Question
Asked 5th May, 2019

When should a sincere man stop pursuing a girl?

When should a sincere man give up on a girl if he required nothing from her but acceptance of a life long relationship, marriage and eternal love?
After meeting someone who you take serious, how long should you try to convince that person to trust you for a serious relationship?.

Most recent answer

7th Jun, 2020
Oluwadara Pelumi Omotayo
North-West University
As soon as the man notice that the lady's mind is made up on not accepting him
3 Recommendations

Popular answers (1)

7th May, 2019
Garvey Harris
Mindfulness world
when he realises that he is outsourcing his happiness onto someone else before he has spent time discovering how to be happy without being dependent on someone else
5 Recommendations

All Answers (24)

6th May, 2019
Orlando M Lourenço
University of Lisbon
Dear Abubakar,
"When should a sincere man stop pursuing a girl? --- You ask
As I psychologist, I think that a sincere man stop pursuing a girl when he sees than the focal woman is not sincerely interested in that relationship. Love, as it were, has to be sponateneouns not forced.
KInd regards,
Orlando
2 Recommendations
6th May, 2019
Debopam Ghosh
Atomic Minerals Directorate for Exploration and Research
When the sincere man finds out that this lady is also sincerely committed to such a relationship with another person .
1 Recommendation
6th May, 2019
Abubakar Surajo Ibrahim Kirari
Cairo University
Thank you all for your kind responses
7th May, 2019
Garvey Harris
Mindfulness world
when he realises that he is outsourcing his happiness onto someone else before he has spent time discovering how to be happy without being dependent on someone else
5 Recommendations
9th May, 2019
Mohamoud Merali
Aga Khan University Hospital, Nairobi
There is a concept of the pursuer becoming the pursued, this can be contributed to the pursuer changing their view of the person as a means of coping with rejection "sour grapes".
1 Recommendation
10th May, 2019
Dawn Lotti
University of Southern California
As soon as she indicates non-interest.
10th May, 2019
Abubakar Surajo Ibrahim Kirari
Cairo University
But most of the time girls try to hide their feelings. They want you to try hard. I think so, from my experience. How do you see it @Dawn
Cuando se da cuenta que ella no está interesada realmente.
11th May, 2019
Dawn Lotti
University of Southern California
If this is the case, that she is hiding her feelings, then she will respect you for honoring her space to deal with emotions.
1 Recommendation
11th May, 2019
Garvey Harris
Mindfulness world
I have learned that we all are conditioned by society to outsource our happiness onto others. This is unfair if we have not found that happiness by ourselves. If we have not got it in the first place, how can we share it with someone else?
5 Recommendations
13th May, 2019
Rob Cole
Private Practice
He should let go of his objectives when he realises that the girl does not share his relationship goals. This may be expressed by words, or by a repeated avoidance to commit. If the relationship isn't going to work out, he is best to let go and work towards a relationship which is compatible.
2 Recommendations
13th May, 2019
Alan Kong
Tunku Abdul Rahman University College
By stop pursuing her have many meanings, one is that he stop actions relating to persuade or initiate contact and the other to pursue her in your mental life by forsake other girls in waiting for her. One lead your feelings known to her and will have to depend on her response, then just respect what she as hard as it is. The other one is rather much uncertain and less proactive, things may change in your favour or not but life is short so pursue the first way is likely save time and reduce suffering over the long term...
2 Recommendations
13th May, 2019
Lilian Hupkens
University of South Africa
Pursuing is a strange word. It is not the same as courting a lady. In courting a lady, the chivalrous man realizes the lady is higher than he, and it is her privilege to give him attention and interest or not. If she is not interested, he must bow out gracefully so there is no loss of face for anyone.
Pursuing sounds more like hunting or chasing after someone, there is a hint of agression. Not letting go can lead to harassment and stalking, even if the intention is not to do this. The actions in themselves are in reality harassment.
A man who cannot let go, is most probably chasing a dream, a fantasy, a fantasized woman and a phantasized relationship that do not exist. It is magical thinking, “if she was mine I would be 100% happy”. Every relationship and marriage is hard work, even for those who were head over heels in love from the beginning. An unequal start has even much less chance of success in the long run.
Such a man should be warned not to waste time in chasing unrealistic dreams, but to look around him for the person who would be happy with him and who could be the best partner possible for him. It needs a moment of clarity and some good luck to find that person.
3 Recommendations
13th May, 2019
Abubakar Surajo Ibrahim Kirari
Cairo University
Thank you very much for differentiating between pursuing and courting a woman. I think courting is when both of you are interested I. Each other. There is love, respect etc. Am I right?
I will edit the Question now to remove the word "pursuing".
Thanks a lot @Lilian Hupkens
13th May, 2019
Lilian Hupkens
University of South Africa
Hi, don”t edit your text because you will remove the original meaning. If there is a tension, don’t avoid it but stay with it and reflect on it. Perhaps you did mean “to pursue” and you can compare it to “to court”, giving space to new understanding, also for the others reading your interesting question. It is a universal question, and therefore valuable!
2 Recommendations
14th May, 2019
Mai Sarah
Universiti Pendidikan Sultan Idris (UPSI)
When he has directly confessing his goal for the future to the girl and the girl reject him. When he already asking the people nearby to indirectly ask the girl for it (sometime the girl might be shy to accept the confession)
4 Recommendations
14th May, 2019
Abubakar Surajo Ibrahim Kirari
Cairo University
thank you all for your responses. I like your answer Mai Sarah
17th May, 2019
Daria Mann
Regis University
I work with a lot of men amd women who come with a broken heart needing to move on. Love is real and some partners are deeply connected and wanted that life time commitment. It is important to work on letting go, learn from you could could have done differently to make the next one. great, and help the cluemt gain confidence and self esteem back.
2 Recommendations
12th Jun, 2019
Patrice van Dillen
Every person is different, it really depends on the girl you are pursuing. Communicating verbally to understand her position is necessary to know whether you or whomever should pursue her. I need/desire full commitment from the start, without marriage first I won't fully commit to a relationship, as that person, from my perspective, has not fully committed to me. For men who desire a specific type of relationship prior to even considering marriage there would never be that type of relationship with me.
Does your lifestyle align with hers? Are your goals, beliefs, and career objectives compatible? If not, in how far are both of you willing to compromise and figure those differences out or be willing to accept and live with those differences?
2 Recommendations
9th May, 2020
Emmanuel Ifeanyi Obeagu
Michael Okpara University of Agriculture, Umudike
When he noticed coldness from the girl.
3 Recommendations
6th Jun, 2020
Abdelkader Mohamed Abdelkader Elsayed
Dhofar University
Nice Dear Patrice van Dillen
1 Recommendation
7th Jun, 2020
Emmanuel Ifeanyi Obeagu
Michael Okpara University of Agriculture, Umudike
When it is clear that the girl doesn't love the man.
2 Recommendations
7th Jun, 2020
Oluwadara Pelumi Omotayo
North-West University
As soon as the man notice that the lady's mind is made up on not accepting him
3 Recommendations

Similar questions and discussions

How do we justify replacing total potential with external potential in the Langrangian for electromagnetic fields when the sources are point charges?
Question
18 answers
  • L.D. EdmondsL.D. Edmonds
For those that have the seventh printing of Goldstein's "Classical Mechanics" so I don't have to write any equations here. The Lagrangian for electromagnetic fields (expressed in terms of scalar and vector potentials) for a given charge density and current density that creates the fields is the spatial volume integral of the Lagrangian density listed in Goldstein's book as Eq. (11-65) (page 366 in my edition of the book). Goldstein then considers the case (page 369 in my edition of the book) in which the charges and currents are carried by point charges. The charge density (for example) is taken to be a Dirac delta function of the spatial coordinates. This is utilized in the evaluation of one of the integrals used to construct the Lagrangian. This integral is the spatial volume integral of charge density multiplied by the scalar potential. What is giving me trouble is as follows.
In the discussion below, a "particle" refers to an object that is small in some sense but has a greater-than-zero size. It becomes a point as a limiting case as the size shrinks to zero. In order for the charge density of a particle, regardless of how small the particle is, to be represented by a delta function in the volume integral of charge density multiplied by potential, it is necessary for the potential to be nearly constant over distances equal to the particle size. This is true (when the particle is sufficiently small) for external potentials evaluated at the location of the particle of interest, where the external potential as seen by the particle of interest is defined to be the potential created by all particles except the particle of interest. However, total potential, which includes the potential created by the particle of interest, is not slowly varying over the dimensions of the particle of interest regardless of how small the particle is. The charge density cannot be represented by a delta function in the integral of charge density times potential, when the potential is total potential, regardless of how small the particle is. If we imagine the particles to be charged marbles (greater than zero size and having finite charge densities) the potential that should be multiplying the charge density in the integral is total potential. As the marble size shrinks to zero the potential is still total potential and the marble charge density cannot be represented by a delta function. Yet textbooks do use this representation, as if the potential is external potential instead of total potential. How do we justify replacing total potential with external potential in this integral?
I won't be surprised if the answers get into the issues of self forces (the forces producing the recoil of a particle from its own emitted electromagnetic radiation). I am happy with using the simple textbook approach and ignoring self forces if some justification can be given for replacing total potential with external potential. But without that justification being given, I don't see how the textbooks reach the conclusions they reach with or without self forces being ignored.

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