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The Threat or Promise of Popular Therapy? A Feminist Reading of Narratives of “the Good Couple”
Abstract
Popular therapeutic culture—such as self-help books, TV programmes, and Internet resources—is growing rapidly and posing important questions for feminist research and politics. On the one hand, it can be seen as a challenge to the public sphere in terms of what can be shown and said and by whom, with the emancipatory potential of giving political credentials to the personal. On the other, it can be seen as exploiting, and thereby reproducing, stereotypes and inequalities, such as those related to gender. In this article, the discussion is advanced by the use of Swedish popular therapy for couples as a point of departure. It is argued that a cultural narrative of the “good couple” is constructed in self-help books and TV programmes on relationship issues, a narrative that seems to keep the unequal nature of this heterosexual institution from being challenged. However, in the individual narratives of consumers of this culture, apparent on web discussion boards, the cultural narrative of the “good couple” is being challenged, not least with reference to gender and gender inequality.
... Päivinen (2016) summarizes her insights from therapy sessions in Finland by stating that the ideal of equality may be explicit, but potential ways of realizing that ideal in everyday life are not properly supported. Eldén (2011) investigates Swedish popular psychology, remarking that potential problems in couple relationships are not associated with gender inequality but become disarticulated from structural inequalities and cultural norms concerning gender. Consequently, issues that stem from gender inequality are seen as connected only to individual traits. ...
... Consequently, issues that stem from gender inequality are seen as connected only to individual traits. Furthermore, the genderneutral framing of couple relationships paradoxically allows for the renewal of gendered stereotypes because the problems mixed-sex couples face appear coincidental and unique (Eldén 2011). In a similar vein, Danielsen, Ludvigsen, and Mühleisen (2012), who studied a publicly funded and organized relationship course in Denmark, argue that although the counseling practices were harnessed to serve the ideals of equality and democracy, the premises-such as the assumption that partners were already on an equal footing-were problematic. ...
... unfair distribution does not threaten the couple's relationship, but the woman's inability to switch off does. The focus on bed linen and children is addressed as an individualized inability to let go, rather than as articulating, for example, an unequal division of household chores (Banet-Weiser, Gill, and Rottenberg 2020;Eldén 2011;Rottenberg 2014). The suggestion that women might be too concerned about their children or housework resonates with the ways in which neither social inequality nor structural problems are addressed in postfeminist sensibility. ...
Relationship and sex counseling are pivotal components of the “therapeutization of society,” which has been identified and widely examined as a key transformation of 21st-century modern Western societies. The particular understandings of gender and sexuality that circulate in those practices contribute to the wider everyday conceptions of intimate life and are thus important to investigate from a feminist perspective. Combining insights from studies on therapeutic cultures, research on intimate relationships, scholarship on postfeminism, and affect theory, this article taps into the often ambivalent ways in which gender equality and sexual rights are articulated in relationship and sex counseling practices. My data are derived from an ethnographic investigation of relationship enhancement events in Finland. Equality was widely supported at these events, but there was no consensus regarding what desirable equality actually looked like. My analysis identifies several contradictory patterns in the data. First, there are statements to the effect that equality has “gone too far.” Second, many experts express tokenized critiques yet remain invested in depoliticizing views. Third, there are acts of resistance that embrace diversity and expand everyday understandings of gender and sexuality. I argue that these patterns constitute a postfeminist sensibility, thus complicating the belief that Nordic countries are exceptionally supportive of equality.
... Other research has shown that women and mothers in dual earner relationships are indeed involved in both critical assertions of their husband's lack of contribution to care work(Eldén 2011), and also attempts to explain away and excuse the husbands actions, and thus 'save' the image of the couple as living in a gender equal relationship (Ahlberg et al 2008;Roman & Peterson 2011). The new possibilities of hiring domestic help have enabled new ways of solving this problem. ...
The last decade, Nordic families have started to employ nannies and au pairs to an extent previously never experienced. Political initiatives such as tax deductions for household services, together with global trends of 'care chains', have created a private market for care services, which have made it possible for families to hire cheap female, and often migrant, care labour. In the case of Sweden, this is an indication of a re-familializing trend in politics of care and family; a move away from a social democratic welfare regime, towards the privatized and marketized care/family solutions of other Western countries. This qualitative study of Swedish families who hire nannies/au pairs shows how the dual earner/dual carer ideal is being replaced by a dual earner/privately outsourced care ideal, a shift that requires particular forms of accounting for their practices on the part of the parents, related to the discourse of gender equality as well as narratives of what is 'best for children'. This, we argue, indicates that gender equality and 'good care' for children is increasingly becoming a class privilege.
Keywords: Care Work, Parenting, Gender Equality, Au Pairs/nannies, Family Practices, Welfare State
... It is important to stress that in our use of the term, psychological or therapeutic discourse refers to therapy as a cultural ethos and the set of symbols and codes that determine the boundaries of moral life (Nolan, 1998). The ascendancy of therapeutic discourse within popular culture has been addressed by several scholars (Elden, 2011;Illouz, 2003;Taylor, 2011). These discussions have related to changes in the content of television commercials (Cushman, 1990), and particularly to the talk shows of the 1990s (Illouz, 2003) and reality shows (Hill, 2002). ...
... It is important to stress that in our use of the term, psychological or therapeutic discourse refers to therapy as a cultural ethos and the set of symbols and codes that determine the boundaries of moral life (Nolan, 1998). The ascendancy of therapeutic discourse within popular culture has been addressed by several scholars (Elden, 2011;Illouz, 2003;Taylor, 2011). These discussions have related to changes in the content of television commercials (Cushman, 1990), and particularly to the talk shows of the 1990s (Illouz, 2003) and reality shows (Hill, 2002). ...
This article offers a critical discourse analysis of the Israeli television series In Treatment. The series unfolds the therapy sessions of a 40-year-old single female attorney with her therapist. The main objective of the study was to identify the scripted tactics or narrative strategies that establish and maintain singlehood. The findings indicate that the therapeutic discourse plays a central role in the construction and interpretation of single women's subjectivities, prompting a narrative that encourages the 'discarding' of singlehood as well as therapeutic work slanted towards a more familial and maternally oriented subjectivity. This narrative unfolds through two dominant scripted tactics: the symbolic annihilation of singlehood and the construction of feminine identity hierarchies (what the authors term 'hierarchies of happy endings'). Moreover, it is also prompted by the discursive alliance between the therapeutic discourse and the postfeminist discourse. Consequently, long-term singlehood is portrayed as an unnatural and pathological life script characterized by its lack and deficiency. Furthermore, as opposed to childless singlehood, single motherhood by choice emerges as a preferred and desirable life option. The category of single motherhood is endowed with new forms of legitimacy, reinforcing new-old patriarchal and postfeminist conceptions of women's reproductive potential and what is considered to be women's primary life purpose.
The contact hypothesis predicts that positive contact will reform attitudes towards the out-group and lead to less prejudice as a result. In contexts facing ongoing gender inequality – such as South Africa – romance is usually seen as a beneficial point of contact between unequal groups (heterosexual men and women), because of the sense of intimacy it brings. We investigated romantic practices in a discursive-ethnographic study, by recruiting five young, westernised, middleclass South African couples and interviewing them a number of times about romance and their relationships. We found that these couples positioned being-romantic extremely positively, as a means of sustaining intimacy in marriage. However, we also found that they positioned one version of romance as something they needed to engage in, in order to do relationship-work. We have called this the romantic imperative and suggested that it appears to channel these couples into being romantic in a particular way; one which is restrictive in the way it may be performed and which carries a high cost in terms of the effort, time and financial resources required to perform it successfully. This links to critiques of the contact hypothesis, in that positive contact does not always equate to positive outcomes.
Couples communicate with each other in many different ways, with words, acts and gestures establishing intimate connections between partners. How couples relate to each other is also central to how they communicate: partners can be best friends, lovers, soulmates and carers with such combinations characterising couples’ different repertoires of love. Where silence and non-disclosure feature as part of a relationship, these are not necessarily acts of concealment but may be an attempt to protect a partner. Not all communication is, however, affirming, with lying and arguing sometimes becoming intractable aspects of couples’ past, present and future lives together. Maintaining communication and negotiating conflict represent crucial relationship work and play key roles in couples’ everyday management of differences and disputes.
Theorists of late modernity discuss the effects of individualization on heterosexual couples. Processes of individualization are understood in terms of the individualized framework of thinking about self and others permeating Western societies. Sociological analyses of therapeutic manuals appoint them as both a symptom and an effect of individualization processes. In popular therapy, Beck and Beck-Gernsheim encounter evidence of individualism and the disappearance of ‘scripts for a life together’ (protecting ‘me’ against ‘us’), while Anthony Giddens sees potentials for a democratic, pure and gender-equal couple. Their dispute can be settled by analysing constructions of ‘the couple’ when the therapy manuals are put into action. The case in question is Swedish popular therapy as it appears in TV programmes with ‘real’ couples. Analyses of the ongoing interactions demonstrate how new scripts for heterosexual couples are emerging, scripts that hold elements of both traditional and late modern societies and relationships. In these, a ‘normal fantasy’ of the couple is (re)produced, not in the form of traditional authoritarian scripts but in individualized notions of what is a good, normal and happy life, a fantasy that is the responsibility of the individual/couple to complete. Individualized assumptions enable (an indirect) reproduction of stereotypes and inequalities of the genders, e.g. regarding unequal divisions of domestic work, with reference to ‘what is best’ for a specific individual or couple. The author argues for the necessity of revaluing both understandings of individualization in sociological theories and the ‘workings’ of individualized narratives on cultural and individual levels.
Relationship self-help advice often blames women for relationship difficulties and endorses relatively traditional gender roles. Its appeal to female consumers is thus somewhat puzzling. This paper uses critical feminist discourse analysis to explore two Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus relationship self-help texts. Both these texts construct gender as a set of natural dichotomies, claim that women and men are fundamentally different in relationship needs, and hold women responsible for maintaining relationship harmony. Thus, they reproduce a discourse that historically has been oppressive to women. However, like all texts, these afford multiple readings. I argue that their rhetoric may be deployed to voice dissatisfaction with inequality and to encourage change in a partners behavior. By affording openings for marital negotiation, these self-help texts and others like them may undermine the ideology of fixed gender differences in relationship orientation and may serve to hold both partners accountable for maintaining marital satisfaction.
Oprah Winfrey has transcended her status as talk show host to become a cultural icon of some considerable stature. This book explores the nature of Oprah’s celebrity persona and considers the relevance that she has to contemporary audiences. The stories recounted by guests, and the ways in which confessional discourse works to produce a particular relationship between Oprah, her guests and the audience members are considered within the context of contemporary American culture.
In this article, we analyse the norms and ideals for couples put forward in a course entitled «Living Well Together» produced and organized by the Norwegian government. The course is well suited for analysis of ideals and norms for couples because the Norwegian welfare state has to lean on norms that are legitimate both politically speaking and in the population. One important theme is what we call a performative model for communication based on the belief that intimate relations are created and formed through active subjects. The leading message in the couple-course, that love needs direction, is followed up by advice and techniques designed to strengthen couples in equal parenting, work-sharing, intimacy and sexuality with the help of a model for communication. The article draws on theoretical perspectives of governmentality and performativity, and highlights how couples are trained to govern themselves. We focus particularly on how couples are formed in the tension between techniques related to authenticity, on the one hand, and techniques of communication, on the other. The goal of the communication model is to create consensus and harmony equality, gender-neutrality and teamfeeling. These ideals, together with the lack of reflexivity regarding cultural and social structures and norms surrounding the couples, might preserve power differences related to gender, sexuality and economy. However, the performative communication model presents intimate relationships open to direction and change, and the subject is understood as a relational, performative category in a constant process of becoming.
Theorists of late modernity discuss the effects of individualization on heterosexual couples. Processes of individualization are understood in terms of the individualized framework of thinking about self and others permeating Western societies. Sociological analyses of therapeutic manuals appoint them as both a symptom and an effect of individualization processes. In popular therapy, Beck and Beck-Gernsheim encounter evidence of individualism and the disappearance of ‘scripts for a life together’ (protecting ‘me’ against ‘us’), while Anthony Giddens sees potentials for a democratic, pure and gender-equal couple. Their dispute can be settled by analysing constructions of ‘the couple’ when the therapy manuals are put into action. The case in question is Swedish popular therapy as it appears in TV programmes with ‘real’ couples. Analyses of the ongoing interactions demonstrate how new scripts for heterosexual couples are emerging, scripts that hold elements of both traditional and late modern societies and relationships. In these, a ‘normal fantasy’ of the couple is (re)produced, not in the form of traditional authoritarian scripts but in individualized notions of what is a good, normal and happy life, a fantasy that is the responsibility of the individual/couple to complete. Individualized assumptions enable (an indirect) reproduction of stereotypes and inequalities of the genders, e.g. regarding unequal divisions of domestic work, with reference to ‘what is best’ for a specific individual or couple. The author argues for the necessity of revaluing both understandings of individualization in sociological theories and the ‘workings’ of individualized narratives on cultural and individual levels.
Bestselling advice books for women published in the United States over the last two decades may offer a glimpse into an important wider trend in popular culture. This trend is a curious, latter-day parallel to the very different cultural shift Max Weber describes in The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism 2 (1958). The current cultural shift differs in the object of its ideas (love and not work), in the social sphere it most affects (the family and not the economy) and in the population most immediately influenced (women, not men). The cultural shift reflected in advice books concerns a more marginal ideology, feminism, and the commercial transmutation of it is a shift that is smaller, I hope, in scale. Like the earlier trend, this one represents the outcome of an ongoing cultural struggle, gives rise to countertrends, and is uneven in its effect. But the parallel is there. Just as Protestantism, according to Max Weber, “escaped from the cage” of the Church to be transposed into an inspirational “spirit of capitalism” that drove men to make money and build capitalism, so feminism may be “escaping from the cage” of a social movement to buttress a commercial spirit of intimate life that was originally separate from and indeed alien to it. 3 Just as market conditions ripened the soil for capitalism, so a weakened family prepares the soil for a commercialized spirit of domestic life. 4 Magnified moments in advice books tell this story. In exploring evidence of this shift, this parallel, I'm assuming that bestselling advice books for women published between 1970 and 1990 are a likely bell-wether of trends in the popular ideas governing women's approach to intimate life. I also assume that advice books, like other commercial and professional conveyors of guidance, are becoming more important while traditional spheres of authority, families and to a degree churches, are becoming less so. 5 Thus, while
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