No full-text available
To read the full-text of this research,
you can request a copy directly from the author.
Split Self Affairs and Their Treatment
Abstract
The Split Self Affair is a long-term serious relationship. The split being played out in the affair reflects an internal split between doing things “right” and the emotional self. Treatment for those involved centers on understanding the origins of the internal split and on reclaiming the neglected emotional self. Long term individual therapy is the treatment of choice, augmented by other modalities.
In this chapter I will present a couples’ treatment model that utilizes a social justice framework and integrates spirituality. Many couples seeking therapy come to treatment for an affair. There is extensive literature available on how to work with affairs, yet the intersectionality between spirituality, infidelity, and couple recovery is less known. The literature has only recently begun to address issues of relational justice as it relates to gender and power in affair recovery. Regarding spirituality in infidelity treatment, some models focus on forgiveness, but specifically how spirituality influences treatment and recovery is unknown. Additionally, how to incorporate spiritual interventions from a social justice lens is virtually nonexistent in the marriage and family therapy literature. I will address these intersections through an extended case example, offering specific suggestions in how to address issues of gender, power, spirituality, and affairs in couples treatment and recovery.
Research has long shown that who has the affair, why an individual has an affair, and how couples respond once the secret is out are related to important socio-contextual variables that are seldom explicitly addressed in therapy sessions. In this chapter, we summarize our research findings on the reasons that most approaches to couple therapy for infidelity do not incorporate attention to gender and power. Then we describe the research-based Relational Justice Approach that addresses these concerns through five core components: (a) attention to power dynamics, (b) attunement to gender context, (c) creating space for alternate gender discourses, (d) pursuing relational responsibility of the more powerful partner, and (e) deepening experience of mutual support. Heavily influenced by Socio-Emotional Relationship Therapy (SERT), the Relational Justice Approach creates scaffolding for a therapeutic process that helps couples reorganize imbalances that limit mutuality and relational options in affair recovery.
Sociocontextual factors such as gender and power play an important role in the etiology of affairs and in recovery from them, yet it is unclear how current treatment models address these issues. Drawing on feminist epistemology, this study utilized a grounded theory analysis of 29 scholarly articles and books on infidelity treatment published between 2000 and 2010 to identify the circumstances under which gender and power issues were or were not part of treatment. We found five conditions that limit attention to gender and power: (a) speaking (or assuming) as though partners are equal, (b) reframing infidelity as a relationship problem, (c) limiting discussion of societal context to background, (d) not considering how societal gender and power patterns impact relationship dynamics, and (e) limiting discussion of ethics on how to position around infidelity. Analysis explored how each occurred across three phases of couple therapy. The findings provide a useful foundation for a sociocontextual framework for infidelity treatment.
Among heterosexual couples extramarital affairs are common and they occur with regular frequency. In the short term, the discovery of an affair generally precludes a crisis for both partners and where this is not resolved, negative longer-term effects can be expected. In this article we discuss a number of key issues that have implications for practitioners working with these individuals and couples. At some point in their professional lives all counselors will encounter the dilemmas and challenges associated with a client's infidelity and they will therefore want to keep up-to-date about clinical and empirical developments. In addition to a discussion of the relevant literature, we highlight three specific aspects of working with individuals and couples that are an inherent part of this work. The three areas of handling disclosures, dealing with traumatic reactions, and fostering forgiveness are seen as unavoidable features of working with the complexities of marital infidelity.
Current clinical models for addressing infidelity tend not to make social context issues a central focus; yet, societal gender and power structures, such as female responsibility for relationships and limited male vulnerability, affect the etiology of affairs and create power imbalances in intimate relationships. How therapists respond to these societal influences may either limit or enhance the mutual healing of both persons in the relationship. Thus attention to these societal processes is an ethical issue. This paper presents one perspective, the Relational Justice Approach, for working with infidelity. It places gender, power, and culture at the center of intervention in couple therapy, and includes three stages: (1) creating an equitable foundation for healing, (2) placing the infidelity in a societal context, and (3) practicing mutuality. Each stage is illustrated with case examples and contrasted with current practice regarding infidelity.
ResearchGate has not been able to resolve any references for this publication.