"You Are Such a Disappointment!": Negative Emotions and Parents' Perceptions of Adult Children's Lack of Success

Abstract

Objectives:
Parents' perceptions of their adult children's successes (or lack thereof) may be associated in different ways with discrete negative emotions (e.g., guilt, anger, disappointment, and worry). Furthermore, mothers and fathers may vary in their reactions to children's success in different domains.

Method:
Participants included 158 mothers and fathers from the same families (N = 316) and their adult child. Mothers and fathers evaluated their adult children's successes in (a) career and (b) relationship domains. Mothers and fathers also reported on several negative emotions in the parent-child tie: guilt, anger, disappointment, and worry.

Results:
For fathers, perceptions of children's poorer career success were associated with disappointment, anger, and guilt. Mothers' perceptions of children's lack of career success were associated with disappointment and worry. Mothers' perceptions of children's poorer success in relationships were associated with each of the negative emotions, with the exception of anger.

Discussion:
Parents experience emotions associated with unmet goals and future concerns in relationships with less successful children. Mothers may respond emotionally to career and relationship success, whereas fathers may respond emotionally primarily to their child's career success. Findings underscore the importance of considering the context of parents' negative emotional experiences in ties to adult children.

Full text

Cichy, K.E., Lefkowitz, E.S., Davis, E.M., & Fingerman, K.L. (2013). “You are such a disappointment!”: Negative emotions and parents’ perceptions of adult children’s lack of success. Journals of
Gerontology, Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 68(6), 893–901, doi:10.1093/geronb/gbt053. Advance Access publication June 2, 2013
© The Author 2013. Published by Oxford University Press on behalf of The Gerontological Society of America.
All rights reserved. For permissions, please e-mail: journals.permissions@oup.com.
Received December 19, 2012; Accepted April 30, 2013
Decision Editor: Bob Knight, PhD
“You Are Such a Disappointment!”: Negative
Emotions and Parents’ Perceptions of Adult
Children’s Lack of Success
Kelly E.Cichy,1 Eva S.Lefkowitz,2 Eden M.Davis,3 and Karen L.Fingerman3
1Human Development & Family Studies, Kent State University, Ohio.
2Human Development & Family Studies, Pennsylvania State University, University Park.
3Human Development & Family Sciences, University of Texas at Austin.
Objectives. Parents’ perceptions of their adult children’s successes (or lack thereof) may be associated in different
ways with discrete negative emotions (e.g., guilt, anger, disappointment, and worry). Furthermore, mothers and fathers
may vary in their reactions to children’s success in different domains.
Method. Participants included 158 mothers and fathers from the same families (N = 316) and their adult child.
Mothers and fathers evaluated their adult children’s successes in (a) career and (b) relationship domains. Mothers and
fathers also reported on several negative emotions in the parent–child tie: guilt, anger, disappointment, and worry.
Results. For fathers, perceptions of children’s poorer career success were associated with disappointment, anger, and
guilt. Mothers’ perceptions of children’s lack of career success were associated with disappointment and worry. Mothers’
perceptions of children’s poorer success in relationships were associated with each of the negative emotions, with the
exception of anger.
Discussion. Parents experience emotions associated with unmet goals and future concerns in relationships with less
successful children. Mothers may respond emotionally to career and relationship success, whereas fathers may respond
emotionally primarily to their child’s career success. Findings underscore the importance of considering the context of
parents’ negative emotional experiences in ties to adult children.
Key Words: Achievements—Negative emotions—Parent–adult child relationships—Success.
PARENTHOOD is associated with numerous costs
and rewards (Nelson, Kushlev, English, Dunn, &
Lyubomirsky, 2013; Nomaguchi & Milkie, 2003). In later
life, however, studies suggest that the rewards of parent-
hood begin to outweigh the costs; parents of successfully
launched adult children experience parental fulllment
and pride (Ryff, Schmutte, & Less, 1996). Compared with
parents of young children, midlife and older adult parents
report higher levels of well-being (Margolis & Myrskylä,
2011).
The benets to emotional well-being found in adult
families, however, may not be experienced equally by all
middle-aged and older adults. Parents report strained rela-
tionships with children who have failed to achieve adult sta-
tuses (Fingerman, Chen, Hay, Cichy, & Lefkowitz, 2006;
Pillemer, Suitor, Mueller-Johnson, Sechrist, & Heidorn,
2006), who are less successful (Birditt, Fingerman, &
Zarit, 2010), and who demand high, unreciprocated levels
of support (Pillemer et al., 2006). Researchers speculate
that unsuccessful adult children drain parents’ resources,
evoke parental empathy, and represent a parent’s failure
in the parental role (Fingerman, Cheng, Birditt, & Zarit,
2012; Pillemer etal., 2006). Less is known, however, about
the experience of discrete negative emotions, such as guilt
or anger, when parents perceive their adult children to be
unsuccessful. Different negative emotions may hold distinct
implications for interpersonal relationships (Van Kleef,
De Dreu, & Manstead, 2006) and well-being (Consedine
& Moskowitz, 2007). Therefore, identifying associations
between parents’ perceptions of children’s lack of success
and parents’ distinct negative emotions may help to shed
light on why less successful adult children are problematic
for parents.
Discrete Negative Emotions
Theorists have argued that people experience different
emotions in reaction to their interpretations of external events
(Lazarus, 1991, 2006). According to the discrete emotions
approach, each emotion has distinctive antecedents and
specic effects on the individual and on others (Lazarus,
2006). Lazarus (2006) suggests that certain emotions serve
as barometers of how well or how poorly one is advancing
toward a goal. When individuals cannot attain a goal, they
experience “goal incongruent emotions.” Accordingly, guilt
occurs when there is a failure to adhere to standards, rules,
or goals; guilt is accompanied by feelings of responsibility
and the belief that one should have thought, felt, or acted
differently (Consedine & Moskowitz, 2007). Anger arises
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CICHY ET AL.
when a goal is thwarted and when events are attributed as
being caused by others (Consedine & Moskowitz, 2007;
Lazarus, 1991). Disappointment is different from anger and
occurs when progress toward a goal is below expectations
(Lazarus, 1991).
Parents are likely to experience such emotions because
they have goals for their children’s successes. These goals
include the child nding fullling relationships and achiev-
ing educational and economic success (Ryff etal., 1996).
When parents perceive those goals as thwarted or unreal-
ized, parents are likely to experience negative emotions.
Other negative emotions are not linked as clearly to pro-
gress toward a goal so much as the consequences of fail-
ure. Worry is indicative of anxiety or fear and includes the
experience of negative feelings and intrusive thoughts about
future events (Brooks & Schweitzer, 2011; Lazarus, 1991;
Scott, Eng, & Heimberg, 2002). Parents may experience
worries related to grown children’s lack of success due to
their investment in their children’s futures.
Parent Gender, Perceptions of Grown Children’s Lack of
Successes, and Negative Emotions
Parents in general may respond with negative emo-
tions when they believe their children are unsuccessful.
Moreover, mothers and fathers may respond with different
negative emotions. Drawing on perspectives from research
on gender, parenthood, and emotional experiences, this
study explores differences in the associations between
mothers’ and fathers’ discrete negative emotions and their
perceptions of children’s lack of success in careers (i.e.,
education and employment) and relationships (i.e., roman-
tic relationships and familylife).
According to the parental role perspective, when chil-
dren reach adulthood, mothers’ and fathers’ roles converge,
and the emotional and psychological effects of parenthood
become similar for mothers and fathers (Evenson & Simon,
2005; Pudrovska, 2008). The parental role perspective
primarily considers the links between parental status and
global indicators of well-being, however, without consider-
ing specic experiences, such as evaluations of adult chil-
dren’s success (or lack thereof).
Gender differences exist in the experience of discrete
negative emotions (Brody & Hall, 2008) that are attributed
to socialization experiences, positions in the social hier-
archy, and investment in social goals (Shields, Garner, Di
Leone, & Hadley, 2006; Simon & Nath, 2004).
Compared with men, women typically report more inter-
nalized emotions, such as sadness and disappointment
(Fischer, Rodriguez Mosquera, van Vianen, & Manstead,
2004; Simon & Nath, 2004). Men may express more exter-
nalized emotions, such as anger (Fischer etal., 2004; Hess,
Adams, & Kleck, 2004) although some research reveals
gender similarities in anger (Else-Quest, Hyde, Goldsmith,
& Van Hulle, 2006; Simon & Nath, 2004). There is less
evidence for gender differences in feelings of guilt (Brody
& Hall, 2008). Finally, research reveals both gender dif-
ferences (Robichaud, Dugas, & Conway, 2003) and simi-
larities in worry (Tallis, Davey, & Bond, 1994). These
equivocal ndings may be reconciled by considering that
the experience of discrete negative emotions depends on the
context and interpretation of events (Else-Quest, Higgins,
Allison, & Morton, 2012). In some situations, mothers and
fathers may experience similar emotions, but in other situa-
tions, their emotions may differ.
Worry and disappointment.—In parent–child relation-
ships, both parents may experience disappointment and
worry when they perceive their children as less successful.
Mothers and fathers have expectations and goals regard-
ing their children’s educational attainment and economic
success (Davis-Kean, 2005; Ryff etal., 1996), and parents
are invested in their children as a legacy for their future
(Giarrusso, Feng, & Bengston, 2005). Successful chil-
dren are more likely to assist parents with their own needs
(Fingerman, Miller, Birditt, & Zarit, 2009); thus, parents
may worry that unsuccessful children will be unable to
provide care in the future. Nonnormative transitions, such
as job loss, violate parents’ expectations for their children
(Pillemer, Sechrist, Steinhour, & Suitor, 2007). Mothers
and fathers worry about multiple aspects of their adult
children’s lives (Hay, Fingerman, & Lefkowitz, 2008), and
parents who view their children as unsuccessful may worry
that their children do not have the foundation for success
and happiness in the future. For these reasons, mothers and
fathers alike may incur disappointment over children’s fail-
ure to meet their expectations or experience worry regard-
ing children they perceive as less successful due to concerns
about their children’s future and theirown.
Nonetheless, mothers and fathers may also experience
different negative emotions associated with their percep-
tions of children’s lack of career or relationship success.
Prior studies suggest that mothers are concerned about their
children’s relationships (Nelson et al., 2007; Ryff et al.,
1996), whereas fathers are often more concerned about
occupational success (Townsend, 2002). Gender differences
in emotional experience and family roles may be reected
in unique associations between mothers’ and fathers’ per-
ceptions of their children’s lack of career and relationship
success and parents’ guilt and anger.
Guilt.—In the same way parents interpret their children’s
accomplishments as markers of their own fulllment of the
parental role (Ryff etal., 1996), parents may also come to
view their adult children’s failures as their own failures.
Self-blame for their children’s failures may translate into
feelings of guilt. Arguably, mothers and fathers may accept
responsibility for different aspects of their adult children’s
lives. In general, women report more guilt related to family
roles, whereas men report more guilt about not fullling their
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NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND PARENTS’ PERCEPTIONS
role as nancial provider (Brody & Hall, 2008). Mothers
tend to attach more importance to having children who are
well -adjusted in relationships (Nelson et al., 2007; Ryff
etal., 1996), and mothers may blame themselves and feel
guilty about their children’s poor relationship success.
Traditionally, men are expected to provide for the fam-
ily through paid employment and tangible investments in
their children’s education and future career (Christiansen
& Palkovitz, 2001). Therefore, fathers may view their chil-
dren’s lack of success as an extension of their own failure
(Patterson, Sutn, & Fulcher, 2004). Taken together, these
ndings suggest that mothers’ feelings of guilt will be asso-
ciated with their perceptions of children’s poorer relation-
ship success, whereas fathers’ guilt will be associated with
their perceptions of children’s poorer career success.
Anger.—Finally, mothers and fathers may differ in their
experiences of anger toward grown children. Research
reveals more strained relationships between fathers and
children when the child has less career success (Birditt
et al., 2010). Perceived lack of career success may pro-
voke feelings of anger or resentment due to the nancial
resources parents, traditionally fathers, provided for school-
ing (Padilla-Walker, Nelson, & Carroll, 2012), and the
sense that those resources were squandered. Further, gender
differences in the expression of anger may be evident in this
tie. Fathers may express more anger in their relationship
with their adult children (Fischer etal., 2004; Hess et al.,
2004), particularly when they perceive their children as less
successful in the career domain.
Variations by Adult ChildGender
Finally, research suggests that parents may have differ-
ent goals or expectations for daughters and sons (Epstein
& Ward, 2011). For example, mothers send messages to
their daughters encouraging them to focus their energies
on building romantic relationships (Epstein & Ward, 2011),
such that they may be particularly disappointed when their
daughters fall short of their expectations. Parents also dis-
tinguish between the resources they provide to daughters
and sons (McHale, Crouter, & Whiteman, 2003). Fathers
may be more likely to stress the importance of careers or
occupational success for their sons and experience more
negative emotions when their sons do not meet their expec-
tations for career success. Therefore, we also explore child
gender as a potential moderator of the associations between
parents’ perceptions of children’s successes and parents’
negative emotions.
In summary, this study examines four negative emotions
associated with distinct interpretations of unmet goals and
future concerns: guilt, anger, disappointment, and worry.
We explore differences in the associations between moth-
ers’ and fathers’ negative emotions and their perceptions of
their grown children’s lack of success in two life domains
by testing the following hypotheses: Hypothesis 1: Fathers’
perceptions of children’s poorer success in careers will be
associated with each of the negative emotions, whereas
mothers’ perceptions of children’s lack of career success
will only be associated with disappointment and worry.
Hypothesis 2: Mothers’ perceptions of children’s poorer
success in relationships will be associated with guilt, dis-
appointment, and worry, whereas fathers’ perceptions of
children’s lack of relationship success will be associated
with disappointment and worry. In addition, we explore the
extent to which child gender moderates these associations.
Method
Participants
Participants included 158 families from the Adult Family
Study (N=474), with an adult daughter or son (daughters:
M=35.3, SD=7.5; sons: M=35.0, SD=7.0), their mother,
and their father (mothers: M = 60.8, SD = 8.0; fathers:
M= 62.6, SD= 8.6) from African American (n= 52) and
European American (n =106) families. A stratied sam-
pling technique assured that the sample included compa-
rable numbers of daughters (n=82) and sons (n=76) well
distributed by age and ethnicity. We recruited participants
from ve counties in the greater Philadelphia Metropolitan
Statistical area, and the majority of participants (85%)
were recruited through either the offspring or the parents
via purchased telephone lists. We recruited the remaining
participants through convenience sampling (e.g. church
and community center bulletins, 7%) and snowball sam-
pling (8%) techniques. Recruitment techniques were evenly
distributed by offspring’s age, gender, and ethnicity. For
more detailed information about the sample and participant
recruitment, see Cichy, Lefkowitz, and Fingerman (2012).
Table1 describes the demographic characteristics of the
sample separately for mothers, fathers, daughters, and sons.
The employment status and income of our sample were
comparable to the 2000 Census data although our respond-
ents were better educated and more likely to be married
compared with the general population (U.S. Census Bureau,
2000).
Mothers, fathers, and adult children participated in sepa-
rate telephone interviews and completed paper and pencil
questionnaires. In this study, we focus only on the parents’
reports.
Measures
Perceptions of success.—Parents rated four items
indicating how successful their children were compared
with their children’s same-aged peers on a scale from 1
(less successful) to 5 (more successful; Birditt etal., 2010;
Fingerman etal., 2012). Example item: In comparison to
other people your child’s age, how would you rate his or
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CICHY ET AL.
her achievements in education? We averaged the following
two items: (a) educational achievement and (b) work and
career accomplishment to create a composite measure
labeled “career success” (α = .78 for fathers and .74 for
mothers). We averaged the following remaining two items:
(a) romantic relationships and (b) family life to create a
composite measure labeled “relationship success” (α=.78
for fathers and .75 for mothers).
Discrete negative emotions.—During the telephone inter-
views, parents reported on how often they felt four nega-
tive emotions toward their child during the last 12 months
using a scale from 1 (never) to 5 (always). Four emotions
were selected from existing measures of discrete emotions
(Izard, Libero, Putnam, & Haynes, 1993; Watson, Clark, &
Tellegen, 1988): guilt, anger, disappointment, and worry.
Covariates.—Participants indicated their age, ethnicity
(1 = African American, 0 = European American), years
of education, marital status (1 = married, 0 = separated/
divorced/widowed/never married), and household income
(1=less than $10,000, 2=$10,001–$25,000, 3=$25,001–
$40,000, 4=$40,001–$75,000, 5=$75,001–$100,000, and
6=more than $100,000). Parents’ self-rated physical health
was assessed on a scale of 1 (excellent) to 5 (poor; Idler
& Kasl, 1991); these scores were reverse coded, so higher
scores indicate better health. In addition to parents’ demo-
graphic characteristics, we also included the adult child’s
gender (0=daughter, 1=son) and age as covariates in the
model.
Analytic Strategy
As a rst step, we examined gender differences in moth-
ers’ and fathers’ reports of discrete emotions in their rela-
tionships with their grown children using paired t tests.
Then we tested the research questions regarding associa-
tions between parents’ negative emotions and ratings of
their adult children’s successes. We employed an approach
to multilevel modeling that has not been widely used in the
gerontology literature, namely multivariate multilevel mod-
els (McLeod, 2001). This type of modeling is particularly
well suited for our research questions regarding mothers
and fathers because we can simultaneously estimate sepa-
rate models for mothers and fathers while controlling for
the correlation between mothers’ and fathers’ ratings of
negative emotions (i.e., for guilt: r=.04, p > .05; for anger:
r=.30, p < .001; for disappointment: r=.27, p < .001; and
for worry: r=.19, p <.01).
We estimated four separate multivariate multilevel mod-
els (one for each discrete emotion) using PROC MIXED in
SAS (Littell, Milliken, Stroup, & Wolnger, 1996). These
models simultaneously estimate a regression with mothers’
negative emotion as one dependent variable and a regres-
sion with fathers’ negative emotion as the second dependent
variable while taking into consideration the nested nature
of the data, where mothers and fathers are nested within the
same family. In these models, we specied an unstructured
error covariance matrix. Each model included xed effects
for each parent’s perceptions of their children’s career and
relationship success and the following covariates: parents’
age, years of education, ethnicity, household income, self-
rated health, and marital status. We also included offspring
age and gender as covariates and examined the interactions
between parents’ perceptions and child gender in order to
explore whether associations vary for families with daugh-
ters versus sons.
Results
Descriptive Statistics and Paired tTests
Means for ratings of the child’s success and for each
negative emotion are found in Table1. Although the mean
rating for child’s success was above average for the entire
sample, parents rated a substantial proportion of children as
Table1. Sample Characteristics
Variables Mothers (n=158) Fathers (n=158) Daughters (n=82) Sons (n=76)
Background characteristics
Age 60.8 (8.0) 62.6 (8.6) 35.3 (7.5) 35.0 (7.0)
Years of education 14.0 (2.7) 14.1 (2.8) 15.1 (2.1) 15.0 (1.9)
Married 0.88 0.90 0.63 0.64
Working for pay 0.53 0.55 0.76 0.92
Ratings of successa
Relationship domain 3.50 (1.25) 3.65 (1.14) — —
Career domain 3.87 (0.92) 3.91 (0.89) — —
Negative emotions
Guiltb1.72 (0.85) 1.59 (0.73) — —
Disappointmentb1.85 (0.79) 1.82 (0.72) — —
Angerb1.95 (0.69) 1.85 (0.72) — —
Worryb2.79 (0.99) 2.60 (1.07) — —
Notes. aAverage of two items rated 1=less successful, 2=somewhat less successful, 3=about the same, 4=somewhat more successful, and 5=more successful.
bNegative emotion toward child rated 1=never, 2=rarely, 3=sometimes, 4=often, and 5=always.
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NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND PARENTS’ PERCEPTIONS
less successful than their peers, ~21% for career and ~47%
for relationships. The results of paired t tests also revealed
no signicant differences between mothers’ and fathers’
perceptions of their child’s career (t (156)=0.48, p > .05)
and relationship success (t (147)=1.78, p >.05).
Paired t tests also revealed no statistically signicant
differences between mothers’ and fathers’ ratings of guilt
(t (157)=−1.45, p > .05), anger (t (157)=−1.43, p > .05),
disappointment (t (157) = −0.44, p > .05), or worry (t
(157)=−1.82, p >.05).
Finally, we examined correlations between the four dis-
crete emotions separately for mothers and fathers. The cor-
relations ranged from r=.23 (for mothers’ guilt and worry)
to r =.56 (for fathers’ anger and disappointment). In gen-
eral, the bivariate results revealed moderate correlations,
suggesting that each of these emotions represent related yet
still distinct negative emotions. Thus, we examined each
negative emotion in a separate model to ascertain whether
patterns of association differed for each emotion.
Parent Gender, Perceptions of Grown Children’s Lack of
Successes, and Negative Emotions
To test our hypotheses, we examined associations between
parents’ perceptions of their adult children’s success and
parents’ reports of each of the four negative emotions in a
series of four multivariate multilevel models. Father models
are presented in Table2 and mother models in Table3.
Perceptions of career success.—We hypothesized
that fathers’ perceptions of children’s lack of career suc-
cess would be associated with each of the negative emo-
tions, whereas we expected mothers’ perceptions of
children’s lack of career success would only be associated
with mothers’ disappointment and worry (Hypothesis 1).
Consistent with our hypothesis, fathers, but not mothers,
who perceived their children as less successful in careers
reported more feelings of guilt and anger (Table 2). Also
as expected, both fathers and mothers who perceived their
children as less successful in careers reported more disap-
pointment (Tables 2 and 3). Contrary to our expectations,
only mothers who perceived their children as less success-
ful in careers reported more worry (Table3).
Perceptions of relationship success.—We hypothesized
that mothers’ perceptions of children’s lack of relationship
success would be associated with mothers’ guilt,
disappointment, and worry, whereas fathers’ perceptions of
children’s lack of relationship success would be associated
with fathers’ disappointment and worry (Hypothesis 2).
As anticipated, mothers, but not fathers, who perceived
their children as less successful in relationships reported
more guilt, disappointment, and worry (Table 3). Fathers’
perceptions of children’s lack of relationship success were
not signicantly associated with their negative emotions.
Variation by Adult Child’sGender
In general, the associations were similar for families
with daughters and families with sons with the exception of
guilt. To follow-up this signicant effect, we re-estimated
the models separately for families with daughters and fami-
lies with sons. Follow-up tests indicated that the association
between mothers’ perceptions of children’s lack of relation-
ship success and guilt was only signicant for mothers with
daughters (p < .05) not for mothers with sons (p >.05).
In summary, for fathers, perceptions of children’s poorer
career success were associated with more disappointment,
Table2. Multivariate Multilevel Models Predicting Fathers’ Negative Emotions by Fathers’ Perceptions of Adult Children’s Career and
Relationship Successes
Predictor
Model 1: Guilt Model 2: Anger Model 3: Disappointment Model 4: Worry
B SEBB SEBB SEBB SEB
Intercept 2.25*** 0.67 3.45*** 0.61 2.64*** 0.60 4.38*** 0.93
Perception of career success −0.15* 0.07 −0.17** 0.07 −0.19** 0.07 −0.04 0.10
Perceptions of relationship success −0.01 0.06 −0.09 0.05 −0.08 0.05 −0.02 0.08
Control variables
Age −0.01 0.01 −0.01* 0.01 −0.00 0.01 −0.01 0.02
Years of education 0.03 0.03 0.03 0.03 0.03 0.02 −0.03 0.04
Ethnicitya0.07 0.16 0.07 0.14 0.30** 0.14 0.32 0.22
Incomeb0.00 0.06 −0.05 0.05 −0.07 0.05 −0.03 0.08
Self-rated physical healthc−0.08 0.07 0.01 0.07 0.01 0.06 0.05 0.10
Marital statusd0.02 0.06 −0.10 0.05 −0.10* 0.05 −0.14 0.08
Offspring gendere−0.02 0.13 −0.08 0.12 0.01 0.12 0.03 0.18
Offspring age 0.01 0.01 0.01 0.01 0.02 0.01 −0.01 0.02
Notes. a0=European American and 1=African American.
b1=less than $10,000, 2=$10,001–$25,000, 3=$25,001–$40,000, 4=$40,001–$75,000, 5 =$75,001–$100,000, and 6=more than $100,000.
c1=poor, 2=fair, 3=good, 4=very good, and 5=excellent.
d0=separated/divorced/widowed/never married and 1=married.
e0 = daughter and 1=son.
*p < .05. **p < .01. ***p < .001.
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CICHY ET AL.
anger, and guilt. In comparison, for mothers, their percep-
tions of children’s lack of career success were only associ-
ated with their feelings of disappointment and worry, not
anger or guilt. Mothers’ perceptions of children’s poorer
success in relationships were associated with each of the
negative emotions, with the exception of anger. Fathers’
negative emotions were not associated with evaluations
of children’s relationship success. Fathers’ worry was not
associated with fathers’ comparison of their children’s
achievements in either domain.
Discussion
This study examined associations between parents’
negative emotions and their perceptions of their grown
children’s career and relationship successes. Mothers’
and fathers’ perceptions of their children’s career success
were generally associated with negative emotions such as
disappointment, suggesting that mothers and fathers may
be similarly invested in their children’s career success. In
contrast, poorer perceived relationship success was only
associated with mothers’, not fathers’, negative emotions,
including guilt, disappointment, and worry. Overall, our
ndings highlight the importance of considering parents’
negative emotions in context in order to understand the
links between emotions, gender, and parental evaluations
of grown children.
Parent Gender, Perceptions of Grown Children’s Lack of
Successes, and Negative Emotions
Both mothers and fathers tended to feel more disappoint-
ment if they perceived their children as having poorer career
success. Perceptions of children’s career success were asso-
ciated with guilt and anger for fathers and disappointment
and worry for mothers. Parents’ perceptions of their chil-
dren’s failure to succeed in their careers may provoke nega-
tive feelings such as disappointment for both mothers and
fathers because it violates both parents’ goals and expecta-
tions for their children to achieve educational and economic
success (Davis-Kean, 2005; Ryff etal., 1996).
In contrast to ndings for perceptions of career success,
perceptions of children’s relationship success were only
associated with mothers’ negative emotions. These nd-
ings are consistent with prior emotion research that women
experience guilt related to family roles, whereas men
report more guilt about not fullling their expected role as
a nancial provider (Brody & Hall, 2008). In the context
of the parent–adult child relationship, mothers may inter-
nalize and thus assume some responsibility for their adult
children’s, particularly their daughters’, unsuccessful rela-
tionships (Kalmijn & De Graaf, 2012), whereas both par-
ents may internalize their children’s failures in the career
domain. Parents may view their adult children’s failures as
their own failures in the parental role, similarly to how par-
ents interpret their children’s accomplishments as markers
of their own successful fulllment of the parental role (Ryff
etal., 1996).
Taken together, these ndings suggest that unsuccess-
ful children violate both parents’ expectations for their
children; however, mothers and fathers may emphasize
different aspects of their children’s lives when evaluating
their children’s accomplishments. Although career success
appears to matter to mothers and fathers, relationship suc-
cess seems to only matter to mothers.
Fathers may assume more responsibility for children’s
career preparation and focus less on children’s success in
relationships because they view romantic relationships and
family life as more within the mother’s domain. Indeed,
Table3. Multivariate Multilevel Models Predicting Mothers’ Negative Emotions by Mothers’ Perceptions of Adult Children’s Career and
Relationship Successes
Predictor
Model 1: Guilt Model 2: Anger Model 3: Disappointment Model 4: Worry
B SEBB SEBB SEBB SEB
Intercept 1.68* 0.73 3.58*** 0.59 2.42*** 0.64 4.42*** 0.85
Perception of career success −0.09 0.08 −0.10 0.06 −0.21** 0.07 −0.18* 0.09
Perceptions of relationship success −0.13* 0.06 −0.07 0.05 −0.13** 0.05 −0.18** 0.07
Control variables
Age 0.01 0.01 −0.01 0.01 −0.00 0.01 −0.01 0.01
Years of education 0.02 0.03 0.01 0.02 0.05 0.02 0.02 0.03
Ethnicitya−0.16 0.15 0.01 0.12 −0.06 0.13 −0.21 0.18
Incomeb0.10 0.06 −0.05 0.05 0.09 0.05 −0.01 0.07
Self-rated physical healthc−0.09 0.07 −0.04 0.06 −0.03 0.06 −0.02 0.08
Marital statusd0.03 0.06 −0.05 0.05 0.00 0.06 0.10 0.07
Offspring gendere−0.33* 0.14 −0.11 0.12 0.10 0.12 −0.09 0.16
Offspring age −0.01 0.02 −0.01 0.01 0.00 0.01 −0.00 0.02
Notes. a0=European American and 1=African American.
b1=less than $10,000, 2=$10,001–$25,000, 3=$25,001–$40,000, 4=$40,001–$75,000, 5 =$75,001–$100,000, and 6=more than $100,000.
c1=poor, 2=fair, 3=good, 4=very good, and 5=excellent.
d0=separated/divorced/widowed/never married and 1=married.
e0 = daughter and 1=son.
*p < .05. **p < .01. ***p < .001.
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NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND PARENTS’ PERCEPTIONS
mothers tend to be the ones who hold families together by
engaging in kinkeeping activities (Fingerman, 2001; Troll,
1994). Mothers often accept more responsibility for and
attribute more importance than fathers do to having children
who are well adjusted in their relationships (Nelson etal.,
2007; Ryff etal., 1996). As the kinkeepers, mothers may be
particularly invested in their children nding and maintain-
ing fullling relationships.
Mothers’ feelings of guilt, disappointment, and worry
could stem from issues in the parent–child relationship
itself or from mothers’ unmet expectations that their adult
children succeed in their romantic ties or family life. In
addition, mothers’ worry about their less successful children
may be related to concerns for their children’s future as
well their own (Fingerman etal., 2009; Suitor, Pillemer, &
Sechrist, 2006). Children who are less successful demand
more nancial support from parents, have fewer alternative
sources of support (Birditt etal., 2010; Pillemer etal., 2006),
and may not be able to offer support to their parents as they
age (Fingerman etal., 2009). Worries over their children’s
ability to provide assistance may be particularly salient for
mothers, who are likely to outlive their spouses and to rely
more on their adult children for support as they age (Roth,
Haley, Wadley, Clay, & Howard, 2007).
Implications of ThisStudy
Emotion theorists also emphasize the interpersonal func-
tion of emotions, where emotions convey information and
inuence not only one’s own behavior but also the behavior
of others (Van Kleef et al., 2006). Although the emotions
we examined are negative, the behavioral consequences of
these emotions may not always be harmful to relationships.
Feelings of vicarious guilt may promote motivation to
repair the situation by making reparations to others (Lickel,
Schmader, Curtis, Scarnier, & Ames, 2005). Conceivably,
parents’ guilt may motivate parents’ to seek opportunities
to compensate for their child’s lack of success. For exam-
ple, parents may provide more nancial resources to their
unsuccessful adult children both because these children
need the additional support (Fingerman et al., 2009) and
because parents feel responsible for their children’s cir-
cumstances. If adult children are aware of parents’ feelings,
parents’ anger and disappointment may lead less success-
ful adult children to try to change their circumstances or to
make concessions to their parents (Van Kleef etal., 2006).
Alternatively, parents’ negative emotions could also lead
to emotional reciprocity, where the adult children feel the
same emotions as their parents, evoking feelings of anger
and disappointment (Keltner & Haidt, 1999). Studies of the
relational implications of discrete negative emotions often
rely on experimental paradigms (Keltner & Haidt, 1999;
Van Kleef etal., 2006). The current study represents a rst
step toward situating the study of discrete negative emo-
tions within the context of an existing social relationship,
the parent–adult child tie. Additional research is needed,
however, to elucidate the relational and behavioral implica-
tions of parents’ negative emotions, particularly in their ties
with less successful adult children.
It is important to note that there were no parental gen-
der differences in the mean ratings of children’s success,
suggesting mothers and fathers share similar views of their
children’s successes. The differences lie instead in how par-
ents’ interpret their children’s lack of successes. Further,
this study found gender similarities in parents’ reports of
discrete negative emotions in the parent–adult child tie,
adding to the literature revealing gender similarities in the
experience of discrete negative emotions (Else-Quest etal.,
2006; Simon & Nath, 2004; Tallis etal., 1994).
Study Limitations and Future Directions
Despite the contributions of this study, it is not without
limitations. First, parents were asked about their children’s
success in comparison to others, rather than about abso-
lute success. It is possible that parents assess their chil-
dren’s success in this way without being concerned about
the level of success. Future work should consider assess-
ments of absolute success or the importance that parents
place on such success. Second, the cross-sectional design
does not allow us to interpret the direction of our effects. It
is possible that parents who experience more negative emo-
tions in the parent–adult child tie perceive their children as
less successful rather than less successful children eliciting
more negative emotions.
It is also important to note that the pattern of results
revealed few differences in the associations between par-
ents’ negative emotions and parents’ perceptions of their
sons’ versus daughters’ lack of success. This lack of differ-
ence is consistent with prior work that reveals similarities
in parents’ relationships with their adult sons and daugh-
ters (Pillemer & Suitor, 2002) and suggests that parents
view daughters’ and sons’ lack of success in similar ways.
Parental gender differences were also relatively small. This
study is exploratory in nature, and therefore, parental gen-
der differences should be interpreted with caution.
Arguably, the developmental stage of the adult child is
also important to consider in future studies. Parents’ per-
ceptions of their children’s lack of success during young
adulthood may be disappointing or worrisome to parents;
however, these feelings may be short lived. Young adult
children still have ample opportunities to attain success in
the future. In comparison, parents may view middle-aged
children’s status as more permanent and may not expect
these children to change their life structure in the future.
The relatively small sample of children from a wide age
range (22–49years) limited our ability to fully explore this
issue. Future longitudinal studies should explore how par-
ents’ negative feelings about less successful grown children
change over the family life course.
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CICHY ET AL.
Conclusion
Our ndings suggest that parents’ perceptions of their
children’s lack of success in careers and relationships
are associated with parents’ negative emotions. Mothers
emphasized both career and relationship success, whereas
fathers primarily emphasized their children’s career suc-
cess. Taken together, the results highlight the importance
of considering parents’ negative emotional experiences in
context and provide support for gender differences in fam-
ily and social goals as a possible explanation for differences
in mothers’ and fathers’ emotional experiences with chil-
dren whom they perceive as less successful.
F
This work was supported by grants from the National Institute on Aging
at the National Institutes of Health (R01 AG17916, R01 AG027769),
National Institute of Mental Health (5 T32 MH018904 to K.E. Cichy) and
the National Institutes on Aging at the National Institutes of Health (5 T32
AG000048 to K.E. Cichy).
C
Correspondence should be addressed to Kelly E. Cichy, PhD,
Department of Human Development & Family Studies, School of
Lifespan Development and Educational Sciences, P.O. Box 5190, 405
White Hall, Kent State University, Kent, OH 44242-0001. E-mail:
kcichy@kent.edu.
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