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Seeing Virtues in Faults: Negativity and the Transformation of Interpersonal Narratives in Close Relationships

Authors:
Sandra Murray at University at Buffalo, State University of New York
Sandra Murray
John G Holmes at University of Waterloo
John G Holmes
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Abstract

It is proposed that individuals develop story-like representations of their romantic partners that quell feelings of doubt engendered by their partners' faults. In Study 1, dating individuals were induced to depict their partners as rarely initiating disagreements over joint interests. Such conflict avoidance was then turned into a fault. In scaled questionnaires and open-ended narratives, low-conflict individuals then constructed images of conflict-engaging partners. These results suggest that storytelling depends on considerable flexibility in construal as low-conflict Ss possessed little evidence of conflict in their relationships. Study 2 further examined the construal processes underlying people's ability to transform the meaning of negativity in their stories (e.g., seeing virtues in faults). Paradoxically, positive representations of a partner may exist, not in spite of a partner's faults, but because of these imperfections. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2012 APA, all rights reserved)
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Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
1993.
Vol. 65. No. 4. 707-722
Copyright 1993 by the American Psychological Association, Inc.
0022-3514/93/S3.00
Seeing Virtues in
Faults:
Negativity and the Transformation of Interpersonal
Narratives in Close Relationships
Sandra L. Murray and John G. Holmes
It is proposed that individuals develop story-like representations of their romantic partners that
quell feelings of doubt engendered by their partners' faults. In Study 1, dating individuals were
induced
to
depict their partners
as
rarely initiating disagreements over joint
interests.
Such conflict
avoidance was then turned into a fault. In scaled questionnaires and open-ended narratives, low-
conflict individuals then constructed images of conflict-engaging partners. These results suggest
that storytelling depends on considerable flexibility in construal as low-conflict
Ss
possessed little
evidence of conflict in their
relationships.
Study
2
further examined the construal processes under-
lying people's ability to transform the meaning of negativity in their stories
(e.g.,
seeing virtues in
faults).
Paradoxically, positive representations of
a
partner may exist—not in spite of a partner's
faults—but because of these imperfections.
Coming to terms with the reality of a less-than-perfect
partner is perhaps the greatest challenge in the more serious
stages of a relationship's development. Faults in an intimate
may engender doubts about whether the partner really is the
"right" person as well as underline the considerable risks posed
by interdependence. Yet, in the face of such threats to their
convictions, partners may continue to experience strong feel-
ings
of hope for their relationship's ultimate
success.
This
juxta-
position of hope and uncertainty enhances individuals' desire
to "quell the babble of competing inner
voices"
underlying feel-
ings of doubt (Jones
&
Gerard, 1967, p. 181).
We believe that individuals construct stories about their
partners to diminish feelings of doubt, thereby affirming and
protecting their positive convictions. Such convictions are pro-
spective in nature, reflecting an individual's confidence that his
or her partner really is the right person and can be counted on
to be caring and responsive across time and situations (Holmes
Sandra L. Murray and John G. Holmes, Department of Psychology,
University of
Waterloo,
Waterloo, Ontario, Canada.
We would like to thank Dale Griffin, Mike Ross, and Mark Zanna
for their insightful comments on earlier versions of thisarticle.
We
also
benefited tremendously from the critiques and comments provided by
Roy Baumeister and three anonymous
reviewers.
We
are
also
indebted
to Alisa Lennox, Julie Perks, Stephen Taylor, and Lee Westmaus for
their assistance in conducting the research. This article was prepared
with the support of a Social Sciences and Humanities Research Coun-
cil of Canada
(SSHRC)
Doctoral Fellowship
to
Sandra
L.
Murray and
a
SSHRC research grant to John G. Holmes.
Portions of this article were presented at the Canadian Psychologi-
cal Association annual convention
in
Calgary,
Alberta, in June
1991;
at
the Society for Experimental Social Psychology annual meeting in Co-
lumbus, Ohio, in October
1991;
and at the International Society for the
Study of Personal Relationships convention in Orono, Maine, in July
1992.
Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed
to
San-
dra
L.
Murray, Department of Psychology, University of Waterloo, Wa-
terloo, Ontario, Canada N2L 3G1. Electronic mail may be sent to
smurray@watarts.uwaterloo.ca.
& Rempel, 1989). We propose that individuals protect these
convictions by weaving cogent stories that depict potential
faults or imperfections in their partners in the best possible
light.
As we
explore, the potential for considerable flexibility in
the construal of apparent negativity may be an integral feature
of
this
defensive storytelling process
(e.g.,
Gergen, Hepburn, &
Fisher, 1986). For instance, an individual might reconcile the
threat posed by a partner's stubbornness during conflicts by
interpreting it as a sign of integrity, rather than egocentrism.
Such storytelling preserves the integrity of
individuals'
narra-
tives,
thereby promoting
a sense
of felt security in the face of the
considerable risks posed by interdependence.
The structure of relationship-affirming narratives may
change subtly over time
as
partners' positive and negative quali-
ties become more or less salient. Early on in romantic relation-
ships,
individuals typically experience strong positive feelings
as they
attend almost exclusively
to
their partners'
positive
quali-
ties (Holmes
&
Boon,
1990;
Weiss, 1980). Self-presentation, in-
teraction across restricted, positive domains, and intimates' de-
sire not to perceive negative qualities (e.g., Brehm, 1988) likely
all combine to create somewhat simple-minded, idealized
narratives (Holmes & Rempel, 1989). As a result, individuals'
initial sense of security in their relationships rests largely on the
pull of positivity (cf. Brickman, 1987).
Yet,
as
interdependence increases, individuals begin interact-
ing across broader, more conflictual domains, and the poten-
tial for partners to exhibit negative behaviors increases (Le-
vinger, 1983). As the first, most directly affirming response to
apparent negativity, individuals may simply deny that their
partners' seemingly negative behavior reflects any underlying
disposition or attribute. For example, individuals may avoid
attributing negative traits to their partners
by
tagging behaviors
suggestive of such traits to specific, unstable features of the
situation
(e.g.,
Bradbury
&
Fincham,
1990;
Holtzworth-Munroe
& Jacobson, 1985). However, as instances of
negative
behavior
across disparate situations accumulate, dispositional attribu-
tions become increasingly difficult to avoid. Somewhat para-
doxically though, individuals may become increasingly moti-
707
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