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The shame of being a man (Gender studies)

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Abstract

'The shame of being a man--is there any better reason to write?' wonders Gilles Deleuze, and so do I. Here, I say that to write is not to free oneself from the shame of being a man. Writing might also be a way of meeting with shame, a coming into male shamefulness. I try to conclude that male shame is less to be regretted than one might at first think, There are four stages to this article. First, I say that men are coming into shame. Men have often before been ashamed of particular ways of falling short of being a man, but now some men are encountering the shamefulness of being a man as such and at all. Second, I briefly review some of the thinking about shame, especially in its relations to guilt, that has been done in philosophy, psychology, anthropology and sociology during the past century. I suggest that, where shame tends nowadays to be seen as a moral emotion, and to be discussed as an ethical problem, its reach is larger than this. I argue that shame is not only to be thought of as a moral prop or provocation, but as a condition of being, a life-form, even, and will offer a brief, wild phenomenology of it. Third, I suggest that male masochism is not so much the expression of shame as an attempt to exorcize it, by turning shame into guilt and thereby taking its measure and making it expiable. Fourth, I consider the power of shame, suggesting that it has possibilities beyond those traditionally claimed for it. Doubtless, one can die of shame, as Salman Rushdie has said; but, stranger than this, it seems one can live of it too.

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... Unlike the American "move-West" approach to masculinities that has been prevalent since the nineteenth century, namely the "Self-Made Man" (which is premised on maternal disassociation or fleeing in order to identify with an undomesticated father), the approach of hegemonic Canadian masculinity has been to privilege intersubjectivity. 2 To draw a little on the Hegelian dialectic regarding the relation between "subject" and "other," the tensions raised by the process of identity formation produce an intersubjective structure for thinking about male identity formation (Nonnekes 2008, 98). 3 In contrast to the traditional oedipal narrative of father-son feud taken up by American West frontier hegemonic 1. For examples of the discussion of "the Crisis of Masculinity" see: Michael Atkinson (2011), Deconstructing Men and Masculinities; Kenneth C. Clatterbaugh (1997), Contemporary Perspectives on Masculinity: Men, Women and Politics in Modern Society; Steven Connor (2001), "The Shame of Being a Man"; Steven Connor (2009), "'Crisis in Masculinity' leads to eating disorders in young men"; Judith Newton (2002), "Masculinity Studies: The Longed for Profeminist Movement for Academic Men?"; Anthony Rowland, et al. (1998), Signs of Masculinity: Men in Literature 1700 to the Present; David Rosen (2000), The Changing Fictions of Masculinity; Bryce Traister (2000), "Academic Viagra: The Rise of American Masculinity Studies." ...
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