Information retrieval (IR) and figurative language processing (FLP) could scarcely be more different in their treatment of language and meaning. IR views language as an open-ended set of mostly stable signs with which texts can be indexed and retrieved, focusing more on a text's potential relevance than its potential meaning. In contrast, FLP views language as a system of unstable signs that can be used to talk about the world in creative new ways. There is another key difference: IR is practical, scalable and robust, and in daily use by millions of casual users. FLP is neither scalable nor robust, and not yet practical enough to migrate beyond the lab. This paper thus presents a mutually beneficial hybrid of IR and FLP, one that enriches IR with new operators to enable the non-literal retrieval of creative expressions, and which also transplants FLP into a robust, scalable framework in which practical applications of linguistic creativity can be implemented.