Factors Affecting Reconciliation Between the Child and Target Parent in Severe Parental Alienation Syndrome

Abstract

FACTORS AFFECTING RECONCILIATION BETWEEN THE CHILD AND TARGET PARENT IN SEVERE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME
Deirdre Conway Rand and Randy Rand

OVERVIEW & INTRODUCTION

This chapter explores factors affecting reconciliation between the child and target parent in severe parental alienation syndrome (PAS), where the parent-child relationship has been seriously damaged or destroyed. “Severe” includes several types of scenarios: child obsessed with denigrating the target parent; child displaying chaotic, destructive and bizarre behavior in response to intense post-divorce conflict over which parent will stay and which parent will go; child abducted by the alienating parent; child involved in false allegations of sex abuse; little or no contact with the target parent for a period of several years or more.

Alienation is the process by which the child’s love for the other parent is extinguished and replaced by an attitude of reflexive hostility. Reconciliation is the process of reversing alienation and becoming open to the relationship once more.
Some severely alienated children eventually seek out the target parent on their own and are able to reconcile, but little is known about how often this occurs. Gardner (2001b) conducted a follow-up study of 99 PAS children in which spontaneous reconciliation appears to have occurred in four of 77 cases, or 5 percent. Stuart-Mills-Hoch & Hoch (2003) estimated that spontaneous reconciliation occurred in 10 percent of severe PAS cases. This chapter provides numerous case examples with this type of positive outcome, as well as descriptions of failed reconciliation attempts, and worst-case scenarios.
Case reports from published sources, and from our own work over the last 30 years are used to explore the factors associated with reconciliation of the child and target parent in severe PAS. The published cases were drawn from the professional and popular literature, including books, articles in journals and magazines, and newsletters of non-profit organizations. The vignettes designated "case known to authors" are based on the accounts of parents, children, and colleagues we have encountered over the years. They were disguised in accordance with the Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association (2001).
In the 1970s, we were fortunate enough to interface professionally with Wallerstein, Kelly, and Johnston, as their research on children of divorce was getting underway in Marin County, California. This exposure stimulated our interest in high-conflict divorce and interventions that enable children to have relationships with both parents. We learned about parental alienation in the 1980s, when Gardner began writing about PAS. In the 1990s, interventions with severe PAS families became a focal point of our work. The reunification protocol we follow involves the whole family, including the alienating parent. Children who have successfully reconciled with the target parent after participating in our brief, intensive intervention (4 days on average), typically feel that the alienating parent would benefit from the program as well. It all comes back to the idea that children of divorce, like children in intact families, need both parents.

Full text

FACTORS AFFECTING RECONCILIATION BETWEEN
THE CHILD AND TARGET PARENT


OVERVIEW
This chapter utilizes case vignettes from published sources and the experience of the authors to
explore factors affecting spontaneous reconciliation between the child and target parent in
severe Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). Factors which facilitated reconciliation included
maturity, emancipation from the alienating parent and living apart for awhile, pre alienation
bond with the target parent, alienating parent’s anger, trigger events such as a death in the
family, and support of family and friends for parent and child to reunite. The parent-child bond
was found to be quite resilient in some cases, with the initial reconciliation occurring in a matter
of weeks, despite years of alienation. The desire of parent and child for the relationship, and
the effort they were willing to put into rebuilding it, were essential.
INTRODUCTION
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:  ;     "   2
"  #      "  "  "      !    
        #   9  "
      */<.   ,    "  #     8   *//.
          " +#    "
 "# 
 ""              "   
= "
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#  8+ +
 #
MATURATION AND RECONCILIATION
>
#                          
   "
:+ *//*#2" 
#
8 ""
#"
"+"#? 
"# 
"#8
             "            
"""+""#  8
                  
"# 
@""#
"
+#,*//<
"
#  A+ 
"@"A+ !
5

### # 8A+B" "
#
TRIGGER EVENTS
"
 " )"   "#
"&"'6
'"" 
# 
 "9+ -...#  ? 
     "                 *<!!    
    
C-0 , -..*#
RECONCILIATION IN ADULTHOOD
8 
#     ?-.        
"#" 
" @"#    "  !       " @"
 #      "+ #  
 "      "    +  "  "
 "  "#
D+B+
@""#"
=

" -..*# "
"# "
"#$88+"E3 
""#)>""
# "7D+ "### */// #F#
      +    "          "    "  
      :+B      9 4  A+
*/</#" 
# 8 :+"
#   3  ":+
#     "  -. :+B"#
:+""
)#3 "
#
        7       A7
" 
-.=0#
"=.#  A+ "
=.7""7
# -- A+  ### #  "  !
@"#
1

WORST-CASE SCENARIOS
    77  +
"#" 
"#3 #  "
                          
"# 8"""#8
! + #
9      ""     
" ""A+ !###
-..1' D+  -..*'    *//*'  G"  *//-#          
""+
#"*0 $H 8
"#8# 8) "8
I"J7 *//* #-.5#"+
#G""
6+*<#D+*0!!"
          "       #    "  
" 6""+#A+ 
"+""
"B"# "
 ""@""#
9   "  
"" 
F

-...';4 *//0' *//*'9+ -..5#
#
""""
" +  "      !!
" +6" 
""
""
 "# " 
  "       "B 6"  
              "   ; 4
 *//0 #**!*-#
8+" "!
""# "#
                  "#         
B #8" 
+#,-..*"
#""
#H$#%
9+"
#3 
""#
-... "
0

# !""""
+ #
?          +
" +#
PROS AND CONS OF "LETTING NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE"
"+77"
"       
"#!7"
+"#7
""*//* ,-..* -..1
   
#("""
# 3 "
" #
9"""+
"9 -...#79
"###+"6"
+"7##"
#3 9B
! 77
94: */<.'9-...#
A+"A+ !
### #  6""
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       " #    ?    "
  " K    #   ?   "  "
    #                  #    3      -<
#
    6#   A+ 
""
#(
     #   >"      
#
9B"!77 7>
IJ""7
9 -... #**F#  8""@"" #  
9 "H 
"""#HB
""
#A+B"" 
0=0A+ 
L"### -..1#
       " 9B #    6  #
2"+"6 "
#7H"+"7"#L
" "
#"&
/

28"#?"
"#8
#9+ 
""#9 */// #-#
MAINTAINING CONTACT
       "                  
 77
H4? -..*'"4: -..*#":"
776
  "
#" "
@"7
#7
" :" 78 " 
7#5*5#@" "
M"!2!343-..5 
77""+
           "    
6"#A" 
" think "
  6"
""#*5#
*.

""@" 
2" ")" 8)"+"
"# N""O>
")" 8)"""+
#*5#
          G"      -..*      
  
"#8"+ "
"" # 2 A+B
" "          A+
 #
A+B"
" "( "
""  
     A+   !
### # 26#+
+     "  
B# 8" +  
 """" 
6#

LITERATURE REVIEW
Professional Literature
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    "    "    "    !
# @"$%
)"+94: */<.'
, */</';4 *//0# 2"
" ""+ (  
"9#
,-..*""
+"#
,"""
"#3"
L,( """#
8,)            
" "+
"#
A+       #    "
 =." 
   (           
"      A+  +  ###  -..1#    
"6"
"# 
" "# 
 A+B"6(
"6 "B
*-

  #"
A+(B" 
;B77; -..5#
8( A+**
   "         "  (  
&*"'-"
'  5              '  =    
"'1'F'0'<
   ' /            ' *.   "  
'**#
)
# ,-..*
"!""//7""?
GK  9      M7              "
     "#   8           "  K 
)"#   8 "+77$
%#"
"#  ?" 
$% /*!"#
  ""
C-0 C-< C<1 C/F#
   -..1  "   !" "   =1      :+)
      "  "    #     "          "
*5

" "
"#              "  "&   "  
  "# B6" 
"!"#
 "-.   
 "# 
""# "

     "        77        
9+ -..*'A+ -..1#
D""!"# 8
""" 
# "
""  "" 
#
""1**#
" 
             "          
!"#?" 
"        "#        
"   "  #  ?
       "          !"#
*=

    "  "        
#
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+""" Icebound
>4G -..*Lost Children -...#   > 
  "
"""#+6"
##
"#> !
"""#    3
"@""#
Lost Children "
-- 
"#+
#"@""!" 
"""#
Voice of the River ""26"*/<0
"L"+#"
#3""
"#
"""(#
D+)       Ladies Home Journal  -..*#
Reader’s Digest"""
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       -..-#  Coup de Pouce  D! (
"! " ) + 
"G" *//-#"
#""#+
) #               
"#  "+
 + +"# 8
"#
;) 72D:: 7" Parents Magazine
 -...##
" 
#36# "
      "  "   !     "      #
 "#  *F*5
+"#
D+  "!
  The Link  "   "    "     !
#   "H ")) D+  "B
 *///#        "     "      
 "   +#  "   
" #
  ADVO Newsletter  "    $)  H+    8  2  
 %   "   " 
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"7+""### 7-..*# )
"G?#$+""
O 6"+"" 
""7#=#
       " 
#DB " """ 
 "B#
2A)   "    FMS Foundation Newsletter A4A
-..* "7?)
6"### 7-..*#
">2
L### -..1#
8  */<*  F!!    "   +    "
#  3+"
"###-..5 2###
!""### 
  >2LB !+
""###2-.B" 
"#
 "B       #    9      
 #
A:"B"" "A>
 "+3" *//<# "
*0

"#9
-. #3 
#
2  )  "                
 #
     *///            #    3  
@""#  "
#  7+
""I"J#7 "
 +#   A*F *0  "  
"  "    "#
     
"#
ALIENATED CHILDREN WHO CHOSE TO
LIVE WITH THE TARGET PARENT IN ADOLESCENCE
Case Examples From the Literature
 RichBrian,
                @"      "
D*F4*0  -..1#8 "
        #           
#"
*<

#  36 "6
!#!" ++"
# A+,L!"# :&
'"!
'B"'
#
Dave        "      
"B"
C-0 , -..*#*< 
B "@"
#B"C-<#:
&   "'  B  (          +      '  
KB@"'B++6"
#
Case Examples Known to the Authors
Steve""#
9! +(#3
#"
  "     ) "   #    3    
)#    
#  :& KB
'        "  +'        '  "    B
#
*/

JoAnn's "  " " 
 #;/
#+ 
     "    "#     ;    "       
#  3"#  3 
#:&B(
'B"''
"#
Helen's "#+"
##
3    "    3B    #   3            
"#*0 3#
+3+#3
"#:& 
'"+
'3B"
3B#
Tim "#  "
"#"
 "#
##*F 
+# 
B )"# 3"
-.

#3 B#
#  3 """#  3
      #    :  &   "'  B        
'"'#
CHILDREN WHO EMANCIPATED
AND SOUGHT TO RECONCILE SOON AFTER
Case Examples From the Literature
Larry+ 
"9 -...# "
#  3 "   "       "   #
9  H          +          6  #     H
""*/ *-
       #   : &   6 H'
"'*-'BHB
"#
CecilieD+""#  
*F ""#+
#"*< "
6# 
   "               #
2 "B   "    "  "#  
""# 728
-*

#   " 8  8B
"7D+ "### */// #0#:&"
'""''
""'"
"#
IreneC
/F , -..*#" "#
 "     "      #     
""  #   8      "    
B# "
#  
 8(
# 9*< #  :
&"'B'
'B#
Case Examples Known to the Authors
9 Ron        6    
"#37#7#
#9*< "
"# #"
 #:&"'
    B    "'            "'  B
' "#
--

Vincent's 
   7  7         #   8    G  " 
6 "#6"
G##
D""#"
 !#   D    #   G  
"+#3
          #    :  &           
'        "    '  G        
"#
RECONCILIATION IN THE TWENTIES AND BEYOND
Case Examples From the Literature
Aric"" ### -..1#
3#"+
>2>2L#9" >2L
"B"
#   >2L         !
"#   B         #      ( 
# A
+"""#  "
+        #  :&
K"''
-5

              '      ('  >2LB    
"'"#
Pete        "  
D*.  -..1#"6 ""
"#""#"
"
#             
#  D      #  :
&K"'"'
""' #
Marjory "*/<0#
 B#26B
26#  26#  3
""#3(
26B"#"26
" #    3              
D#   26 B      <=#   : &   
K" "  '    ""'
B        7'7    "      "      '
(
Maxine "  "  
A4A -..*#9")
" 2 
-=

#2"
#2+""(#
 "  "    "#  9
"     "     2 "  (    
     "  #    " "    B
"          2       "
"#    L " 2  $8  
+"8"#/#%:&2
  B    '  "    2B  "      
'B#
Greg"*1 
?)6"### -..*#   D*< ,#
3  " " ""#    
B#3+
#!++"#
+#:&KB'
"'"'
"#
Denise's  "          
    ,  *//<#    A        "    6  "      
"#3
7  #7   8    !   "            
, *//<(
-1

   #                        + 
#    "
#:&  '
""''"
"#
Case Examples Known to the Authors
Liz's  "
*=#   " H(" "
"#H(B
"# "6"
H(B1.#   "H(
 ""#H(@"
"""#H(""#
9H( 
B+""#  H(
( " +         #   :
&  H(""'
""'(B"
 '""#
Wayne "#3 
#9H"#3
"+"#9+"
" "!"# 
-F

       #          
"#       9    P5 ...#           
#9B
  #   : &    6"   B  '
'"
#
9 Bea's  A "
# +""
#  A"
"#?""#A
)# A
#   $8 E8    )"" %  A
#$8(#%A""
"#:&"'B'
"'""'"#
Frank" 
 (#D+-.
"     #   3   "      
+&
D8" 8+
8"#8
      "                
" #>!"#8(8)
-0

+ 2"
  # 8)"82)
#
:&"'("'D+B
!'"#
Ed’s                           
 #    +  "#
  "#L "
#D 
"#"#L+"
#3+
"" "#:&
"' " '  +
#
Sylvia's  "  "    "   "  
77#D "
#3"
 #  )
 +#
! ""#B"
"##
Q# B
#    3  "   "       #   : &
-<

  KB  '        "'      
"'(''"B
"B#
DISCUSSION
Factors for Children who Reconciled in Adolescence
D    
    "&     '     " 
''"'(
"'
            !         '
'  A'                #    3B      
""
#
8                    
 # 
"    "  +B6#    8  
 B
B
#
Children who Emancipated and Reconciled Soon After
                      
"&"'""
'B'6
-/

''
' "  "'  
B"'"
'"'""*-
#
L+"
""#  8 
"""+
    *F#   D8    B  
""#B+
" "      "    "             
#GB" "G"
"" 
#
HB""6
 #   H"  "
"#*/ 6*- 
"H""+#
Children who Reconciled in Their Twenties and Beyond
"" 
#D""'""
  ' "   "  '
  "'  
5.

        '  ""          '
('+""("B
  BB'  K
   '   +"   
'"'
"#
D    "&    "   ' 
6 '"
"''
""#
D          "&    "      "'  B
  "  !  '       
"'+B"'B
 "' "
B""#
""&B
B''+
''"
77"'B"
'B'
" "  +  @"" 
''
5*

"+' 
#
CONCLUSION
8" )           
       #         "     
    #       !        @"        #
"
#    $8 8)+"
 ""#%
8                        
   " #  "
" +""
-.#=.#8
 
""#
8A,BA+" -< ,"
+" 
       "  !!
#3The Love of a Parent
for a Child , */0.#R "
+#
 $:"
#"#%
5-

REFERENCES
A+ #;#-..1#L"#8#;#A+
Adult children of parental alienation: The ties that bind children to emotionally abusive parents #
2"""#
A+ #;#-..1#  !"& 
@""#American Journal of Family Therapy 55= -</!5.-#S
A+ #;##&@"""
#American Journal of Family Therapy#
A+  #;#  -..1#    (    "  #   8  #;#  A+ Adult
children of parental alienation: The ties that bind children to emotionally abusive parents#
2"""#
A 2# 4A# A#-..* K?#2#False Memory Syndrome
Foundation Newsletter *.1 /#
 # 4 A#*//*#Children held hostage: Dealing with programmed and
brainwashed children#&A#
 2#*///#8 "I2#=/0J#  2
T&KK!+U"#V#
 #-...). Lost children: A guide for separating parents#H&G,
"#
" 2# #  */<0# Voice of the river: An autobiography with John Rothchild#
 DH&#
D+ #*/// K"#"&2#The Link - F!0#
D+ #*/// K"#")#The Link - 5#
D+ #-..* #"#The Link = *!-#
, ##*/0.#The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce#> >;&;
8#
, ##*/</#  Family evaluation in child custody mediation, arbitration, and
litigation#+ >;&"#
55

, ##-..*##8##, Therapeutic
interventions for children with parental alienation syndrome#    +  >;&   
"#
,  #  #  -..*#   "  "          K    
M!""#American Journal of Forensic Psychology /5 F*!*.F#
, # 2##  *//<#      2      &
9")#8,#DL#  The Mother-
daughter relationship: Echoes through time#-.0!--1#> >;&; 8#
3" H#*//<#L" +#A
> T&KK#A>L9#V#
; ;#-..5#6&"
#Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law 5* *1<!*0.#
; ;# 4 H#*/<<#Impasses of divorce: The dynamics and resolution
of family conflict#>N+&D 2 8#
; ;# 4 G#*//0#In the name of the child: A developmental approach
to understanding and helping children of conflicted and violent divorce#>N+&D#
:+ H#*//*# Parental alienation syndrome: recent research#
*1"" : #
H 2# 4  ?  >#-..*#   "   
"#Family Court Review 5/5 -<-!-/<#
>2  L # Search for and recovery of Aric
Austin#    ;"  -/  -..1  
T&KK#+#K+KKM
H""WXR48W*FF.V#
> ;# 4G 2#-..*#Icebound: A doctor’s incredible battle for survival at
the South Pole#>N+&3#
?)6"*<#-..* >K# False
Memory Syndrome Foundation Newsletter *.F *.!**#
Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association D  ##  -..*#
9##&#
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  #    #  4 :+  H#  -..1#     "     
  888&   :+ !" "# American Journal of Forensic Psychology
-5* *1!=5#
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+""#-..* #ADVO Newsletter *!=#
 2#-..- #A "#Reader’s Digest **/!*-=#
 ;#-... #2++#Parents *F0!*05#
 ;#*//*##Issues in Child Abuse Accusations 
5= -.5#
 2#-..* ""#:#Ladies’ Home Journal **=!*1*#
"!2!3 # 43 #-..5#""
    #  89#  (+ 4  # : L# The Parental Alienation
Syndrome: A interdisciplinary challenge for professionals involved in divorce # -15!-FF#
A ,&A9G!G"9A"#
" 2# 4: ;#-..*#H
#Family Court Review 5/5 -//!5*1#
G"  #  4    ,#  -..*#       )      
#American Journal of Family Therapy -/ *<*!*/*#
G" ;#*//- ?#D"&D""
 I9  & ?  + J#  Coup de
Pouce Magazine *.5!*.0#
9 ;# 4A+ #*/</# Second chances: Men, women and children a
decade after divorce#>N+&3"2#
9 ;# 4: ;#*/<.#  Surviving the breakup: How children and parents
cope with divorce#>N+&AA+ 8# "#
9 ;# H ;# 4A+ #-...# The unexpected legacy of divorce: A
25 year landmark study#>N+&3#
9+ #-...##American
Journal of Family Therapy -< --/!-=*#
9+ #-..*#Divorce poison: Protecting the parent-child bond from a vindictive
ex#>N+&3"#
51

9+ #-..5#A&+"
#Family Law Quarterly 50- -05!5.*#
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