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The Process of Couple Healing Following Infidelity
Abstract
Infidelity can have a devastating effect on marriages and individuals. This qualitative study explores the process of healing from infidelity and therapist behaviors that facilitate this process. In-depth client interviews suggest that healing occurs as couples pass through a seven-step process: (1) exploration of emotions and thoughts surrounding the infidelity, (2) expression of these to their partner, (3) development of empathy, (4) softening of emotions, (5) acceptance of personal responsi-bility and reduction of blame, (6) establishment of accountability, and (7) restoration of trust. While initially these factors occur sequentially, the process gradually becomes non-linear. Therapist behaviors which facili-tate healing from infidelity are discussed. doi:10.1300/J398v06n04_01 [Article copies available for a fee from The Haworth Document Delivery Ser-vice: 1-800-HAWORTH.
... Infidelity can lead to emotional dysregulation for both victims and perpetrators of extradyadic behaviors. Specific emotional manifestations of infidelity-based trauma include feelings of extreme anger, betrayal, insecurity, rage, shame, guilt, jealousy and sadness [24,31,[33][34][35][36][37][38][39][40]. ...
... Depressive symptoms following the disclosure of an affair are commonplace for victims of infidelity [30,33,38,41]. Women who had experienced threats of marital dissolution or of their husband's infidelity were six times more likely to be diagnosed with a major depressive episode than those who had not experienced either of those events [42]. ...
This is a narrative review addressing the topic of romantic infidelity, its causes and its consequences. Love is commonly a source of much pleasure and fulfillment. However, as this review points out, it can also cause stress, heartache and may even be traumatic in some circumstances. Infidelity, which is relatively common in Western culture, can damage a loving, romantic relationship to the point of its demise. However, by highlighting this phenomenon, its causes and its consequences, we hope to provide useful insight for both researchers and clinicians who may be assisting couples facing these issues. We begin by defining infidelity and illustrating the various ways in which one may become unfaithful to their partner. We explore the personal and relational factors that enhance an individual’s tendency to betray their partner, the various reactions related to a discovered affair and the challenges related to the nosological categorization of infidelity-based trauma, and conclude by reviewing the effects of COVID-19 on unfaithful behavior, as well as clinical implications related to infidelity-based treatment. Ultimately, we hope to provide a road map, for academicians and clinicians alike, of what some couples may experience in their relationships and how can they be helped.
... Allen and St George (2001);Blow et al. (2009);Bradford et al. (2016);Davis and Piercy (2007);Goldman and Greenberg (1992);Helmeke et al. (2002);Novak et al. (2019);Ramisch et al. (2013);Smetana and Bigner (2005);Tankha et al. (2020). 10/15 a A new perspective on the partnerBird et al. (2007);Bradford et al. (2016);Goldman and Greenberg (1992);Greenberg et al. (1988);Handley et al. (2021); Helmeke and Sprenkle(2000); Helmeke et al.(2002); Ramisch et al. (2013); Smetana and Bigner (2005); Tankha et al. (2020). 10/15 An understanding of working as a unit in the relationship Allen and St George (2001); Bird et al. (2007); Blow et al. (2009); Davis and Piercy (2007); Goldman and Greenberg (1992); Handley et al. (2021); Helmeke et al. (2002); Ramisch et al. (2013); Smetana and Bigner (2005). ...
... Infidelity has various negative effects on the betrayed partner, such as disorganized attachment behaviors and attachment injury (Schade & Sandberg, 2012;Warach & Josephs, 2021). Individuals who experience infidelity in their romantic relationships experience a perceived loss of control, hopelessness, mistrust, and paranoia regarding future infidelities (Bird et al., 2007;Gordon et al., 2008;Josephs, 2018;Schade & Sandberg, 2012). Infidelity also increases relationship dissatisfaction and makes eventual dissolution more likely (Balderrama Durbin et al., 2012;Negash et al., 2014). ...
This study investigated the effects of a father’s infidelity on his
adult daughter’s experience of family and romantic relationships.
The participants of this study were 13 women aged
between 22–37 years. Their experiences were elicited through
semi-structured interviews. MAXQDA−20 was used to assist in
analyzing the data. The analysis revealed three main themes
and associated sub-themes: family of origin, the effects of the
father’s infidelity, and romantic relationships. The daughters
tended to replicate the same patterns in their romantic relationships
as those in their family of origin. Having experienced
parental infidelity during their childhood, the daughters model
their mothers and form relationships with partners similar to
their fathers. That is, their fathers’ affairs lead to intergenerational
trauma transmission for these women.
... folosind atât ceea ce s-a spus, cât și ceea ce nu s-a spus, limbajul non-verbal și experiența în grup. Bird, Butler & Fife, 2007;McGann, 2010) și sociologie . ...
Metodologia cercetării în științele sociale: Cercetarea
calitativă se adresează studenților facultăților de științe sociale
care studiază discipline academice ca arheologia, antropologia,
asistența socială, economia, geografia umană, lingvistica,
sociologia, știința comunicării, știința managementului și
științele politice.
Primele patru capitole prezintă și explică în detaliu
concepte precum cercetare calitativă, cercetare cantitativă și
cercetare mixtă, conceptul de metodologie de cercetare și de
metodologie a cercetării calitative.
Celelalte opt capitole sunt rezervate celor mai
importante metode de cercetare calitativă: analiza documentelor,
cercetarea etnografică, focus grupul, interviul, metoda biografică,
observația și studiul de caz.
Fiecare capitol conține și un grupaj de aplicații practice
referitoare la conținutul teoretic al acestuia.
Bibliografia pe care se bazează această carte indică cele
136 de surse ale ideilor prezentate și le permite studenților
aprofundarea temelor de interes.
... It is intuitively plausible and empirically established that infidelity has a negative impact on trust (Bird, Butler, and Fife 2007;Vossler 2016) 10 . Consider a standard case in which such infidelity might come to light: BETRAYAL: Sam and Alice are a monogamous couple who have had reciprocal twoplace trust for ten years. ...
It is often taken for granted that monitoring stands in some kind of tension with trusting (e.g., Hieronymi 2008; Wanderer and Townsend 2013; Nguyen forthcoming; McMyler 2011, Castelfranchi and Falcone 2000; Frey 1993; Dasgupta 1988, Litzky et al. 2006) — especially three-place trust (i.e., A trusts B to X), but sometimes also two-place trust (i.e., A trusts B, see, e.g., Baier 1986). Using a case study involving relationship breakdown, repair, and formation, I will argue there are some ways in which monitoring can be conducive to two-place trust, and to instances of three-place trust that are likely to be repeated over time—especially when previously established two-place trust has broken down. The result, I hope, is not any kind of abandoning of the important idea that monitoring can undermine trust, but an appreciation of where the conflict between monitoring and trust doesn’t lie – one from which future work will hopefully be better positioned to illuminate where exactly the conflict is.
Infidelity is a common experience in committed relationships that can lead to significant distress for both partners. While many couples end their relationship following infidelity, a significant portion choose to stay together and attempt reconciliation. In our study, we employed constructivist grounded theory to study the process of healing from infidelity for couples who stay together. Our sample consisted of 16 heterosexual couples who experienced sexual infidelity, chose to stay together, and self-identified as having experienced meaningful healing. Couples had an average age of 27 (range = 19– 46), approximate mean length of relationship at infidelity of 3 years (median = 2 years), and approximate mean time since infidelity of 50 months (median = 24 months). We organize our results into a process model of healing that includes four stages: the revelation of the infidelity, initial reactions, stabilizing the relationship, and revitalizing the relationship. The grounded theory suggests there is a developmental progression of healing as couples jointly work to re-establish their relationship. This process includes assessing the damage, affirming commitment, establishing accountability, seeking reconnection, communicating deeply, re-establishing trust, and moving from initial to deeper forgiveness. Our results also suggest that couples’ shared history, sociocultural factors, and receipt of formal and informal support shaped how they experienced the infidelity and engaged in healing. We discuss key clinical implications of the grounded theory, especially related to the role therapy can play in facilitating healing, the importance of open communication and processing emotions, deepening forgiveness, and the reciprocal process of restoring trust.
Infidelity is a relationship betrayal that can lead to multiple negative individual and relational outcomes. Multiple clinicians have developed practice-based models of couple healing from infidelity; however, few of these models have been systematically examined. One such model is Butler et al.’s clinical model, grounded in attachment theory and the concept of relational ambivalence. In the present study, we sought to systematically examine and refine Butler et al.’s model of couple healing from infidelity using deductive qualitative analysis of seven publicly available online blogs written by non-straying partners. Informed by the clinically based model, we generated sensitizing constructs and engaged in open, focused, and theoretical coding. Our results support several key components of the original model, while also suggesting refinements to the concept of ambivalence for straying partners as well as couple-level responses. Our results suggest that a meaningful expansion to the original model is non-straying partners’ efforts to heal individually throughout the entire healing process. We suggest clinical implications and opportunities for future research based on our analysis.
In the literature, relational recovery after infidelity is often described as a process going through different consecutive stages towards a reconciliation. We interviewed 25 injured partners and invited them to look back and talk about what helped them to recover from the pain and the conflicts caused by the relational infidelity of their partner. From their stories—through thematic analysis—four themes emerged: 1. talking, 2.the truth, 3. trust and 4. ethical imbalance. It furthermore struck us how the participants described their recovery process as an experience of being oscillated between connection and disconnection. These findings pointed us in the direction of developing a dual process model that fits with our participants' experiences of recovering after infidelity, while emphasizing the dynamic nature of their stories.
Enactments represent a clinical process and structure common to marital therapy, consisting of episodes of direct couple engagement carefully promoted, monitored, and coached by the therapist. Couple-enactment-centered therapy is supported by a relational systems theory rationale for interaction-focused intervention. We specifically explored couples’ experience of relationship enactments and their potential to promote positive relationship interaction and outcomes. In an experimental design, participant couples received three couple-enactment-centered sessions (intervention through couple interaction) followed by three therapist-centered sessions (intervention through therapist interaction), with sequencing randomly alternated (CECx3–TCx3 or TCx3–CECx3). In this study, through qualitative interviews we sought the voices, perceptions, and experiences of couples regarding these modalities and their potentially unique utility. Qualitative data from 12 participants was analyzed using a group hermeneutic approach. Findings included that (a) therapeutic alliance, achieved in a more salient way through TC, was important to positive clinical and couple outcomes, (b) the sequencing of approaches was significant, and (c) modality (CEC or TC) influenced participant experience of relational change. Our discussion hypothesizes a general profile of participants’ experiences of these two approaches in therapy, contributing to an emerging framework potentially informing best couple therapy practice utilizing both TC and CEC modalities in sequence.
Infidelity is a common phenomenon in marriages but is poorly understood. The current study examined variables related to extramarital sex using data from the 1991-1996 General Social Surveys. Predictor variables were entered into a logistic regression with presence of extramarital sex as the dependent variable. Results demonstrated that divorce, education, age when first married, and 2 "opportunity" variables - respondent's income and work status - significantly affected the likelihood of having engaged in infidelity. Also, there were 3 significant interactions related to infidelity: (a) between age and gender, (b) between marital satisfaction and religious behavior, and (c) between past divorce and educational level. Implications of these findings and directions for future research are discussed.
One of the most significant steps in early recovery from addictive sexual disorders is disclosure by the addict to his or her significant other of the sexual behaviors in which the addict has been engaging, usually outside the primary relationship. To learn about couples' experiences with disclosure, we prepared an anonymous survey, filled out separately by each partner. Surveys were returned by 82 sex addicts and 82 spouses or partners. Addicts had a mean of 3.4 years in recovery. Key findings:1. Disclosure is often a process, not a one-time event. Even in the absence of relapse, withholding of information is common.2. Initial disclosure usually is most conducive to healing the relationship in the long run when it includes all the major elements of the acting-out behaviors but avoids the “gory details.”3. Over half the partners threatened to leave after disclosure, but only one quarter of couples actually separated.4. Half the sex addicts reported one or more major slips or relapses, which necessitated additional decisions about disclosure.5. Neither disclosure nor threats to leave prevented relapse.6. With time, 96% of addicts and 93% of partners came to believe that disclosure had been the right thing.7. Partners need support from professionals and peers during the process of disclosure.8. Honesty is a crucial healing characteristic.9. The most helpful tools for coping with the consequences of sexual addiction are counseling and the 12-step programs. Disclosure, threats to leave, and relapses are parts of the challenge of treating, and recovering from, addictive disorders.
For this article, an extramarital affair is defined as any sexual activity outside of the boundaries of a relationship between two persons. Extramarital affairs affect persons who are involved in all types of relationships whether they are married or not, or whether they are heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Considerable research on extramarital affairs has been conducted over the last four decades. This article reviews studies that focus on the frequency of extramarital affairs among couples, their nature, causes, effects on relationships and treatment. Finally, a solution-oriented model is outlined for working with couples in which at lease one partner has had an affair. It is based on the premise that the more a couple talks about the problem, the worse the problem will become, and getting over the affair is a decision the couple makes to get better.
Randomly selected samples of practicing couple therapists who were members of the American Psychological Association's Division 43 or the Association for Marriage and Family Therapy completed a survey of couple problem areas and therapeutic issues encountered in couple therapy. Therapists rated problem areas in terms of occurrence, treatment difficulty, and damaging impact. A composite of these 3 dimensions suggested that the most important problems were lack of loving feelings, power struggles, communication, extramarital affairs, and unrealistic: expectations. Comparison of the findings with therapist ratings obtained by S. K. Geiss and K. D. O'Leary (1981) suggests considerable stability in presenting problems in couple therapy over the past 15 years. Therapist-generated characteris tics associated with negative outcome were also identified, the most common being partners' inability or unwillingness to change and lack of commitment.
