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Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Volume 16, June
20, 2013
www.ejhs.org
Memorable Familial Messages about Sex:
A Qualitative Content Analysis of College
Student Narratives
Lydia Kauffman
School of Communication, Western Michigan University
Mark P. Orbe
School of Communication, Western Michigan University
Amber L. Johnson
Department of Language and Communication, Prairie View A & M
University
Angela Cooke-Jackson
Department of Communication Studies, Emerson College
All correspondence and request for additional information should be sent to: Dr. Mark P.
Orbe, School of Communication, Western Michigan University, 1903 W. Michigan Avenue,
Kalamazoo, MI 49008-5318; orbe@wmich.edu
ABSTRACT
This exploratory qualitative content analysis examined young adult familial memorable
message narratives regarding sex that were described as most influential on sexual activity.
More specifically, the study explores the descriptions from 101 participants who were
attending college on one of three diverse campuses. From the texts provided, the source,
message, frame, and communication type of each memorable message narrative was
analyzed. Then, through established thematization processes, five major themes emerged that
contributed to the perception of sexual practices and behaviors: (1) practice safe sex; (2)
premarital sex as wrong; (3) Wait until you are ready/for the right person; (4) Sex as natural
and/or pleasurable; and (5) Sex as negative, abusive and/or taboo. Following an explication of
how these memorable message narratives work individually, and collectively, to influence
adolescent sexual behavior, directions for future research and implications for practice are
provided.
For many, sexual activity starts in early adulthood (Goins, Garcia, & Barger, J., 2013; Mosher,
Chandra & Jones, 2005). It is widely acknowledged that memorable experiences about sex
shape and dictate one’s sexual behaviors. Yet, it is a complex task to pinpoint exactly how,
and to what extent, these messages impact one’s sex life (Medved Brogan, McClanahan,
Morris & Shepard, 2006). Familial influences are one of the main sources that affect young
adults’ communicative decisions, including those related to sexual activity (Guo &
Nathanson, 2011). According to Hutchinson and Cederbaum (2011), both parents play a large
role in the socialization of their children and fathers may even have a larger influence on their
daughter’s future sex decisions. Other research emphasizes the importance of mother’s
communication with both daughters and sons (Coffelt, 2010; Morman & Whitely, 2012). An
important dynamic to parent-child communication about sex is that of the manner in which
the messages are sent. According to Morgan, Zurbriggen, and Thorn (2010), males report
different types of memorable messages than females. For example, messages to males focus
more on pleasure and exploration, while messages about sex to females seem to be geared
more towards measures of precaution and consequences of sex. Given the high prevalence of
sexual activity for young adults and the physical and psychological costs that come with it,
calls for theoretically informed research that produces practical recommendations abound in
various arenas (e.g., Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2011). Consequently, a study
examining memorable message narratives that focuses on the particulars of the message –
source, theme, framing and communication type – is important in further enhancing existing
knowledge.
Amidst a significant amount of literature (e.g., Guo & Nathanson, 2011), two major themes
appear throughout existing literature on family communication about sex. First, as described
by Bleakley, Hennessy, Fishbein, Coles and Jordan (2009), the interaction of parental figures
and religious background influences the messages that are communicated to children.
Specifically, Bleakley at al. found that mothers focused on the physical consequences of sex
as well as the social outcomes that accompanied premature sexual activity. In this familial
context, individuals describe feeling ashamed or guilty of their first sexual experiences
because of their family values and religious beliefs. Consequently, parental comfort has been
demonstrated to impact parent-child communication regarding sex (Jerman & Constantine,
2010). More specifically, when mothers approached sex as a natural topic, more positive
feelings occurred (Coffelt, 2010). Second, open and early communication regarding
adolescent sexual activity was found to create positive, safe sex practices in young adults
(Moore & Chase-Lansdale, 2001; Morman & Whitely, 2012). According to a study done by
Townsend (2008), socialization messages are not always explicit and frequently are
communicated via implicit “colorful colloquialisms” that help form young people’s ideas
about how sexual experiences should happen. Townsend also describes a process called
armoring, the socialization process that draws from the parents’ own experiences. Through
armoring, a parent’s worldview dictates how they will socialize their children regarding
sexual practices. Given this, it is important to recognize that many of the narratives can be
attributed to the personal, social, and cultural experiences of the parent when analyzing the
child’s perspective on sex (Gallegos, Villarruel, & Gomez, 2007; Randolph et al., 2013;
Tobey et al., 2011).
Non-familial influences must also be taken into account when searching for insight into the
sexual socialization of young adults. In this regard, memorable messages from peers (Busse,
Fishbein, Bleakley, & Hennessy, 2010), personal experiences (Ellis & Smith, 2004), and
media texts (Hust, Brown, & L’Engle, 2008) also must be acknowledged. These messages,
more specifically, must be understood in regards to how they negotiated alongside familial
messages. Richardson’s (2009) study of the socialization of young African American women,
for example, found that certain familial memorable messages appeared to be based on mass
mediated sources. Her research concluded that socialization is formed partially by sources
outside of the family, but are likely reiterated by family members.
The Narratology of Memorable Messages About Sex
Individuals receive hundreds, if not thousands, of messages from various sources every day;
yet the vast majority of these messages remain on the fringes of short-term memory (Smith,
Ellis & Yoo, 2001). Only a select few of these messages become “memorable,” meaning that
they are remembered for an extended period of time and continue to have a profound
influence on a person’s life (Knapp, Stohl & Reardon, 1981). Memorable messages are
personal and legitimate messages (Stohl, 1986), internalized and taken to heart (Knapp et al.,
1981) that become a lasting influence on people’s lives (Ellis & Smith, 2004). Consequently,
they represent “rich sources of information about ourselves, our society, and our ways of
communicating” (Knapp, 1981, p. 40).
In the past, communication scholars have studied memorable messages in terms of
organizational socialization (e.g., Dallimore, 2003; Stohl, 1986), influence of family
communication (e.g., Ellis & Smith, 2004; Medved et al., 2006), perceptions of illness and
healthcare (e.g., Keely, 2004; Lauckner et al., 2012; Smith et al., 2009; Smith et al., 2010),
constructions of identity (Heisler & Ellis, 2008; Holladay, 2002) and understandings of
discrimination in an increasingly diverse world (Camara & Orbe, 2010). For this particular
study, the literature on memorable messages represents a useful conceptual lens through
which to study salient influences of current sexual practices (Medved et al., 2006).
Specifically, we extend this conceptual frame by focusing on memorable message narratives –
the stories that individuals name as most influential to current practices.
Traditionally memorable message research has followed a rational-scientific model whereby
memorable messages were measured in terms of their role in self-assessing current and past
behaviors (e.g., Ellis & Smith, 2004). Given our interest in participant recollections of
memorable messages they received regarding sex, we adopt narrative theory (W. Fisher, 1987)
as a theoretical lens to highlight the narratological nature of memorable messages.
Narratology, according to Browning (2009), is the “study and theory of narratives, or complex
stories – what they are made of, how they are structured, and what we gain from using them
as a vehicle for communication” (p. 673). Treating descriptions of memorable messages as
narratives is consistent with qualitative methodology that adopts a humanistic approach to
communication research (Bute & Jensen, 2011; Manoogian, Harter, & Denham, 2010).
Accordingly, we understand memorable messages as stories that hold special meaning and
contain important life lessons (Browning, 2009).
According to Knapp et al. (1981), memorable messages are “remembered for extremely long
periods of time,” and are perceived as “a major influence on the course of [people’s] lives” (p.
27). A message is memorable because it provides an answer to an inner conflict or personal
problem, prompts a greater understanding of self, or provides a guide to self-assessment of
behavior that is analyzed and discussed (Smith, Ellis, & Yoo, 2001). While earlier research
found that memorable messages were offered verbally by older people with higher statuses in
comparison to the participant (Knapp et al., 1981), more recent studies identify more diverse
sources of memorable message including peers (Smith et al., 2010) and those gained from
personal experiences (Ellis & Smith, 2004). Interestingly, Morgan and Zurbriggen (2007)
found that the negotiation of the first sexual partner has a lasting impact on sexual and
relational influences. Their research demonstrated the multidimensional nature of memorable
experiences that are formulated from different sources over the course of one’s life and the
complex ways that they shape ideas and beliefs about current and future sexual encounters. In
short, memorable messages are gained through a variety of sources and contexts, and provide
a general guideline for what should or should not be done in a given situation, and are recalled
when a decision must be made on how to behave.
As demonstrated through this abbreviated literature review, scholars have utilized memorable
messages as a conceptual framework to study a variety of communicative contexts. In
addition, researchers have engaged this topic, both quantitatively (e.g., Barge & Schlueter,
2004; Holladay, 2002; Smith & Ellis, 2001; Smith et al., 2001) and qualitatively (e.g., Ford &
Ellis, 1998; Keeley, 2004; Knapp et al., 1981; Stohl, 1986) in research studies. Unlike existing
research, we adopt narratology to study how meaning is generated through memorable
message narratives (e.g., Manoogian et al., 2010). Given the exploratory nature of our study
on memorable messages about sex, we utilize it as an interpretive lens to gain insight on the
following research question: (1) What types of memorable familial messages regarding sex
were identified by individuals as most salient to their current sexual practices?, and (2) What
were the sources, valence, communicative forms, and meanings of these messages?
An Inductive, Discovery-Oriented Methodological Framework
Study Overview
The data for this study were collected between April 2012 -- June 2012 as part of a larger
research project focusing on HPV knowledge, sexual experiences and knowledge of sexually
transmitted infections. The on-line survey contained a few binary questions (e.g., Have you
ever had sex?) as well as several Likert-style questions that asked participants to report levels
of knowledge and awareness of HPV and comfort in discussing sex with family members and
romantic partners. The survey also contained a section where each participant was asked to
provide a memorable message, a methodological tool known as the Critical Incident
Technique (Flanagan, 1954). Specifically, the survey called for “a brief but detailed story that
describes something from your past -- a story, memory, experience, and/or message from
another source -- that has most impacted your CURRENT SEXUAL PRACTICES.” This
open-ended survey item provided a rich source of data regarding the content, source, and
circumstances of memorable messages about sex (Stohl, 1986). This self-report
methodological strategy (Lauckner et al., 2012) was consistent with our desire to have
participants “narrate their own experiences within these interactions as opposed to asking
participants to respond to topics chosen by the researchers” (Morgan & Zurbriggen, 2007, p.
519). Within this study, participant stories ranged from those that were 1-2 sentences long to
those that were several paragraphs.
Participants
Participants for this study were recruited from three different U.S. campuses: a small private
urban college located in the Northeast, a large state land grant university located in the upper
Midwest, and a mid-sized historically black university in the South. Initially, three of the four
co-authors provided extra credit opportunities to students in their classes who volunteered to
complete the 10-minute survey on-line. In order to widen and diversify the participant pool
beyond undergraduate students enrolled in communication classes, other students across
campus beyond this initial scope were also encouraged to participate. Through this data
collection process, 476 surveys were collected; of this larger data set, 101 participants (21%)
provided memorable messages that were derived from family members. This smaller data
subset, similar in size to other qualitative studies exploring sexual messages (Morgan &
Zurbriggen, 2007), is the focus of our current analysis.
Basic demographic information was collected from participants via an open-ended prompt
that asked them to provide a self-description of their identity in ways that captured how
individuals “construct and perform complex, heterogeneous communicative lives” (Houston,
2002, p. 37). Because of the inductive nature of this question, reporting the demographic
composition of our participants involves a significant amount of “missing data.” Our coding
of self-descriptions demonstrates significant diversity in terms of: age (29% under 20; 60% in
their 20s; 10% unreported), gender (61% female; 26% male; 13% unreported); race/ethnicity
(44% white, 26% black, 4% Hispanic, 4%, multiracial; 21% unreported); and region (45%
Midwest campus, 31% northeast campus, 24% southern campus). Our strategy to collect
demographic data was utilized to counter existing criticism (Orbe & Everett, 2006) that
researchers traditionally force participants to choose among pre-determined categories (which
may or may not represent who they are) that are then coded to produce correlations with other
variables. In this regard, it provided some agency for participants to articulate what they
perceive to be the most salient aspects of their identities (Ting-Toomey et al., 2000) in relation
to the memorable messages regarding sex that they shared. In doing so, we sought to avoid an
error in traditional research design that assumes that a “single aspect should be conceived as
universally ‘more important’ than the others” (Houston, 2002, p. 37). Consequently,
demographic identifiers provided by the participants are used to contextualize the narratives
shared within the findings section, but not coded for attempts to correlate any one particular
identity marker (e.g., race or gender) with any specific theme.
Thematic Analytical Process
In order to explore our two research questions, we conducted a qualitative content analysis
(e.g., Dallimore, Hertenstein, & Platt, 2004) of these stories. Content analysis is the
methodological approach to “identify, enumerate, and analyze occurrences of specific
messages” (Frey, Botan, & Kreps, 2000, p. 236). According to Krippendorf (1980) content
analysis involves four steps including generating data that is illustrative of real phenomenon,
data reduction, inference and analysis that leads to standardization of future research. We first
separated out familial messages (n=101) from the larger data set of memorable messages
regarding sex (n=476). Within the 101 narratives, descriptions of responses were coded in
terms of different constructs established through existing memorable message research (e.g.,
T. Fisher, 1987; Knapp, Stohl, & Reardon, 1981). While an increasingly large number of
content analyses have utilized various computer programs, we decided upon traditional
human coding in order to maximize the subjectivity (Conway, 2006) that came with
researchers who have a familiarity of memorable message research and the large data set.
In order to establish an acceptable level of intercoder reliability, three of the four co-authors
of the manuscript coded the entire data set (Lombard, Snyder-Duch, & Bracken, 2004). Each
person coded the data independently; these assessments resulted in intercoder reliability levels
ranging from .70 and .80 for source, valence, and communication – all falling within
generally acceptable benchmarks (Frey et al., 2000; Lombard et al., 2002). For the small
number of remaining cases, coders discussed the items until they reached a general agreement
(Benoit, Pier, & Blaney, 1997).
Findings
Our data revealed a variety of narratives regarding memorable familial messages regarding
sex. Before explicating the meanings of six different thematic messages, we describe the
findings of our qualitative content analysis regarding the source, valence and communication
form of memorable message narratives. First, the analysis of source focused on the particular
location from which the message originated. Within our analysis, the most frequent familial
sources identified by participants within their memorable message narratives were general
family references (29.1%), followed by both parents (24.8%), and mothers (21.8%). Other
family members, albeit with significantly less frequency, were also the originators of
participant’s most memorable messages regarding sex including siblings (8.9%), fathers
(6.9%), and extended family members such as cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles (6.7%).
Finally, a small percentage of responses (3.9%) referenced “growing up” with certain values
without identifying a specific person or persons. Table 1 summarizes the results of this
particular point of analysis, and provides example for each category.
Communication form was another focus of our analysis. As presented in Table 2, the vast
majority of participants (70.3%) described memorable messages that took the form of verbal
messages directly communicated from different familial sources. Existing memorable
message research (Stohl, 1986), as well as more recent studies (e.g., Ellis & Smith, 2004)
have demonstrated how personal experiences also work to constitute memorable messages.
This was evident in our data, as a significant percentage of participants provided narratives
that highlighted observations and indirect forms of communication (24.8% and 3.9%
respectively). A small percentage of responses (3.9%) did not identify any specific form of
communication. Table 2 reports our statistical findings in terms of communication form, and
provides an example of each category.
The third category, valence, also provided an interesting point of analysis regarding
memorable message narratives. In particular, data was analyzed in terms of how messages
were articulated within the narratives: positively, negatively, or through a neutral frame. Our
findings reveal that participant narratives reflected a balance of negative (37.6%), positive
(34.7%), and neutrally-framed (27.7%) familial messages about sex. Table 3 provides
examples of each of these categories. Our next section focuses on the meanings situated
within the memorable familial message narratives provided by participants and illustrates how
these meanings were generated from a variety of familial sources and through different
communicative forms.
Meanings of Memorable Message Narratives
While our qualitative analysis of the source, communication form, and valence of narratives
was easily summarized through descriptive statistics and select examples, the meanings of
memorable message narratives warrant more substantial treatment. In this section, we
explicate the emergence of five themes: (1) practice safe sex, (2) premarital sex is wrong, (3)
wait until you are ready/for the right person, (4) sex as natural or pleasurable, and (5) sex as
negative, abusive, and/or taboo.
Practice safe sex.The most frequently received memorable message from our respondents was
focusing on the importance of practicing safe sex (n = 37). Although more evenly distributed
than other memorable familial messages, this one seemed to come primarily from the mother
figure or from both parents. The following example, provided by a participant who identified
as a multiracial woman, is one that shows the strong impact that a mother can have, especially
on her daughter.
My mother had an abortion when she was 18 years old. She has always been very
open with me about her decision as well has how I should practice safe sex so I
would never have to make that decision. Although we don’t talk about sex often
she put me on birth control at an early age and was very open with me about
getting the HPV shot and her concerns. More than any other experience, my
mother’s openness and initiative ha[ve] had the biggest impact on my sex life
since I became sexually active.
This response, like a few others, expressed an understanding of young mothers’ struggles and
how talking about them serve an influential function in adolescent sexual development.
Of the 37 safe sex messages, 22 were directly communicated. For example, one respondent –
a European American young woman – stated, “I have been told by my parents…that I should
always keep myself protected…” Overwhelmingly, this message was directly stated and
understood through explicit messages. Yet, several participants did provide narratives that
demonstrated how safe sex messages were also gained through observation or personal
experience. For example, an African American woman stated:
Just seeing people living with AIDS has impacted my decision, as well as the fact
that my mom had me when she was 19 and didn’t get the chance to do everything
she wanted to do at that time.
Similar to this example, several of the participants recounted more of an experience or
observation in regards to receiving memorable messages from family members. Regardless of
the communication form of the message, it still was reported as having a significant impact on
future sexual behavior decisions.
Like most of the responses, a substantial number of the safe sex messages were negatively
framed. “I choose to have safe sex because of a close family member contracting the HIV
virus,” shared one African American female participant. This response is situated within a
negative association of the unwanted consequences related to unsafe sex. In a similar manner,
several respondents provided narratives that described how a negative personal experience
(e.g., pregnancy scare or possible STI infection) influenced their personal outlook on
appropriate sexual behavior.
In contrast, some of the narratives featuring a safe sex message were received in a positive
light. For instance, one European American woman stated, “My aunt always gives me reality
checks and personal conversations with me all the time about my sexual encounters and how
to prevent myself from contracting diseases.” This brief sentence appeared within a larger
narrative that illustrates how a positive and direct memorable message (which focused on “the
beauty of sex”) from an extended family member can also influence safe sex practices.
Premarital sex as wrong. Unlike the message to practice safe sex, many of our participants
described being socialized with the message that premarital sex is wrong and abstinence
should be practiced until marriage (n = 24). Of all of the messages in this category, the vast
majority (n = 18) reported that the source of the message was a general family reference. For
example, one man who self-identified as Hispanic stated nothing other than, “My family
probably would not like that I had sex.” There seems to be an overtone with many of our
participants as they describe being “raised” or “taught” but include no specific family member
descriptions. For this message type specifically, the general family reference seems to be
extremely common and powerful – possibly because the message was communicated through
multiple family members at multiple times.
Still, other participants reported receiving a message of abstinence before marriage from both
parents. One respondent (European American female) simply stated, “I was told by my
parents to not have sex until marriage, and I agree with that idea.” Here, there does not seem
to be much explanation or logic as to why abstinence is the best way, but the respondent
doesn’t seem to question the issue outside of what her parents have said. This particular
message, although seemingly ambiguous in nature, was primarily direct in delivery. Out of the
24 narratives within this category, 19 individuals reported direct forms of communication.
One participant, for example, had a direct message partly from her mother, a general family
reference, and a first sexual partner as demonstrated with this narrative:
My most recent ex boyfriend was my first sexual experience. He was extremely
comfortable with talking about anything sexual and encouraged me to feel
comfortable as well without being forceful. From my mother and others I was
always told to wait until I was married to have sex—I was actually kind of scared
out of it completely—I also have an anxiety disorder. But my last partner made it
a very positive experience. I don’t know if I will be as comfortable with future
partners.
Memorable messages that premarital sex is wrong were also gained through personal
experiences or observations of others. One African American man’s response included, “…I
have watched too many of my close friends go through pregnancy scares, two of whom are
currently pregnant…That’s what happens when you do what you’re not supposed to be
doing.” This example, like parts of the previous ones, conveyed a negative association with
the act of sex prior to marriage. Interestingly, other narratives steeped in the same message
were equally framed positively (“Everyone in my family is Christian, so sex is something
special that should be saved for marriage”) and neutrally (“My dad always told me to wait to
have sex until marriage”). Interestingly, a few participants negotiated how they defined sex
within the context of their family religious values, like the African American woman who
wrote: “I was born and raised Christian and want to continue following this faith so I will not
participate in any penetration until marriage, I will only go as far as oral.”
Wait until ready or for right person.The third memorable familial message theme that
emerged from our thematic analysis of participant narratives was to wait until they felt ready
or rather for the right person in order to partake in sexual activity (n = 14). The primary
source of this message was that of both parents and general family references, both of whom
highlighted core family values. A European American woman explains, “My own family
values made me want to wait until I found the right person.” This example alluded to a
general family reference having positively impacted the respondent’s decision to abstain until
personally ready for sexual activity. In another example, a promise to an extended family
member, made the female respondent wait until the right person was introduced into their life.
I have decided to sustain from any sexual activity until I am in a committed
relationship because of a promise I made to my aunt. My aunt Crystal and I are
extremely close and my promise to her will remain sacred until I am in a
committed and respectable relationship.
Like this narrative, most of the participants that received this message received it directly (12
of the 14). For example, one European American male shared: “My parents instilled strong
morals in me to make it so that I would wait to have sex until I was truly in love with my
partner.” This instruction is direct and was clearly a part of the individual’s socialization
around appropriate sexual behaviors. Through teaching certain morals and values, some
parents were effective in leaving a lasting message to their children. Other participant
narratives featured memorable sexual experiences that carried a “wait” message through
multiple sources, including the observations of some family members. This was the case with
the following response:
I am from a very conservative small town, attended a private Catholic grade
school , and an all girls private Catholic high school. Because of this, I feel that I
am very conscious of who I have sex with. I only have sex with people who I am
in a serious relationship with that being said I have only had sex with one person
whom I am in a serious relationship. I think sex is a very special and sacred bond
between two people that shouldn’t be taken lightly, however I do not believe in
saving sex before marriage. I’ve watched my parents who divorced go through
many relationships with people that have been on and off. [Having] seen that,
what I want for myself is something more. (European American female
participant)
Interestingly, this narrative includes a variety of messages that appear to be framed, positively,
neutrally and slightly negative. Yet, unlike this particular narrative, the majority of remaining
descriptions expressed a positively framed message. For instance, one individual – an African
American female – simply stated: “My mom always told me that sex is the ‘crowning
culmination of love.’ She said this in many ways and many times throughout my
adolescence…” Most of the individuals that provided positive experiences with conversations
around sexual activity described an openness with the source of the message and an overall
positive outlook on how they view sex and sexual behavior. This particular theme is
explicated next.
Sex as natural or pleasurable. Another major theme that emerged through our analysis was
the idea that sex is natural and or pleasurable (n = 14). Responses that reflected this message
were pretty evenly distributed between different sources, including mothers, fathers, and
siblings. One European American female respondent described a memorable experience at a
young age:
When I was 9 years old I wanted to sleep in my mother’s bed. She allowed it and
after a minute I felt something weird. I had a used condom stuck to my leg. My
mother called her boyfriend and they laughed hysterically. I guess I learned early
that sex is fun and lighthearted.
This example conveys an easy-going approach to the idea of sex, that it is a natural part of life
and something that can be laughed about. This particular narrative reflects more of an
observed, or experienced, familial memorable message that carries an implicit message.
Similarly, another respondent explains, “I’ve always been attracted to girls and my dad was
always having women and sometimes at night as a kid I ran across pornos on TV” (African
American male participant). In this context, the message that sex is natural and pleasurable
was observed and conveyed to the respondent through indirect means of communication.
Older siblings also were a source for memorable message narratives that communicated that
sex was a natural human pleasure. One European American male participant, for example,
described the messages that he received from older siblings. Specifically, he wrote:
When I was younger, my older siblings would tell me about their sex lives. This
got me curious about it at a younger than average age and has caused me to have
a longer sexual history than my friends now.
From his perspective, explicit verbal communication about sex described it as a natural part of
adolescence, something that facilitated an early desire to engage in sexual activity.
Interestingly, the positive frame of this particular theme was not exclusively situated within
positive experiences. Although most of these messages were positively framed, one female
respondent shared a negative experience concerning sex that taught her that it was a natural
and important part of life. In particular, she explained how her single mother’s loneliness led
to that particular lesson: “The fact that my father was never there when I was young made me
believe sex was a very important part of a relationship.” Even though it was framed
negatively, the idea that sex was an important pleasure natural to healthy relationships was
still communicated through personal familial experience.
Nearly ten percent of our participants wrote about the importance of open communication
with family members regarding sex, and its influence on viewing sex as natural. This point
was seen in the response of one European American female participant who described the
transparency of her communication with her mother:
My mom and I have always had a very close relationship. If I ever had any
questions about anything she was open to talk about them. Including things that
she has done in the past with boyfriends. It helped me understand more about sex
and feel comfortable talking about it with my boyfriend. She also was okay with
me getting on birth control.
Several participants, like this one, who reported having had open conversations about sex and
appropriate behavior concerning sex during adolescence, also seem to have had it
communicated directly and positively. For example, a European American woman explained,
My mother and father have always taught me to be open, honest and respectful of
sex. From a young age we talked about sex openly and it was never a topic that
made me feel uncomfortable. I feel that now I am able to easily communicate
with my partner about sex because I was taught to be so open.
This respondent’s narrative describes communication that is open and positively framed;
accordingly the talks with her mother created an influential foundation that shapes her current
communication about sex with significant others.
Sex as negative, abusive, and/or taboo. Of the 101 participant narratives describing
memorable familial messages about sex, almost a tenth offered descriptions that situated sex
as something negative, abusive, and/or taboo (n = 9). Most often this theme was seen in the
narratives of women who described how a traumatic experience early on in life established a
painful first impression of sex. For some participants, the experience was steeped in the
experience of being sexually abused by older male relatives (e.g., fathers, cousins). In the case
of one African American woman, her description of the family member was vague (“sexually
molested as a 5 year old child by a family member at my grandmother’s house”) but the
powerful impact of the experience could be seen throughout her life – early sexual activity
with peers, significant promiscuity as an adolescent, and unhealthy, non-committal
relationships as a young adult. In this regard, this initial forced introduction to sex ultimately
shaped the ideas and values that this respondent had around what sexual behavior was
appropriate as an adolescent.
For other female participants, early socializing familial experiences were not explicitly
conscious; however, they were instrumental shaping current attitudes to sex nonetheless. The
over-arching implicit meta-message consistent throughout all of the narratives included in this
section is the characterization of sex as a taboo topic, one that is not spoken about directly or
explicitly unless absolutely necessary. For instance, one European American woman wrote,
My father was arrested for a sexual offense when I was ten years old. He had
solicited a girl just three years older than me online, sent her explicit material,
and made plans to meet. During the custody battle, my sister and I had to endure
a rape kit. Although I have no recollection of sexual abuse, the tests revealed
heavy sexual abuse from extraneous objects, which revealed why I had been
ridden with infection as a young child. The wounds were mostly healed, and
despite no memory of the indicated events, to this day it takes me a very long
time and a lot of trust to take steps towards more intimacy. Having to hear about
the abuse in explicit detail in court and from my mother, makes me very careful
in my sexual behavior and very protective about engaging in sexual activity.
This particular narrative focuses more on the negative connotations associated with a set of
circumstances that resulted in significant psychological damage (compared to the actual
memories of the abuse/rape itself). Other narratives also highlighted the salient role that
communicating about sex through negative framing in creating memorable messages.
Although these responses are a small portion of the larger data sample, they demonstrate a
large detrimental impact on the respondents’ lifelong attitudes toward sex. This also was seen
within a narrative provided by one female respondent who expressed a negative association
with sex as a result of a father’s alcoholism and constant accusations.
I decided to start having sex after I turned 16. My father was an alcoholic and
every weekend he would get drunk and accuse me of it, and I am the type of
person who believes that I’m going to be accused for it I might as well do it. So,
that is why I decided to start.
Discussion
Our study was designed to determine the themes within memorable message narratives that
involved various forms of family communication. Our data was comprised of self-generated
narratives, those in which participants identified family communication as having the greatest
saliency in terms of current sexual practices. Studying the narratology of memorable
messages as memorable experiences, we found five general themes (practice safe sex,
premarital sex is wrong, wait until you are ready/for the right person, sex as natural or
pleasurable, and sex as negative, abusive, and/or taboo) that came most often in the form of
direct communication, equally framed positively, negatively, and neutrally, from a variety of
family members.
While we acknowledge the polyvocality of participant narratives (Lyotard, 1984), our findings
provide valuable insight into the complex ways in which memorable messages involve
important life experiences (Knapp et al., 1981), as well as making an important contribution
to the study of family, sex, and communication.
A significant outcome of our study lies within the ways it extends existing research on how
young adults describe the impact of family communication in their decisions regarding sexual
activity. Like other recent research (e.g., Coffett, 2010), it helps to challenge some existing
generalizations that offer simplistic conceptualizations of the family communication about
sex. For instance, while a majority of memorable message narratives highlighted the ways in
which family members encouraged participants to practice safe sex or to remain abstinent
until they were in a committed relationship, our data revealed that young adults are not
necessarily defining sex in ways that are always consistent. Formal definitions of abstinence
reflect an individual’s choice to refrain from engaging in sexual activity, which refers to “any
type of genital contact or sexual stimulation between two persons including, but not limited to
sexual intercourse” (Sawyer et al., 2007, p. 47). Despite the general acceptance of this
definition, and those related to what constitutes “virginity” and “sex,” for scholars and
practitioners, we found that young adults vary in the ways in which they characterize their
sexual behaviors in regard to these terms (see also, Bersamin et al., 2007; Pitts & Rahman,
2001; Rosenbaum, 2006). Like Sawyer et al. (2007), we found a significant number of
participants whose narratives contained descriptions that reflect a belief that engaging in
mutual masturbation and oral sex is characteristic of abstinence – and not officially “sex.”
Such instances seemed to be most explicit within our data for individuals who negotiated their
current sexual activity within familial expectations of abstinence based on religious beliefs.
As demonstrated through our explication and discussion of thematic findings, this study is
valuable in providing scholarly insight into how family communication influences young
adults’ sexual activity. However, the project is not without its limitations, two of which seem
most relevant. The first limitation relates to our participant pool. While we utilized on-line
surveys to engage a large, diverse participant pool on a sensitive (if not taboo) topic such as
sex, the amount of data focusing on familial memorable messages was relatively small. Future
research would be wise to engage a larger cross-section of young adults, with a specific focus
on including participants who vary in terms of race, ethnicity, gender, spirituality, socio-
economic status, and sexuality.
Our second limitation relates to the depth of data that was gathered via one open-ended survey
question. While much of the data was frank, honest, and uncompromising, collecting data in
this way was limiting in that a significant a number of responses were short and lacking in
much detail. This made analysis of different issues (e.g., impact memorable message on
current sexual activity) difficult. In addition, the open-ended question did not present us with
any opportunities to directly engage with participants, something that hindered our ability to
ask follow-up clarifying questions. Future research on sexual memorable messages, like that
which we’ve outlined in this discussion section, would be wise to facilitate data collection
strategies that allow for extended exchanges that can provide greater depth and
contextualization. Conducting such research on-line (e.g., via personal or group chats) exists
as a distinct possibility (see, for example, Grabner-Kranter & Kaluscha, 2003). Engaging
participants through communicative channels that foster trust and confidentiality is crucial to
maximizing the depth and richness of data.
Through a multidimensional examination of memorable message narratives, including
messages, source, valence, and communication form, our findings also demonstrate the
complex ways in which critical life experiences impact future behavior. For instance, while
readers might assume that all positively-framed familial narratives lead to enhanced positive
attitudes, the opposite was not always the case. This was seen more clearly within a couple of
the memorable memorable narratives that included sexual abuse or observations of other
family members in unhealthy relationships. The participants who provided these descriptions
described the negative characteristics of the situation; yet, within these accounts, they also
defined them as memorable experiences in terms of what sex should not involve. As such,
future research can add considerable depth to the existing literature by examining how current
behaviors are informed by clusters of memorable messages – broadly defined – that are
oftentimes complementary and oppositional. Consequently, a more macro-level line of
research will explore how individuals negotiate competing memorable messages that come
from a variety of sources including the family, peers, and the media (Busse et al., 2010;
Coffelt, 2010; Guo & Nathanson, 2011). Scholars interested in this line of research might
draw from the concept of sensemaking as articulated by Weick (1995). Grounded in both
individual and social activities, sensemaking “involves turning circumstances into a situation
that is comprehended explicitly in words and that serves as a springboard into action” (Weick,
Sutcliffe & Obstfeld, 2005, p. 409). Such a theoretically-informed examination of memorable
message narratives could provide valuable insight into the processes through which
individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds may “make sense” of familial messages in
different ways [see, for example, research on family communication and race (Socha &
Diggs, 1999)].
Our study also lays the foundation for future research that reflects both theoretical and
conceptual innovations. A major contribution of our exploratory study was the productive
ways in which we investigated the narratives of memorable messages broadly defined, given
the powerful ways in which they serve as a template for understanding human life (Browning,
2009). This epistemological shift away from a rational-scientific paradigm (W. Fisher, 1987)
seen in traditional memorable message research (Knapp et al., 1981; Smith et al., 2010)
provides a valuable opportunity to study memorable messages as determined by participant
narratives rather than existing conceptualizations. From the perspective of students at three
diverse colleges and universities, memorable familial messages about sex were gained
through direct talks, but also through personal experiences and observations of others – two
sources of memorable messages that appear in existing literature but are relatively unexplored
(Ellis & Smith, 2004). As such, our findings highlight memorable experiences through which
messages are implicitly gained outside of traditional conceptualizations.
Studying the narratives that individuals tell about memorable experiences – and the messages
associated with these experiences – represents a heuristically rich area for future research and
theorizing. As such, our study highlights the ways that “messages” are generated through a
variety of contexts, some of which that do not stem directly from explicit verbal content.
Future research can continue to explore the communicative features that turn everyday
communicative interactions into memorable experiences that carry life-long messages that are
used to self-assess current and future behaviors (Ellis & Smith, 2004).
Table1: Source *
Source Percentage Example
General Family
Reference
29.1% “I choose to have safe sex because of a
close family member contracting the
HIV virus.”
Both Parents 24.8% “I can say that I do have sex; according
to my religion (Christianity) and parents
I should wait until marriage. I am not
proud that I have sex, I just do.”
Mother 21.8% “The one consistent message I have
received from my mother is to always
learn and know who you lay with before
you commit to the act of sex.”
Sibling 8.9% “My sister works for an AIDS
foundation in Chicago, so at the start of
every semester she gives me “The Talk,”
i.e. the importance of condoms and
watching who I kiss/sleep with.”
Father 6.9% “The fact that my father was never there
when I was young made me believe sex
was a very important part of a
relationship.”
Extended Family
(Cousins, Aunts,
Uncles, Grandparents,
etc.)
6.7% “Ever since I can remember I have heard
that I should only have sexual
encounters when I am in love and
married. I heard this from my whole
family. Because of this and my religious
beliefs my sexual experiences have been
with two men in which I thought I was
in love.”
Other 3.9% “Growing up Catholic, all I ever learned
was abstinence and they did not inform
us of other alternatives, such as birth
control and condoms. This made me
unaware until I was in college and
learned a lot more about safe sex.”
*Some narratives included more than one source, and were coded accordingly. Consequently,
percentages total more than 100%.
Table 2: Communication Form*
Communication
Form Percentage Example
Direct 70.3% “I have been told by my parents
from the age in which sex became a
viable option for me that I should
always keep myself protected and
be committed to the person I am
sleeping with.”
Observation 24.8% “I have a cousin who has had
multiple sex partners since the age
of 16 who is now 19. She would
have unprotected sex with all of
them until she caught an STD from
one of the men. She does not have
sex with random people now and
from seeing her go through what
she went through I always make
sure I use protection with my
boyfriend when having sex.
Indirect 3.9% “When I was 9 years old I wanted
to sleep in my mother’s bed. She
allowed it and after a minute I felt
something weird. I had a used
condom stuck to my leg. My
mother called her boyfriend and
they laughed hysterically. I guess I
learned early that sex is fun and
lighthearted.”
N/A 3.9% “My family is Catholic so we don’t
believe in sex before marriage.”
*Some narratives included more than one communication form, and were coded accordingly.
Consequently, percentages total more than 100%.
Table 3: Valence*
Valence Percentage Example
Negative 37.6% “Just seeing people living with AIDS
has impacted my decision, as well as
the fact that my mom had me when she
was 19 and didn’t get the chance to do
everything she wanted to do at the
time.”
Positive 34.7% “My parents instilled strong morals in
me to make it so that I would wait to
have sex until I was truly in love with
my partner.”
Neutral 27.7% “I was born and raised Christian and
want to continue following this faith so
I will not participate in any penetration
until marriage, I will only go as far as
oral.”
*Some narratives included more than one reference to valence, and were coded accordingly.
Consequently, percentages total more than 100%.
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