
Child may not want parent as coach.
Suggestions for Helping Parents Be Successful as Parent-Coaches
A variety of suggestions and tips have been presented to help parent become successful parent-coaches
(Active.com, 2016; Clarke, 2016; Lauer, 2016; NAYS & Bach, 2016; Spiker, 2013; Weiss & Fretwell,
2005)
Get children’s input first/ know your child’s sport’s goals before becoming their coach.
Take off your coach’s hat at homebe careful about mixing parent and coach roles.
Avoid too many extra practices at home (unless wanted by the child).
Be a supportive parent first, coach second.
Do not press your own ambitions on your child or create unfair or unwarranted expectations.
Be careful about overanalyzing game and child’s performance on the way home from
practices or games.
Treat all team members fairly by not providing preferential treatment or giving non-child
team members less opportunity.
Keep the experience as fun as possible…do not over coach.
Be sensitive to generation gap issues…child and parent may view the same issue from a
different perspective, i.e., respect your child’s individuality.
Know your coaching limitations and involve other coaches as needed.
Learn to provide constructive comments and ways to improve; avoid harping on what went
wrong or negatives.
Be delicate with discipline. The louder you are, the less you will be heard.
Focus on developing skills.
Take coaching classes/trainings.
Several other suggestions have been made to help parents be successful parent-coaches:
Don’t bring sport issues to dinner table; have one spouse less involved in sports as a means
of taking the pressure off and emphasizing other important aspects of family life.
Initiate communications with other parents before the season to provide a better platform for
handling parent problems on a one-on-one basis without involving the kids.
Conduct an orientation meeting with parents that enables sharing of team and coach
experiences; informing parents about the importance of attending parental tutoring/coaching;
and providing parents with brochures on team rules/calendars, etc.
Videotape one’s coaching so that coaches can oneself in action and work to identify and
implement issues that require changes in attitudes of behavior.
Training Opportunities for Parent Coaches
To equip coaches with critical skills needed for coaching kids, youth sports coaches’ training and
education programs are available. For example, the National Youth Sports Coaches Association
(NYSCA, 2016) within the umbrella of National Alliance for Youth Sports (NAYS) offers several
education and training programs for volunteer coaches. The Coaching Youth Sports section covers
topics such as working with parents, motivating kids, building confidence, instilling good
sportsmanship, safety, and nutrition and hydration, among many other areas. In the Sport-Specific
Training section, coaches learn how to teach the basic skills and fundamentals of the particular sport
they are coaching, as well as effective drills to use during their practices. Videos are also available to
help coaches.
Conclusion and Implications
There are pros and cons regarding coaching one’s own child. However, good advice and training is
available for parents wishing to coach their own children. Coaching one’s own children and others is a
daunting task, which requires knowledge, skills, experience, and commitment so that it becomes an
equally rewarding experience for the parent, child, and other children. In the end, the answer to the
question, “should parents coach their own children”, is ‘It Depends. If parents have too many issues
regarding how to separate their role as coach and from their role as parent, the answer is probably ‘No.
However, if parents can balance between the coach and parent roles and can create more positive
cordial rather than contentious sporting experiences, the answer might be ‘Yes’ (Weiss & Fretwell,
2005). For parents thinking about becoming a coach for their child’s team, there is a lot to think about.
References
Active.Com (2016). 15 tips for coaching your own child. Retrieved from:
http://www.active.com/outdoors/articles/15-tips-for-coaching-your-own-child
Clarke, M. (2016). 6 tips for coaching your own child. Retrieved from:
http://www.active.com/outdoors/articles/6-tips-for-coaching-your-own-child
Cumming, S. P., & Ewing, M. E. (2002). Parental involvement in youth sports: The good, the bad and
the ugly. Spotlight on Youth Sports, 26(1), 1-5.
Dure, B. (2015) Brainstorming a coaching curriculum for parent coaches. Retrieved from:
http://www.soccerwire.com/news/clubs/youth-boys/dure-brainstorming-a-coaching-curriculum-
for-parent-coaches/
Lauer, L. (2016). Should I Coach my Child? Retrieved from:
http://www.appliedsportpsych.org/resource-center/resources-for-parents/should-i-coach-my-
child/
LeBolt, W. (2016). Ten reasons you shouldn’t coach your own kid, and what to do if you absolutely
must. Retrieved from: http://www.soccerwire.com/blog-posts/ten-reasons-you-should-never-
coach-your-own-kid-and-what-to-do-when-you-absolutely-must/
National Alliance for Youth Sports (NAYS) & Bach, G. (2016). Balancing Parenting and Coaching.
Retrieved from: http://www.dummies.com/sports/soccer/balancing-parenting-and-coaching/
National Youth Sports Coaches Association (NYSCA 2016). Retrieved from:
https://www.nays.org/coaches/
Scandiffio, S. (2015). 7 benefits of coaching your child’s team. Retrieved from:
http://activeforlife.com/coaching-your-childs-team/
Spiker, T. (2013). A Father's Playbook. Retrieved from: http://www.menshealth.com/best-
life/coaching-your-childs-sports-team
Vallerand, R. J., Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1987). Intrinsic motivation in sport. In K. Pandolf (Ed.),
Exercise and sport science reviews, (pp. 389-425). New York: MacMillan.
Weiss, M. R., & Fretwell, S. D. (2005). The parent-coach/child-athlete relationship in youth sport:
Cordial, contentious, or conundrum?. Research Quarterly for Exercise and Sport, 76(3), 286-
305.
Wrestle Club (2016). Reasons why wrestling parents should not coach their own child. Retrieved from:
http://wrestleclub.com/6-reasons-why-wrestling-parents-should-not-coach-their-own-child/
If you have a particular topic that you would like the YDI staff to
address or have comments about this research brief email us at
ydi@tamu.edu. See other Sequor YDI research briefs and other
materials at ydi.tamu.edu
ResearchGate has not been able to resolve any citations for this publication.
Article
The roles of coach and parent are often synonymous in youth sport, but little data-based research has been conducted on the parent-coach/child-athlete relationship. Six boys in U-12 competitive soccer were interviewed regarding positive and negative aspects about playing for their father-coach. Similar questions were posed to father-coaches and two teammates. Inductive content analysis indicated that, among the benefits, sons identified perks, praise, technical instruction, understanding of ability level, insider information, involvement in decision making, special attention, quality time, and motivation. Costs of being coached by one's father included negative emotional responses, pressure/expectations, conflict, lack of understanding/empathy, criticism for mistakes, and unfair behavior. For father-coaches, positive themes included taking pride in son's achievements, reason for coaching, positive social interactions, opportunity to teach skills and values, enjoying coaching son, and quality time. Negatives included inability to separate parent-child from coach-player role, placing greater expectations and pressure on son, and showing differential attention toward son. While teammates perceived some favoritism by the parent-coach, they cited mostly positive instructional experiences. Results are discussed within motivational theories that highlight the influence of significant adults on children's psychosocial development in the physical domain.
Brainstorming a coaching curriculum for parent coaches
  • B Dure
Dure, B. (2015) Brainstorming a coaching curriculum for parent coaches. Retrieved from: http://www.soccerwire.com/news/clubs/youth-boys/dure-brainstorming-a-coaching-curriculumfor-parent-coaches/
Balancing Parenting and Coaching Retrieved from: http://www.dummies.com/sports/soccer/balancing-parenting-and-coaching/ National Youth Sports Coaches Association Retrieved from: https://www.nays.org 7 benefits of coaching your child's team. Retrieved from
  • Nays Bach
  • G Scandiffio
National Alliance for Youth Sports (NAYS) & Bach, G. (2016). Balancing Parenting and Coaching. Retrieved from: http://www.dummies.com/sports/soccer/balancing-parenting-and-coaching/ National Youth Sports Coaches Association (NYSCA 2016). Retrieved from: https://www.nays.org/coaches/ Scandiffio, S. (2015). 7 benefits of coaching your child's team. Retrieved from: http://activeforlife.com/coaching-your-childs-team/
15 tips for coaching your own child
  • Active
  • Com
Active.Com (2016). 15 tips for coaching your own child. Retrieved from: http://www.active.com/outdoors/articles/15-tips-for-coaching-your-own-child
Reasons why wrestling parents should not coach their own child Retrieved from: http://wrestleclub.com/6-reasons-why-wrestling-parents-should-not-coach-their-own-child
Wrestle Club (2016). Reasons why wrestling parents should not coach their own child. Retrieved from: http://wrestleclub.com/6-reasons-why-wrestling-parents-should-not-coach-their-own-child/
A Father's Playbook Retrieved from: http://www.menshealth.com/best- life/coaching-your-childs-sports-team Vallerand, R Intrinsic motivation in sport
  • T J Spiker
  • E L Deci
  • R M Ryan
Spiker, T. (2013). A Father's Playbook. Retrieved from: http://www.menshealth.com/best- life/coaching-your-childs-sports-team Vallerand, R. J., Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1987). Intrinsic motivation in sport. In K. Pandolf (Ed.), Exercise and sport science reviews, (pp. 389-425). New York: MacMillan.
Ten reasons you shouldn't coach your own kid, and what to do if you absolutely must Retrieved from: http://www.soccerwire.com/blog-posts/ten-reasons-you-should-never- coach-your-own-kid-and-what-to-do-when-you-absolutely-must
  • W Lebolt
LeBolt, W. (2016). Ten reasons you shouldn't coach your own kid, and what to do if you absolutely must. Retrieved from: http://www.soccerwire.com/blog-posts/ten-reasons-you-should-never- coach-your-own-kid-and-what-to-do-when-you-absolutely-must/
Should I Coach my Child?
  • L Lauer
Lauer, L. (2016). Should I Coach my Child? Retrieved from: http://www.appliedsportpsych.org/resource-center/resources-for-parents/should-i-coach-mychild/
6 tips for coaching your own child
  • M Clarke
Clarke, M. (2016). 6 tips for coaching your own child. Retrieved from: http://www.active.com/outdoors/articles/6-tips-for-coaching-your-own-child