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The Best of Times, the Worst of Times: The Place of Close Relationships in Psychology and Our Daily Lives

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Daniel Perlman at University of North Carolina at Greensboro
Daniel Perlman
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Abstract

This article examines the place of relationships in our daily lives and in the field of psychology. The first section of the article offers reasons why relationships are central for humans. Next, the place of relationships in the history, institutional aspects, and subfields of psychology is presented. Then a paradox about relationships is presented: They are both among the most positive, uplifting of life's experiences and yet they can also be among life's darkest aspects. Despite the negative aspects of relationships, most people are very happy in their intimate relations. The paper ends with possible explanations for why satisfaction may be so high. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2012 APA, all rights reserved)
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Full-text available
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Chapter
  • Jan 1997
In 1993, James Redfield published the Celestine Prophecy, an intriguing book describing the nine insights of life as revealed in a fictitious Peruvian manuscript. As individuals uncover each of the insights in sequence, they learn that the physical world is a huge system of energy. However, because people do not know how to harvest that energy, they compete with other individuals for the energy that they can acquire directly from them. Thus, throughout history, human conflict has stemmed from competition for the energy that flows between individuals. By controlling another person, people can increase their own energy by “stealing” some of the other individual’s energy. The method that people use to gather another’s energy is referred to as a control drama and reflects patterns of behavior that were learned in childhood. Thus, some people control others by making them feel guilty. Others direct people by monopolizing conversations. Still others control people by ostracizing them and depriving them of valued interpersonal resources. So, aversive interpersonal behaviors, at least in part, reflect people’s control dramas or the methods that they invoke to gather energy from others (Redfield, 1993).
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Article
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