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Psychology & Behavioral Health 4th ed. (2015). (Paul Moglia, Ed.).Verbal abuse (pp. 1975-
1977). Amenia, NY: Salem Press at Greyhouse Publishing.
Verbal abuse
Type of psychology: Clinical; Counseling; Developmental; Family; Forensic; Psychopathology;
Psychotherapy
Verbal abuse is a specific type of psychological or emotional abuse. Verbal abuse is the use of
derogatory, negative language to harm another person. Verbal abuse harbors hidden aggression
and is extremely manipulative, often through insults disguised as caring comments. Verbal abuse
can be overt or covert, but it is always related to controlling and manipulating the victim.
Victims are blamed for the abuser’s behavior. Verbal abuse can be communicated by silence,
damaging gossip, and other passive-aggressive behaviors. Verbal abuse may consist of shouting,
insulting, intimidating, threatening, shaming, demeaning, or name calling.
Key Concepts
• Abuse
• Cycle of violence
• Interpersonal violence (IPV)
• Violence
INTRODUCTION
Verbal abuse is a form of interpersonal violence that is used as a means to exert power or
control over victims. Verbal abuse triggers anguish, pain, and distress through intimidating or
bullying verbal assaults meant to embarrass, harass, humiliate, insult, or threaten vulnerable
people. Verbal abuse is manipulative and unpredictable. It can be obvious and demonstrated with
angry outbursts or insidious and expressed with feigned concern that sends mixed meanings to
victims. Verbal abuse is always meant to hurt and unnerve the victim.
Over time, verbal abuse tactics become more intense, varied, frequent, and often they
become physical violence. Eventually, victims of verbal abuse begin to blame themselves and
believe that relationship problems are their own fault. Tactics used by verbal abusers are varied,
multifaceted, and can be used alone or in combination to inflict the hardest blows to victims’
self-esteem.
Verbal abusers view their victims as antagonists or opponents. In an effort to maintain
power and control, verbal abusers will put their victims on the defensive by accusing them of
wrongdoing, divert their attention, or devalue them by ridiculing, criticizing, joking, or
countering their statements with correcting, contradicting, disputing, ignoring, interrupting, or
refusing outright to listen them.
Verbal abuse, like other forms of abuse, occurs in cycles. There are three phases in the
cycle of violence: Phase I - Tension building phase, Phase II – Violence phase, and Phase III -
Honeymoon phase. Over time the cycle of violence may change as the honeymoon phase
shortens, and the tension and violence phases increase. A decision to leave an abusive situation
takes time and even repeated episodes of abuse before victims leave. The amount of time
depends on a victim’s insecurities and concerns for others in the immediate environment who
may feel the repercussions of a victim’s leaving.
Phase I, or the Tension building phase, is when the abuser is extremely demanding,
critical, and moody, becomes more controlling, and makes threats. Money issues, children, or
work are common triggers. The victim minimizes the problem in an effort to control the
situation, withdraws as tension builds, and may attempt to pacify the abuser by giving in. As the
tension intensifies, the victim has less and less control or ability to mollify the situation as it
transitions into Phase II.
Phase II, or the Violence phase, finds the abuser spiraling out of control as he or she feels
control over the victim dwindling. The abuser’s threats increase, tension peaks, and physical or
extreme emotional abuse follows. The violent incident is unpredictable, because it is not the
victim’s behavior that triggers it; it is usually triggered by an external event or the abuser’s
emotional state of mind. The abuser blames the victim for the making “it” happen. The victim
has lost control altogether and is helpless during this escalation. Sometimes victims instigate
Phase II to “get it over with” so they gain some control again.
Phase III, or the Honeymoon phase, brings about a transformation in the abuser who is
now remorseful and apologetic and showers the victim with attention, expressions of love, and
promises that “it” will never happen again as he or she manipulates the victim into forgiveness
and draws the victim back into the relationship. Though confused, the victim often feels guilty
and responsible for the incident, minimizes it, and forgives the abuser.
RISK FACTORS
Generally, risk factors for being verbally abused are lower socio-economic status,
physical or mental disability, insecurity, dependence, low self-esteem, personality disorders,
marital conflict, isolation, substance abuse, and higher education and occupation achievements.
Risk factors also include having low self-esteem, intense need for affection, history of being
abused, codependence, depression, isolation, substance abuse, difficulty expressing emotions,
and selflessness. Risk factors for being an abuser include inability to control anger, extreme
jealousy, gender beliefs about male domination, history of being abused, unrealistic expectations
of relationship, antisocial personality, irresponsibility for own actions, threats of violence, low
self-esteem, relationship codependence, substance abuse,personality disorder, and power and
control issues.
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
Generally, people who are in abusive relationships are fearful of their partners, have very
low self-esteem, and are withdrawn, depressed, or anxious. Adults who were emotionally abused
as children are more likely to have difficulty establishing relationships, misinterpret social cues
and others behaviors, and experience mental health problems. Verbal abusers attempt to make
their victims feel humiliated by making fun of them in public, demeaning or disregarding
victims’ needs, belittling their accomplishments, bringing attention to victims’ mistakes, or using
manipulative tactics (sulk, withdraw, silent treatment, body language, facial expressions, play
victim) to punish victims or force them to comply.
CONSEQUENCES
Verbal abuse, like emotional abuse, can result in physical ailments like frequent
headaches and back, leg, and stomach problems. Psychological issues like depression, anxiety,
posttraumatic stress disorder, difficulties in interpersonal relationships, and borderline,
narcissistic, paranoid, or schizophrenic symptoms may be present in adolescence and early
adulthood. Sadly, verbal abuse continues the cycle of abuse, because many abused individuals
become abusers themselves.
TREATMENT AND PREVENTION
Without intervention, frequency and severity of abuse usually increase over time.
Treatment depends on the dynamics of the abuse. Abuse resulting from family dysfunction may
benefit from access to appropriate community services such as nurse and social worker home
visits to provide help to change behaviors or prevent abuse in high-risk families. Abuse resulting
from mental illness, substance abuse, or physical disabilities may benefit from social services
and professional mental health interventions.
Separating victims and their abusers may be necessary to secure victims’ wellbeing.
Leaving the environment is essential if there is any indication that abuse is escalating or violence
may follow. Counseling for both abusers and victims of abuse can provide channels for
discussion and mitigating solutions to end the cycle of violence. Leaving an abusive relationship
can be difficult and dangerous. Having a place to go for protection, help, and support is
important. Usually such places are with family or friends. However, if they are not available,
then local shelters or other organizations that provide assistance for safely leaving an abusive
relationship should be sought.
For emergency situations resources include the following:
• 911 for all emergencies
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
• National Child Abuse Hotline:
1-800-4-A-CHILD (2-24453)
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Evans, P. (2011). Victory Over Verbal Abuse: A Healing Guide to Renewing Your Spirit and
Reclaiming Your Life. Avon, MA: Adam Media. Verbal abuse, abuser tactics, forms of verbal
abuse, and ways to recognize a verbally abusive relationship are discussed.
Evans, P. (2012). The Verbally Abusive Relationship – How to Recognise it and How To
Respond. Avon, MA: Adam Media. An overview of verbal abuse as a precursor to
physical violence. Provides strategies for protecting victims and information to help readers
understand and recognize abuse.
Lane, T. (2003). “Women Have Different Risk factors for Verbal, Physical Partner Abuse”.
Perspectives on Sexual & Reproductive Health, (35)2, 106-107. Risks for abusive relationships,
how verbal abuse precedes or occurs in conjunction with physical abuse, and indicators for abuse
are discussed.
Marshall, M., & Marshall, S. (2010). Respect Me Rules: A Guide to Stopping Verbal and
Emotional Abuse. Springville, UT: Bonneville Books/Cedar Fort. A guide to abuse patterns and
cycles, boundary enforcement, support groups, and early signs of an abuser. Intended to help
victims gain respect and improve their relationships.