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Health Communication
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Abstinence Memorable Message Narratives: A New
Exploratory Research Study Into Young Adult Sexual
Narratives
Angela Cooke-Jacksona, Mark P. Orbeb, Amber L. Johnsonc & Lydia Kauffmanb
a Communication Studies Department, Emerson College
b School of Communication, Western Michigan University
c Department of Languages & Communication, Prairie View A & M University
Published online: 03 Nov 2014.
To cite this article: Angela Cooke-Jackson, Mark P. Orbe, Amber L. Johnson & Lydia Kauffman (2014): Abstinence Memorable
Message Narratives: A New Exploratory Research Study Into Young Adult Sexual Narratives, Health Communication, DOI:
10.1080/10410236.2014.924045
To link to this article: http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/10410236.2014.924045
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Health Communication, 1–12, 2015
Copyright © Taylor & Francis Group, LLC
ISSN: 1041-0236 print / 1532-7027 online
DOI: 10.1080/10410236.2014.924045
Abstinence Memorable Message Narratives: A New Exploratory
Research Study Into Young Adult Sexual Narratives
Angela Cooke-Jackson
Communication Studies Department
Emerson College
Mark P. Orbe
School of Communication
Western Michigan University
Amber L. Johnson
Department of Languages & Communication
Prairie View A & M University
Lydia Kauffman
School of Communication
Western Michigan University
Abstinence for most adolescent-aged college students relates to several factors, including
strong religious beliefs, an aversion to taking risks, high career expectations, or limited
attractiveness. Young adults receive hundreds of messages from various sources; therefore,
understanding their memorable sexual messages is essential. This exploratory research uses
an interpretive method to unravel the memorable sexual narratives of 65 virgin respondents.
Findings yield two primary themes: involuntary abstinence, and conscious abstinence, which
demonstrate that messages of abstinence are important yet often imbue punitive internal atti-
tudes and beliefs derived from mainstream media and peer relationships. The article concludes
with a recommendation for health practitioners and communication scholars to create posi-
tive open spaces where young adults can discuss sexuality, sexual relationships, and sexual
behaviors. Additionally, understanding stigmas related to abstinence helps reframe normative
sex communication messages and promote constructive short- and long-term sexual health
behaviors.
Upon graduating from high school and prior to their col-
lege entrance, most 18-year-old young adults have experi-
enced numerous encounters with sexual images, sexualized
language, and sexual activities (Brown, Steele, & Walsh-
Childers, 2002; Ward, 2003). The volume of messages they
receive from the media is overwhelming in its normaliza-
tion of sexual encounters as an aspect of adolescence (Earles,
Correspondence should be addressed to Dr. Angela Cooke-Jackson,
Communication Studies Department, Emerson College, 120 Boylston
Street, Boston, MA 02116-4624. E-mail: angela_cooke_jackson@emerson.
edu
Alexander, Johnson, Liverpool, & McGhee, 2002). Scholars
have critiqued pervasive media images that promote “hook-
ing up,” a term reflecting uncommitted sexual encounters
(Elliott & Brantley, 1997; England, Shafer, & Fogarty, 2007;
Grello, Welsh, & Harper, 2006; Lambert, Kahn, & Apple,
2003; Marston & King, 2006; Paul & Hayes, 2000; Paul,
McManus, & Hayes, 2000). These media images are nego-
tiated alongside other competing messages received from
family, religious teachings, and established sex education
programs along with peers and pervasive peer pressure to
hook up (Aubrey, 2004; Holman & Sillar, 2012; Santelli, Ott,
Lyon, Rogers, Summer, & Schleifer, 2006).
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2COOKE-JACKSON ET AL.
Given the high prevalence of sexual activity among this
age group, there has been a major effort to encourage safer
sex practices and/or abstinence among adolescent and young
adults (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2011).
An increasingly large body of abstinence research—much of
which has been published over the past decade—addresses
a range of topics related to teen pregnancy, sexual behavior
and sexually transmitted diseases (Kirby, 2008), abstinence
education and intervention (Beshers, 2007; Mebane, Yam, &
Rimer, 2006), and relapse rates of college students who com-
mit to abstinence (Thomas et al., 2010). While peer-reviewed
journals are rich with public health, biomedical, and psy-
chosocial findings on abstinence, we have yet to unravel
the internal cues that motivate some young adults to make
a commitment, and remain committed, to virginity.
The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health
research indicates that 16% of adults between 18 and 23 have
not had intercourse; by age 27, that figure decreases to 8%
(Harris et al., 2009). According to Regnerus (2007), absti-
nence for most adolescent-aged college students is related
to a variety of factors including strong religious beliefs, an
aversion to taking risks, high career expectations, or limited
attractiveness (Blinn Pike, 1999). The most pervasive belief
is that religiosity is the most prevalent reason for individu-
als’ decisions to maintain their virginity (Carpenter, 2005).
A commitment to remaining a virgin, however, doesn’t
necessarily entail abstinence from all sexual activity.
Young people vary in the ways they define abstinence.
While terms like “virginity” and “sex” are debated in
the research community, what constitutes sexual activity
(i.e., genital contact or sexual stimulation between two
persons) can be characterized differently among young
adults (Bersamin, Fisher, Walker, Hill, & Grube, 2007;
Pitts & Rahman, 2001; Rosenbaum, 2006; Sanders &
Reinisch, 1999; Sawyer, Howard, Brewster-Jordan, Gavin,
& Sherman, 2007). For instance, a variety of studies found
that young adults generally agreed that penile–vaginal inter-
course counted as “having sex” (Sanders et al., 1999; Sawyer
et al., 2007). Also, two studies on abstinence and infectious
diseases found that participants believed engaging in mutual
masturbation, oral sex, and anal intercourse to be charac-
teristic of abstinence—and thus not officially “sex” (Horan,
Phillips, & Hagan, 1998; Sawyer et al., 2007).
As demonstrated within this brief introduction, a small
but growing body of literature on the conceptual, opera-
tional, and practical definitions of abstinence and virginity
exists. Yet there is little scholarly research about virgins’
thought processes regarding their decisions to remain absti-
nent (Stevens-Simon, 2001). To date, no studies identifying
the memorable messages that are linked to decisions to
remain abstinent were found. In an era marked by high rates
of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) in young adult pop-
ulations, and billions of dollars of direct costs to treat them
(Chesson, Blandford, Gift, Tao, & Irwin, 2004), explorations
on this topic can provide an important aspect to abstinence
literature and useful strategic tools for health communication
scholars and practitioners (Finer, 2007).
Memorable Messages About Relationships and Sex
The ubiquitous and complex combination of messages from
various sources in our society exists on the fringes of our
short-term memory. (Smith, Ellis, & Yoo, 2001). These
messages, which Stohl (1986)describes as “memorable mes-
sages,” are typically short discursive units that manifest in
behavioral proverbs and “rules of thumb,” are remembered
for a long period, and have a major influence on an individ-
uals’ lives. Accordingly, Knapp, Stohl, and Reardon (1981)
note that only a select few messages become “memorable,”
because they can be recalled after a lengthy time and they
continue to have a profound influence on a person’s life.
Memorable messages are personal and legitimate messages
(Stohl, 1986), internalized and taken to heart (Knapp et al.,
1981), that become a lasting influence on people’s lives (Ellis
& Smith, 2004). A message is memorable because it pro-
vides an answer to an inner conflict or personal problem,
prompts a greater understanding of self, or provides a guide
to self-assessment of behavior that is analyzed and discussed
(Smith, Ellis, & Yoo, 2001). Consequently, they represent
“rich sources of information about ourselves, our society,
and our ways of communicating” (Knapp, 1981, p. 40).
Over the past 25 years, communication scholars have
studied memorable messages in terms of organizational
socialization (e.g., Dallimore, 2003; Stohl, 1986), influ-
ence of family communication (e.g., Ellis & Smith, 2004;
Medved, Brogan, McClanahan, Morris, & Shepherd, 2006;
Lucas & Buzzanell, 2012), perceptions of illness and health
care (e.g., Keely, 2004; Lauckner et al., 2012; Smith et al.,
2009; Smith et al., 2010), constructions of identity (Heisler
& Ellis, 2008; Holladay, 2002) and understandings of dis-
crimination in an increasingly diverse world (Camara &
Orbe, 2010). Earlier research suggested that most memo-
rable messages reported were received from someone older
and of higher status in comparison to the participant (Knapp
et al., 1981); however, more recent studies have identified
that different sources, including peers, can also be impor-
tant sources of memorable messages (Smith et al., 2010).
In short, memorable messages provide a general guideline
for what should or should not be done in a given situation and
are recalled when a decision must be made of how to behave.
Accordingly, they provide a valuable conceptual framework
to study the thought processes of young college adults who
abstain from sex.
Traditionally, memorable message research has fol-
lowed a rational-scientific model whereby memorable mes-
sages were measured in terms of their role in self-
assessing current and past behaviors (e.g., Ellis & Smith,
2004). Given our interest in participant recollections
of memorable messages regarding abstinence, we adopt
narrative theory (Fisher, 1987) as a theoretical lens to
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ABSTINENCE MEMORABLE MESSAGE NARRATIVES 3
highlight the narratological nature of memorable expe-
riences. Narratology serves to extend narrative theory.
Browning (2009) defines narratology as that which seeks to
study and theorize complex stories—“what they are made of,
how they are structured, and what we gain from using them
as a vehicle for communication” (p. 673). Given that narra-
tives highlight human sense-making (i.e., the ways individu-
als’ construct identities, relationships, and lives specifically
through the stories they tell), treating descriptions of memo-
rable experiences through narratives is consistent with qual-
itative methodology that adopts a humanistic approach to
communication research (Bute & Jensen, 2011; Manoogian,
Harter, & Denham, 2010). While one health-oriented arti-
cle found narratology useful for understanding narratives
that health care professionals assign to their patients in
online medical blogs, few examples exist in current health
communication research literature (Peter & Gillett, 2012).
Accordingly, we seek to explore memorable experiences,
and the messages that are associated with them, through sto-
ries that hold special meaning and contain important life
lessons (Browning, 2009).
Numerous studies have demonstrated the important role
that parents, peers, romantic partners, and the media serve in
providing memorable messages regarding sex (e.g., Dilorio
et al., 2003; Fisher, 1988; Morgan & Zurbriggen, 2007;
Ward, 2003; Wood et al., 2002). According to Brown
(1999), individuals utilize the information from these exter-
nal sources as a means to determine what is regarded as
appropriate and desirable in terms of relational and sexual
behaviors. For instance, Kellas (2010) concluded that rela-
tional worldviews are developed through memorable mes-
sages received by daughters from their mothers. Depending
on the type and quality of relationship (see also Fisher,
1988), this form of intergenerational communication was
found to be extremely influential on future romantic behav-
ior. Interestingly, Morgan and Zurbriggen (2007) found that
the negotiation of the first sexual partner also has a lasting
impact on sexual and relational influences. Their research
demonstrated the multidimensional nature of memorable
messages that are formulated from different sources over
the course of one’s life and the complex ways that they
shape ideas and beliefs about current and future sexual
encounters.
As demonstrated in the literature review, the concep-
tual framework of memorable messages has been utilized
to study various quantitative and qualitative communicative
contexts in research studies (e.g., Barge & Schlueter, 2004;
Ford & Ellis, 1998; Knapp et al., 1981; Smith & Ellis, 2001;
Stohl, 1986). Unlike existing research, we adopt narratology
to study how meaning is generated through memorable expe-
rience narratives (e.g., Manoogian et al., 2010). Thus, the
exploratory nature of this study on memorable messages
about sex utilizes an interpretive lens to gain insight on
the following research question: What memorable message
narratives regarding sex were identified by students who
reported never having had sex?
AN INDUCTIVE, DISCOVERY-ORIENTED
METHODOLOGICAL FRAMEWORK
Participants and Procedures
The sample used for this study (N=65) was part of a
larger investigation that examined human papillomavirus
(HPV) knowledge, behavior, and memorable messages
about sex. Undergraduates (N=476) from three different
U.S. campuses—a small Northeastern private urban col-
lege, a large upper Midwestern land-grant university, and a
Southern historically Black university—completed the sur-
vey. The sexual message narratives of participants (14%)
who self-identified as never before having had sex (vagi-
nal, oral, or anal)1are the focus of the present analysis.
Most were enrolled in communication courses and given
extra credit opportunities; however, to widen and diversify
the participant pool, the survey was administered to other
students across all campuses. No incentive was given to these
participants.
After giving informed consent participants completed a
presurvey that focused on HPV knowledge, sexual expe-
riences, and knowledge of sexually transmitted infections.
A secondary set of open-ended questions asked partici-
pants to provide memorable message narratives. A Critical
Incident Technique (Flanagan, 1954) was used as a method-
ological procedure to offer rich data on the content, source,
and circumstances of memorable messages about sex (Stohl,
1986). The questions called for “a brief but detailed story
that describes something from your past—a story, memory,
experience, and/or message from another source—that has
most impacted your CURRENT SEXUAL PRACTICES”
(see Kauffman et al., 2013). Morgan and Zurbriggen (2007)
note that this self-report methodological approach helps
participants “narrate their own experiences within these
interactions as opposed to asking participants to respond to
topics chosen by the researchers” (p. 519). Participants’ sto-
ries were between one or two sentences long and several
paragraphs in length.
Demographic information was gathered with an open-
ended prompt that asked participants to provide a self-
description of their identity in ways that captured how
they “construct and perform complex, heterogeneous
communicative lives” (Houston, 2002, p. 37). This strategy
counters the scientific approach whereby participants
1The survey question explicitly defined sex in terms of vaginal, oral, and
anal variations as a means to foster consistent definitions among researchers
and participants, something that has been problematic in the past (Sawyer
et al., 2007).
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4COOKE-JACKSON ET AL.
respond to predetermined categories (Orbe & Everett, 2006)
and mirrors a naturalistic approach that asserts that the
individuals should be asked to provide their own labels, pre-
sumably ones that have meaning for them (Martin, Krizek,
Nakayama, & Bradford, 1996). Consistent with the induc-
tive, discovery-oriented values of qualitative research, demo-
graphic data were collected to emphasize the intersectional
nature of identities (Chavez, 2012; Crenshaw, 1989) while
contextualizing the narratives in meaningful ways.
Though gathering demographic information via this
means can seem challenging, straightforward identity mark-
ers were observed like these: The virgin participants were
ages 18–23 years, overwhelmingly female (75% female,
25% male), and fairly representative from each data collec-
tion site (42% from the large Midwestern public university,
32% from the small private urban college, and 26% from
the mid-sized historically Black university in the South).
Other variables were more difficult to summarize (i.e., the
diversity of the participants in terms of race/ethnicity, sexual
orientation, and spirituality).
Thematic Analytical Process
Three criteria (repetition, recurrence, and forcefulness)
were used to assist in the emergence of participant’s pri-
mary memorable message themes regarding abstinence from
sex (Owen, 1984). Specifically, the thematic analytic pro-
cess included four steps. Researchers first extracted the
65 responses from the larger data set. Next, we reviewed
the data subset to locate the numeral frequencies at which
specific words and phrases (repetition) appeared across par-
ticipant narratives. Third, we recorded the manner in which
similar meanings were expressed through various articula-
tions (recurrence) from different participants. Finally, we
took note of the power behind certain excerpts that were
emphasized through different codes, punctuations, or format.
After the initial thematic analysis, potential themes were
reevaluated using this preliminary organizational structure
as an efficient means to facilitate another level of analysis
whereby several key overarching memorable message-based
themes could be identified.2The result of this thematic ana-
lytic process was the emergence of two topically focused
memorable message narrative categories reported as most
salient for young adults who have abstained from sex.
FINDINGS
Thematic Insights
Participants who self-described as never having sex shared
a number of memorable message narratives that directly
2This process involved focusing on the essence of memorable messages
(rather than the source or impact) and collapsing more specific preliminary
themes into more broadly defined categories.
impacted their decision to remain abstinent. After analysis
we categorized the narratives as (a) involuntary abstinence
and (b) conscious abstinence. For instance, a few individuals
in our sample described their current sexual inactivity as one
of involuntary circumstances. While one 19-year-old white
woman stated, “All the boys I go to school with are gay,”
other participants reasoned that their virginity was the result
of being physically unattractive. For example, a 20-year-
old Christian, bisexual woman from rural New Hampshire
wrote:
I have not had a sexual encounter yet. I think that is due to
society’s view of me. I have been slightly overweight since
a very young age. Because of this I have been tormented for
much of my life and have never felt sexually desired.
It is important to recognize these isolated narratives because
they demonstrate how lack of sexual experience is not
always a conscious choice fueled by particular memorable
messages.3A second category of abstinence was extrapo-
lated from participants who shared conscious memorable
message narratives that directly influenced their decision to
remain virgins. Three primary themes emerged in this cate-
gory, namely, (a) religious motivations, as abstinence from
sex; (b) “the right one”—waiting for a committed relation-
ships, as abstinence from sex; and (c) sex as scary, taboo,
and risky, as abstinence from sex.
Religious motivations as abstinence from sex.
Given existing literature (e.g., Stevens-Simon, 2001), it was
not surprising that a primary memorable message narra-
tive cited by virgin participants was grounded in spiritual
teachings. Many participants were straightforward in not-
ing how their religious beliefs were directly related to their
decision to abstain from sex. One 19-year-old heterosexual,
white, Christian woman from Michigan simply stated: “I am
waiting until I am married to have sex. It’s for religious
reasons because I want to be pure.” Similarly, a 21-year-
old straight, Black, female Muslim from West Africa wrote:
“Being a Muslim, I am not supposed to have sex before
marriage. Moreover, my culture and my family are very
religious and strict about sexual relations.” Personal com-
mitments to abstain from sex until marriage were a frequent
theme, as illustrated in the comments from a 21-year-old
African American woman from Michigan who is “single &
mingling”:
I personally decided at a young age to abstain from sex until
marriage. I am a Christian so as a part of my faith sex is
taught as something as a part of marriage and outside of mar-
riage it is a sin. (Proverbs 6) Therefore I choose to abstain.
Also, because when I do get married I never want my partner
3An alternative interpretation of these narratives is that these individu-
als’ lack of sexual experience is based on a memorable message that “sex
is only for those who are attractive by societal standards.” The tenor of the
participants’ words, however, does not reveal that this is a message that has
been directly processed in those terms.
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ABSTINENCE MEMORABLE MESSAGE NARRATIVES 5
to have to endure stories of previous sexual encounters. He’ll
be my first, last and only!
For these individuals, abstaining from sex—while steeped
in religious memorable messages—was seen as instrumen-
tal in developing a healthy relationship. This associative
meaning was articulated by a 19-year-old heterosexual man
from Boston, “who was raised in a Christian, home-schooled
environment”:
I have chosen not to have sex until I am married because I
do not believe a healthy relationship needs to be consum-
mated before choosing to marry each other. I have come to
this conclusion through my Christian religion and my home-
schooled upbringing. I think that if a person can respect the
decision to wait for their partner, then a healthier relationship
will be formed.
Several participants discussed the stigma associated with
religious views, abstinence, and the complexity of adhering
to the memorable message narrative of waiting. A 20-
year-old heterosexual, devout Roman Catholic female from
Michigan alluded to the stigma that is associated with virgin-
ity on some college campuses when she wrote:
I am a virgin because of religious reasons. I believe in wait-
ing ‘til marriage and that sex is a beautiful thing that should
be sacred. However in today’s society, I feel that it’s all about
sex. Most of my friends don’t know or believe that I am a vir-
gin and when people find out, it’s like it’s looked down upon.
I’m very strong on remaining a virgin, although it has been
very hard and I have almost lost my virginity a few times.
Other participants described how their commitment to
abstain from sex until they were married presented some
challenges, especially in ongoing committed relationships
with individuals that they cared about. This was the situation
described by a 19-year-old straight, Black, Christian female
from Texas. In her narrative, she recounted how her deci-
sion to remain abstinent until marriage has cost her some
romantic relationships:
I’ve never had sex, mainly because of my religious beliefs
to wait until marriage. I think it’s cost me a few potential
relationships. The most awkward sexual encounter I’ve had
was when a guy who was interested in dating me, but knew
I was waiting for “real” sex asked via text if I would let him
give me oral sex. I consider “head” real sex as well. Besides
being kinda offended by the way I was approached, it kinda
surprised me that he was intent on giving me head instead of
trying to get it.
Remaining committed to abstinence until marriage was a
priority for participants who cited the saliency of spiritual
memorable message narratives. For several individuals this
memorable message was grounded in other spiritual teach-
ings, such as those described by a 20-year-old straight male
from China:
I come from a Christian family and I have been taught since
I was young to not have sex until marriage. I’ve been taught
that sex leaves a lasting impression on both parties and hav-
ing sex with multiple partners can destroy one spiritually.
I decided to not have sex till marriage because I respect my
parents’ teachings.
For some the challenge of adhering to the core values
grounded in spiritual messages was negotiated through a
strong self-concept. This was reflected in the following
narrative:
I was with a boy for 5 years who I was very much in love
with and we had made the mutual decision not to have sex.
...Though our relationship didn’t work out, I have carried
that standard to any new relationship that I conduct. To me,
it’s for people who are truly in love and have made an ever-
lasting commitment to one another. Until I’m sure I’ve found
that person—I want to wait. (19-year-old heterosexual, white
female from New England)
“The right one”—Waiting for committed relationships
as abstinence from sex. A second memorable message
narrative that emerged from the data is that sex is reserved
for serious, committed relationships. Early in the analy-
sis this theme seemed to collide with the first; however,
after richer extrapolations it was reserved as a different
aspect of abstinence worth consideration. For these indi-
viduals, their decision to abstain from sex is not based
directly on spiritual teachings; instead, it is steeped in the
idea that sex should only occur between those in commit-
ted relationships—married or not. An 18-year-old Hispanic
American female from Boston noted, “I have decided to wait
to have sex, not necessarily until I’m married but just until
I find someone that I really trust.” This distinction was cap-
tured further in the narrative of a “19-year-old straight, White
Catholic, single female virgin” that wrote:
I can’t really say what has impacted my decision not to
have sex until marriage. My parents never put the idea in
my head, and I am not a super religious person. I guess
I’m just smart—sex isn’t something to joke about. To me,
it’s a serious subject that requires a lot of thinking before
acting. When I do have sex I want it to be with someone
I know really well and care about, not just the boyfriend of
the month.
Consistent across participant narratives was the idea that
sex is something special: “I have never been in a serious
monogamous relationship before, which is the big reason
why I haven’t had sex. Having sex is something that should
be special, and my past relationships have never gotten to
that level” (22-year-old straight, white male from Michigan).
A similar narrative was shared by a 20-year-old single White,
heterosexual female from a New York City suburb, who
described herself as an atheist. She wrote:
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6COOKE-JACKSON ET AL.
I’ve never been in a relationship and have never otherwise
been in a situation to have sex. I am not waiting for mar-
riage nor do I hold religious or moral beliefs, which hold me
back in any extreme manner from having sex. I will when
I am with someone I trust and with whom I feel comfort-
able. Despite my lack of experience, I have friends with a
wide range of experiences from over ten sexual partners in
the past year to similar to my own experience. I am com-
fortable to, and have spoken openly and frankly about sex as
well as its consequences with nearly all of my friends.
When prompted to identify a memorable message narrative
about sex, one 19-year-old heterosexual, White woman from
New England wrote, “To wait until you find the right one.
There is truly a difference in finding the right one and just
sleeping around.” Waiting for “the right one” was a message
that explicitly appeared within the memorable message nar-
ratives provided by several participants. This was the case for
a 19-year-old Hispanic American, single female from West
Michigan. In her narrative, she stated:
The way my mother has raised me has indefinitely impacted
my decision to wait to have sex with the right person.
My mom has always taught the girls in our family to respect
their bodies and how they use them, because it’s both inner
and outer beauty that should matter to men, not just the
physical aspect.
For these participants, “the right one” reflected a relationship
where love, trust, and respect were mutually communicated.
Interestingly, the memorable messages that informed this
approach to sex seemed to be grounded in spiritual val-
ues but negotiated beyond that foundation over time. For
instance, the narrative from one participant appears to trace
her commitment to abstain from casual sex to her parents’
conservative teachings; however, her current attitudes have
embraced the possibility of sex outside of marriage.
My parents came from two very conservative families and
believed that every relationship was special. They never
talked to me about sex being something to do with a
boyfriend but with a husband. This may seem old fash-
ioned but it stuck with me and reminded me that sex isn’t
a recreational activity but a special experience. If the right
person comes along, I will probably choose to have sex but
as of right now that has not happened. (20-year-old straight,
White, single female from Massachusetts)
Most of the narratives that reflected the memorable message
that sex is reserved for serious, committed relationships were
grounded in personal commitments generated through com-
munication with parents, older family members, and friends.
Another participant, however, described how her commit-
ment to abstain from sex with people who don’t “deserve
it” was strengthened through a personal experience, as well
as media images. The following is a narrative provided
by a 21-year-old Caucasian, American female from New
England:
When I was a sophomore in high school I went from never
having been kissed to being kissed and extremely felt up in
one night by a boy who I had just met. Although I allowed
him to do so because I thought that’s what I wanted, I was
very wrong. I learned a lot about myself that night and I
didn’t feel comfortable letting someone I wasn’t close to
touch me the way he did. I vowed that I would never let
myself feel that way again or let anyone touch me in cer-
tain places that don’t deserve it. I would also say that TV
shows about young people getting sexually transmitted dis-
eases has impacted my decision to hold off on sex until it’s
with someone I know and love.
Sex as scary, taboo, and risky as abstinence from
sex. The third primary memorable message narrative that
emerged throughout the data is based on the idea that sex
is scary and that sexual intimacy is filled with physical and
psychological risks. A number of these memorable message
narratives emerged from direct communication with family
and friends, as well as from observations of peer and mass-
mediated relationships. When asked to describe one specific
story, memory, experience, and/or message from another
source that most influences their current sexual practices,
several participants used the words “fear” and/or “scared” in
their narratives. Examples include the 18-year-old question-
ing female in an open relationship from southern California
who stated, “I watched Pink Flamingos and there was a rape
scene that changed my perspective from curiosity to fear,”
or the 19-year-old White, single male from Michigan who
stated, “My friends having kids at the age of 16 scared the
hell out of me.” For these participants, “sex is scary” had
direct ties to its taboo nature. For instance, one 18-year-
old female virgin of Irish/German descent, who was raised
in the South, demonstrated this reality within her narrative.
Raised as a Christian but currently identifying as agnostic,
she wrote:
When I was in high school, we did not have a sex education
program. We had an abstinence program. The school basi-
cally coerced us into pledging that we would remain a virgin
until we got married. I’m from Arkansas and unfortunately
that’s their policy. It’s probably the reason they have such a
high rate of teenage pregnancies. My parents and I haven’t
really communicated about sex. I think they’re afraid to talk
to me about it. Now I am an 18-year-old virgin who is scared
of engaging in sexual intercourse.
A 23-year-old Christian Asian female from New England
who reported never having been in a “deep relationship”
before stated:
Lots of my friends described that it [their first sexual
encounter] was not a great experience. It hurts them—the
partner did not care what they, my friends, were feeling dur-
ing the intercourse. That makes me scared of having sex with
anyone yet.
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ABSTINENCE MEMORABLE MESSAGE NARRATIVES 7
Similarly, a young, White female from the Midwest shared,
“I have just heard my friends talk about bad situations when
having sex and it makes me not want to try at all.”
Several participants shared memorable message narra-
tives that were rooted in a fear that sex could result in
several negative consequences. One 22-year-old straight,
White male from Michigan shared:
I’m not sexually active, but personally I’m afraid that I will
mess up and have sex with someone who could have a dis-
ease and not disclose that to me. I would rather wait until
I’m with someone I know is clean and plan on having a
relationship with.
Another participant—a 19-year-old White, Catholic male
from Michigan—shared how his abstinence was based on a
“worry that something will go wrong, for example, the con-
dom breaking.” While this particular person did not point
to a particular source for this memorable message narrative,
other participants did describe how observing others deterred
any sexual activity. A 19-year-old Black, Christian female
from Texas, for instance, wrote:
Just seeing people living with AIDS has impacted my deci-
sion, as well as the fact that my mom had me when she was
19 and didn’t get the chance to do everything she wanted to
do at that time.
Other individuals who participated in the online study
recounted how they learned lessons from other young peo-
ple their own age who “made the mistake” of becoming
sexually active before they could handle the responsibili-
ties that came with that decision. One 20-year-old African
American female from Texas wrote, “I look at other teens
that end up pregnant and are not financially stable and I
don’t want to end up like that.” The risk of an unwanted
pregnancy, sexually transmitted infection, and/or psycholog-
ical stress stemming from a sexual relationship was seen as
detrimental to one’s ability to achieve his or her life goals.
As one 19-year-old European American, single woman from
Massachusetts shared, “I have always been very focused
and driven about my goals and when learning about the
potential negative consequences of having sex, I have cho-
sen to wait until I feel that I am with the right person and
the time is right.” Several other participants provided nar-
ratives that reflected memorable messages that established
that premature sexual relationships put individual’s personal,
educational, and career goals at risk. While “safe sex” could
reduce the risk considerably, these participants described
the fear that the only true means to be safe was through
abstinence.
The cumulative strength of multiple memorable
messages. A significant number of participants offered
narratives that contained multiple variations of the differ-
ent memorable message narratives outlined earlier. In this
final section, participants’ narratives are combined to offer
the reflective voices of abstinence.
While dominant thematic patterns emerged across partic-
ipants’ narratives, the messages of religious beliefs, views
of being with the “right one,” fears, taboos, and mem-
orable negative sexual consequences often naturally coa-
lesced. A 19-year-old African American female from Texas
provides evidence of this synergy in her narrative. A practic-
ing Seventh Day Adventist for her entire life, she has been in
a monogamous relationship for 2 years:
My religion impacts my current sexual practices. They tell
me that I should wait until I’m married to have sex. Another
thing that impacts my current sexual practices is the thought
of either getting pregnant, or catching a long term STI like
AIDS or HIV, or catching an STI in general.
A similar dynamic existed in the comments of another par-
ticipant, this one a 20-year-old single, White female from
Michigan who wrote:
Aside from my religion affecting my decision to abstain
from sexual activities, I have watched too many of my close
friends go through pregnancy scares, two of whom are cur-
rently pregnant. I have decided to stay abstinent until I am
married ... it is a promise I made to my aunt. My aunt
Crystal and I are extremely close and my promise to her
will remain sacred until I am in a committed and respectable
relationship.
Other participants did not verbalize any memorable mes-
sages tied to religious beliefs, but did provide narratives
steeped in dual messages that sex is both reserved for seri-
ous, committed relationships, and filled with risks based on a
host of potential negative consequences (i.e., sexually trans-
mitted infections, pregnancy, etc.). Consider the following
excerpt from a 21-year-old straight female virgin from New
Hampshire:
I have never been in a serious relationship. My parents are
divorced and I have been raised believing that sex is only
something to share with someone you love. I also know
several people whom I am very close with who have been
sexually assaulted which has affected my thoughts on sex.
This multidimensional message that includes divorce, the
“right one,” and fear of sexual assault is not that differ-
ent from that of another participant, a 19-year-old White,
female, first-year student from Michigan, who offered a
similar sentiment:
I don’t have sex because I believe that sex is for after mar-
riage. I have believed this all of my life and I won’t be
pressured into having sex just because everyone one else is.
I also don’t want to risk getting an STI or getting pregnant.
I am not ready for that kind of responsibility if something
like that happened to me. I have goals in life and I can’t
afford to get side tracked.
The thematic findings from this exploratory qualitative data
analysis demonstrate how memorable message narratives
that influence decisions related to sexual activity are often
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8COOKE-JACKSON ET AL.
multidimensional. While one particular message may carry
the greatest saliency, other messages can work to contradict
or reinforce one another. Within our data, we did not find
any narratives that included contradictory memorable mes-
sages; possibly this was because we asked specifically about
something that had the greatest impact on one’s current sex-
ual practices. However, as demonstrated within this section,
we did find instances where participants provided examples
of different memorable message narratives. We conclude
our findings section by sharing the comments written by
an “18-year-old Nigerian-American Charismatic-Christian
female from Southern California.” While the saliency of her
spirituality is evident in her self-description, her response
collectively highlights the primary themes.
Aside from my religion affecting my decision to abstain from
sexual activities, I want my first sexual experience to be with
someone who I really care about. Plus, I have watched too
many of my close friends go through pregnancy scares, two
of whom are currently pregnant. I have years of schooling
still ahead of me, and although I would love to be a mother
some day, the timing just would not be right ...and the
overall situation would be unfair to me and my child.
DISCUSSION
Singular purpose, commitment, and deep resolve seem
appropriate words for this small population of young adults
who have decidedly made pledges to abstinence. As evi-
dent by the emergent themes, young adults are influenced
by a number of sexual memorable message narratives, such
as friends’ negative experiences, parental advice, unwanted
pregnancy, and religion. The unambiguous message, how-
ever, is the negative implications of having sex. While some
scholars note this to be the normative rhetoric that dominates
abstinence literature, there must be a call to bring positive
discourse to this message paradigm (Morgan et al., 2007;
Ward, Epstein, Caruthers, & Merriwether, 2011).
This formative research sought to investigate messages
about abstinence that exist among college students who seek
to negotiate their relationships. The involuntary and con-
scious categories, as well as salient themes that emerged
from young adults abstinence memorable message narra-
tives, are all congruent with the current research literature
(Morgan, et al., 2007; Regnerus, 2007). The collective con-
sistency of these messages highlights the importance that
young abstinent adults place on their beliefs about having
sex before marriage or only when in long-term intimate rela-
tionships. Given that current data contend “premarital sex as
normative behavior” and “universal by the age of 30,” it is
necessary not only that health practitioners and communica-
tion scholars create positive open spaces to discuss sexuality
and sexual relationships but that abstinence be reframed for
those who choose it as logical, and free of worry and anguish
(Finer, 2007, p. 78).
Numerous questions come to light from these find-
ings. For instance, can memorable message narratives espe-
cially regarding abstinence provide cohesion among young
adults? Can informative communication channels among
this group promote positive dialogues that encourage and
sustain abstinence, and finally, can messages be developed
that shift abstinence from a stigmatizing isolating perspec-
tive to a more affirming perspective? These are all questions
that research scholars and particularly health practitioners
need to consider. It is evident from our findings that most,
if not all, young adults seem to have some sort of negative
context surrounding the messages they have received. Given
the alarming rate of STIs (Kirby, 2008) and messaging that
encourages “hookin’ up” (Holman & Sillar, 2012; Paul &
Hayes, 2000; Paul, McManus, & Hayes, 2000), scholars and
health practitioners must ask whether rigid messages that
eliminate a comprehensive understanding of sexual activity
motivate adherence to abstinence (Kirby, 2008)
Many young adults participating in this research project
also seem to believe themselves to be alone in their com-
mitment to abstinence. Most function on the belief that
everyone around them is sexually active; however, these
findings show the contrary.4For this small percentage who
believe abstinence is best for them until long-term and com-
mitted relationships transpire, current messaging must be
reevaluated. From a health perspective, providing opportu-
nities for open dialogue among the population might help
them realize they are not alone in their endeavor. By includ-
ing young adults in the dialogue, scholars could be more
strategic and comprehensive as we seek to develop sexual
health information and messaging targeted at this specific
population. Furthermore, those who feel they are alone in
their decision might become encouraged in the realization
that other peer members, not just a well-intended adult or
parent, actually view virginity/abstinence as a worthwhile
endeavor for a variety of reasons.
Understanding memorable message narratives, particu-
larly concerning young adults who have made a commitment
to virginity, takes a critical step toward an important vein
of research that some scholars contend we need more of in
order to deconstruct the sexual context and social behavior
of young adults (Marston et al., 2006; Morgan et al., 2007).
Moreover, the data that were collected from diverse partic-
ipants (N=65) across three different geographical regions
represent an exploratory study positioned to stimulate future
research.
The methodological nature of this study highlights the
productive ways in which online surveys can engage a large,
diverse participant pool and can collect anonymous data on
a sensitive (if not taboo) topic such as sex. Notably, the data
were frank, honest, and uncompromising; however, collect-
ing it via an open-ended survey question has limitations. For
4The percentage of virgin respondents in a sample of 476 was 14%.
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ABSTINENCE MEMORABLE MESSAGE NARRATIVES 9
instance, researchers did not have the privilege to engage in
face-to-face communication with participants, thus remov-
ing opportunities to ask follow-up clarifying questions.5
Future research on memorable message narratives about sex
would be wise. Such discussions could facilitate data collec-
tion strategies that allow for extended exchanges and pro-
vide greater depth and contextualization. Conducting such
research in small friendship groups exists as a distinct possi-
bility (see, e.g., Goins, 2011). The “passive” observation of
friends in an informal setting would provide an opportunity
for the researcher to gather information of the ‘‘phenomenon
in its natural state as undisturbed as possible’’ (Potter, 1996,
p. 102). Notably, engaging participants through communica-
tive channels that foster trust and confidentiality is crucial to
maximizing the depth and richness of the each individual’s
narratives about sexual behaviors.
Implications for Future Research and Practice
Several new lines of research are worth exploring in future
studies. First, more research is needed to uncover impli-
cations that memorable sex messages have on other popu-
lations of young adults who have decidedly chosen absti-
nence. This research has excellent potential especially for
understanding the memorable sex messages of different cul-
tural and ethnic young adults. For instance, there is an
assumption among strongly religious, ethnic populations
that virginity is a given (i.e., specifically young Muslim
females and Muslim males); even if this is true, understand-
ing the richer cultural/religious context of these memorable
messages would be insightful. Second, this work can help
researchers learn from young males how and from whom
they develop their memorable messages and how these mes-
sages inform their current sexual behaviors. Prior to their
first sexual debut, males receive numerous messages (i.e.,
via media, music, movies, Internet, along with peers, fam-
ilies, society, etc.) about how they should live up to societal
expectations regarding sex. As such, conducting young adult
male-only focus groups or in-depth interviews that address
the current article’s research question could provide valuable
data for health practitioners and communication scholars.
Understanding how these messages are typically normal-
ized and embedded in societal expectations and function to
shape sexual behaviors and norms, as well as sexual roles, is
especially crucial in today’s hypersexual culture. For exam-
ple, Morgan and Zurbriggen’s (2007) research contends that
the urgency and consistency of male sexual pressure can be
daunting for females. As such, we believe that research of
5In fact, some narratives were so short that it proved difficult to
get a sense of what made the particular experience so memorable for
the participant. Having opportunities to further engage participants for
greater explanation and clarification would be extremely valuable in further
understanding their experience.
this nature can provide a deeper understanding of males’ per-
spectives surrounding sexual messages and the implications
of those messages. Third, understanding memorable sexual
messages during the formative years of young adults’ life
cycles can provide opportunities for adolescents and young
adults to prepare for their first sexual relationships with
knowledgeable professionals and open spaces to help them
“circumvent problematic interactions” (Morgan et al., 2007,
p. 538).
Finally, this study lays the foundation for future research
that reflects both theoretical and conceptual innovations.
A major contribution of this exploratory study of sexual
narratives of abstinence to existing literature is the produc-
tive ways this study investigated the narratives of memo-
rable messages broadly defined, given the powerful ways
in which they serve as a template for understanding human
life (Browning, 2009). This epistemological shift away from
a rational-scientific paradigm (Fisher, 1987) seen in tradi-
tional memorable message research (Knapp et al., 1981;
Smith et al., 2010) provides a valuable opportunity to study
memorable messages as determined by participant narra-
tives rather than as existing conceptualizations. From the
perspective of students at three diverse colleges and universi-
ties, memorable message narratives about sex and abstinence
were gained through personal experiences—something that
appears in existing literature but is relatively unexplored
(Ellis & Smith, 2004). As such, the findings highlight mem-
orable experiences through which messages are implicitly
gained outside of traditional conceptualizations. In short, the
findings indicate that self-behaviors (experiences) can gener-
ate memorable messages. Given this, studying the narratives
that individuals share about memorable experiences—and
the valuable lessons associated with these experiences—
represents a heuristically rich area for future research and
theorizing. As such, this study highlights the ways in which
“messages” are generated through a variety of contexts,
some of which do not necessarily stem directly from explicit
verbal content. Future research can continue this work by
examining how memorable experiences are used to self-
assess current and future behaviors (Ellis & Smith, 2004).
CONCLUSION
This study was designed to understand the memorable mes-
sage narratives, which influence young adults sexual behav-
iors, particularly those who are virgins. Though the sample
size is small, the results reveal that while messages of absti-
nence can be important for young adults as they negotiate
their sexual experiences, most are imbued with punitive
internal narratives derived from personal and peer experi-
ences, media, and family members. Even though youth are
growing up in a hypersexualized era, some choose to remain
abstinent. Because research emphasizes the value of mem-
orable messages to impact health behaviors, scholars must
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10 COOKE-JACKSON ET AL.
be cognizant of how messages of a small but significant
percentage can speak volumes to the larger group, espe-
cially as it relates to empowering younger generations with
memorable messages that affirm positive sexual behavior.
Additionally, how might health practitioners work to cre-
ate public campaigns that promote narratives, which resonate
across different social and cultural groups utilizing the find-
ings from these memorable message narratives?
Given that memorable messages of abstinence seem most
prevalent among young women, and a smaller number of
young men, researchers must consider how communica-
tion messages can be developed that shift abstinence from
the margins to the center of normative behavior. Notably,
sexually transmitted infections are on the rise (Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention [CDC], 2011) yet often
females do not feel empowered to say “no,” nor do males feel
empowered to not have sex (Morgan et al., 2007). A wealth
of feminist literature challenges our objectified views of
women and encourages us to give agency to this popula-
tion. As such, this work serves to validate the worth of sexual
narratives as an important means for understanding and shift-
ing normative sexual perspectives in society. Notably, more
communicative discourse/conversations that embrace deci-
sions to not have sex when individuals feel pressured or
even to wait until they are sexually mature and comfortable
with that decision would be beneficial. Health communica-
tors could interlink positive health messages that challenge
the notion of fear and angst related to sexual activity with
sexually empowering language and open dialogues between
couples. Future research could be used to conduct focus
groups or friendship groups with males to understand the
sexual messages that have directed their behavior, thoughts,
and motivations and help young men reframe messages and
thus behaviors that seek to persuade young women and other
sexual partners to have sex when they are not ready.
Little is known about young adult same-sex sexual
messages.6As more and more information (via media,
Internet, written materials, etc.) and messages emerge that
feature GLBTQ (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and
queer) relationships, especially among the adolescent young
adult populations, scholars and practitioners must under-
stand the implications of this information for health behav-
iors that are similar and different based on social mores rele-
vant to sexual orientation. Typically, society places perverse
and/or negative sexual messages on relationships between
GLBTQ young adults (American Psychological Association,
2008). Until recently these relationships have encompassed
a social environment that includes social rejection, isolation,
discrimination, and verbal and physical abuse (Lombardi,
et al., 2001; Wyss, 2004). As such, resources that speak
to healthy relationships let alone promote positive sexual
contact have not been adequately made available.
6The sample size regarding self-identified GLBTQ persons was too
small to make any meaningful analyses.
In conclusion, sexual memorable message narratives if
honestly contemplated are a critical part of the life course
of all young adults. Although research literature has largely
focused on the repercussions of the sexual encounter among
this population (STIs, pregnancy, and other results of risky
behaviors), more must be done to understand what is tran-
spiring in the minds of young adults prior to their first
sexual encounters. Our findings are promising and suggest
that memorable message narratives may play a major role in
the intrapersonal and interpersonal negotiation of sex. Our
findings also offer formative insight on the value of refram-
ing normative sex communication messages in a positive
context for young adults as they consider their first sexual
encounters.
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