Enlightened women and polygamy: Voices and perspectives from within

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Enlightened women and polygamy: Voices and perspectives from within
ABSTRACT
Within the prevalent patriarchal system, polygamy and ilobolo are deeply-rooted practices
that still endure and are considered vital within African cultures. The customs, however, have
gender and power implication at times, where polygamy causes anguish for women when
men consider them ‘paid for’ or ‘bought commodities’, not deserving to be treated with
respect. Traditional men have championed polygamy in terms of ‘tradition and culture’ but a
cursory observation suggests that it is currently also being embraced by women who seem to
marry into these unions freely. By extension, it would seem that some first wives do not find
it a problem when their husbands inform them of their intention to take second and
subsequent wives. Even in arranged marriages certain women seem content to enter into a
polygamous union because they will be answering the call of duty (Mkhize, 2011). This
article reports on a study that was conducted at a semi-urban township of Hammarsdale in
KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa between 2009 and 2011 using qualitative research
methodology. The aim of the study was to explore why middle-class educated and employed
women enter or even stay in these matrimonial arrangements. The study differed from any
previous studies in that it focused on financially independent women; a crucial point which
eliminated one of the main assumptions that women enter into such unions for financial and
or material gain and or support. Moreover previous studies had focused on rural women who
were mainly housewives entirely dependent on their husbands for their livelihoods. The
findings of the study revealed that women entered such unions for numerous reasons,
amongst them, love, family, societal pressures as well as desperation to have a higher social
standing in the community than being a single woman. It is concluded that most of these
women were influenced by society into being married regardless of the type of marriage they
wanted.
Keywords: polygyny, polygamy, ilobolo, tradition, culture, patriarchy, gender, power, social
phenomenon
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INTRODUCTION
Polygamy, a practice whereby a person is married to more than one spouse at a time, is a
custom that has stood the test of time in most African societies. In principle there are three
forms of polygamy: polygyny in which a man is married to several wives, polyandry where a
woman is married to more than one husband and group marriage which is a combination of
polygyny and polyandry where several husbands are married to several wives and vice versa
(Zietzen, 2008:3). In this study which focuses on men marrying more than one wife and
because most authors use the term polygamy to refer to this kind of marriage plan we will be
using the terms polygyny and polygamy interchangeably to mean the same thing. Polygamy
is a multifaceted topic to explore since there are many issues intrinsically linked to it. In
recent years this subject has become very relevant, visible and controversial in South Africa
and the public has been vociferous about it. The situation might have been sparked by the
country’s President, Jacob Zuma, who is an overt polygamist and whose wives rely on the
national budget, hence public taxes. What makes the issue even more complex is the fact that
religion, culture and law are amongst some of the entities used to either endorse or shun the
practice. Those who support the custom perceive it as one way of conserving culture while
those against it cite the question of morality (Gqola, 2010).
Another remarkable feature about this study is that it was conducted mainly from women’s
point of view as opposed to other studies where scholars have focussed on men (Britton,
1977, Embry, 1997 and Profanter & Gate, 2009). Not only did this study which we are
currently reporting on explore the subject from the women’s perspective but also from the
angle of middle-class educated and employed women who are married into such marriage
arrangements. The key research questions that the study addressed and for which answers
were sought were:
•Why women marry into polygamous unions in the first place?
•Is societal pressure one of the issues to ponder? In other words, does society view
marriage as something that a woman must do? If so, does it mean that a woman
desperate for marriage will settle for polygamous union just to lift the societal
burden? If not what is behind this marriage option?
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•How do first wives respond to their husbands bringing in other women into their
lives? Are first wives content that another woman/ or other women have been brought
into their lives? Do they remain married because they love their husbands
unconditionally or do they quit?
•If they had a choice of being in a monogamous marriage would they prefer that kind
of marriage? Do these women perceive monogamy as an unnatural social construct?
LITERATURE REVIEW
Referring to the activities involved in identifying and searching for information on a topic
and developing an understanding of the state of information on that topic, literature review is
central in any research (Polit & Hungler, 2001 and Polit & Beck, 2008). It compares what has
been previously learned and said about the same or similar topic and also indicates gaps,
limitations and recommendations in the body of knowledge, thus serving as a foundation for
a new study. Notwithstanding the substantial literature review that we conducted on the
subject being explored we bring forward only a few of these as examples of the trend that our
literature survey followed. The main reason for the examination of literature was to ensure
that whatever conclusions we arrived at were relevant to our topic and thus offered a
balanced argument.
A number of scholars amongst whom we can mention Cook (2007), Zondi (2007), Zeiten
(2008), Hlophe & Ngcaweni (2010) & Mkhize (2011), have stated polygamy has been
viewed as a fairly well-intentioned practice within the context of traditional culture. Some of
these authors have gone as far as arguing that the practice is not mainly restricted to African
countries as it is also practiced in the Middle East, on the Asian sub-continent and in some
parts of America (Cook, 2007 and Zeiten, 2008). The Mormons can be cited as an example
(Philips & Jones, 1990). Other scholars who perceive the practise as unfair have mainly
argued their views along moral grounds of which gender discrimination is one (Pato, 2010).
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In Africa polygyny was and is still used as an adaptive practice that provides a man with
many children, therefore workers that add to his wealth. Polygyny ensured that the population
size was constantly growing and it prevented depopulation (Cook, 2007:236). Polygamous
marriages were more commonly found in rural areas and amongst the less educated and
impoverished. Well-educated women preferred monogamy (ibid). However, in contemporary
times, it is observable that the situation seems to be changing as portrayed in Hlophe and
Ngcaweni (2010). According to the international standards, where South Africa is said to
have the most progressive constitution in which the Bill of Rights is enshrined, polygyny is
suddenly an openly discussed phenomenon. The country’s constitution states that if there is a
contradiction between customary law and Bill of Rights the latter takes precedence (Act 108
of 1996). Polygamous marriages are unconstitutional because in the South African Bill of
Rights the equality clause supersedes the right to culture and polygyny discriminates against
women and people traditionally not indigenous to South Africa. What emerges though is that
the South African Constitution has been conspicuously silent on the topic of polygyny.
In their article, The Myth of Polygamy: A history of Extra-Marital and Multi-Partnership Sex
in South Africa, Delius and Glaser (2002:84) argue that throughout the twentieth century
observers of Black sexuality in South Africa have assumed a close connection between the
tradition of polygamy and contemporary male promiscuity. The connection has been argued
in two ways; firstly polygamy created an expectation of multiple sexual partnerships for men
and secondly there was a tendency to romanticize African tradition by insisting that in the
olden days polygamy contained male sexual urges (ibid). These writers go on to say that
although polygamy was common it was still in the minority during pre-colonial society even
though there was still a great deal of sex taking place outside marriage. They go on to say that
marriage was not so much about fidelity but that it was about the rights to offspring,
transaction of cattle and the organization of homestead labour than about the control of
sexuality. Defending polygamy along lines of religion, Philips & Jones (1990), Behar (1991),
Gaskiyane (2000) and Delius & Glaser (2002) maintain that the notion of first Christians
being monogamous was a misconception since early Christianity was born from the Jewish
tradition with its practice of polygamy. It was only after Christianity was revised in
accordance with the Pauline doctrines that the concept of monogamy was introduced into the
Christian philosophy. This was arranged in such a way that it had to conform to the Greco-
Roman culture. In theory, therefore, Rome was a monogamous State but in practice a large
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number of married men engaged in illicit extra-marital affairs. Elaborating on the stance of
religion in so far as polygamy is concerned, the same authors quote Islamic faith according to
which they say the Quran allows a man to take a number of wives. However, the authors
caution that this is not to be confused with Islam encouraging men to marry several women
since it lays the conditions attached to whatever form of marriage a man opts for. For
example, before a man may be allowed to take a second wife he has to prove that he will be
able and willing to divide his time and wealth among his wives equitably. If he is unable to
feed, clothe and treat his existing wife fairly, then by law of the Quran he should not marry
more than one wife.
Since the institution of polygamy being investigated in this paper focuses on South African
black women, only relevant information to this effect will be presented. Discussing at length
the oppressive nature of customs such as polygamy Zondi (2007 and 2008) calls for a review
of these practises. South African feminist authors believe that culture is often unfairly used to
justify such practises (Pato, 2010). Not only do these authors look at the many reasons why
men embrace polygyny but they also bring them to scrutiny. They argue that the issue of
polygyny being a ‘cultural’ practice is not significant because if it were so, people involved
would need to live the ‘cultural lifestyle’ as found in the rural areas. However, this is not the
case as polygamy has been found to happen beyond these spaces and many a time with
western influences as well. Polygyny is “purely a male-serving situation with no gain for
women. It is a situation that breeds male bravado, lack of commitment and use of women as
objects of trade and male pleasure [and] women who believe otherwise are in denial” (Pato
2010: 152). By adopting a polygamous lifestyle, men in high positions highlight a hyper-
masculinity and a model of manhood which, in our opinion, objectifies women.
THEORY INFORMING THE STUDY
Having offered the above arguments we now turn to the theory which informed our study.
Due to the sensitive nature of the study we resorted to cautious measures in selecting the
relevant theory which would ensure reliability and validity of our study. After substantial
reflection the research was placed within the context of grounded theory. Developed by
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Glaser & Strauss in the 1960s the theory purports that one does not begin with a theory that
proves or disproves something but that things are done in the reverse pattern. Thus according
to this theory the researcher begins with an area of study and whatever is relevant to that
study is allowed to emerge (Glaser & Strauss, 1967, Strauss & Corbin, 1990:23 and Larossa,
2005). In this sense the theory aims to close a gap between theory and research by generating
a theory from the research as it unravels thus emphasizing the importance of empirical field
work and the need to link any explanations closely to what happens in practical situations in
real life before making sweeping statements about phenomena that have not been verified
(ibid). In line with the descriptions provided, grounded theory was deemed appropriate in this
research whose primary aim was to conduct an inquiry for the purpose of constructing a
theory on a social phenomenon with regards polygyny as far as middle class educated and
financially independent women were concerned. The theory allowed us to enter into the lives
of these women and through the kind of responses and narratives we elicited the study was
allowed to speak to us about what really goes on in the lives of women in polygamous
marriages.
METHODOLOGY
Qualitative research is said to provide researchers with social reality as it allows them to gain
an in-depth understanding of individuals’ experiences of their unique daily lives (Neuman,
2006 and Tabi, 2010). In addition qualitative research tends to be objective, precise, and more
accurate than that obtained through other methods (Polit & Beck, 2008). Data collection
commenced immediately after all ethical considerations had been adhered to in line with the
ethical principles of the University of KwaZulu-Natal which forbids any research from taking
place before an ethical clearance certificate has been issued.
The population of the study comprised 15 middle class educated and financially independent
women from Hammarsdale area between the ages of 28-60 years old and who are in
polygamous marriages. The rationale for these ages was that within these ages women are
neither too young nor too old to provide sound opinions on issues pertinent to the kind of
marriages they are in. The sampling used was convenience sampling combined with snowball
sampling, the logic being that we wanted women whose education allowed them
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independence and yet who were in polygamous marriages. These participants were selected
on a voluntary basis. The language factor was taken into consideration and all the interviews
and narratives were conducted in isiZulu only then translated into English for the purposes of
disseminating the study to readership beyond Zulu speakers. In the process of translating
considerations from descriptive translation theorists were taken into account. These scholars
maintain that translations can never be exact equivalents of their originals because every
translation involves a certain amount of manipulation for a certain purpose (Hermans, 1985).
Taking the point forward, Lefevere (1992) and Bassnett-McGurie (2002) maintain that socio-
cultural context in which translations take place should be considered at all times when
translating. These scholars argue that translations are never produced in a vacuum but that
they are part of a larger system and should therefore be described in terms of the target
system. With the above in mind we embarked on the English translation and which is, for
convenience, the version we present in this paper.
In a study which sought to examine a social issue of why educated and financially
independent women enter into polygamous unions, participants were first given
questionnaires which were in isiZulu since it was the local language which all of them were
more comfortable to use even though they were equally fluent in English. These were
followed up by interviews which then informed the narratives which form the corpus of this
article. Participants narrated their stories regarding why they were in polygamous marriages
and their experiences in those unions. Since consent had been attained to have these stories
documented, we proceeded with recording them for facilitation of the writing process. For
brevity and for purposes of this article, only the representative summaries of these narratives
which try to answer our research questions while offering perspectives into the lives of the
women are provided. They do not follow any particular order but they cover the spectrum of
the key questions informing our study.
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NARRATIVES OF SOME OF THE WIVES WHO PARTICIPATED IN THE STUDY
Some of the questions asked and their responses
Why are you in a polygamous marriage?
The two responses below reveal some answers as to why women enter polygamous
marriages.
Story 1
I met my husband while we were both studying at college. It was love at first sight for both of
us and for me it was even more special because he was the first man I had fallen in love with.
As things became serious between us I was very disappointed when he told me that he
already had two wives back in the homestead whose ilobolo (bride price) had been paid for
by his father, a chief in the area. However, he told me I was special and that he wanted to
marry me too. To prove his loyalty he was going to pay ilobolo for me himself, without any
parental assistance. I loved him a lot and felt that we belonged together. Indeed, he honoured
his promises and I am happily married to him. He also built a house for me away from his
other wives. While he does spend time with them he also gives me and our boys quality time.
Story 2
I was his personal assistant at his practice when we fell in love. I knew that he was married
but love is something that one cannot control. I fell pregnant and he informed his wife. They
decided to send me to a nursing college so I would be in a position to take care of our son.
We continued seeing each other. In the interim they discovered that his wife had a condition
that would put her life at risk if she fell pregnant. After completing my studies I was called to
a family meeting at which the wife was also present. There I was asked how I would feel
about the marrying him now that there was such a problem with his wife. I accepted the offer
and he came to see my parents and marriage negotiations began. It has been a while and we
have all been happy since then. I respect his first wife and have no intentions of taking my
husband away from her. After our first son we have since been blessed with two more
children; another boy and a girl.
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Is it societal pressure that made you enter into this kind of union or was it something
that you wanted to do?
To the above question we provide two responses from the oldest and youngest respondents
respectively which are representative of the answers we received:
Story 1
I got married in 1980 when I was already somehow above eligible age for marriage. In my
culture women are expected to get married regardless of the type of marriage arrangement
they enter into. Even though I was older than the average bride I was still the first wife and
my husband married two additional wives after me. Although the family expected me to get
married I was also very much in love with the man who had asked for my hand in marriage.
That is why I did not object to his desire to marry two more wives. The way he treated me did
not change with the coming of these two women.
Story 2
The youngest respondent offered the following perspective:
I had several suitors but they did not seem to be serious about our relationship. The last one
kept postponing coming to see my family and I really felt we were not going forward with our
relationship. My age mates were getting married left, right and centre and I also wanted to
get married. One day I met this rather old man who expressed his love for me. I did not have
feelings of love for him and neither did I take him seriously. When I realised that he meant
business I agreed to his marriage proposal and hoped I will fall for him along the way. I
knew he already had a wife but I could not take chances with guys who were wasting my
time. He still loves me dearly but I still do not feel the same kind of love for him as I had with
my younger lovers. But it makes me happy to know I am married.
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How do first wives respond to their husbands bringing in other women into their lives?
Are first wives content that another woman/ or other women have been brought into
their lives? Do they remain married because they love their husbands unconditionally
or do they even consider quitting?
The following narratives are examples of stories shared by first wives and how they feel
about other women joining them in their family. One of the women in this category offered a
positive story of why she was still married to her husband even after he later took more wives
while the other did not seem to cherish the sentiment:
Story 1
The main reason I married my husband was because I had grown up in a polygamous family
and so did not have a different marriage set-up with which I was familiar to make
comparisons. To me this kind of marriage was appropriate. I consider myself fortunate
because I am married to a traditional man who adheres to tradition. He asked me as his first
wife if I would mind him taking a second wife. I told him I was quite comfortable with the
idea. Not only did he marry a second wife but he continued marrying other women until we
were altogether five wives and in each instance I was consulted. As a woman who was
advancing in age I did not want to fulfil certain duties that come with being a wife. Let me
just be specific; I was no longer interested in sexual intercourse. So I welcomed the coming
of additional wives into my family. I had also borne him only one girl child and thought it
would be good for him to have sons.
Story 2
I feel sad when discussing the state of my marriage today. I can remember vividly when I
first got married and it was just the two of us. We were a happy couple. Then I had children
and suddenly I was no longer the centre of his attention. In fact I found myself having to look
after the children when my husband seemed to have abandoned us. I learned that he had
found himself a mistress whom he later married. This was done without consulting with me.
Then he impregnated another woman whose family forced him to marry. Thereafter two more
wives joined us. Now everyone but him is unhappy. Even though there is jealousy amongst us
we try to be civil with one another because we want to maintain peace. But we give younger
wives derogatory names. What consoled me in this whole set up was the fact that I was still
his wife and my status stayed the same in the community. I was somehow forced to accept
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that I was in a polygamous marriage and thus took it upon myself to talk openly about our
sexual relationship and the risks of HIV and AIDS because we were all sharing the same
man. It was a fact that one way or another my husband was sleeping with many people.
If you had a choice of being in a monogamous marriage would you prefer that kind of
marriage?
The two narratives below dispel the myth that women who are in polygamous families are
happy:
Story 1
Even though I was reluctant in the beginning to think about how it would be to have a
husband entirely to myself I think I know now that this would be an ideal situation. I would
never recommend to anyone the type of marriage I am in. I actually feel pity for young
women who want to get married nowadays because they will never know what they are
putting themselves through; a man might say you are his only love but that seventh heaven
will be short-lived. Most men are unfaithful and they use polygyny as an excuse to cover up
their infidelities and philandering ways.
Story 2
I wish I was stronger when I was younger and refused marrying a man who had initially lied
about his single status. When I found out that he had a wife it was too late as all that my
father cared about was receiving cattle in exchange for me. My parents thus supported the
marriage saying that I should consider myself fortunate to have a man who wanted to marry
me regardless of the type of marriage it was. It had been inculcated in me from a young age
that it was better to be married than to die a single woman with no status in the community.
Otherwise I think monogamy should be the way to go.
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FINDINGS
The study revealed several viewpoints that are consistent with polygyny. The practice is by
its very nature a gender issue because of its inherent gender disparity. The fact that one man
can be married to several women but one woman married to one man paves the way for
potential conflict between the sexes. The uncritical language used by women when they let
men get away with subduing them is indicative of the oppressive nature of gender disparities
(Talbot, 1998). The story of the woman who said, “What consoled me in this whole set up
was the fact that I was still his wife” demonstrates that women put men’s desires before theirs
even when it means compromising their welfare.
In societies that have witnessed the emancipation of women through education and economic
opportunities, polygyny still creates inequality and power differentials. This situation renders
apt Zietzen’s (2008:18) argument that gender disparity has become a key aspect of
contemporary gender relations. Even after acquiring sufficient education to enable her to
look after herself and her son, one woman found assurance in the words, “to prove his loyalty
he was going to pay lobolo for me himself, without any parental assistance ”. She did not take
into account the fact that she was stepping into another woman’s territory and in the process
hurting both of them.
One of the statements that constantly came up in the narratives alluded to patriarchy, a system
where men dictate to women. Women in this study stated that according to an arrangement
they knew that male children are valued more than female children since only they can be
‘heirs’ when the husband passed on. This sentiment comes out clearly from one of the
respondent who said, “I had also borne him only one girl child and thought it would be good
for him to have sons”. So this respondent found it justifiable for her husband to take another
wife who would potentially give him an heir. The question is, what if no son was borne?
Would she welcome any number of co-wives as long as at the end an heir was born to her
husband? This is a point of conjecture.
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There is a perception that women are completely different to men. This assumption reduces
women to something less than human beings entitled to their self-esteem. As such they feel
compelled to conform to the normative expectations of their societies. Hence responses such
as, “In my culture women are expected to get married regardless of the type of marriage
arrangement they enter into”.
Weedon’s (1987) discourse on women and their role in a patriarchal society argues that
women’s interests are subordinate to male interests. Talbot (1989) and Wallace (1999)
maintain that the family as a socializing agent has a role to play in rectifying the mistakes
which come with viewing different genders inequitably. This study found the role of
socialization to be amongst the main reasons behind women’s submissive mind sets. Most
women alluded to how their mothers and grandmothers had told them when they were young
that they must get married regardless of the type of marriage since it was only through being
married that their status would be elevated. Consequently marriage would afford them respect
and recognition in their communities. An example of this mentality is found in expressions
such as, “I had several suitors but they did not seem to be serious about our relationship. The
last one kept postponing.… My age mates were getting married left, right and centre…One
day I met this rather old man… who expressed his love. I did not have feelings of love for
him...”.
Finally the view that women willingly consent to polygamous marriages did not always hold.
In fact the belief is fundamentally flawed as social decisions such as the choice to get married
are in fact within the context of the value system obtaining in that particular society. Jonas
(2012:147) expresses this view appropriately when he says a woman’s consent to a
polygamous union is illusory and is no consent at all. Some women in this study believed it
was a choice to be in a polygamous marriage but they failed to see that most decisions
especially significant ones such as marriage are subtlety influenced by the society they
belong to. The woman willing to embrace polygamy has been brainwashed (for a lack of a
better term) to believing she wants that type of marriage because society accepts polygamy.
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CONCLUSION
This study discussed polygyny that was, until recently, not an openly discussed topic
especially where educated and financially independent women were concerned. The reasons
for these women to willingly enter into these unions were obtained through the narratives
they shared. The study focused on women who, in the eyes of the world, seem to have freely
entered into such unions and their explanations for doing so. The motives initially surmised
on why such women enter these unions were proved to be both legitimate and spurious with
the latter being more credible. Culture was also, on the one hand, found to blame for women
marrying into such unions while on the other it was evident that ‘love’ was also still a
contributing factor for women marrying into polygyny. It is the hope of the authors that this
study has opened an avenue for probing further polygamy and other cultural practices that
have stood the test of time with debilitating effects. Such discourses may only serve as
channels for promoting the dynamic nature of culture while challenging such notions as
culture being static. This would then further prove or disprove what the current study
concluded while contributing to the existing field of knowledge about this phenomenon.
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