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The specific importance of communicating about sex to couples’ sexual and overall relationship satisfaction

SAGE Publications Inc
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
Authors:
  • Anxiety and OCD Treatment Center of Philadelphia

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This study examined the impact of general and sexual communication on couples’ overall and sexual satisfaction. Data were collected from 116 heterosexual, monogamous couples in relationships of at least three months’ duration. Open sexual communication accounted for unique variance in both sexual and overall relationship satisfaction; general communication effectiveness did so only for overall satisfaction. The relationship between open sexual communication and overall satisfaction was stronger for males, and the relationship between open sexual communication and sexual satisfaction was stronger for couples who had been together longer. The three-way interaction of open sexual communication, relationship length, and gender significantly predicted overall relationship satisfaction but not sexual satisfaction. Sexual satisfaction mediated the relationship between open sexual communication and overall satisfaction.
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... Communication about sensitive and vulnerable topics, such as money or sex, may be particularly influential in building trust across time. Learning how to communicate about sex can be a difficult process as partners bring up their desires, needs, or fears in their sexual relationship (Montesi et al., 2011). These conversations involve risk as partners reveal private, intimate information that is often perceived as threatening to oneself (Rehman et al., 2019). ...
... These conversations involve risk as partners reveal private, intimate information that is often perceived as threatening to oneself (Rehman et al., 2019). However, if handled well, these conversations provide an opportunity for partners to learn how to work through differences (Theiss & Solomon, 2007) and ultimately could benefit couples' relationships (Mallory, 2022;Montesi et al., 2011). Additionally, as couples undergo changes in their sexual needs and desires, communicating about these preferences in a validating, respectful way could help partners feel better about their relationship as a whole (Roels et al., 2022). ...
... As outlined in the Money and Sex Model (Leavitt & LeBaron-Black, 2025), quality communication about sex could build trust as partners facilitate openness and honesty about a vulnerable topic. Although no known studies have examined the associations between communication about sex and trust, sex communication has been linked with relationship and sexual satisfaction (Mallory, 2022;Montesi et al., 2011;Roels et al., 2022), which suggests that quality sexual communication could lead to greater trust as well. Constructive communication about sex is an essential part of learning to be responsive to a partner's sexual needs (Vowels et al., 2022), which could ultimately help to facilitate a greater sense of trust as partners create a stronger emotional connection and understanding of each other (Gottman, 2011). ...
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Trust and communication are both vital elements of successful couple relationships. Despite scholars positing that a sense of trust and quality communication could influence each other over time, few studies have sought to test these assumptions. The current study used a nationally representative sample of 2,168 couples to examine the bidirectional associations between trust and different communication topics across several years during the newlywed period. Specifically, three separate actor-partner interdependence (APIM) cross-lagged panel models were conducted to test the bidirectional effects between trust and general relationship communication, sexual communication, and financial communication. The results revealed bidirectional effects between trust and general relationship communication and financial communication across seven years. Different patterns emerged between trust and sexual communication, as it appeared that trust primarily predicted greater quality sexual communication across the first several years of marriage. This pattern then changed around Wave 5, where sexual communication started to predict trust more consistently. These findings emphasize the importance of both effective communication and a sense of trust across the first several years of marriage and especially underscore the salient nature of trust for quality sexual communication to take place.
... Separate models for all these analyses were also run with relationship length, gender identity, and sexual orientation added as control variables to identify the unique associations between the hypothesized variables. Relationship length was controlled for given the possible moderating role of relationship length previously detected between sexual communication and sexual satisfaction (Montesi et al., 2011). Gender identity and sexual orientation were also controlled for given the disproportionate representation of LGBTQ+ identities in CNM communities and the desire to determine the unique associations for relationship structure. ...
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Despite the growing body of literature examining sexual communication in romantic relationships, diverse relationship structures have been severely underrepresented. This study examined differences in sexual communication and multiple sexual and relational outcome variables between people in monogamous and consensually nonmonogamous relationships. Participants included 576 young adults (ages 18–35 years old) in monogamous or consensually nonmonogamous relationships with at least one committed partner. Participants were asked to complete sexual communication as well as various commonly used sexual/relational outcome measures regarding a partner. Results of t tests and linear regression analyses suggested people in consensually nonmonogamous relationships had greater sexual communication quality compared with people in monogamous relationships. There were no additional differences detected in any of the other study variables. Significant associations between sexual communication and sexual and relational outcome variables were replicated and no differences in these associations based on relationship structure emerged. Implications and directions for future research are addressed.
... As humans, we are not the same, and we cannot assume that "what is good for the goose is good for the gander". Montesi, Fauber, Gordon & Heimberg (2010) Aside from communication, trying to understand and study their partners was a factor that aids sexual satisfaction. Couples should be acquainted with each other's body and be conscious in taking note of acts that their spouse enjoy. ...
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Sexual satisfaction is a core component of marital satisfaction, and lack of it has resulted in marriage collapse. Understanding of this critical aspect of marital life can provide insights that can help couples have more fulfilling marital relationships, resilient unions and thus avoiding divorce. Therefore, this study explored the role of sexual intimacy in marriage, focusing on the factors that contributes to sexual satisfaction and dissatisfaction among married couples. The study employed interpersonal Exchange Model of Sexual Satisfaction as its theoretical underpinning. To achieve the purpose of the study, 12 married women and 5 marriage counsellors (a total of 17 respondents) were selected for in-depth interview conducted in Alimosho and Ikeja Local Government Areas of Lagos state, Nigeria. Sample were selected using a combination of purposive and snowball sampling method. Sex was reported to be important as it strengthened bond and helped to bridge gap between couples. Newlyweds were reported to be the most common of married couples who had sexual problems in marriage. Most respondents claimed to be sexually satisfied but they all shared sexually dissatisfied experiences. Lack of foreplay, timing of sex, religious restrictions, sexual incompatibility and differences in sexual appeal and lack of communication were identified to be causes of sexual dissatisfaction. Communication, understanding and studying one's partner and being open to sexual exploration, were factors identified to influence sexual satisfaction. The study recommends that couples should choose partners that shares his/her sexual fantasy to avoid frustration and sexual dissatisfaction overtime.
... As humans, we are not the same, and we cannot assume that "what is good for the goose is good for the gander". Montesi, Fauber, Gordon & Heimberg (2010) Aside from communication, trying to understand and study their partners was a factor that aids sexual satisfaction. Couples should be acquainted with each other's body and be conscious in taking note of acts that their spouse enjoy. ...
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Sexual satisfaction is a core component of marital satisfaction, and lack of it has resulted in marriage collapse. Understanding of this critical aspect of marital life can provide insights that can help couples have more fulfilling marital relationships, resilient unions and thus avoiding divorce. Therefore, this study explored the role of sexual intimacy in marriage, focusing on the factors that contributes to sexual satisfaction and dissatisfaction among married couples. The study employed interpersonal Exchange Model of Sexual Satisfaction as its theoretical underpinning. To achieve the purpose of the study, 12 married women and 5 marriage counsellors (a total of 17 respondents) were selected for in-depth interview conducted in Alimosho and Ikeja Local Government Areas of Lagos state, Nigeria. Sample were selected using a combination of purposive and snowball sampling method. Sex was reported to be important as it strengthened bond and helped to bridge gap between couples. Newlyweds were reported to be the most common of married couples who had sexual problems in marriage. Most respondents claimed to be sexually satisfied but they all shared sexually dissatisfied experiences. Lack of foreplay, timing of sex, religious restrictions, sexual incompatibility and differences in sexual appeal and lack of communication were identified to be causes of sexual dissatisfaction. Communication, understanding and studying one's partner and being open to sexual exploration, were factors identified to influence sexual satisfaction. The study recommends that couples should choose partners that shares his/her sexual fantasy to avoid frustration and sexual dissatisfaction overtime.
... Attachment anxiety played a significant role in explaining the association between one person's experience of childhood trauma and their report of more negative emotions post-discussion. Although partners might be aware of the importance of communicating about sexual disagreements for their relationship satisfaction (Sprecher et al., 2006), a certain degree of willingness and tolerance are required to self-disclose private information and take the risk to feel threatened and potentially embarrassed when doing so (Montesi et al., 2011). Therefore, knowing that difficulties in emotion regulation are frequent in the aftermath of childhood trauma (Bigras et al., 2017a), negative emotions might have predominated for people reporting greater childhood trauma and attachment anxiety, especially because childhood trauma heightens the salience of negative emotional stimuli (McLaughlin et al., 2015). ...
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Childhood trauma alters both emotional and relational processes, and thus could make it more difficult for couples to navigate relationship challenges such as sexual disagreements. Given the potential threat they involve, sexual conflicts may elicit more negative emotions for both partners. They can also trigger attachment insecurities—relational vulnerabilities that are particularly heightened during periods of stress, especially following childhood trauma. Hence, attachment anxiety and avoidance might be mechanisms through which childhood trauma influences couples’ emotion dynamics during sexual conflicts. However, we know very little concerning how emotions unfold moment to moment in the context of couples’ sexual disagreements, and the roles of childhood trauma and attachment insecurities therein. Same- and mixed-gender/sex couples (N = 151) completed online surveys and took part in a laboratory-based filmed discussion about their most important sexual problem. Following the discussion, participants completed self-reported measures of their positive and negative emotions. Then, partners independently viewed their filmed discussion to continuously report on their emotional experience during the conflict and, lastly, trained raters coded the valence of participants’ expression of emotions during the task. Actor–partner interdependence models showed that a person’s greater childhood trauma was associated with fewer positive emotions post-discussion and shorter experienced and expressed positive emotions during the conflict, as well as more negative emotions post-discussion and longer experienced and expressed negative emotions, both directly and indirectly via attachment anxiety (but not attachment avoidance). Results underscore the need to better understand sexuality-related positive and negative emotions in couple interactions, and the role of distal factors such as childhood trauma and attachment.
... Specifically, open selfdisclosure of sexual information between partners fosters intimacy and relationship satisfaction (Byers, 2005;Cupach & Comstock, 1990;, facilitates novel sexual activities that contribute to ongoing well-being (Kohut et al., 2023;Raposo et al., 2020), and can mitigate or resolve sexual problems (Merwin et al., 2017;Rehman et al., 2011). On the other hand, people should feel particularly hurt if rejected by a close partner because of their sexuality -a facet of the self that feels vulnerable, important, and is difficult or impossible to change (Montesi et al., 2011;Rehman et al., 2017Rehman et al., , 2019. Thus, people commonly avoid self-disclosing their sexual history (e.g., Anderson et al., 2011;Lucchetti, 1999), sexual difficulties (e.g., Kelly et al., 2004Kelly et al., , 2006, and sexual likes and dislikes (MacNeil & Byers, 2009) to partners. ...
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