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It’s Not You, It’s Me…No, Actually It’s You: Perceptions of What Makes a First Date Successful or Not

DOI:10.1007/s12119-015-9322-1
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Marisa T. Cohen
Marisa T. Cohen
Marisa T. Cohen
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Abstract

Early communication plays an important role in influencing the perceptions one has of an individual. The first form of in-person communication individuals often have with potential romantic partners is during the first date. This date tends to take on the form of a “dance” involving carefully orchestrated conversation and self-disclosures. What is said is certainly important, as are the behaviors exhibited by each member of the dyad. This study examined how individuals interpreted what potential romantic partners say and do during, or immediately following, the first date to get a sense of how they perceive these actions and words. Special attention was placed on the participants’ interpretations of whether or not their date was attracted to them. A survey was given to 390 participants, and many interesting differences were found between the genders. Certain behaviors, such as steering the conversation to the topic of sex signaled to men that their date was attracted to them. However, women looked for different behaviors to infer attraction on the part of their partner, such as mentioning future plans and kissing them goodbye. With a better understanding of how certain phrases and actions influence others, people can be more aware of the signals sent to others upon their pivotal initial encounters.
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ORIGINAL PAPER
It’s Not You, It’s Me…No, Actually It’s You:
Perceptions of What Makes a First Date Successful
or Not
Marisa T. Cohen
1
Published online: 22 October 2015
Springer Science+Business Media New York 2015
Abstract Early communication plays an important role in influencing the per-
ceptions one has of an individual. The first form of in-person communication
individuals often have with potential romantic partners is during the first date.
This date tends to take on the form of a ‘‘dance’’ involving carefully orchestrated
conversation and self-disclosures. What is said is certainly important, as are the
behaviors exhibited by each member of the dyad. This study examined how
individuals interpreted what potential romantic partners say and do during, or
immediately following, the first date to get a sense of how they perceive these
actions and words. Special attention was placed on the participants’ interpretations
of whether or not their date was attracted to them. A survey was given to 390
participants, and many interesting differences were found between the genders.
Certain behaviors, such as steering the conversation to the topic of sex signaled to
men that their date was attracted to them. However, women looked for different
behaviors to infer attraction on the part of their partner, such as mentioning future
plans and kissing them goodbye. With a better understanding of how certain
phrases and actions influence others, people can be more aware of the signals sent
to others upon their pivotal initial encounters.
Keywords First dates Perceptions of behaviors Gender differences
&Marisa T. Cohen
mcohen@sfc.edu
1
St. Francis College, 180 Remsen Street, Brooklyn, NY 11201, USA
123
Sexuality & Culture (2016) 20:173–191
DOI 10.1007/s12119-015-9322-1
Content courtesy of Springer Nature, terms of use apply. Rights reserved.
... The current dating literature focuses almost exclusively on partner perceptions of dating behaviors that are likely to occur within a neurotypical dating context [32][33][34]. As such, the Dating Behaviors Questionnaire was developed for this study to assess perceptions of a wider variety of dating behaviors, inclusive of those that might occur on dates with neurotypical and/or autistic partners. ...
... This response was consistent across all four categories of dating behaviors: rude and unattractive, intrusive, distant, and idiosyncratic behaviors. These results are similar to those of more traditional dating studies which suggest that women are more selective about dating than men and are more likely to perceive dating behaviors negatively than men [32][33][34][42][43][44][45]. There are several potential explanations for why men and women differ in dating selectivity. ...
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