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Individual Differences Research,
2005, 3(4)
269
ISSN: 1541-745X
www.idr-journal.com
C2005 IDR Publishing Ltd. Co. All rights reserved.
The Influence of Past Relationships on
Subsequent Relationships:
The Role of the Self
Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.* & Dani Faith Sahner
Monmouth University
ABSTRACT -
The present study sought to determine whether past relationships
have a significant influence on the self, and thereby influence subsequent partner
choice. Specifically, it was hypothesized that inclusion of a former partner in the
self would be positively correlated to desired similarity between the former and
next likely partner in terms of physical characteristics, personality traits, and
hobbies/interests. Participants were 27 males and 98 females who were not
currently in dating relationships and had broken up with the former partner with
the last 6 months. Findings supported the hypothesis, and found that that
inclusion of the former partner in the self was significantly associated with
desired similarity between former partner and next likely partner in terms of
physical characteristics, personality traits, and hobbies/interests. Further, this
association was still evident after controlling for variables such as time since
break-up, length of former relationship, current frequency of interaction, and
gender. These findings support the idea that former relationships may influence
subsequent relationships due to the impact of former relationships on the self.
Do past relationships influence our subsequent choice of a dating partner? If
this does occur, what might be the mechanism of influence? One possibility is
that past relationships change or influence the self in such a way that we alter our
preferences for subsequent dating partners. If this were the case, it may begin to
explain why some people repeatedly become involved in poor relationships. This
paper hopes to provide support for the hypothesis that past relationships have a
significant influence on the self, through inclusion of the former partner in the
self, and thereby influence future relationships.
Relationship research has demonstrated that romantic relationships have a
significant effect on the partners involved (e.g. Frazier, Byer, Fischer, Wright,
& DeBord, 1996; Ruvolo, Fabin, & Ruvolo, 2001). Studies such as this have
laid the groundwork for the notion that relationships elicit personal changes and
*Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. Ph.D.; 400 Cedar Ave.; Monmouth University; Psychology
Department; West Long Branch, NJ 07764; glewando@monmouth.edu (email).
270
Individual Differences Research,
2005,
3(4)
suggest that changes to the self may then be carried over into future
relationships. One prominent theory that focuses on how relationships may
influence the self is attachment style.
Attachment style refers to the process by which both infants and adults form
emotional bonds, categorized as secure, avoidant, or anxious ambivalent, with
an attachment figure (Hazan & Shaver, 1987). Attachment styles, though formed
in infancy, tend to persist through adulthood in the form of romantic
relationships. Research surrounding attachment styles has often focused on the
implications that attachment styles have on mate selection (Frazier et al., 1996).
One study looking at how attachment style influences partner choice found that
people are most attracted to others with an attachment style similar to their own.
The findings of this study suggest that a previous relationship, in this case with
a parent, can influence partner choice in future adult romantic relationships.
It is also possible that a romantic relationship can alter one's attachment style
(Ruvolo et al., 2001). In this study, participants answered questions at two time
points to determine if there was any attachment style change related to the
relationship status of the individual (i.e. whether the couple stayed together or
broke-up). Results showed that those who experienced relationship dissolution
felt less secure in their attachment style. Moreover, distressing breakups were
more likely to generate attachment style change than less distressing break-ups.
These results demonstrate that although people are likely to choose a partner that
has a similar attachment style (Frazier et al., 1996), attachment style can change
over the course of several relationships (Ruvolo et al., 2001). Thus, a
relationship induced change in the self may lead a person to seek a subsequent
partner with a different attachment style than their former partner, a view that is
congruent with the idea that past relationships may influence future relationships.
In light of the research on attachment it seems likely that influences on the self
due to previous relationships may influence subsequent partner choice. One
method of determining how much a person's self-concept has been influenced
by a previous relationship would be to determine the degree to which the present
self-concept overlaps with the former partner. This is potentially important
because if substantial overlap exists, a person might be motivated to seek a
subsequent partner that is similar to their previous partner to avoid losing parts
of the self.
Research has shown that the self-concept is somewhat malleable and changes
in response to increased closeness within a relationship (Agnew, Van Lange,
Rusbult, & Langston, 1998). As a couple becomes more intimate with each other
and the relationship strengthens, they begin to perceive themselves more as a
couple than as two separate beings. This process, known as cognitive
interdependence, is associated with a couple using words such as "we" and "us,"
rather than "I" or "me". A major component of this view involves the self-
expansion model.
Individual Differences Research,
2005,
3(4)
271
This model states that people seek out partners who will increase their
knowledge and offer new experiences that would thereby enhance the self (Aron
& Aron, 1996). According to the self-expansion model, people achieve
expansion via the process of inclusion of other in the self. Inclusion of other in
the self, a key component of cognitive interdependence, is the amount of
cognitive overlap between two people in a close relationship such that the closer
two people are, the more they begin to include aspects of the other person in
their own identity. Inclusion of other in the self is measured by a series of seven
pairs of overlapping circles, labeled as self and other, that indicate the degree to
which there is an intersection of one's self and the partner's self (Aron, Aron, &
Smollan, 1992). The amount of overlap indicates how much of one's self the
person feels is intertwined with the self of their current or former relationship
partner.
A study examining the effects of inclusion of other in the self found that
married couples had a harder time attributing characteristics to either themselves
or their spouses when the given trait was distinctly descriptive of only one
member of the couple (Aron, Aron, Tudor, & Nelson, 1991). These findings are
consistent with the idea that if two people are highly included with each other,
they will have a difficult time separating what they know to be true about the self
from what they know to be true about their partner (Aron et al., 1996). In the
context of the present study, it is possible that if a person still includes their
former partner in the self to a high degree, they may be motivated to seek a
subsequent partner with similar attributes in order to avoid losing valued
elements of the self. Thus, the amount of continued overlap with a former
partner may continue to influence the self and therefore influence subsequent
partner choice.
Past research on attachment has alluded to the possibility that past
relationships influence the self and, in turn, subsequent relationships. However,
this possibility has not been studied directly. This paper hopes to fill this void by
testing cognitive closeness to a former partner as a possible influence on
subsequent partner choice. Specifically, this paper tests the following hypotheses
1)
Those that include a former partner in the self to a high degree will provide
a description of a probable subsequent partner that is more similar to the
description of their former partner in terms of physical characteristics,
personality traits, and hobbies/interests, than those who include their former
partner to a lesser degree.
2)
The association between inclusion of other in the self and similarity between
former and next likely partner will remain when controlling for other factors
such as time since break-up, length of former relationship, current frequency
of interaction, and gender.
272
Individual Differences Research,
2005,
3(4)
Method
Participants
The participants in this study included 27 males and 98 females from a
medium sized private university in the Northeast. The participants ranged in age
froml8 to 30
(
M =
18). The mean length of former relationship was 63.65
weeks, mean time since break-up was 19.71 weeks, and means days of
interaction per week was 4.29. A majority of the participants were Caucasian
(95.3 %) and freshman (78.9 %). Participants were recruited using a convenience
sample from the undergraduate subject pool and received credit for participation.
Measures
Inclusion of Former Partner in Self Scale.
This measure is a slightly modified
version of the Inclusion of Other in the Self Scale (IDS; Aron et al., 1992) that
asks participants to respond about their most recent former partner (rather than
their current partner as in the original scale). The measure includes seven pairs
of overlapping circles labeled to represent the self and former partner, ranging
from circles with no overlap representing low levels of inclusion with former
partner (scored as a 1) to circles that are almost completely overlapping
representing high levels of inclusion (scored as a 7). Participants choose the set
of circles that most closely represent their current level of inclusion with the
former partner.
Desired Similarity between Former and Next Likely Partner.
This measure
asked participants to describe their former and next likely partner in terms of
physical characteristics, personality traits, and hobbies/interests. For the physical
characteristics, participants described their partner on quality such as hair and
eye color, body type, age, and style of dress. For the personality traits,
participants rated 47 common personality traits such as adventurous, emotional,
humorous, persuasive, secure, talkative, and understanding on a 7-Point Likert
Scale ranging from "0" or "not at all" to "7" or "extremely." For personal
interests, participants rated 52 common hobbies such as reading, going to the
movies, jogging, dancing, and watching television on a 7-point Likert Scale
ranging from "0" or "not at all" to "7" or "extremely." Degree of similarity was
calculated as the mean absolute difference between the former and next partner
descriptions in each dimension. Larger numbers indicate a desire for greater
similarity.
Demographics.
In addition to typical demographic items, this section asked
participants about the length of the their former, the amount of time that had
elapsed since the break-up, and how many days they come into contact with the
former partner in a typical week.
Results
Inclusion of Former Partner in Self (Hyp 1) —
To test the first hypothesis, we
ran several correlational analyses. As hypothesized, inclusion of former partner
Individual Differences Research,
2005,
3(4)
273
in the self was significantly associated with desiring a next partner who was
similar to the former partner in terms of physical characteristics
(r =
.27,
p
=
.002), personality traits
(r =
.34,
p <
.001), and hobbies/interests
(r =
.28,
p
=
.001). These results suggest that those who include their former partner to a high
degree will desire a subsequent partner who is similar to their former partner on
the above dimensions.
Role of Inclusion of Former Partner in Self Controlling for Other Variables
(Hyp 2) —
To test the second hypothesis, we ran several multiple regression
analyses in which inclusion of former partner in the self was entered
simultaneously with length of former relationship, time since break-up, days of
interaction per week, and gender. In each case, the association between inclusion
of former partner in the self and desired similarity between next likely partner
and former partner remained significant; physical characteristics (beta =
.22,
p
= .02), personality traits (beta =
.37, p
<
.001), and hobbies/interests
(beta =
.33,
p =
.001). Additionally, in each case the partial
r
in the context of the regression
equation (measuring the unique association of inclusion of former partner in the
self) was similar to the zero-order correlation (.22, .37, and .32 respectively).
These results suggest that inclusion of former partner in the self is largely
responsible for desired similarity between next likely partner and former partner.
Discussion
The present research found support for the hypothesis that inclusion of the
former partner in the self would be positively correlated with desired similarity
between former partner and next likely partner in terms of physical
characteristics, personality traits, and hobbies/interests. Further, this association
was still evident after controlling for variables such as time since break-up,
length of former relationship, current frequency of interaction, and gender.
Similar to research on attachment, this study shows that past relationships
may influence future ones (Hazan & Shaver, 1987). Specifically, results suggest
that participants who reported high levels on continued inclusion provided a
description of a next likely partner that was similar to their former partner in
terms of physical characteristics, personality traits, and hobbies/interests.
Further, other variables potentially related to inclusion such as length of former
relationship, time since break-up, and frequency of interaction do not diminish
the effect.
One explanation for this is that when the former relationship is lost, elements
of the self that were included are potentially lost as well. As a result, participants
may attempt to reduce distress from breakup by seeking out a partner who can
effectively replace the components of the self that were provided by the former
partner in the past relationship. This in turn would avoid the distress that is
typically associated with losing elements of the self (Page & Stevens, 1996).
It is also possible that the desired similarity between former and next partner
can be more generally attributed to similarity to the self. It is a long standing
274
Individual Differences Research,
2005, 3(4)
finding within social psychology that similarity between self and partner is a
major determinant of attraction (Byrne, 1997). In the present context it is
possible that we are more likely to include similar others in the self and as a
result, would have similar former partner and desire similar subsequent partners.
However, the self-expansion model would argue that since we are motivated to
expand through novelty, it would be counterproductive to include others in the
self who are overly similar.
Although the findings of this study provided significant support for the
hypotheses, there are always some limitations that must be noted. It is important
to note that the population studied in this research was not very diverse and may
li
mit the generalizability of the results. However, the study also had the strength
of a within-subjects design that asked participants to provide detailed
descriptions of their partners.
Aside from replication in other populations, future research in this area should
explore desired similarity to the self compared to inclusion of other in the self
in the context of subsequent partner choice. Also, it would be beneficial to
determine how the similarity of a present partner to a former one may influence
relationship stability.
The present research, however, is an important first step in understanding the
mechanism by which past relationships may influence future ones. Research
such as this will hopefully provide the foundation for future explorations into
why some people establish patterns of involvement with undesirable partners.
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