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Single Mothers by Choice
in Spain and the United
States
ROSANNA HERTZ
Wellesley College, USA
ANA MARÍA RIVAS and MARÍA ISABEL RUBIO
JOCILES
Universidad Complutense de Madrid, Spain
is entry focuses on single mothers by
choice who self-identify as proactively
deciding to become single mothers without
partners.esewomen,whoarenotteen
mothers but are older, in their late twenties to
their forties, are creating what scholars refer
to as “new families.” Exact numbers of single
mothers by choice (SMC) are not known, but
organizations of such women exist in many
countries. However, these single-parent fam-
ilies are part of one of the strongest trends in
family life since the mid-1990s in the United
States and since 2004 in Spain: the rise in
single-parent families through nonmarital
childbearing. e United States and Spain
reect this trend and oer an interesting
comparison. Among women who become
single parents are also women who choose to
adopt. We do not know what percentage of
adoptions in either country are single-parent
adoptions. Spanish single mothers are more
vocal and political about changing the cul-
tural views that children who are not raised
in the traditional nuclear family are disad-
vantaged. In contrast, US single mothers by
choice shy away from political activism and
prefer to blend in as middle-class citizens.
e authors of this entry have conducted
in-depth interviews with single mothers
by choice in separate research projects in
e Wiley Blackwell Encyclopedia of Family Studies, First Edition. Edited by Constance L. Shehan.
© 2016 John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Published 2016 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
DOI: 10.1002/9781119085621.wbefs005
the United States and in Spain. Since there
has been limited research on these single
mothers, many of the trends discussed here
are a collaborative eort to understand the
similarities and dierences from these sep-
arate research projects. (See Hertz 1999;
2006; Jociles and Rivas 2010; Jociles, Rivas,
and Poveda 2012; Poveda, Jociles, and Rivas
2013.)
When married heterosexual couples decide
to have a baby, the majority engage in the act
of intercourse. By contrast, becoming a single
mother entails navigating the biopolitics of
reproduction, which have dierent pathways
depending on whether women give birth
to or adopt a child. Both of these routes
typically involve external institutions that are
engaged in the business of helping people
create families, including biomedical pro-
cedures at clinics for birthing children and
bureaucratic legal documents for adoption.
A series of professionals (from social workers
to lawyers) are key participants attached to
these institutions. Single mothers by choice
experience a complex, oen stressful, process
because it entails interaction with sociocul-
tural norms and institutional regulations
that once reserved parenthood only for het-
erosexual couples. In short, women in both
countries go through similar experiences
as they encounter various obstacles in their
pursuit to become mothers.
Single mothers by choice, who tend to be
middle class, have decided they will have
children on their own because they have not
found a partner to marry or to parent with.
e rst wave of SMCs, who had children
on their own in the 1990s, were oen likely
to postpone motherhood even as they aged
and their fertility declined. ey continued
gambling that they could personally beat
2SINGLE MOTHERS BY CHOICE IN SPAIN AND THE UNITED STATES
the fertility odds, especially because of the
greater social stigma at the time of having
children outside marriage. e social stigma
of middle-class single motherhood has since
declined, but there has also been new medical
evidence that it may be dicult to achieve
a pregnancy aer the age of 35. As a result,
younger women are pursuing motherhood
on their own at an earlier age than the women
whobecamesinglemothersageneration
earlier. Women who adopt children – both
domestically and internationally – face age
eligibility restrictions set by adoption agen-
cies or even other countries that restrict
adoption by older people. e major routes
to motherhood are through assisted repro-
duction using a known or anonymous donor,
adoption, and/or intercourse (sometimes
chancing pregnancy through unprotected
sex). Women in the United States are not
trying to be revolutionaries and just want to
be mothers, whereas in Spain SMCs want to
vindicate their right to be parents, with the
objective of normalizing their family project.
Women who opt for anonymous donors
select their donor from sperm banks on the
basis of paper proles, audio tapes, and some-
times photos. While other countries (such as
theUnitedKingdom,theNetherlands,Swe-
den, Norway, Finland, Switzerland, Austria,
New Zealand, and certain Australian states)
ban anonymous donors (which means that
children born to women who used sperm
donations will be able to contact the donor
when they are 18), the United States does not
regulate the donor system. In Spain, the law
requires donor anonymity, but the number of
children born from the donation of a single
manis,theoretically,limitedtosix.esame
law provides for the creation of a national
donor registry but, as of early 2015, this has
not been implemented.
e women who choose this route to
motherhood know that their children will
not likely meet the donor. But today it is
possible to meet donor siblings, children
who share the same donor through various
Internet registries that connect these families.
Known donors – who usually sign contracts
saying that they will have no legal right to the
child–oenknowthechildandmayhave
a relationship with the child like that of an
uncle. Single mothers who adopt children
internationally are subject to the laws of other
countries which can prohibit single mothers
from adopting. Each country can decide to
change their marital status requirements at
any time. Women who become SMCs by hav-
ing intercourse can oen control the access
the man has to the children. Oen the legal
system steps in to handle disputes between
the biological parents if the man wants to
participate fully in the child’s life.
Single mothers by choice oen make
eorts to integrate their female-centered
families into a patriarchal society by bringing
men into contact with their children and
negotiating issues of gender as they parent.
Women act as kin ke e p e r s , regulators of
contact and intimacy, in relation to both their
own families and, for those who chanced
pregnancy, the father of their child. e
male kin of the mother oen play an active
role in the children’s lives. In the United
States there are specic programs such as Big
Brothers which match boys with men who
volunteer to become mentors. Women also
nd other opportunities for their daughters
and sons to be with men – including male
teachers, coaches, and babysitters and men
who interact with their children in other
extracurricular activities.
In Spain, the interests of SMCs tend to
focus more on the social acknowledgment of
family diversity. ese mothers socialize their
children within a dierent kind of family,
in which the gure of the father does not
exist; they do not feel that the father gure is
necessary as a masculine point of reference.
Despite the fact that experts and professionals
SINGLE MOTHERS BY CHOICE IN SPAIN AND THE UNITED STATES 3
proclaim the need for a masculine reference,
an idea that is also widespread in their family
contexts, SMCs hold that, if the children need
this reference, they can nd it in the context
of their daily lives, in their mother’s male
friends,andinmalerelativessuchasuncles
and grandfathers.
In their attempts to strike a balance
between work and family responsibilities,
many SMCs trade o job advancement and
cut back on their work hours in order to be
out of the oce by dinner time. Hertz (1999)
foundthatthosewhoworkedintop-paying
jobs oen nance their own family time.
Since the United States does not have paid
maternityleave,womenwhohavewaitedand
thought a long time about becoming mothers
on their own oen take extended maternity
leave. ey have consciously set aside sav-
ings for years to allow them to be with their
childwithouthavingtodowngradetheir
lifestyle. When their savings run low, they
return to work. Certain professional skills
sometimes allow women who work in larger
organizations to arrange various kinds of ex-
ible work hours. Women who work in service
jobsareoenemployedinseveralpart-time
jobs or in a full-time job without benets.
When their child is born, these women try
to nd one job with benets (medical, child
care, maternity leave). ey do not want to
slip down the economic ladder, which goes
against the grain of their values and their
goal to remain in the middle class. However,
with only one pair of hands, women place
their families at center stage. When they do
go back to work, in both countries day care
is particularly important because the child
care providers become their close partners in
childrearing, and later teachers.
In order to try to balance work and fam-
ily, SMCs look to their broader kin and
friendship networks to help them raise their
children. ey want their friends and family
(especially grandparents) to be witnesses to
theirchild’slife,tooeradditionaladultrole
models, and to develop special relationships
with their child. SMCs oen report that they
have single friends who want an emotional
bond with their child. Time with the child is
a “gi” that goes beyond typical relationships
of strict reciprocity. Women also form baby
groups whose members act like traditional
neighborhoods and will watch the child for
short periods of time, oen aer work or at
weekends, to give the mother some relief. In
theworkingandmiddleclasses,grandparents
also become critical players. Some may move
in to help out for a period of time, while those
wholiveintheareaareespeciallyimportant
to mothers who work nonstandard hours.
In the Spanish case (Jociles, Rivas, and
Poveda 2012), it was found that SMCs take
the step of initiating their family project
by trying to get a job and a work schedule
that will allow them to raise their children.
By doing this, they are safeguarding their
autonomy in relation to their family and
social networks, although this does not mean
that they dispense with these networks, which
play an important role in their lives. ey
also form online communities that provide
mutual support groups for child care.
In the United States, the Single Mothers by
Choice organization has online chat groups
on subjects such as planning to become a
single mother; trying to conceive or adopt;
pregnancy; nances; household and con-
sumer issues; parenting an infant, toddler,
school-age child, or a child in middle or high
school; and many others. At certain stages
these groups in both Spain and the United
States are helpful to single mothers who are
looking for answers to questions that are
unique to them. ey join for both practical
and emotional support and to feel connected
to others who understand the issues that con-
cern them: how to help the child understand
their story; dating while being an SMC; how
to talk to day care people, school sta, and so
4SINGLE MOTHERS BY CHOICE IN SPAIN AND THE UNITED STATES
on, who may not understand the dierences
betweenanSMCfamilyandadivorcedfam-
ily; and/or how to deal with the reactions of
family members to the woman’s decision to
become an SMC.
In Spain, SMCs, at both the individual and
thecollectivelevel,areparticularlyinterested
in normalizing their family model and giving
it visibility. ey frequently participate in
interviews and programs on the radio and
televisionandinthepresstodisseminate
knowledge about this model. ey oer
to discuss the characteristics of this model
with their children’s teachers and school-
mates. ey suggest alternatives to school
projects that involve genealogical trees as
a way of representing children’s families.
ey take advantage of any opportunity that
presents itself to demand social and political
recognition for their families.
By contrast, in the United States SMCs
typically do not want to have to defend their
family structure or choice. e media are
sympathetic but oen fail to recognize the
distinction between poor or teen mothers
and those who are nancially self-sucient.
SMCs typically do not feel that they lack the
ability to provide for their children either
sociallyoremotionally.IntheUnitedStates,
single mothers are not politically involved in
claims about family diversity, oen preferring
toblendinwiththeirlocalcommunities.
In Spain, SMCs oen belong to associations
that engage in political protests. One of these
is the Asociación de Madres Solteras por
Elección (Association of Single Mothers by
Choice) which has, at present, over 300 mem-
bers. It is one of the platforms that include
nonconventional families. In recent years,
these women have participated in actions
to gain recognition and the same rights and
economic benets that the state provides
for large families in an attempt to achieve a
specic law for single-parent families. ey
have also supported a campaign in favor of
“egalitarian marriage” promoted by same-sex
family associations, with the objective of
making family diversity visible in Spain.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Nancy Konvalinka collaborated in the trans-
lation of this entry from Spanish to English.
SEE ALSO: ChildCareintheUnitedStates;
Donors and Donor Siblings; Fictive Kin;
Maternal Employment; Single Parenthood;
Social Fathers; Spain, Families in
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FURTHER READING
Bock, Jane D. 2000. “Doing the Right ing? Sin-
gle Mothers by Choice and the Struggle for
SINGLE MOTHERS BY CHOICE IN SPAIN AND THE UNITED STATES 5
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